Hart to Hart (1979–1984): Season 4, Episode 18 - The Wayward Hart - full transcript

Max: This is my
boss, Jonathan Hart,

a self-made millionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.

She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.

By the way, my name is Max.

I take care of both of
them, which ain't easy,

'cause when they
met, it was murder.

( theme music playing )


That's not bad.

That one? ( tsks )

Men are so difficult to
buy things for sometimes.

A pipe is such a personal thing.

Darling, which one
do you think, huh?

Uh, I don't think so.

No. That.

- Perfect.
- Perfect.


- All right, George,
we'll have this one.
- Excellent.

Can't go wrong, Mrs. Hart.
This is our finest model.

- Your father will be
very happy.
- I hope so.

Is he still at
Briarwood in Maryland?

- Yes.
- Now, if you'll
just fill this in,

I'll see that that pipe gets
mailed off to him right away.

Thank you.

George, do you have any cigars?

I didn't know you
were into cigars.

Oh, it's not for
me. It's for Max.

I thought we'd get him
a bon voyage smoke

- for his vacation.
- Ah, yes.

That is a nice pipe, darling.

These are from the
Negril area of Jamaica.

The finest.

All right. We'll take those.

And do you have something
else that's maybe, uh...

very special?

I think I have just the thing.

Perhaps the finest
cigars in the world.

A friend sent them from Canada.


I didn't know they
made cigars in Canada.

They're Cuban pleasures.

What you might call
the Lafite of cigars.

Ah, that sounds good.

Take a sniff of that.

Mmm! Nice.

Why do they smell so
bad when they're burning?

Actually, you'll find
that a cigar of this quality

has a rather pleasant aroma.


How come these don't come
in one of those metal tubes?

Interestingly enough,
the really good ones don't.

But I'll fix this one
up for traveling.

Unless, of course,
you'd like the whole box?

Uh, I don't think we
want to contribute

to Max's bad habits.

Just one, George.

Max: Three coffees, coming up.

Café à la Max!

Oh, that's wonderful.

- Great, Max.
- Look at that!

I thought I'd give
you a surprise.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

- Cheers.
- Darling?


That is really good.

And now... we have a surprise.

- Now?
- Now.


that is a round-trip
first-class ticket

to Las Vegas plus five days

in the presidential suite
at Caesars Palace Hotel.

Gee... thanks.

And also... Oh, and also...

we have a very special surprise
for you from the smoke shop.

You like it?

Oh, this is great.
A Cuban special.

I haven't had one of these since
Carmen and I cha-cha'd the Caribbean.

( both chuckle )


I'm not going to use
this until after my killing.

When I light up
this victory cigar,

everybody will know the
game is over and I've won.

Well, in that case, Max,
we wish you a lot of luck.

How'd you know I
was going to Vegas?

I didn't say nothin'.

You always go to
Vegas this time of year.

Jonathan: Monday morning,
you leave at exactly 8:30.

And you stay
precisely five days.

Your life is like an
open book, Max.

You're predictable.
Don't you know that?

Me, predictable?

Just like the sunrise.

Monday night, you'll call
and ask about Freeway.

Tuesday night, you'll call and
ask about Freeway and me.

Jonathan: And Wednesday,
you'll call and ask

about Freeway, Jennifer, and me.

Yeah, I do that, don't I?

You certainly do.

But that's only three nights.
What about the last night?

The last night.

The last night, you always call

and ask about an
advance on your paycheck.

Jennifer: You're
very set in your ways.


What about yesterday
when you and I went shopping

and I got that mad
craving for ice cream?

( chuckles )

- You want me to guess?
- Mm-hmm.

You asked for... pistachio...

covered with chocolate
sauce and peanuts, right?

Well, I'm gonna pack.

Well, I suppose I didn't
have to tell you that.

You knew that, too.

Do you think we overdid it?

I think he's a little upset.

Nah, I think he'll be all right.

He'll cool down when
he gets to Vegas.

Predictable, huh?
Sure, I'm predictable.

Where would we
be without routine?

Nowhere, right?

I can't see anything wrong
with a well-ordered life.

Do you?


All that time, I thought
my life was in a groove.

Now it turns
out it's just a rut.

Max, it's time you
took charge of your life.

Hello? This is Max.

Put Freddy on the phone.

Ah, the smell of
pancakes wafting in the air.

Uh, darling, go
easy on me, will you?

I'm trying to cut down.

How about cutting
out altogether?

Cutting out altogether?

No, no.

Monday is my day
to have pancakes.

I always have pancakes
on Monday morning.

I know, I know.

Max left me all the menus,

but I cannot find
the pancake mix.

You don't think that Max
might have hidden the mix

to get back at us for
ribbing him, do you?

For telling him that
he was predictable?

- Yeah.
- No.

He wouldn't do that.

He knows how important
your pancake fix is to you

on Monday morning.

Yeah, you're right.

Why would I think of
something like that?


- Hey, I have an idea.
- Hmm?

Why don't we take a
spin down to Larry's

and have a little breakfast?

They have wonderful pancakes.

Well, not as good as Max's,
but one has to be adaptable.

I think I'll have blueberry.

- ( buzzer buzzes )
- Mm, blueberry!


Milton Charles here, United
States Health Department.

It's imperative I see
Jonathan Hart right away.

( buzzer buzzes )

- Mr. Hart?
- Right.

Milton Charles,
Health Department.

How do you do?

What can I do for you?

Well, I'm afraid
it's rather serious.

This is my wife Jennifer.

- How do you do?
- This is Mr. Charles.

Oh, Mr. Charles,
won't you sit down?


I'm afraid your
life is at stake.

- My life is at stake?
- How?

You were in George Weisenkopf's
tobacco store on Saturday?

Yes, we were.

Well, I'm sorry
to have to tell you

Mr. Weisenkopf died last night.

How terrible.

What happened?

He smoked a lethal cigar.

A lethal cigar?

A portion of the
crop of tobacco used

to make that cigar was
sprayed with a lethal pesticide.

Unfortunately, in some
instances we arrived too late.

From your apparent good
health, I've gotten here in time.


From my apparent
good health, but, uh...

I bought that as a present
for the man who works for us,

and, uh... he has the cigar.

Where is he?

He's in Las Vegas.

Jennifer: He must
have checked in by now.

I think we're fairly safe
because he was gonna use it

for a special kind
of a celebration.

He was gonna treat
himself to the cigar if he won.

He likes to turn a card.

As long as you
understand the seriousness.

This stuff is ruthless.
Drowsiness, coma.

The chemical attacks the
central nervous system.

Once that's underway...
Can we call him?

Yes. Right now.

Is there an antidote?

If we catch them in time.

Darling, look what
I found on the desk.

"Play me."

Max's voice: Hiya,
Mr. and Mrs. H.

I've been thinking it over,
and you two are right.

I am in a rut.

So I decided I ain't
going to Vegas this year.

I'm gonna give up the
desert for the sheltering palms.

Thanks to you,

I'm going to experience
something unpredictable.

Oh, yeah, Mr. H.,
thanks again for the cigar.

It's very classy.

I gotta hunch it's really
gonna change my luck.

( clicks )

Oh, my God.

I'm afraid your
friend is going to need

all the luck he can get.

Jonathan: Right.

Yeah, that's right.

Okay, thank you very
much. I'd appreciate it.

Now the police are gonna
put an all-points bulletin

out on him, but they're
not very encouraging.

Well, maybe someone
in Max's phone book

will be able to help us.

You know something interesting?

Almost everyone
in here is a woman.

Well, Max likes to
live dangerously.

Oh, the auto mechanic called.

He said Max took
the station wagon in

for a tune-up before he left.

He said he always takes it in
before he goes to Las Vegas.

That means he didn't take
the car, so he must've flown.

Which means he
could be anywhere.

And smoking that cigar.

Not before breakfast, darling.

Oh, right.

What's that?

Oopsa-Daisy Florist.


That's worth a shot.
What's the number?


Four dozen roses.

Hello. This is Jonathan Hart.

That's right, Max works for us.

Yesterday, he sent some flowers.

It's very important that I
know where he sent them.

Thank you.

She's looking it up in the book.

I'll write it down.

Yes. A Miss Mayerling.

140 La Mesa.

Santa Barbara.

Right, thanks... what's that?

How is Max enjoying Vegas?

You know that he goes
there this time of year.

All right, thanks very much.

Everybody knows he
went to Vegas but Max.


Do you recall Max ever
having a friend called Mayerling?


How much farther?

About an hour, I think.


You wanna kill yourself?

Put that damn thing out.

I'm sorry.

Gonna blow us all up.

Lucky this is one of
my regular smokes

and not my lucky cigar.

You'd be even luckier if
you'd give them things up.

I didn't know this was
an office visit, Doctor.

- Mind filling it up?
- Sure.

Which way is the nursery?

Half a mile up the
road, on your left.

You know, I can't says I'd
peg you for the gardening type.

You got something to do with
that flower show next week?

You could say that.

I'm planning to come
out smelling like a rose.


Where's your, uh...

Where's my what? Oh,
it's around the corner.

Can't miss it.

- Hi there.
- Hiya.

- Fill it up, will ya?
- Sure thing.

Want me to check
under that hood?

- No, that's okay. Just the gas.
- Sure.

All right, there you go,
mister. That'll be $15.40.

- Here you are.
- All right.

Wha... what, your change.

It's okay, keep it.

Well, hey, thank you!

All set?

Yep, that'll cost you $8.10.

Here's $8...

and 10 cents exactly.


What do you want?

I came to see the
pasteboard exhibit.

Good luck.

Hey, Max.

Over here.

All right!

Glad you could make it, Max.

You're looking
good. Looking good.

Here we go.

I think you know
some of the guys.

- Roaring Tommy Ferrell.
- Hi, Max!

Hiya, Tommy.

You and I played together in
Atlantic City a few years back.

- That's right, yeah.
- How you doin', Tommy?

Not so good. I've been getting
hands that look more like feet.

- This is Mickey.
- Hiya, Mickey.

How are ya, Max?

- Gary.
- Long time, Max.

Haven't seen you
since Vegas back in '75.

That's right.

This is Arthur.

- Hiya, Max.
- Hi, Arthur. Nice to meet you.

- Nice meeting you.
- And this here... this here is Big Sam.

Charmed to make
your acquaintance.

Well, thank you.

I hope you feel the
same after the game.

( laughs )

Gary here's the one that
organized this little party.

I'm watching the nursery
for my brother-in-law.

Lucky my bookie gave
me Dave's number.

Hey, Max, you just caught
me walking out the door.

I rode up last night
with Roaring Tommy.

I wanna tell you,
that's two hours

of "Irish Eyes are
Smiling" off-key!

( laughter )

Hey, what is this, a tea party?

Come on, come on,
you gonna deal or not?

We better not keep
Mickey waiting.

After all, his poker-playing

is gonna put my
kids through college.

Ho ho! No more, buddy, no more.

We got fresh blood
in the game now.

Yeah, there he is. There he is.

A real transfusion.

Let me have 500
bucks' worth of chips.

Let me see how long that lasts.

Your luck's running like
mine, about five minutes.

( whistles )

Take a look at
that heater, will ya?

This guy must be real
flush. I've heard about these.

That had to set
you back a sawbuck.

At least.

This is my victory heater.

I don't light this up
until I've cleaned

all you guys out,
including the lady.

( laughing and chattering )

( sighs ) I don't see anything
that looks like a dance studio.

- This is La Mesa.
- There it is.

140, Ariska Mayerling
Dance Studio.

Now I remember
where I heard that name.

She used to dance
with the Russian ballet.

Woman: Preparation
one... two, three, four.

I battement.

Battement fondu.


Feet, feet, feet, point feet.

Fondu. Stretch arms.


And arabesque.

Hold, hold.

Terribly sorry to
disturb your class.

I'm Jennifer Hart. This
is my husband Jonathan.

- Oh. Jonathan Hart, yes.
- How do you do?

Max has spoken
of you both so often.

How is dear Max?

We were hoping
you could tell us.

Has he run away?

Uh, not really.

You might say
we've misplaced him.


Yes, I think ofttimes
myself the same thing.

Excuse me. Girls,
please stretch.

Misplaced him, I mean.

Oh, yes.

He's very special.

He is to us, too.

And he may be
in terrible danger.

How may I be of help to you?

The flowers that he sent to you.

Oh, Max is always
sending me flowers,

but I have been away in Europe.

Next week, I have a birthday.

A few days, we have performance.

All kinds of reasons why
Max would send flowers.

He is very dear.

I'm sorry, I don't know
where he might be.

We'll go back into town

and check on some
of his regular stops.

Thanks very much.

Please, Mr. Hart... find him.

He trusts you with
his life, you know?

I know.

Take care.

( no audible dialogue )

( telephone rings )


Yes, this is Mrs. Hart.


I understand.

Is Max dead?


Man: As far as we
can tell, Mr. Hart,

your friend fell
asleep at the wheel

just before the car crashed.

The police couldn't
find his wallet.

They traced your
name and address

through the rental
forms in the car.

If it's any consolation to you,
from my years of experience,

he didn't suffer any pain.

Death was...

well, he probably
never even woke up.

Uh, Mr. Hart, only
one person is required

to identify the body.

If you'd like... Thanks.


Darling, you wait
here. I'll be right back.

No, no, I'll go with you.

That's not Max.

Big Sam: It could
be a straight flush.

And it could be a flush.

Or a straight.

And then it could be nothin'.

Big Sam: Come on, come on.

Are we gonna play cards
or are we gonna play cards?

I don't think
she's bluffin', Max.

- I'm out.
- I think she's bluffing.

- I'm in.
- So bet already.

Look, Sam, I've
been waiting all night

to smoke my victory heater.

I think I got a chance now,

so give me some
time to think it over.

Too bad about Dave
tapping out so early.

Hope he makes
it okay in the fog.

Well, it's nice he could
drive Max's car down

and turn it in for him.

You know, he's a nice guy.

Doing me a favor. He
saved me a week's rental.

Money you could be
betting even as we speak.

All right.

I'll see your 50...
and I'll bump you 100.

I call your 100...
and bump you 100.

I was afraid of that.

Okay, I'll see you. I
got a straight to the ace.

Sorry it had to be you,
Max, but I really have it...

A gorgeous, blushing flush.

I almost had a royal flush.

Maybe I'll smoke you
after the next hand.

Come on, mix 'em up and deal.

Mr. Hart, Mrs. Hart, sorry
to keep you waiting so long,

but we've just had a
positive ID on the body.

Who is he?

His name's Dave
Rider. Name ring a bell?

Lived alone. No
family, no relatives.

It's all we have to go on.

We're no closer to Max
than we were this morning.

I'm sorry. We're doing
everything we can.

Well, thanks very
much, Lieutenant.

Well, again, I'm sorry.

Maybe I should make
us some omelets.

Oh, no, thanks, darling.

You know that Max
made me my first omelet?

He did?

He even taught me
how to hold my fork right.

If it wasn't for him,
I wouldn't be here.

I know.

You remember how I told
you when we first met...

When he dragged
me out of that bar

when the police were
coming in the front?


He helped me open
up my first bank account.

Then he knocked my ears back when
I made a withdrawal to bet on a horse.

You should have seen
the expression on his face

when I bought that bank.

Aw, that was something.

He took me to my first ballet.

I didn't know that.

He said, "Hey, listen, kid,

you gotta experience everything.

And besides, those dames
have got legs that won't quit."

( both chuckle )

( sighs )

What a man.

What a man.

Well, as Max would say,

don't play all your cards
until the bets are made.

And if we hadn't kidded him so
much about being predictable,

he'd... he'd still be safe.

- That's it.
- What?



Why didn't I see that?

See what?

We're not thinking like Max.

He's not off doing
something else.

He's off doing the same
thing somewhere else.

Of course.

He even said so on the tape,

something about the
cigar bringing him luck.

He still intends to gamble.

Reno. Tahoe.


Doesn't like the snow, too cold.

Atlantic City.

Too far.

A local game.

That could be anywhere.

We'll just have to
narrow the odds.


Freddy. His bookie Freddy.

He'll know where the action is.

- You know him?
- No, I don't.

I mean, Freddy's always
been like a telephone to me.

But one day, Max
took me by his place

because he had to
pick up some harvest.

I think I can remember
where that is.

- Let's try it.
- Right.

King high. Bet.


I'm out.

I'll see you.

Pair of kings.

Hah, I knew it. ( chuckles )

Lousy jacks.

I don't know about you
guys, but I'm really beat.

Yeah, me, too. Hey,
let's call it a night, huh?

You mean a morning.

How about a mercy
round for the losers?

We've already had five of those.

I'm with Tommy.

I haven't had a
decent hand all night.

One more, huh?

Seven card stud, no limit,
everybody got a chance.

- No limit?
- No limit.

Max, you're my kind of player.


Give me a fresh deck.

Here you go, fresh deck.



Freddy Francussi, please.

Mr. and Mrs. Hart.

You know who we are?

It's good for business.

Won't you sit down?

Thank you.

You're Freddy Francussi?


Somehow, I expected a guy.

That was Dad.

He retired to Florida
and left me the business.

I'm Freddy Jr.

So, not what you expected?


Computers and data
links do most of the work.

It's just like Hart Industries.

Now, were you interested
in a particular bet?

Football? Tennis? The ponies?

Polo ponies, of course.

We're not interested
in making a bet.

What we need is
some information.

We're looking for Max.

Well, isn't he at home?

He called me late last night

looking for some
action in the area.

I thought he usually went
to Vegas this time of year.

So did we.

Poker's not my action,

but I put him onto a guy I know.

Who was that?

Um... if I give you his number,

would you promise me not
to tell him where you got it?

You have our word.

I'd hate to lose his account.

His name is Dave Rider.

Well, this won't be
necessary because, uh...

Mr. Rider is dead.

Max, if you're in
love with those cards,

you can marry 'em tomorrow,
but for now, bet, huh?

You sure know how to get a guy.

It's what my Alfie
always used to say,

may he rest in peace.

Well, my pair of fours are high,

but I'll check to
the possible flush.

I'll check.

Possible flush bets 100.

I'm in.

- You in?
- Too rich for my blood.

I'm in.

Well, I don't believe you.

I'll see that 100
and raise it 100.

That's 200 to you.

I'll see the 200...
and raise 200.

That's 300 to you.

I'll see it.

- You in?
- I'm in.

- 300 to you.
- I'm in.

I'll see ya.

All right, now down and dirty.

Mickey: Yeah, make mine dirty.

What's the matter,
Max? You got heartburn?

I not only got heartburn,
I got club-burn,

diamond-burn, and spade-burn.

Well, my pair of
fours are still high.

I'll bet 100.

I'll call your 100
and raise 200.

That's 300 to you.

I know it. I can count.


I came to play.

I'm in. I'd 200, okay?

I'll see it.

Pot's ripe.

Full boat, aces over queens.

( exclaiming and laughter )

Thank you, gentlemen and ladies.

- Arthur: Golly.
- Just a second.

Four little fours.

- Mickey: Holy cow!
- ( laughter )

- Wow. Jeez.
- Arthur: Jiminy.

( chatter )

Mickey: Now the heater?

- Now.
- You've earned it, Max.

Allow me, Max.

A big smoke for a big winner.

Get a whiff of that,
lady and gentlemen.

That is known as the
sweet smell of success.

That's our only link to Max.

I hope the mileage
can tell us something.

Hope so, too.


That's about 40 miles.

Well, we're about
20 miles from L.A.,

so that leaves 20
miles in either direction.

One way or another.

That's too big an area.

Look at this.

The Blue Lagoon Motel.

It's a long shot.

Even long shots
have got a chance.

Cheers, Max.

- Here's to ya,
ya lucky bum.
- Cheers.

- ( laughs )
- You're lucky.

You were right about that cigar.

3,500 bucks. Count 'em.

Eh, that's okay.

Whoa! You all right, Max?

Who, me? Sure. A little sleepy.

It's past my bedtime.

It's past yesterday's bedtime.

Hey, listen, before we break
up, you want some breakfast?

No, thanks, Mickey.
I'll take a pass.

I'm headed straight
for my motel.

Listen, why don't
you take my car, huh?

I'll get a ride with
one of the guys.

Be careful, though.
It's not paid for yet.

Look, Mickey, we got
the rest of the week.

Tonight you get lucky.

You can win yourself
a Rolls-Royce.

Oh, sure. ( laughs )

Well, see you fellas
later in the afternoon.

Hey, you almost
forgot your cigar.

- Your lucky cigar.
- Hey, that's right.

I can't leave without that.

This baby made my night.

- Gary: Take it easy, Max.
- Tommy: So long, Max.

Here it is. Yeah, he checked in.

Then he called back
maybe four or five hours.

Said, "Save my room," that he
was definitely good for the booking.

- Did he say
where he was?
- Nope.

Was there anything about
the call that sounded unusual?

Like what?

Something that might
indicate where he is.

Just who are you people?

He works for us.

He's a friend of ours,
and he's in a lot of trouble.

Did he say anything to you
or give you any idea of what...

Well, he did say that he
was having a good run,

and if everything worked
out, maybe he'd buy the motel.

Either gonna rob a bank
or he's feeling his beer.

Thank you very much.

He's obviously tied
up in a private game.

And winning.

Maybe we should
try a hotel in town.

Why would he play
at a hotel in town

and stay in a motel out of town?

That's reasonable.

Jennifer: Stop!

- Did you see
that sign back there?
- No, I didn't.

It said, "The Sheltering
Palms Nursery."

Max's tape.

What did he say?

He said, "I'm
giving up the desert

for the sheltering palms."

It's up that road.


The cops!

Hey, wait a minute.
You don't understand.

I understand you're trespassing.

Hey, look, we got
serious business here.

You got no business here.


Come on.

Where's Max?

- Who?
- Max! Where is he?

- You mean you're not the cops?
- No, we're the Harts.

Max works for us.
Now where is he?

Well, he just left.

As a matter of fact,
I loaned him my car.

- He suddenly got very tired.
- Did he smoke that cigar?

- Cigar?
- Yeah, I gave him a cigar.

A special one. Did he smoke it?

Oh, yes. When he
winned big, he lit it up,

just like he said
he was gonna do.

Well, where did he go?

He went to the motel
up on Highway 92.

- 92? Right.
- What kind of a car was it?

Uh, blue Chrysler, four-door.

All right.

We're blocked. Let's
borrow that truck.

( engine starts )

Isn't that Max?

Jonathan: Yeah,
that looks like the car.

Jonathan: He's
swerving all over the road.

( horn honking )

( honking continues )

He doesn't recognize us.

( honking continues )

Hey, Max!

- ( honking continues )
- Max!




Max, pull over!

Hang on.

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna try one last shot.

Hold it, Max! Max!

Go easy!

Hang on.


Oh, Max.

It's all right, Max.
We're here now.


Here's that cigar.

He couldn't have
smoked much of it.

We'll get you to a
hospital very soon, Max.

Everything's gonna be fine!

Hiya, Mr. and Mrs. H.

I won. Some luck, huh?

Yeah. We're all
really lucky today.

Max, are you sure you
should be out of bed?

- It's only been a week.
- I'm fine, Mrs. H.

I was going crazy doing nothing.

Besides, you two guys
are spoiling me rotten.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm feeling
great. Sit down.

Breakfast will be right up.

What is today?

Today? It's Tuesday. Why?

Well, Monday is pancakes.

If it's Tuesday, it
must be eggs Benedict.

- Ah.
- Right, Max?

Nah. You know what I think?

I think you two
guys are in a rut.

So today, I'm giving
you English muffins,

poached eggs with
a little hollandaise,

and some Canadian bacon.

Max, that is eggs Benedict.

Max, you're right.

I think that Mrs. H. and I
should be more adventurous.

Don't you, darling?

Of course.

Yeah, you should
be more like me.

All: Unpredictable.

( theme music playing )