Hart to Hart (1979–1984): Season 2, Episode 13 - Homemade Murder - full transcript
An used bullet hidden in their house by a new Hart employee leads to a cat-and-mouse evening with a murderer.
[♪♪♪]
NARRATOR: This is my boss,
Jonathan Hart, a self-made millionaire.
He's quite a guy.
This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.
She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.
By the way, my name is Max.
I take care of both of
them, which ain't easy,
'cause when they
met, it was murder.
[♪♪♪]
[WHIMPERS]
[♪♪♪]
JENNIFER: We should
go to Japan more often.
Don't you think it would be fun
if we did a little
bit of redecorating?
You know, put a
few shoji screens
and some grass mats.
JONATHAN: You mean, sleep
on the floor in one of those beds
that have those little
blocks for pillows?
Well, I wouldn't go that far.
No geishas?
We always have Max.
He cuts a mean sushi.
Well, what do you think?
I think we'll be the hit of
Mildred's costume party.
You do, huh?
Give me a little kiss.
Ah. Eh, eh, eh.
What is this?
Oh, I'm not trying to
give you the brushoff.
All you samurai are alike.
It's really easy once you get
the cross-reference system.
Personnel said I'd be
doing secretarial work.
Oh, don't worry, you will.
Everybody starts out this
way and works their way up.
[PHONE RINGING] This
way you get the whole idea
and you learn how
the company runs.
Excuse me.
Mr. Hart's office.
Uh, yes, she is.
Mindy, it's for you.
For me?
Yeah, you can
take it over there.
Hello.
MAN: Hello, Mindy.
I'm so pleased to
have finally found you.
Oh, good morning, Mr. Hart.
Welcome back. How was Tokyo?
Mindy, are you there?
Yes.
We were at your
apartment this morning.
It was disappointing
not to find you in it.
I'll get them right
over to you. Bye.
So we thought we'd drop by
and chat about... things.
[LINE CLICKS]
An hour?
Never mind. I'll
call someone else.
Thank you. Bye.
[SIGHS]
Anything wrong?
No, I'm fine.
[SIGHS] Well, I'm not.
I've got to get these
papers over to Mr. Hart.
He's got a very important
meeting this afternoon.
I could take them.
You could? Yeah.
Would you?
Sure.
[♪♪♪]
DEANNE: Yes, Mr. Connolly.
Right. No problem. Bye-bye.
Hi. Hi.
I was told I could find
Mindy Vernon here.
I'm her sister.
Oh, you just
missed her. I'm sorry.
She took some very important
papers over to Mr. Hart's house.
Oh, darn it.
I came all the way down
from Saskatchewan, Canada.
Oh, well, you're welcome
to wait, if you'd like.
She should be back
in about an hour or so.
Would you excuse me?
I'll be back in a minute.
Feel free.
MINDY: It's Mindy
Vernon from the office.
MAX [OVER INTERCOM]:
Okay. Come on up.
[♪♪♪]
Well, we've come this far.
We can wait a little longer.
[KNOCKING]
Hello, I'm Mindy.
Hi, Mindy, I'm Max. Come on in.
How about a cup
of coffee, Mindy?
I'm just cooking
up a fresh batch.
That would be nice. Thank you.
How do you like it?
Black. Fine.
Make yourself at
home. I'll be right back.
[SIGHS]
[TOY SQUEAKS]
No thanks, I don't really
feel like playing, honey.
[♪♪♪]
It's okay.
[SQUEAKS]
Here you go.
Freeway, stop
bothering the lady.
Oh, he's no bother. Thank you.
Have you got the
papers for Mr. H?
Yes.
Here they are. Oh, thanks.
I'll go see if he's got anything
to go back to the office.
I'll be right back.
[♪♪♪]
Max!
[BARKS]
Hi, Mr. H.
What do you think?
You look great.
There's a young lady
here from the office.
Darling, we've got company.
Oh.
She delivered this,
and she's waiting for
whatever you got to go back.
How do you do?
I'm Jonathan Hart.
This is my wife, Jennifer.
Hello, I'm Mindy Vernon.
How do you do? Would
you like a cup of tea?
No, thank you.
I have some coffee.
They're really a lot of fun.
Yes, I can see that. Yes.
[♪♪♪]
All right, where is it?
Someplace safe.
Did you leave it
with your friends?
You really expect
me to tell you?
I'd rather you did.
You know what a cutting edge
Ciro has to his conversation.
Did you leave it
with that Hart fellow?
[SCOFFS]
If I tell you, you
kill me. Right?
Could be.
In any case, I'm
going to get it.
I have nothing to lose, have I?
Ciro.
Talk to her.
[♪♪♪]
Please, Ciro.
I was always very nice to you.
[CIRO SCREAMS]
We're going to
have to do something
about improving
your personality.
[LAUGHS]
I don't know, Guido,
I'm leaning more toward
a Neapolitan crust.
Ah, then don't lean too close,
or else you'll get sauce on you.
You get it? Huh?
[LAUGHING]
That's a good one.
Okay.
What do you want to put on top?
Oh, you know, the usual.
Onions, green peppers,
extra cheese and anchovies.
And pepperoni, No
pepperoni, Mrs. Hart?
You love pepperoni.
Oh, Guido, how could I forget?
You see, you saved my pizza.
No need to tell you,
the pizza will be delivered
personally by me, Guido.
Thank you. And make it a small.
When do you want it?
Oh. Let's see. It's 5:00 now.
How about around 8?
And please make sure
the anchovies are fresh.
Hey, Mrs. Hart, I only
use 100-year-old fish.
A hundred years old?
Because no anchovy is
worth its salt before that.
You get it?
[LAUGHS] Of course.
Bye-bye, Guido.
Darling, you're
home early. Yeah.
I just talked to Guido.
I told him to deliver
the pizza at 8.
Ah, great. Why don't
you grab a shower,
and I'll open a
bottle of Valpolicella?
Okay. I'll be down
in 20 minutes.
I'll be up in 10.
[LAUGHS]
Now, let's see.
What goes with
Valpolicella and pizza?
Ah.
No, that'll get stains on it.
Mm-hm. Ah! There we go.
That's perfect.
[GASPS]
[♪♪♪]
You're obviously
not the pizza people.
No. We don't deliver, Mr. Hart.
We only pick up.
Put the wine
bottle down, please.
[BOTTLE CLINKS]
What is it that you're
exactly here to pick up?
Who else is in the house?
No one.
Oh, you've forgotten your wife?
You two been
going together long?
Jonathan!
Jonathan!
Oh, darling.
Who are these people?
MAN: Who we
are is not important.
What is important is that
we can do our business
in a very civilized manner,
or we can kill you and
manage without you.
[♪♪♪]
[SQUEAKING]
Get that dog out of here!
Freeway, go on.
I get the feeling you're here
for more than the silverware,
Mister, uh... Kruger.
I'll take the bullet, please.
Bullet?
What bullet?
What are you talking about?
We know Mindy left it here.
Mindy.
The girl from your office?
What has she got to do with it?
The late Miss Vernon
had everything to do with it.
How... late is she?
Permanently overdue.
Obviously this bullet is not
the Lone Ranger's silver bullet.
I'm not sure I
catch your meaning.
There's no intrinsic value.
No.
More, uh... sentimental value.
The bullet has been used.
Very good, Mr. Hart.
The bullet has your name on it.
That's about it.
And somebody found it someplace
where it shouldn't be. Yes.
In the body of an ex-associate.
Uh... You know,
we are due right now
at a dinner party, and
if we don't show up,
they're gonna be very
concerned about us.
[PHONE RINGING]
That's probably
them calling right now,
trying to find out where we are.
And it's a very special dinner
because it's the police
commissioner's 50th anniversary.
Answer it.
Carefully.
Hart residence.
MAX: Hey, Mrs.
H, how's it going?
Um, uh, fine, Max. Just fine.
Things here are
going pretty good too.
I think it's going
to be a long night.
Really?
For us too.
Tell her to hurry it up.
Darling.
We'd better get going.
What is Mr. H saying?
Oh.
That was the television.
But this line doesn't
go into the bedroom.
You're right. No, it doesn't.
Oh, Mr. H took the set
down to the living room.
No.
Well, I'll see you at breakfast.
[CHUCKLES]
I hope so.
[HANGS UP]
KRUGER: Look, I'm not gonna
play games with you people.
It's not in my
nature to be patient.
Mr. Kruger...
we don't know anything
about your bullet.
And if we did,
we certainly wouldn't put
our lives on the line for it.
Honestly.
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
What's that?
JENNIFER: The gate.
Probably the police
commissioner,
wondering where we are.
Ciro.
Yeah?
MAN: Sergeant Cosgrove,
Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
I'd like a few
words with Mr. Hart.
I was close.
Come up.
[♪♪♪]
[PIANO PLAYING CHEERFUL
SONG] [KNOCK ON DOOR]
Oh, uh, good evening. Mr. Hart?
Mr. Hart, I'm Sergeant
Harry Cosgrove, RCMP.
KRUGER: Come in, sergeant.
Jennifer, we have a guest.
Max, did you take
care of that little matter?
Very good.
See to the cars, would you?
I'm sorry to barge in like this,
Mr. Hart, but it is important.
No problem. It
happens all the time.
My wife, Jennifer.
Pleased to meet you.
It's a pleasure.
Uh, please, uh, have a seat.
Would you care for a drink?
Uh, no. No, thank you.
He doesn't have much of a tan
for somebody from sunny
Southern California, eh?
Oh, our chauffer.
Uh, no, he's a bit
of a night person.
Not much fun and sun.
Don't worry, darling.
You know what they
say about the Mounties.
What?
They always get their man.
JENNIFER: Jonathan, look!
Look?
Oh, I'm sorry.
There's a nail
clipper on the desk.
Can you reach it?
Not from here.
Freeway.
[WHISTLES]
Freeway, get the nail clipper
on the desk, boy. Go on.
He doesn't understand you.
We sent him to obedience
school, what did they teach him?
Go on, Freeway.
Go on. Get it, boy.
They didn't teach him
to fetch a nail clipper.
I'll get right down to
business, Mr. Hart.
You might have read in the
newspaper a few weeks ago
about this big drug
bust in Toronto, eh?
No, I can't say
that I caught that.
Did you read
about that, Jennifer?
No, not me.
Interesting,
but what does this
have to do with us?
Just getting to that.
We traced a girl by the name of
Mindy Vernon to your company.
Indeed, I... I don't
believe I know her.
She just started working for
your company about a week ago.
You see, Mr. Hart,
this is what happened.
The head of this big
drug operation in Toronto
was just about to name
his silent partner, eh?
Unfortunately, the silent
partner got to him first.
You... Killed him?
Yes.
We have the gun with
a perfect set of prints,
plus the bullet we
dug out of the body.
[STOPS PLAYING] Ooh.
Oh, pardon me, Mrs. Hart.
It's all right.
[RESUMES PLAYING]
Which is all the evidence we
need to put the suspect away.
Fascinating.
Mm. Isn't it?
Except Miss Vernon worked
for the coroner's office,
and she stole exhibit A.
The gun?
The bullet, Mrs. Hart.
Her one link with
the silent partner.
This... This silent
partner, where is he?
Well, he's not far ahead
of me or Miss Vernon.
You see she and that
bullet are the only things
between him and life in prison.
Any idea who he is?
No, nobody's ever seen him.
Except that he does travel
with a man by the name of Ciro.
Ciro.
Ciro. C-I-R-O.
Hey, just like the old
nightclub on Sunset.
Cyro's?
Wait a minute. I've got it.
Look. If we lift up together,
maybe we can walk over there.
I'm all for doing it together.
Try it on three.
One... two... three. Up.
JENNIFER: A little farther.
Down.
Can you reach it?
A little farther.
One, two, three. Up, up [GRUNTS]
That should do it.
Did you get it?
Got it.
Get it back to me.
Wait a minute,
I'm not a pretzel.
Got it.
I got it. I got it.
Your secretary told me Miss
Vernon brought something
to your house earlier today.
She hasn't been
seen or heard of since.
How mysterious.
[♪♪♪] Isn't it, eh?
I-if you don't mind,
I, uh... I will take a little
quickie on that drink,
if the offer still holds.
Oh, certainly.
Jennifer, would you fix the
sergeant a drink, please?
If I'm not too presumptuous,
Canadian Club and soda?
If you've got it,
yes. Thank you.
Let me just check.
Uh, sweetheart,
I think I see the
Canadian Club over there.
Whoops! Silly me.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, here it is.
[WHISPERS] Freeway!
[SNAPS FINGERS]
Freeway!
He got out. It's too late now.
That Mountie must have a gun.
They'll kill him before
he has a chance to use it.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
I think we can make it.
You think?
[♪♪♪]
[WHISPERING] Can you let
it down a little more, darling?
[GRUNTS]
A little lower.
Just a little more.
Oh, dear.
Oh.
Hi.
[GRUNTS]
[♪♪♪]
Hey, pal. How you doin', huh?
[TOY SQUEAKING]
Is this for me, huh?
So you can
understand our anxiety,
of not only getting in
touch with Miss Vernon,
but the utmost urgency
in getting our
hands on that bullet.
Oh, yes, of course.
[CHUCKLES]
But I've, uh... I've
stayed too long.
Thank you very
much for the drink.
Haven't I stayed too long, huh?
[BARKING] You want this back?
[CHUCKLES]
Is it all right?
Oh, sure. Give it a pitch.
Ready? There you go.
[TOY THUMPS]
He's a cute little
guy, huh? Yeah.
Uh, those pictures on the piano,
good-looking couple.
KRUGER: Oh, yes, uh,
my brother and his wife.
Hm. Well, obviously
you two get along.
I sure wouldn't have
that many pictures
of my brother around
our house. [CHUCKLES]
Especially his wife.
[CHUCKLES]
Ah, Max. There you
are. Everything all right?
Uh, it's been a great
pleasure, sergeant.
Oh, thank you.
I know this is Hollywood,
but does everyone out here
wear dark glasses at night?
[GRUNTING]
Cosgrove ought to
be out in a minute.
We might as well leave
with a police escort.
Looks like our police
escort got a lift of his own.
[WATER SPLASHES]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
All right, I dumped
the body in the lake.
Let's go look for the Harts.
It's impossible. It's too dark.
While you guys were outside,
one of the lights on
that security panel
was just blinking.
That light right there
was blinking like
crazy just a minute ago.
Someone either came
through the gate or over the wall.
No, it's almost a mile
down to that road.
I don't think the Harts
had time to get that far.
L.A. Mobile.
L.A. Mobile?
It's Max.
Wait.
Good evening.
May I help you?
Who are you?
I'm Max.
Oh.
Really?
Well, um... Are the, uh...
Are the Harts home this evening?
No, I'm sorry.
They're out for dinner.
Oh, that's too bad.
Who shall I say was calling?
Oh, just tell them that
Malcolm dropped by.
I'm their interior decorator.
I just came by to discuss
some wonderful new ideas
I had about the
treatment of the windows.
[FREEWAY BARKING]
[BARKING]
Uh, he must smell my dog. Yeah.
There's a lot of dog to smell.
I have an enormous
Russian wolfhound.
Will you please tell the Harts
that Malcolm dropped by?
I'll catch them later. Ta-ta.
Max.
Won't you join us?
[DOOR OPENS]
Harts, I certainly
hope you can hear me.
I have an offer for you
I hardly think you'll
be able to refuse.
You may have noticed that
Max has returned to the fold.
Which does put you
in a bit of a dilemma.
No phone, no car,
much less a
chauffer to drive it.
So...
you've got 10 minutes
to get back in here,
or you better look
around for a new driver.
And remember, I've got my
eye on that security computer.
If I have any indication you're
going over the fence or gate,
well... goodbye, Max.
Ten minutes!
We've got to get back in.
But all the doors are
locked with an alarm.
All except one.
[♪♪♪]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[BRENDA HUMMING]
[TOY SQUEAKING]
[TOY SQUEAKS]
Hm. "Made in Japan."
[TOY SQUEAKING]
Hi, you cute little fella.
Are you playing with your toy?
KRUGER: Brenda!
What do you want?
KRUGER: Brenda!
I'm coming!
Remind me to have the security
people wire Freeway's door.
What now?
It's a little too
crowded in there.
Let's try the back stairway.
And let me have
your bracelet, okay?
Bracelet? Why? Yeah.
A little bait for Brenda.
KRUGER: Watch that alarm.
It's there. Where's it going?
Where did this come from?
Mrs. Hart, you've
got good taste.
Brenda, where you going now?
Do you mind if I powder my nose?
[SIGHS]
Well, time is running out, Max.
Maybe the Harts
haven't been too satisfied
with the way you've been
polishing the car lately.
I can't believe
you're going through
all this trouble
for a lousy bullet.
Bullets are very important.
I even have one here
with your name on it.
You're about to be
demoted to dead.
Aha!
Beautiful. Hm.
Nice.
Very, very nice.
JENNIFER: Tsk, tsk, tsk.
I don't want to
have to use this.
[SIGHS]
Frank?
Frank, are you there?
KRUGER: What do you want?
There's something up
here you really ought to see.
KRUGER: You found the bullet?
No.
It's more important
than the bullet.
KRUGER: More important?
Ciro,
go upstairs and see what
Brenda's babbling about.
Brenda.
Where are you?
BRENDA: In the bedroom.
Brenda?
That's more fun
than I had drinking it.
Won't you have a seat?
Here, use this.
And, uh, darling,
don't forget the nail clippers.
[WHISPERS] Max.
Where are they?
In the kitchen?
Don't even think it, Mr. Hart.
The bullet is mightier
than the sword.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Find yourself a
comfortable chair, Mr. Hart.
Mrs. Hart, perhaps
you'd like to take
Ciro's knife upstairs
and cut him free.
Now!
I assume you didn't do
them in with your sword.
I'm beginning to
feel sorry about that.
Max, why'd you
come home so early?
We got to the dessert,
then she started
talkin' marriage.
Right now, the idea's
beginning to appeal to me.
[TOY SQUEAKING]
[TOY SQUEAKING]
Freeway, enough already!
Thank you, Freeway, Max.
Well, I guess I'll be
running along now, Mr. Hart.
But unfortunately, I can't leave
any evidence behind this time.
Look, what would
it be worth to you
to leave here without...
Without a trace?
But I intend to.
I'm talking about a
whole new identity,
no loose ends.
This was my only loose end.
Well, think about it.
There's got to be
some back-up Mounties
riding behind Cosgrove.
Oh, you're talking about money.
One million dollars.
Tax free.
Cash.
You can put your hands
on that kind of money?
Yeah. A couple of phone calls,
and the vault drawer
tumblers will start dropping.
How can I trust you?
Because I'll fly you
out of the country
in my own personal jet
to any place you want,
as long as I know
that Jennifer is safe,
and that Max is safe.
How can you trust me?
Somewhere over the Pacific,
I'll have Jennifer
contact the aircraft.
And if she's safe,
and Max is safe, fine.
And if they're not, I'll
drop you in the drink.
[CHUCKLES]
I like it.
JENNIFER: Well, I don't!
Jonathan, you...
I won't let you go
with these people.
Darling, it's the only way.
We have no other choice.
I think your husband's
right, Mrs. Hart.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR] What's that?
The front door.
It's Guido, the pizza man.
I turned off the alarm.
Max, get the door.
Ciro, up on the landing.
Mrs. Hart.
Max!
Be careful.
Max, what are you doing here?
Mrs. Hart said that you
were gonna take the night off.
Well, uh,
when I heard they ordered
one of your pizzas, I...
I couldn't stay away.
Hi, Guido. How are you?
Oh, just terrific, Mrs. Hart.
Just terrific. How are you?
Mrs. Hart, excuse me,
I don't want to be rude,
But this is a very small pizza.
For the whole crowd, you know?
We didn't expect this
many people, Guido.
Uh, no, no. You
see, you never know
who's gonna drop by.
GUIDO: Hey,
why don't you let me
call down at the place,
and I order two more
pizzas to take out?
This way you can... No,
that's quite all right,
Mr... Uh, Guido.
We had a late lunch
on the plane coming in.
Oh, you people are
from out of town?
Uh, yes, and we're expecting
to take the next plane out.
GUIDO: Where's that?
Where's what?
The, uh... The out of town?
Canada.
Canada. Canada?
My goodness. That's
up in the North Pole.
Hey, that's a killer.
Too cold for me.
No, no, that's... I...
I got a cousin in Fort Erie.
Do you know where that is?
Oh, sure. I was born there.
Well, I wasn't raised
there. But I was born there.
Okay. Well, then, you must
have heard of his restaurant.
You must have. It's
called Pompeii East.
It's just... KRUGER: Look, uh,
why don't we just settle up?
We still have some
business to get to.
How much is it, Guido?
Seven-eighty, Mr. Hart.
JONATHAN: Why don't you
sign for it, darling?
Sign?
Oh, yes.
I'll just do that,
and I'll put your tip
right here.
But, Mr. Hart, you
never signed before.
Why you wanna sign now?
Your credit's good
enough for me.
Jenny, don't be absurd.
I mean, I'll take care of this.
It's the least I can
do, after having
barged in on you like this.
There you are. Ten dollars.
I'm gonna make change
for you. No. Keep the change.
We'll check your
restaurant out next time.
That's very kind of you.
Good evening to
everybody. You nice people.
[CHUCKLES]
[SCREAMING]
Ooh!
[GUN CLICKS]
[GRUNTING]
Mr. Hart!
This one works. You
mind if I do the honors?
Remember what
I told you, darling?
The Mounties
always get their man.
We'd given you up for dead.
You mean the lake trick?
Before I was a
Mountie, I was a frogman
for Her Majesty's
underwater demolition team.
Best set of lungs in the outfit.
Guido?
Ms. Hart, excuse me.
You remember I
said to you, "$7.80"?
And the nice people
say, "Keep the change"?
He only gave me a $5 bill.
Ey.
[LAUGHS]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Hey, that's terrific, Max.
MAX: I'll say.
She's been married three times.
So she decided to give it up.
Sounds great. I'll see
you in the morning.
Take care. Bye-bye.
My lord?
Ah.
Sake.
Yes.
That's perfect.
Are you aware that they
don't intend to serve dinner
at the party until 10:00?
No, I was not aware.
Domo arigato gozaimasu.
Do itashimashite.
And so...
I have prepared
for us a little snack.
Ah, pizza.
Mm-hm. À la Guido.
Mm.
What more could a
simple samurai ask for?
Pizza, sake, and
you. [CHUCKLING]
Mm, thank you.
I see you brought your
instrument with you.
Yes.
Would you care
to play something?
Your every wish is my command.
[RAVEL'S "BOLERO" PLAYING]
On a scale of one to 10,
you are absolutely
my very favorite.
[LAUGHS]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
NARRATOR: This is my boss,
Jonathan Hart, a self-made millionaire.
He's quite a guy.
This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.
She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.
By the way, my name is Max.
I take care of both of
them, which ain't easy,
'cause when they
met, it was murder.
[♪♪♪]
[WHIMPERS]
[♪♪♪]
JENNIFER: We should
go to Japan more often.
Don't you think it would be fun
if we did a little
bit of redecorating?
You know, put a
few shoji screens
and some grass mats.
JONATHAN: You mean, sleep
on the floor in one of those beds
that have those little
blocks for pillows?
Well, I wouldn't go that far.
No geishas?
We always have Max.
He cuts a mean sushi.
Well, what do you think?
I think we'll be the hit of
Mildred's costume party.
You do, huh?
Give me a little kiss.
Ah. Eh, eh, eh.
What is this?
Oh, I'm not trying to
give you the brushoff.
All you samurai are alike.
It's really easy once you get
the cross-reference system.
Personnel said I'd be
doing secretarial work.
Oh, don't worry, you will.
Everybody starts out this
way and works their way up.
[PHONE RINGING] This
way you get the whole idea
and you learn how
the company runs.
Excuse me.
Mr. Hart's office.
Uh, yes, she is.
Mindy, it's for you.
For me?
Yeah, you can
take it over there.
Hello.
MAN: Hello, Mindy.
I'm so pleased to
have finally found you.
Oh, good morning, Mr. Hart.
Welcome back. How was Tokyo?
Mindy, are you there?
Yes.
We were at your
apartment this morning.
It was disappointing
not to find you in it.
I'll get them right
over to you. Bye.
So we thought we'd drop by
and chat about... things.
[LINE CLICKS]
An hour?
Never mind. I'll
call someone else.
Thank you. Bye.
[SIGHS]
Anything wrong?
No, I'm fine.
[SIGHS] Well, I'm not.
I've got to get these
papers over to Mr. Hart.
He's got a very important
meeting this afternoon.
I could take them.
You could? Yeah.
Would you?
Sure.
[♪♪♪]
DEANNE: Yes, Mr. Connolly.
Right. No problem. Bye-bye.
Hi. Hi.
I was told I could find
Mindy Vernon here.
I'm her sister.
Oh, you just
missed her. I'm sorry.
She took some very important
papers over to Mr. Hart's house.
Oh, darn it.
I came all the way down
from Saskatchewan, Canada.
Oh, well, you're welcome
to wait, if you'd like.
She should be back
in about an hour or so.
Would you excuse me?
I'll be back in a minute.
Feel free.
MINDY: It's Mindy
Vernon from the office.
MAX [OVER INTERCOM]:
Okay. Come on up.
[♪♪♪]
Well, we've come this far.
We can wait a little longer.
[KNOCKING]
Hello, I'm Mindy.
Hi, Mindy, I'm Max. Come on in.
How about a cup
of coffee, Mindy?
I'm just cooking
up a fresh batch.
That would be nice. Thank you.
How do you like it?
Black. Fine.
Make yourself at
home. I'll be right back.
[SIGHS]
[TOY SQUEAKS]
No thanks, I don't really
feel like playing, honey.
[♪♪♪]
It's okay.
[SQUEAKS]
Here you go.
Freeway, stop
bothering the lady.
Oh, he's no bother. Thank you.
Have you got the
papers for Mr. H?
Yes.
Here they are. Oh, thanks.
I'll go see if he's got anything
to go back to the office.
I'll be right back.
[♪♪♪]
Max!
[BARKS]
Hi, Mr. H.
What do you think?
You look great.
There's a young lady
here from the office.
Darling, we've got company.
Oh.
She delivered this,
and she's waiting for
whatever you got to go back.
How do you do?
I'm Jonathan Hart.
This is my wife, Jennifer.
Hello, I'm Mindy Vernon.
How do you do? Would
you like a cup of tea?
No, thank you.
I have some coffee.
They're really a lot of fun.
Yes, I can see that. Yes.
[♪♪♪]
All right, where is it?
Someplace safe.
Did you leave it
with your friends?
You really expect
me to tell you?
I'd rather you did.
You know what a cutting edge
Ciro has to his conversation.
Did you leave it
with that Hart fellow?
[SCOFFS]
If I tell you, you
kill me. Right?
Could be.
In any case, I'm
going to get it.
I have nothing to lose, have I?
Ciro.
Talk to her.
[♪♪♪]
Please, Ciro.
I was always very nice to you.
[CIRO SCREAMS]
We're going to
have to do something
about improving
your personality.
[LAUGHS]
I don't know, Guido,
I'm leaning more toward
a Neapolitan crust.
Ah, then don't lean too close,
or else you'll get sauce on you.
You get it? Huh?
[LAUGHING]
That's a good one.
Okay.
What do you want to put on top?
Oh, you know, the usual.
Onions, green peppers,
extra cheese and anchovies.
And pepperoni, No
pepperoni, Mrs. Hart?
You love pepperoni.
Oh, Guido, how could I forget?
You see, you saved my pizza.
No need to tell you,
the pizza will be delivered
personally by me, Guido.
Thank you. And make it a small.
When do you want it?
Oh. Let's see. It's 5:00 now.
How about around 8?
And please make sure
the anchovies are fresh.
Hey, Mrs. Hart, I only
use 100-year-old fish.
A hundred years old?
Because no anchovy is
worth its salt before that.
You get it?
[LAUGHS] Of course.
Bye-bye, Guido.
Darling, you're
home early. Yeah.
I just talked to Guido.
I told him to deliver
the pizza at 8.
Ah, great. Why don't
you grab a shower,
and I'll open a
bottle of Valpolicella?
Okay. I'll be down
in 20 minutes.
I'll be up in 10.
[LAUGHS]
Now, let's see.
What goes with
Valpolicella and pizza?
Ah.
No, that'll get stains on it.
Mm-hm. Ah! There we go.
That's perfect.
[GASPS]
[♪♪♪]
You're obviously
not the pizza people.
No. We don't deliver, Mr. Hart.
We only pick up.
Put the wine
bottle down, please.
[BOTTLE CLINKS]
What is it that you're
exactly here to pick up?
Who else is in the house?
No one.
Oh, you've forgotten your wife?
You two been
going together long?
Jonathan!
Jonathan!
Oh, darling.
Who are these people?
MAN: Who we
are is not important.
What is important is that
we can do our business
in a very civilized manner,
or we can kill you and
manage without you.
[♪♪♪]
[SQUEAKING]
Get that dog out of here!
Freeway, go on.
I get the feeling you're here
for more than the silverware,
Mister, uh... Kruger.
I'll take the bullet, please.
Bullet?
What bullet?
What are you talking about?
We know Mindy left it here.
Mindy.
The girl from your office?
What has she got to do with it?
The late Miss Vernon
had everything to do with it.
How... late is she?
Permanently overdue.
Obviously this bullet is not
the Lone Ranger's silver bullet.
I'm not sure I
catch your meaning.
There's no intrinsic value.
No.
More, uh... sentimental value.
The bullet has been used.
Very good, Mr. Hart.
The bullet has your name on it.
That's about it.
And somebody found it someplace
where it shouldn't be. Yes.
In the body of an ex-associate.
Uh... You know,
we are due right now
at a dinner party, and
if we don't show up,
they're gonna be very
concerned about us.
[PHONE RINGING]
That's probably
them calling right now,
trying to find out where we are.
And it's a very special dinner
because it's the police
commissioner's 50th anniversary.
Answer it.
Carefully.
Hart residence.
MAX: Hey, Mrs.
H, how's it going?
Um, uh, fine, Max. Just fine.
Things here are
going pretty good too.
I think it's going
to be a long night.
Really?
For us too.
Tell her to hurry it up.
Darling.
We'd better get going.
What is Mr. H saying?
Oh.
That was the television.
But this line doesn't
go into the bedroom.
You're right. No, it doesn't.
Oh, Mr. H took the set
down to the living room.
No.
Well, I'll see you at breakfast.
[CHUCKLES]
I hope so.
[HANGS UP]
KRUGER: Look, I'm not gonna
play games with you people.
It's not in my
nature to be patient.
Mr. Kruger...
we don't know anything
about your bullet.
And if we did,
we certainly wouldn't put
our lives on the line for it.
Honestly.
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
What's that?
JENNIFER: The gate.
Probably the police
commissioner,
wondering where we are.
Ciro.
Yeah?
MAN: Sergeant Cosgrove,
Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
I'd like a few
words with Mr. Hart.
I was close.
Come up.
[♪♪♪]
[PIANO PLAYING CHEERFUL
SONG] [KNOCK ON DOOR]
Oh, uh, good evening. Mr. Hart?
Mr. Hart, I'm Sergeant
Harry Cosgrove, RCMP.
KRUGER: Come in, sergeant.
Jennifer, we have a guest.
Max, did you take
care of that little matter?
Very good.
See to the cars, would you?
I'm sorry to barge in like this,
Mr. Hart, but it is important.
No problem. It
happens all the time.
My wife, Jennifer.
Pleased to meet you.
It's a pleasure.
Uh, please, uh, have a seat.
Would you care for a drink?
Uh, no. No, thank you.
He doesn't have much of a tan
for somebody from sunny
Southern California, eh?
Oh, our chauffer.
Uh, no, he's a bit
of a night person.
Not much fun and sun.
Don't worry, darling.
You know what they
say about the Mounties.
What?
They always get their man.
JENNIFER: Jonathan, look!
Look?
Oh, I'm sorry.
There's a nail
clipper on the desk.
Can you reach it?
Not from here.
Freeway.
[WHISTLES]
Freeway, get the nail clipper
on the desk, boy. Go on.
He doesn't understand you.
We sent him to obedience
school, what did they teach him?
Go on, Freeway.
Go on. Get it, boy.
They didn't teach him
to fetch a nail clipper.
I'll get right down to
business, Mr. Hart.
You might have read in the
newspaper a few weeks ago
about this big drug
bust in Toronto, eh?
No, I can't say
that I caught that.
Did you read
about that, Jennifer?
No, not me.
Interesting,
but what does this
have to do with us?
Just getting to that.
We traced a girl by the name of
Mindy Vernon to your company.
Indeed, I... I don't
believe I know her.
She just started working for
your company about a week ago.
You see, Mr. Hart,
this is what happened.
The head of this big
drug operation in Toronto
was just about to name
his silent partner, eh?
Unfortunately, the silent
partner got to him first.
You... Killed him?
Yes.
We have the gun with
a perfect set of prints,
plus the bullet we
dug out of the body.
[STOPS PLAYING] Ooh.
Oh, pardon me, Mrs. Hart.
It's all right.
[RESUMES PLAYING]
Which is all the evidence we
need to put the suspect away.
Fascinating.
Mm. Isn't it?
Except Miss Vernon worked
for the coroner's office,
and she stole exhibit A.
The gun?
The bullet, Mrs. Hart.
Her one link with
the silent partner.
This... This silent
partner, where is he?
Well, he's not far ahead
of me or Miss Vernon.
You see she and that
bullet are the only things
between him and life in prison.
Any idea who he is?
No, nobody's ever seen him.
Except that he does travel
with a man by the name of Ciro.
Ciro.
Ciro. C-I-R-O.
Hey, just like the old
nightclub on Sunset.
Cyro's?
Wait a minute. I've got it.
Look. If we lift up together,
maybe we can walk over there.
I'm all for doing it together.
Try it on three.
One... two... three. Up.
JENNIFER: A little farther.
Down.
Can you reach it?
A little farther.
One, two, three. Up, up [GRUNTS]
That should do it.
Did you get it?
Got it.
Get it back to me.
Wait a minute,
I'm not a pretzel.
Got it.
I got it. I got it.
Your secretary told me Miss
Vernon brought something
to your house earlier today.
She hasn't been
seen or heard of since.
How mysterious.
[♪♪♪] Isn't it, eh?
I-if you don't mind,
I, uh... I will take a little
quickie on that drink,
if the offer still holds.
Oh, certainly.
Jennifer, would you fix the
sergeant a drink, please?
If I'm not too presumptuous,
Canadian Club and soda?
If you've got it,
yes. Thank you.
Let me just check.
Uh, sweetheart,
I think I see the
Canadian Club over there.
Whoops! Silly me.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, here it is.
[WHISPERS] Freeway!
[SNAPS FINGERS]
Freeway!
He got out. It's too late now.
That Mountie must have a gun.
They'll kill him before
he has a chance to use it.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
I think we can make it.
You think?
[♪♪♪]
[WHISPERING] Can you let
it down a little more, darling?
[GRUNTS]
A little lower.
Just a little more.
Oh, dear.
Oh.
Hi.
[GRUNTS]
[♪♪♪]
Hey, pal. How you doin', huh?
[TOY SQUEAKING]
Is this for me, huh?
So you can
understand our anxiety,
of not only getting in
touch with Miss Vernon,
but the utmost urgency
in getting our
hands on that bullet.
Oh, yes, of course.
[CHUCKLES]
But I've, uh... I've
stayed too long.
Thank you very
much for the drink.
Haven't I stayed too long, huh?
[BARKING] You want this back?
[CHUCKLES]
Is it all right?
Oh, sure. Give it a pitch.
Ready? There you go.
[TOY THUMPS]
He's a cute little
guy, huh? Yeah.
Uh, those pictures on the piano,
good-looking couple.
KRUGER: Oh, yes, uh,
my brother and his wife.
Hm. Well, obviously
you two get along.
I sure wouldn't have
that many pictures
of my brother around
our house. [CHUCKLES]
Especially his wife.
[CHUCKLES]
Ah, Max. There you
are. Everything all right?
Uh, it's been a great
pleasure, sergeant.
Oh, thank you.
I know this is Hollywood,
but does everyone out here
wear dark glasses at night?
[GRUNTING]
Cosgrove ought to
be out in a minute.
We might as well leave
with a police escort.
Looks like our police
escort got a lift of his own.
[WATER SPLASHES]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
All right, I dumped
the body in the lake.
Let's go look for the Harts.
It's impossible. It's too dark.
While you guys were outside,
one of the lights on
that security panel
was just blinking.
That light right there
was blinking like
crazy just a minute ago.
Someone either came
through the gate or over the wall.
No, it's almost a mile
down to that road.
I don't think the Harts
had time to get that far.
L.A. Mobile.
L.A. Mobile?
It's Max.
Wait.
Good evening.
May I help you?
Who are you?
I'm Max.
Oh.
Really?
Well, um... Are the, uh...
Are the Harts home this evening?
No, I'm sorry.
They're out for dinner.
Oh, that's too bad.
Who shall I say was calling?
Oh, just tell them that
Malcolm dropped by.
I'm their interior decorator.
I just came by to discuss
some wonderful new ideas
I had about the
treatment of the windows.
[FREEWAY BARKING]
[BARKING]
Uh, he must smell my dog. Yeah.
There's a lot of dog to smell.
I have an enormous
Russian wolfhound.
Will you please tell the Harts
that Malcolm dropped by?
I'll catch them later. Ta-ta.
Max.
Won't you join us?
[DOOR OPENS]
Harts, I certainly
hope you can hear me.
I have an offer for you
I hardly think you'll
be able to refuse.
You may have noticed that
Max has returned to the fold.
Which does put you
in a bit of a dilemma.
No phone, no car,
much less a
chauffer to drive it.
So...
you've got 10 minutes
to get back in here,
or you better look
around for a new driver.
And remember, I've got my
eye on that security computer.
If I have any indication you're
going over the fence or gate,
well... goodbye, Max.
Ten minutes!
We've got to get back in.
But all the doors are
locked with an alarm.
All except one.
[♪♪♪]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[BRENDA HUMMING]
[TOY SQUEAKING]
[TOY SQUEAKS]
Hm. "Made in Japan."
[TOY SQUEAKING]
Hi, you cute little fella.
Are you playing with your toy?
KRUGER: Brenda!
What do you want?
KRUGER: Brenda!
I'm coming!
Remind me to have the security
people wire Freeway's door.
What now?
It's a little too
crowded in there.
Let's try the back stairway.
And let me have
your bracelet, okay?
Bracelet? Why? Yeah.
A little bait for Brenda.
KRUGER: Watch that alarm.
It's there. Where's it going?
Where did this come from?
Mrs. Hart, you've
got good taste.
Brenda, where you going now?
Do you mind if I powder my nose?
[SIGHS]
Well, time is running out, Max.
Maybe the Harts
haven't been too satisfied
with the way you've been
polishing the car lately.
I can't believe
you're going through
all this trouble
for a lousy bullet.
Bullets are very important.
I even have one here
with your name on it.
You're about to be
demoted to dead.
Aha!
Beautiful. Hm.
Nice.
Very, very nice.
JENNIFER: Tsk, tsk, tsk.
I don't want to
have to use this.
[SIGHS]
Frank?
Frank, are you there?
KRUGER: What do you want?
There's something up
here you really ought to see.
KRUGER: You found the bullet?
No.
It's more important
than the bullet.
KRUGER: More important?
Ciro,
go upstairs and see what
Brenda's babbling about.
Brenda.
Where are you?
BRENDA: In the bedroom.
Brenda?
That's more fun
than I had drinking it.
Won't you have a seat?
Here, use this.
And, uh, darling,
don't forget the nail clippers.
[WHISPERS] Max.
Where are they?
In the kitchen?
Don't even think it, Mr. Hart.
The bullet is mightier
than the sword.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Find yourself a
comfortable chair, Mr. Hart.
Mrs. Hart, perhaps
you'd like to take
Ciro's knife upstairs
and cut him free.
Now!
I assume you didn't do
them in with your sword.
I'm beginning to
feel sorry about that.
Max, why'd you
come home so early?
We got to the dessert,
then she started
talkin' marriage.
Right now, the idea's
beginning to appeal to me.
[TOY SQUEAKING]
[TOY SQUEAKING]
Freeway, enough already!
Thank you, Freeway, Max.
Well, I guess I'll be
running along now, Mr. Hart.
But unfortunately, I can't leave
any evidence behind this time.
Look, what would
it be worth to you
to leave here without...
Without a trace?
But I intend to.
I'm talking about a
whole new identity,
no loose ends.
This was my only loose end.
Well, think about it.
There's got to be
some back-up Mounties
riding behind Cosgrove.
Oh, you're talking about money.
One million dollars.
Tax free.
Cash.
You can put your hands
on that kind of money?
Yeah. A couple of phone calls,
and the vault drawer
tumblers will start dropping.
How can I trust you?
Because I'll fly you
out of the country
in my own personal jet
to any place you want,
as long as I know
that Jennifer is safe,
and that Max is safe.
How can you trust me?
Somewhere over the Pacific,
I'll have Jennifer
contact the aircraft.
And if she's safe,
and Max is safe, fine.
And if they're not, I'll
drop you in the drink.
[CHUCKLES]
I like it.
JENNIFER: Well, I don't!
Jonathan, you...
I won't let you go
with these people.
Darling, it's the only way.
We have no other choice.
I think your husband's
right, Mrs. Hart.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR] What's that?
The front door.
It's Guido, the pizza man.
I turned off the alarm.
Max, get the door.
Ciro, up on the landing.
Mrs. Hart.
Max!
Be careful.
Max, what are you doing here?
Mrs. Hart said that you
were gonna take the night off.
Well, uh,
when I heard they ordered
one of your pizzas, I...
I couldn't stay away.
Hi, Guido. How are you?
Oh, just terrific, Mrs. Hart.
Just terrific. How are you?
Mrs. Hart, excuse me,
I don't want to be rude,
But this is a very small pizza.
For the whole crowd, you know?
We didn't expect this
many people, Guido.
Uh, no, no. You
see, you never know
who's gonna drop by.
GUIDO: Hey,
why don't you let me
call down at the place,
and I order two more
pizzas to take out?
This way you can... No,
that's quite all right,
Mr... Uh, Guido.
We had a late lunch
on the plane coming in.
Oh, you people are
from out of town?
Uh, yes, and we're expecting
to take the next plane out.
GUIDO: Where's that?
Where's what?
The, uh... The out of town?
Canada.
Canada. Canada?
My goodness. That's
up in the North Pole.
Hey, that's a killer.
Too cold for me.
No, no, that's... I...
I got a cousin in Fort Erie.
Do you know where that is?
Oh, sure. I was born there.
Well, I wasn't raised
there. But I was born there.
Okay. Well, then, you must
have heard of his restaurant.
You must have. It's
called Pompeii East.
It's just... KRUGER: Look, uh,
why don't we just settle up?
We still have some
business to get to.
How much is it, Guido?
Seven-eighty, Mr. Hart.
JONATHAN: Why don't you
sign for it, darling?
Sign?
Oh, yes.
I'll just do that,
and I'll put your tip
right here.
But, Mr. Hart, you
never signed before.
Why you wanna sign now?
Your credit's good
enough for me.
Jenny, don't be absurd.
I mean, I'll take care of this.
It's the least I can
do, after having
barged in on you like this.
There you are. Ten dollars.
I'm gonna make change
for you. No. Keep the change.
We'll check your
restaurant out next time.
That's very kind of you.
Good evening to
everybody. You nice people.
[CHUCKLES]
[SCREAMING]
Ooh!
[GUN CLICKS]
[GRUNTING]
Mr. Hart!
This one works. You
mind if I do the honors?
Remember what
I told you, darling?
The Mounties
always get their man.
We'd given you up for dead.
You mean the lake trick?
Before I was a
Mountie, I was a frogman
for Her Majesty's
underwater demolition team.
Best set of lungs in the outfit.
Guido?
Ms. Hart, excuse me.
You remember I
said to you, "$7.80"?
And the nice people
say, "Keep the change"?
He only gave me a $5 bill.
Ey.
[LAUGHS]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Hey, that's terrific, Max.
MAX: I'll say.
She's been married three times.
So she decided to give it up.
Sounds great. I'll see
you in the morning.
Take care. Bye-bye.
My lord?
Ah.
Sake.
Yes.
That's perfect.
Are you aware that they
don't intend to serve dinner
at the party until 10:00?
No, I was not aware.
Domo arigato gozaimasu.
Do itashimashite.
And so...
I have prepared
for us a little snack.
Ah, pizza.
Mm-hm. À la Guido.
Mm.
What more could a
simple samurai ask for?
Pizza, sake, and
you. [CHUCKLING]
Mm, thank you.
I see you brought your
instrument with you.
Yes.
Would you care
to play something?
Your every wish is my command.
[RAVEL'S "BOLERO" PLAYING]
On a scale of one to 10,
you are absolutely
my very favorite.
[LAUGHS]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]