Hart to Hart (1979–1984): Season 1, Episode 10 - With This Gun, I Thee Wed - full transcript

This is my boss, Jonathan Hart.
A self-made billionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.

What a terrific lady.

By the way, my name is Max.

I take care of them, which ain't easy...

'cause their hobby is murder.

Tommy, I know the Dodgers
are out of it, but are you in?

What the hell good is four out of seven?

No wonder you lost to the Yankees.

I fold.



-Same.
-What have you got?

-Aces full.
-I'm ruined.

-Isn't that pretty?
-I got burnt.

Look at that lovely pot.

-What's the name of the game?
-Cut them.

-Here, Mr. H.
-Oh, thanks.

-Did you find that on the last card?
-When you're hot, you're hot.

Five-card draw.

We've been invited to a wedding
in Monte Carlo.

Really? Whose?

-Niki Stephanos.
-No kidding.

-Big time.
-Very big money.

Didn't you once have
a thing with her, Jonathan?

No, she and Mr. H were just good friends.



They were more than just friends, Max.

He explained the whole thing to me,
didn't you, darling?

-Is anybody gonna play?
-Come on. Ante up.

That's strange.

-Are you in, Jonathan?
-Sure.

She's marrying Alexander Constantine.

-So what's so strange?
-No, thanks, Max.

He was her father's right-hand man.

She couldn't stand him.
She used to call him Old Steely Eyes.

Well, people change.

I'll open.

I haven't seen Niki for seven years.

I'll call.

Why would they send
a cable instead of an invitation?

Jonathan, are you in?

And why would they send it
four days before the wedding?

-Jonathan.
-No, I'm out.

And why hasn't there been word one
about this in the newspaper?

I mean, this is a big wedding.

What is this? Multiple choice? I'm in.

Me, too. Cards, folks?

Yeah, please give me three.

Two.

-I'll stand pat.
-We better start packing.

Jonathan, not now.

Look, darling, there's something going on,
and I'm gonna find out....

Maybe we'd better stay a while.

If you keep winning like that,
you're not gonna be invited to play.

How can they not invite me to play?
It's my house.

You don't understand.
I'm not going to invite you.

Sore loser.

You want me to make it up to you?

It's a pleasure to welcome you both
to Monte Carlo again.

Thank you very much, Charles.
How's your family? Well?

Oh, fine. Thank you very much, Mr. Hart.

By the way, I have reserved
for you the honeymoon suite...

as you requested.

Charles, after four years,
do you think we still qualify?

As far as I'm concerned.

-Darling.
-Niki, Theo.

We'll be along in a minute,
Charles. Thank you.

-Niki, it's wonderful to see you.
-You look marvelous, Jonathan.

Thank you. Niki, this is Jennifer.

After all Jonathan's told me,
I feel I know you already.

So nice to finally meet you, too.

And that is Theo, little brother.
What happened to you?

A small accident.

Tell me, what brings you to Monte Carlo?

-I beg your pardon?
-What are you doing here?

You are the Niki Stephanos
that's being married on Saturday?

Yes, just a small affair.

Family and a few close friends.

In that case, we feel even more flattered
that you included us.

-But we never--
-It wouldn't be the same without you.

-You did invite us.
-Of course.

I've just spent so much time
denying everything to the press lately.

You know how it is.

I'll call you tomorrow.
We must get together. Come, Theo.

Was it something I said?

I think it's something she didn't say.

Darling, how welcome
do you think we are at this wedding?

Good question.

You know...

Niki is very attractive.

You want to finish that thought?

Well, it's just strange
meeting the competition.

She never even played in your league.

Don't go away.

I'll be right back.

Don't be frightened.

Jonathan, go to the bathroom.

-I don't have to go to the bathroom.
-Yes, you do.

I do?

Mr. and Mrs. Hart?

-I'm here for an urgent reason.
-There's one downstairs.

Forgive me for hiding in there,
but the hotel is not safe for me.

Alex Constantine has people everywhere.

-Alexander Constantine?
-Oui.

It was I who sent you the cable.
The wedding must be stopped.

-Excuse me, but who are you?
-I am Paul Villon.

Until a month ago, I was Niki's fiancé.

We love each other.
She does not love him.

-Him?
-Alex Constantine.

Oh, yes.

Niki is my life. I would not have risked
offending her, by inviting you here...

if I were not positive that she loves me.

Why did you invite us here?

She talked of you so much.
She trusts you, respects you.

If anyone can find out why
she is doing this, it is you.

-Paul Villon?
-Oui.

Paul, people do change their minds.

Perhaps she really is in love
with Alex Constantine.

Oh, no.

From the moment
she decided to marry him...

Niki sees no one. Speaks to no one.

I begged her to tell me the truth.
She refuses to speak even to me.

I think that Niki is in danger. Great danger.

If I could prove to you
that the marriage must not take place...

then would you help me?

-We would.
-Thank you.

If I find out more, I'll contact you.

The message will be from
"your Cousin Paul."

I shall leave by the service entrance.

Be careful. If Alex Constantine finds out
we've spoken, you could be in danger.

Believe him?

Well, why would he go
to all the trouble of inviting us...

if he wasn't telling the truth?

Oh, I don't know. Niki is one of
the richest women in the world.

If I was going to waltz her
down the aisle...

I'm not sure whether
I wouldn't call out all the troops.

-Did you order that?
-Did you?

With my compliments, Jonathan...

to welcome you and your lovely wife
to Monte Carlo.

-Hello, Alex.
-You look very fit, Jonathan.

The years have obviously
been kind to you.

My name is Alex Constantine,
Niki's fiancé.

How do you do? Won't you sit down?

Well, I mustn't stay, but Niki asked me
to call upon you. She felt that...

perhaps this morning she wasn't
as welcoming as she might have been.

No, not at all.

I gather there was some confusion
about your invitation to the wedding.

Yes, you might say that.

It's only going to be
a very small affair, you understand.

No publicity. Just a few close friends.

I must confess that I had hoped to
surprise Niki with your presence.

You see, I sent you the invitation.

I mailed it to you without her knowledge.

But we should be extremely disappointed
if you're not at the wedding.

We're awfully glad to get the mystery
of the invitation solved, aren't we, darling?

I expect it was something
of a surprise to you, Jonathan, that...

Niki finally yielded to my entreaties.

Yes.

It certainly was a lesson in persistence.

Yes, well, Niki is not the person
that you knew, you understand.

She's become very grown up now.
Much more mature.

She has her own set of values.

Indeed, we look forward
to a very long and successful marriage.

Cheers.

Well, I must be off.

Mrs. Hart, if there's anything I can do
to make your stay...

in Monte Carlo more agreeable,
please don't hesitate to call upon me.

Thank you very much.

-Goodbye.
-Au revoir.

-Jonathan.
-Alex.

I wonder how many other people
are gonna claim...

they sent us that invitation?

You weren't exactly...

overly friendly to Mr. Constantine.

There never was
a lot of love lost between us.

What is this? Camouflage?

Well, it's spring...

south of France, beautiful day...

beautiful lady, and I love you.

You're so romantic.

I wonder where Paul is.

Frankly, I don't care if he is a little late.
I'm having such a lovely time.

Well, he said he'd be here around 3:00.
There he is.

John.

Jonathan.

It looks like Alex has started
to play for keeps.

If that's what Paul gets
for trying to talk to us...

what do we get for trying to listen?

Well, the police couldn't have been nicer...

but they said there are so many
Fiats in town...

that without a license number
there's nothing they can do to help.

You suggest they question Alex?

They didn't seem too eager to offend him.

Yes, Mademoiselle Niki Stephanos,
please. Jonathan Hart.

Yes, the same one.

Well, when she can come to the phone...

would you please ask her to call me
at the Excelsior Hotel? Thank you.

Unavailable?

Very unavailable.
I have got to get to see her somehow.

How are you gonna manage that?

Alex must have her guarded
better than the Bank of France.

Luckily, I packed my climbing shoes.

The princess is captive in the tower.

What else can a knight
in shining armour do?

If I'm not back in an hour,
you call the gendarmes.

Hey, boss. Don't get a chink in your armour.

Good evening, Truneau.

Sir, there was a call from Paris.

The Cardinal will not be in
until the morning of the wedding.

See that arrangements are made for him.

Jonathan.

-I was in the neighborhood.
-You haven't changed, have you?

Capri, '71.

The paparazzi were driving us crazy,
trying to get pictures of us. Remember?

So you came in through the window
while they waited downstairs in the lobby.

-We had them fooled for two whole weeks.
-Yes, we did.

Who are you fooling now, Niki?

-No one.
-Come on. Straight.

You can't be serious about this wedding.

-That's not very flattering, Jonathan.
-Flattery is for flatterers.

I'm a friend, remember?

Alex has been with the Stephanos family
for over 30 years.

He's been loyal and devoted.

Well, then give him a gold watch.

But don't give him yourself.

My parents are dead.
Someone has to run the companies.

Alex....

-I respect him. I admire him.
-Tell me you love him.

-What makes you so sure that I don't?
-Paul Villon.

Paul was an escapade. A diversion.

-Then why was he kidnapped?
-My God.

-Did Alex take him?
-I don't know.

Come on, Niki, you can tell me.
I can help you.

Then stay out of it, please.

If you do, Paul will be safe.
It's the only thing I care about.

Now that sounds like love.

Except for you,
men have always looked at me...

as though I were a bank account.
Until Paul.

He loved me,
not the money, not the power.

-Then why marry Alex?
-It's the only way I could....

It doesn't matter.

-I am going to marry him.
-Niki.

Jonathan.

Trust me.

So that's it? You're a one-man woman?

And that man is Alexander Constantine?
Is that what you're trying to tell me?

-Jonathan.
-What....

Alex...

I hope you won't misunderstand. I'm....

Can't blame a man for trying.

And what am I supposed to do?

Go along with this charade?
Play the outraged fiancé?

-Do I strike you as a fool, Jonathan?
-Hardly.

What are you doing here?

I'm trying to figure out why Niki
is going through with this marriage.

For the usual reasons.

Love, affection...

mutual trust.

Alex, I don't play the fool
any better than you do.

I am very well aware of that.

I can find my way out.

See that Mr. Hart
is given every courtesy at his hotel.

Obviously Alex is holding
something against her.

You mean something in her deep,
dark past? Like you, maybe?

-Isn't that enough?
-Hart?

-I'm Jonathan Hart.
-Telephone.

-I'll take it in my room.
-Telephone.

Telephone.

I'll be right back. Wait here.

Somehow I have a feeling
this call is gonna be collect.

-Come with me, Monsieur.
-I'm sorry. My dance card is filled.

I'll take a club, à la Carte.

The pâté! Not the pâté!

He's right. Not with the white wine.

Jonathan?

No!

Beef Wellington.

No! That's enough! Not the béarnaise!

Gentlemen, give that man the cheque.

frankly, I'd feel more comfortable
at a Shriner's convention.

Well, you'd look cute with the hat on.
Especially with what you're wearing now.

-Move your foot.
-Sorry.

Look, we are cordially
not invited to this shindig...

-so why don't we just go home?
-What?

And miss who's gonna catch the bouquet?
Not on your life.

Exactly. Not on my life and not on yours.

Well, I don't know about you, but
I'm just beginning to have a good time.

All right. We have a perfectly wonderful
kitchen of our own.

I'll tell you you're wanted
on the telephone...

and then I'll hit you
with a chocolate mousse.

I like your strawberry tarts better.

I'm serious. We are in danger here.

Okay. We'll give Niki one more chance.

If she doesn't level with us,
we'll take the hint, we'll pack our bags...

-and we'll kiss the bride goodbye.
-Lightly on the cheek.

Any place you say.

Good.

Jonathan, move your foot.

Sorry.

Niki.

You said you wouldn't interfere.

-We won't, but we do want to help.
-You can't.

-Are you sure?
-Positive.

Well, we tried.
We'll be checking out today.

Believe me, that's best for everyone.

Go to St. Tropez and lie on the beach.
Make wondrous love.

We didn't mean to meddle.

It's only that marriage
is such an important choice.

I know that.

Your father was a good man.

I had a great deal of respect for him.
I was proud to have him as my friend.

And I loved him very much, Niki.

It hurts me to see this happening to you,
to his daughter.

Goodbye, Niki.

Goodbye.

Wait!

If I don't marry Alex, my brother
will go to prison for a long time.

What?

Six weeks ago, Theo was at a party.
He had too much to drink.

The host wanted to call a taxi
but he insisted on driving himself home.

He drove into a tree.

The accident.

When his car went off the road,
it hit two women.

One of them was killed.

Alex was following behind Theo.

He got there before the police did,
and took care of things.

At first I blessed him for it.

Then about a week later,
he came to me and proposed again.

-At first I didn't understand.
-But he made things more clear.

You either marry him,
or Theo goes to prison.

Now you can understand.

Theo is my brother. The last of my family.

I love him.

And I promised my father
that I would look after him.

Does Alex stand to get a share
of the Stephanos empire when you marry?

He's forcing me to sign an agreement.

Once the marriage takes place,
he has control of everything.

So you see, there is nothing you can do.

I don't know.

There's still a little time
before the wedding.

Please understand. The two men I love...

Theo and Paul, will be destroyed
if I don't go through with this.

Trust us, Niki. Will you do that?

Just trust us.

Did you have a pleasant afternoon?

-I visited my father's grave.
-You saw the Harts.

-Alex, I'm very tired.
-Now you listen to me, Niki.

You stay away from the Harts
until after the wedding.

Unless you want something
unpleasant to happen to them, too.

You understand me?

Yes, I understand.

Yes, this is Roddy Eastminster.
Sir Roddy Eastminster.

Yes. But you needn't trouble yourself
about that. No, not at all.

Yes, I'd like to speak to Mr. Stephanos.
Theo, that is. Yes.

Well, is he about? Oh, thank you. That
would be very kind of you. Very kind, yes.

It's a good thing you're not impersonating
the Chinese ambassador.

Do I badmouth your Streisand?

Oh, is that right?

Well, when he does come back, would you
ask him to meet me in the Boix Royale?

I'll see him there this afternoon. Yes,
that's very kind of you. Very kind of you.

That's Eastminster. Roddy Eastminster.

Sir Roddy. You're naked
without your "sir," you know that?

Of course, I knew it was you.

Who else could this
Sir Roddy Eastminster have been?

It's good to see you smiling again.

Lately there has been little reason to.

I should have gone
to the police right away.

But I was frightened.

And the longer I waited,
the harder it became. And, now...

one woman dead, another crippled...

my sister forced into a marriage
she doesn't want.

It is wrong. I must let the truth be known.

If it is the truth.

I was there.

But you don't remember anything.

No, not after I left the party.

When was that, exactly?

Maybe 2:00, maybe 3:00.

That hour of the morning?

A country road? Two women on it?

Who were they?

The one who died was...

Marie Sagan, a tourist from Geneva.

Her friend, the one who was crippled...

is Janine Duval. She is a....

She was a dancer.

And she agreed to remain silent.

Yes, Alex and his money...

can be very persuasive.

Why don't we see how persuasive
Mr. Constantine was?

I bear no grudges.

I tell myself, this was my fate.

Perhaps it was meant to be.

But surely you want more than just this.

It's sufficient for my needs.

I prepare my own food.
I listen to my music.

Sometimes I dream of dancing again...

but I know it is only a dream.

-Would you care for some wine?
-Thank you.

Mademoiselle 0uvaI...

we lied to you when we said
we were friends of the Stephanos family.

Actually, we're business acquaintances.

Competitors, if you like.

Why did you lie to me?

To gain your confidence.

It's worth millions to us
to destroy the Stephanos interests.

If you could tell the police
the truth about Marie Sagan's death...

the Stephanos family would be ruined.

I told you, I bear no grudges.

What's worth millions to us...

could be worth a great deal to you.

I do not understand these things.

I know nothing of wealth, Monsieur.

You think about it.
We'll be at the Hotel Excelsior.

Call anytime.

-What do you think?
-I'm not sure.

I'll see what more I can find out about her.

Why don't you look into
the tragic death of Marie Sagan?

Do all the Swiss Insurance
companies employ...

such attractive young investigators?

Well, I really wouldn't know.
I never attend any of the conventions.

What exactly do you wish to know
about Marie Sagan?

-What did she die of?
-Internal injuries.

-Specifically?
-Are you sure you want to know?

Yes, please.

Thank you.

-May I take one of these?
-Yes, of course.

The nurse that was on duty that night,
may I talk to her?

She no longer works at this hospital.

-The doctor in charge, then.
-He is at a seminar, in Brussels.

A very long seminar, I assume.

Very.

Thank you so much.
You've been terribly helpful.

My pleasure.

Take a look at this.

Notice anything strange?

Look again. Her hair.

For someone who's just been hit by a car,
she's immaculately groomed.

Whoever posed for this
wanted to look their best.

Don't we all?

I talked to Geneva
before I spoke to the doctor.

There are no recent burial records
of a Marie Sagan.

Also no birth records.

In fact, there are no records at all.

-As though she never existed.
-The thought did cross my mind.

-What about Janine?
-She was a dancer...

with the local ballet company.
Opening night she got three dozen roses...

from Mr. Constantine.

The next day, at the matinee,
she never showed up.

Good old Alex.

Yeah, he's the regular Flo Ziegfeld
of Monte Carlo.

You see a pattern beginning to form?

Yes, but it's still a little theoretical.

We'll test that theory.

See why Miss Duval made
such a sudden retirement from the stage.

Do not move, Monsieur.

-It's becoming more fact than theory.
-Drive carefully, Mr. Hart.

You have a long way to go.

I'm beginning to wish we'd been wrong.

Let me ask you something.
Is this place on the American plan?

A word of caution, Mr. Hart.
He has orders to kill.

And he's excellent at following orders.

Frightened?

With you?

Never.

Just look at this place.

-Paul.
-My friends.

One of these days
I'm gonna see you and not scream.

-How are you?
-I could use some fresh air.

-I shouldn't wonder.
-I am sorry to have brought you to this.

-How is Niki?
-She's fine.

She's not happy, but she's safe.

What were you gonna tell us that day
they grabbed you in the park?

When I left your hotel that morning,
I saw Alex Constantine.

He was alone,
without his usual bodyguards.

That made me curious, so I followed him.

He went to a house in the Rue Picard.
He let himself in with his own key.

-Does that house belong to a woman?
-Yes.

-Called Janine Duval?
-Yes!

Theory confirmed.

A lot of good it's gonna do us down here.
That wedding is tomorrow afternoon.

Help!

Help me, please!

Help. He hit his head. Please, help. Please!

-It is a trick.
-No, I promise you. He's hurt.

Please, look at him. Help me.

Against the wall.

He's bleeding.

I will see, but not close.

I know what you are planning.

I bend over him, he hits me.
I will not let this happen.

-But he's hurt, you can see that for your--
-Against the wall.

And no trick. I know them all.

-I think the wine went to his head.
-It's a long way back to Monte Carlo.

We have to move quickly
if we are to stop the wedding.

Stop it? After all this trouble
Alex has gone to?

Inviting all his friends.

And having a Cardinal officiate.

-I'm a sucker for weddings.
-So am I, aren't you? Let's go.

-Mr. Constantine.
-Thank you, Truneau.

-Blessings on this joyous day, my son.
-I was worried about you.

Yes, an unfortunate misunderstanding.
I thought I was meant to wait at my hotel.

Well, now you're here.
That's all that matters.

Would you care for a glass of champagne?

Well, I don't usually,
but considering the occasion.

I hope you feel some shame.
Taking me from my own house.

I know, Alex. I know.
You wanted to have a small wedding...

but I thought
there was room for one more.

As usual, I find your taste appalling.

Who is this man?

A former suitor of my fiance’s. An intruder.

My son, look deeply into your soul...

and do not spoil this sacred moment.

On the contrary, Your Eminence,
I can hardly wait for it to begin.

And now...

if there be anyone here present
who knows why these two...

should not be joined together
in holy matrimony...

let him speak now,
or forever hold his peace.

I now pronounce you man and wife.

Don't look so sad. I'll be all right.

Now are you satisfied?
Will you take me home?

Certainly.

But first I thought
you might like to have a swim.

What's this? What did he do?

Did they schedule a baptism, too?

She needs help.
Somebody come to rescue her.

Help me!

Just a minute, Alex, now, just relax.
She must learn self-reliance.

Help me, please!

What's Jonathan doing?

Trying to prove something.

-I hope we didn't make a mistake.
-The truth, Janine.

That's all. Just tell us the truth.

The worst you could get
is a couple of years.

You must admit that
that's better than drowning.

Devil!

She's got a heck of a kick, doesn't she?

It's all your fault, Monsieur Big.

Everything was going to be so wonderful.

Amazing recovery.

She wasn't injured in the accident?

Theo, she was nowhere near the accident.

-And there is no Marie Sagan.
-There never was.

The only person that you injured
that night of that accident, was yourself.

The women at this party
are absolutely fabulous.

Excuse me.

Where did you get him?

His booking agent said that he did
a couple of seasons...

-at the Comédie Francaise.
-Where? In the bar?

Jonathan.

Have you and Jennifer done
what I think you've done?

Your marriage has just been annulled.

You're outrageous. Both of you.
And I love you for it.

Excuse me for a second.

Now you listen to me, Hart.

If you think you can possibly
get away with this...

you're very much mistaken.

Alex, we've spent an unforgettable
few days here in Monte Carlo.

We've been assaulted, abducted...

and in more than one way, aggravated.

But I want you to know one thing.

If I ever hear of you doing anything...

anything to Niki, Paul or Theo...

you'll answer to me.

I'll say your farewells.

You have no idea, how happy I am
that you tried that.

Why did we go through
with the wedding at all?

Because we needed more time.

And you'd gone through all of this trouble
to make these preparations.

-Darling, look who's here.
-And not a moment too soon.

Paul, I was so worried about you.

-Is everything all right, Jonathan?
-Yes, it is, Your Eminence.

And thank you very much for trusting me.

My. What kind of a Cardinal
can't hold the grape?

Jonathan, thank you
for not listening to me.

What a shame to cancel the party.

I mean, you've got all the guests,
the champagne, the cake...

and the real Cardinal.

And a man to marry
for all the right reasons.

-I think that's a lovely idea.
-Me, too.

I love happy endings.

Yeah, because then everybody gets
what they deserve.