Hart to Hart (1979–1984): Season 3, Episode 2 - A Couple of Harts - full transcript

The Harts are on holiday in Acapulco, when they hear a senator has been assassinated. The assumption is the assassination is linked to bribery and corruption charges in the silver industry. The Harts decide to investigate.

my boss, Jonathan Hart,

a self-made millionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.

She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.

By the way, my name is Max.

I take care of both of
them, which ain't easy,

'cause when they
met, it was murder.



♪ There's love in the air ♪

♪ Can you feel it now? ♪

♪ There's love in the air ♪

♪ And that's nice ♪

♪ You're learning a lot ♪

♪ About each other's ways ♪

♪ You're learning a lot ♪

♪ Ain't that right? ♪

♪ Know when you're through ♪

♪ You're gonna take
your friend And get away ♪

♪ To Acapulco ♪

♪ That's where You'll find us ♪

♪ Sunny blue waters ♪

♪ Where the sand
Is warm and friendly ♪

♪ Hey, Acapulco ♪

♪ I hear you Softly calling ♪

♪ Sailing around
The horn of love ♪

♪ To Acapulco ♪

♪ Sailing around
The horn of love ♪

♪ To Acapulco ♪

♪ In Acapulco ♪

♪ Hmm-mmm-mmm ♪

Ah, there's nothing like
an Acapulco morning.

Oh, yes, there is. What?

An Acapulco evening.

I got everything
you like, Mr. H.

Enchiladas, tamales,
burritos, plenty of tortillas.

You didn't forget the guacamole.

I got you six avocados worth.

I mashed them myself
with extra hot peppers.

Max, we're going on a
picnic, not an expedition.

But I'm planning on leftovers

so I can take 'em for
my own picnic tomorrow.

Oh, I thought that was today.

Slight hitch in
the plans, Mrs. H.


something happen between
you and, uh, What's-Her-Name?


A momentary distress,

as passing as heartburn.

Max, you have a
wonderful way with words.

And speaking of heartburn,

we got a little upset
with the car today.

What happened? No sweat, Mrs. H.

You know Chico,
the bartender? Yeah.

He said you could
borrow his car.

The parking attendant
is bringing it around now.




Fifty-one Studebaker.
It's a classic.


Ah, Señor Max, heh, how are you?

Here is your car, ready to go.

Gracias. Go?

Go where?

Darling, maybe we should
just wait until tomorrow.

No, wait. What about
your sense of adventure?

Come on.


Oh, Chico did not tell me
you would be buying the car.

Muchas gracias, señor.

Jennifer. Jonathan.

Cesar, buenos dias.

Hello, Max. Buenos dias.

Buenos dias, Cesar.

Hi, Max. Hi.

Where are you off to?

We're going to have a
quiet day in the country.

No business breakfast,
lunch or dinner.

Oh, I envy you.

I'm off to the airport.

I am part of the welcoming
committee for my friend,

Senator Hidalgo.

He's here to give some testimony

about the corruption
in the silver mines.

Oh, yes, I read
something about that.

Where is your car?

MAX: Well, you might
say it's a slight case

of Montezuma's revenge.

Then you must take mine.

Oh. No, thanks,
for your kind offer,

but I wouldn't want
to disappoint Jennifer.

She's been looking forward

to, uh, riding in
this old classic.

Right, darling?

Right. [♪♪]

CESAR: Adiós, mis amigos.

Adiós, Cesar.



Thanks, Max.



Do you think they'll
be safe in that thing?

At least they won't be
stopped for speeding.


JONATHAN: Did you ever
ride in a '52 Studebaker before?

JENNIFER: No, and I don't
think I'll ever do it again.

Fun, huh? Great.


JONATHAN: How do you
say "this is it" in Spanish?




I'm afraid to ask.

Maybe it needs a drink.

Uh, do you think it will
settle for a little sangria?

No, but I might.

Darling, take a
look in that hamper

and see if there's anything
that resembles a pair of pliers.


If you lend me a dime,

I'll go up and
call the auto club.

Senator Hidalgo's
been assassinated.

Cesar's friend.


They're saying the assassin
could not be identified,

but was seen leaving
the scene of the crime,

wearing the uniform

of the People's
Revolutionary Army.

Cesar must have been there.

I hope he's all right.


Well, they don't say anything
about anybody else being hurt.

Darling, let me take a
look at that map in there.

Let's see. We're here.


Up ahead here, there's
a town called Rio Balsas.

Look... Bal... Look at that.

Si, señor.

Ah, buenos dias.


Charming fellow.

Oh, buenos dias.

Lovely home you have here.

You are extremely late.

Well, come in.

If we could trouble
you... I am Eduardo.

How do you do? I'm, uh...

In the future, you are to
use the servants' entrance.

Oh, no, I think there's been
some misunderstanding.

Please, sit there.

The señora will be
with you momentarily.

You see, it's about our car...

Ah, I am sorry,

we cannot provide
parking for the help.

No, no, it's broken
down. Ah, I see,

you have a problem
with your car.


It will be taken care of.

Oh, well, that's
very kind of you.

JONATHAN: And if we
could, uh, use your phone.

You may use the telephone

after you have seen the señora.

I will tell her you
have finally arrived.

Now, please sit down.



This must be a charm school.

When are we gonna tell him
we're not who he thinks we are?

When we get our car back.

What do you think?

Ah, darling, you heard
what Eduardo said.

We might get shot at
dawn if we even touch it.

Don't be silly.

What's the telephone
number at the hotel?

What if Eduardo
catches you? Oh, quiet.



Someone's gonna
die at dinner tonight.

Oh, I wonder what
they're serving.

Be serious.

I just heard a man and a woman

talking about Senator
Hidalgo's assassination.

And then they said
something about,

"Our friend has to
die at dinner tonight."

What are we gonna do?

Well, uh, we'll
play along with this

until we can get out of here.


Señora will see you now.

Oh, well, uh, thank
you very much,

but we... We don't
want to impose.

Please, this way.


Lazlo and Ethyl Kaplovic.

Well, you're certainly
not what I expected.

Thank you, ma'am.

Your references are very good,

but there is no mention
here of your last employer.

Our last employer, uh...

the Harts of Los Angeles.

A charming couple.

Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Hart.

Thank you. And may I ask
under what circumstances

you left their employ?

Mr. Hart started, uh,
taking liberties with Ethyl.


He was that sort of a man.

I see.

Well, I can assure you
that will not happen here.

I certainly hope not.

Now, I assume that I can
count on your discretion.

Oh, absolutely.

There are times
when certain matters

must be dealt with very firmly.

At those times I expect
loyalty from my servants.

And I reward it handsomely.

Of course, ma'am.


Now, I'm giving a very important
dinner party this evening,

and there's a great
deal to be done.

Most especially, Eythl...
EDUARDO: Señora.

Excuse me.


Thank you.

I'm sorry, I must leave
you for a moment.

Please wait here.

Eduardo will be back for you.


Well, do you think we
made a good impression?

Well, you're the
cutest butler I ever saw.

Looks like the guest
of honor has arrived.

Certainly hasn't
dressed for dinner.

JENNIFER: Look at that arm band.


That's the man they
described in the news bulletin.

He must be the one who
assassinated Senator Hidalgo.

And he's here to carve
up the main course tonight.


Where is Señora Piranda?

She awaits you upstairs.
Uh, may I take your...?

No, you may not.

He didn't have much
luggage for an overnight guest.

I don't get the feeling
he's gonna stay that long.

Do you think he's gonna bring
that cannon down to dinner?

It looks like part
of the costume.

I've got a great
idea. What's that?

Let's get out of here.

I'd love to, but I don't
think it's gonna be

as easy getting out of
here as it was getting in.

Besides, someone's walking
into a turkey shoot tonight.

Try Max at the hotel again.

There's no dial tone.

Keep trying.



Gracias, Eduardo.

The news of your success
was most welcome.

It went as planned.

I must admit the death
of Senator Hidalgo

brought no tears to my eyes.

Nor to the eyes of the
peasants he has exploited.

It's good, don't you think,

when one cause serves another?

I would prefer not to delay.

You have my money?

Why must the revolutionary
concern himself with money?

The money's not for me.

It's for the revolution.

Well, the revolution will simply
have to wait a few more hours.

You still insist on having
your stupid celebration.

But you need not
wait till this evening

to receive my appreciation.




What are you doing?

We were calling about our car.

It broke down, remember?

That has been taken care of.

It has?

Oh, heh, how nice.

I will show you
to your quarters.

We've got to get our luggage.

Ah, your luggage is here.


We like to travel light.

Our trunks are being shipped.

This way.



Could I help you unpack?

Oh, that won't be
necessary, Eduardo.

You know, I could
make life around here

a lot more pleasant for you.

Well, that's very nice of you,

but that position's
already been taken.

Thanks, anyway.

Eduardo, is there anything
about the new servants

that strikes you strangely?

The man, Lazlo,
is a bit flippant.

The woman is...

They are otherwise satisfactory.

So you think they
can be trusted?

The company checked
them out thoroughly.

I believe their
past associations

speak well for them.

Well, maybe I'm just
a bit apprehensive

about the celebration.

I will keep an eye, señora.

If I suspect any difficulty,

they can always be...

added to the festivities.

Thank you, Eduardo.

You rang, Ethyl?

Yes. I thought it was
about time the butler did it.


I mean, the silver.

Oh. What do you think?


I'm not talking
about the outfit.

I'm talking about
the guy inside.


Listen, Lazlo, you
don't want to get us fired

on the first day, do you?

You better behave yourself.

You know, this may come
as a surprise to you but, uh,

polishing silver doesn't
come under a butler's duties.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I have news
for you, Lazlo.

Your duties have been expanded.

Oh, by the way,

Eduardo has been
eyeing me like a gavilan.



What's that?

Spanish for "hawk."

Well, I think the hawk

is out in the
courtyard right now.

Yeah, there he is.

Try and give Max a call.

Good idea.




You have a telephone
call, Señor Max.

Thanks, Chico. You're welcome.



Mrs. H, how's the picnic?

Max, the picnic got called off.

What? I-I can't
hear you so good,

but I got great news for you.

The car is fixed.

Listen to me, Max.

We ran into a
little bit of trouble.

We're somewhere near Rio Balsas.

I got you, Rio Balsas.

You see, the car broke
down and then we...

Gee, I'm really sorry I
stuck you with that heap,

but don't worry, I'll
be right out to get you.

Tell him we're in big trouble.

No, no, Max, I don't
think you understand.

We're in big trouble.

Yeah, I got that.
You've got car trouble.

No, no, no.

Big trouble.


No, no, no trouble,
no trouble at all.

Uh, wrong number.

Wrong number. Heh.

Big trouble, no trouble.

Rio Balsas.

Look, honey, I'm sorry.

Here. Here's for the la cuenta.

And I got to catch
up with a '51 Studie.

See ya later.


what do you think?

Not bad.

If we ever get into trouble,
we could always hire out.

Did you get a chance
to call Max back?

Yes, I called him at the hotel,

but they said he wasn't in.

Well, this is one time I hope
he doesn't show up too quickly.

Why can't we
just call the police?

And say what?

"Would you like to
join us for dinner?

There's going to be
murder on the menu"?

I see what you mean.


Looks like we have
some new arrivals.

Good afternoon. May I help you?

Ah, yes, good afternoon.

We have appointment
with Señora Piranda.

May I say who's calling?

Lazlo and Ethyl Kaplovic.

At your services.

The señora won't
be able to see you

until, um... Until tomorrow.

But, no, no, we
have appointment.

But you are extremely late.

The señora's a very busy woman.

You'll have to come back.

But we have been
driving for such a long way.


You drove here?


Where is your car?

Outside, uh, big gate.

Give me your keys
and, uh, I'll bring it in.

I thought you wanted
us to come back.

want you to come back.

Come back to the,
uh, servants' quarters

and, uh, we can talk this over.

But, uh, excuse me. Who are you?

I am Eduardo, your superior.


No, I don't think so.

[GRUNTS] Are you all right?



All right, come on.

Get out of there.

Come on!

You don't seem
too domestic to me.

I'd like to check
your references.

[SIGHING] Inside pocket.

Inspector Karlin, Interpol.


JONATHAN: Inspector Karlin,

would you mind
giving me a little hint

why an inspector from Interpol

would be looking
for work as a butler?

May I suggest that you and
the lady are not servants?

Why do you say that?

We picked up Lazlo and Ethyl

a couple of hours ago.

No wonder they were late.

The name is Hart, Jonathan Hart.

And my partner, Assistant
Inspector McCreedy.

This is my wife Jennifer.

Tell me, Mr. Hart, just what
are you people doing here?

Well, it's a long story.

You see, we started
out on a picnic

and got pressed into
service by mistake.

Then you're not professionals?


McCREEDY: You're
taking a very big chance.

We assumed that by an
overheard conversation.

These people are
revolutionaries, you understand?

They're killers.

JONATHAN: We know.

We think we saw the man

who assassinated
Senator Hidalgo,

Inspector Karlin.

He's here?

the house right now.

Tell me, is, uh...?
Is that the man?

That's him.

We've been tracking that
man for over two years.

He's left a trail of corpses
over three continents.

I don't want you to take
any undue risks with him.

He needs little excuse to kill.

What does the señora
have to do with all this?

She and her kind finance
the whole bloody business.

They both wanted Senator
Hidalgo dead for different reasons.

It still all adds up to murder.

Well, don't look now,

but we've got an unfriendly
face heading our way.

I think you better
give me your ID.

No, don't worry,

a few well-placed
pesos got us in here,

I think it will get us out.

Well, thanks very much,

but we don't need any
more help right now.

Thank you.

Why don't you try one
of the hotels in town.

The señora wishes to
see you in the garden.

Let's go.

Ah, you're just in time.

You can give me a
hand with these flowers.

I'm almost finished.

By the way, who
were those people?

They were, um,
looking for work, señora.


Then why were you chasing them?

Because they, uh...

We thought they
were trespassers.

They got frightened and ran.

Well, don't give
it another thought.

The guards will simply
escort them from the premises.




Ethyl, take these in the
house for me, will you.

Oh, yes, ma'am.

Is something the matter?

No, no. No, I just
thought I heard something.


Did you hear anything?

No, I, uh, think that
was a car, señora.

It must've been.


those will make a lovely
centerpiece for this evening,

don't you think?

Yes, ma'am.


Hey... Hey, kid.


Por favor, Rio Blasas.

Uh, no, Rio Balsas.

Rio Balsas?




Si, no.

Look, maybe your geography's
better than your English.


Rio Balsas. Thanks, gracias.


Okay, you, Popeye.



I told our friend there
would be an airplane

to take him out of the country
as soon as he was paid.

Now, he expects to
see his money tonight.

MAN: Our people
are very pleased.

It is not often that
the Right and the Left

work together so harmoniously.

You have the money, yes?

Yes, of course.

Good. Cocktails are at 5.

I will be there promptly.

I wouldn't want to
miss his look of surprise

when we give him his bonus.

Well, certainly he deserves it.

He saved our corporations
a great deal of money.

And just think of it, Evelinda.

Tonight he's going
to save us even more.

He's out in the courtyard.

Okay, let's go.

I was just delivering some
refreshments to your guests.

Ah, very good.

I like initiative.

Well, take it up.

Ethyl... do you find
me, uh, unattractive?

Uh... excuse me.


You did not answer my question.

I find you, uh... charming.

Charming. Ah.

Well, obviously your
previous employer

found you equally
as enticing as I do.

My, my, my.

What long ears we have.

Ah, it is part of my
service to the señora.


You know, you are
not only beautiful,

but very spirited.

And very busy.

Part of my services
to the señora

are to keep things
neat and tidy,

and if you don't mind

I have a lot of other
things to brush off.

Excuse me.



Did you find anything?

Not yet.


Look at that.

Three passports.

Looks like our man
really gets around.

This must be one
of his press clippings.

JENNIFER: Isn't that Senator
Hidalgo standing next to Cesar?

You think those circles
mean they're both targets?

That's exactly
what it looks like.

We better put this stuff
back and get out of here.



We just thought we'd take

this opportunity
to tidy up a bit.

We brought you some wine, sir.

Would you like to have me
open it and let it breathe?

TOMAS: If you want
to continue to breathe,

I would suggest
you get out of here.

Would you like me
to draw your bath, sir?



Thank you very much, sir.

So this is Rio Balsas.

I hope.




Anybody home?

Hey, man. How you doing?

Early fifties, huh?

No, sixties, man.

That was a Stones tune

before anybody even
knew who they were.

I'm talking about the car.

Oh, yeah. She's a
beauty, ain't she?

A classic. It isn't for
sale by any chance, is it?

Are you a, uh,
collector or something?

Sort of.

You own the car?

Well, you might say

I got controlling
interest in the vehicle.

Who's your partner?

Hey, man, that's not important.

But if, uh...

If you're prepared to
make me a reasonable offer,

then I think we can,
uh, definitely negotiate.

I'm prepared to
take it off your hands,

but I like to deal directly
with the principals.

Yeah, the, uh... The body
needs a little bit of work,

but she runs like a dream.

You want me to
start her up for you?

You got the
registration on this car?

Registration... No...

You know, I think it's been
misplaced or something.

Has your partner
got the registration?

Look, I tell you
what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna let you steal
it for him for two bills.

Two hundred dollars?

Yeah, and I'll even
put the gas back in.

What do you say?

Sonny, I hate to tell you this,

but this car has been
involved in an armed robbery.

Wow, man, uh...

Look, I-I don't know
nothing about that.

Now if you give me your
complete cooperation,

I won't book you
as an accessory.

Look, I-I really... I
don't know anything.

All I know, these
people, they called me up,

they told me to pick up the car

and tow it, and
that's all I know.

Who's "these
people"? Who's "they"?


Do you really think they killed
those people from Interpol?

Well, I'm not counting on
them riding into the rescue.

The señora is outside.

Where's Eduardo?

I don't know, but you can
bet if I got on the phone,

he'd appear like a shot.

Well, now that our friend
has been authenticated,

I think we better get
the police out here.

Why don't we just
make a run for it?

Darling, the nearest town
could be miles from here.

If we knew where we were.

Besides, somebody's
gonna be killed tonight.

Now, come on, we've
got to warn them.

Here, the phone.
Get on the phone.

Not even a dial tone.

Well, that's funny.

I saw the señora
using it minutes ago.

Yes, that's true.

But I had Eduardo shut down
the service for the evening.

Less chance of being disturbed.

I do hate phones jangling

in the midst of a social event.

Was there someone important
you were trying to reach?


It was the butter.
We were running low.

So I thought I
would call the market

and see if perhaps
they couldn't deliver.

Oh, that won't be necessary.

The larder in the
basement is fully stocked.

Just ask Eduardo to show you.

Oh, thank you,
madam. I'll do that.

Ah, the hors
d'oeuvres look lovely.

Did you do these, Lazlo?

Yes, I did, señora.

Very good.

The guests will be
arriving in about an hour.

The champagne is well-chilled?

Yes, it is, señora.


Oh, by the way...

I think both of you are
going to work out very well.

Thank you, ma'am.



Thank you.

Excuse me.

Ah, our last arrival.


You look as ravishing as usual.

Ah, thank you, Cesar.

Ethyl, some champagne.




Thank you,
Ethyl, that'll be all.

Evelinda, this is a perfect
evening for a celebration.

And we have much
to celebrate, don't we?


Darling, it's Cesar.

He's the one
they're going to kill.

We've got to warn him somehow.

Gentlemen, I have a
wonderful dinner in store for us.

But first, I suggest
we settle our business.

I shall return shortly
with our guest of honor.

Why, thank you, Jennifer.


Cesar, listen to me. Jennifer,

if you and Jonathan are
having financial difficulties,

you could have come to me.

You're in danger.


They're gonna kill you.

Who are they?

The señora and a hired assassin.

They murdered Senator Hidalgo.

How do you know this?

It's too involved
to go into right now.

Have you passed this
information onto anyone else?

No, we couldn't get
through to the police.

Let me handle it.

Where is Jonathan?

He's over there serving drinks.

Good. I need more champagne.

Tomas, you must come down.

I don't want them to see me.

That's what we agreed to.

Why can't you just bring
the money to me here?

My darling, I told you.

They don't trust me.

They don't even
believe you're here.

Don't you understand?

I must remain faceless.

If they ever recognize me,

I could be in great danger.

But you're leaving
the country tonight.

You'll be safe.

Oh, do it for me.


I promise, it'll be the last
thing I'll ever ask you to do.

Then let's get it over with.

Is it not beautiful?

David, at last we
agree on something.


You do set a
lovely table, Ethyl.

Ah, gracias, señor.

Gentlemen, I have
brought you the man

you'll all want to meet.

Evelinda, I have some people

I would like you
to meet as well.

Allow me to present
Mr. Jonathan Hart

and his charming wife, Jennifer.

Cesar, what are
you talking about?

I don't think the Harts will
deny that we know each other.

Quite well, in fact.

Obviously, not as
well as we thought.

CESAR: My friends,

I regret you had to find out

about our little conspiracy.

But you must understand

that if Senator Hidalgo would
have given his testimony,

I and my colleagues

would have been put under
such great financial strain.

The only problem it seems is:

what do we do with these people?

CESAR: Not at all.

We're fortunate. Our
guest of honor is still with us.


don't involve me in
your petty difficulties.

That won't be necessary, Tomas.

I'll deal with you later.

I told you before, Tomas,

that coming down here
would be the last thing

I'd ever ask you to do for me.






Hold it right there. Don't move.

Don't move.

We thought you two had had it.

Oh, the shots, yeah, that
cost me a few extra pesos.

I tell you what, we'll
clean up around here.

You two take the night off.


Mr. H, Mrs. H, you okay?

Everything's under
control, Max, thanks.

Max, will you pour?

Sure thing. Oh.

What's with the getups?

We'll tell you about that later.

Remind me to give you a raise.



Here she is, Señor Max.

All ready to go, huh?


Gracias, señor.

You're sure you won't
come with us, Mr. H?

Oh, no, thanks, Max.

We've had enough
picnics for one trip.

Here you go. I had them
pack all your favorite things:

chile rellenos,
enchiladas, refried beans,

and plenty of tortillas.

And we'd never
forget the guacamole.


You sure benefited
from your experience.

Well, we still
have a lot to learn.

You can practice on me any time.


Adiós, Juanita.


Well, now we can have a nice,

quiet, relaxing
day to ourselves.

Are you absolutely sure

you wouldn't rather
have gone with them?

No, I think I'd rather find out

just how much fun a
vacation in Mexico can be.

Mm. Well, you can
practice on me any time.