Hart to Hart (1979–1984): Season 4, Episode 10 - A Christmas Hart - full transcript
The Harts go undercover as King Kong and Ann Darrow, as singing telegrams, to trap burglars.
Max: This is my
boss, Jonathan Hart,
a self-made millionaire.
He's quite a guy.
This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.
She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.
By the way, my name is Max.
I take care of both of
them, which ain't easy,
'cause when they
met, it was murder.
( theme music playing )
( Freeway barks )
Max: Hey, Freeway,
that's the Christmas spirit.
Here you go, Freeway.
Your very own Christmas
tree from me to you.
You like it?
( Freeway whimpers )
- What's up?
- ( growls )
( growls, barks )
You're right. Something's wrong.
Mr. and Mrs. H., you up there?
( sniffs ) Something's burning.
( glass pops )
Both: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ You're one in a million ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ And many more. ♪
Jennifer: Yay.
Happy birthday, Max.
Blow out the candles.
All: Surprise!
( clapping )
What the...?
Ernie. Lou.
Big Miller.
The only bookmaker
in the world with a heart.
Hey, as long as I'm here,
how about a little bet
on the Lakers tonight?
How about that?
- Thanks. I love it.
- Jennifer: Aw.
- We love you, too.
- We love you, too.
( music playing )
And now the cake!
Hey, Max... you just
went off your diet.
Max, since your birthday
is so close to Christmas,
we figure you always get
shortchanged out of a party.
And we didn't want
that to happen this year.
When I walked in,
I knew something
wasn't on the up and up.
( laughing )
I better open the gate
for the other guests.
- There you go, Ernie.
- Bless you.
- Happy days.
- Thank you.
How long have you and
Max known each other?
Oh, are you kidding?
We were high school buddies.
Ernie stole my
steady girlfriend.
And you know something?
I been miserable
about it ever since.
I married her. ( laughs )
( laughing )
Thanks loads.
This woman is always
sneaking up on me.
Come on.
Okay, everybody, Max is
gonna open his presents.
- Yeah.
- All right.
Presents! Come on!
I feel like a birthday boy.
Jonathan: Well, that's
what you are, Max.
Which one should I open first?
Oh, start with mine right here.
It's the smallest.
Well, naturally.
Hey... five-year subscription
to my favorite literature,
"The Daily Racing Form."
A gift that keeps on giving.
- And taking.
- ( laughter )
How about this one?
Ernie: Take a wild
guess who gave you that.
- Aha.
- Oh...!
Hey, it's a movie poster.
Oh.
"A Star is Born."
That's the original with Janet
Gaynor and Freddie March.
Remember we took the...
The Needleman sisters.
The Needleman
sisters to see this film.
Yeah, can you imagine that?
They thought we brought
them to watch the movie.
( chuckles ) Uh, Cool it, Ernie.
I'm sorry, honey.
( doorbell rings )
Max, that must be
more of your guests.
Why don't you go play
host and answer the door?
Certainly, Mrs. H.
Both: We're the folks
from Jingle-Grams!
But before we start,
this birthday performance
is from Mr. and Mrs. Hart.
( applause, cheering )
Come on in, you two.
Max? Come on, over here.
Now, Max, you're
the birthday boy,
so you have to stand
right in the middle.
( strums )
Max, spin me.
With pleasure.
- Yeah!
- Max!
( clicking )
♪ Max, the cook
will go by the book ♪
♪ He once tried cooking veal ♪
♪ But it wound up
in Freeway's cup ♪
♪ Let's spin the wheel. ♪
18. Come on, 18.
18?
That's how old I feel tonight.
Yeah, baby!
Chips for Max.
Oh, thanks.
I'm taking this wheel to Vegas.
Oh, but it's my wheel.
That's okay. You can come, too.
Oh.
Easy, Max, easy.
Jingle-Gram man: ♪
Horses, poker, blackjack, too ♪
♪ Any game anyone deals ♪
♪ That's where
Max's money goes ♪
♪ Now spin the wheel. ♪
( wheel clicking )
Max: Four. Come on, four.
Both: ♪ Max spends
jack at many a track ♪
♪ His system is ideal ♪
♪ He loses dough,
win, place or show ♪
♪ Max, spin the wheel. ♪
( clicking )
Nine. Come on, nine.
( crowd gasps )
( crowd laughs )
Ernie's wife: Oh, it's nine.
( crowd chatter )
You know, I think we
picked the right toy for Max.
The wheel, the wheel.
Oh.
For Max, the winner.
( cheering )
Hey, are they terrific?
You know, he happens
to be my sister Kate's kid.
The girl's good, too.
Yeah, they just got married.
I guess that makes
her my niece, right?
- You got a nice niece.
- Yeah.
( guests cheering )
Jennifer: Good.
That was wonderful.
Jingle-Gram man: Thank you.
Jonathan: Would you like
to join us for some cake,
ice cream, coffee?
- Woman: Sure.
- Man: Love to.
Please, come right in.
Ernie said you kids were good,
but I didn't think
you were that good.
You were really wonderful.
How long have
you been doing this?
Not very long.
We've been with
Jingle-Grams about a month.
A month?
Your Uncle Ernie also said
that the two of you were
starting a ballet company.
Well, we're just
getting it started.
We're turning an old rehearsal
hall into a dance studio.
The money we're
making at Jingle-Grams
will help us with
the remodeling.
Well, maybe
we could stop in
and see it sometime.
Great.
Well, how about tomorrow?
Tomorrow? How about tomorrow?
I think we could make that.
- There you are.
- Thank you.
Great party. What a great...
- Hey, listen, didn't I...
- Ernie...
Oh, I'm sorry,
Jonathan. I didn't...
Somebody get some
soda water, please?
- I'll get it.
- Darling.
Oh, I feel like such a...
We're loaded with
warm water around here.
- I'll be right back.
- Really, I'm sorry, Jonathan.
It's all right, Ernie.
Don't worry about it.
Next, please?
- Name, please?
- Big Miller.
"Big"? Is that your legal name?
Aloysius.
"Big Miller."
Line of work?
I'm a...
"arithmetical sporting
prognosticator."
"Bookie."
Did you see anybody
going upstairs tonight?
Just Mr. Hart when Ernie spilt
the chocolate ice cream on him.
I heard it was vanilla.
You want to bet?
Not with you. Thank
you. You're excused.
- Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Hart.
- Good night, Big.
Thank you.
I'm sorry everything
turned out so badly.
Jonathan: I'll
be talking to you.
These are the insurance papers.
Oh, good.
This is the jewelry.
And this bracelet has
particular sentimental value.
Okay.
It's the first Christmas present
I ever gave to Jennifer,
so anything you
could do, Lieutenant,
would be most appreciated.
Okay, we'll do the
very best we can.
You know, Jonathan, it's a
good thing you stopped that crook
before he stole anything else.
Do you have any suspects?
Well, there are three million
residents in this county,
but perhaps somebody
snuck in from out of town.
I'll be in touch. Good night.
All right, good
night, Lieutenant.
- Good night, Lieutenant.
- Good night.
- Max will see you out.
- Okay.
( sighs )
Well... how about a
couple of brandies?
No.
How about a snuggle by the fire?
It's the best offer
I've had all day.
Oh, dear, what a night.
Oh, I'll say.
Brandy, Mrs. H.? Mr. H.?
Oh, thank you, Max.
Thanks, Max.
I'm sure none of my
friends was involved.
We're sure too, Max.
I'm turning in. Good night.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Come over here and snuggle.
- How is that?
- Oh, that's good.
We'll get the bracelet back.
I hope so.
Remember our first
Christmas together?
Oh.
Moose Lake Lodge?
16 below zero, no
heat in the room,
and a blizzard closing
the road to town.
How did you ever
pick a room at Moose Lake Lodge?
Because they're famous.
Famous for what?
Famous for being snowed in.
- Oh, no.
- Mm-hmm.
You mean it wasn't an accident?
An accident? An accident?
You're kidding. You
pay extra for that.
That was the perfect way
to get stranded with you.
Oh.
( telephone rings )
Miss Hopkins: And thank
you for calling Jingle-Grams.
Afternoon, Mr. Billingsley.
And a joyous holiday
season to you, too.
( faint telephone rings )
Miss Hopkins: Merry
Christmas. Jingle-Grams.
( telephone rings )
Hello?
Have you seen the
afternoon paper?
No. What's in it?
Our Jingle-Grams
people were entertaining
last night in a
very fine home...
Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan
Hart, I might add.
So?
So Mrs. Hart's
jewelry was stolen
while my entertainers were
singing birthday greetings.
It seems the thief
used the same method
of operation we planned
to use on Christmas night.
I'm sorry.
You fool.
We've been planning
Christmas for almost a year.
I've placed my Jingle-Grams
people in five homes.
Each with a
precious jewel in it.
And you try a damn dry run?
The Harts' dry run is going
to net us a hundred grand.
Oh. A hundred grand.
I've got the
Beaumont ruby set up
and in the Eberly house,
the Marquis diamond.
I am talking about
a $1 million heist
in one night, and
you settle for bus fare.
So I'll lay low till
Christmas night.
You do that.
Miss Hopkins, I'm going
down to the coffee shop.
- Right, Mr. Billingsley.
- ( telephone rings )
Merry Christmas. Jingle-Grams.
- Jennifer: Hello?
- Man: Hello?
- Jennifer: Hi.
- Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Hart.
Hi!
Well, we promised
we'd come by today.
Great. You feeling a
little better, Mr. Hart?
Yes, I am. Thanks
very much, Wayne.
- Great.
- Well, this is wonderful.
Well, we've got our work
cut out for us, don't we?
Are you going to continue
the rest of the barre
along the back wall?
Yeah. We're gonna
have barres back here.
And on this wall, we're
gonna have mirrors.
Oh.
Well, it's really coming along.
Yeah, and then we're gonna
have some dressing rooms
out back for the students.
Oh, good. When do you
expect to have it finished?
Well, we're shooting
for six weeks.
Well, listen, I
guess Maureen and I
aren't as good a Jingle-Gram
team as we thought, huh?
Don't say that.
Everybody loved you.
Well, not everybody.
Somebody got bored with our act
and decided to take a
tour of your bedroom.
Oh, don't worry about that.
The police will
check all of that out.
They're taking fingerprints now.
Yeah, we're real sorry
about the robbery.
And, you know, we hope
you get everything back.
Thanks very much.
I wish there was
something we could do.
The police will take care of it.
- Uh, darling?
- Hmm?
I think I'd better
get you out of here
before you start
wanting to take class.
Come on.
Darling, do you think
we could talk to...
- To Stanley Friesen?
- Mm.
We have a fellow in our office
who handles special
kinds of projects
and I think he'll
find a little money
for the arts, all right?
Oh, no, thanks a lot, Mr. Hart,
but we couldn't take...
Oh, it'd be our
pleasure, really.
No, really. We couldn't take it.
Yes, you could.
Thank you.
Miss Hopkins: Merry
Christmas. Jingle-Grams.
Jingle and mingle
in all the right places.
Let me check the calendar.
Miss Hopkins, could
I ask you if you know
- when I'm going to work next?
- Give me a minute, Wayne.
No, we don't have any
mud wrestling elves.
Sorry.
Do you know when I'm
booked next because...
- ( sneezes )
- Oh, bless you.
Wayne, Mr. Billingsley
doesn't want his files opened.
I think you should
wait until he returns.
- ( telephone rings )
- Couldn't I just take a look?
Hold, please.
Well, just this once
I guess is all right.
Go take a peek before
the old pill gets back,
but don't mess up his files.
- Thanks.
- ( giggles )
Jingle-Grams. Yes?
Just give the name
of the restaurant,
the address, and the time
you want Lolita to
hop out of the cake.
( telephone rings )
Miss Hopkins: Merry
Christmas. Jingle-Grams.
We jingle and mingle
at all the right places.
( telephone rings )
Can I help you, Wayne?
Mr. Billingsley.
No, I was just...
Oh, that's all
right. I'll tidy up.
If everybody came
trampling in here,
our files would be chaotic.
I was just hoping
to be solidly booked
for the next few weeks.
I need the money.
Wayne, I was just
reading in the papers
that you and Maureen
appeared at a party
last night where a
robbery took place.
You're not saying
that you think...
Oh, of course not.
I just hope you didn't
implicate this firm in any way.
No, no, no, sir. We knew nothing
and that's exactly
what we told the police.
Good lad.
This firm's reputation
is our calling card
into the finest homes.
Wayne, I realize
you haven't been
working for us very long,
but I've been meaning to say
how impressed I am with you.
- You are?
- Yes, I am.
And the scuttlebutt
in the office is that
you're trying to help your
bride's ballet company.
You know, I've been
looking for a tax shelter.
Maybe Maureen's dance company
would be a good idea, huh?
We're fixing up the old
DeMille rehearsal studio.
Why don't I stop
by, say, in an hour?
I might put her
troupe into business
sooner than you planned.
Maureen would be so happy...
Let's just keep it
our secret for now.
It'll be a surprise.
Okay.
I'll see you in an hour.
Oh, it's so good to be home.
I'll say.
Now I know why Santa
Claus lives at the North Pole.
Why?
So he can avoid the
crowds at the stores.
Max, we're home!
That was pretty good, wasn't it?
Jonathan: Yeah, that was good.
- Jennifer: Oh, my feet.
- I have one question.
What?
Why isn't my name
on your Christmas list?
Oh, that's because
your present is in the house.
Oh. Do I get to unwrap it?
Don't you always?
Two hot-buttered rums.
Oh, Max, that's great.
- Why don't you join us?
- Jonathan: Terrific.
Thanks, but I have to
wrap Freeway's present
while he's snoozing
so he doesn't sniff it.
By the way, Wayne called
about a half an hour ago...
The fellow from Jingle-Grams?
He said it's very important.
Did he leave a number?
Yeah, I wrote it down
on the racing form.
- So...?
- So I had eight losers
and I used the racing
form to start the fire.
Well, eight losers certainly
make a nice fire, Max.
I'll call information.
Cheers, darling.
Cheers.
Mm.
Good one, huh?
Great.
Could I have the number
of Jingle-Grams, please?
Right. Thank you.
May I speak to
Wayne Tucker, please?
Do you have a
home number on him?
Okay, thank you.
The answering service.
They don't have a
home number on him.
So I guess if it's
really important,
he'll call back,
so we'll just wait.
Hm.
Maureen, Maureen, I
did. I called the Harts
and I said it was
very important.
Do you think I should
call Lieutenant Warren
about the files?
Okay.
All right, I'll see
you at home by 6:00.
What's so important that
you have to call the police?
Nothing. I was just
hoping that the police
found the Harts' jewelry.
How nice. And what
have you found?
- Me?
- Mm-hmm.
Nothing, sir.
Mr. Billingsley, Maureen
and I are very grateful
for your interest in
Maureen's dance company.
- Nice try.
- ( door bangs )
Wayne: Who are you?
Wayne, how do you
explain our finding
Mrs. Hart's jewelry here?
I didn't steal it.
You brought it here.
I knew something
wasn't right in your files.
I should have called
the police right away.
You were just too nosy.
Locations of jewels
you plan to steal
Christmas night.
Wayne, it happens all the time.
New people just starting out
can't make ends
meet. The result?
Crime.
Oof!
- I'll finish him off.
- I've got a better idea.
- But our plans were not...
- Plans?
When do you follow plans?
Put the gun away.
Instead of shooting him...
Wayne is the thief,
realizes he's
going to get caught,
can't stand the thought of
facing his dear Maureen...
so this is what he does.
( pops, hissing )
Let's get out of here.
( snaps fingers )
I got an idea.
- What?
- Ernie.
He must have
Wayne's home number.
Well, what about
the rehearsal hall?
He said he's always there.
What was the name of that?
The DeMille Rehearsal
Hall in West Hollywood.
- How do you remember that?
- I'm so smart.
The number of the DeMille
Rehearsal Hall, please.
In West Hollywood.
Thank you.
( telephone rings )
( grunting )
( ringing )
Wayne?
( gasping ) Help... help.
Wayne?
Get your shoes on.
Something's wrong over there.
( gas hissing )
It's a lucky thing for you two
you didn't make it inside.
Any idea what set it off?
Yeah, probably this.
That's my jewelry.
The bracelet.
Consider that a loan.
I'm going to need
that as evidence
in the trial of Wayne Tucker...
If he survives.
You found that on Wayne?
Well, we pulled him
out of that rehearsal hall
and that jewelry
was on him, yes.
But he couldn't have stolen it.
He was genuinely
concerned about our robbery.
Jennifer, forgive me.
But when we have a case
involving stolen jewelry
and you find the jewelry
on someone at the scene
of the crime and that someone
seems to have taken gas...
Forgive me...
but aren't you jumping
to conclusions?
All right.
When and if the kid survives,
maybe he can say
something to clear himself.
But unless and
until that happens,
I'm going to treat
him as the guilty party.
Excuse me, Lieutenant,
can I talk to you for a minute?
Yeah, sure.
Darling... Doesn't
seem possible, does it?
They were just married.
He was helping her
work to put this all together
and then he wants
to get rid of it all...
Take his own life?
It doesn't add up.
You know, it is possible
a thief could have
broken in there,
left the jewelry,
tried to frame him
to close the case.
Mr. and Mrs. Hart?
Maureen.
I don't know how this happened,
but I do know Wayne
and he is not a thief.
He said he found something
in the files at Jingle-Grams.
Didn't he talk to
you before this?
He did try to get in
touch with us, yes.
I told him to call
the police right away.
Okay, Mrs. Tucker, we're
going to have to go downtown.
- What for?
- Accessory will do.
We'd only bail her out.
Wouldn't it be easier
if we guaranteed
that she'd be available to you?
All right, Jonathan, on behalf
of the police department,
Merry Christmas. Available.
Merry Christmas, Lieutenant.
Jennifer: Good morning, Max.
- Morning.
- Morning, Max.
How did you sleep, Maureen?
Okay, considering.
We called. Wayne's
condition is...
Unstable, but
he's still conscious.
We called, too.
If you don't like that, Maureen,
Max can make you something else.
Oh, no, this is fine.
But I still don't
understand all this.
If Wayne stole to get my
ballet company started,
wouldn't he have
mentioned it to me?
Not if he didn't do it.
We don't think he did do it.
But the police have
given our house
and your rehearsal hall
a thorough going-over,
and they won't reopen the case.
Maureen, did Wayne say
anything to you about what he saw
in the Jingle-Gram files?
No, just that he was suspicious.
How did you and
Wayne wind up working
for the Jingle-Gram people?
We saw their ads in newspapers.
You just came in off the street?
Off the street.
Max, could I see the paper?
Jennifer: What are you thinking?
I'm thinking that we might
give Jingle-Grams a little visit.
Miss Hopkins: Sorry, our
people don't work naked.
I suggest you call
"Rent-a-Nude."
Help you...?
- ( sneezes )
- Bless you.
We read your ad in the papers.
We'd like to become
Jingle-Gram performers.
We're very talented.
Yes. I can do Cary Grant.
"Oh, I love you, my
darling, yes, I do."
Go ahead and do
some Cary Grant for me.
Is anything available?
Well, it's the
height of the season
and we can put you
on the reserve list.
Names?
Uh, La Fong.
Carl and Portia La Fong.
Just fill this out
and give it to me.
Oh.
Ah-choo!
- Bless you, ladies.
- Jennifer: Oh, dear.
Thank you.
Are you sure there isn't
anyone else we should see?
Mr. Billingsley?
Oh, well, he's not back yet.
Oh.
Is there a ladies' room around?
It's just down the
hall. Here's the key.
Oh, thank you.
This form, do you put
the first names last?
Some people do, then the
last name in the middle, or...
What does it say?
It says put the last name
where the... I can't tell.
No, no, no. Look, look, look.
"La Fong" goes here.
You put my name
where my phone
number's supposed to be.
Oh! That's my last form.
Wait. I'll go and get some
more from Mr. Billingsley's office.
Well, that's all right. You
don't have to, honestly.
Come back. It's okay. We'll
come back another day.
No, it's all right.
Just fill in your
name any place.
And take these.
You mean that we're booked?
We can always use a backup
"King Kong and Fay Wray."
A backup King Kong and Fay Wray.
Oh, that's much better.
If our regular team is booked,
and we need another team,
you go to bat.
Now, just make sure
he beats his chest
and you scream.
We take this and attach it
to your form for a reference.
Now, here's your little script.
But you two remember,
he beats his chest
and you... ( sneezes )
Both: God bless you.
Turn up anything in there?
It's what I didn't turn up.
The file for Christmas
Day is missing.
And the rest of
December and January
doesn't exist.
Well, with Christmas
only a week away
and that being
their busiest season,
the "La Fongs" are
bound to get a call.
Unless, of course, Jingle-Grams
is in a different
kind of business.
( engine starts )
( faint Christmas
music playing )
Well, what do you think, Max?
Mr. and Mrs. H., it's gorgeous.
Both: Thanks.
Max: You know, I sat
by the phone all day
ready to take a call for
Mr. and Mrs. La Fong.
I'm afraid you struck out.
I know.
Mrs. H., do you
think a lot of these
Jingle-Gram people were
involved, or only a few?
Oh, that's hard to say.
Maureen and Wayne
weren't, if you want my opinion.
I'm sorry, Mrs. H.
The police and a jury
don't want opinions.
They want facts, facts, facts.
You know, if they want facts,
maybe we should give them some.
How?
What do you mean?
Wayne and Maureen
created a diversion.
They came into our
house, and we were robbed.
Now, suppose we staged a party
and left some beautiful
item for them to steal.
Maybe we could flush them
out of the woodwork again.
Great.
But we need to have a house.
We couldn't use this
one. They already know it.
I spoke to Johnny
Windhurst's butler.
Johnny is skiing in Aspen.
His house will be
empty for a week.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
All right, we have the house.
Now, how about the diversion?
Max, you are going to
give a great big party.
It'll be my pleasure.
And you know what we
can do, is we can make sure
that the first-string gorilla
and Fay Wray are booked
so that when Max calls, he
gets the gorilla and Fay Wray,
and we know who
that is. That's us.
You sure you can
get Johnny's house?
Mrs. H., we butlers
are as thick as thieves.
So I've heard.
Max: The party is December 25th.
And I've heard about
your Jingle-Gram players.
I told you,
Mr. Billingsley is
handling Christmas Day.
And he says we're
completely booked.
I am Pandro S. Cashman.
I intend to use the
occasion to donate
to the Hollywood Museum
the original Rosebud sled
used in the film "Citizen Kane"
valued at $100,000.
Excuse me, Mr. Cashman.
I'm Mr. Billingsley, the
owner of Jingle-Grams.
Oh, glad to know you, sir.
How do you do?
We'd be happy to
arrange anything you need.
Max: Oh, thank you, sir.
By the way, I happen
to be an old movie buff
and I'd love it if
your Jingle folks
would be Fay Wray and
King Kong when they show up.
Why, certainly.
Miss Hopkins, would you
get hold of the Norvos, please?
Oh, I booked the
Norvos elsewhere.
But another couple
applied for work,
and I gave them the costumes.
Oh, very good.
We'll make it a 4:00
performance then.
Nice meeting you, sir.
I'll call you about the details.
By the way, here's my card.
Oh, thank you.
Nice meeting you, sir.
Mr. Cashman.
I'll call the entertainers,
whoever they are, personally.
Yes, Mr. Billingsley.
Ah-ah... chew.
Bless you.
We're squeezing one more gala
into our Christmas festivities,
a sled worth $100,000.
Ooh, that sounds
too good to pass up.
That's right.
Now I have to call
these poor show folk
who will unwittingly
create the diversion.
The La Fongs.
La Fongs...
They seem familiar.
What are you looking for?
So, getting their bracelet back
wasn't enough for them, huh?
They came in here
looking for work
to set us up at a phony party.
Trying to get
Wayne off the hook.
Yes, and us on the hook.
We call off our Christmas
Day shopping spree?
We've been planning Christmas
for the last 364 days.
We'll not only steal the sled,
we'll make sure it's
Mr. and Mrs. Hart's...
last Christmas.
Max: Of course, moviegoers
saw Rosebud burn.
But this is still Rosebud.
How? Movie magic.
They still had
another scene to shoot
with the sled in it after
Rosebud was burned.
So they built this one.
And now this is
the one and only
existing Rosebud.
( applause )
Well, it looks like Max
has effectively set the trap.
Wasn't it nice of Mrs.
Langworth to loan us Rosebud?
Hmm. Let's just hope
that the bait that he left
at the Jingle-Grams
office is also effective.
( "Jingle Bells"
playing on piano )
Thank you.
- Sir?
- Oh, thank you.
Oh, hello, Lieutenant.
Having fun?
Now, how can I have fun
when I'm supposed to be
looking for a crime
that isn't gonna happen?
You just keep your eye on
Rosebud during our recital.
Your recital?
Now, that's a crime.
All right, darling.
We go on soon.
You better put your head on.
Give me a hand
with this, will you?
Okay.
- You know I'm "ape" over you.
- Oh, that's cute.
How would you like to meet me
on top of the Empire State Building?
Would you quit?
There's a side room
next to the living room.
I'll go over there and
wait for two minutes,
then I'll come out and start
chasing you around the house.
All right. Just
make it look good.
We want all eyes to be
on us and not the sled.
Have I ever had any
trouble chasing you before?
How about giving me
an ape kiss? ( hooting )
Would you get out of here?
Go.
Jennifer, I just got a
phone call from the hospital.
Wayne came to and
told one of my men
that it was the head
of Jingle-Grams
who tried to kill him.
Billingsley? ( gasps )
I've got to tell
Jonathan right away.
Thank you, Lieutenant.
They got the police here.
We're facing an
attempted murder charge.
How do we get out of here?
Take it easy. We're waiters.
Just head for the kitchen.
( piano music continues )
I'm sorry, pal,
but I go this alone.
And he said, "Wobble
it a bit, I'm getting it all."
Mr. Cashman?
Oh, pardon me for a moment.
I just spoke to
Lieutenant Warren.
Wayne came to in the hospital
and said it was Billingsley
that tried to kill him.
So that changes
things around a bit.
Now our thief is wanted
for attempted murder.
Be careful. I'm
gonna warn Jonathan.
( grunting )
Stop that.
I just talked to
Lieutenant Warren.
He said that Wayne
came to in the hospital
and said it was Billingsley
that tried to kill him.
You still want to go
through with this?
Uh-huh.
All right.
( yelling )
Help! King Kong!
Ooh! Enough, enough, enough.
You can put me down now.
Sutton: Shut up or you're dead.
You're not Jonathan.
- ( growls )
- Help!
- ( crowd laughs )
- Help me!
Oh, somebody
help me! ( yelling )
Oh, help! Help! Whoa!
( guests laughing )
( grunts )
Ah! No, help!
Help! Stop! No!
How did you get changed so fast?
Yeah, where's your gorilla suit?
Where's Jennifer?
Hey, he's got Mrs. H.
( tires screeching )
( siren wailing )
( tires screeching )
Out. Out!
Come on, move.
Let's go.
( siren wailing )
We won't be long.
Sit down.
Sit down!
Passports?
Are we going somewhere?
I am.
You're going nowhere... ever.
Lousy... cash.
( crashing ) Ow.
( siren wailing )
Jonathan!
( screaming )
( screaming )
( snaps )
( onlookers screaming )
This is my Christmas toddy.
Two of these, and
you'll really see
flying reindeer.
- Thanks, Max.
- Thanks, Max.
And what happened to the Harts?
Mr. and Mrs. H.!
Stop nibbling on that
turkey until I carve it!
( doorbell rings )
Would you mind seeing
who's at the door?
I got to watch the bird,
otherwise we'll wind up
dining on just
giblets and squash.
Okay, Max.
Both: Ho, ho, ho.
We're the folks
from Jingle-Gram.
And just for a start,
we want you to know
this performance comes
straight from the heart.
Ho, ho, ho.
( laughing )
♪ We wish you a
Merry Christmas ♪
♪ We wish you a
Merry Christmas ♪
♪ We wish you a
Merry Christmas ♪
♪ And a Happy New Year ♪
From Max, Freeway
and Mr. and Mrs. Hart.
♪ We wish you a
Merry Christmas ♪
♪ We wish you a
Merry Christmas ♪
♪ We wish you a
Merry Christmas ♪
♪ Straight from the heart. ♪
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
Ho-ho-ho...
- Jonathan: Ho-ho!
- Jennifer: Oh!
Ho, ho, ho.
Mmm.
( Freeway barks )
( theme music playing )
boss, Jonathan Hart,
a self-made millionaire.
He's quite a guy.
This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.
She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.
By the way, my name is Max.
I take care of both of
them, which ain't easy,
'cause when they
met, it was murder.
( theme music playing )
( Freeway barks )
Max: Hey, Freeway,
that's the Christmas spirit.
Here you go, Freeway.
Your very own Christmas
tree from me to you.
You like it?
( Freeway whimpers )
- What's up?
- ( growls )
( growls, barks )
You're right. Something's wrong.
Mr. and Mrs. H., you up there?
( sniffs ) Something's burning.
( glass pops )
Both: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ You're one in a million ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ And many more. ♪
Jennifer: Yay.
Happy birthday, Max.
Blow out the candles.
All: Surprise!
( clapping )
What the...?
Ernie. Lou.
Big Miller.
The only bookmaker
in the world with a heart.
Hey, as long as I'm here,
how about a little bet
on the Lakers tonight?
How about that?
- Thanks. I love it.
- Jennifer: Aw.
- We love you, too.
- We love you, too.
( music playing )
And now the cake!
Hey, Max... you just
went off your diet.
Max, since your birthday
is so close to Christmas,
we figure you always get
shortchanged out of a party.
And we didn't want
that to happen this year.
When I walked in,
I knew something
wasn't on the up and up.
( laughing )
I better open the gate
for the other guests.
- There you go, Ernie.
- Bless you.
- Happy days.
- Thank you.
How long have you and
Max known each other?
Oh, are you kidding?
We were high school buddies.
Ernie stole my
steady girlfriend.
And you know something?
I been miserable
about it ever since.
I married her. ( laughs )
( laughing )
Thanks loads.
This woman is always
sneaking up on me.
Come on.
Okay, everybody, Max is
gonna open his presents.
- Yeah.
- All right.
Presents! Come on!
I feel like a birthday boy.
Jonathan: Well, that's
what you are, Max.
Which one should I open first?
Oh, start with mine right here.
It's the smallest.
Well, naturally.
Hey... five-year subscription
to my favorite literature,
"The Daily Racing Form."
A gift that keeps on giving.
- And taking.
- ( laughter )
How about this one?
Ernie: Take a wild
guess who gave you that.
- Aha.
- Oh...!
Hey, it's a movie poster.
Oh.
"A Star is Born."
That's the original with Janet
Gaynor and Freddie March.
Remember we took the...
The Needleman sisters.
The Needleman
sisters to see this film.
Yeah, can you imagine that?
They thought we brought
them to watch the movie.
( chuckles ) Uh, Cool it, Ernie.
I'm sorry, honey.
( doorbell rings )
Max, that must be
more of your guests.
Why don't you go play
host and answer the door?
Certainly, Mrs. H.
Both: We're the folks
from Jingle-Grams!
But before we start,
this birthday performance
is from Mr. and Mrs. Hart.
( applause, cheering )
Come on in, you two.
Max? Come on, over here.
Now, Max, you're
the birthday boy,
so you have to stand
right in the middle.
( strums )
Max, spin me.
With pleasure.
- Yeah!
- Max!
( clicking )
♪ Max, the cook
will go by the book ♪
♪ He once tried cooking veal ♪
♪ But it wound up
in Freeway's cup ♪
♪ Let's spin the wheel. ♪
18. Come on, 18.
18?
That's how old I feel tonight.
Yeah, baby!
Chips for Max.
Oh, thanks.
I'm taking this wheel to Vegas.
Oh, but it's my wheel.
That's okay. You can come, too.
Oh.
Easy, Max, easy.
Jingle-Gram man: ♪
Horses, poker, blackjack, too ♪
♪ Any game anyone deals ♪
♪ That's where
Max's money goes ♪
♪ Now spin the wheel. ♪
( wheel clicking )
Max: Four. Come on, four.
Both: ♪ Max spends
jack at many a track ♪
♪ His system is ideal ♪
♪ He loses dough,
win, place or show ♪
♪ Max, spin the wheel. ♪
( clicking )
Nine. Come on, nine.
( crowd gasps )
( crowd laughs )
Ernie's wife: Oh, it's nine.
( crowd chatter )
You know, I think we
picked the right toy for Max.
The wheel, the wheel.
Oh.
For Max, the winner.
( cheering )
Hey, are they terrific?
You know, he happens
to be my sister Kate's kid.
The girl's good, too.
Yeah, they just got married.
I guess that makes
her my niece, right?
- You got a nice niece.
- Yeah.
( guests cheering )
Jennifer: Good.
That was wonderful.
Jingle-Gram man: Thank you.
Jonathan: Would you like
to join us for some cake,
ice cream, coffee?
- Woman: Sure.
- Man: Love to.
Please, come right in.
Ernie said you kids were good,
but I didn't think
you were that good.
You were really wonderful.
How long have
you been doing this?
Not very long.
We've been with
Jingle-Grams about a month.
A month?
Your Uncle Ernie also said
that the two of you were
starting a ballet company.
Well, we're just
getting it started.
We're turning an old rehearsal
hall into a dance studio.
The money we're
making at Jingle-Grams
will help us with
the remodeling.
Well, maybe
we could stop in
and see it sometime.
Great.
Well, how about tomorrow?
Tomorrow? How about tomorrow?
I think we could make that.
- There you are.
- Thank you.
Great party. What a great...
- Hey, listen, didn't I...
- Ernie...
Oh, I'm sorry,
Jonathan. I didn't...
Somebody get some
soda water, please?
- I'll get it.
- Darling.
Oh, I feel like such a...
We're loaded with
warm water around here.
- I'll be right back.
- Really, I'm sorry, Jonathan.
It's all right, Ernie.
Don't worry about it.
Next, please?
- Name, please?
- Big Miller.
"Big"? Is that your legal name?
Aloysius.
"Big Miller."
Line of work?
I'm a...
"arithmetical sporting
prognosticator."
"Bookie."
Did you see anybody
going upstairs tonight?
Just Mr. Hart when Ernie spilt
the chocolate ice cream on him.
I heard it was vanilla.
You want to bet?
Not with you. Thank
you. You're excused.
- Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Hart.
- Good night, Big.
Thank you.
I'm sorry everything
turned out so badly.
Jonathan: I'll
be talking to you.
These are the insurance papers.
Oh, good.
This is the jewelry.
And this bracelet has
particular sentimental value.
Okay.
It's the first Christmas present
I ever gave to Jennifer,
so anything you
could do, Lieutenant,
would be most appreciated.
Okay, we'll do the
very best we can.
You know, Jonathan, it's a
good thing you stopped that crook
before he stole anything else.
Do you have any suspects?
Well, there are three million
residents in this county,
but perhaps somebody
snuck in from out of town.
I'll be in touch. Good night.
All right, good
night, Lieutenant.
- Good night, Lieutenant.
- Good night.
- Max will see you out.
- Okay.
( sighs )
Well... how about a
couple of brandies?
No.
How about a snuggle by the fire?
It's the best offer
I've had all day.
Oh, dear, what a night.
Oh, I'll say.
Brandy, Mrs. H.? Mr. H.?
Oh, thank you, Max.
Thanks, Max.
I'm sure none of my
friends was involved.
We're sure too, Max.
I'm turning in. Good night.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Come over here and snuggle.
- How is that?
- Oh, that's good.
We'll get the bracelet back.
I hope so.
Remember our first
Christmas together?
Oh.
Moose Lake Lodge?
16 below zero, no
heat in the room,
and a blizzard closing
the road to town.
How did you ever
pick a room at Moose Lake Lodge?
Because they're famous.
Famous for what?
Famous for being snowed in.
- Oh, no.
- Mm-hmm.
You mean it wasn't an accident?
An accident? An accident?
You're kidding. You
pay extra for that.
That was the perfect way
to get stranded with you.
Oh.
( telephone rings )
Miss Hopkins: And thank
you for calling Jingle-Grams.
Afternoon, Mr. Billingsley.
And a joyous holiday
season to you, too.
( faint telephone rings )
Miss Hopkins: Merry
Christmas. Jingle-Grams.
( telephone rings )
Hello?
Have you seen the
afternoon paper?
No. What's in it?
Our Jingle-Grams
people were entertaining
last night in a
very fine home...
Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan
Hart, I might add.
So?
So Mrs. Hart's
jewelry was stolen
while my entertainers were
singing birthday greetings.
It seems the thief
used the same method
of operation we planned
to use on Christmas night.
I'm sorry.
You fool.
We've been planning
Christmas for almost a year.
I've placed my Jingle-Grams
people in five homes.
Each with a
precious jewel in it.
And you try a damn dry run?
The Harts' dry run is going
to net us a hundred grand.
Oh. A hundred grand.
I've got the
Beaumont ruby set up
and in the Eberly house,
the Marquis diamond.
I am talking about
a $1 million heist
in one night, and
you settle for bus fare.
So I'll lay low till
Christmas night.
You do that.
Miss Hopkins, I'm going
down to the coffee shop.
- Right, Mr. Billingsley.
- ( telephone rings )
Merry Christmas. Jingle-Grams.
- Jennifer: Hello?
- Man: Hello?
- Jennifer: Hi.
- Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Hart.
Hi!
Well, we promised
we'd come by today.
Great. You feeling a
little better, Mr. Hart?
Yes, I am. Thanks
very much, Wayne.
- Great.
- Well, this is wonderful.
Well, we've got our work
cut out for us, don't we?
Are you going to continue
the rest of the barre
along the back wall?
Yeah. We're gonna
have barres back here.
And on this wall, we're
gonna have mirrors.
Oh.
Well, it's really coming along.
Yeah, and then we're gonna
have some dressing rooms
out back for the students.
Oh, good. When do you
expect to have it finished?
Well, we're shooting
for six weeks.
Well, listen, I
guess Maureen and I
aren't as good a Jingle-Gram
team as we thought, huh?
Don't say that.
Everybody loved you.
Well, not everybody.
Somebody got bored with our act
and decided to take a
tour of your bedroom.
Oh, don't worry about that.
The police will
check all of that out.
They're taking fingerprints now.
Yeah, we're real sorry
about the robbery.
And, you know, we hope
you get everything back.
Thanks very much.
I wish there was
something we could do.
The police will take care of it.
- Uh, darling?
- Hmm?
I think I'd better
get you out of here
before you start
wanting to take class.
Come on.
Darling, do you think
we could talk to...
- To Stanley Friesen?
- Mm.
We have a fellow in our office
who handles special
kinds of projects
and I think he'll
find a little money
for the arts, all right?
Oh, no, thanks a lot, Mr. Hart,
but we couldn't take...
Oh, it'd be our
pleasure, really.
No, really. We couldn't take it.
Yes, you could.
Thank you.
Miss Hopkins: Merry
Christmas. Jingle-Grams.
Jingle and mingle
in all the right places.
Let me check the calendar.
Miss Hopkins, could
I ask you if you know
- when I'm going to work next?
- Give me a minute, Wayne.
No, we don't have any
mud wrestling elves.
Sorry.
Do you know when I'm
booked next because...
- ( sneezes )
- Oh, bless you.
Wayne, Mr. Billingsley
doesn't want his files opened.
I think you should
wait until he returns.
- ( telephone rings )
- Couldn't I just take a look?
Hold, please.
Well, just this once
I guess is all right.
Go take a peek before
the old pill gets back,
but don't mess up his files.
- Thanks.
- ( giggles )
Jingle-Grams. Yes?
Just give the name
of the restaurant,
the address, and the time
you want Lolita to
hop out of the cake.
( telephone rings )
Miss Hopkins: Merry
Christmas. Jingle-Grams.
We jingle and mingle
at all the right places.
( telephone rings )
Can I help you, Wayne?
Mr. Billingsley.
No, I was just...
Oh, that's all
right. I'll tidy up.
If everybody came
trampling in here,
our files would be chaotic.
I was just hoping
to be solidly booked
for the next few weeks.
I need the money.
Wayne, I was just
reading in the papers
that you and Maureen
appeared at a party
last night where a
robbery took place.
You're not saying
that you think...
Oh, of course not.
I just hope you didn't
implicate this firm in any way.
No, no, no, sir. We knew nothing
and that's exactly
what we told the police.
Good lad.
This firm's reputation
is our calling card
into the finest homes.
Wayne, I realize
you haven't been
working for us very long,
but I've been meaning to say
how impressed I am with you.
- You are?
- Yes, I am.
And the scuttlebutt
in the office is that
you're trying to help your
bride's ballet company.
You know, I've been
looking for a tax shelter.
Maybe Maureen's dance company
would be a good idea, huh?
We're fixing up the old
DeMille rehearsal studio.
Why don't I stop
by, say, in an hour?
I might put her
troupe into business
sooner than you planned.
Maureen would be so happy...
Let's just keep it
our secret for now.
It'll be a surprise.
Okay.
I'll see you in an hour.
Oh, it's so good to be home.
I'll say.
Now I know why Santa
Claus lives at the North Pole.
Why?
So he can avoid the
crowds at the stores.
Max, we're home!
That was pretty good, wasn't it?
Jonathan: Yeah, that was good.
- Jennifer: Oh, my feet.
- I have one question.
What?
Why isn't my name
on your Christmas list?
Oh, that's because
your present is in the house.
Oh. Do I get to unwrap it?
Don't you always?
Two hot-buttered rums.
Oh, Max, that's great.
- Why don't you join us?
- Jonathan: Terrific.
Thanks, but I have to
wrap Freeway's present
while he's snoozing
so he doesn't sniff it.
By the way, Wayne called
about a half an hour ago...
The fellow from Jingle-Grams?
He said it's very important.
Did he leave a number?
Yeah, I wrote it down
on the racing form.
- So...?
- So I had eight losers
and I used the racing
form to start the fire.
Well, eight losers certainly
make a nice fire, Max.
I'll call information.
Cheers, darling.
Cheers.
Mm.
Good one, huh?
Great.
Could I have the number
of Jingle-Grams, please?
Right. Thank you.
May I speak to
Wayne Tucker, please?
Do you have a
home number on him?
Okay, thank you.
The answering service.
They don't have a
home number on him.
So I guess if it's
really important,
he'll call back,
so we'll just wait.
Hm.
Maureen, Maureen, I
did. I called the Harts
and I said it was
very important.
Do you think I should
call Lieutenant Warren
about the files?
Okay.
All right, I'll see
you at home by 6:00.
What's so important that
you have to call the police?
Nothing. I was just
hoping that the police
found the Harts' jewelry.
How nice. And what
have you found?
- Me?
- Mm-hmm.
Nothing, sir.
Mr. Billingsley, Maureen
and I are very grateful
for your interest in
Maureen's dance company.
- Nice try.
- ( door bangs )
Wayne: Who are you?
Wayne, how do you
explain our finding
Mrs. Hart's jewelry here?
I didn't steal it.
You brought it here.
I knew something
wasn't right in your files.
I should have called
the police right away.
You were just too nosy.
Locations of jewels
you plan to steal
Christmas night.
Wayne, it happens all the time.
New people just starting out
can't make ends
meet. The result?
Crime.
Oof!
- I'll finish him off.
- I've got a better idea.
- But our plans were not...
- Plans?
When do you follow plans?
Put the gun away.
Instead of shooting him...
Wayne is the thief,
realizes he's
going to get caught,
can't stand the thought of
facing his dear Maureen...
so this is what he does.
( pops, hissing )
Let's get out of here.
( snaps fingers )
I got an idea.
- What?
- Ernie.
He must have
Wayne's home number.
Well, what about
the rehearsal hall?
He said he's always there.
What was the name of that?
The DeMille Rehearsal
Hall in West Hollywood.
- How do you remember that?
- I'm so smart.
The number of the DeMille
Rehearsal Hall, please.
In West Hollywood.
Thank you.
( telephone rings )
( grunting )
( ringing )
Wayne?
( gasping ) Help... help.
Wayne?
Get your shoes on.
Something's wrong over there.
( gas hissing )
It's a lucky thing for you two
you didn't make it inside.
Any idea what set it off?
Yeah, probably this.
That's my jewelry.
The bracelet.
Consider that a loan.
I'm going to need
that as evidence
in the trial of Wayne Tucker...
If he survives.
You found that on Wayne?
Well, we pulled him
out of that rehearsal hall
and that jewelry
was on him, yes.
But he couldn't have stolen it.
He was genuinely
concerned about our robbery.
Jennifer, forgive me.
But when we have a case
involving stolen jewelry
and you find the jewelry
on someone at the scene
of the crime and that someone
seems to have taken gas...
Forgive me...
but aren't you jumping
to conclusions?
All right.
When and if the kid survives,
maybe he can say
something to clear himself.
But unless and
until that happens,
I'm going to treat
him as the guilty party.
Excuse me, Lieutenant,
can I talk to you for a minute?
Yeah, sure.
Darling... Doesn't
seem possible, does it?
They were just married.
He was helping her
work to put this all together
and then he wants
to get rid of it all...
Take his own life?
It doesn't add up.
You know, it is possible
a thief could have
broken in there,
left the jewelry,
tried to frame him
to close the case.
Mr. and Mrs. Hart?
Maureen.
I don't know how this happened,
but I do know Wayne
and he is not a thief.
He said he found something
in the files at Jingle-Grams.
Didn't he talk to
you before this?
He did try to get in
touch with us, yes.
I told him to call
the police right away.
Okay, Mrs. Tucker, we're
going to have to go downtown.
- What for?
- Accessory will do.
We'd only bail her out.
Wouldn't it be easier
if we guaranteed
that she'd be available to you?
All right, Jonathan, on behalf
of the police department,
Merry Christmas. Available.
Merry Christmas, Lieutenant.
Jennifer: Good morning, Max.
- Morning.
- Morning, Max.
How did you sleep, Maureen?
Okay, considering.
We called. Wayne's
condition is...
Unstable, but
he's still conscious.
We called, too.
If you don't like that, Maureen,
Max can make you something else.
Oh, no, this is fine.
But I still don't
understand all this.
If Wayne stole to get my
ballet company started,
wouldn't he have
mentioned it to me?
Not if he didn't do it.
We don't think he did do it.
But the police have
given our house
and your rehearsal hall
a thorough going-over,
and they won't reopen the case.
Maureen, did Wayne say
anything to you about what he saw
in the Jingle-Gram files?
No, just that he was suspicious.
How did you and
Wayne wind up working
for the Jingle-Gram people?
We saw their ads in newspapers.
You just came in off the street?
Off the street.
Max, could I see the paper?
Jennifer: What are you thinking?
I'm thinking that we might
give Jingle-Grams a little visit.
Miss Hopkins: Sorry, our
people don't work naked.
I suggest you call
"Rent-a-Nude."
Help you...?
- ( sneezes )
- Bless you.
We read your ad in the papers.
We'd like to become
Jingle-Gram performers.
We're very talented.
Yes. I can do Cary Grant.
"Oh, I love you, my
darling, yes, I do."
Go ahead and do
some Cary Grant for me.
Is anything available?
Well, it's the
height of the season
and we can put you
on the reserve list.
Names?
Uh, La Fong.
Carl and Portia La Fong.
Just fill this out
and give it to me.
Oh.
Ah-choo!
- Bless you, ladies.
- Jennifer: Oh, dear.
Thank you.
Are you sure there isn't
anyone else we should see?
Mr. Billingsley?
Oh, well, he's not back yet.
Oh.
Is there a ladies' room around?
It's just down the
hall. Here's the key.
Oh, thank you.
This form, do you put
the first names last?
Some people do, then the
last name in the middle, or...
What does it say?
It says put the last name
where the... I can't tell.
No, no, no. Look, look, look.
"La Fong" goes here.
You put my name
where my phone
number's supposed to be.
Oh! That's my last form.
Wait. I'll go and get some
more from Mr. Billingsley's office.
Well, that's all right. You
don't have to, honestly.
Come back. It's okay. We'll
come back another day.
No, it's all right.
Just fill in your
name any place.
And take these.
You mean that we're booked?
We can always use a backup
"King Kong and Fay Wray."
A backup King Kong and Fay Wray.
Oh, that's much better.
If our regular team is booked,
and we need another team,
you go to bat.
Now, just make sure
he beats his chest
and you scream.
We take this and attach it
to your form for a reference.
Now, here's your little script.
But you two remember,
he beats his chest
and you... ( sneezes )
Both: God bless you.
Turn up anything in there?
It's what I didn't turn up.
The file for Christmas
Day is missing.
And the rest of
December and January
doesn't exist.
Well, with Christmas
only a week away
and that being
their busiest season,
the "La Fongs" are
bound to get a call.
Unless, of course, Jingle-Grams
is in a different
kind of business.
( engine starts )
( faint Christmas
music playing )
Well, what do you think, Max?
Mr. and Mrs. H., it's gorgeous.
Both: Thanks.
Max: You know, I sat
by the phone all day
ready to take a call for
Mr. and Mrs. La Fong.
I'm afraid you struck out.
I know.
Mrs. H., do you
think a lot of these
Jingle-Gram people were
involved, or only a few?
Oh, that's hard to say.
Maureen and Wayne
weren't, if you want my opinion.
I'm sorry, Mrs. H.
The police and a jury
don't want opinions.
They want facts, facts, facts.
You know, if they want facts,
maybe we should give them some.
How?
What do you mean?
Wayne and Maureen
created a diversion.
They came into our
house, and we were robbed.
Now, suppose we staged a party
and left some beautiful
item for them to steal.
Maybe we could flush them
out of the woodwork again.
Great.
But we need to have a house.
We couldn't use this
one. They already know it.
I spoke to Johnny
Windhurst's butler.
Johnny is skiing in Aspen.
His house will be
empty for a week.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
All right, we have the house.
Now, how about the diversion?
Max, you are going to
give a great big party.
It'll be my pleasure.
And you know what we
can do, is we can make sure
that the first-string gorilla
and Fay Wray are booked
so that when Max calls, he
gets the gorilla and Fay Wray,
and we know who
that is. That's us.
You sure you can
get Johnny's house?
Mrs. H., we butlers
are as thick as thieves.
So I've heard.
Max: The party is December 25th.
And I've heard about
your Jingle-Gram players.
I told you,
Mr. Billingsley is
handling Christmas Day.
And he says we're
completely booked.
I am Pandro S. Cashman.
I intend to use the
occasion to donate
to the Hollywood Museum
the original Rosebud sled
used in the film "Citizen Kane"
valued at $100,000.
Excuse me, Mr. Cashman.
I'm Mr. Billingsley, the
owner of Jingle-Grams.
Oh, glad to know you, sir.
How do you do?
We'd be happy to
arrange anything you need.
Max: Oh, thank you, sir.
By the way, I happen
to be an old movie buff
and I'd love it if
your Jingle folks
would be Fay Wray and
King Kong when they show up.
Why, certainly.
Miss Hopkins, would you
get hold of the Norvos, please?
Oh, I booked the
Norvos elsewhere.
But another couple
applied for work,
and I gave them the costumes.
Oh, very good.
We'll make it a 4:00
performance then.
Nice meeting you, sir.
I'll call you about the details.
By the way, here's my card.
Oh, thank you.
Nice meeting you, sir.
Mr. Cashman.
I'll call the entertainers,
whoever they are, personally.
Yes, Mr. Billingsley.
Ah-ah... chew.
Bless you.
We're squeezing one more gala
into our Christmas festivities,
a sled worth $100,000.
Ooh, that sounds
too good to pass up.
That's right.
Now I have to call
these poor show folk
who will unwittingly
create the diversion.
The La Fongs.
La Fongs...
They seem familiar.
What are you looking for?
So, getting their bracelet back
wasn't enough for them, huh?
They came in here
looking for work
to set us up at a phony party.
Trying to get
Wayne off the hook.
Yes, and us on the hook.
We call off our Christmas
Day shopping spree?
We've been planning Christmas
for the last 364 days.
We'll not only steal the sled,
we'll make sure it's
Mr. and Mrs. Hart's...
last Christmas.
Max: Of course, moviegoers
saw Rosebud burn.
But this is still Rosebud.
How? Movie magic.
They still had
another scene to shoot
with the sled in it after
Rosebud was burned.
So they built this one.
And now this is
the one and only
existing Rosebud.
( applause )
Well, it looks like Max
has effectively set the trap.
Wasn't it nice of Mrs.
Langworth to loan us Rosebud?
Hmm. Let's just hope
that the bait that he left
at the Jingle-Grams
office is also effective.
( "Jingle Bells"
playing on piano )
Thank you.
- Sir?
- Oh, thank you.
Oh, hello, Lieutenant.
Having fun?
Now, how can I have fun
when I'm supposed to be
looking for a crime
that isn't gonna happen?
You just keep your eye on
Rosebud during our recital.
Your recital?
Now, that's a crime.
All right, darling.
We go on soon.
You better put your head on.
Give me a hand
with this, will you?
Okay.
- You know I'm "ape" over you.
- Oh, that's cute.
How would you like to meet me
on top of the Empire State Building?
Would you quit?
There's a side room
next to the living room.
I'll go over there and
wait for two minutes,
then I'll come out and start
chasing you around the house.
All right. Just
make it look good.
We want all eyes to be
on us and not the sled.
Have I ever had any
trouble chasing you before?
How about giving me
an ape kiss? ( hooting )
Would you get out of here?
Go.
Jennifer, I just got a
phone call from the hospital.
Wayne came to and
told one of my men
that it was the head
of Jingle-Grams
who tried to kill him.
Billingsley? ( gasps )
I've got to tell
Jonathan right away.
Thank you, Lieutenant.
They got the police here.
We're facing an
attempted murder charge.
How do we get out of here?
Take it easy. We're waiters.
Just head for the kitchen.
( piano music continues )
I'm sorry, pal,
but I go this alone.
And he said, "Wobble
it a bit, I'm getting it all."
Mr. Cashman?
Oh, pardon me for a moment.
I just spoke to
Lieutenant Warren.
Wayne came to in the hospital
and said it was Billingsley
that tried to kill him.
So that changes
things around a bit.
Now our thief is wanted
for attempted murder.
Be careful. I'm
gonna warn Jonathan.
( grunting )
Stop that.
I just talked to
Lieutenant Warren.
He said that Wayne
came to in the hospital
and said it was Billingsley
that tried to kill him.
You still want to go
through with this?
Uh-huh.
All right.
( yelling )
Help! King Kong!
Ooh! Enough, enough, enough.
You can put me down now.
Sutton: Shut up or you're dead.
You're not Jonathan.
- ( growls )
- Help!
- ( crowd laughs )
- Help me!
Oh, somebody
help me! ( yelling )
Oh, help! Help! Whoa!
( guests laughing )
( grunts )
Ah! No, help!
Help! Stop! No!
How did you get changed so fast?
Yeah, where's your gorilla suit?
Where's Jennifer?
Hey, he's got Mrs. H.
( tires screeching )
( siren wailing )
( tires screeching )
Out. Out!
Come on, move.
Let's go.
( siren wailing )
We won't be long.
Sit down.
Sit down!
Passports?
Are we going somewhere?
I am.
You're going nowhere... ever.
Lousy... cash.
( crashing ) Ow.
( siren wailing )
Jonathan!
( screaming )
( screaming )
( snaps )
( onlookers screaming )
This is my Christmas toddy.
Two of these, and
you'll really see
flying reindeer.
- Thanks, Max.
- Thanks, Max.
And what happened to the Harts?
Mr. and Mrs. H.!
Stop nibbling on that
turkey until I carve it!
( doorbell rings )
Would you mind seeing
who's at the door?
I got to watch the bird,
otherwise we'll wind up
dining on just
giblets and squash.
Okay, Max.
Both: Ho, ho, ho.
We're the folks
from Jingle-Gram.
And just for a start,
we want you to know
this performance comes
straight from the heart.
Ho, ho, ho.
( laughing )
♪ We wish you a
Merry Christmas ♪
♪ We wish you a
Merry Christmas ♪
♪ We wish you a
Merry Christmas ♪
♪ And a Happy New Year ♪
From Max, Freeway
and Mr. and Mrs. Hart.
♪ We wish you a
Merry Christmas ♪
♪ We wish you a
Merry Christmas ♪
♪ We wish you a
Merry Christmas ♪
♪ Straight from the heart. ♪
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
Ho-ho-ho...
- Jonathan: Ho-ho!
- Jennifer: Oh!
Ho, ho, ho.
Mmm.
( Freeway barks )
( theme music playing )