Hart to Hart (1979–1984): Season 3, Episode 15 - The Hart of the Matter - full transcript
NARRATOR: This is
my boss, Jonathan Hart,
a self-made millionaire.
He's quite a guy.
This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.
She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.
By the way, my name is Max.
I take care of both of them,
which ain't easy,
'cause when they
met, it was murder.
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
Is that it, Mr. H?
That's it, Max. The
last of the luggage.
Now, you're sure you won't
change your mind and come?
To France?
Thanks, Mr. H, but
I never go anywhere
where I can't say "full
house" in the native language.
[BARKS]
Well, it sounds like
Freeway wants to go, too.
Oh, baby, you can't
go with us this time.
This is strictly business.
Oh, you wonderful hound.
Mwah.
Okay, okay, just don't
stand there, you two.
We only got a half an
hour to get to the airport.
Well, I've got the passports.
Have you got the tickets?
Have you got the
tickets, Max? Yeah.
Here are the plane tickets,
the train tickets
and the boat tickets.
I hope that's everything.
No, you've gotta arrange for
a carriage when you get there.
Oh.
Carriage?
[♪♪]
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]
[FOGHORN BLOWS]
JENNIFER: Well, I
suppose we should
be happy about
one thing, darling.
At least we were able to
find a horseless carriage.
Well, I must admit the
scenery is charming.
But what I can't understand is
why Andrew couldn't talk to you
about this project
in Los Angeles.
Well, he could, but,
uh... Let me ask you:
Was this trip your idea
or his idea? Come on.
You mean whisking you away
to a remote romantic island
off the coast of France?
[GIGGLING]
Well, of course, it was my idea.
It was? Uh-huh.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Bonjour, madame.
Bonjour. Bonjour.
Bonjour, monsieur.
MAN: Bonjour.
Welcome to the Chateau Beauvais.
I'm Jonathan Hart.
My wife, Jennifer.
Enchanté.
We have your room all
ready for you, Monsieur Hart.
May I have your passports?
I have them.
Merci.
I will only be a moment.
If you will just sign the
register, please. Thank you.
Ah. Monsieur.
Thank you, madame.
I see that Andrew's
already signed in.
He's in Room 7.
Oh. Well, we should
let him know we're here.
You know something?
I have even a better idea.
I'll be right back.
I've chosen Room 12 for you.
The top floor,
overlooking the gardens.
Oh. Sounds lovely.
And because it is
the end of the season,
you will have the chateau
almost entirely to yourselves.
Wonderful.
Oh, bonjour.
Bonjour, monsieur.
What can I get for you?
Uh, nothing for me, but do
you have, uh, Dom Perignon?
Oui, oui.
Good. I'd appreciate it
if you'd send a bottle up
to Andrew Thomas'
room. Number 7.
Room 7, monsieur?
Right. And you can put it
on my bill, Jonathan Hart.
We just checked in.
Oui, Monsieur Hart.
Thank you.
Francois.
Oui, Papa?
Ici.
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
Darling,
there doesn't seem
to be an elevator.
No elevator? No.
Well, then let's
just think of this
as our stairway to paradise.
All right.
[♪♪]
Well, what did you
do about Andrew?
I sent him a bottle
of champagne.
Oh, that was very thoughtful.
I've got a better idea. What?
Let's help him drink it.
Oh, well, now, that's
even more thoughtful.
C'est fini, monsieur.
Ah, well,
the room service is
certainly lightning fast.
Certainly is.
Uh, 5...
6 and 7. Seven.
Oh, darling, look at
that beautiful chest.
It's so... French.
I couldn't have
said it better myself.
Ah. Jennifer!
Andrew.
Jonathan, welcome.
Good to see you.
Think of us as two glasses
in search of champagne.
Well, you are in luck.
I just happened to have stumbled
across an excellent bottle.
Oh. What a coincidence.
Come in. Thanks, pal.
[GLASSES CLINKING]
ANDREW: To old friends.
And new ventures. Cheers.
Mm. Please, make
yourself comfortable.
Ah. Thanks very much.
Did you have a good trip?
Oh. Oh, yes, we
had a great trip.
We went by, uh, plane,
train, boat and car.
Is that all?
Well, Jonathan, I admit,
uh, this place is a bit remote,
but that's part of its charm.
And not a corporate
decision to be made
in any direction for miles.
Exactly.
Oh, it's good to
see you, Andrew.
Ah. It's been such a long time.
Not since... well, actually,
not since your wedding.
Has it been that long?
Oh, I remember it vividly.
I didn't know
which side to sit on,
the bride's or the groom's.
My prize-winning writer,
or my good friend
for so many years.
Isn't that odd?
People even take sides
when you're gonna get married.
Which side did you sit on?
Oh... JONATHAN:
Come on, the truth.
Which side...? I won't tell.
I know a tricky question
when I hear one.
You know, I am so
glad you did so well.
You have a lot of talent.
Oh, well, I'm very flattered.
You should be.
That's a compliment,
coming from a publisher
with his reputation.
Oh, come on.
Well, it's true, I've had
several lucky breaks,
a few of which I feel you
had something to do with.
You could've done it without
me. Besides, what are friends for?
Now, um, I hope
you'll let me borrow her.
Because, uh, this place...
I mean, Chateau Beauvais...
Has given me an idea for
the series of travel articles
I want Jennifer to write for me.
Ah, yes.
Little-known tourist treats.
I have ideas for approaches.
You want to talk about it now?
We have plenty of time
tomorrow at breakfast
to discuss business.
Tonight is for fun,
tonight is for friendship. Ah.
I drink to that. I will
drink to that as well.
To friends. To friendship.
[♪♪]
[JENNIFER CHUCKLING]
Oh, darling, isn't
this beautiful?
Oh, yeah.
It is beautiful, but
aren't you concerned?
Concerned about what?
Well... here we are
on Isle St. Pierre,
stranded... [CHUCKLES]
almost alone.
Oh.
No Max.
No Freeway.
No interruptions.
Mm.
Isn't it marvelous?
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Hold that thought.
Are you holding?
I'm holding.
Oh, Francois.
Bonsoir, Monsieur
et Madame Hart.
Pour vous, compliments
du Chateau Beauvais.
Merci.
Bonsoir.
Bonsoir.
Compliments of the house.
Oh.
Looks wonderful. Mm.
Oh. Whew!
Even the whipped
cream must be 200 proof.
I'll bet it's about
500 calories a gulp.
My waistline will thank
me in the morning.
Now, where were we?
Oh, yes.
I was supposed to
be holding the thought.
I'm still holding the thought.
[CHUCKLES]
Good.
Darling?
Oh.
Well,
I guess I'm gonna have to
hold on a little while longer.
[THUNDER RUMBLES, RAIN PATTERS]
[THUNDER CRASHES]
[CLATTERING, FOOTSTEPS]
[CLATTERING,
INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[GRUNTS]
[WHISPERING IN FRENCH]
Bonsoir.
Oh, bonsoir, madame.
Uh, I am sorry if
we disturbed you.
Oh, no, no, no. I... I
wasn't asleep anyway.
Oh.
Well, as I said... bonsoir.
Bonsoir.
[♪♪]
You will be three?
Uh, that was the plan, yes.
Excuse me, but, uh,
what's all the activity?
Oh, uh, a wedding
reception, madame.
Uh, a couple from the
village, this afternoon.
Aw. You are very
welcome to join in.
Well, that's
wonderful. Thank you.
Thank you.
I wonder what's keeping Andrew.
Mm. Oh, I'm sure he'll be
down in a minute, darling.
Relax. Enjoy the morning.
Especially after
that storm last night.
Storm?
Oh, you missed it.
Along with a couple
of other things.
By the way, I'm still
holding the thought.
What thought?
I'll explain it to you later.
Um, maybe I'll call Andrew.
He might still be
asleep in his room.
Ah, good morning. Good morning.
Uh, perhaps you could help me.
With pleasure, of course.
By the way, how did
you sleep, Monsieur Hart?
Excessively well. Thank you.
Uh, my wife and I
were supposed to have
breakfast with
Mr. Thomas this morning.
I wonder if you
could ring his room?
I am sorry, monsieur. Who?
Andrew Thomas. Room 7.
There must be some mistake.
JONATHAN: Monsieur Thomas.
He's in Room 7.
But we have no Thomas
registered, Monsieur Hart,
and there is no Room
7 in this chateau.
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
Uh. Excuse me, did
I hear you correctly?
Yes, madame, I just
said to Monsieur Hart
there is no Thomas
registered here,
and we don't have any
Room 7 in the chateau.
But we shared a bottle of
champagne last night in Room 7.
But that is not
possible, madame.
Perhaps a tiring
day of travel...
Perhaps if we
looked at the register.
He signed in before we
did. Oh, that is not possible.
I am sorry. That would be
against hotel regulations.
Uh, the easiest
way to clear this up
is for us to talk to
Andrew in person.
Why don't we go up
to the room ourselves?
Perfect. As you
like, Monsieur Hart.
Now, let's see.
Room 5.
Room 6.
And, uh...
well, we seem to have
misplaced Room 7.
Maybe somebody rearranged
this wing when we weren't looking.
Well, it certainly
isn't where we left it.
And there was a
trunk there last night.
I swear to it.
Well, if the trunk was there,
then Andrew's room
must have been here.
Darling, how much
champagne did we drink?
Bonjour, monsieur,
madame. Oh, madame.
Oui? Uh, where is Room 7?
Oh, no, there is no
Room 7, madame.
You see, I know, I've been
cleaning these rooms for years.
You don't send them out, do you?
Pardon, monsieur?
Nothing.
You see, madame,
the number seven
brings very bad luck.
Oh.
Excusez-moi.
Maybe she's right. The
number seven doesn't seem
to have done Andrew much good.
I can understand
Andrew wandering off,
but his room?
Maybe something
wandered in front of it.
Well, I've heard
of stealing towels,
but a whole room?
Darling, do you think
we're going crazy?
Either that or somebody's
thought of everything.
I think I like your
explanation better than mine.
Why don't we, uh, have a
couple of drinks with the bartender
and discuss it?
He's the one I ordered the
bottle of champagne from.
He's also the one who probably
mixed those French whammies.
And he's also one of the men
who was carrying
that trunk last night.
I'm beginning to wonder
what was in there.
Ah, voilà.
Here you are, madame.
Monsieur. Thank you.
Enjoy your drinks.
Excuse me. Oui, monsieur.
You remember me from last night?
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
Monsieur et Madame Hart.
Ah-ha.
You ordered the champagne, no?
Yes, and you sent it to Room 7.
Room 7? Oh, no.
Room 17, as you requested.
The chateau, uh, has no Room 7.
Very bad luck.
Uh, will there be anything else?
Darling? Mm.
Apparently not.
Très bien.
Nice try.
Something funny is
going on around here.
Maybe we could get a
straight answer from that kid.
Francois.
Oui, monsieur?
When you delivered that
bottle of champagne last night...
Oui, monsieur. Was
Monsieur Thomas
in his room?
Oh, oui, monsieur.
But his name is Tobias.
Monsieur Tobias,
he tipped very well.
And, um, Monsieur
Tobias was in Room 17?
Oui, madame.
Is there something else
I can take up for you?
No, nothing else, thank you.
You've done enough for today.
Oui, monsieur.
Well, they've certainly
managed to cover all the bases,
haven't they? Whoever they are.
It certainly looks that
way. They must be playing
for pretty high stakes if
they're involving the kid.
But why?
What could Andrew possibly
mean to these people,
let alone his room?
That's what we've
gotta find out.
How are we gonna do that?
Our charming,
befuddled tourist approach
hasn't gotten us
anything but blank looks.
Maybe we'd be more successful
if we used the direct approach.
[♪♪]
[WHISPERING IN FRENCH]
May I be of service,
Monsieur Hart?
You could've been
earlier this morning,
but now I think it's time
we called the police.
The police? You're not still
looking for Monsieur Thomas?
JENNIFER [CHUCKLING]:
I'm afraid we are.
You see, someone seems
to have misplaced him,
along with his room.
But, madame, I've
already explained that...
Your entire staff has explained.
Now we think it's time you
explained to the authorities.
I would be glad to oblige,
but the nearest police
station is in Cherbourg,
where you took the boat.
Then call them.
And let them take the boat.
I'm afraid that will not
be possible, monsieur.
Unfortunately,
last night's storm
damaged the lines.
We have had no telephone
service all morning.
There must be some
way to get through.
Only the shuttle boat, madame.
And that won't be back
until tomorrow morning, hm?
You know, the
charm of this place
is quickly beginning
to disappear.
What we're saying is that we
don't like what's going on here.
But, please, monsieur, there
is no reason to become upset.
No reason?
A man... a friend disappears
from your hotel without a trace?
And neither you
nor any of your staff
will even admit he
even existed at all.
Ha!
This is supposed to be
such an isolated place.
He must be here somewhere.
Somewhere.
Jonathan.
[♪♪]
The disappearing trunk.
Maybe Room 7 is inside.
[RINGS]
Ah, ha!
The service must have
just been restored, monsieur.
BARTENDER: Hello?
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
I will call the police as
soon as I finish this call.
I think we've had it here.
Why don't we go
out for some air?
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
Darling, why would anyone
want Andrew to disappear?
He was honest,
respected, successful.
Would you think he would
want to make himself disappear?
Oh, I don't think he
was that successful.
Well, it's gotta be
some kind of a setup.
Everybody's singing
the same song but us.
Do you think it was some
sort of a plot against him?
I don't think that's
very likely, darling.
MAN: Excusez-moi, mes amis.
You're not gonna tell
us about Monsieur Tobias
in Room 17, are you?
No, monsieur, but
I must caution you
about moving too
far from the chateau.
These gardens are extensive
and you could
become lost very easily.
Just like Andrew.
And his room.
We'll be very
careful, thank you.
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
[♪♪]
Jonathan, look!
Yeah, it looks like Andrew.
It is Andrew.
Andrew!
JENNIFER: Andrew!
Oh, what a relief.
Well, where did he go?
It looks like Andrew's
playing hard to get.
What's happening?
Who's shooting at us?
It looks like it's Andrew.
It's all right,
darling. He's gone.
He tried to kill us.
[♪♪]
Did you enjoy your
walk, Monsieur Hart?
Yes, there's nothing
like a walk in the garden
to keep the circulation going.
Or to put us out of circulation.
Bonjour.
Bonjour, madame.
Bonjour, monsieur.
Maybe we should just
lock ourselves in our room,
and wait for the boat.
Here we go again.
All right, sir.
Don't tell us you're here
to rearrange the furniture.
Monsieur Hart, madame.
I am Inspector Novier.
Reinforcements.
Oh.
It is an amazing story you tell.
And it's absolutely
true, inspector.
You're the only one
that's taken us seriously.
And the hotel staff will
take me seriously, monsieur.
I'll show you.
Inspector.
We're looking for the manager.
Uh, I think you will find him at
his desk in the lobby, monsieur.
We just came from there.
Is anything the matter?
We would prefer to take
it up with the manager.
BARTENDER: Well,
perhaps he's upstairs.
I will go and try
and find him for you.
We will try together.
Will you wait here, please?
Gladly.
If he suggests to look
in the gardens, inspector,
pass.
Well, what would you say
to a glass of white
wine while we're waiting?
Mm. I'd say "Hello,
glass of wine."
That's cute, you know that?
Do you like that?
Yeah, very cute.
I knew you would.
Uh, put this on my tab.
Very generous as well. [LAUGHS]
Oh, yes.
Darling. What?
What is happening to us?
I don't know.
I honestly don't know.
To you.
And you.
They are waiting for
us in here, monsieur.
But I don't understand what
can possibly be the problem.
Your guests seem to be having
some trouble here, monsieur.
To put it mildly. Oh, yes.
Something about a...
A Monsieur Tobias.
Thomas. And Room number 7.
But we have no Room 7.
We shall see.
I'm afraid we'll have to
examine your records.
Ah, with pleasure.
Of course, of course.
After you.
In these registers here
it seems like no one's
ever even checked into a Room 7.
It's a complete and
thorough cover-up.
There is perhaps another
explanation, monsieur.
JONATHAN: Yeah, what's that?
NOVIER: Well, everything seems
to be in order here.
After a tiring journey
to a foreign land,
you might have imagined things.
JONATHAN: What are
you suggesting, inspector?
That my wife and I
made this story up?
Uh, darling,
I think the inspector
may have a point there.
After all, it... it
was a long trip,
and we did have a bit to drink.
Huh? We're probably just wasting
this nice policeman's
valuable time.
I'm afraid your wife
is right, monsieur.
Without some concrete evidence,
there seems to be
nothing more I can do.
Well, I think you've done
quite enough already, inspector.
After all, you made this
long trip out to the hotel.
I think what we really
owe you is a vote of thanks.
Don't we, darling? Yes. Um,
thank you very much, inspector.
So probably the best thing
we can do is to just go outside
and get some more
fresh air, don't you?
Thanks again. Goodbye.
Bye. Thank you.
JENNIFER: Voilà.
La famille Beauvais.
That's an interesting
family portrait.
Isn't it?
JONATHAN: The manager.
JENNIFER: Mm-hm.
JONATHAN: The bartender.
The maid.
Francois.
Our friendly policeman.
So much for help
from the mainland.
JONATHAN: But who
does he remind you of?
He does look
familiar, doesn't he?
Sort of like Andrew?
[HEDGE CLIPPERS SNIPPING]
Let's talk to that caretaker,
see if he knows anything. Mm.
Bonjour.
Oh, bonjour,
mademoiselle, monsieur.
My compliments on your work.
Merci beaucoup. The
garden is beautiful.
Merci.
Have you been working here long?
Oui. Oui. For many years.
Ah. Ah.
Do you recognize
this, uh, picture?
Ah, of course. This is
the old Beauvais family.
Oh. Ah.
Do you recognize,
uh, that man there?
Ah, him.
Claude. Claude Beauvais.
Does he also work
here at the chateau?
Oh, no, no, no. Not anymore.
He is... how do you say?
The black sheep. A bad
man. Very much criminal.
He is wanted by more
countries than I can count.
Uh, where is he now?
They say he's
somewhere in Italy.
Who knows?
E-excusez-moi.
I must get back to my work.
Pardon.
[♪♪]
Another mystery of
the Chateau Beauvais.
[ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
This looks like our chance
to find the missing room.
They may have hidden the door,
but there's got to be a window.
Are you sure this
is the way to find it?
Don't spoil my fun.
This worked when I was a kid.
Well, let's hope it wasn't
just beginner's luck.
Room 7.
Not only bad luck,
but a bad view.
What a mess.
Maybe the maid didn't
know about this room.
[THUMP, FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[GASPS]
[GASPS]
[♪♪]
You are not seeing
a ghost, Mrs. Hart.
I am not Andrew Thomas.
Well, who...?
Don't ask any questions.
There's so little
time for answers.
Claude Beauvais.
Very good, Mrs. Hart.
I am surprised
you recognized me.
I saw your family portrait
hidden in the office.
Oh, that's how
you know about me.
What about that phony policeman?
Who is he?
My brother.
He has a flair for the dramatic.
Well, you don't do
so badly yourself.
What a pity.
What? That we found the truth?
No.
That such a beautiful
and perceptive woman
must die to keep
my little secret.
So the disappearing
room was for our benefit?
It was meant to
discourage you, Mrs. Hart.
Too bad it didn't.
You'll never pull this off.
[CHUCKLES]
Don't be too sure.
If I'm the only one left
tomorrow to meet the boat,
who can stand in my way?
Now... Claude...
let's be reasonable.
You don't have to kill me.
Do you?
I'm afraid there
is no other way.
Oh, there must be another way.
Look, uh, I won't say
a word. I promise you.
I wouldn't believe you.
Would I lie at a time like this?
Uh, especially
at a time like this.
You do have a point there.
I'm a very good
judge of character.
What about Andrew?
Where did he figure into this?
Your friend looked
so much like me,
Mrs. Hart.
And I needed a
passport very badly.
A passport, of course.
When the boat leaves tomorrow,
Andrew Thomas will
return to the United States.
And Claude Beauvais
will disappear forever.
Jonathan! Help!
JENNIFER: Jonathan!
Jonathan, help!
Come with me quietly, Mrs. Hart.
Oh.
You don't think you can
get away from me that easily,
do you, Mrs. Hart?
[GRUNTS]
I think it's checkout time.
Darling, they killed Andrew.
They're all in it together.
That means that
we're on our own.
Now, we'll just, uh,
calmly walk out the front door.
Uh, let's go this way.
On the other hand, a
brisk walk in the courtyard
might be just the thing.
Or a fast jog.
[FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING]
Jonathan. The wedding reception.
Let's hope they're
receptive to us. Come on.
Oh, thank you.
Over there.
So much for plan A.
I think we'd better
come up with plan B.
Quick.
Hail, hail, the gang's all here.
I know this is
asking a lot, darling,
but, uh, try to look
inconspicuous and, uh,
mingle.
[INAUDIBLE]
Oh, they're closing in on us.
Oh, that's the good news.
The bad news is I've lost track
of the man with the gun.
But I have not lost
track of you, Mr. Hart.
[GUNSHOTS] [PEOPLE SCREAM]
[GRUNTS]
I'll take that, if
you don't mind,
Madame Hart.
[♪♪]
You're planning to kill
us like you killed Andrew?
Monsieur Thomas is... dead?
In the trunk.
You didn't know?
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
Please, accept my apologies.
This was to be
a... a family matter.
We wished to help Claude escape
his problems with the law.
But our plan was only
to steal his passport
and detain Monsieur
Thomas, not kill him.
You do not think the
Beauvais family are...
murderers?
Well, it had crossed our
mind, Monsieur Beauvais.
Tomorrow, when the boat comes,
the Beauvais family
will turn Claude over to...
To the authorities.
And then the Hart
family will take the car,
the boat, the train
and the plane home.
Have you got the passports?
If you've got tickets.
[♪♪]
MAX: Oh, come
on, give me a break.
I got the claim
checks right here.
That luggage has
got to be somewhere.
What do you mean, have
I called Rio de Janeiro?
How could it have gotten there?
You're right. That's
a silly question.
[♪♪]
Oh, isn't it nice to be back?
In our own home? Mm-hm.
On our own sofa? Yes.
And both of them exactly
where we left them.
[CHUCKLES]
Hey, any luck, Max?
I give up.
Now that airline is claiming
you never had any luggage.
Disappearing
luggage. How amazing.
I remember carrying
something around Europe.
[LAUGHS]
Must be jet lag.
Well, sweetheart, shall
we go upstairs to our room?
Oh, I don't know.
We might get up there and
find that it's disappeared.
I don't think I could
cope with that.
Why don't we stay here?
On the sofa?
Uh-huh.
You mean, uh... on
the sofa? Uh-huh.
What about Max?
Well, he's got to
get his own sofa.
Hm.
You know something? What?
I'm really glad some
things never change.
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
my boss, Jonathan Hart,
a self-made millionaire.
He's quite a guy.
This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.
She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.
By the way, my name is Max.
I take care of both of them,
which ain't easy,
'cause when they
met, it was murder.
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
Is that it, Mr. H?
That's it, Max. The
last of the luggage.
Now, you're sure you won't
change your mind and come?
To France?
Thanks, Mr. H, but
I never go anywhere
where I can't say "full
house" in the native language.
[BARKS]
Well, it sounds like
Freeway wants to go, too.
Oh, baby, you can't
go with us this time.
This is strictly business.
Oh, you wonderful hound.
Mwah.
Okay, okay, just don't
stand there, you two.
We only got a half an
hour to get to the airport.
Well, I've got the passports.
Have you got the tickets?
Have you got the
tickets, Max? Yeah.
Here are the plane tickets,
the train tickets
and the boat tickets.
I hope that's everything.
No, you've gotta arrange for
a carriage when you get there.
Oh.
Carriage?
[♪♪]
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]
[FOGHORN BLOWS]
JENNIFER: Well, I
suppose we should
be happy about
one thing, darling.
At least we were able to
find a horseless carriage.
Well, I must admit the
scenery is charming.
But what I can't understand is
why Andrew couldn't talk to you
about this project
in Los Angeles.
Well, he could, but,
uh... Let me ask you:
Was this trip your idea
or his idea? Come on.
You mean whisking you away
to a remote romantic island
off the coast of France?
[GIGGLING]
Well, of course, it was my idea.
It was? Uh-huh.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Bonjour, madame.
Bonjour. Bonjour.
Bonjour, monsieur.
MAN: Bonjour.
Welcome to the Chateau Beauvais.
I'm Jonathan Hart.
My wife, Jennifer.
Enchanté.
We have your room all
ready for you, Monsieur Hart.
May I have your passports?
I have them.
Merci.
I will only be a moment.
If you will just sign the
register, please. Thank you.
Ah. Monsieur.
Thank you, madame.
I see that Andrew's
already signed in.
He's in Room 7.
Oh. Well, we should
let him know we're here.
You know something?
I have even a better idea.
I'll be right back.
I've chosen Room 12 for you.
The top floor,
overlooking the gardens.
Oh. Sounds lovely.
And because it is
the end of the season,
you will have the chateau
almost entirely to yourselves.
Wonderful.
Oh, bonjour.
Bonjour, monsieur.
What can I get for you?
Uh, nothing for me, but do
you have, uh, Dom Perignon?
Oui, oui.
Good. I'd appreciate it
if you'd send a bottle up
to Andrew Thomas'
room. Number 7.
Room 7, monsieur?
Right. And you can put it
on my bill, Jonathan Hart.
We just checked in.
Oui, Monsieur Hart.
Thank you.
Francois.
Oui, Papa?
Ici.
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
Darling,
there doesn't seem
to be an elevator.
No elevator? No.
Well, then let's
just think of this
as our stairway to paradise.
All right.
[♪♪]
Well, what did you
do about Andrew?
I sent him a bottle
of champagne.
Oh, that was very thoughtful.
I've got a better idea. What?
Let's help him drink it.
Oh, well, now, that's
even more thoughtful.
C'est fini, monsieur.
Ah, well,
the room service is
certainly lightning fast.
Certainly is.
Uh, 5...
6 and 7. Seven.
Oh, darling, look at
that beautiful chest.
It's so... French.
I couldn't have
said it better myself.
Ah. Jennifer!
Andrew.
Jonathan, welcome.
Good to see you.
Think of us as two glasses
in search of champagne.
Well, you are in luck.
I just happened to have stumbled
across an excellent bottle.
Oh. What a coincidence.
Come in. Thanks, pal.
[GLASSES CLINKING]
ANDREW: To old friends.
And new ventures. Cheers.
Mm. Please, make
yourself comfortable.
Ah. Thanks very much.
Did you have a good trip?
Oh. Oh, yes, we
had a great trip.
We went by, uh, plane,
train, boat and car.
Is that all?
Well, Jonathan, I admit,
uh, this place is a bit remote,
but that's part of its charm.
And not a corporate
decision to be made
in any direction for miles.
Exactly.
Oh, it's good to
see you, Andrew.
Ah. It's been such a long time.
Not since... well, actually,
not since your wedding.
Has it been that long?
Oh, I remember it vividly.
I didn't know
which side to sit on,
the bride's or the groom's.
My prize-winning writer,
or my good friend
for so many years.
Isn't that odd?
People even take sides
when you're gonna get married.
Which side did you sit on?
Oh... JONATHAN:
Come on, the truth.
Which side...? I won't tell.
I know a tricky question
when I hear one.
You know, I am so
glad you did so well.
You have a lot of talent.
Oh, well, I'm very flattered.
You should be.
That's a compliment,
coming from a publisher
with his reputation.
Oh, come on.
Well, it's true, I've had
several lucky breaks,
a few of which I feel you
had something to do with.
You could've done it without
me. Besides, what are friends for?
Now, um, I hope
you'll let me borrow her.
Because, uh, this place...
I mean, Chateau Beauvais...
Has given me an idea for
the series of travel articles
I want Jennifer to write for me.
Ah, yes.
Little-known tourist treats.
I have ideas for approaches.
You want to talk about it now?
We have plenty of time
tomorrow at breakfast
to discuss business.
Tonight is for fun,
tonight is for friendship. Ah.
I drink to that. I will
drink to that as well.
To friends. To friendship.
[♪♪]
[JENNIFER CHUCKLING]
Oh, darling, isn't
this beautiful?
Oh, yeah.
It is beautiful, but
aren't you concerned?
Concerned about what?
Well... here we are
on Isle St. Pierre,
stranded... [CHUCKLES]
almost alone.
Oh.
No Max.
No Freeway.
No interruptions.
Mm.
Isn't it marvelous?
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Hold that thought.
Are you holding?
I'm holding.
Oh, Francois.
Bonsoir, Monsieur
et Madame Hart.
Pour vous, compliments
du Chateau Beauvais.
Merci.
Bonsoir.
Bonsoir.
Compliments of the house.
Oh.
Looks wonderful. Mm.
Oh. Whew!
Even the whipped
cream must be 200 proof.
I'll bet it's about
500 calories a gulp.
My waistline will thank
me in the morning.
Now, where were we?
Oh, yes.
I was supposed to
be holding the thought.
I'm still holding the thought.
[CHUCKLES]
Good.
Darling?
Oh.
Well,
I guess I'm gonna have to
hold on a little while longer.
[THUNDER RUMBLES, RAIN PATTERS]
[THUNDER CRASHES]
[CLATTERING, FOOTSTEPS]
[CLATTERING,
INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[GRUNTS]
[WHISPERING IN FRENCH]
Bonsoir.
Oh, bonsoir, madame.
Uh, I am sorry if
we disturbed you.
Oh, no, no, no. I... I
wasn't asleep anyway.
Oh.
Well, as I said... bonsoir.
Bonsoir.
[♪♪]
You will be three?
Uh, that was the plan, yes.
Excuse me, but, uh,
what's all the activity?
Oh, uh, a wedding
reception, madame.
Uh, a couple from the
village, this afternoon.
Aw. You are very
welcome to join in.
Well, that's
wonderful. Thank you.
Thank you.
I wonder what's keeping Andrew.
Mm. Oh, I'm sure he'll be
down in a minute, darling.
Relax. Enjoy the morning.
Especially after
that storm last night.
Storm?
Oh, you missed it.
Along with a couple
of other things.
By the way, I'm still
holding the thought.
What thought?
I'll explain it to you later.
Um, maybe I'll call Andrew.
He might still be
asleep in his room.
Ah, good morning. Good morning.
Uh, perhaps you could help me.
With pleasure, of course.
By the way, how did
you sleep, Monsieur Hart?
Excessively well. Thank you.
Uh, my wife and I
were supposed to have
breakfast with
Mr. Thomas this morning.
I wonder if you
could ring his room?
I am sorry, monsieur. Who?
Andrew Thomas. Room 7.
There must be some mistake.
JONATHAN: Monsieur Thomas.
He's in Room 7.
But we have no Thomas
registered, Monsieur Hart,
and there is no Room
7 in this chateau.
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
Uh. Excuse me, did
I hear you correctly?
Yes, madame, I just
said to Monsieur Hart
there is no Thomas
registered here,
and we don't have any
Room 7 in the chateau.
But we shared a bottle of
champagne last night in Room 7.
But that is not
possible, madame.
Perhaps a tiring
day of travel...
Perhaps if we
looked at the register.
He signed in before we
did. Oh, that is not possible.
I am sorry. That would be
against hotel regulations.
Uh, the easiest
way to clear this up
is for us to talk to
Andrew in person.
Why don't we go up
to the room ourselves?
Perfect. As you
like, Monsieur Hart.
Now, let's see.
Room 5.
Room 6.
And, uh...
well, we seem to have
misplaced Room 7.
Maybe somebody rearranged
this wing when we weren't looking.
Well, it certainly
isn't where we left it.
And there was a
trunk there last night.
I swear to it.
Well, if the trunk was there,
then Andrew's room
must have been here.
Darling, how much
champagne did we drink?
Bonjour, monsieur,
madame. Oh, madame.
Oui? Uh, where is Room 7?
Oh, no, there is no
Room 7, madame.
You see, I know, I've been
cleaning these rooms for years.
You don't send them out, do you?
Pardon, monsieur?
Nothing.
You see, madame,
the number seven
brings very bad luck.
Oh.
Excusez-moi.
Maybe she's right. The
number seven doesn't seem
to have done Andrew much good.
I can understand
Andrew wandering off,
but his room?
Maybe something
wandered in front of it.
Well, I've heard
of stealing towels,
but a whole room?
Darling, do you think
we're going crazy?
Either that or somebody's
thought of everything.
I think I like your
explanation better than mine.
Why don't we, uh, have a
couple of drinks with the bartender
and discuss it?
He's the one I ordered the
bottle of champagne from.
He's also the one who probably
mixed those French whammies.
And he's also one of the men
who was carrying
that trunk last night.
I'm beginning to wonder
what was in there.
Ah, voilà.
Here you are, madame.
Monsieur. Thank you.
Enjoy your drinks.
Excuse me. Oui, monsieur.
You remember me from last night?
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
Monsieur et Madame Hart.
Ah-ha.
You ordered the champagne, no?
Yes, and you sent it to Room 7.
Room 7? Oh, no.
Room 17, as you requested.
The chateau, uh, has no Room 7.
Very bad luck.
Uh, will there be anything else?
Darling? Mm.
Apparently not.
Très bien.
Nice try.
Something funny is
going on around here.
Maybe we could get a
straight answer from that kid.
Francois.
Oui, monsieur?
When you delivered that
bottle of champagne last night...
Oui, monsieur. Was
Monsieur Thomas
in his room?
Oh, oui, monsieur.
But his name is Tobias.
Monsieur Tobias,
he tipped very well.
And, um, Monsieur
Tobias was in Room 17?
Oui, madame.
Is there something else
I can take up for you?
No, nothing else, thank you.
You've done enough for today.
Oui, monsieur.
Well, they've certainly
managed to cover all the bases,
haven't they? Whoever they are.
It certainly looks that
way. They must be playing
for pretty high stakes if
they're involving the kid.
But why?
What could Andrew possibly
mean to these people,
let alone his room?
That's what we've
gotta find out.
How are we gonna do that?
Our charming,
befuddled tourist approach
hasn't gotten us
anything but blank looks.
Maybe we'd be more successful
if we used the direct approach.
[♪♪]
[WHISPERING IN FRENCH]
May I be of service,
Monsieur Hart?
You could've been
earlier this morning,
but now I think it's time
we called the police.
The police? You're not still
looking for Monsieur Thomas?
JENNIFER [CHUCKLING]:
I'm afraid we are.
You see, someone seems
to have misplaced him,
along with his room.
But, madame, I've
already explained that...
Your entire staff has explained.
Now we think it's time you
explained to the authorities.
I would be glad to oblige,
but the nearest police
station is in Cherbourg,
where you took the boat.
Then call them.
And let them take the boat.
I'm afraid that will not
be possible, monsieur.
Unfortunately,
last night's storm
damaged the lines.
We have had no telephone
service all morning.
There must be some
way to get through.
Only the shuttle boat, madame.
And that won't be back
until tomorrow morning, hm?
You know, the
charm of this place
is quickly beginning
to disappear.
What we're saying is that we
don't like what's going on here.
But, please, monsieur, there
is no reason to become upset.
No reason?
A man... a friend disappears
from your hotel without a trace?
And neither you
nor any of your staff
will even admit he
even existed at all.
Ha!
This is supposed to be
such an isolated place.
He must be here somewhere.
Somewhere.
Jonathan.
[♪♪]
The disappearing trunk.
Maybe Room 7 is inside.
[RINGS]
Ah, ha!
The service must have
just been restored, monsieur.
BARTENDER: Hello?
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
I will call the police as
soon as I finish this call.
I think we've had it here.
Why don't we go
out for some air?
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
Darling, why would anyone
want Andrew to disappear?
He was honest,
respected, successful.
Would you think he would
want to make himself disappear?
Oh, I don't think he
was that successful.
Well, it's gotta be
some kind of a setup.
Everybody's singing
the same song but us.
Do you think it was some
sort of a plot against him?
I don't think that's
very likely, darling.
MAN: Excusez-moi, mes amis.
You're not gonna tell
us about Monsieur Tobias
in Room 17, are you?
No, monsieur, but
I must caution you
about moving too
far from the chateau.
These gardens are extensive
and you could
become lost very easily.
Just like Andrew.
And his room.
We'll be very
careful, thank you.
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
[♪♪]
Jonathan, look!
Yeah, it looks like Andrew.
It is Andrew.
Andrew!
JENNIFER: Andrew!
Oh, what a relief.
Well, where did he go?
It looks like Andrew's
playing hard to get.
What's happening?
Who's shooting at us?
It looks like it's Andrew.
It's all right,
darling. He's gone.
He tried to kill us.
[♪♪]
Did you enjoy your
walk, Monsieur Hart?
Yes, there's nothing
like a walk in the garden
to keep the circulation going.
Or to put us out of circulation.
Bonjour.
Bonjour, madame.
Bonjour, monsieur.
Maybe we should just
lock ourselves in our room,
and wait for the boat.
Here we go again.
All right, sir.
Don't tell us you're here
to rearrange the furniture.
Monsieur Hart, madame.
I am Inspector Novier.
Reinforcements.
Oh.
It is an amazing story you tell.
And it's absolutely
true, inspector.
You're the only one
that's taken us seriously.
And the hotel staff will
take me seriously, monsieur.
I'll show you.
Inspector.
We're looking for the manager.
Uh, I think you will find him at
his desk in the lobby, monsieur.
We just came from there.
Is anything the matter?
We would prefer to take
it up with the manager.
BARTENDER: Well,
perhaps he's upstairs.
I will go and try
and find him for you.
We will try together.
Will you wait here, please?
Gladly.
If he suggests to look
in the gardens, inspector,
pass.
Well, what would you say
to a glass of white
wine while we're waiting?
Mm. I'd say "Hello,
glass of wine."
That's cute, you know that?
Do you like that?
Yeah, very cute.
I knew you would.
Uh, put this on my tab.
Very generous as well. [LAUGHS]
Oh, yes.
Darling. What?
What is happening to us?
I don't know.
I honestly don't know.
To you.
And you.
They are waiting for
us in here, monsieur.
But I don't understand what
can possibly be the problem.
Your guests seem to be having
some trouble here, monsieur.
To put it mildly. Oh, yes.
Something about a...
A Monsieur Tobias.
Thomas. And Room number 7.
But we have no Room 7.
We shall see.
I'm afraid we'll have to
examine your records.
Ah, with pleasure.
Of course, of course.
After you.
In these registers here
it seems like no one's
ever even checked into a Room 7.
It's a complete and
thorough cover-up.
There is perhaps another
explanation, monsieur.
JONATHAN: Yeah, what's that?
NOVIER: Well, everything seems
to be in order here.
After a tiring journey
to a foreign land,
you might have imagined things.
JONATHAN: What are
you suggesting, inspector?
That my wife and I
made this story up?
Uh, darling,
I think the inspector
may have a point there.
After all, it... it
was a long trip,
and we did have a bit to drink.
Huh? We're probably just wasting
this nice policeman's
valuable time.
I'm afraid your wife
is right, monsieur.
Without some concrete evidence,
there seems to be
nothing more I can do.
Well, I think you've done
quite enough already, inspector.
After all, you made this
long trip out to the hotel.
I think what we really
owe you is a vote of thanks.
Don't we, darling? Yes. Um,
thank you very much, inspector.
So probably the best thing
we can do is to just go outside
and get some more
fresh air, don't you?
Thanks again. Goodbye.
Bye. Thank you.
JENNIFER: Voilà.
La famille Beauvais.
That's an interesting
family portrait.
Isn't it?
JONATHAN: The manager.
JENNIFER: Mm-hm.
JONATHAN: The bartender.
The maid.
Francois.
Our friendly policeman.
So much for help
from the mainland.
JONATHAN: But who
does he remind you of?
He does look
familiar, doesn't he?
Sort of like Andrew?
[HEDGE CLIPPERS SNIPPING]
Let's talk to that caretaker,
see if he knows anything. Mm.
Bonjour.
Oh, bonjour,
mademoiselle, monsieur.
My compliments on your work.
Merci beaucoup. The
garden is beautiful.
Merci.
Have you been working here long?
Oui. Oui. For many years.
Ah. Ah.
Do you recognize
this, uh, picture?
Ah, of course. This is
the old Beauvais family.
Oh. Ah.
Do you recognize,
uh, that man there?
Ah, him.
Claude. Claude Beauvais.
Does he also work
here at the chateau?
Oh, no, no, no. Not anymore.
He is... how do you say?
The black sheep. A bad
man. Very much criminal.
He is wanted by more
countries than I can count.
Uh, where is he now?
They say he's
somewhere in Italy.
Who knows?
E-excusez-moi.
I must get back to my work.
Pardon.
[♪♪]
Another mystery of
the Chateau Beauvais.
[ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
This looks like our chance
to find the missing room.
They may have hidden the door,
but there's got to be a window.
Are you sure this
is the way to find it?
Don't spoil my fun.
This worked when I was a kid.
Well, let's hope it wasn't
just beginner's luck.
Room 7.
Not only bad luck,
but a bad view.
What a mess.
Maybe the maid didn't
know about this room.
[THUMP, FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[GASPS]
[GASPS]
[♪♪]
You are not seeing
a ghost, Mrs. Hart.
I am not Andrew Thomas.
Well, who...?
Don't ask any questions.
There's so little
time for answers.
Claude Beauvais.
Very good, Mrs. Hart.
I am surprised
you recognized me.
I saw your family portrait
hidden in the office.
Oh, that's how
you know about me.
What about that phony policeman?
Who is he?
My brother.
He has a flair for the dramatic.
Well, you don't do
so badly yourself.
What a pity.
What? That we found the truth?
No.
That such a beautiful
and perceptive woman
must die to keep
my little secret.
So the disappearing
room was for our benefit?
It was meant to
discourage you, Mrs. Hart.
Too bad it didn't.
You'll never pull this off.
[CHUCKLES]
Don't be too sure.
If I'm the only one left
tomorrow to meet the boat,
who can stand in my way?
Now... Claude...
let's be reasonable.
You don't have to kill me.
Do you?
I'm afraid there
is no other way.
Oh, there must be another way.
Look, uh, I won't say
a word. I promise you.
I wouldn't believe you.
Would I lie at a time like this?
Uh, especially
at a time like this.
You do have a point there.
I'm a very good
judge of character.
What about Andrew?
Where did he figure into this?
Your friend looked
so much like me,
Mrs. Hart.
And I needed a
passport very badly.
A passport, of course.
When the boat leaves tomorrow,
Andrew Thomas will
return to the United States.
And Claude Beauvais
will disappear forever.
Jonathan! Help!
JENNIFER: Jonathan!
Jonathan, help!
Come with me quietly, Mrs. Hart.
Oh.
You don't think you can
get away from me that easily,
do you, Mrs. Hart?
[GRUNTS]
I think it's checkout time.
Darling, they killed Andrew.
They're all in it together.
That means that
we're on our own.
Now, we'll just, uh,
calmly walk out the front door.
Uh, let's go this way.
On the other hand, a
brisk walk in the courtyard
might be just the thing.
Or a fast jog.
[FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING]
Jonathan. The wedding reception.
Let's hope they're
receptive to us. Come on.
Oh, thank you.
Over there.
So much for plan A.
I think we'd better
come up with plan B.
Quick.
Hail, hail, the gang's all here.
I know this is
asking a lot, darling,
but, uh, try to look
inconspicuous and, uh,
mingle.
[INAUDIBLE]
Oh, they're closing in on us.
Oh, that's the good news.
The bad news is I've lost track
of the man with the gun.
But I have not lost
track of you, Mr. Hart.
[GUNSHOTS] [PEOPLE SCREAM]
[GRUNTS]
I'll take that, if
you don't mind,
Madame Hart.
[♪♪]
You're planning to kill
us like you killed Andrew?
Monsieur Thomas is... dead?
In the trunk.
You didn't know?
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
Please, accept my apologies.
This was to be
a... a family matter.
We wished to help Claude escape
his problems with the law.
But our plan was only
to steal his passport
and detain Monsieur
Thomas, not kill him.
You do not think the
Beauvais family are...
murderers?
Well, it had crossed our
mind, Monsieur Beauvais.
Tomorrow, when the boat comes,
the Beauvais family
will turn Claude over to...
To the authorities.
And then the Hart
family will take the car,
the boat, the train
and the plane home.
Have you got the passports?
If you've got tickets.
[♪♪]
MAX: Oh, come
on, give me a break.
I got the claim
checks right here.
That luggage has
got to be somewhere.
What do you mean, have
I called Rio de Janeiro?
How could it have gotten there?
You're right. That's
a silly question.
[♪♪]
Oh, isn't it nice to be back?
In our own home? Mm-hm.
On our own sofa? Yes.
And both of them exactly
where we left them.
[CHUCKLES]
Hey, any luck, Max?
I give up.
Now that airline is claiming
you never had any luggage.
Disappearing
luggage. How amazing.
I remember carrying
something around Europe.
[LAUGHS]
Must be jet lag.
Well, sweetheart, shall
we go upstairs to our room?
Oh, I don't know.
We might get up there and
find that it's disappeared.
I don't think I could
cope with that.
Why don't we stay here?
On the sofa?
Uh-huh.
You mean, uh... on
the sofa? Uh-huh.
What about Max?
Well, he's got to
get his own sofa.
Hm.
You know something? What?
I'm really glad some
things never change.
[♪♪]
[♪♪]