Hart to Hart (1979–1984): Season 0, Episode 0 - Hart to Hart - full transcript

- May I help you?
- Jonathan Hart.

He's not in at the moment. I'll call you back.

- Jonathan Hart.
- Sir....

Mr. Hart doesn't see anybody
without an appointment.

Jonathan Hart.

- Hey, Jonathan.
- Mr. Werther, please.

It's all right, Ms. Dollins.
This is Mr. Jonathan Hart.

Thank you very much.

Oh, my God!

- Want to sit here?
- No, I want you to sit there.

Sorry. I'm late again.



Your board of directors
sends their warmest regards.

- Busy day?
- Not bad.

But you might want to look at...

our current financial statement
compared to last quarter.

We're up 8.7%.

If it hadn't have been for the coal strike,
9, maybe 10.

Say, Marcus, there's a fellow called
Charles Bidwell.

He's the head of our electronic division.

He is doing a terrific job
and I think he deserves a raise.

- You know, you floor me, Jonathan.
- Yeah? How's that?

I didn't know that you took the time
to read everything I send you.

I don't mind the reading now.
It's just the writing it out I can't stand.

When are you going to come back
and take over full time, Jonathan?

You'd be amazed at our growth.
I mean, with only half your interest....



Well, like the man said,
to make $5 into $10 is impossible.

But to make $5 million into $10 million,
that is inevitable.

It's not quite that automatic
with all companies.

That's why I put you in that chair.
It fits you. You belong in it.

I appreciate that, Jonathan. But I miss you.

- Take it easy.
- See you.

It's him. He's here. Hello, Mr. Hart.

- How long have you been my secretary?
- A little over a month.

- Do you like it here?
- It's okay.

- Are you doing a good job?
- Yeah. Fine.

Keep it up.

- Mall's on the table, Mr. H.
- Thanks, Max.

Freeway. It's me, old fellow.

It's me, old boy. Good dog.

That's for you, Max. Sit down.

Lt. Moss called to say thanks.

They found the missing Rembrandt?

Right where you left it for him, Mr. H.

It's from Mrs. Hart.
All the way from Paris, France.

My wife is sending you telegrams?
Max, is there something I should know?

Yes. You should know that the tenth
is her mother's birthday.

She thought you might like
to take her to dinner.

- And then she said she missed me, right?
- No.

Then she says
I shouldn't forget to take the D-O-G...

down to the V-E-T for his S-H-O-T.

Max, you don't really think that he can....

And then she said she missed me, right?

No. Then she says she's flying
to Monte Carlo tonight for a party.

She'll call you in the morning.

- And that's it?
- No. Then she says "stop."

She really is something.

I sure did luck out when I married her,
you know that, Max?

Knowing Mrs. Hart,
she ought to be calling me any minute now.

Knowing Mrs. Hart,
she'll still be at the party.

I think it needs a little something, Max.

B-O-N-E.

- Have we got seven for the game tonight?
- All the regulars.

Excepting Mrs. Hart, of course.

And Sam Roberts called.

Said he's out of town,
but he'll try to make it back in time.

Well, have you ever known Sam Roberts
to miss a poker game?

Now, let's not forget our Golden Goose
magnesium pellets, Mr. Roberts.

Twice a day.

And in one month...

that bald spot up there
will begin to look like the forest primeval.

You two have been so wonderful to me.

- I don't know how I can ever repay you.
- On the contrary, Mr. Roberts.

Just one look at
the expression on your face...

makes us realize that we are the ones
who have profited.

- Good- bye.
- Bye.

Good- bye.

A quick sauna bath before bedtime, Mouse?

What a delicious idea, Bunny.

Oh, baby

You must have been a wonderful child

You must have been a beautiful baby

Twenty.

- I fold.
- Twenty, huh?

Right.

- What's that on top?
- Pastrami.

- Lean?
- Like Twiggy, Lieutenant.

All right.

All right, call.

What's Jennifer writing these days?

She's in Europe doing a series of articles
on the nature of macho.

I'm afraid when she finds out what it is,
she'll divorce me.

Come on, Max, hands per hour.

I do believe you're blushing, Max.

Up 50.

- Fold.
- Too rich for me.

- I'll get it. It's probably Sam.
- Will you tell him to get his fanny over here?

We need another loser.
Your butler is killing us.

Hello. Dorothy.

Will you untie that compulsive gambler
husband of yours and tell him to....

Max, when was the last time
you lied to the police?

When I told you
the pastrami was lean, Lieutenant.

Fifty, huh? All right.

I call that.

Three queens.

I got three jacks.

And two sixes.

I'll be right over.

So what's Sam's problem?

He's dead.

Thank you, Jonathan.

For what?

Sorry, Jonathan. Do you want a drink?

Sure. How about that one?

It's lousy, you know?

Really lousy.

I mean, God made a very big mistake
this time.

A very big mistake.

And don't tell me not to feel sorry
for myself. I have a perfect right to.

A man gets killed on the way back
from a health farm.

Can you beat it?

Health farm. He....

Oh, no. Oh, please, no.

Hang on, Dorothy.

- You got a bigger family than you know.
- No.

Why a health farm?

What would Sam need with a health farm?

Wouldn't tell me.

And last few weeks,
he wouldn't tell me anything.

But he was troubled, Jonathan.

Deeply troubled about something.

He started seeing an analyst.

An analyst? Sam?

He got so moody all of a sudden.

Jumpy and irritable.

Said he was going away for a few days.

I asked him why
and he nearly bit my head off.

What was the analyst's name?

Did he tell you the name of the doctor?

Beck.

Metz. Dr. Metz.

- Would you like me to stay?
- Thanks, no.

I'll be all right, Jonathan.

When does Jennifer get back from France?

As soon as she hears about this.

Sam loved you very much, you know?

You were his dear and trusted friend.

That's why it smells.

Because he never mentioned a word.

About the doctor, the health farm, any of it.

Maybe God didn't make a mistake.
Maybe Sam did.

What have I got here, group therapy?

- Who are you? What do you want?
- I'm sorry, Doctor. I misunderstood.

I don't know why I'm saying this to you,
but I suppose I look like a fool.

Get out.

Shouldn't she be in school?

Regression to childhood
is an essential part of primal therapy...

if it's any of your business.

- Now what is all this about?
- A patient of yours, Doctor.

- Sam Roberts.
- Roberts?

Yes. Of course.

Forgive me. It's been a rather hectic day.

I'm rather a busy man myself, Doctor,
so I'll get right to the point.

Why would Sam Roberts
want to kill himself?

I wasn't aware that he had.

I'm sure I'd have no idea.

What went on in there with him?

Kick the can? Mumblety- peg?

I don't see that
this is any of your concern, Mr....

Hart. Jonathan Hart.

Sorry.

Speed it up out there, will you, ace?

The hour's only 50 minutes long
to start with. Okay?

Goodbye, Mr. Hart.

Give me a call, won't you,
if you feel like regressing.

In your case, the long transition back
to childhood should be...

a fairly speedy trip.

Nice looking sweater,
is that one of those new miracle fabrics?

- Cashmere.
- Thought so.

Now we can do this one of two ways, Mr....

- Bart?
- Hart.

Yeah. Hart.

I can either give you
10 or 11 separate tickets...

each with the appropriate violation or...

we can go for broke and try to cram
the whole mother lode onto one sheet.

Sure would save me a lot of time.
What do you say?

That would suit me fine, Sheriff.

I'm in kind of a hurry myself.

How could I have guessed that?

Nice looking shoes.
What are they, imported suede?

- Hush Puppies.
- Hush Puppies.

You go right on in, sir.
I'll unload your bags for you.

I'll be back in just a second, ma'am.

You certainly took your time.

Couldn't you get a landing clearance?

- Allow me.
- I'm perfectly capable of- -

I'm terribly sorry.
I've always been so clumsy.

Even as a child I was all thumbs.

It must've been painful for you
to handle a yo- yo.

Would you please just get out of here?

Sorry.

- Channing.
- Yes, Miss Channing. Here we are.

Thank you.

- From Santa Barbara.
- Yes.

Now there's a coincidence.

My mother was born in Santa Barbara.

You had a mother?

Peter Templeton, Duluth, Minnesota?

I'm rather heavily into steel.

Odd, I would've thought brass.

Here. Try mine. It's a little tricky, but- -

I'm really terribly sorry.

This just hasn't been one of my days.

Thanks to you...

I'm not doing terribly well myself.

- Mr. Templeton, here's your key.
- Thank you.

And Miss Channing,
we're holding a message for your arrival.

That's probably your safe driving award.

Excuse me.
Where is Mr. Templeton staying?

I want to know which bungalow
to give a wide berth to. You understand?

Certainly, Miss Channing.
He's in bungalow 10.

Thank you.

Arm up. And over to the side and stretch.

And up, pull your leg up.

Put in on the bar and reach forward.

And over. Good.

Pull.

Try to touch your toes. Good.

All right, pull a little harder.

Reach.

Hi, there. Remember me?

The girl on the floor in the nightie
with the teddy bear and the pacifier?

Funny how these little things
seem to stick in your mind.

Well, look at you.

You're all grown up.

Yeah. I filled out great, didn't I?

Dr. Metz sent you up here, right?

In a way.

Excuse me, Mr. Templeton?

Doctors Fleming and Peterson
would like to welcome you personally...

to the Golden Goose.

Would you care to follow me?

Be happy to pay for it.

Bye.

Mr. Templeton?

- Dr. Peterson?
- How do you do?

Welcome to our facilities.

May I introduce my associate, Dr. Fleming?

I'd shake hands, Doctor,
but I can see you're busy.

Is this your first visit
to a health spa, Mr. Templeton?

Yes.

- Well, you look very fit.
- Well, one tries.

Well, you see, most of our guests
come here either to lose weight...

or to get their bodies back into shape.

But, may I ask why you have come here?

- Nerves.
- Nerves?

Nerves.

You see, I own this little steel mill in Duluth.

My doctor said, "Templeton, you're nervous."

Now what's the point of having
$6 million dollars, if you can't enjoy it?

"Go someplace. Relax. Be pampered."

So here I am, ready to be pampered.

Well, you've certainly come
to the right place, Mr. Templeton.

Well.

At the Golden Goose...

we try to tailor everything
to each guest personally.

I look forward to it, Doctor.

I'm a sucker for the personal touch.

I hope you found
your bungalow comfortable.

I haven't even found my bungalow.

This is the same man definitely.
His real name is Jonathan Hart.

- Sounds familial.
- It should.

Hart Industries is a conglomerate
of more than 20 interlocking corporations.

All owned and operated by that man.

And more importantly for us...

it seems he fancies himself
a detective as well.

A detective?

He was a friend of Sam Roberts.

I'd say you're more a 38 regular.

I'm sorry, Mr. Templeton,
I was just admiring it.

- I'll finish unpacking for you.
- Thanks, I can handle it.

Would you like me to open the window, sir?

There's a nice breeze
that comes up in the evening.

Sure, why not?

Thank you.

Good evening.

Hello.

Good evening.

Finished already?

I was rather hoping
we could have a bite together.

Look.

I'd really like to apologize.

Apologize? You?

Whatever for?

Hello.

Mind if I sit down?

You don't need a dinner companion.

You need a good cut man.

Scout's honor, I barely said hello.

I believe you, scout.

But just in case,
why don't you sit on that side?

Why?

I'm left- handed.

You're an actress, aren't you?

- Sylvia Maxwell.
- I've seen a few of your movies.

Hey, watch it, fellow.

I don't go around saying bad things
about you.

- I'm- -
- You're Peter Templeton.

You own a steel mill in Duluth
and you're worth $6 million dollars.

What's my favorite color?

Hey, listen, champ, this whole place is
one big party line. You know what I mean?

- But I haven't ordered yet.
- Fixed menu tonight, sir.

Your entree, ma'am.

Entree.

My kid's got a hamster at home
that eats better than this.

I'll trade you two of my radishes
for one piece of your lobster...

cash and a vegetable to be named later.

- Do you drink?
- Constantly.

- Bourbon?
- Exclusively.

But I thought they didn't allow alcohol
on the grounds.

I don't drink it on the ground, silly.
I drink it in my bungalow.

One sour mash.

Make it a double.

One vodka martini.

Very dry.

This is how I make it through
all the exercise routines around here.

Snockered.

My compliments.

Well, you certainly are a veteran
at all of this.

My only question is why.

You've got a body
that belongs in a time capsule.

You're obviously not here to dry out.

Let's cut out all the pretense,
shall we, Peter?

We both know why you came here.

For the same reason I did.

The only difference is...

this is going to be your first time, isn't it?

To be fair, not exactly.

You know, this may sound crazy...

but if you just try to relax and enjoy it.

I mean, forget about paying the money.

This is gonna cost me money?

Why do I have the feeling
we're not talking about the same thing?

You first.

Doctors Peterson and Fleming,
anxiety sessions.

Your turn.

Pass.

Back to you.

Look.

Maybe you ought to get out of here.

I mean, you're a nice guy and all that.
Maybe you're a nice guy.

Sylvia, I don't understand
what this is all about.

Is that what they did?
They stuck a tall on me.

You're a plant, right?
This whole thing's a setup.

Setup?

- For what?
- Get out of here, mister.

Take a hike. You blew it.

I don't understand
what you're talking about.

If I'm right, you're a piece of garbage.

And if I'm wrong, I'm sorry.

Either way, stay out of my life!

If I rolled over...

right now...

and tried to make love to you...

would you call the police?

Only if I thought you needed help.

Your feet are cold.

Compared to whose? Your fulsome friend's?

- She threw me out.
- No- taste broad.

I missed you so much.

Nice fit.

I love you.

Standing there next to you
at the front desk I just wanted to grab you...

- and kiss you and- -
- Prove it.

Don't be pushy.

Be pushy.

Oh, Jonathan.

I was so sorry to hear about Sam.
I talked to Dorothy.

How's she doing?

What's the clich??
As well as can be expected.

How was Europe?

Spain's still south of France.

I fell in love with a bullfighter
for about 10 minutes.

- Ol??
- Not on your life.

- How's the house?
- You can eat off the floors.

Max broke all the china?

By the way, Max...

gave me a gun.

He said he thought I might need it.

- The only thing is- -
- Sweetheart.

He forgot to load it.

Good for Max.

Darling.

Exactly what are you getting me into...

that I won't be able to shoot my way out of?

- Ask Sylvia Maxwell.
- Your bosom buddy.

Your bosom buddy. Starting tomorrow.

She's into something
called anxiety sessions.

I checked the brochure,
but they're strictly not on the menu.

You think this ties in with Sam?

Well, same health farm, same analyst.
Both of them in perfect physical shape.

As far as I could tell.

Only one difference, darling.

Sam is dead.

Very.

- Suicide?
- Murder.

That's what I love
about living with you, darling.

I get to meet such fascinating people.

Statesmen...

winos, embezzlers, movie stars.

Remember that homicidal maniac
in the south of France?

- I don't remember that.
- Sure.

If he hadn't killed those six people
in the hotel...

we wouldn't have been able to get a room.
It was the height of the season.

And then there was that other fellow.
Remember the fellow that was so sexy...

attractive...

brilliant...

- and virlle.
- How did I manage to miss him?

- You're lying on him.
- Oh, yeah? Prove it.

Don't be pushy.

Quite an uncomplicated maneuver, really.

It's easy to learn
and the results can be devastating.

I can vouch for that.

Anyone wanna give it a try?

I don't mind.

Good for you, Miss Channing.

Mr. Templeton, if you will start again
from over there, please.

Any questions?

- Duck soup.
- All right.

When was the last time
you tried to make duck soup?

Excellent, Miss Channing.

I think we all should thank Mr. Templeton...

for being such a good sport.

And let's hope that the rest of his day
will be somewhat more...

peacefuI and reIaxing.

You feeI?

- You feeI?
- I did when I came in here.

Sorry, I'm Iate.

I'm Sandy.

Thank goodness.

She was beginning to rub me
the wrong way.

Are you pIanning to stay Iong?

Suddenly.

I've been here three years.

Then you probably worked on my friend,
Sam Roberts?

Hard.

Sam Ioved this pIace.

Max, is that you?

I'm out here at the studio, Mr. H.

And I think I found that information
you were Iooking for.

During her Iast picture,
the word has it that Miss SyIvia Maxwell...

was very depressed.

She cried a Iot.

That's possibIe. I saw the movie.

She aIso had a big fight
with her business manager...

over how much money she was spending.

Fired him. ShaIom.

ShaIom.

By the way, Max,
those pIans you sent up to me are perfect.

Those air conditioning vents
Iead directly to...

Dr. Fleming and Dr. Peterson's
private office.

Have Lt. Moss call me.

There's a bellboy up here
I want him to run a make on.

So I says to him, "Look, laddie,
you're not playing with tips here.

""If the studio won"t put up the extra bread. . .

"I'm gonna have to pull the plug."

Give me a break, will you, chief?

There's a Hertz agency right down the block.

Listen, C.B.

Hold it, honey.

Do you know Sylvia Maxwell?

Well, I know who she is, of course.

But I'm afraid I've never met her.

Hello, Max? Hello?

That's a beautiful outfit you have on.

- Why, thank you.
- What movie are you in?

Why, fiddle- de- dee. I'm not working today.

Hello?

Hello, Max?

Mr. Templeton. What are you doing here?

Well, Doctor, everything runs
very efficiently here...

except the laundry.

See, I sent out three pairs of shorts
and all I got back was a bra.

Well, really, Mr. Templeton,
three pair of shorts can't mean that much...

to a steel magnate from Duluth.

Well, you see...

these shorts have this llttle...

personal message on them.

Well, in that case, I'm sure they'll turn up.

Meanwhlle, we're not supposed to be here,
are we?

Where are we supposed to be?

You are supposed to be in the steam room.

Thank you, Doctor.

Some fun, huh?

Are you kidding?

The crooks at this place
are bleeding me dry.

- Oh, yeah? How's that?
- I figured it out.

This steam is costing me $3 a breath.

By the time I get my health back,
I'm gonna be too poor to enjoy it.

How did you happen to come here anyway?

My wife saw an ad in a magazine.

$3 a breath.

Breathe slower.

This is like a dream.

Coming to a place like this
has always been one of my fantasies.

Funny, mine's just the opposite.

Mine's to run away.

Really?

- Where would you go?
- Tahiti.

Cleveland.

- So why don't you?
- I can't afford it.

What? On your salary.

And two sets of tax- free alimony.
How about that?

- You gonna take a nap?
- No. Jacuzzi.

Say.

I've always been really curious
about the way actors work.

How do you prepare for a part?

I mean, let's say you were gonna play
the part of a murderess.

I'd think of my last husband.

Or, what if you were gonna play
the part of a woman...

who was being blackmalled?

Why do you say that?

I don't know.
Some dumb TV movie I saw last week.

Well, then I wouldn't know.
I don't do movies for television.

Good afternoon, ladies.

Please, don't get up.

Ladies.

Do you mind if I join you?

Mind if I scream when you do?

Creep.

Well, Mr. Templeton.

How goes our first day?

Outside of being mugged,
elbowed in the stomach...

pummeled, fried and nearly drowned,
it's been peachy keen so far, Doctor.

I haven't had this much fun
since I was a POW in North Korea.

You know, Mr. Templeton...

this is one of the odd things...

that seems to happen to some of our guests.

Instead of getting rid of their tensions...

they seem to escalate.

Go higher and higher, more and more
until they finally....

You know, Mr. Templeton.

If I were you...

I'd watch myself.

Well, there's no fixed pattern to it,
that's for sure.

People come here at random.

Their tennis pro recommends it.
Their doctor recommends it.

Their wife sees an ad in the paper.

As far as I can find out...

nobody here has ever heard
of anxiety sessions except Sylvia Maxwell.

And Sam Roberts, I'll bet.

Help Max in with the dinner,
will you, darling?

Food? Hello, Max.

Hello, Mrs. H.

The trick is, these anxiety sessions...

under the right circumstances, is it possible
that they could be played by anybody?

I don't know.

Well, they're on to me somehow.
That's for sure.

I'm gonna have to keep a low profile.

Bless you, Max. Let me guess.

Chasen's, LaScala?

Jack's Juicy Junkyard, open 24 hours.

Three cashier's checks for $25,000 a piece.

That's a total of $75,000.

Sam was being bled worse than I thought.

- Here.
- Thanks.

No drugs were found on the body.

I can't figure it out.

Blackmall and murder.

Blackmall and murder.

I'll lay you 8 to 5 your friend
Sylvia's on the hot seat right now.

- How do we prove it?
- By getting you into anxiety sessions.

How is your past for deep, dark secrets?

Not terribly....

Wait a minute.

There was that weekend.

You remember.

Just before we got married...

when I said I was visiting my mother.

Never mind. It's not important.

- Go on. It's important.
- No, no.

Want a French fry?

- I don't want a French fry.
- Max, give him a French fry.

Did you ever see that picture
with Jimmy Cagney?

You know, when he took the grapefruit
and he pushed it into the girl's face?

Yeah. That was terrific.

- Got any grapefruit, Max?
- Jonathan, you wouldn't.

- Jonathan, please.
- I wouldn't, huh?

Now, Jonathan, wait a minute, please.

You know I don't like those things
without mayonnaise.

Give us a kiss.

And go!

Kick hard! Kick!

Dr. Fleming will be along in a moment,
Miss Channing.

Thank you.

Miss Channing.

Sorry to have startled you.

No, no. It's my fault.

Just a little jumpy.

That's why I came to see you.

How may I help you?

I've been suffering from
these terribly self- destructive impulses...

for about a year now.

- Lately, it's gotten much worse.
- How dreadful.

Perhaps you should consult a psychiatrist.

I thought that you might be able to help me.

My friend, Sylvia Maxwell, spoke about
something called anxiety sessions.

That part of Miss Maxwell's treatment
was prescribed by her own doctor.

I'm afraid it's out of my hands.

- Then you can't help- -
- I'm sorry.

I'd like to borrow this book,
if you don't mind.

I think it looks like something
that might put me to sleep.

Certainly.

Miss Channing.

Does this sudden uneasiness
have something to do with...

Mr. Templeton?

It's obvious that you two don't get along.

It's not the first time I've met a man like him.

A man who thinks he can have
any woman he wants.

Well, he's sadly mistaken
in my case, Doctor.

- I'm sure of it. I- -
- You tell him to stay away from me!

You tell them all to stay away from me!
Just stay away from me!

Such extraordinary behavior, Bunny.

Let's run a check on Miss Channing,
shall we?

What worries me more...

is what Sylvia told her
about the anxiety sessions.

That was silly.

I mean, if she would tell Miss Channing...

she might just tell anybody.

So, I said to Marvin, "Listen...

"if you're gonna be my agent,
the least you can do...

"is catch 10% of the conversation."

So, he looks at me like I'm weird
or something.

Would you care to try it, Miss Channing?

I think I'll just skip on over
to the herbal wrap, if you don't mind.

Meet you there, honey.

See you later.

Hi, Dr. Fleming.

Hello, Sylvia.

I've just come to check your needles.

One seems to have fallen out.

Be still now.

How you doing?

Okay. I'm a little tired though.

Listen, Sylvia.

I think the time has come to talk straight
about this.

You're being blackmalled.
I know it and you know it.

Now, I know your problems
are none of my business...

but a good friend of mine was killed
around here...

and I don't want the same thing
to happen to you.

Sylvia, I'm not the only one
who knows about this.

We tried not to involve you,
but it looks like we have no other choice.

Sylvia, it isn't....

Sylvia?

Help!

Somebody!

Help!

So young.

Remember my warning you
about the effects of escalating tensions?

The heart is not a machine.

Is that the conventional wisdom, Doctor?

Heart failure?

Well, that is what the death certificate says.

And which doctor signed the certificate?

Oh, I see.

No reason, of course, for a second opinion.

On the contrary...

Dr. Fleming completely concurred
with my conclusions.

My congratulations, Doctor.

You've done a very thorough job.

Thank you.

There's a mighty mysterious rip
in one of your pajama bottoms...

and two pairs of socks don't match.

Coming in here and taking a shower
can be a little risky, you know.

Not if we leave this bungalow together,
introduce ourselves properly...

thank everyone for a perfectly marvelous
time and then get the hell out of here.

Jonathan, they are killing people here.
Killing them.

I've noticed.

Call Lt. Moss.
Have him do an autopsy on Sylvia.

- We've done enough.
- We've got no grounds.

- But you- -
- Besides, it's out of his jurisdiction.

Is that what he's gonna tell me
when they wheel you out of here?

- Don't worry about me.
- I'm worried about us.

Jonathan, I'm absolutely terrified.

You're right. You're absolutely right.

- You go back into town.
- No.

- You go and see Lt. Moss...
- No.

- ...and you tell him what we've seen up here.
- Don't do this to me.

- You just said you wanted to leave.
- I said I wanted us to leave.

I'm telling you that it's a good idea.

You said that you wanted to get rid of me.

- I don't wanna get rid of you.
- Yes, you do. I was just standing there- -

- I am married to you.
- And I'm married to you.

Hell of a ceremony, wasn't it?

Don't change the subject.

Do you remember
when you came down the aisle...

and your heel broke and you tripped
into Aunt Martha and the twins?

I did not fall into Aunt Martha.
I just sort of grazed her.

She tumbled back and fell
through the window all by herself.

Jonathan, we are going home right now.

- Jennifer.
- You know, I could blow your whole cover.

I could march right over to that office
and tell them who you really are.

- That doesn't sound like you.
- Oh, no?

Or, I could refuse to make love to you
for the rest of the year.

- That sounds like you.
- Eat your heart out, buster.

- One last kiss.
- Why?

Something to remember you by.

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking that if you kiss me
I'll get all mushy...

and then I'll say.... I can see it in your eyes.

No, I am not thinking that.
I know that you're stronger than that.

You bet I am.

There's a lot of ice and steel in here
when I wanna show it.

Believe me. Ice and steel.

Zero.

- What did I tell you?
- You love me.

You can't get along without me.

You're crazy about me.

You have been mildly amusing to be with
from time to time.

You love me no matter what.

I could break your heart
any time I wanted to.

Even if I left you...

and went away for years
I'd be the only man in your life.

Freddie Wilson has always had the hots
for me.

I'd call him up in a shot.

Even if I was boring.

Jonathan.

This is doing absolutely nothing for me.

I thought you said just one kiss.

Even if I was a liar.

Okay. What the hell. Let's stay.

So we'll die together.
Max will probably bury us.

You mind? My hair is still damp.

I remember how I got this rip in my pajamas,
by the way.

I was bending down over the front doorstep
trying to teach Freeway...

how to pick up the morning paper
with his teeth.

That half- wit's never gonna learn.

He's got a great IQ.
He's just an underachiever.

I was talking about you.

Jonathan! We're getting out of here
right away...

or I swear to God I'm becoming a nun.

No, it's Channing, I'm sure.

Very well. It's unimportant.

There is no Miss Channing at that address
in Santa Barbara, Bunny.

In fact, there is no such address
in Santa Barbara.

I was afraid of that.

You know, it's not the first time
that someone has checked in...

under an assumed name.

But she does seem a bit odd.

Perhaps even a potential client...

for anxiety sessions.

Let's find out, shall we, Mouse?
And who knows?

Intensive treatments
may suddenly become necessary.

This is good.

You pig!

You animal!

- Now take it easy, lady.
- I hate you!

I hate you!

You stop.

You won't believe this,
but she's the one that got turned down.

It's not true.

- Mr. Templeton- -
- Hart. Jonathan Hart.

I was hoping to remain incognito
while I was up here...

but there's no point to that now.

I am a very wealthy man and I cannot stand
to have frivolous lawsuits...

by sexually frustrated women...

who insist upon breaking into my bungalow
in the middle of the night.

That was you.

- You're the one who....
- Really?

And what about last night?

And who is in whose bungalow anyhow?

Now, Doctor, you talk to her.

I cannot stand to have the publicity
and I don't think you can either.

Under the circumstances, Mr. Hart...

- I think you ought to leave immediately.
- Delighted, Doctor. Delighted.

If you'll all excuse me,
I have a cold shower waiting.

Miss Channing.

No.

Wilson. Betty Wilson.

I knew this was gonna happen.

I tried to ask you for help.
It happens all the time.

I can't help myself.

I understand.

We understand.

My husband.

He mustn't know. He can't know.

So many times.

Mrs....

Wilson.

This morning...

you mentioned something
about anxiety sessions.

You will?

Yes, Betty.

Yes.

Thank you.

This is our conditioning room.

Please, lie back and relax.

What's that?

It's a very large and rare ruby from India.

It once belonged to a maharaja.

Isn't it beautiful?

Beautiful.

Think of all the history locked away...

inside that jewel.

Hundreds and hundreds of years.

When you look at it...

you'll find your mind drifting into the past.

Your body begins to relax.

You'll feel yourself...

beginning to float.

Your body is getting heavy now.

Heavy.

Your eyes are getting heavy.

You feel peaceful.

And drowsy.

Drowsy.

Yes.

That's right.

Very drowsy.

You can hardly keep your eyes open.

The ruby continues to rotate.

And your eyes follow it.

They are getting heavier and heavier.

You are going into a deep sleep.

Deep.

Hi, there.

Waiting to jump on some poor, defenseless
senior citizen?

You don't look that old.

And I'm not that defenseless.

Believe it.

You will hear the sound of my voice.

But you will remain in a deep sleep.

Open your eyes.

Now.

Something is troubling you
and you want to tell us about it.

My name.

I lied to you about my name.

As we know, it isn't Channing.

It's Betty Wilson.

Not Betty Wilson.

No?

It's....

Go on.

Hart.

Jennifer Edwards Hart.

Jonathan Hart.

Jonathan?

My husband, Jonathan, where is he?

I want to see him.

And so you shall see him, Mrs. Hart.

We will send you to him.

I promise you.

Jonathan, where are you?

There he is, Jennifer.

Over there.

Look.

Jonathan?

He's over there, Jennifer.

Just past the lights. Can't you see him?

Jonathan, I'm so frightened.

But he's there
waiting to take you in his arms.

Just past the lights.

Jonathan, I love you so much.

He knows that, Jennifer.

See? He's smliing at you.

He'll always be there waiting for you
just past the lights.

You're going to wake up now, Jennifer.

You're going to wake up
feeling peaceful and happy.

You won't remember any of this.

Not where you've been nor what you said...

nor anything that's happened.

One.

You are coming awake.

Two.

You are wider- awake.

Three.

You are awake.

- Where....?
- You're in your bungalow, dear.

I'm afraid you passed out back there
from all the excitement.

You promised to help me.
You said you'd give me treatments.

Yes.

In the morning, Miss Channing.

I'm sorry. Did I say Channing?

I meant Wilson.

Betty, isn't it?

He ran in front of the car.

I couldn"t stop in time.

He was so little.

- And you were frightened?
- Yes.

He was dead.

Why did you drive away?

I had to.

I was drunk and I killed him.

They would"ve put me in jail.

I couldn"t stand that.

I'd rather not know, old buddy.

Hi, darling.

Grab your coat and get your hat.
We're double- parked.

Just when I was about to nod off.

That's funny.

That's what Sylvia Maxwell said
earlier today.

Are you all right?

Fine and dandy.

What went on in there tonight
with Jekyll and Hyde?

Nothing much.
They just sort of relaxed me, put me to bed.

They're gonna treat me in the morning.

Let's get out of here.

Jonathan, would you please stop
fooling around and get in the car.

For goodness sake.

- You all right?
- Yeah.

- You're sure?
- Jonathan, I'm fine.

So let's go.

I do wish Jane didn't have to die
as well, Bunny.

She was such a hard worker.

And terribly loyal, too.

She was very fond of you, Mouse.

I'm sure she'd understand.

Slow it down a little, darling.

By the way, I left my car right over here
in the bushes.

Well, that's all right. I'll have Max pick it up
in the morning.

You are happy, Jennifer.

You"re going to meet Jonathan.

You"ve been away from him for a long time. . .

and now he is waiting for you.

Jennifer, there's a hairpin curve up ahead.
Slow it down a little.

When you see
the two blinking amber lights. . .

you will know he is there. . .

waiting to take you in his arms.

Hit your brakes, darling.

Hurry, quickly.

Faster.

The lights!

No way!

Did I have this funny feeling...

it was going to be you, Mr. Dart?

Hart.

Dead?

Fainted.

Nice looking woman. Girlfriend?

Wife.

What about that one?

I like to keep a spare in the trunk.

Yeah. Would you believe it?

No, Metz wasn't the only one.

There were ten other analysts involved
from all over the country.

Yeah.

Pretty neat operation, for a while.

By the way, thanks for getting me in on it.

You're welcome.

Tell Jonathan I'm gonna try
to keep his name out of it.

Thanks, Harry.

He's in a poker game right now,
but I'll tell him.

Poker game?

How come I wasn't invited?

Well, it's kind of a big game, Harry.

Out of town.

Out of town.

How far out of town?

$50,000.

Mr. Weinstein.

A decision, please.

Spirit of d?tente.

Fold.

Hello.

Come on, Freeway.

I'm out.

It has now become your decision, Mr. Hart.

- Will you take a check?
- Table stakes, Mr. Hart.

It was at your insistence, as I recall.

How are we doing, darling?

- Have you got any cash?
- A little. How much do you need?

$45, 000 and change.

Jonathan.

Darling, whatever did you think
you could possibly find in there?

Jonathan, you promised me
I could keep that.

Call.

Sorry. Four queens.

Well, I hate to bluff and run.

I hope you gentlemen will excuse me.

My wife and I have a dinner reservation
in Rome.

- Let's get out of here.
- We can't.

Leonard says we're out of fuel.

Albert, fill it up.

How about that?

I flew 10,000 miles into the desert
to get sandbagged.

He seemed perfectly pleasant to me.

Very nice. Thank you, buster. Off.

You are beautiful, you know that?

I know.

Are you planning to stay in Italy
for a long time?

Now you try it.

You know, it ain't so tough
once you get the hang of it.

Don't worry, Max. You'll dazzle them.

Would you take my luggage
to my room, please?

Now you try it.

Jonathan.

Why are there giraffes in Italy?

Africa, sweetheart.

There are giraffes in Africa.

This ex- classmate of mine, Bert Kramer,
he called me yesterday.

Somebody's trying to sabotage
this little diamond mine that he owns.

He thinks it's an inside job.
Wants us to take a look.

Of course, it'll mean living out in the bush
for a couple of weeks, but- -

No, no, no.

Ixnay. Forget it. Not a chance.

Jennifer.

You love me.

There's absolutely nothing
you can do about it.

You are like putty in my hands.

Jonathan, I simply cannot allow you...

to live life based on
an absolutely false assumption.

Come here.

You come here.

- Meet me half way?
- All right.

You love me.

You could never live without me. Admit it.

Putty.

I'll give you putty.