Hart to Hart (1979–1984): Season 2, Episode 19 - Murder Takes a Bow - full transcript
When a playwright friend of the Harts' is killed and the Harts' copy of his last work is snatched, Jonathan is convinced something in the play motivated the murderer.
[♪♪♪]
NARRATOR: This is
my boss, Jonathan Hart,
a self-made millionaire.
He's quite a guy.
This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.
She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.
By the way, my name is Max.
I take care of both of them,
which ain't easy,
'cause when they met,
it was murder.
[♪♪♪]
[WHIMPERS]
[UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS]
MYRON: I warned you, didn't I?
JENNIFER: Please...
Please, don't be angry.
Don't plead with me. It
won't do you any good.
MYRON: I can't
let you go on living.
JENNIFER: Derek, listen to me.
You don't know
what you're saying.
You've been under
a terrible strain.
[CACKLES]
But I do know.
I know that I'm
going to kill you.
But you couldn't! You wouldn't!
Don't think you
can scream for help.
It's your chauffeur's
night off, and we're alone.
Derek, please, listen to me.
I beg of you, listen to reason.
[CACKLES]
This is the only reason I know.
Take that. Bang! Bang! Bang!
TONY: Curtain!
Give me house lights.
A loaded banana, Myron?
[CHUCKLING] Well, there was
nothing else on the prop table.
Oh. Right. I want you to
work on your motivation
for this scene, Myron.
I don't know from motivations.
I only know from root canals.
Forget you're a dentist.
You're now an artiste...
in the Bel Air
Community Theatre.
You understand?
You got it, Tony.
Jennifer, that was very good.
Except, when you fall, darling,
make sure your head
is turned upstage.
This way, you can sneak
a breath if you need to.
Oh, that's a good idea.
Uh, incidentally,
your English accent
is coming along very nicely.
Oh, I-I promise you
I'll work on that, Tony.
Okay, we'll take
a 10-minute break,
and then we'll come
back top of act two.
Okay?
How are you doing, darling?
Pretty good. I've committed
14 lines to memory.
Terrific.
Yeah, but it's taken
me three weeks.
Listen, the next time the
community players ask us
to do something,
why don't we just mail
'em a check, all right?
Oh, now, Mr. Hart, you're
making an even bigger contribution
being in our play.
You're very good, you know.
Thanks, Millie.
FRANK: Nobody else
was gonna read this play!
Look, Frank, I am really s...
Oh, that Estelle.
She wouldn't
even be in this play
if her husband
weren't the director.
But what she lacks in talent,
she makes up for with
a hefty pocketbook.
How about a cup of coffee?
Love it. Thanks.
Jonathan, Jennifer,
I wanna talk to you.
Hey, Frank. How do you
like the rehearsals so far?
Well, I think the,
uh, performances are
far better than the writing.
Flappers Folly is my first
experiment in high camp.
Well, I wouldn't worry about it,
the audience is gonna love it.
Well, I hope so.
Anyway, come here.
I've just finished a new one.
And I think it is the best
play I have ever written.
In fact, "It is great," the
author said modestly.
[BOTH LAUGH] I'm sure it is.
Wait. Since you
read Flappers first,
um, I thought
maybe, just for luck,
you'd read this one too?
We'd be delighted.
Sure.
Look out!
WOMAN: Oh, my God!
[MAN COUGHS] What happened?
A sandbag.
Well, that wasn't in the plot.
But thanks to you, I think
we'll all be here opening night.
Boy, I'm glad nobody got hurt.
Oh, this is terrible.
Just terrible!
Millie, everybody is okay.
Yes, I know,
but we borrowed this
table from the Johnsons,
and now, look at it.
TONY: All right, let's
clear this mess up,
so we can get back to work.
We're going from the
top of act two, okay?
All right, somebody get a broom.
I'll get a broom, Millie.
I don't know how we're
gonna work with this thing.
All right, somebody...
Larry, help me with this thing.
♪ Here we all live
On the Mississippi ♪
Okay.
Here it is.
Oh, great.
"Tricksters." Ahh.
Well, I'm dying to read it.
Well, I'm dying to
get your reaction.
Look, uh, I really
wanna thank both of you
for all the encouragement
you've been giving me.
Oh, you deserve it.
You're really good.
Well, thanks. You
will read it soon?
I tell you what,
I'll read it tonight,
and if you give me
a call in the morning,
I'll give you the review.
Terrific. Listen, Jonathan,
if you have time, I'd
like for you to read it too.
Sure. And, uh, just to show
you how confident I am,
how about lunch tomorrow?
Oh, that sounds good.
Perfect.
Good. My place, 1:00.
I think I have finally
mastered Crêpe à la Reine.
We can even come up with
a couple of bottles of Chablis.
Right? Right.
Perfect. Listen, I'm gonna watch
the rest of rehearsal out front.
I'll see you later.
TONY: Quiet, backstage! Curtain.
JENNIFER:
Jonathan, listen to this:
"Suddenly, the
monster's hairy hand
"crashes through the window
and seizes her by the throat.
She screams."
[BARKS]
Well... you're not
a monster, are you?
You're just my little baby.
Go on.
You called for a monster?
[LAUGHING] No,
it's Frank's play.
Speaking of which, our Crêpes
à la Reine are getting cold.
Aw.
Well, I... I just have to
finish a few more pages of it.
How do you like it?
Oh, it's wonderful.
That will make Frank
very happy. Come on.
Oh, no. I-I just wanna
see how it ends.
Darling, we can finish
it in the car. Let's go.
Oh. Okay.
[♪♪♪]
FRANK: Jonathan,
Jennifer, you're early.
Oh, uh, Tony... Hi.
Estelle.
Uh, this is a surprise.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, come on in. Ahem.
Thanks.
[SIGHS]
Well...
this is where great
drama is written, huh?
This is the place.
It's charming.
Thank you.
Well...
any special reason for
your, uh, dropping by?
Oh, I just wanted to tell
you how much I'd enjoyed
reading your new play.
Oh, I see.
Well, I didn't realize
it was the featured selection
of the lending library.
Oh, well, I saw
Estelle reading it,
and I couldn't keep
my hands off of it.
It's a terrific play, Frank.
I mean, it's gonna be a big hit.
I'd, uh... I'd really
like to direct it.
[SIGHS]
Look, Tony, I don't
want to seem rude...
but the reason no one has
seen the play is because
I wanna send it out
to some Broadway
producers first.
Now, it's nothing against you,
it's just that...
I don't wanna get tied
up with a director as yet.
Especially a smalltime director.
No matter how...
Look, I didn't mean it that way.
Frank, easy.
No hard feelings.
Frank, could I have
a glass of water?
Oh, well, I'm very sorry.
I should fix something.
Wine? Soda?
Oh, I'll have what
you're having.
[MOUTHS INDISTINCTLY]
Water will be just fine for me.
Tony...
you have the manners of a pig.
[♪♪♪]
[SIGHS]
Look, uh, Tony, I
didn't mean to get hot,
but, uh, the play is my baby.
Oh, I understand, Frank.
But I, uh...
I did take the liberty
of showing your script
to a... A close friend of mine,
who happens to be a
big Broadway producer.
You shouldn't have done that.
Not without my permission.
I wanna do your
play very badly, Frank.
It would be a real
career move for me.
I have a career to consider too.
My producer friend is willing
to offer you a sizable option
as against a sizable sale.
Well, that's very encouraging.
Frank, what's wrong?
I don't feel very well.
TONY: One small point, Frank.
I took the liberty of putting
my name on your script.
A producer could
hardly deny me the right
to direct my own play, could he?
Tony, you didn't.
ESTELLE: Frank.
What is it? What's wrong?
What's the matter,
don't you recognize
a dead playwright
when you see one?
What did you do?
I spiked his Harvey Wallbanger.
You killed him? I'm
calling the police.
Just a minute, sweetheart.
Unless you'd like me to
make it a double funeral...
I know you've been
having an affair with Frank.
I've had you followed
for the last two months.
What are you doing?
I'm doing a little
creative housekeeping.
I wouldn't want
anybody to doubt the fact
that I was the
author of the play.
Tony... you murdered
him for a play?
My dear girl, as
Mr. Shakespeare said,
"The play's the thing."
[♪♪♪]
JONATHAN: That play is longer
than Long Day's Journey Into Night.
Finished?
It's the most extraordinary
play I've ever read.
Oh. I can't wait to read it.
There's this wonderful
bedroom scene...
Stop. Please. Don't tell
me. I wanna be surprised.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Frank.
Hey, Frank, you better wake up,
you're not gonna
get out of this lunch.
Frank?
Frank!
What is it?
He's dead.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER
ON POLICE RADIO]
You were meeting
him for lunch, huh?
That's right.
What do you think, lieutenant?
Well, he had 100
bucks in his pocket,
so that, uh, rules out robbery.
Looks like he collapsed
while he was working.
I would guess heart
attack or stroke.
He was a very
young man, lieutenant.
Yeah, well, you
know these arty types.
Wine, women and whoopee.
And anything they
could sniff, smoke,
or swallow.
Did you ever read
about the snowcapped
hills of Hollywood?
I'm sorry, but that doesn't
sound like Frank Jordan to me.
Well, you can't tell
a writer by his cover.
JONATHAN: It's so wonderful to
have you home again, Lady Cynthia.
Oh, Rodney, you're
such a good friend.
MYRON: Admittedly, it
was inexcusable what I did,
but it was love, Cynthia.
Animal love!
Derek, please, I've only
just returned from hospital.
But you don't understand. I...
I... I forgot my cue.
LARRY: Tony?
Tony, do we have to go on?
I mean, I feel rotten.
Poor Frank.
Yes. Yes, it was terrible.
He was such a talented man.
Okay, folks,
let's call it a night.
Oh, one other thing, people.
Estelle has your
costume vouchers.
Uh, do try and get into
Celebrity Costume & Props
for your fittings.
It's very important.
I just can't get
over Frank's death.
Yes.
It certainly was a
shock. Come on.
WOMAN: Good night, everyone.
ESTELLE: Oh.
Here's your voucher.
Oh. Cheer up, darling.
Thanks, baby.
Get your costumes.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
Poor Frank.
He was such a talented man.
When you compare
his new play to the play
we're doing right now,
it's absolutely amazing.
He could have been
a major playwright.
Frank's new play?
Yes. It's called Tricksters.
It's a wonderful mystery.
He asked us both to read it.
In fact, I... I still
have it out in the car.
Oh. Here's your voucher.
I'll have to go after work.
Yup. Just make sure
they have enough time
to do any alterations.
Here's one for you.
Yeah, thanks very
much. Well, shall we?
Yes.
Oh, before you both run off,
I wanna ask you some questions
about our scene
in the third act.
Got a minute?
[SIGHS]
Sure, Myron.
[♪♪♪]
Look!
Hey, what are you doing there?
Jonathan!
Are you all right?
Yeah.
Well, it looks like all
he took was a camera.
And the script.
What would he
want with a script?
Ooh, did I take
a hit on the head.
You want me to drive?
[EXHALES] Yeah,
maybe you better.
Now I've got the scripts,
the notes, everything.
I still can't believe you
killed Frank for this play.
Oh. You'll soon get over
your grief, my darling,
when I'm a big
Broadway director.
No more of this tacky
community theater crap for us.
Well, Tony, there's
something you've forgotten.
Jennifer Hart has read the play.
She knows you didn't write it.
Hm. Well, that's simple.
We'll write Jennifer
Hart out of the show.
Oh, no. You wouldn't.
Ah, yes, I would.
I rather like directing
death scenes.
[CHUCKLES]
[♪♪♪]
[SIGHS]
Go on, Freeway.
[FRENCH ACCENT] Well.
How is the bump on your head?
[NORMAL VOICE] Oh, your
mountain is becoming a molehill.
You know, I still don't get it.
What?
That thing about the script.
You mean, about why he took it?
Hmm.
Well, maybe he...
He's an intellectual.
Or didn't have a library card.
Or maybe...
he just didn't
want us to have it...
and he took the camera
to make it look like
an ordinary robbery.
I'm glad you're
thinking for both of us.
My, uh, head hurts.
Oh, well, then, we don't
want to tax that bump, do we?
Will you take it easy? You're
gonna melt my ice cubes.
[LAUGHS]
That's exactly
what I had in mind.
JONATHAN: I wonder what
surprise awaits us at Frank's place.
Look, honey, the cops told
me not to let anybody in here
until after the investigation.
Oh, well, there must
be some mistake.
Mr. Redmond, the
owner of this building,
asked for us to start
as soon as possible.
This is my assistant,
Mr. Jonathan,
and our contractor, Mr. Max.
[CHUCKLING] Pleased to meet you.
Jonathan, the color
of this building must go.
I certainly hope so.
MRS. PERKINS:
Now, wait a minute.
Excuse me, honey, but, uh...
Mr. Redmond did not say
nothing to me about redecorating.
Well, he must have.
Oh, Max, as long as we're here,
why don't you
measure Mrs. uh...?
Uh, Perkins. Mrs. Perkins.
Yes, measure Mrs.
Perkins' apartment.
Sure thing.
Oh, my apartment?
Well, I didn't know you were
gonna do my apartment too.
But of course.
You are in the
building, aren't you?
[LAUGHS]
Come on, Mrs. Perkins.
Got my... trusty ruler
right in my pocket.
[GIGGLES]
Yeah, well, I guess
I could let you in.
I'll just, uh, follow him.
So, what do you think?
Well, I think mauve
would be a terrific color.
And I think we ought to redo
the moldings too, don't you?
Oh, yes. [LAUGHS]
[SIGHS] We better
find that script
before she discovers
we're not color coordinated.
I think Mrs. Perkins is gonna
get a complete overhaul.
Here's a file on
Tricksters right here.
JENNIFER: Good.
It's empty.
Really?
There's nothing here.
Look.
Nothing.
Looks like somebody
got here before we did.
There must be
something pretty important
in those scripts.
What about Farley?
JONATHAN: Farley?
JENNIFER: Frank's favorite fern.
Frank's favorite
fern looks fairly faint.
You can say that again.
No, you try to say that again.
Come on, Farley. Think
we could all use a drink.
We'd better get out of here.
JONATHAN: How'd it go, Max?
She didn't call the owner.
How'd you manage it?
I diverted her.
[TIRES SCREECH]
How're you doing, darling?
[UPBEAT JAZZ PLAYING]
Mine's almost a perfect fit.
Oh, you kid.
Let's boogie. ♪ Da-da, da ♪
Uh, no, darling. I
think it's Charleston.
Oh, Charleston. ♪ Da-da, da-da ♪
BOTH: ♪ Da-da, da-da, da-da ♪
♪ Da-da, da-da ♪
♪ Da-da-da, da-da ♪
♪ Da, da-da ♪
♪ Do, de, da-da Da-da... ♪
What's the matter,
run out of dance steps?
♪ Da-da-da... ♪
[CONTINUES VOCALIZING]
Darling.
I think we ought to 23 skidoo.
Take it easy, cheetah.
Maybe he's attracted to my coat.
[GRUNTS]
Dah! Are you all right?
[EXHALES]
Yeah. Are you?
Yeah.
Look what they
did to my ukulele.
Oh.
[UKULELE TWANGS]
JONATHAN: Yeah. Thanks
very much, lieutenant.
Okay. Goodbye.
The autopsy on Frank indicates
that he died of heart failure.
Without any
evidence of foul play,
they can't continue
the investigation.
Thanks, Max.
Well, what about
this script snatcher
in the ski mask, and...
King Kong's younger brother?
It's all got to do
with Frank's play.
Coffee, Mr. H?
Yeah, thanks, Max.
Too bad we haven't got a copy.
Must be something
in that script.
Do you remember the plot?
Well, sure.
It's about a woman
whose husband is
slowly driving her crazy.
Sounds like a real Gaslight.
How does he do it?
Well...
They live in a very
isolated house,
and he begins to stir up an
old legend of a monster man,
which eventually drives
her to commit suicide.
Then he inherits all her money
and marries his girlfriend.
Then she begins to
blackmail him about his past,
in order to get
whatever she wants.
And then, eventually,
they begin to plot
against each other
in order to kill each other,
eh, which they eventually do.
Wait a minute. I just seen
that on The Late Show.
Well, I know it sounds
cliché, but it's very well written.
There are lots of
twists and turns.
And the characters
are almost real.
Maybe Frank got his
inspiration from real people.
Yeah, like somebody in
the community players.
He worked with those
people all the time.
That's exactly
what I was thinking.
You know what we could do?
We could ask Millie Payson.
She knows all the dirt.
Speaking of dirt, Farley here
needs repotting or something.
He's dying in front
of our very eyes.
I don't understand that.
I water him all the time.
Maybe he needs some TLC.
No. I talked to him
yesterday very thoughtfully.
But whatever I said must
have shook him up real bad.
I think Farley
needs intensive care.
I'm gonna take
him to McGregor's.
They're used to tough cases.
Max is talking to the plants?
Once in a while.
[♪♪♪]
MYRON: Inspector,
I simply can't agree.
What happened was an accident.
Well, so it might appear.
But there is no explaining
the absence of the butler,
nor the silk handkerchief
in Lady Finchley's bath.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Enter!
Hello, Derek. Has
Lady Anne arisen?
And who might this be?
Excuse me, inspector.
This is our dear
friend, Rodney Frozier.
Oh. The "madcap playboy,"
as her ladyship expressed it.
One and the same.
And where were you, sir,
on the night of August the 4th?
Hm?
Really was a shame
about poor Frank, wasn't it?
Really was. I mean,
it was a shame.
Did you know him well?
Who? Oh, yeah... No, no.
A drink once or twice.
Like that, you know?
Oh. He was such a
nice guy, wasn't he?
Really nice. I mean,
really a nice guy. Mm.
His, uh, new play
is really sensational.
Is it? Is it?
Yes.
This one seems to
be pretty good too.
Of course, I mean, I'm no judge.
I'm, um... I'm in
insurance, you know.
No. Mm-hm.
I didn't know.
Mm.
Hm.
Did you, uh... by any chance,
get a chance to
read his new play?
Mm, no, uh...
I, uh, barely got
through this one.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Yes, well, it was such
a shock, wasn't it?
Mm. Terrible shock.
I mean, I just can't imagine
Frank having any
enemies, can you?
No, I just... I mean, Frank
with enemies, it's, uh...
You know, if you'd like
to talk more about Frank,
I mean, in depth... Yes?
Why don't we...? Why
don't we get together
and discuss it sometime
over a drink, perhaps?
Oh.
Listen... just how
much insurance
do you and Jonathan have?
I mean, usually the husband
has so much more than the wife,
and I find that an
inequity. Uh-huh.
I mean, it's something
ERA should get into.
[MAN LAUGHING] Yes.
I mean, isn't marriage a
balance, a parity as it were?
Ah. I... I think I hear my cue.
Oh. [CLICKS TONGUE]
Sure. Could you do me a favor?
I'd be happy to.
Can you reach my coat?
Oh, absolutely.
Ah. Thank you.
You're welcome.
We'll talk later.
I look forward to it.
JONATHAN: Anyone for tennis?
No. Well, anyone for
a cucumber sandwich?
A spot of tea? Pimms Cup?
No? Pity.
Well, if I can't
interest you at tennis,
then that's that.
Ta-ta for now.
Did you find out anything?
Yes. I'm underinsured.
TONY: Jennifer! Your cue!
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
Well, out of the
hospital, at last!
Perhaps you could shed
some light on these dealings.
I most certainly can.
It all began at the
Hotsy Totsy Club.
Rodney Frozier's mother,
the lady duchess...
You're giving a wonderful
performance, Jonathan.
Thanks, Millie. But I
hardly know the words.
Oh, you'll get them.
I've been with this
group for 20 years,
and rehearsals
are always difficult.
But don't worry.
You must know all
these people very well.
Oh, I certainly do.
And some of them,
I wish I didn't know.
How well did you know Frank?
Oh, if these...
If I could tell
all these stories.
If these walls could talk.
My, my. But I'm
sure they have ears.
[CHUCKLES]
Well... I'd like to hear
more about all of this.
Oh? Mm-hm.
Would you like to
come by our house
and have have a cup of coffee,
say, uh, tonight?
Oh, I'd like that very much.
Oh. Shh!
I'll see you then.
Thank you.
Excellent. That's excellent.
Now, we'll just try the
shooting scene again.
And we'll take it from where
you draw the gun, Myron, okay?
Okay.
[CLEARS THROAT]
JENNIFER: Uh...
let's see... All right.
Please, Derek, I beg of you,
listen to reason!
[LAUGHING]
This is the only reason I know.
Take that! Bang!
Bang!
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
A pear, Myron?
You shot her with a pear?
[SIGHS] I ate the
banana for lunch.
Wonderful.
Millie.
Where's the gun?
Millie, I want the gun.
Millie, give me the gun!
Thank you, dear.
Now, Myron, this is a gun.
It looks very real. [CHUCKLES]
But it's loaded with
blanks. See? [GUNSHOT]
You two better get
used to this noise,
because if you jump,
the audience won't, right?
Now, Myron,
point it straight at the heart
and give it some life, right?
Okay. Once again.
[JENNIFER COUGHS]
Please, Derek, I beg of you,
listen to reason!
[LAUGHS]
This is the only raisin I know.
Raisin?
Myron, did you say "raisin"?
Raisin. I said raisin.
Okay. Let's take it
again from the top.
[♪♪♪]
Here, let me help you.
Oh, thanks, Max. I got it, Max.
Farley.
Oh, no.
Not even Mr. McGregor's
green thumb could save you.
That isn't it, Mrs. H.
This plant was murdered.
Murdered?
McGregor analyzed the
soil to see what was going on.
They found alcohol
in it and weed killer.
Alcohol?
It wasn't the alcohol that
did it, it was the weed killer.
Pretty strong stuff. Klandren.
This stuff is so deadly,
that they don't like
to sell it anymore.
Why would anyone
do that to a houseplant?
Max...
did they say the poison was
in the soil or in the alcohol?
They didn't say. You
want me to get rid of it?
No, I think the police
ought to have a peek at this.
I'll give Lieutenant
Grey a call.
If they've tested
everything else,
they can test that.
What'd you say it was?
Klandren.
Lieutenant Grey, please.
[♪♪♪]
Anyone want any more coffee?
Oh, no, thank you, Max.
But, uh...
perhaps just a
touch more brandy.
Certainly.
JONATHAN: You were saying?
I was saying...
Oh. Oh, um, Frank.
Um, Frank was such
a nice boy, you know.
But... there are
others in the group
that are not exactly
the kind of people
I'd like to have for tea.
Who, for instance?
Well... our esteemed
director, for one.
My... this is lovely
coffee, by the way.
Oh. Thank you.
Go on.
Well...
Tony carries on as
if he were bigtime,
and he's only directed
one off-off-Broadway play.
And that was a real turkey.
Anyway, the only place he
can work is community theater.
He seems to know
what he's doing.
Oh, yes, he does, all right.
And he certainly
knows how to live too.
What do you mean?
Well, don't you think
he lives awfully well
for a person in his position?
Yes.
That's because he
lives off his wife's money.
Estelle is very
wealthy, you know.
And do you know
who was very friendly...
with whom?
No. Who?
Uh, this is all
very interesting.
But, uh, could you tell us a
little bit more about Frank?
Well, now, don't be in
such a hurry, young man.
I'm getting to that.
Frank and Estelle...
[WHISPERING] were... you know.
Frank and Estelle?
Yes.
Did Tony know about that?
Oh, no. I don't believe so.
Anyway, he didn't, uh, let on.
Now, I just happened
to overhear them
planning to meet.
That's how I found out.
I wasn't snooping,
you understand.
I just... I just...
happened to be there.
And do you know who
drinks during rehearsal?
BOTH: No. Who?
Well, I'm awfully glad that
Millie let Max take her home.
Yeah, all that coffee
did go to her head.
Yes, it did, didn't it?
Darling.
Do you think that Tony
could have found out
about Frank and Estelle?
It certainly is a motive.
We never talked about murder.
No, but we, uh, have
been thinking about it.
I guess we have.
The thing that gets
me... is the method.
You mean the poison?
Yeah, it doesn't seem
like a... A crime of passion.
I know what you mean.
And it has a sort of
woman's touch to it.
Yeah. A woman scorned.
You think so?
Unless that's what the
director wants you to think.
[♪♪♪]
[PLAYS RANDOM NOTES]
♪ Three blind mice ♪
♪ Three blind mice ♪
♪ Frank and Estelle ♪
♪ Jennifer Hart as well ♪
♪ I poisoned Frank ♪
♪ As my poor wife cried ♪
♪ Now Jennifer Hart ♪
♪ Is the next to die ♪
♪ She knows too much ♪
♪ To be left alive ♪
It's just amazing how you
can lose yourself in your work.
Oh, please, Estelle, stop
playing the bereaved lover.
The part doesn't suit you.
What are you doing?
I'm setting the scene
for the dramatic conclusion.
Mrs. Jennifer Hart
is about to have
an unfortunate accident.
Real bullets can solve
a multitude of problems.
And for once, the shooting scene
should have real life.
[CHUCKLES]
Or should I say, death?
[♪♪♪]
Thanks very much, lieutenant.
I'd appreciate it if
you keep in touch.
Right.
Any news?
They tested out the poison.
Oh?
Yeah, and they'll have
the results in a day or two.
You know, darling,
the one missing link
in this whole
thing is the script.
It just doesn't seem
to fit into the triangle.
[SIGHS] I know what you mean.
What possible connection
could Estelle and Tony
have with Frank's play?
He is a director.
That he is.
Okay. I got it.
Got what?
Tony Vacarro's agent.
Practically called every
theatrical agency in town.
"Lew Elliott."
What do you want to see him for?
I wanna find out
what's in Tony's future,
and that's as good a
place as any to find out
whether he's got one.
But, darling...
we have a dress
rehearsal this afternoon.
Have you ever known
me... to miss a cue?
[♪♪♪]
Send him in, by all means.
Baby, believe me,
I know where you're coming from.
But let me remind you,
it was that 4-foot chimp
who go all the reviews.
Am I right or am I right?
Okay. So what's another
thou a week to a hit show?
Okay. Okay, if
that's your final word.
But don't come crying to me
if Bonzo has an
emotional breakdown
and can't make it to the set.
I want you to think about
it, okay, sweetheart?
Ciao, babe.
Jonathan Hart.
Hart Industries, huh?
May I call you Jon?
Sure, I, um...
We're going to produce a play.
Well, finally, uh,
Hart Industries
got a little smell of
the grease paint, huh?
Yes, that's right.
I'm interested
in, uh, a director.
Well, um, I got plenty
of directors here.
Uh, anybody that you're,
uh, particularly interested in?
Yes, I'm interested in one
director that you handle.
Tony Vacarro.
Oh, Jonny.
Uh, Tony Vacarro's,
uh, all tied up right now.
He's working on a very big deal.
Uh, I can't really
talk about it too much.
Uh, Rona's gonna break the
story next week on Coast to Coast.
Well, then I'll
call Rona myself.
She owes me one.
You know what I mean?
Uh, Mr. Hart, wait. Now...
Now don't go away mad.
Now, um... you're a
very respectable man.
Uh, I'm a very respectable man.
I think we can do
business. Uh, I trust you.
Tony Vacarro... wrote a script.
That's a catchy
title. Tricksters.
Tony Vacarro wrote this?
He's a writer and
a director, huh?
Yeah, who knew, huh?
That Tony's a double threat.
He's a threat, all right.
Jonny. I know that
you're as happy as I am
that Tony finally got
his foot in the door.
Yeah. That's shoe business.
Max, is Mrs. H still there?
No, she's gone to rehearsal.
Why, what's the matter?
I think Tony
Vacarro killed Frank.
Why?
He put his name on
Frank's script and sold it.
What's that got
to do with Mrs. H?
Well, she's the only
one who actually read it.
And if Tony did kill Frank,
then he'll probably try to kill
Mrs. H as well to shut her up.
Max, uh, I'm on my
way to the playhouse.
Okay, Mr. H.
ESTELLE: And you
think Derek Abercrombie
would kill his wife
over a broken toy?
Hm. That's ridiculous.
Ridiculous to you,
but he's been acting
rather strangely of late.
And I believe he's
sick... in the mind.
ESTELLE: Really?
And I thought he was
just acting upper class.
Hi, Myron.
It's almost time
for us to go on.
Yes.
[PANICKED BREATH]
Well, don't worry.
It's only a dress
rehearsal. Relax.
I suppose you're right.
No need to get nervous.
I hope I don't blow my lines.
Oh. You'll knock 'em dead.
[♪♪♪]
L.A. Mobile, this
is Jonathan Hart.
Get me the Bel Air Community
Players will you, please?
WOMAN [OVER PHONE]:
I'm sorry, the line is busy.
[TIRES SQUEAL]
[HONKING]
I'm quite worried
about you, Derek.
Worried?
Why would you worry about me?
Your nerves.
Dr. Johanson says you
could do with a good rest.
MYRON: You'd like me
out of the way, wouldn't you?
[HONKING]
[HONKS]
[TIRES SQUEALING]
[HONKING]
Ugh!
I warned you, didn't I?
Oh, please.
Please, don't be angry.
MYRON: Don't plead with
me. It won't do you any good.
I can't let you go on living.
JENNIFER: Derek, listen to me.
You don't know
what you're saying.
You've been under
a terrible strain.
What I do know...
I know I'm going to kill you.
You couldn't! You wouldn't!
Don't think you
can scream for help.
It's your chauffeur's
night off. [GASPS]
We're very much alone.
JENNIFER: Please,
Derek, I beg of you,
listen to reason.
[LAUGHS]
This is the only reason I know.
Now, die!
Die!
Die!
[GUNSHOT] [ESTELLE SCREAMS]
[MURMURING]
Are you all right?
Yes. It... It was Tony.
I couldn't let him do it.
I don't understand how
real bullets got in the gun.
I didn't realize you could be
shot for a bad performance.
Where is Tony?
I don't know.
He was out there a minute ago.
Somebody get the police.
[♪♪♪]
[SCREAMS]
Look out!
[EXCITED CHATTER]
[ACTORS GASPING]
Jonathan!
[EXHALES]
Not a bad show, huh?
Sorry, Tony...
but you gotta take the
good reviews with the bad.
JENNIFER: Well, I thought
the play came off really well.
Considering.
Considering what?
Well, considering I could
hardly get the lines straight.
Oh-ho. I don't think
anybody noticed.
I hope not.
You know, darling...
the community players
are about to schedule
their new season.
Oh, no. Mm-mm.
No? Not me.
Oh... The closest I'm
gonna get to a theater
is a seat in fifth row, center.
Well, you're no fun at all.
Max.
[GIGGLING] What is that costume?
You like it?
JONATHAN: It's,
uh, a little startling.
[CHUCKLES]
Are you going to
a costume party?
Nah.
I thought I'd try out for
that Shakespeare group.
They're doing Hamlet.
What do you think:
To be or not to be,
that is the question.
Believe me, if
that's the question,
you don't wanna know the answer.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
[♪♪♪]
NARRATOR: This is
my boss, Jonathan Hart,
a self-made millionaire.
He's quite a guy.
This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.
She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.
By the way, my name is Max.
I take care of both of them,
which ain't easy,
'cause when they met,
it was murder.
[♪♪♪]
[WHIMPERS]
[UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS]
MYRON: I warned you, didn't I?
JENNIFER: Please...
Please, don't be angry.
Don't plead with me. It
won't do you any good.
MYRON: I can't
let you go on living.
JENNIFER: Derek, listen to me.
You don't know
what you're saying.
You've been under
a terrible strain.
[CACKLES]
But I do know.
I know that I'm
going to kill you.
But you couldn't! You wouldn't!
Don't think you
can scream for help.
It's your chauffeur's
night off, and we're alone.
Derek, please, listen to me.
I beg of you, listen to reason.
[CACKLES]
This is the only reason I know.
Take that. Bang! Bang! Bang!
TONY: Curtain!
Give me house lights.
A loaded banana, Myron?
[CHUCKLING] Well, there was
nothing else on the prop table.
Oh. Right. I want you to
work on your motivation
for this scene, Myron.
I don't know from motivations.
I only know from root canals.
Forget you're a dentist.
You're now an artiste...
in the Bel Air
Community Theatre.
You understand?
You got it, Tony.
Jennifer, that was very good.
Except, when you fall, darling,
make sure your head
is turned upstage.
This way, you can sneak
a breath if you need to.
Oh, that's a good idea.
Uh, incidentally,
your English accent
is coming along very nicely.
Oh, I-I promise you
I'll work on that, Tony.
Okay, we'll take
a 10-minute break,
and then we'll come
back top of act two.
Okay?
How are you doing, darling?
Pretty good. I've committed
14 lines to memory.
Terrific.
Yeah, but it's taken
me three weeks.
Listen, the next time the
community players ask us
to do something,
why don't we just mail
'em a check, all right?
Oh, now, Mr. Hart, you're
making an even bigger contribution
being in our play.
You're very good, you know.
Thanks, Millie.
FRANK: Nobody else
was gonna read this play!
Look, Frank, I am really s...
Oh, that Estelle.
She wouldn't
even be in this play
if her husband
weren't the director.
But what she lacks in talent,
she makes up for with
a hefty pocketbook.
How about a cup of coffee?
Love it. Thanks.
Jonathan, Jennifer,
I wanna talk to you.
Hey, Frank. How do you
like the rehearsals so far?
Well, I think the,
uh, performances are
far better than the writing.
Flappers Folly is my first
experiment in high camp.
Well, I wouldn't worry about it,
the audience is gonna love it.
Well, I hope so.
Anyway, come here.
I've just finished a new one.
And I think it is the best
play I have ever written.
In fact, "It is great," the
author said modestly.
[BOTH LAUGH] I'm sure it is.
Wait. Since you
read Flappers first,
um, I thought
maybe, just for luck,
you'd read this one too?
We'd be delighted.
Sure.
Look out!
WOMAN: Oh, my God!
[MAN COUGHS] What happened?
A sandbag.
Well, that wasn't in the plot.
But thanks to you, I think
we'll all be here opening night.
Boy, I'm glad nobody got hurt.
Oh, this is terrible.
Just terrible!
Millie, everybody is okay.
Yes, I know,
but we borrowed this
table from the Johnsons,
and now, look at it.
TONY: All right, let's
clear this mess up,
so we can get back to work.
We're going from the
top of act two, okay?
All right, somebody get a broom.
I'll get a broom, Millie.
I don't know how we're
gonna work with this thing.
All right, somebody...
Larry, help me with this thing.
♪ Here we all live
On the Mississippi ♪
Okay.
Here it is.
Oh, great.
"Tricksters." Ahh.
Well, I'm dying to read it.
Well, I'm dying to
get your reaction.
Look, uh, I really
wanna thank both of you
for all the encouragement
you've been giving me.
Oh, you deserve it.
You're really good.
Well, thanks. You
will read it soon?
I tell you what,
I'll read it tonight,
and if you give me
a call in the morning,
I'll give you the review.
Terrific. Listen, Jonathan,
if you have time, I'd
like for you to read it too.
Sure. And, uh, just to show
you how confident I am,
how about lunch tomorrow?
Oh, that sounds good.
Perfect.
Good. My place, 1:00.
I think I have finally
mastered Crêpe à la Reine.
We can even come up with
a couple of bottles of Chablis.
Right? Right.
Perfect. Listen, I'm gonna watch
the rest of rehearsal out front.
I'll see you later.
TONY: Quiet, backstage! Curtain.
JENNIFER:
Jonathan, listen to this:
"Suddenly, the
monster's hairy hand
"crashes through the window
and seizes her by the throat.
She screams."
[BARKS]
Well... you're not
a monster, are you?
You're just my little baby.
Go on.
You called for a monster?
[LAUGHING] No,
it's Frank's play.
Speaking of which, our Crêpes
à la Reine are getting cold.
Aw.
Well, I... I just have to
finish a few more pages of it.
How do you like it?
Oh, it's wonderful.
That will make Frank
very happy. Come on.
Oh, no. I-I just wanna
see how it ends.
Darling, we can finish
it in the car. Let's go.
Oh. Okay.
[♪♪♪]
FRANK: Jonathan,
Jennifer, you're early.
Oh, uh, Tony... Hi.
Estelle.
Uh, this is a surprise.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, come on in. Ahem.
Thanks.
[SIGHS]
Well...
this is where great
drama is written, huh?
This is the place.
It's charming.
Thank you.
Well...
any special reason for
your, uh, dropping by?
Oh, I just wanted to tell
you how much I'd enjoyed
reading your new play.
Oh, I see.
Well, I didn't realize
it was the featured selection
of the lending library.
Oh, well, I saw
Estelle reading it,
and I couldn't keep
my hands off of it.
It's a terrific play, Frank.
I mean, it's gonna be a big hit.
I'd, uh... I'd really
like to direct it.
[SIGHS]
Look, Tony, I don't
want to seem rude...
but the reason no one has
seen the play is because
I wanna send it out
to some Broadway
producers first.
Now, it's nothing against you,
it's just that...
I don't wanna get tied
up with a director as yet.
Especially a smalltime director.
No matter how...
Look, I didn't mean it that way.
Frank, easy.
No hard feelings.
Frank, could I have
a glass of water?
Oh, well, I'm very sorry.
I should fix something.
Wine? Soda?
Oh, I'll have what
you're having.
[MOUTHS INDISTINCTLY]
Water will be just fine for me.
Tony...
you have the manners of a pig.
[♪♪♪]
[SIGHS]
Look, uh, Tony, I
didn't mean to get hot,
but, uh, the play is my baby.
Oh, I understand, Frank.
But I, uh...
I did take the liberty
of showing your script
to a... A close friend of mine,
who happens to be a
big Broadway producer.
You shouldn't have done that.
Not without my permission.
I wanna do your
play very badly, Frank.
It would be a real
career move for me.
I have a career to consider too.
My producer friend is willing
to offer you a sizable option
as against a sizable sale.
Well, that's very encouraging.
Frank, what's wrong?
I don't feel very well.
TONY: One small point, Frank.
I took the liberty of putting
my name on your script.
A producer could
hardly deny me the right
to direct my own play, could he?
Tony, you didn't.
ESTELLE: Frank.
What is it? What's wrong?
What's the matter,
don't you recognize
a dead playwright
when you see one?
What did you do?
I spiked his Harvey Wallbanger.
You killed him? I'm
calling the police.
Just a minute, sweetheart.
Unless you'd like me to
make it a double funeral...
I know you've been
having an affair with Frank.
I've had you followed
for the last two months.
What are you doing?
I'm doing a little
creative housekeeping.
I wouldn't want
anybody to doubt the fact
that I was the
author of the play.
Tony... you murdered
him for a play?
My dear girl, as
Mr. Shakespeare said,
"The play's the thing."
[♪♪♪]
JONATHAN: That play is longer
than Long Day's Journey Into Night.
Finished?
It's the most extraordinary
play I've ever read.
Oh. I can't wait to read it.
There's this wonderful
bedroom scene...
Stop. Please. Don't tell
me. I wanna be surprised.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Frank.
Hey, Frank, you better wake up,
you're not gonna
get out of this lunch.
Frank?
Frank!
What is it?
He's dead.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER
ON POLICE RADIO]
You were meeting
him for lunch, huh?
That's right.
What do you think, lieutenant?
Well, he had 100
bucks in his pocket,
so that, uh, rules out robbery.
Looks like he collapsed
while he was working.
I would guess heart
attack or stroke.
He was a very
young man, lieutenant.
Yeah, well, you
know these arty types.
Wine, women and whoopee.
And anything they
could sniff, smoke,
or swallow.
Did you ever read
about the snowcapped
hills of Hollywood?
I'm sorry, but that doesn't
sound like Frank Jordan to me.
Well, you can't tell
a writer by his cover.
JONATHAN: It's so wonderful to
have you home again, Lady Cynthia.
Oh, Rodney, you're
such a good friend.
MYRON: Admittedly, it
was inexcusable what I did,
but it was love, Cynthia.
Animal love!
Derek, please, I've only
just returned from hospital.
But you don't understand. I...
I... I forgot my cue.
LARRY: Tony?
Tony, do we have to go on?
I mean, I feel rotten.
Poor Frank.
Yes. Yes, it was terrible.
He was such a talented man.
Okay, folks,
let's call it a night.
Oh, one other thing, people.
Estelle has your
costume vouchers.
Uh, do try and get into
Celebrity Costume & Props
for your fittings.
It's very important.
I just can't get
over Frank's death.
Yes.
It certainly was a
shock. Come on.
WOMAN: Good night, everyone.
ESTELLE: Oh.
Here's your voucher.
Oh. Cheer up, darling.
Thanks, baby.
Get your costumes.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
Poor Frank.
He was such a talented man.
When you compare
his new play to the play
we're doing right now,
it's absolutely amazing.
He could have been
a major playwright.
Frank's new play?
Yes. It's called Tricksters.
It's a wonderful mystery.
He asked us both to read it.
In fact, I... I still
have it out in the car.
Oh. Here's your voucher.
I'll have to go after work.
Yup. Just make sure
they have enough time
to do any alterations.
Here's one for you.
Yeah, thanks very
much. Well, shall we?
Yes.
Oh, before you both run off,
I wanna ask you some questions
about our scene
in the third act.
Got a minute?
[SIGHS]
Sure, Myron.
[♪♪♪]
Look!
Hey, what are you doing there?
Jonathan!
Are you all right?
Yeah.
Well, it looks like all
he took was a camera.
And the script.
What would he
want with a script?
Ooh, did I take
a hit on the head.
You want me to drive?
[EXHALES] Yeah,
maybe you better.
Now I've got the scripts,
the notes, everything.
I still can't believe you
killed Frank for this play.
Oh. You'll soon get over
your grief, my darling,
when I'm a big
Broadway director.
No more of this tacky
community theater crap for us.
Well, Tony, there's
something you've forgotten.
Jennifer Hart has read the play.
She knows you didn't write it.
Hm. Well, that's simple.
We'll write Jennifer
Hart out of the show.
Oh, no. You wouldn't.
Ah, yes, I would.
I rather like directing
death scenes.
[CHUCKLES]
[♪♪♪]
[SIGHS]
Go on, Freeway.
[FRENCH ACCENT] Well.
How is the bump on your head?
[NORMAL VOICE] Oh, your
mountain is becoming a molehill.
You know, I still don't get it.
What?
That thing about the script.
You mean, about why he took it?
Hmm.
Well, maybe he...
He's an intellectual.
Or didn't have a library card.
Or maybe...
he just didn't
want us to have it...
and he took the camera
to make it look like
an ordinary robbery.
I'm glad you're
thinking for both of us.
My, uh, head hurts.
Oh, well, then, we don't
want to tax that bump, do we?
Will you take it easy? You're
gonna melt my ice cubes.
[LAUGHS]
That's exactly
what I had in mind.
JONATHAN: I wonder what
surprise awaits us at Frank's place.
Look, honey, the cops told
me not to let anybody in here
until after the investigation.
Oh, well, there must
be some mistake.
Mr. Redmond, the
owner of this building,
asked for us to start
as soon as possible.
This is my assistant,
Mr. Jonathan,
and our contractor, Mr. Max.
[CHUCKLING] Pleased to meet you.
Jonathan, the color
of this building must go.
I certainly hope so.
MRS. PERKINS:
Now, wait a minute.
Excuse me, honey, but, uh...
Mr. Redmond did not say
nothing to me about redecorating.
Well, he must have.
Oh, Max, as long as we're here,
why don't you
measure Mrs. uh...?
Uh, Perkins. Mrs. Perkins.
Yes, measure Mrs.
Perkins' apartment.
Sure thing.
Oh, my apartment?
Well, I didn't know you were
gonna do my apartment too.
But of course.
You are in the
building, aren't you?
[LAUGHS]
Come on, Mrs. Perkins.
Got my... trusty ruler
right in my pocket.
[GIGGLES]
Yeah, well, I guess
I could let you in.
I'll just, uh, follow him.
So, what do you think?
Well, I think mauve
would be a terrific color.
And I think we ought to redo
the moldings too, don't you?
Oh, yes. [LAUGHS]
[SIGHS] We better
find that script
before she discovers
we're not color coordinated.
I think Mrs. Perkins is gonna
get a complete overhaul.
Here's a file on
Tricksters right here.
JENNIFER: Good.
It's empty.
Really?
There's nothing here.
Look.
Nothing.
Looks like somebody
got here before we did.
There must be
something pretty important
in those scripts.
What about Farley?
JONATHAN: Farley?
JENNIFER: Frank's favorite fern.
Frank's favorite
fern looks fairly faint.
You can say that again.
No, you try to say that again.
Come on, Farley. Think
we could all use a drink.
We'd better get out of here.
JONATHAN: How'd it go, Max?
She didn't call the owner.
How'd you manage it?
I diverted her.
[TIRES SCREECH]
How're you doing, darling?
[UPBEAT JAZZ PLAYING]
Mine's almost a perfect fit.
Oh, you kid.
Let's boogie. ♪ Da-da, da ♪
Uh, no, darling. I
think it's Charleston.
Oh, Charleston. ♪ Da-da, da-da ♪
BOTH: ♪ Da-da, da-da, da-da ♪
♪ Da-da, da-da ♪
♪ Da-da-da, da-da ♪
♪ Da, da-da ♪
♪ Do, de, da-da Da-da... ♪
What's the matter,
run out of dance steps?
♪ Da-da-da... ♪
[CONTINUES VOCALIZING]
Darling.
I think we ought to 23 skidoo.
Take it easy, cheetah.
Maybe he's attracted to my coat.
[GRUNTS]
Dah! Are you all right?
[EXHALES]
Yeah. Are you?
Yeah.
Look what they
did to my ukulele.
Oh.
[UKULELE TWANGS]
JONATHAN: Yeah. Thanks
very much, lieutenant.
Okay. Goodbye.
The autopsy on Frank indicates
that he died of heart failure.
Without any
evidence of foul play,
they can't continue
the investigation.
Thanks, Max.
Well, what about
this script snatcher
in the ski mask, and...
King Kong's younger brother?
It's all got to do
with Frank's play.
Coffee, Mr. H?
Yeah, thanks, Max.
Too bad we haven't got a copy.
Must be something
in that script.
Do you remember the plot?
Well, sure.
It's about a woman
whose husband is
slowly driving her crazy.
Sounds like a real Gaslight.
How does he do it?
Well...
They live in a very
isolated house,
and he begins to stir up an
old legend of a monster man,
which eventually drives
her to commit suicide.
Then he inherits all her money
and marries his girlfriend.
Then she begins to
blackmail him about his past,
in order to get
whatever she wants.
And then, eventually,
they begin to plot
against each other
in order to kill each other,
eh, which they eventually do.
Wait a minute. I just seen
that on The Late Show.
Well, I know it sounds
cliché, but it's very well written.
There are lots of
twists and turns.
And the characters
are almost real.
Maybe Frank got his
inspiration from real people.
Yeah, like somebody in
the community players.
He worked with those
people all the time.
That's exactly
what I was thinking.
You know what we could do?
We could ask Millie Payson.
She knows all the dirt.
Speaking of dirt, Farley here
needs repotting or something.
He's dying in front
of our very eyes.
I don't understand that.
I water him all the time.
Maybe he needs some TLC.
No. I talked to him
yesterday very thoughtfully.
But whatever I said must
have shook him up real bad.
I think Farley
needs intensive care.
I'm gonna take
him to McGregor's.
They're used to tough cases.
Max is talking to the plants?
Once in a while.
[♪♪♪]
MYRON: Inspector,
I simply can't agree.
What happened was an accident.
Well, so it might appear.
But there is no explaining
the absence of the butler,
nor the silk handkerchief
in Lady Finchley's bath.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Enter!
Hello, Derek. Has
Lady Anne arisen?
And who might this be?
Excuse me, inspector.
This is our dear
friend, Rodney Frozier.
Oh. The "madcap playboy,"
as her ladyship expressed it.
One and the same.
And where were you, sir,
on the night of August the 4th?
Hm?
Really was a shame
about poor Frank, wasn't it?
Really was. I mean,
it was a shame.
Did you know him well?
Who? Oh, yeah... No, no.
A drink once or twice.
Like that, you know?
Oh. He was such a
nice guy, wasn't he?
Really nice. I mean,
really a nice guy. Mm.
His, uh, new play
is really sensational.
Is it? Is it?
Yes.
This one seems to
be pretty good too.
Of course, I mean, I'm no judge.
I'm, um... I'm in
insurance, you know.
No. Mm-hm.
I didn't know.
Mm.
Hm.
Did you, uh... by any chance,
get a chance to
read his new play?
Mm, no, uh...
I, uh, barely got
through this one.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Yes, well, it was such
a shock, wasn't it?
Mm. Terrible shock.
I mean, I just can't imagine
Frank having any
enemies, can you?
No, I just... I mean, Frank
with enemies, it's, uh...
You know, if you'd like
to talk more about Frank,
I mean, in depth... Yes?
Why don't we...? Why
don't we get together
and discuss it sometime
over a drink, perhaps?
Oh.
Listen... just how
much insurance
do you and Jonathan have?
I mean, usually the husband
has so much more than the wife,
and I find that an
inequity. Uh-huh.
I mean, it's something
ERA should get into.
[MAN LAUGHING] Yes.
I mean, isn't marriage a
balance, a parity as it were?
Ah. I... I think I hear my cue.
Oh. [CLICKS TONGUE]
Sure. Could you do me a favor?
I'd be happy to.
Can you reach my coat?
Oh, absolutely.
Ah. Thank you.
You're welcome.
We'll talk later.
I look forward to it.
JONATHAN: Anyone for tennis?
No. Well, anyone for
a cucumber sandwich?
A spot of tea? Pimms Cup?
No? Pity.
Well, if I can't
interest you at tennis,
then that's that.
Ta-ta for now.
Did you find out anything?
Yes. I'm underinsured.
TONY: Jennifer! Your cue!
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
Well, out of the
hospital, at last!
Perhaps you could shed
some light on these dealings.
I most certainly can.
It all began at the
Hotsy Totsy Club.
Rodney Frozier's mother,
the lady duchess...
You're giving a wonderful
performance, Jonathan.
Thanks, Millie. But I
hardly know the words.
Oh, you'll get them.
I've been with this
group for 20 years,
and rehearsals
are always difficult.
But don't worry.
You must know all
these people very well.
Oh, I certainly do.
And some of them,
I wish I didn't know.
How well did you know Frank?
Oh, if these...
If I could tell
all these stories.
If these walls could talk.
My, my. But I'm
sure they have ears.
[CHUCKLES]
Well... I'd like to hear
more about all of this.
Oh? Mm-hm.
Would you like to
come by our house
and have have a cup of coffee,
say, uh, tonight?
Oh, I'd like that very much.
Oh. Shh!
I'll see you then.
Thank you.
Excellent. That's excellent.
Now, we'll just try the
shooting scene again.
And we'll take it from where
you draw the gun, Myron, okay?
Okay.
[CLEARS THROAT]
JENNIFER: Uh...
let's see... All right.
Please, Derek, I beg of you,
listen to reason!
[LAUGHING]
This is the only reason I know.
Take that! Bang!
Bang!
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
A pear, Myron?
You shot her with a pear?
[SIGHS] I ate the
banana for lunch.
Wonderful.
Millie.
Where's the gun?
Millie, I want the gun.
Millie, give me the gun!
Thank you, dear.
Now, Myron, this is a gun.
It looks very real. [CHUCKLES]
But it's loaded with
blanks. See? [GUNSHOT]
You two better get
used to this noise,
because if you jump,
the audience won't, right?
Now, Myron,
point it straight at the heart
and give it some life, right?
Okay. Once again.
[JENNIFER COUGHS]
Please, Derek, I beg of you,
listen to reason!
[LAUGHS]
This is the only raisin I know.
Raisin?
Myron, did you say "raisin"?
Raisin. I said raisin.
Okay. Let's take it
again from the top.
[♪♪♪]
Here, let me help you.
Oh, thanks, Max. I got it, Max.
Farley.
Oh, no.
Not even Mr. McGregor's
green thumb could save you.
That isn't it, Mrs. H.
This plant was murdered.
Murdered?
McGregor analyzed the
soil to see what was going on.
They found alcohol
in it and weed killer.
Alcohol?
It wasn't the alcohol that
did it, it was the weed killer.
Pretty strong stuff. Klandren.
This stuff is so deadly,
that they don't like
to sell it anymore.
Why would anyone
do that to a houseplant?
Max...
did they say the poison was
in the soil or in the alcohol?
They didn't say. You
want me to get rid of it?
No, I think the police
ought to have a peek at this.
I'll give Lieutenant
Grey a call.
If they've tested
everything else,
they can test that.
What'd you say it was?
Klandren.
Lieutenant Grey, please.
[♪♪♪]
Anyone want any more coffee?
Oh, no, thank you, Max.
But, uh...
perhaps just a
touch more brandy.
Certainly.
JONATHAN: You were saying?
I was saying...
Oh. Oh, um, Frank.
Um, Frank was such
a nice boy, you know.
But... there are
others in the group
that are not exactly
the kind of people
I'd like to have for tea.
Who, for instance?
Well... our esteemed
director, for one.
My... this is lovely
coffee, by the way.
Oh. Thank you.
Go on.
Well...
Tony carries on as
if he were bigtime,
and he's only directed
one off-off-Broadway play.
And that was a real turkey.
Anyway, the only place he
can work is community theater.
He seems to know
what he's doing.
Oh, yes, he does, all right.
And he certainly
knows how to live too.
What do you mean?
Well, don't you think
he lives awfully well
for a person in his position?
Yes.
That's because he
lives off his wife's money.
Estelle is very
wealthy, you know.
And do you know
who was very friendly...
with whom?
No. Who?
Uh, this is all
very interesting.
But, uh, could you tell us a
little bit more about Frank?
Well, now, don't be in
such a hurry, young man.
I'm getting to that.
Frank and Estelle...
[WHISPERING] were... you know.
Frank and Estelle?
Yes.
Did Tony know about that?
Oh, no. I don't believe so.
Anyway, he didn't, uh, let on.
Now, I just happened
to overhear them
planning to meet.
That's how I found out.
I wasn't snooping,
you understand.
I just... I just...
happened to be there.
And do you know who
drinks during rehearsal?
BOTH: No. Who?
Well, I'm awfully glad that
Millie let Max take her home.
Yeah, all that coffee
did go to her head.
Yes, it did, didn't it?
Darling.
Do you think that Tony
could have found out
about Frank and Estelle?
It certainly is a motive.
We never talked about murder.
No, but we, uh, have
been thinking about it.
I guess we have.
The thing that gets
me... is the method.
You mean the poison?
Yeah, it doesn't seem
like a... A crime of passion.
I know what you mean.
And it has a sort of
woman's touch to it.
Yeah. A woman scorned.
You think so?
Unless that's what the
director wants you to think.
[♪♪♪]
[PLAYS RANDOM NOTES]
♪ Three blind mice ♪
♪ Three blind mice ♪
♪ Frank and Estelle ♪
♪ Jennifer Hart as well ♪
♪ I poisoned Frank ♪
♪ As my poor wife cried ♪
♪ Now Jennifer Hart ♪
♪ Is the next to die ♪
♪ She knows too much ♪
♪ To be left alive ♪
It's just amazing how you
can lose yourself in your work.
Oh, please, Estelle, stop
playing the bereaved lover.
The part doesn't suit you.
What are you doing?
I'm setting the scene
for the dramatic conclusion.
Mrs. Jennifer Hart
is about to have
an unfortunate accident.
Real bullets can solve
a multitude of problems.
And for once, the shooting scene
should have real life.
[CHUCKLES]
Or should I say, death?
[♪♪♪]
Thanks very much, lieutenant.
I'd appreciate it if
you keep in touch.
Right.
Any news?
They tested out the poison.
Oh?
Yeah, and they'll have
the results in a day or two.
You know, darling,
the one missing link
in this whole
thing is the script.
It just doesn't seem
to fit into the triangle.
[SIGHS] I know what you mean.
What possible connection
could Estelle and Tony
have with Frank's play?
He is a director.
That he is.
Okay. I got it.
Got what?
Tony Vacarro's agent.
Practically called every
theatrical agency in town.
"Lew Elliott."
What do you want to see him for?
I wanna find out
what's in Tony's future,
and that's as good a
place as any to find out
whether he's got one.
But, darling...
we have a dress
rehearsal this afternoon.
Have you ever known
me... to miss a cue?
[♪♪♪]
Send him in, by all means.
Baby, believe me,
I know where you're coming from.
But let me remind you,
it was that 4-foot chimp
who go all the reviews.
Am I right or am I right?
Okay. So what's another
thou a week to a hit show?
Okay. Okay, if
that's your final word.
But don't come crying to me
if Bonzo has an
emotional breakdown
and can't make it to the set.
I want you to think about
it, okay, sweetheart?
Ciao, babe.
Jonathan Hart.
Hart Industries, huh?
May I call you Jon?
Sure, I, um...
We're going to produce a play.
Well, finally, uh,
Hart Industries
got a little smell of
the grease paint, huh?
Yes, that's right.
I'm interested
in, uh, a director.
Well, um, I got plenty
of directors here.
Uh, anybody that you're,
uh, particularly interested in?
Yes, I'm interested in one
director that you handle.
Tony Vacarro.
Oh, Jonny.
Uh, Tony Vacarro's,
uh, all tied up right now.
He's working on a very big deal.
Uh, I can't really
talk about it too much.
Uh, Rona's gonna break the
story next week on Coast to Coast.
Well, then I'll
call Rona myself.
She owes me one.
You know what I mean?
Uh, Mr. Hart, wait. Now...
Now don't go away mad.
Now, um... you're a
very respectable man.
Uh, I'm a very respectable man.
I think we can do
business. Uh, I trust you.
Tony Vacarro... wrote a script.
That's a catchy
title. Tricksters.
Tony Vacarro wrote this?
He's a writer and
a director, huh?
Yeah, who knew, huh?
That Tony's a double threat.
He's a threat, all right.
Jonny. I know that
you're as happy as I am
that Tony finally got
his foot in the door.
Yeah. That's shoe business.
Max, is Mrs. H still there?
No, she's gone to rehearsal.
Why, what's the matter?
I think Tony
Vacarro killed Frank.
Why?
He put his name on
Frank's script and sold it.
What's that got
to do with Mrs. H?
Well, she's the only
one who actually read it.
And if Tony did kill Frank,
then he'll probably try to kill
Mrs. H as well to shut her up.
Max, uh, I'm on my
way to the playhouse.
Okay, Mr. H.
ESTELLE: And you
think Derek Abercrombie
would kill his wife
over a broken toy?
Hm. That's ridiculous.
Ridiculous to you,
but he's been acting
rather strangely of late.
And I believe he's
sick... in the mind.
ESTELLE: Really?
And I thought he was
just acting upper class.
Hi, Myron.
It's almost time
for us to go on.
Yes.
[PANICKED BREATH]
Well, don't worry.
It's only a dress
rehearsal. Relax.
I suppose you're right.
No need to get nervous.
I hope I don't blow my lines.
Oh. You'll knock 'em dead.
[♪♪♪]
L.A. Mobile, this
is Jonathan Hart.
Get me the Bel Air Community
Players will you, please?
WOMAN [OVER PHONE]:
I'm sorry, the line is busy.
[TIRES SQUEAL]
[HONKING]
I'm quite worried
about you, Derek.
Worried?
Why would you worry about me?
Your nerves.
Dr. Johanson says you
could do with a good rest.
MYRON: You'd like me
out of the way, wouldn't you?
[HONKING]
[HONKS]
[TIRES SQUEALING]
[HONKING]
Ugh!
I warned you, didn't I?
Oh, please.
Please, don't be angry.
MYRON: Don't plead with
me. It won't do you any good.
I can't let you go on living.
JENNIFER: Derek, listen to me.
You don't know
what you're saying.
You've been under
a terrible strain.
What I do know...
I know I'm going to kill you.
You couldn't! You wouldn't!
Don't think you
can scream for help.
It's your chauffeur's
night off. [GASPS]
We're very much alone.
JENNIFER: Please,
Derek, I beg of you,
listen to reason.
[LAUGHS]
This is the only reason I know.
Now, die!
Die!
Die!
[GUNSHOT] [ESTELLE SCREAMS]
[MURMURING]
Are you all right?
Yes. It... It was Tony.
I couldn't let him do it.
I don't understand how
real bullets got in the gun.
I didn't realize you could be
shot for a bad performance.
Where is Tony?
I don't know.
He was out there a minute ago.
Somebody get the police.
[♪♪♪]
[SCREAMS]
Look out!
[EXCITED CHATTER]
[ACTORS GASPING]
Jonathan!
[EXHALES]
Not a bad show, huh?
Sorry, Tony...
but you gotta take the
good reviews with the bad.
JENNIFER: Well, I thought
the play came off really well.
Considering.
Considering what?
Well, considering I could
hardly get the lines straight.
Oh-ho. I don't think
anybody noticed.
I hope not.
You know, darling...
the community players
are about to schedule
their new season.
Oh, no. Mm-mm.
No? Not me.
Oh... The closest I'm
gonna get to a theater
is a seat in fifth row, center.
Well, you're no fun at all.
Max.
[GIGGLING] What is that costume?
You like it?
JONATHAN: It's,
uh, a little startling.
[CHUCKLES]
Are you going to
a costume party?
Nah.
I thought I'd try out for
that Shakespeare group.
They're doing Hamlet.
What do you think:
To be or not to be,
that is the question.
Believe me, if
that's the question,
you don't wanna know the answer.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
[♪♪♪]