Hart of Dixie (2011–2015): Season 3, Episode 18 - Back in the Saddle Again - full transcript

- I go by Peter.
- I still think that I don't know

what I want to be when I grow up.

- Is that crazy?
- That's endearing.

I had a wonderful night.

I wish I could stay longer.

Is there any chance you want to go to

this fund-raiser thing
with me? It's for my uncle.

He's the Mayor of Fillmore.

Mayor Gainey.

(Chuckles): Yeah.
- I am in.

George: The sex was amazing.



- With Lemon?!
- Shh!

Every time I look at her,

I am physically unable
to stop picturing it.

What are you doing?

Packing up Joel's stuff.

- Ah.
- I mean, I-I could have

gone to L.A., or to London, but I chose
not to.

What if I made the
biggest mistake of my life

and let the right person
just walk away forever?

♪

George, what are you doing?

I was just checking this cereal
for high fructose corn syrup.

There's a lot of it.

Well, you know what?



I'm really glad to see you.

Oh.

Because I've come to a huge revelation.

I'm swearing off the opposite sex.

I'm going on a three-month man cleanse.

A "man cleanse"?

I'm flushing out my system.

I'm gonna recharge, so I'm
ready for the right man.

And until then, I'm putting my mind

and body and my soul into fiance's.

And listen, I know

that you want to be more
of a silent partner now...

Yes, I do. Very much.

And I fully support that.

- Great.
- But I'm gonna need

your help redoing the books this Sunday.

- No. (Laughs)
- Great!

Thank you, George, for
your support on this.

Bye.

What?

No men. A cleanse.

Won't be hard; It's not
like fantastic guys are just

floating around Bluebell. (Laughs)

- Whoa.
- Oh, God.

I am so sorry.

Peter?

Hey.

(Chuckles)

Wow.

(Chuckles)

This reunion went a
lot smoother in my head.

What are you doing here?

I'm producing an incredibly boring story

on an algae bloom in mobile.

Which I volunteered for,
uh... so I could see you.

What? (Chuckles)

Well, I mean, it's been
six months, I mean...

Is there any chance that, uh,

you'd have dinner with me tomorrow?

Dinner?

What? Uh, I...

Um... hmm...

Can I get back to you on that?

- Yeah. Yeah, sure, uh, you're probably busy.
- Okay. (Laughs)

- Let me give you my card.
- Sure.

I'm in town until Sunday.

I hope it works out.

(Chuckles)

(Sighs): Oh, my God.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Can I, uh, have an English muffin?

Aw... Joel used to put a
hole in an English muffin

and pretend it was a bagel,

and now you're eating one
to fill a hole in your heart.

Joel? Who's Joel?

Yeah, forget the English
muffin. Just give me some pie.

Okay.

(Sighs)

Thank you.

Hey, Zoe, great news, I hope.

The renovation on your and Joel...

Your house is done.

- Wow.
- I assume you want to put it on the market.

I can have...

No, I'm not going to sell my house.

You'll get a good price.

It's the perfect place
for a young, happy couple

- just starting out...
- No. No young happy couple

is moving into our hou... into my house.

I love that house.

I can be my own young, happy couple.

Yes, ma'am.

I can find someone else.

I mean, I found Joel.

Sure, yeah, that was in New York,

- but I can...
- Whoa!

(Screams)

- Ow! Watch it!
- You okay?

Huh! Yeah.

Sorry. I thought you'd see my bike

moving towards you and stop,

because most people do.

- Well, I am not most people.
- Tell you what, I'll make it up to you.

Dinner, tomorrow night.

Did you just...

I'm sorry, did you just
ask me out on a date?

- You know it.
- W...

Well, I'm gonna have to
get back to you on that.

Okay. My name is Vince. Here's my card.

And, uh, till then,
watch where you're going.

W...

There's a situation.

Lavon, I really need some advice.

(Gasps) Is that a little doll

- Ferris wheel?
- Ah! Off!

- Ow!
- It's not a doll anything.

This is Bluebell's future.

Getting ready to pitch
the city commissioners

on having the county fair right here.

That sounds fun.

Fun?

Monumental is more like it.

Point is, I really need some advice.

Long as it's not about boys.

It's totally not... about boys

that you know.

- Out.
- Oh, come on!

No, every conversation
we've ever had about boys

is me telling you one
thing and you not listening.

Go. Exit.

Ah, ah, ah! Stop!

Find someone else not to listen to.

And that's how Great Uncle
Nehemiah met his third wife...

You remember, the one with the glass eye.

Great Aunt Duffy?

Close. But it was Great Aunt Margie.

- God!
- Oh, Great Aunt Margie also had a glass eye.

There you go. You're really
becoming one of us, kid.

I've spent a lot of time with you guys.

Wilkes picnics, Wilkes barbecues,

Wilkes piano recitals. What can I say?

- We Wilkes love each other.
- All right.

Wade! Made this home brew in the cow barn.

Oh, the cow barn, you say. Wow.

I can... I can taste the-the barley

and the... essence of cow.

- I was totally going for that.
- Nailed it.

Sorry, guys, I'm gonna need Wade
to, uh, to slice the tomatoes.

Gazpacho emergency.

Gazpacho emergency.

- I'm gonna whup your butt next game.
- All right.

Come on.

I have been waiting an hour to do that.

Me, too.

But prying eyes...

- Most of which are glass.
- I know!

Thankfully, not genetic.

Wade, you have been such
a trouper with my family,

but you need a break.

Tomorrow night, we are on our own.

But tomorrow is Wilkes fish fry night.

No, it's not.

I mean, it is.

But for us, it's Wade Kinsella night.

Oh, well, that sounds nice.

Janice: Oh, Wade, there you are!

I brought you this barbecue pork.

Okay.

Wade Kinsella night.

Promise.

(Chuckles)

Is today the day?

Should we finally venture outside

as a couple for breakfast?

Can we hide a little while longer?

Oh, Davis, you're...

Amazing, but you don't understand.

In Bluebell, dating a Gainey is...

Almost as bad as dating
a Florida state fan.

Got it.

I'm sure we can find some other ways

to keep ourselves occupied.

Hmm.

(Phone ringing)

Mm, mm, mm, mm.

Mm, mm.

Mm, mm, mm, mm.

Mm. Hello?

Annabeth, where have you been?

You won't believe who's in town.

Peter, from Halloween.

And he asked me to dinner. What do I do?

Go! Have fun.

(Sighs) But if you had
gotten my previous message,

you would know that I am on a man cleanse.

Oh, I see. Then don't go.

But it's Peter!

I've been thinking about him for months.

But then again, I haven't
heard from him, at all.

And now, out of the blue, he
wants to have dinner with me?

- What do I do?
- (Line beeping)

Um, hold on, Lemon.

(Phone beeps) Hello?

Annabeth, where have you been?

I just got asked out on a date.

Well, good for you. Have fun.

But he was wearing a bike shirt
and he seemed kind of pompous.

Maybe it's too soon?

Um, no, it is. Don't go.

But then again, I want to move on.

You know, the first date
could be the first step.

I just didn't think
I'd have to do it today.

What do you think?

Y-yeah, hold that thought.

Zoe, Lemon, I believe
you two know each other.

Now, I am gonna be

out of commission for
the rest of the morning.

- All day.
- All day.

And in interesting news,
you both are trying to decide

whether or not to go on a date tomorrow.

So you two talk to each other.

You need to. Love you. Bye!

- Don't hang up!
- Annabeth, wait!

I'll figure this out on my own.

I'd rather talk to my laundry.

(Car horn honks)

(Seagulls calling)

(Birds singing)

Wow. I mean, the county
fair right here in Bluebell?

Do you... you really
think we stand a chance?

Well, after the rat fiasco in fairhope,

- you know, we may.
- (Chuckles)

Well, the fair commission
hears my pitch tomorrow,

but I'm gonna come up with a plan.

That's why they call me the closer.

Never heard anyone call you that.

No.

(Knocking)

Mayor Hayes, good morning!

I brought you a big old donut.

Gainey. Let me guess.

You heard about my county fair pitch,

and you came here to try to kill my mojo.

You think tiny little
Bluebell's gonna get it?

Uh, you know, Lavon, it's the county
fair,

not the everyone-you-can-fit-

in-a-mid-size-sedan fair.

But, hey, that's not why I'm here.

I see right through your...
Your big donut, Gainey.

It has a hole.

Lavon, no. I'm here to
celebrate the good news.

You know, about my beloved
nephew dating your niece.

We gonna be related.

What? Wha... who's your nephew dating?

Annabeth Nass.

Oh, wait.

Is she not your niece?

Oops. My bad.

Well, uh, look, I'll let
you get back to your pitch,

and, uh, enjoy that
donut... really good.

Lavon, hey, hey.

Gainey is just trying to get in your head.

Okay, what he said, probably not even true.

Oh, it best not be true.

Okay you need to just... (Breathes deeply)

- Wha...
- ...Concentrate on your pitch.

Yeah, you're right.

Maybe the big donut will help.

So, I've made some bad
decisions concerning men.

But Peter's only here for one day.

And living life to the fullest

is always a good decision, right?

Right?

(Sighs)

Annabeth? (Frustrated grunt)

(Exhales sharply)

Three weeks.

Three weeks is plenty of
time to get over someone.

We weren't even together a year, right?

(Sighs)

Hmm.

Annabeth?

(Frustrated grunt)

Peter, it's Lemon. Hi.

Hi, Vince. It's Zoe.

The woman that you hit with the bicycle.

I'd love to have dinner tomorrow night.

I'm ready to get back on the bicycle.

Uh, w...

So, yes. The answer is yes.

A-about dinner which is a meal.

Why don't you come over. I'll cook. Okay?

- See you then.
- All right. Thanks. Bye.

(Sighs)

(Shudders)

Oh, my God.

"Well, Bluebell may be small,
but what we lack in resources,

we make up for in commitment and heart..."

Dash: Mayor Hayes.

I was wondering if, uh,

you'd like to comment on
the fact that Annabeth Nass

was seen last night

waiting outside a mobile CVS

while Davis Polk,

nephew of our sworn enemy,

was seen inside

buying prophylactics.

Well, I'm sure that was just a coincidence.

Well, then they were seen
getting in a car together

and driving back to her place.

Uh, the Mayor Hayes no
comment at this time, dash.

Thank you so much. Have a great day.

Well, all righty then.

(Laughs)

"Prophylactics"?

- "Prophylactics"?!
- Okay, Lavon.

You need to go home, you
need to shut your windows,

you need to lock your doors,

turn off your Internet,

and just focus on this presentation

until your meeting tonight.

Go home.

[Door opens]

Daddy!

Magnolia?

- What are you doing here?
- Oh!

I have managed to escape the
clutches of your horrible mother

to ask politely if there's any chance

you'll let me go to a party tonight.

I-I imagine grandma's already said no.

She's unreasonable,
but you're not like her.

You're so smart and even-tempered.

I know you'll understand
how important this is to me.

Yeah, I will.

Tell me something about this party.

It's the social event of the season.

Carter Covington is hosting
a party at his vacation home

in Charleston.

"Charleston"?

Carter Covington is 30 years old!

Yeah, well, it just so happens

I'm not invited to people
my own age's parties

because you put me in exile.

And I'm living in a house that smells like

icyhot and cruelty.

And the school you're
sending me to has no boys.

This is my only chance to
find some joy in my life.

Well, maybe you should've thought about joy

before you got kicked
out of boarding school

finding joy in a 19-year-old townie!

Now, you get on back to your
grandmother's this instant.

And I will have her call me
the second she sees your face.

You're just as bad as she is.

A chip off the old icyhot block.

(Sighs)

Thank you.

Lemon.

Are you gonna eat that
entire cheesecake alone?

Actually, I have a date tonight with Peter,

that wonderful man I met on Halloween.

- Wow. Has he moved to town?
- No.

Is this one of those
Booty calls I read about?

Well, maybe it is.

But so what?

I mean, haven't you ever watched HBO?

No.

Well... neither have I.

But I get the gist.

It is 2014, and women are allowed

to have relations with whomever they want.

But that is not belle behavior.

Well, if you haven't noticed,
I am not a belle anymore.

So, I will be having sex tonight.

And enjoying my own liberation.

Good afternoon. (Quiet laugh)

Cardio.

Hey, good, Lavon.

I have a quick question.

It's not about boys.

Per se.

But should I go with a
v-neck or a boat-neck?

- For what?
- I've got a date tonight!

Isn't that awesome?

I'm moving on.

Well, of course you are.

That's how you females

get over people.

You just find someone new, and bam!

Look how happy you could be.

Better buy some prophylactics!

What?! Wha... sex could happen?

I wasn't even planning
on sharing an appetizer.

Well, why not?

Share an appetizer.

Share your bed.

You know, I should, too.

Yeah, we all should just go
out and sleep with whoever.

And... move on!

Okay.

Hey, Wanda, I'm gonna need
you to close up tonight.

Another Wilkes family talent show?

No, actually a friend
of mine bought a wine bar

over in mobile, so I'm
taking Vivian for the opening.

A civilized, adult evening with...

Charles: ♪ in your van ♪

♪ and you wish you had a can ♪

♪ diarrhea, diarrhea ♪

♪ when you're fishing in a lake ♪

♪ and your belly starts to ache ♪

- ♪ diarrhea...♪
- Hey, hey,

y'all, we got people trying to eat here.

- Come on.
- Sorry, man.

We're trying to cheer Harley up.

Oh, no. You guys lose?

Uh, they won.

I set a new record for no-hitters.

Which would be great if I pitched.

Which I don't.

You can count my batting average

with no fingers.

Ooh, man. I'm sorry to hear that.

Good news is I got something
to take the sting off.

You come right this
way. Wanda, why don't you

mix up a root beer
float for this young man.

- Make it extra strong.
- Keep 'em coming.

Well, I am gonna go shower.

And I'll swing by to pick
Harley up around 5:00.

Thanks for taking him.

Oh, I hope this isn't weird,
but aunt winifred invited me

to take Harley by her fish fry tonight.

You mind if we go?

Oh.

Sure. Yeah. He'll love that.

Have fun.

Uh, hey, listen, i-if you
don't want to miss out,

we could hit the fish fry

on the way to the wine bar.

- It's no big deal.
- No way.

It's Wade Kinsella night.

I got a new dress and everything.

(Chuckles) Well, have fun.

And I will tell the Wilkes
that you two said hi.

All right.

Daddy, got a minute?

Oh, no, actually, I was just
getting ready to head out.

I got a brand-new book
I'm dying to read...

Okay, but this is an emergency.

Just tell me, which one
of these dresses says,

"I'm a casual free thinker,
like the people on HBO"?

HBO? Wh-what is that
supposed to even mean?

I-I mean, what I know of those people...

Please, daddy, this is urgent.

Zoe: Brick, I need you in here asap!

Oh, good heavens.

J... give me one minute.

This dress

has a turtleneck, but
this dress is floor-length.

I can see that, but why
are you showing them to me?

Which dress says,

"I just put my feet back
in the water dating-wise,

and while I'm optimistic
that the date will go well,

I won't have sex until I'm good and ready"?

You have a date? With who?

Is that your business?

I'm asking you about dresses,
not whether I should date again.

No, I didn't say that...

Brick, just pick a dress!

Lemon: Daddy, I'm waiting.

Lemon, would you... would
you come in here a moment?

You both obviously need

a girlfriend to talk to, so may I suggest

that you talk to each other?

Not necessary. I'm doing great.

- But that turtleneck will make you look amish.
- Although that blue number

will make you look like Jonah Hill.

- Excuse me.
- I have a date.

- I have a date.
- I have a...

Ge: Lavon, I need you
to close your eyes.

Forget A.B.

You live in a world

where only two people exist: You,

Lavon Hayes, and Alabama

state recreation Supervisor Billy Greene.

Now, you don't need anything
from Supervisor Greene.

But he needs... Bluebell.

And you are the answer to his prayers.

Now, I want you to say that
out loud till you believe it.

(Chuckles)

I am the answer to his prayers.

Believe it.

George.

George, I need you.

I'm in the middle of something.

What? Who's that? Who's there?

Lavon, close your eyes. Focus.

My mother called. Magnolia
did not come home today.

Okay. Well, I mean, it is Magnolia.

She's probably just out
causing mischief somewhere.

Yeah, but that is the point.

I know where she is causing the mischief,

and I know who she is
causing the mischief with!

And, may I say, it is wildly inappropriate.

She is in Charleston, South Carolina,

and-and she's at a party
hosted by Carter Covington.

That is so creepy.

- Shut your eyes.
- George, George,

we need to go get her.

Okay. Yeah, of course we do.

Yeah. Oh, you know, we
should bring some snacks.

It's a seven-hour drive.

Wait, what? No, no.

You can't go for seven hours,
George. I need you here.

Lavon, turn around. For the
last time, close your eyes.

- (Groans)
- Okay?

Focus. All right, just think about...

Body language and eye contact, okay?

You are gonna be fine.

You are the answer to his prayers. Say it.

I am the answer to his prayers.

Yes, you are.

I am the answer

- to his prayers.
- Keep going!

(Playing harmonica)

♪ Our youth was spent
desperate to see ♪

♪ the things that lay
just barely underneath... ♪

Lucy,

congratulations. Place looks amazing.

Oh, Wade Kinsella, as I live and breathe.

Uh, Lucy used to be the beer
distributor over at the rammer jammer.

Then she started up this
fine place with her brother.

Lucy, Vivian,

Vivian, Lucy.

Lucy also likes her family. Go figure.

Vivian, you must be the new girlfriend

I've been hearing so much about.

Be careful. There's a lot of ladies here

who want to rip your hair
out... me included. (Chuckles)

But welcome.

Drink, eat, have a blast
and tell all your friends.

I got to mingle.

All right.

She's so cute.
(Chuckles)

- And fun.
- Hey,

you know what she's not? Vivian Wilkes.

Same Vivian Wilkes I just
happen to want to dance with.

- What do you say?
- I haven't danced with a boy

who wasn't seven in a really long time.

I will take that as a yes?

- Yes.
- All right.

♪ As my body felt the
wrath of father time... ♪

(Knocking)

Hey, Peter.

Hi.

I like you in jeans.

Mmm. What smells so good?

You know, pasta. Easy, casual.

(Chuckles) Like me.

That sounds perfect.

I've been thinking about doing that again

for six months.

Me, too.

Oh, let me get this for you.

Oh. Thank you.

Nice place. Fancy.

Uh... (Chuckles)

Before we get started,

you just need to know that I'm
definitely not having sex with you.

Uh, my dates don't usually
start out like this.

(Clears throat) I-I
don't have a lot of dates.

I see.

Uh, usually there's small talk:

What do you do, where are you from.

Then there's this thing
I like to call eating.

Okay.

And then we go back to my place for sex.

- What?
- Kidding. (Chuckles)

That was a joke.

(Both chuckle)

Why don't we start again.

Why don't you tell me
a little about yourself.

Okay, um, I do not enjoy
going to the movies.

Oh. Well, you know, a
lot of people are saying

that television is far
better than film now.

- I agree. (Chuckles)
- Okay.

You know that show extra?

Uh, hmm? That's good television.

Maria Menounos.

Incredible incisors.

I'm a doctor,

specializing in teeth.

You mean you're a dentist.

Exactly.

Pretty impressive, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Supervisor Greene, Chairperson Clarkson,

Mr. Desantis,

thank you so much for meeting with me.

Now, as you can clearly
see, Bluebell is truly

- a model town.
- (People chuckling)

We've heard wonderful
things about Bluebell.

But it might be a little
small for a county fair.

Okay, the town is small...

Th-though not as small as
this model might suggest.

(Laughs) But we have

a huge sense of community spirit.

I mean, after all,

what's the-the most
important thing to look for

when hosting a county fair?

Well, fairhope might say
quality rodent control.

(Laughs)

But in Bluebell,

nothing is more important than...

Mayor Hayes?

H-heart.

(Clears throat)

Nothing is more important than heart.

Except maybe drinks.

Who's up for a Martini?

New York? That explains it.

Explains what?

The snobbishness.

The whole "you're not

a doctor, you're a dentist" thing.

Well, I didn't say that.

It was implied.

But anyway, the joke's on you, lady.

'Cause for half the schooling,

I still bring home twice
as much of the cash-ola.

So, uh, it turns out,

what I'd actually asked
for were fermented beetles.

Oh.

So all the villagers are watching me,

and I take a bite, then another,

and then I thought about you.

I'm sorry, I-I remind
you of fermented beetles?

- No, I, uh...
- (Laughs)

I thought about having dinner with you,

and telling you this story,

and your face lighting up,

just like that.

(Laughs)

Even if you are a snob...

(Scoffs)

There is good news.

You are very easy on the eyes.

Very.

Thank you?

No, thank you.

Peter... what is this?

What do you mean?

I mean,

are you even gonna be back in Bluebell?

I'm here now.

And after tonight?

I don't know.

It took me a really long time

to get assigned to the algae story.

(Laughs)

So what do you say

we take dessert back to my place?

No sex, of course.

Come here.

Um...

I have to make a phone call.

- Okay. Yep. All right.
- Excuse me.

Could you ex-excuse me?

I need some air.

Yeah.

My father was right; I do
need someone to talk to.

Well, so do I.

Meet you at your office.

Fine.

Well...

Here we are.

Yep.

Yes, indeedy.

So are we gonna talk or what?

I can't. I can't.

Opening up to you goes
against everything I stand for.

Fine. I will help.

I can't help but notice that
you are not on your date.

Which is very observant.

Cannot help but notice

that you are not on yours, either.

True.

Wine. Do you have any wine?
Wine would probably really help here.

Oh, it's a great idea.

Ah. Yeah, Carter ain't picking up!

Well, he is having a party.

How in the hell did I end up surrounded

by so many nutty, irrational women?!

You know, maybe their cycles all synced up.

I mean, I read a study that said
that can happen in small towns.

Yeah, but Magnolia doesn't
live in Bluebell anymore...

No, one minute, they're sweet,

next minute, they're running off,

or they're going on a date with-with Peter

whatever-his-name-is,
and then asking you

to pick out sex clothes!

Okay, I'm-I'm sorry, Brick.

Did you say that Lemon was out on a date

with Peter from Halloween?

Yeah.

I mean, I'm-I'm only asking

because, you know, she said in passing

that she was through with dating.

See? Totally irrational!

Her behavior lately has
just been inexplicable.

I mean, what does she want?
What is she looking for?

Is she gonna settle down?

I wish I knew.

Whoopsies.

(Clears throat)

Where was I?

You were in the middle of a
rather long list of reasons

why we shouldn't hold the
county fair in Fillmore.

Right!

(Laughs)

What did...? Did I tell you about the part

where they tried to swallow our town?

Yes, twice.

But maybe we should move off of
Fillmore, and you should tell us

why having the fair in
Bluebell is a good idea.

It's a great idea!

And Gainey knows that. Huh.

Yeah, that's why he decided
to mess in my head today.

I bet he put

his nephew up to this,

just to... just to mess with her. Me.

His nephew?

I have to go.

Wade: What do you mean,
I don't got dance moves?

Are you kidding me?

People used to call me the
white Michael Jackson. Yeah.

Oh. Hey, just drink.

All right, all right.

The legs on this Pinot are insane.

I mean, did you actually just...?

What does that even mean?

Point is, I like the wine.

And I like the company.

As do I.

And, let's just say,

the legs on the wine aren't
the ones getting my attention.

(Ringtone playing)

Hey, Harley, what's up?

(Laughs)

Oh, my God!

That's great. Congratulations.

I-I'm so proud of you, baby. I...

All right, go ahead. Bye.

(Laughs)

Harley got his first hit.

Two games in one day?

No. Charles... He suggested

that they go to the
batting cage after dinner,

and he hit one.

Hey, good for him. Kid
got a hit. All right.

Now, where were we?

'Cause I thought it was, like,
kind of somewhere around here.

You should have heard his
little voice. He was so proud.

I'm gonna... I'm gonna tell Charles

to just text me a picture real fast.

All right.

Zoe: I should have known

from the bike shirt

that he would be
annoying, but I told myself

to get through it, right?

You know, just get the
first date under your belt.

But he was just so horrible.

When push came to shove, I just couldn't.

My date was amazing.

Peter is so funny and
thoughtful and easy to talk to,

and I was so excited to...

To spend the night with him.

But then he told me that
he wouldn't be back in town

for a really long time, and
then something inside of me

just snapped, and I couldn't.

Well, duh.

Excuse me?

Of course you couldn't,

'cause you knew sleeping with a man

who was leaving would be stupid.

Did you just call me stupid?

You're Lemon Breeland.

Everybody knows that you believe
in love and happily ever after.

So, you stopped yourself
from sleeping with Peter

because he was just another detour.

- Another detour?
- No offense,

but meatball, Enrique,
Carter Covington...

I mean, were any of
those roads to happiness?

(Scoffs) Shut up.

I'm glad that you are not my friend,

because you are terrible at it.

Oh, and I suppose you
got a real knack for it?

I do. And I will prove it to you.

Because if I were your
girlfriend, which I am not,

I would have told you
that going out on a date

three weeks after breaking up

from the longest relationship
of your entire life is moronic.

No, don't hold back. Tell
me how you really feel.

And you shouldn't have
to sit there and listen

to some blowhard talk about dentistry

just to prove a point to yourself.

You should go back there and tell that guy

to shove that bicycle right up his keister.

You make a decent point.

Yours wasn't so awful, either.

Hey. There you are.

I've been looking for you.

Oh. Sorry.

My entire family wanted
to talk about the big hit.

Charles keeps sending me pictures.

Oh, my God, is that Uncle
ned doing handsprings?

Can't be good for his plastic hip.

I think that they're
all as excited as Harley.

The whole family went out to
skeeball & stuff to celebrate.

See?

I see.

Look, Viv, I think it's great
that Harley got this hit,

but why is Charles sending
you all these pictures

and videos right now?

I mean, aren't they gonna
be just as great tomorrow?

No, he just... he knows that
I wouldn't want to miss it.

There's no ulterior motive or anything,

if that's what you're thinking.

Right. Right.

No, I'm...

I'm sorry, and I'm-I'm
sorry you missed it.

No, it's fine.

I'm a single working
mother; I miss everything.

Well, why don't you go
meet them for ice cream.

I can see that you want to go, and,

honestly, we-we can do this anytime.

Really?

Yeah.

Are you sure you won't be mad?

Not at all.

Thank you.

Mmm.

You're amazing.

Oh, I know.

Yeah.

(Doorbell rings)

Dr. Breeland, George.

This is a surprise.

Pajamas?

What the hell kind of a party is this?

Where is she?

What party, and who?

Magnolia. Brick believes...

I believe my teenage daughter was invited

to a party at your house, sir!

And you did hear the part
where I said "teenage"?

- Right?
- George: Yes, Brick.

- He heard that.
- Yeah.

There's no party here.

Yeah, I don't believe you.

George: Brick, there...
There is no party here.

You haven't heard from her?

Well, I did get an invite
from her yesterday,

but I thought I made it
on the list by mistake.

"Magnolia's annual daddy is away kegger"?

"B.Y.O.B."

Unbelievable.

You do have to kind of admire the brain

that can come up with a plan like that.

I... have sired an evil genius.

Two, kind of.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, good, you're still here.

I thought you might have left.

I only waited 'cause I wanted
the chance to say to your face:

You are very rude.

Well, I'm glad that you waited.

You left me alone on a date for an hour.

I've been getting pity stares
from all the other customers.

I don't get pity stares. I'm a catch.

You know you have a very overblown

sense of yourself, right?

No, no, I think it's blown just right.

I'm handsome, have well-defined
calves from all the cycling,

I am a doctor...

No, no, you are a dentist, okay?!

And I'm sure you do

a very good job... with teeth!

But I'm a doctor!

I am a doctor!

What you do and what I do,
not even remotely similar!

Whoa.

Are you as turned on as I am right now?

No!

You're still here.

Yeah, well, I figured you'd be back.

You live here and all.

(Chuckles)

Peter, I don't know

what's been going on with me lately,

but although there's been much, much

evidence to the contrary,
I'm looking for something real

and something with a future.

And you can't give that to me, can you?

You are an amazing woman, Lemon Breeland.

And I have to say

you nearly make me want to change.

Just get a white picket fence, a dog,

the whole deal.

The important word there is, um...

"Nearly."

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

♪ 'Cause if you wanted me to stay ♪

♪ why did you shuffle out the door? ♪

♪ And if you wanted me
to go, why would... ♪

What happened to your lady friend?

Oh, uh, she had to go.

Well, that's too bad.

But seeing as you're all alone...

After-party, my place?

Uh, yeah, you know,

I-I'm not really that guy anymore.

Well, you know where to
find me if that guy shows up.

All right.
(Chuckles)

Hey, Viv.

Uh, hope your night was
good, that you had fun.

Uh... call me back.

Yeah.

(Knocking)

Lavon?

Oh.

You smell like a bar.

(Slurring): No, I'm here to warn you.

You know, your new boyfriend?

Bad news.

Oh, really?

And how do you know that?

(Sputters)

A, he's a Gainey.

Mmm.

And B...

He's a Gainey!

What-what other evidence do you need?

They're all liars and cheats!

This is truly sad.

Well, come on, A.B.!

I mean, this-this guy
just happened to turn up

out of the blue, right
before I give my pitch

for the county fair?

So, you came to my house
to tell me my new boyfriend

is only with me as part of a plot

to ruin your bid for county fair?

It couldn't be that he
finds me smart or interesting

or attractive?

No, no, no.

I'm trying to protect you.

No, you're not!

You're being a jealous ex-boyfriend.

And the fact that

you would do that after
everything you put me through...

There are no words.

Just go home, Lavon.

Wanda, a gigantic coffee please.

You want to get that to go, Lavon?

People may not want to see you just yet.

- (Slaps back)
- (Groans)

Hey, Lavon.

I just, uh, found out

that Daphne got the county fair.

I was wondering what happened.

Well, well!

Should've known better
than to put all our eggs

in your incapable basket, Mayor Hayes.

I hear he got drunk at the meeting.

(Laughs) Sergeant
Jeffries, that's ridiculous.

He-he would never do that.

Except I did.

My Ruby would've gotten us the county fair.

She loves the tilt-a-whirl.

Lavon...

It gets worse.

I have a vague memory of going
to Annabeth's and telling her

she was being duped by
some sort of Gainey plot.

Oh, Lavon.

Uh, excuse me.

Sure.

Annabeth,

I am so...

No.

We have nothing to say to each other.

You actually have to put
that broom on the floor

for it to work.

This isn't what it looks like.

Really?

I'll tell you...

What it looks like is that you set me up

to go to Charleston to chase you down

while you were here having a huge party

in my house.

Well, go ahead.

Let me have it, because
any punishment you dream up

cannot be worse than life at grandma's.

Yeah, that is probably true.

Magnolia,

my dream for you

is that you grow into a...

Responsible, well-adjusted

young woman.

But I'll be satisfied if you just...

Finish high school without getting
arrested

or pregnant, but things are
not looking good right now.

Daddy...

Put yourself in my shoes.

A worried father

who only wants the best
for his beautiful girl.

Tell me, what-what do I do with you?

Find me another boarding school.

Away from grandma.

And visit me every weekend to make sure

that I'm doing things right this time.

And I will certainly try.

Okay.

I'll make some calls.

Hey, George.

You look terrible.

Oh, well, thank you

for that.

How was your night?

Umm...

It was a mess.

I saw Peter and realized it
was never gonna happen for us,

so...

Oh. Well, I am... I'm sorry to hear that.

Uh... you want to maybe go get breakfast

and talk about it before we do the books?

Actually, I already did the
books. I-I couldn't sleep, so...

I got up early.

Oh. Oh. Well, that
is... that is great news.

I-I didn't want to do those anyway, so...

And Annabeth has finally reemerged,

so I'm gonna go have breakfast with her.

Will you finish inventory for me?

Yeah, sure.

No problem.

Thanks.

(Vivian and Charles chuckling)

What's he...

Wade, I-I didn't expect... umm...

Charles slept on the couch.

Yeah. Well, we had a little
too much wine last night, so...

- I couldn't drive.
- Huh.

Anyway, we'll, uh,

talk later?

- Yes.
- All right.

See you, Wade.

He stayed here?

It wasn't a big deal.

Okay. Um...

I missed you last night.

Me, too.

Harley's probably hungry.

I should go and...

Yeah. Yeah. Um...

- I'll call you later.
- Great idea.

I'll talk to you then.

All right.

A.B.

Is that really you?

In the flesh. (Chuckles)

Where have you been?

So much has happened.

I had a disastrous date.

But it led me to realize
that I need to move on.

So... I am selling the new house.

Well, I say good for you.

Um, and speaking of moving on...

I met someone.

- That's where I've been.
- What?

- Spill.
- Okay.

Well... Lemon.

"For sale." Hmm.

Well, that's one way to
put yourself out there.

Personally, I would've gone for
something a little more subtle.

Maybe "lease to own."

Hilarious. (Chuckles)

Um, Zoe, Lemon and I have plans,

but maybe I could fill you in later?

Oh. Yeah, sure.

It's okay. She can stay.

Well, A.B. Was just about to
tell me about her new boyfriend.

No way! Who is it?

Well, there was this patient,

and he kept coming into
the office. I knew...

♪