Hart of Dixie (2011–2015): Season 2, Episode 9 - Sparks Fly - full transcript

- I took the job.
- And right to the point.

I told them I couldn't start
till the first of the year,

thinking I could spend that
time here, see if it works.

And if it doesn't, you
take the job in Dallas.

Ruby doesn't get to swoop in and take him.

We were in love once. And Lord
help me, I still think I am.

Just so everything's out on
the table, I called Tansy.

I don't see her as a placeholder.

If that's how you think Zoe sees you,

then you should talk to her.

Hey, I was actually hoping we could talk.



Talk? We don't talk.

Are you gonna come over later?

I... I... I don't think so.

Hey, stranger.

- Noticed you didn't come by last night.
- Yeah, I've been,

- uh, working pretty late.
-Wow.

You've been pulling double
shifts, like, all week.

Saving up to buy a two-Wheeler?

- Been short-staffed at the rammer jammer.
- Yeah?

At the office, too.

We still haven't hired a receptionist.

And worse, brick is making the coffee,

and refuses to read the directions,

so he's probably making more patients sick



than came in sick.

Okay.

So... later?

Yeah, I don't know.

Double shift, right.

I'll see you.

Wanda, the election's far from over.

I mean, can't you just take
those posters down? I was

going to, but now that
they're a real-life couple,

doesn't it just make you smile?

I like to imagine them talking up there.

"Hey, Ruby."

"Morning, Lavon."

"How'd you sleep?"

Is that weird?

Not at all.

Lemon Breeland.

Darling, I, um... I have here

a list of all the bachelors

who are entering picnic baskets

in tomorrow's charity
bachelor blind auction.

- You know, for the Shakespeare society?
- Mm-hmm.

And, well, I noticed that
your father isn't on it.

Oh, Dash, you know daddy never enters that.

Well, I do.

But, you see, this year's

production of Twelfth
Night hangs in the balance.

I know, he's just, you know,

getting over his break-up with Emily.

Still? Good Lord, it's not
like she's Chita Rivera.

Listen, Dash,

we all heal from heartbreak in our own way.

And maybe us Breelands just...

- take more time.
- Look, Lemon,

your father means a
great deal of cash to me,

so he might as well just
push aside this heartbreak

and jump back into the game.

Because frankly, I refuse to do

Twelfth Night again in choir robes.

Hey, you got a few?

Aah, aah, aah!

Oh, I'm so sorry. I should've knocked.

No, that's okay, I use coffee

to wake up, and now I'm up, so...

- No, um, I was wondering if...
- Did you get my message?

- I called...
- Oh,

I'm sorry I didn't call back.

- I didn't realize you were...
- Um...

Ladies first.

- Oh, okay, um...
- Please.

Okay.

How do I get custody of Dolly Parton?

Uh... well...

first off, as an officer

- of the court, I feel like I should stop you...
- Oh, uh,

Dolly Parton was my dog.

I should have said that.

Yeah.

- Yeah, probably.
- Well,

my ex-boyfriend Colt... you
remember, he tried to shoot you

with a crossbow and then
you shot yourself in the leg?

Yeah, the safety... the safety was off,

- but yes, I do remember Colt.
- Well, we had

this dog, Dolly Parton, that
I love with all my heart.

And Colt got Dolly Parton

in the breakup because
I went to live with mama,

who claims she's allergic to dogs.

And Colt went to work on the oil rig,

and now his evil ex-girlfriend, Evelyn,

has Dolly Parton, and
Dolly Parton hates Evelyn

because she makes her wear this
stupid tutu and never takes her

to the dog beach, and I saw them yesterday

and Dolly Parton is fat, and I want to know

how to get her back.

Okay, now I'm done.

Well,

I would love to help you,

and I will do some looking
for you, but without

any type of legal agreement,

it might be a little bit of a long shot.

I just wanted to tell you that, I mean,

it might be one of those cases where

possession is nine-tenths of the law.

What's the other tenth... Lawyer's cut?

I'm sorry... that was rude, and

here you are, nice enough to
give me a free consultation.

Right?

Yeah, for you, any time.

- Okay.
- But, by the way,

uh, since you're here,

and I've been so unhelpful
with your predicament,

I was hoping that you might be
able to help me out with mine.

- Well, sure, what is it?
- Well,

Dash made me promise to enter a basket

in tomorrow's bachelor auction, but to be

honest with you, there is...

only one girl that I
want to have a date with.

And... you want to know

what to put in the basket so this girl

will bid on you... I get it.

Okay, um, what do you have so far?

- Actually, Tansy, I...
- Wait, um, no, no, no.

- Don't tell me, let me guess.
- Um...

Takeout lunch for two from Fancie's:

Glazed chicken,

potato salad,

two slices of maple pie,

and... linen napkins.

Mm, nah...

Okay, yeah, how'd you know?

Well, it doesn't take a psychic.

You're, you know, kind of predictable.

Oh, in a good way.

You're just so... George Tucker, you know?

And the kind of girl you like
is gonna love your basket.

Maybe just toss in some cupcakes,

spice it up... good luck.

And thank you.

And look at the view... you
can see all of downtown Dallas.

Oh, and the building has
a full gym, a swimming pool

and a spa.

Oh, I can't wait for you to come
see it, you're gonna love it.

You know what?

Enough apartment talk.

Tomorrow is the bachelor
auction, and I plan to win you,

Mr. mayor, as my date.

So, come on, spill it.

What's in the basket?

I can't tell you that.

Fine, if you want to be a
goody two-shoes about it.

I can't tell you what's in my basket.

But I can tell you I left it open...

- in the study.
- Ooh.

In case I just happen to
wander in and take a peek?

Which I will, because

I plan to spend every second
I have left here with you.

Hmm.

Okay,

day six of Wade avoiding
sex with me... discuss.

Whoa, whoa!

Look how late I am for something.

Hey, maybe you two

can talk about it, huh?

Seeing as you both are here.

Good at girl talk.

Okay, look, I know you've
had your differences,

but please talk to her.

Because if Zoe Hart is
left alone in her own head,

Lord knows what calamities might ensue.

Hey!

Yeah, okay.

- Okay, I give in.
- So, this is just

too juicy to not discuss.

- Yep.
- Okay, so Wade turning down sex? I mean,

you check his pulse?

I know, right?

He has an all-access pass to zoeland.

He doesn't have to wait in any lines.

And then all of a sudden, he just...

What?

Oh, my God.

Wade is bored.

No! What, Wade?

- Bored of Zoeland? No.
- Yeah, it...

it's true.

He's already seen my light parade.

Spun my teacups, ridden my Space Mountain.

Now he's on to the next amusement park.

I'm sorry.

It's okay. You know,
it was bound to happen.

Yeah.

Wait, you know what?

If it helps, you...

you always have a front-of-the-line pass

for ice cream, with me.

Thanks, Ruby. I appreciate that.

Okay.

Bye.

Curling?

Seriously?

Anything played at a professional level

can be compelling.

Okay, daddy, I know that you
are still hurting over Emily,

but watching a bunch of Canadians

chase after a weird thingy over ice

with a bunch of brooms is not the answer.

That weird "thingy" is called a stone...

I don't care.

Listen, what I meant was,

is that sometimes in order to heal

you have to just get back out there

and push that old heartbreak aside.

Yeah, like a curling stone.

Okay, you need to turn that thing off.

Right now.

Sweetie...

Daddy, we are Breelands, okay?

And Breelands do not give up.

Which means you, Brick Breeland,

hottest commodity in the over-40 category,

are going to enter a basket

in tomorrow's bachelor auction.

And I...

am going to bid on one.

Do we have a deal?

Mwah!

Hey-o, anyone home?

Wow, I was just coming over to talk to you.

Well, I... I saved you the commute.

'Cause the thing is, uh...

well... you know that
expression, "evolve or die"?

Okay, look, I know what
you're going to say...

I... I know I've been acting

kind of weird recently, all right?

And... and I've been...
I've been thinking a lot...

Look, I appreciate you trying
to spell it out for me...

I think we should go on a real date.

A real huh?

I... I know there's a whole,
like, Olympic gymnastics routine

going in your head right now,

and you're thinking you should
probably consult with Lavon

and half the town of Bluebell and...

I don't know, the Pope or whatever...

- Jews don't really have a pope.
- Just don't talk.

Point is,

if you want to go on
a date with me, just...

bid on my basket at the auction tomorrow.

I figure it's a perfect
way to go on a first date,

pressure-free.

You can just look at it
as an opportunity to, uh...

Test-drive.

You know, kick the tires, rev the engine,

take 'er for a spin.

Yeah.

Come to the auction tomorrow, doc.

Hey, Wade.

Hey, man, you got a second?

Tucker, haven't seen you in a while.

How goes things with Tansy?

Well, actually, about that,

I don't know.

But I'm hoping that she'll
bid on my basket today.

So I was hoping that
you might be able to, uh,

I don't know, kind of tell me

the kind of things that she likes?

Well, I can, but, uh,

I don't think they're very "George Tucker."

Okay, how about we just
pretend it's opposite day?

All right.

Wait, does that mean it's not opposite day?

Just start talking.

Things were going so well.

If it isn't broken, why fix it?

So it's not broken?

Oh, no, it is.

- So you're gonna fix it.
- Apparently, I have to.

"Evolve or die."

Says who?

Crocodiles have evolved hardly at all,

and crocodiles are awesome.

Why can't some things just stay the same?

'Cause I don't want this wart anymore.

Brick?

Hypothetically speaking,

if two people are completely different

and never do anything but fight,

is there possible chance
at a romantic future?

Dr. Hart, are you asking me out?

No.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen,

the auction is about to begin.

Will all the bachelors please report

to the bachelor corral?

Sweetie pie, I don't know about this.

I don't like the idea of
being bid on like cattle.

Oh, come on.

It'll be fun,

and we are opening ourselves
up to opportunities.

Remember?

Moo.

Lemon.

Walt.

What a surprise.

I heard about the fund-raiser,
thought I'd do my part.

Oh, you want to help the arts?

No, I want to help me.

Listen, that night we met in mobile,

I know the timing might
not have been right,

but everything else was...

anyway, I just thought this
might be a chance to try again.

You planning to bid on a basket?

Well, as a matter of fact, I am.

Well, I don't want to ruin the fun,

but if you like hazelnut truffles,

you can bid on mine.

Or if you like orthodontists.

Either or.

Oh, Tansy.

Tansy, hey.

I just wanted to let you know that, uh,

George Tucker is not who you think he is.

Hey, Lavon, you seen Zoe around?

No.

No, she called me a few times today,

but I ain't spoken to her.

You need something?

No, no. I'm good.

Ladies, it is now time to open up

your hearts and your pocketbooks

as we begin the bidding with picnic basket

number one.

That one's mine.

Now, a date with this
charming Bluebell beau

comes with two homemade bologna sandwiches.

Ten dollars right here.

Anyone want to bid against me, bring it on.

I will kick your ass.

And sold to Miss Wanda Lewis.

Okay.

Next is picnic basket number two.

Now, a date with this bachelor

boasts a delectable lunch

of homemade crab cakes, fresh corn salad,

and cherry crumble pie.

Ten dollars.

Oh, you have got to be kidding me.

A very enthusiastic ten dollars.

Do I hear $15?

George, isn't that that girl that you dated

after you broke up with Lemon?

Yep.

If you like shopping, you're in luck.

Going twice.

Sold for $30.

A date with Bluebell's very own...

Dr. Brick Breeland.

All right, ladies,

give it up for basket number three.

This bachelor seems to have...

Ruby!

Ruby, I've been trying
to reach you all day.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I've been in escrow hell
on my apartment in Dallas.

- What's wrong?
- It turns out

that Wade isn't bored with Zoeland.

He wants to go on a date.

That's good news, right?

No. He wants to go on a date,

which means he wants a
real relationship, you know?

He asked me to bid on his
basket and I'm freaking out.

Okay, listen, Zoe, this
is the natural progression

of relationships.

They move forward.

Yes, they evolve.

And he wants to evolve

with you; It's nice.

No, because we cannot evolve normally.

We're like those freaky

six-legged frogs that they
find in polluted waters.

Why?

Because what would a date
between us even look like?

What would we talk about?

I mean, look at his stupid basket.

What kind of guy tries to woo a woman

- with a beer crate?
- Oh, no, no, no.

Lavon's basket.

I forgot to look and see what's in it.

- Stupid Wade ruins everything.
- You know, no.

We're done with you, okay?

Right now you need to find out

which basket is Lavon's, come on.

Now, this bachelor would
love to wine and dine you

with taquitos from Jimmy
Rae's Mexican stand in mobile,

cherry strudel, and a...

and a blow dryer.

Why would you need a
blow dryer on a picnic?

Wait, do I need a blow dryer?

What kind of man would put
Mexican food with strudel?

I don't know,

but I intend to find out.

Ten dollars!

I hear ten dollars.

Do I hear $15?

$15.

$15.

$30.

$30, a woman who knows

exactly what she wants.

$30, going once,

going twice,

sold to Miss Tansy Truitt.

For $30,

a date with Mr. George Tucker.

Thank you, Lemon.

I just won a date with
a girl who can't wait

to show me the app she
uses to organize her closet.

I'm sorry, daddy,

but just try and think of her as practice

for a future actual date,
and then... and remember

to use really small words.

See, these are all my strappy sandals,

and these are my boots.

Oh. Come on, I'll help you

download one of these puppies for yourself.

Oh.

Goody goody.

And without further ado, on
to picnic basket number five,

with a bottle of Merlot,

a pasta salad,

and hazelnut truffles.

Ten dollars.

I have ten dollars.

Do I hear $15?

I had hazelnut truffles in my basket, too.

Whose basket is that?

Mine.

Where's Ruby?

Okay, he knows I love hazelnut truffles.

Ooh, look, this must be the basket.

Look. Okay, what if someone else

has hazelnut truffles in their basket?

You know, they were a
special at the bakery, so...

I know this is gonna be the one, okay?

I'm just, I'm going with it, all right?

$30!

Do I hear $35?

$35?

$35, $35.

$35.

$35.

Going once.

$35, going twice.

Sold to the lovely miss Lemon breeland,

a picnic date with, uh...

Oh, Mayor Lavon Hayes.

Oh, crap.

Lemon?

Lavon?

What just happened?

All right.

All right.

Another happy couple.

Now, moving on to basket number six.

And a very creative fella,

as we can see.

That's Wade's basket.

I got to give Wade credit

for upgrading from a burlap sack.

Ten dollars!

Ten dollars for the
lovely Miss Carrie Swain.

Do I hear...

$15! Sorry, but George Tucker
ended up out of my price range.

Well, then, may the best woman win.

20 bucks!

Ruby, I don't know what to do.

Look, I got my own mess to clean up, okay?

But the way I see it,
you only have two options.

You're right. What are they?

Bid on Wade's basket and keep seeing him,

or don't bid and you two are through.

- $25.
- $25.

Magnolia Breeland,

as if I don't have my own problems.

Daddy strictly forbade
you from bidding on a date.

You are too young.

$30!

$30.

$35.

I gave you that money to buy school shoes,

not to buy Wade Kinsella.

$35 going once.

Evolve or die.

$35 going twice.

And Wade Kinsella's bas...

- $40!
- ... Is sold

to Miss Magnolia Breeland.

You're grounded.

Wade, I am so sorry.

I was just about to bid

on your basket, I swear.

You know what, when I asked you out,

I pictured several outcomes, none of which

was my going out on a date
with Magnolia Breeland.

I know, look,

how about we go on a
date after your picnic?

I mean, Magnolia must have a curfew, right?

I'm busy later, all right?

All right, you know what, forget Magnolia.

This picnic is the date
that you asked me on,

and it's the one we're going on.

So just wait.

George Tucker, you stacked
your basket so I'd bid on it.

Yeah, I rigged the game.

I throw myself on the mercy of the court.

So yesterday,

the girl you wanted a date with was me?

Guess George Tucker's not as
predictable as you thought, huh?

I don't know what happened.

I'm so sorry.

How could you forget to
look at my basket at home?

I've just been so distracted
with this whole escrow thing.

The Dallas apartment?

Yeah, I should have known.

Lemon's a good sport.

Well, she's not, but I'm sure
if you explain what happened,

she'll step aside and
let us go out on our date.

No, it's against the rules.

As mayor, I have to set
a good example and all,

so...

Okay. Of course.

Well, then, I guess I'll
just see you tonight.

Uh, weird, huh?

What the heck?

Let's have a meal, huh?

As friends.

Why not?

As friends.

Oh, and I can't sit on the ground

'cause of my new titanium hip.

Yes, ma'am, you mentioned that.

Come on, 50 bucks

and I will do your chemistry
homework for a month.

100 bucks plus geometry, and you have

to convince my daddy
to let me have a tattoo.

And when the time comes,

I want birth control, no questions asked.

Dream on.

Front row tickets to
Taylor Swift next month,

I will drive you so you don't
have to go with your dad.

Plus, I won't tell your dad that you bid on

Wade's basket, which will spare you

from a month of being grounded.

You wait in the parking
lot at Taylor Swift.

Deal.

So... shall we?

So, like I said,

I... I was planning to
have this picnic with Ruby.

Yes, like you said several times.

What is it about the silly picnic

that's got you all...

Wow.

So, like I said...

What is she, like, the queen
of the fairies or something?

I mean...

Ruby is one lucky woman.

I mean, it's so thoughtful and romantic.

You should've seen it before I downsized.

I had this whole... gondola theme going.

A gondola?

With a gondolier?

Yeah.

It was bad.

Hey.

Hey. Sorry.

I just had to pop into the doctor's office

to go to the little girl's room.

No problem.

Uh... after you.

Why, thank you.

Look what I found in the office.

The Book of Amazing Facts and Feats.

Yeah, I use it to distract kids
when I'm giving them a shot.

Uh, you planning on giving me a shot, or...

No.

Okay, but listen.

Do you know the world record
for a guy walking on his hands?

870 miles.

I mean, why would anyone want to do that?

I... I don't know.

Why would anyone

bring a book on a date?

No reason.

It's a joke.

Who needs a book?

We can have a normal conversation,

people do it all the time.

I mean... it's just talking, right?

I mean, they teach parrots to do it.

Parrots can talk.

Have you heard about
those six-legged frogs

they sometimes find in polluted waters?

You know, I have never had
this brand of cracker before.

They're very crisp.

Well, I know you like the
ones with, uh, stuff in 'em.

Well, these got, uh, cracked pepper and...

Okay. Enough.

You know?

We have been talking about
crackers for three minutes!

Uh...

Look, we are acting all nervous,
but there's no reason to be.

- Well, I'm not.
- No, I know.

I mean, it... there's
no reason to be, right?

I mean, we have seen each
other naked, and way more.

Yeah.

Hey, how about some wine?

You have alcohol?

Why did we not start with this?

Uh...

Crap.

What?

I don't have a corkscrew.

You telling me I could put
together an entire outfit

without even looking inside my closet?

That's how I picked out
what I'm wearing today.

No. No, yeah.

I was like, okay...

dress, boom... sweater, bam.

- Bam.
- Shoes...

Voilà. Here I am.

That is amazing, what can be done.

I'm sorry, you can't be
all that interested in

- an app for clothes.
- Well, no, no...

I also have an app for hair.

- Oh, well, no... you know...
- I'm just kidding, I don't.

But look.

Fireflies.

Oh...

Can I have your corkscrew?

Well, not now.

We haven't even used it yet.

Well, can you use it real quick
so I can have it? I'll wait.

We're trying to have a date here.

Come on.

I'll take the next two
overnight shifts at the office.

Make it three, and you got a deal.

Man, you Breelands are hard-asses.

Seriously?

A taquito-strudel sandwich?

Come on. Just try it.

Okay.

Mm.

Mm...

Uh-uh.

No. Nope. Uh-uh.

Oh, my God.

- Do you actually like that?
- No.

I just wanted to see if
I could get you to eat it.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, you got me.

Oh... very humorous.

Ah...

So...

We have, uh, successfully conquered

- the heights of Bluebell.
- Mm-hmm.

What's the next

unpredictable thing you want to do?

You want to... want to
sneak into the church?

Rearrange reverend Mayfair's bibles?

Were you serious about that?

Wanting to do something unpredictable?

- Absolutely.
- Good.

'Cause we're gonna steal a dog.

It's like I think if I don't mention

Ruby's leaving, she won't.

But she is.

She bought an apartment.

Bought.

How is this gonna work?

Listen, Lavon, I know that it's hard,

but if you really care about
her, you'll make it work.

Oh, man.

I really hope that violin
music is playing in my head.

Nope.

Forgot to cancel that.

Yeah.

Oh, gentlemen, my apologies. Uh,

the serenade is off, b... but thank you.

Yes, thank you.

Such a beautiful signora.

You pay for an hour,

- we play for an hour!
- Oh, no.

- That's very kind of you, but we...
- No, we won't be needing

your services at all.

- Definitely don't need that.
- Si, signore,

we play until you dance.

The world's largest clam is no.

The tridacna derasa,
found in the South Pacific.

Can I just say, it's no wonder

kids let you give 'em a shot,

'cause they just want you to shut up.

Hey!

- Hey, guys!
- Hey, Tucker,

where you guys going?

Uh, apparently to steal a dog,

I... I think.

Wow. Good ol' Tansy.

Keeping Georgie-boy on his toes.

You know, this blind auction

throws together the wackiest couples.

Oh, they didn't get thrown together.

Th... they're dating.

They're what?

Yeah. No, I mean, I'm okay with it.

You know, he asked my
permission and all, so...

Oh, wait.

No, Wade, stop.

This is not about me being jealous,

okay? I'm just surprised
because George said

that he was, you know,
gonna start dating girls

that were serious contenders.

And now Tansy? Come on, I give it a week.

And why is that?

Because they're... they're
just so different, you know?

Tansy's the type of girl that goes to

monster truck madness with guys named Colt,

aka Todd Gainey Jr.

So what you're saying is...

if two people don't have
much in common, they...

They can't make it as a couple.

That's good to know.

- No, Wade, no. That's not...
- What, because, you know,

if George and Tansy
can't make it, then, uh...

Well, what are you doing, you know?

You asked me on this date,

- and I said yes.
- Yeah, and you

brought a book along 'cause you didn't

think we'd have anything to talk about.

And I was... I was totally wrong.

We had, um...

Crackers.

You know... why'd you even agree to this?

Why did you push for it to happen?

You know, everything was fine. I was happy!

Yeah, well, I wasn't happy.

Maybe I wasn't happy

- being a... a placeholder for George Tucker.
- What?

You know what, forget it, all right?

I don't want to evolve.

Excuse me, doc, I... I'm going back

to my cave, all right? I'm out.

Hey, Dolly Parton,

baby, just sit tight!

Mama's coming for you.

When you said steal a dog,

I guess it sounded like
wacky fun, but this is...

This is turning into breaking and entering.

You said you wanted to be less predictable.

- Ever bust open a window?
- Yeah, less predictable...

uh, well, can you please

stop before this date
becomes a legal consultation?

If I get arrested, will you be my lawyer?

That'd be so cute!

Okay, back up, baby. Back up, baby!

Okay, wait, wait.

Wait. Wait.

For the record, this is

crazy. Um... Yeah.

But you are a lady.

And since I am clearly

going to be an accessory

to this crime,

well, then...

Bluebell

can kiss my predictable

ass.

Lavon, it's me.

It's one thing to blow off my
calls for Ruby but for a picnic

with Lemon?

Anyway, things got

really weird on my date
with Wade and I really...

Dr. Hart.

We need your help.

And they just got weirder.

H...

Don't ask.

You know, sometimes I...

think about the time we had together.

So many good things,

mixed with all that...

pain.

But I want you to know

I don't regret one minute.

No.

You, Lemon Breeland,
were my first true love.

And I'll never forget you.

And to be honest,

me being with Ruby, I...

Well, I owe that to you.

Really?

How's that?

You opened my eyes.

Taught me what a real
relationship could be.

I think that's why I'm acting

so crazy with Ruby and
afraid of her leaving...

'cause I know that we,
we have something real.

Uh...

I have no doubt in my
mind that you, Lavon Hayes,

will find true happiness.

As will I.

So I thank you for the lunch

and for the dance.

It was lovely.

So let me get this straight.

You committed a misdemeanor to steal a dog?

George Tucker, the lawyer?

Actually, it's a class C felony.

Oh! Nice!

So you have dated Tansy for
all of about five minutes,

and you're already a wisecracking
wheelman in a gangster movie!

Doesn't anyone just want
to stay who they are?

Okay, look, I know that stealing a dog's

a little bit crazy, but I
gotta admit it was kinda fun.

Give me back my dog, you thief!

Oh, goody, more fun.

You can't take her!

She doesn't even like you!

Look!

That's just PTSD from her recent abduction!

Now let go, or I'm calling the sheriff!

Okay, listen, Evelyn,
there's no need to do that.

Let's just all take a
deep breath and calm down.

Just a little bit.

Who the hell are you?

And why do you know my name?

Because... I, I'm miss, miss
kinsella's, kinsella's... ?

Truitt. I went back to my real name.

Oh. Because I'm Miss
Truitt's lawyer, and she has

retained me to settle this
matter once and for all.

Now, who paid the
adoption fees for this dog?

I did. Miss Truitt.

Okay, well, then, Evelyn,

you and I would have to be both blind

and deaf to not agree

that clearly, Dolly Parton
wishes to return to Tansy.

Which makes this dog an animus revertendi.

I was told it was mostly pit bull.

Under Alabama state law,
any animal who has a habit

of returning to its owner...
as long as said owner has

established care and responsibility

for the animal... which
paying the adoption fees

clearly does... well, then
that animal is deemed to be

the sole property of said owner.

Meaning what, exactly?

Meaning give me back my freaking dog!

Put succinctly, yes.

You know what?

You can keep your damn mutt!

I got Todd Gainey Jr.

Double win!

Oh!

Oh, my God, that was amazing!

Don't worry, you're next!

Was any of that actually true?

Ah, well, you know, the law's
a living document, all that.

So, maybe "wisecracking
wheelman" suits you.

You two actually make a nice picture.

Yeah. Yeah, it's not a picture
I ever... pictured, but...

Yeah, she does bring out a side of you.

She does, doesn't she?

Maybe that's it;

maybe life's not a
picture. Maybe it's a movie.

And I, for one, am curious
to see how this one ends.

Hey! This is Dolly Parton!

♪ You took something of
mine, and I want it back ♪

♪ I don't remember saying
it was yours to have ♪

♪ and if I did, don't
rub it in like that... ♪

See? You just, like, you just catapult

the bird so it hits the pig.

Oh! Whoa! Lordy, lordy!

Now I know why my daughter has

her cell phone glued to
her body all that time.

Yes, it's addictive.

Listen, thank you so
much for the education.

Well, just because school's out

doesn't mean the teacher's gotta go home.

Let's dance!

♪ Don't do me like that ♪

♪ the road is smooth,
there's a Cadillac ♪

♪ now I'm running around
town chasing tire tracks ♪

♪ you stole my heart ♪

♪ and I want, I want,
I want, I want it back ♪

Hazelnut truffles.

Such a "comedy of errors," in keeping with

our Shakespeare theme.

I wonder if tonight matched up any

star-crossed lovers.

It's's hard to say.

How was your date? Any
sparks fly with Delma?

Only when her new hip
grazed the water fountain.

What about you?

How was your date with the mayor?

It was fine.

Mayor Hayes and I are friends,
but we both belonged, um...

elsewhere.

Glad to hear it.

Well, seeing as how we've both managed

to free ourselves and the night is young...

Would you care to join me for dessert?

Absolutely.

♪ And yeah, I want it back ♪

♪ give it back. ♪

Whoo!

Hey, Z. Got your messages.

How was y'all's first date?

A disaster.

Maybe some people can
overcome their differences,

but Wade and I... ? I shouldn't have gone.

Why does everyone have to change, you know?

I changed my whole life to come here.

Isn't that enough?

I need one of those remote controls

where you can pause life,

to make everyone stop where they are.

Those don't exist, you know?

Hey, hey, give it back.

Hey.

Hey.

I'm glad you're here.

Well, I snuck in in the back.

You know, in case there are

any rules about the mayor
having female company after dark.

I'm sorry we didn't go on our date.

Yeah.

But do you want to know why I'm not?

'Cause I know we have
what it takes to make it.

And that long-distance thing,

it's, it's not gonna change that.

I'm sure of it.

I hope so.

I realized something tonight, that, um...

I love you.

Um...

I love you, too.