Hart to Hart (1979–1984): Season 2, Episode 12 - Murder in the Saddle - full transcript

It's roundup time at the Harts' ranch, but Jonathan and Jennifer are distracted by dying animals, a rumored chemical spill, and a murder.


NARRATOR: This is my boss,
Jonathan Hart, a self-made millionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.

She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.

By the way, my name is Max.

I take care of both of them,

which ain't easy,

'cause when they
met, it was murder.






Oh, darling.

Isn't it wonderful to land
in your own back yard?

It does beat the view
at LAX, doesn't it? Ahh.

WOMAN: Yeah, and you
don't have anybody like me

who cares waitin' for ya.

[LAUGHING] Oh, Roxy.

What kept ya? I
was gettin' worried.

Jonathan decided to
buzz the Grand Canyon.

That figures. Hey,
where's Freeway?

Oh, Freeway! Come here, baby.


Aw, there he is.

Hey, what about
Maxwell? Didn't he come?

Or did ya have to drop him

in order to clear the
mountains? Ha-ha!

♪ Mamas, don't let your babies ♪

♪ Grow up to be cowboys ♪


That man sure gives new meaning

to the term "drugstore cowboy."


I love it when she's like that.

It means she misses us.

Well, of course I missed ya.

But dadgumit it,

for folks who have the finest
spread in the entire state, ha,

you sure do spend a horrendous
amount of time in that city.

Well, we do that for Max.

You see, he likes to
hang out in delicatessens.

Yeah, look at that.
Not a pastrami in sight.

Roxy... Yeah?

Why'd you bring our horses?

Well, uh, can you think
of a better way for you all

to get back to the ranch house?

Yeah, the truck.

ROXY: Looks like Freeway
can't hold his horses.

Hey, now, Johnny, I don't
want any guff from you.

I'm telling ya, it's
for your own good.

I'm telling ya, Johnny,

roundup time's tomorrow
morning at the crack of dawn.

And you two are gonna need
about as much saddle time

as you can get.

Well, go on, Johnny, get.

Well, Johnny... get.




Last one home does
the lunch dishes!



Why did we ever hire that woman?

Oh, you love it.

Give me a leg up.

Aside from her being the
best foreman in the county...


you just love the
way she bullies you.


Last one to the ranch
house has dishpan hands.


JENNIFER: Anyways,
you wouldn't believe,

I suddenly look back

as we were bouncing
over the Grand Canyon,

and there was Max
with a bag for himself

and a bag for Freeway.


MAX: Cheer up, boss.

I've seen a lot dirtier
dishes in my time.

You would never
see the Marlboro Man

up to his elbow in soapsuds.

Well, the Marlboro Man
wouldn't have come in last.

Keep smiling, pie
face. You're gonna dry.



I'll get that. No,
no. I'll... I'll get it.

Anybody want some more coffee?

ROXY: I'd love it.

Hey, I hope I didn't get

too much mustard
on your sandwich.

Oh, it was great.
Just hit the spot.

Look who's here.

Oh, hiya, Raintree.
Glad to see ya.

Hey, Tom.

How you doing? JENNIFER: Great.

Spotted your plane this morning.

I've got a cold one waiting
with your name on it.

Just a minute. I have a
little "welcome home" present

out here for Jennifer.

For me? Yeah.

Well, don't be shy, Raintree.

Whatever it is, bring it on in.

If you say so.

Get down.

Oh, I love presents.

Will you make him mind me?

Freeway, get out...
Go on over there.




He's beautiful.

Oh, he's great.

His name's Cochise.

The Mrs. and I thought
you might like him.

Ah, you shouldn't have,

but I'm awfully glad you did.

Ooh, you beauty.

Have I got somebody
for you to meet.

Come on over here.

I want you to meet someone.


Look at this, Freeway.

I can see what this is gonna be:

Love at first
sight. Look at this.

MAX: As far as
Freeway is concerned,

he's just an oversized dog.

I got a carrot for you

that's gonna knock
your socks off.

I'll get that cold
one for you. Great.

I heard you finally bought
that ranch you wanted.

After ten years as
a tenant rancher,

it's kind of nice
being an owner.

Congratulations, Tom.
How are you doing?

I got my herd up to 800

of the fattest, happiest
steers you've ever seen.

Hey, I'll get that, Roxy.

I will do the honors, thank you.

Oh, great.

I heard that out-of-towner's
been pressuring you to sell.

Yeah, but like I told him,

he's just wasting his breath.

Someone trying
to buy your ranch?

Yeah, some big city lawyer.

In the past month,
he's made offers

on half the ranches
in the valley.

Anybody selling?

Not to that lawyer they're not.

Let's face it:

The ranchers are
working the spreads

their great-granddaddies
were born on.

And I'm telling you, it's
gonna take a great deal more

than some pasty-faced
flannel mouth

to get 'em to move, right?

I'll drink to that.


Can I help you fellas?

Well, that depends how
accommodating you wanna be.

Well, howdy.


Now what are you gonna do?

Tie him up, what do you think?

I swear, Dudley,
sometimes you remind me

of an old, constipated lap dog.

You really think
this is gonna work?

Now, listen up, fat man.

By the end of this
week, this entire valley's

gonna be sold for
one dime on one dollar.

ROXY: If you guys
soon don't get somethin'

on the other end of that line,

ha, it's gonna be
burgers for dinner tonight.

I'll take burgers
over fish any day.

Hey, Rox, I heard they built

that new chemical plant upriver.

Yeah, some outfit
called, um, Sendrax.

They started operations
a couple months ago.

I thought people around
here would be upset about that.

I don't like that
eyesore up there

more than anybody
else, but, you know,

after reading that
environmental impact statement,

we realized it wasn't
the Three Mile Island

we imagined it to be.

So they run a pretty
clean operation, you mean?

So far they are.

And the EPA is keepin' a
pretty tight rein on 'em too.

Gin. Again? Oh.


Now, I hate to break
up the lawn party,

but you all are trespassin'.

Uh, we own the
next ranch downriver.

Mr. Shellcoff, uh, let us
fish this spot for years.

Oh, well, that was
mighty hospitable of him.

But, you see, he don't
own this spread anymore.

We're mighty well aware
of that, smarty-pants.

Well, we, uh, sure would
like to meet the new owner.


You might be in luck, mister.

'Cause that's him
coming right now.


Now, why don't you
put that thing away.

Afternoon, folks.

Now, hold it. Hold
it. Don't tell me.

You must be my new neighbors.

Or maybe it's the
other way around.

Any old way, Zeke
Baillinger's the name.

And it's my
pleasure to meet you.

Jonathan Hart, Mr. Baillinger.

Call me Zeke, Jonathan.

Only people I'm "Mr." to

are my last two
wives and the IRS.


And this lovely lady
must be Mrs. Hart.

Oh, no, please. Jennifer.

And this is Roxy, Roxy McGuane.


And I'm Max.

My, it sure does me good

to have such a
fine group of people

livin' right next door.

Mr., uh, Shellcoff
used to let us fish

this spot all the time.

I hope you don't mind.

Not an all. Be an honor.

As a matter of fact, you
people can drop your line here

any day of the week.

And you can tell
spoilsport I said so.

Why, thank you, Zeke.

That's very kind of you.

How you doin'?
You caught anything?

Nothing yet.

We haven't gotten any nibbles.


Mrs. H., ya got one.



Well, I guess I spoke too soon.

I'll bet it's a big one.

Some people have all the luck.

Oh, my God.

I'll take it, Mrs. H.

Give him a hand with that.

Pull that way.


JENNIFER: Good morning.


Boy, did I sleep great.

Say, Roxy, did they find out
who that drowned man was?

Well, as I understand, it
was some old prospector

that'd been worki"
up in the hills.

But strange thing
was, he didn't drown.


What do you mean?

Well, I... There was
no water in his lungs.

I called the sheriff
last night to check on it.

But they still don't
know who killed him.

Hey, Roxy, the colt is gone.

I can't find him anywhere.

Where could he have gone?

Oh, he probably just
wandered on down to the river

to keep the strays company.

Uh, we'll pick him
up during roundup

and bring him back to the ranch.

Oh, yeah, we can
go in one direction,

you can go in the other,
and we'll meet in the middle.

Great. See ya.



What's the matter,
darling, you lost your way?

JENNIFER: Isn't that
part of Tom's herd?

What do you suppose killed them?

I wish I knew.



He's still breathing.

We better get him
back to the ranch.

Take it easy, baby.

We'll take care of you.

gonna be all right, doctor?

MAN: It's rather hard
to tell at this point.

I won't know for sure
till the tests get back,

but it looks like PCB poisoning.

JENNIFER: What's that?

Polychlorinated biphenyl.

It's a heat transfer fluid
used in some industries.

That's probably what
killed your cattle too.

And that old prospector
we found yesterday.

There's a good possibility.

I hate to jump to conclusions.

But everything seems
to point to the same fact.

The river's polluted.

But from where?

ZEKE: I can tell you from where.

That colt's been poisoned

by that chemical
company upriver, Sendrax.

They're poisoning
the whole valley.

You sure about that, Zeke?

As sure as I'm standing here,

with about 80 head of
poisoned cattle on my ranch.

That chemical
company's to blame.

Is there any other
operation upriver

that uses something like PCB?

They're the only ones
in the whole county.

Must have gotten a
break in their lines,

unless they're
dumping deliberately.

Roxy, uh... Will you watch out

for Cochise for us?

You know I will, Johnny.

Jennifer and I are gonna
get some water samples.

You can't just go breaking
into a company like that

unless you got some
pretty solid evidence.

Don't waste your time, Jonathan.

All the evidence you
need is lyin' right there.

Don't worry, Zeke.

If those samples prove
that Sendrax is responsible,

we'll shut that
company down so fast,

they won't know what hit 'em.

Go get 'em, you two.


I'm with you every
foot of the way.

JONATHAN: So I figured
we'd take one water sample

up above the plant,

then one every half a
mile or so downriver.

We'll be able to find
the point in the river

where contamination begins.

How did I manage to
snag such a clever fella?

Well, there's a
number of factors.


Hard work, determination,

and, uh, don't forget the
back seat of my 1968 Jaguar.


I'm sorry I asked.



You remembered.

How could I forget?


Well, how much
coal you figure is in

this valley here,
Mr. Baillinger?

Oh, not too much.

About enough to heat
Cleveland for the next 20 years.


I-I thought, uh,
strip-mining was illegal

in this part of the state.

It is, thanks to those liberals.

Once I buy up all the
ranch land around here

and get that new
strip-mining bill passed,

we'll be sittin' pretty.

You mean, you got
politicians on the string?

Val, it does my
heart good to know

that in an age of
windfall profit taxes,

there's still room
for a little free...


Get me those binoculars, Val.

Well, you bet.

Be right back, darling.


ZEKE: Well, our new neighbors.

I figured they'd be along here.

Oh, yeah?

What are they up to?

ZEKE: Takin' water
samples along the river.

That's what they're up to.

If they do that, well...
then they'll know

the contamination ain't
comin' from the plant.

Valman, the scope
of your intellect

fills me with awe.


Ten down and two to go.


I am going to slip
into the wettest bath

and the driest
martini I can find.

All by yourself?

No, uh...

there's this fellow who's
gonna come and join me.

Back this thing up.

Wait a minute.

Look at this.

Now, give it all ya got.

You can find beauty in
some of the strangest places.

You're not kidding.

See, Val?

Gettin' a bonus out
of Zeke Baillinger

don't take much.


Not much at all. Ha-ha-ha.

Let's get out of here.


I'm real generous when
it comes to funerals.



Is that what they mean

about stopping to admire
the flowers along the way?

Do we have any
insurance for avalanches?

I suppose so...

if it was an accident.
What do you mean?

Well, either a 10-ton rock
came out of the clear blue sky,

or someone's trying to kill
two Harts with one stone.


I swear, Bradley, for
most people, money talks,

but in your hands
it is speechless.

Now, in case you
haven't noticed it,

this is a buyer's
market, Bradley, so buy.

You buy.


I turned this valley
into a regular love canal,

and that lawyer of mine

says he can't get
the ranchers to sell.

I guess we'll have to try some
more chemical persuasion.


Yes, Dudley, come in.

Well, the door
was open, and I...

Please, tell me
something I don't know.

Now, did you check on the Harts?

Sure I did, Zeke,
but they weren't there.

What are you talkin' about?

Well, it took me
nearly an hour of diggin'

just to find the truck.

Looked like a house fell on it.

Sure wasn't any bodies inside.

Well, go look for yourself,
you don't believe me.

I knew you shoulda
let me shoot 'em.

Don't worry, you'll
get your chance.

Right now, we've
gotta start working on

that other chemical spill.

And after this one,

every rancher in this
valley will be beggin' to sell.


look. A shooting star.

Are you going to keep
that wish to yourself?

You'll get the benefit of it.

Yeah, well, just make sure

you don't benefit
him out in the streets

and scare the horses.


Hey, Johnny, did you remember

to invite Tom Raintree
to our barbecue tonight?

He told me if he could get away,

he'd ride up along the river.

Can you imagine how he must feel

losing more than a
quarter of his herd

just this morning?

Ooh-wee. That's rough.

Did you invite Zeke Baillinger?


And I'll tell you why.

From the very first time
I laid eyes on that man,

why, he gave me a cold chill

right down the
middle of my spine.


Well, he seemed
very friendly to me.

Maybe. But I don't know.

I was in town today,

and I heard a pretty
weird story about that man.


Well... I ran into an
old buddy of mine,

and he gave me the real lowdown

on how those bull horns got
on the front of Zeke's Caddy.

I thought they came
as standard equipment.

Those horns came off

of a $50,000
prize-winning Brahma bull

that belonged to Baillinger.

That is, until that
poor critter happened

to kick Zeke in the shins

and smattered his
leg all to smithereens.

That explains the limp.

Yeah, but it sure
doesn't explain to me

what happened after that.

Do you know the minute
that Baillinger got out

of the hospital, huh...

well, he personally,
personally cut that bull

into a whole
freezer full of steaks.

You're kidding!

The lord's truth.

And for two months
straight after that,

why, he had that poor
critter every way but poached

till there was nothin'
left except the horns.

And those are the horns that
are on the front of Zeke's Caddy.

What sort of a man
would do such a thing?


Nice of you to
drop by, Raintree.

You're just in time to
play Cowboys and Injuns.

Hey, there, boy.

Well, darling,
what do you think?

Well, I think he's
doing a lot better.

Hey, Cochise,
now, I know this isn't

room service at the Waldorf,

but this is all we've
got, so just take it easy.

Hey! That colt sure looks
a lot perkier this morning.


Boy, honey, look at you.

You aren't even
out of your P.J.'s yet.


Would somebody mind
telling mother superior that,

evidence to the contrary,
we are still on vacation?

Mr. H.

Is that the results
of the water test?

It sure is, boss.

Oh, and, Johnny,
word has it in town

that they found some more cattle

poisoned down by
the river this morning.

They did? ROXY: They sure did.

Darling, we've got to
get that plant closed down

before anything else happens.

Well, that plant may
not be responsible.

What do you mean?

Well, according to this,

the water analysis
that was taken

was taken 10 miles
downstream from the plant.

And that's the spot where
the PCB was spilled?


Let's check that out.

Max, keep your eye

on Cochise for us, will ya?

It'd be a pleasure, boss.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell ya.

That lawyer was in town again

this morning, trying
to buy up ranch land.

Did you get his
name and affiliations?

Not yet, but I got
his license number.

Have the head of
our legal department

check that out, will
ya? You got it, boss.



According to the test results,

the first contaminated sample
was taken just around that bend.

Hey, that looks
like Tom's horse.

Better get the sheriff, Roxy.

He's dead.


Oh, what's taking
that sheriff so long?

Darling, look at these.

Mm? What?

Tire tracks.

Looks like it comes
from a very big truck.

JONATHAN: Yeah, and a
truck with a very heavy load.

And this is the area

where the contamination
first took place.

So maybe someone
brought a tanker down here

and created their
own chemical spill.

Knowing that Sendrax
would take the blame.

Tom probably came upon
'em on his way to Purgatory.


Look at that.

What is that?

A custom-made boot tip.


It's conceivably possible
that the same man

that killed Tom could
have lost that in the process.

You could be right.

The sheriff will be
interested in seeing that.

Sheriff, we found his body
down there in that gulch.

Yeah. That's real bad
what a fall from a horse

can do to a man.


What are you talking about?

He was murdered.


Now, that's a pretty
morbid idea, Mr. Hart.

You got any evidence
to back that up?

Outside of the obvious fact

that the man was
beaten to death, yes!

There are some fresh
tire tracks down there,

by the river,
and that's not all.

Well, those, uh, tire tracks

could have belonged
to anyone, darling.


'Course they could.

Could have been a
rancher, some fisherman.


Sure, and the...
And the tire tracks

could have come from
a recreational vehicle.

Now, you just wait
one little minute!

The sheriff might be right.

You know how dark
it gets out late at night.

And, uh, Tom could
have had a bad fall.

Now, there you go.

Now, don't that make a lot
more sense than murder?

It's making more sense,
sheriff, by the minute.

ROXY: So you think
the sheriff's been workin'

for those lowlifes that have
been poisoning the river?

Sure looks that way.

But what could they
possibly have to gain?

Land, darling. Land.
Whoever's behind this scheme

wants to buy up
the entire valley

and real bad, for some reason.

So bad that they're...

Well, they're willing to
destroy it to close the deal.

So that lawyer in town
might be the purchasing agent

for the same people.

Now, all we have to do is
to find out who "they" are.


Oh, I think I hear Max comin'.

I sure hope he's
got some answers.

MAX: Mr. H?

Yeah, we're in here, Max.


I got some interesting
news for you, Mr. H.

I traced the license
number of that lawyer's car.

It's owned by a car
rental agency in Durango.

Lucky for us, he
used a credit card.

The credit card was issued

to a company called
Western Mutual,

which is the real
estate division

of a petrograph corporation

based in Giddings, Texas.

Where does all
this lead us, Max?

Right to your next-door
neighbor, Mr. H.

Both companies are
owned, lock, stock, and barrel,

by Zeke Baillinger.

Let's check that out.

Be careful.


What's the trouble,
Dudley? You look worried.

I don't like it, Zeke.

Them Harts is getting
too close for comfort.

Well, now, don't go worrying
about our new neighbors.

Thanks to Val here,

before the night is out,

the Harts will be closing escrow

on an unmarked grave.

Yeah! Return to sender. Get it?


Look at that!

Zeke's got the
law in his pocket.

That must be the truck they
use to transport the chemicals.

Let's take a look in the house
and see what we can find.

So this is why
Baillinger is so interested

in getting hold of ranch land.


Here's a plan to
strip-mine the entire valley.

Look at that.


I thought strip-mining
was illegal.

It is at the moment, but
there's an upcoming bill

in Congress to lift the ban.

It doesn't have
much of a chance.

Unless you know
the right people.

JONATHAN: What's that?

Records of payments
to two senators.

So Zeke planned to buy
himself a couple of swing votes.

Well, now, isn't this an
unexpected pleasure?

Well, you know what they say,

"Mi casa es su casa."

Now, is that Spanish for
"Prepare to meet thy maker"?

I think something
was lost in translation.


Why don't you two just
get over there and sit down

and make yourselves comfortable.

A couple of my boys will be
slithering along in a minute,

and then we'll all
take a nice, long ride

out on the range.

We'd prefer to
take a rain check.

Now, get over
there and sit down!

This is quite a future
you've got planned

for the valley.

Yeah, thanks to
those jokers in OPEC,

coal is making a
real big comeback.

And believe it or not,

there's more than
$250 million of it

lying right beneath this valley.

Just waiting for
someone like you.

Well, when the going
gets rich, the rich get going.

'Course I had to bump off
a few people along the way

and a mess of cattle,

but $250 million is a
mighty worthy cause.

Mighty worthy.

You might find
this hard to believe

under the circumstances,

but before the day
is over, Baillinger,

you're gonna be
sorry you climbed out

from underneath your rock.

You know, Jonathan,
for a dead man,

you got a lot o' spunk!

VAL: Mr. Baillinger.

Yeah, in here!





Don't just stand here. Let's go!

You okay?

Okay. Let's go.


Try that with a car.


Determined, aren't they?

Hey, we're sitting
ducks out here.

We gotta find some cover.

We'll never make it
back to the ranch house!

That ghost town,
Purgatory, is just east of here.

Let's go!

He's still coming.


You go inside, and
when the boys show up,

you come out, make an entrance,

and flash them one
of those great, big,

beautiful backroom smiles.



I'm gonna cruise around.

Now, I don't care if
they're alive or dead

or just plain crippled.

I want 'em.




Hey, I'm sorry,
it's out of tune.

You know, he's not nearly
as ugly when he's asleep.

Well, let's just
leave him that way.

Do you have another
whistle left in you?

I think so.



Two down, and one to go.


He's still by the car.

Shall we spoil his day?

Why not?

You go over by
that boarding house,

and I'll sneak up
on him from the rear.


Watch yourself.

You too!

It's all over, little lady.

Now, let's just get over
there against that wall.


I got your wife!

Now, I'm gonna give
you exactly 10 seconds

to give yourself up!

Otherwise, you can kiss
the little lady goodbye!



You hear me, Jonathan?



Five seconds gone, Jonathan.

Six. Seven.



Jonathan, get out of that car!


Well, it looks like that
Brahma bull had the final say.

Yeah, as far as
Baillinger's concerned,

I think he made his point.



ROXY: Doggone it!

I just can't understand
why in the world

you can't extend your
vacation just a little longer.

Let's face it. All that world,

that city of yours has to
offer is tow-away zones

and stage three smog alerts.

Well, I'm afraid
it's Max's fault.

You see, he starts to
get withdrawal symptoms

every time he spends a
week away from the pavement.

I can't help it. I'm
an urban cowboy.


Well, Johnny, it's for sure,
you're leaving the valley

in a lot better shape
than ya found it.

I hope your river will be okay.

Oh, that reminds me.

I talked to the state
water board this morning.

And they assured
me that within a month,

everything's gonna be okay.

Oh, and, Johnny,
You... You'll be sure now

to keep me posted
on that strip-mining bill.

Oh, don't worry, Roxy.

As soon as our
testimony is heard,

that bill will be about
as popular in Congress

as a slush fund.

The same goes for
those two senators

that were on
Baillinger's payroll.



What's that?

Must be Freeway.

You know how nervous
he gets before he flies.

Well, Roxy, uh,
we better get going.

You take good care of
Cochise for us, will ya.

You know I will, Johnny.

I can hardly wait till
the next time we visit

to see how much he's grown.

Yeah, me too!

Well, have a safe
journey home, you hear?

Yeah, we will.

What is that?

It's coming from the
baggage compartment.


It must be Freeway.


I'll go get him.


Aw, Mr. H.

Ain't that cute?

Freeway wants to take him home.

Whose idea was that?

Freeway's. Oh, sure.

Uh, listen, Max, uh,
since Freeway's English

is a little choppy,

would you mind telling me

how we're gonna take care
of a year-old colt at the house?

We'll fix up the guest room.

Oh, woo!