Hart of Dixie (2011–2015): Season 2, Episode 6 - I Walk the Line - full transcript

I've decided to run
against you for mayor.

How badly do you want
to beat Rudy Jeffries?

Let me run your campaign.

George, this is Presley. She
works for a beer distributor.

I need to find somebody who
challenges me a little bit,

which is why I was wondering if

you might be free
for dinner tonight?

I'm not asking you
to be my boyfriend.

I was just wondering if you
could do "casual" my way?

Monogamous.

Yeah, I think I can do that.



You know, in high school, you had me
wrapped around your little finger.

Rudy:
Here I am

16 years later.

This race is far from over.

We may down in votes,
but I know

we will win this thing.

Don't know what I'd do
without you, Lemon Breeland.

Sometimes I feel
like you believe in me

even more than I believe
in myself.

(Crowd cheering)

Crowd:
Ruby, Ruby, Ruby!

(All cheer)

Oh, that's one more for Ruby.

Oh, I'm doomed.



Lemon:
No, no, no, no.

I will not have that kind
of talk, all right?

The mayor's race
is far from over.

Lemon, on the Eve of every

election for the last 200 years,

the pickin' chicken,
or one of its ancestors,

has accurately predicted
the winner,

and this one, oh,

is picking Ruby Jeffries
every single time.

All right, and somehow
I, a mere human,

have conducted polls every day
that show you now in the lead.

So, I'm up in the polls.

Ooh!

But I'm down in the poultry.

That's right. I said that.

(Laughs)

All right, listen,
all that matters

is tonight's big debate, okay?

You crush Ruby Jeffries

and tomorrow the only choice

that chicken will be involved
in is "breast or thigh."

Crush.
Crush.

Ruby:
Lemon? Mayor Hayes?

Oh, no, now, it-it-it's Lavon.

You know that.

Ruby: I know, but I
thought it might

be nice to say "Mayor Hayes"

since you only
have one day left to hear it.

Or we have to hear anything

from you at all.

I know we will all miss
the dry, scraping sound

of your voice against our ears.

I just wish this would all

be over with, so we can move on

to whatever's next.

Yes, indeed.

To whatever is next.

Huh.

(Giggles)

Oh, God, not one
of these pens works?

Damn it, Dr. Hart?

Why didn't you order any pens?

You know, there have been
many scientific advancements

since you were in school.

Besides gravity,
they've discovered

that women are not uniquely
adapted to order supplies,

make coffee, and answer phones.

Daddy, hi.

Should I come by after school
for my driving lesson?

Oh, honey, not,

no, not today.

Yes, you said you'd
teach me to drive if I got

my learner's permit.
Look, honey,

to be honest,
I rolled the dice on that one.

I never saw that happening.

But, daddy, I was really hoping
it be like that time when you

taught me to ride a bike.

Remember that?

Oh, yeah, sure, sure I do.

No, you don't
because it never happened.

Oh, now look at you:

You feel bad
and I hate to see you

feeling bad,
so teach me to drive.

All right, fine, tomorrow.

Right now, today
is fully committed

to finding a working pen!

Oh, Dr. Hart, you have

to fix my dad.

Ooh, I like that idea,
but I'm not a vet.

I'm serious.

He's crankier than usual,
plus now he's not eating

and I don't even think
he sleeps.

Well, that doesn't sound good.
I know, I'm really worried.

All right, I'll look into it.

I'm sure he's fine though.

I hope so because I'm all alone
with him at home now

and I am this close
to putting him in a nuthouse.

I found I can do it

with one form off the Internet.

Okay.

(Duck quacking)

(Clears throat)

Zoe:
Okay, I got to get going.

I have to figure out
a way to give brick an exam.

I wish I knew
a race track doctor.

They're used to dealing
with horse's asses.

(Laughs)

Ah, he's fine.

He just needs to get laid.

Oh, good, why don't
you tell magnolia that?

It's true.

Really, that's your cure
for whatever's wrong with him?

Mad cow disease? Brain tumor?

Laid.

Well, thank you for your
nuanced analysis of the problem.

But, one: Brick is dating Emily,
so I'm sure he's fine

in that area. And two:

Is sex that important to you?

I mean, if we were
to stop having sex,

would you turn
into a raging lunatic?

Uh...

No.

Okay, good.
Hmm.

Because you'd start having
sex with someone else.

You know, it's touching
how well you know me.

(Scoffs)

Where the hell are
the tongue depressors?

How do you run out
of cotton swabs?

This whole state used to be
just fields of cotton swabs.

Hey, brick.

What's up?

You know, it was never like this
until you came.

Right.

Hey, I'm just curious.

Is anything wrong?

Yeah, I can never get

a decent cell signal
in this place.

I mean medically.

Medically?

Yeah, you know, it's just
that you haven't been

your usual charming self,

which could be normal

for a man of your...

A man of my what?

Height.

And number of birthdays

to experience hypertension,
hormone imbalances,

anything that can make you...
My hormones

are fine, thank you

very much, but if I

do get pregnant,
I'll let you know.

Brick, you're scaring
your daughter.

And you're pissing me off.

So, I am telling you, as a
doctor, to let me examine you.

And I'm telling you, doctor,
the next, and only time,

that you will examine me
is at my autopsy.

Great, finally, something
to look forward to.

All right, no matter what

you just keep reminding people
that Bluebell is your home. Yes.

Okay, and now, Ruby Jeffries
hasn't set foot here

in 16 years and she just

waltzes in from the big city?
Oh, that's good.

Say, "big city."

And wants to tell us
how to run our town?

No, ma'am.

No, you bury her tonight,

the race is yours.

You trash her.
You bear down.

The "big city," bear down.

Yeah, punch her in the neck.

You hook in

and ground and pound.

(Grunts)

I've been watching
mixed martial arts.

I'm not proud of it.

Bear down.

Okay, up top.
Boom!

Hey.

Hey. I'm nearly done with work.

You want to go somewhere
and get a drink?

Uh, but we already
are somewhere to get a drink.

I know, it's a challenge.
When you job's selling liquor,

it's hard to leave work
behind for the night.

Yeah, I feel like I'm asking
a stripper to go out dancing.

(Laughs)

Nope.

No.
You look

very nice by the way.

But, if you want
to stick around,

I'm going to moderate
this debate

and then we can go out after?

Uh, I'll just go home
and change

and wait for you; I don't
need to watch the debate.

You already, uh,

you already decided
who you're going to vote for?

No, I just don't vote.

Uh...

Well, that is just not right.

You having to watch George
dating right under your nose?

Oh, it is okay, daddy.
I'm just fine.

You know what?

You seem like you really are.

Are you seeing someone?

(Laughs) Of course not.

(Giggles)

All right, well, there may

be someone I may

have feelings for and that's all
I have to say about that, okay?

Now, hush.

George: Okay, ladies and
gentlemen, if we may.

You already know
the candidates.

Lavon!

Thank you. Thank you.

Okay, to start out, I'm going
to ask each candidate

to tell us all in one sentence,

"what would make you
Bluebell's best mayor?"

Oh, and I would also like

to ask the candidates
to keep the discourse civil.

On that note, ladies first.

Rudy: Oh, uh,
thank you, George.

Thank you so much for that.

Because just like you
have to prune back

those lovely peach trees
that y'all have here,

to bear more fruit

sometimes you have
to cut back the dead wood

to create new growth.

(Cheering)

Mayor Hayes?

Yeah, I'll tell you why, George.

Because Bluebell is my home.

Yeah, baby.
Whoo!

(Cheering)

Lemon:
That's right, baby.

Though it has been a pleasure

having Ms. Jeffries
staying in it.

Uh, uh, Bluebell, I mean.

(Laughs) Not my home.

Not my home.

Uh, I just mean, that
if I had to face someone

for re-election,
uh, hers is a

nice face...

...to face.

Though I haven't seen
her face much, I mean.

She's been ahead
in the polls enough

that I-I spent the last month
looking at her behind.

(All gasp)

Back.

Back.

Looking at her back.

(Laughs)

Well, mayor Hayes,
perhaps, after

the election, we can
find a way to, uh,

work side by side?
Ah.

Hand in hand to unite the town.

Embrace our differences.

Kiss... the past...

Good-bye.

Indeed.

(Applause)

Am I the only one

that needs a cigarette
after that?

I think he likes her.

This does not happen
in mixed martial arts.

(Exhales)

Lavon:
Look, I admit I wasn't

on my "a" game last night.

That is because you are involved
with Ruby Jeffries.

I told you I'm not.

Then why don't I believe you?

You may be naturally
distrustful.

Due to the circumstances of
your life and whatnot. (Scoffs)

The entire town saw you

practically endorse her
for mayor.

I-I-I was, I was being civil.

Fine, then cut it out, okay?

You go out,
you be seen, but you

stay away from Ruby Jeffries,

lest you get "civil"
with her again

and hand her your mayor's hat

or gavel or whatever else
comes with being mayor.

It's nothing really.
It's just parking.

Hey.

It's your choice, all right?

You either focus

or you lose.

O-okay, focus.

Yes. Yes.
Bear down. Okay.

Okay. Got it.
Got it.

All right, guys, how do
we make up for voters we lost

because of last night's debacle?

I made that list you wanted
of still undecided. Great.

And look what I found...
right there on the edge of town.

I double-checked to see

if there weren't any doors
we didn't knock on.

That mobile home
wasn't there before.

(Shrieks) A new resident!
Oh!

Awesome, okay, great.

Everyone needs to take
absentee and proxy ballots

in case we find
any shut-ins at all.

And Annabeth, I need you
to go make sure that

whoever lives in that trailer
votes for Lavon.

Lemon, no, I'm not traipsing

through the deep woods,
knocking on trailer doors.

I have seen that movie,
and it is not a comic romp.

(Door opens)

(Clears throat)

Wade!

Uh...
Oh, you are so perfect

to go search through the woods
for a redneck trailer.

You'll fit right in.

Listen, anyone who cares
for Lavon must scour

the entire town
for additional votes.

I want to help.
What can I do?

Great, you make sure all of
your patients go to the polls.

I can do that.

Great, that's almost
two votes right there.

Ha ha.

Save it.

I don't need any grief from
any more Breelands this week.

What in the world
are you wearing?

Is that Wade's shirt?

(Mumbles) Is it?

Wade, I told you
to do your own laundry.

Stop putting your stuff in
with mine.

Oh.

Man, I really... hate... her.

Magnolia:
How am I supposed to drive

with you screaming nonsense
the whole time?

Ten and two, ten and two.

Your hands.

What do you think of when
I say 10:00 and 2:00?

Geometry and P.E.
Never mind.

The lesson is over.

But we hardly drove anywhere.

Oh, yes we did: We drove me
insane. Now, shoo, shoo.

(Groans)

(Groans)

(Clears throat)

I'll teach her.

You will?

Mm-hmm, if you
let me examine you.

Deal.

No take-backs.

(Scoffs)

George, listen.

Lavon needs all the help
he can get.

Do you know anyone
who hasn't voted yet?

Uh, maybe someone that I know.

A girl... uh, or a guy... I don't
remember.

All right, is this person
your girlfriend?

We're dating.
Is she old enough to vote?

Yes.

All right, then go.

Please, go, go.
Okay, okay.

(Phone rings)

Wade, did you check out
that trailer yet?

You remember my ex-wife Tansy?

Oh, good lord, well, does she
like you or hate you these days?

Well, I guess we'll find out.

Hey.

Hey.

I'll see you later.

Well, hey, you.

Hey, good morning.
Morning.

Listen, um, I...

I... I know that

we are in the early,
very beginning stages

of a relationship

and it's great, you know;
We're finding

new things about each other
each and every day,

and it's like a rose
unfolding...

George?

How can you not vote?

Oh.

I just think that corporations
and big money

have the system rigged,
and I don't want to play.

I mean, the "every vote counts"
thing is just a way to make

regular people think that
they have a say in things.

No, but they do.

That's the whole...
That's...

That's the whole thing.

All right, listen.

This election right here...
it's a clear choice.

All right, on one hand,
you got Ruby,

who wants to bring chain stores

and make this town
into a commercial hub.

And on the other hand,

you got Lavon, who believes in

keeping the values that have
defined Bluebell forever.

We get to choose our future.

It's what makes America great.

It's what makes America
"America."

(Laughs) Okay, okay,
slow down, Uncle Sam.

You're so cute.

(Laughs)

Fine, I'll vote.

You will?
Mm-hmm, for you.

Oh, come on.
Why's it embarrassing?

Just is, I mean...

Last time we talked about it,

you were all proud
of how great I was doing.

And after beauty school, mmm.

I was full of big plans
for my life and career.

Then, I didn't get
any clients and now,

I live in a single-wide trailer
on the edge of nowhere.

Hey, it's a mobile home,
all right,

and, wow, pretty damn nice one
far as I can see.

You're being sweet, but it's
not exactly living the dream.

(Sighs) And here you are,

probably about to open up
that bar of yours.

Uh, yeah, hey, anyway, hey, you
had a chance to vote yet today?

No, I didn't.

Well, (Clears throat)
It's all right.

You can, uh, come to town
with me, vote for Lavon.

No, I-I didn't because

I can't vote in Bluebell.

I don't live in town.

Yeah, you do. I saw a map.

I found out
from the utilities guy

the town line
is right over there.

I'm six feet outside it.

(Scoffs) Well, so, close enough,
right? Come on.

Wade, I can't.

You being serious right now?

Well, it's dishonest.

Oh, for God's sake, Tansy.
It's six feet.

Come on! Don't you
start yelling at me.

I do not have to jump every time

you say "frog" anymore,
Wade Kinsella.

And why you got
to make such a big deal

about all this stuff?
Just get in the car.

Why do you not respect
what I want?

This is why I'm taking
those self-empowerment DVDs

I get out of the library.

Oh, you must've
fast-forwarded

through the part
where it told you

how not to end up
living in a trailer.

Mobile home, which
I thank you to leave now.

Hey, Tansy.

Hey.
Go away.

Well, how much further
you want me to go?

I'm already standing clear over

in the next town!

Man:
Good luck today, mayor.

Woman: You coming
to vote, mayor?

Um.

L-Lavon, hey, ooh, hi.

Um...

What was that last night?

Hmm, uh, last night?

Yeah, last night, the debate.

Were... were you
flirting with me?

Flirting?
Yeah.

Whoa, ooh. What?

(Laughing nervously)

Are you saying
that you weren't?

Nope.

Nah-uh.

Why? Were you?
Was I?

Flirting with you?

(Scoffs)

Of course I was.

Yeah, I'm just a
giggly schoolgirl

with a big old crush
on famous Lavon Hayes.

Uh... (Nervous laugh)

Uh, uh, no, no.

Yeah, I-I mean, 'cause

what, we been talking,
and, uh, I was,

I was wondering about your plans.
My plans?

After the election, you know,
you seem like you've been

warming up to certain things
in Bluebell.

People.

Well, after the election,

I plan to be mayor,
so I plan to be busy.

No, no, I-I

I'm just, uh... saying.

If I lose?
Mmm.

Is what you saying, right?

With no other reason
to stick around town, right?

Well, don't you worry, mayor.

I'll be on the first bus
out of town.

Will you stop playing
with your phone, please?

Thank you.

Now, how are your
sleeping habits?

Horizontal.

Funny.

Diet?
Normal.

Hmm, I don't think
you're taking this seriously.

Also normal.

Well, I know that things must be strange
around the house now.

Lemon moving out.

You *** ***
all by yourself.

Okay, stop.
Dr. Hart, thank you. I'm fine.

I mean, if I've been a little

crabby lately I apologize.

Maybe it's magnolia driving.

After you give your first ***
*** ***

see if it doesn't make you crazy.

Fair enough.

Yeah.

And how are things with Emily?

They're great.

Um, it's just fine. Thanks

You know, maybe that's my, uh thyroid,

you should check it.

Okay, what is it?
What do you need my help with?

We, (Clear throat) this
trailer, uh, belongs to Tansy.

You remember Tansy right?

Yes, I do, and if you brought me
out here to mediate some dispute

between you and your ex-wife,
well last time I did that,

I got shot in the leg
with an arrow, so...

Well, you kind of

shot yourself in the leg
with an arrow but, uh

The safety was off.
Wait, it doesn't matter.

Anyway, I didn't bring you here
to mediate a dispute, all right?

Brought you here to link up
your truck with the trailer here.

You're going to drag it
about six feet that way

across the Bluebell town line.

(Laughing):
I'm sorry. What?

So Tansy can vote on
the election today, come on.

And you and Tansy discussed this?

Of course we did.
Come on.

But, you know, Tansy,

she's-she's got, you know,
"integrity" or whatever,

so, uh, she won't vote
unless she lives in Bluebell.

So, we got to bring her trailer
over into Bluebell.

George Tucker, if you touch
my house, I will have you

put in jail.

(Clears throat)

Well, see, I said
I discussed it with her.

Didn't say it went well, but,

you know.

You promised I'd what?

Well, I got desperate, okay?

I was trying to get all these

undecided voters
over to your side

and they kept talking about what
Ruby Jeffries would do for them,

as if she will,
and one guy said,

"hey, what will
Lavon Hayes do for me?"

Uh-huh, and-and you said?

Cut your yard.

I mean, it just sort of
came out so.

I'm not cutting people's yards!

It's just a few, okay?!

And paint one fence.

Oh, and one lady said that

she needs her birdhouse fixed

because squirrels can get in
the way it is now.

I don't care!
It's undignified.

It's votes.

It's buying votes,

and Lavon Hayes
does not buy votes.

Oh, really? Well, then you have
to do something, okay?

Because I'm out there
killing myself

trying to get you
every single vote by 5:00 P.M.,

and you act like you don't
even want Ruby Jeffries

out of our lives!

Oh, oh, oh! See?

That seems like
the most important part

of the whole thing to you!

Now why do you care so much

about getting rid
of Ruby Jeffries?!

You know what? I don't.

Okay? Because if you don't care,
why should I?

I quit.
What?!

You know what,
let her be mayor.

Let her be queen,
for all I care, you know?

Why don't you name
the whole damn town after her

if that's what you want?!

You can put out a little sign
right at the edge of town,

that says, "now entering Rubyjeffriesbell.
Population: You""

uh!

Zoe: Put your foot
on the gas pedal.

Okay, just switch off...

Oh, my God, I did it!
I made a right-hand turn!

I can drive! I have to text
everyone and tell them.

No, no, no, no!

No texting.

But that's like
it never happened.

Absolutely no texting
while driving ever.

Dr. Hart, no!
I need it back.

Please? I'm serious.
I won't text.

Why do you need
your phone so badly?

Never mind. Someone
was supposed to text me.

Whatever.

Oh... a boy?

No, it's just some guy... Lucas.

He said he would text me

about studying together,
and he hasn't.

I hate him.

I'm sorry. You know,
between you and your dad,

I have been competing
with cell phones all day.

I know. He's even
worse than me.

Yeah, it's weird, right?
Yeah.

Is everything okay
with him and Emily?

(Chuckling):
Yeah, like I keep up.

Hey, can you teach me
how to power-slide now?

No.

It's six feet, Tucker.
It is six feet!

It's kidnapping, Wade! Kidnapping!
I didn't call

George Tucker the lawyer,
all right?

I called George Tucker,
the guy with a trailer hitch.

And what if Tansy's vote
could make the difference

in Lavon winning,
and we didn't even try, huh?

Huh?!

Over there.

Go over there,
and you stay put.

Tansy?

What?

(Chuckles) Hey, Tansy.

Listen, I understand
that you got yourself

all settled here,
and you picked

a real great spot
for yourself, but I just

wanted to know
if you would consider moving

the six feet back to Bluebell
just for the day?

I'm sorry.
I cannot go back to Bluebell.

Too many memories.

What? 'Cause of Wade?
Oh, come on.

Tansy, heck, if everybody
who got mad at Wade

moved out of Bluebell,
the place would be a ghost town.

(Chuckles)

Here's how stupid I am:

I actually thought
when he showed up today

it was to see how I was doing.

He knows I got
my cosmetology license,

and never even asked me
to cut his hair.

Well, you could cut my hair.

What?

Yeah. You know, I'm pretty
well-known in Bluebell,

and I'm thinking if
I go walking around

with a brand-new haircut,

people might ask me
where I got it.

I'd be like a walking
advertisement for your business.

Yes, you would.

If... you come with us today
and vote for Lavon.

Deal. Get in here.

All right.

Oh, George the hero?

Oh, no, Wade,
stop it! Stop it!

You're embarrassing me.
You really are.

Hey.

There you are.

Lavon said you quit?

It's true.

Well, I'm not happy
about that at all.

That's you quitting on me.

I don't see how.

Because if you get Ruby

out of the picture and out of
town, I have a shot with Lavon.

I'm sorry.
I just can't do that.

Why not? Ruby doesn't get
to swoop in and take him.

I saw him first.

No, you didn't.

Well, okay, high school
doesn't count,

but you know...

No. I mean, I did.

I'm sorry?

Wait. You mean you and...?

Lemon...

We were in love once.

And lord help me,
I still think I am.

Does Lavon still feel
the same way?

No. No, I don't think so.

Does he know how you feel?

No. I mean, the last time
that we discussed it,

I insisted quite firmly
that I did not.

I mean, I was getting
ready to marry George.

And then working so closely
with Lavon during the campaign,

I felt myself...

I just, I allowed myself...

Oh, my. And there I was
throwing myself

at the mayor like he was on fire
and I needed to put him out.

(Chuckles) I'm so sorry.

It's okay. You didn't know.

Me always going on
about his body...

And how he'd look
under those clothes.

Good lord.

While all this time,
you already knew.

Annabeth. Hmm?

I'm not telling you.
I know.

Wade Kinsella. He's like a dog
I shouldn't have fed.

No matter what I do
to rid myself of him,

he always ends up in my yard.

Well, maybe it's fate then.

(Laughs) Hey, hey, hey, hey.

No laughing with scissors
back there near my head.

Beats a crossbow.

The safety was off.

Don't twist around. I can't see.
Sorry.

Fate. That's another word
for blind and deaf.

Yeah, sticking something out

everyone and their mother could
see didn't work from the get-go.

Come on.
Even from the start?

Yep. Fought
from day one.

For real? Why keep at it?

Thought it was "passion""

turned out we just
didn't get along.

Every clue that you're
not meant for each other

is there from the beginning,

but you want so bad
for it to work,

that you ignore all the signs.

Of course, taking 15 years
to notice is just nuts.

Hey, now, Lemon and I
were very...

What in the hell?!

Wade! Wade, stop the truck!

Wade, stop the truck!

Oh... oh, no!

Oh, my! It's okay.
It's fine.

I can't even see it.

(Screaming):
Wade...!

You keep checking your phone.

So?

You're waiting
for Emily to call.

That is none of your concern.

Did you have a fight?

No.

Did she break up with you?

No, she did not
break up with me.

She did not have the decency
to break up with me.

She hasn't returned my calls
for three days.

She'll send an occasional
text message

saying, "oh, sorry.
Call you soon."

With a little "u."

And she doesn't call.

When she first went back
to Charlotte,

we talked all the time.

Yeah, I know what's going on.

You don't know.

Yeah, right. I'm not stupid.
She's seeing someone else.

Or she was seeing someone
before she came down here,

and I was a vacation
or a mild diversion.

Stop.

You don't know.

And you have to stop
torturing yourself.

You mean torturing you.

Yes, that, too.

Look, if she won't call you,

you need to go
to north Carolina,

face her, and get the truth.

I'm not going up there.

I mean, I'd probably walk in
on her and her secret family.

Brick, you really like Emily.

That doesn't come along
many times in life.

I mean, yours, what, twice?

I just think that
a man of your...

Height.

You know, you can't
wait around forever.

You deserve to know the score.
I don't know what it takes

to get to Charlotte
from here, but...

There's a flight out of mobile
at 6:00. One hour, 41.

Go. (Chuckles)

You know, if I stop by
the house, pick up some clothes,

I could just make it.
Oh, Lordy!

What?

I forgot to vote!

One minute, 15 seconds.

Daddy...
Can't talk right now.

Look, you stay at your sister's
place tonight.

I have to vote by 5:00
and then take a quick trip.

But it's almost
exactly 5:00 now.

She's right.

Wait! Lemon gave me absentee
and proxy ballots!

Oh!

Dash:
One minute.

Doesn't write.

Oh, for the love...!

Dash:
20 seconds.

Well, anybody left?

Six, five...

Harley, ring the bell.

(Bell ringing)

Made it! I saw it.
It's legal. Now go.

I'll go turn this in
at the polling place.

Dr. Hart, no!

I have been promised
a driving lesson.

I signed it
before the deadline.

It counts as much if you hand
it in now or an hour from now.

Okay.

All right, let's drive.

It is only one vote.

It's a tie!

A tie? So now what?

Well, I dug up a copy

of the Bluebell constitution
and by-laws,

it says the first tiebreaker
is a recount,

which we already did.

So what's the next tiebreaker?

"A contest of athletic skill..."

Athletic. Yeah, bring it on!

"In which weapons are chosen

between iron club
or a pointed stick."

Next.

Then, by legal mandate
of the town's constitution,

the third and last
tiebreaker is...

The chicken decides?

And once it picks,
the result is final.

Well, how does a law like that
get in the constitution?

Oh, there's lots of old laws
like that on town books.

In auburn, Alabama,

it is officially against
the law to deflower a virgin.

So what?
In auburn,

you're unlikely to encounter one.
Hey!

I can't believe
this is happening!

And that chicken
always picks Ruby!

Man:
Hey, tom, what's going on?

That's right.

Meaning that Ruby
will stay in town,

giving her and Lavon a chance

without Lavon ever even knowing
how you feel about him.

I don't know if Lavon
even cares how I feel.

But you should be in the race.

Go tell him before
it's too late.

Don't put your heart
in the hands of a chicken.

You always give
such good advice.

I wish I'd had more to drink.

No, no.
You've had plenty.

(Door opens)

Hey, man, why aren't you in town
with everybody else

waiting for the results
to come in?

Watching a chicken pick
our mayor?

Come on.

We're gonna be the laughingstock

of every town in America.

You could be the mayor
of that laughingstock.

I won't be. The chicken
picks Ruby every time.

Okay, but what if it doesn't?

Then she leaves town.

Whoo... I'm guessing that isn't
the greatest outcome either.

So you can understand
my problem?

Yeah.

But does Ruby understand it?

That is unclear.

If that chicken picks you
tonight...

She never will.

You think that could happen?

Well, Lavon,

it is a chicken.

Okay, I'm going.
All right.

Get 'em.
Lavon, Lavon!

No, I can't talk now. There's something I got to do.
Wait. Lavon, please?!

Is it just me

or was last election day
an altogether quieter event?

Make ready the arena!

(Crowd cheers)

Tom, bring the chicken.

Yes, sir!
(Cheering)

Hey-o.

Guess what, genius?
The polls were closed already,

so even if I wanted
to vote, I can't!

Great day's work, Wade.
Really great.

Not only did you
endanger our lives,

you hijacked a house,
and because of you,

Tansy gave me the worst haircut
in the history of the world!

Yes, George, thank you so much.

You really are a
walking advertisement!

Wait, Tansy, I...

Well, nice work, buddy.

Go.

(Cheering)

(Tires screech)

Zoe:
Foot on the gas.

(Tires screech) Whoa!

(Cheering continues)

Ruby. Ruby, we
need to talk.

Okay, okay, hold on.

I just need to see
what this chicken's gonna do.

No. Now.

C-come on.
(Groans)

There you are, Captain America.

Hey.

I want to show you
my fancy sticker.

Oh, well, look at that.
Somebody voted.

And it's awesome that you did,

because if you wouldn't have,

Lavon would have
lost by one vote.

So, every vote does count.

I know. It really is cool.

Except, uh, actually,
I voted for Ruby.

No, no, no, no!

Presley, you were supposed
to vote for Lavon!

Okay, wait.
Are you mad at me?

No. No.

I just... I had, I had laid out
the choices for you,

and I thought that I made
the choice really clear.

Okay, so, it's super-important
for America and all that I vote,

but only if I vote
how you want me to?

No!

I mean, in this case,
yes, but-but no.

Wow.
No!

I mean, no.

Yes.
Wow.

Because I'm getting a real
strong "run away" vibe right now

that I think
I'm gonna listen to.

So let's just call this
a bullet dodged, okay, Captain,

and say bye-bye.

Oh.

And nice haircut.

Presley...

(Sighs)

Okay.

Yeah, I was flirting
with you in the debate.

But I didn't mean to.

You just bring it out in me.

And I thought I'd felt something
coming back the other way,

and if I got that wrong,
then I'm sorry.

But, oh, you're probably
going to be mayor anyway,

and I thought that would
make me feel bad,

but if it means
you staying here,

I really don't know
how it makes me feel.

You see what you did?

I was flirting with you, too.

But then you said you weren't,
and I got scared and...

Lavon, I've been hurt
by you already,

and I don't want to go
through that again.

And if I lose, I figured
I'd just skip town

without getting any
further... involved.

And what if you win?

Well, then I got myself
a big problem then, don't I?

Crowd (Chanting):
Ruby! Ruby!

Crowd (Chanting):
Lavon! Lavon!

(Cheering and chanting continue)

Hey, dash.

Hey.

Lots of excitement, huh?

Yes, it is.

Uh, what do I do
with this absentee ballot?

What?

T-Tom, stop the chicken!

Where is he?
Where's Lavon?

I don't know.

May I have your
attention, please!

As superintendent of elections,

I have examined
the ballot, and...

And I have declared it valid.

And by one vote, the election
goes to Mayor Lavon Hayes!

(Cheering)

Now, okay, now, now, now...

Can we locate Mayor Lavon Hayes?

And also Ruby Jeffries?

Can we do that?

Oh, my.

George:
Oh, I found him.

(Cheering)

Everybody, to our
new mayor, Lavon Hayes!

(Cheering) Oh, thank you.

(Laughs)

Thank you!

(Laughs) Excuse me.

Uh, excuse me.
Uh, excuse me.

I'd like to propose a toast.

While campaigning,
I got to meet

all of the good people
of this town.

And while I originally planned
to be on the first bus

if I lost,
I realized that there are

other things
worth sticking around for.

(Cheering)

To Bluebell!

(Computer beeping)

Brick:
Hey. Zoe, can you see...

Can you see me? Zoe?

Hey.

Brick?

Is that you?

Hey, can you see me?
Whoa!

Kind of, but you don't have
to lean in so close to talk.

Oh.

Where are you?

I'm at Emily's house.

Oh! Well, what happened?

Well, it was just
a misunderstanding is all.

I feel like such a dummy.

She wasn't calling me back

because she was working
double-time

so she could take some time
off... ain't that right?...

and she was gonna pay me
a surprise visit.

If I'd been another hour late,

we would've
missed each other entirely.

Oh, yay. That's great.

So everything's good,

and you are not
a pain in the ass anymore?

Well, I wouldn't go that far,
but, yeah,

things here are very good.

And I also wanted to tell you...

Oh, don't worry about it.

You don't have to thank me.

...to order supplies tomorrow.

I do not want that place

falling apart
just 'cause I'm here.

Okay?

Wait, what'd you say, brick? No.

Oh, bad connection.

You're breaking up. Ah!

Zoe...
Bad connection!

Hey.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I just came to
collect my things.

I thought that you'd be at
your party a little longer.

Yeah, I looked for you there.

What was it
you wanted to say before?

You know what? I...

I don't remember.

Huh.
Hmm.

I'm actually glad you came by.

You are?
Yeah.

I wanted to give you something.

Just to say thank you.

I couldn't have done this
without you.

(Chuckles) To be able
to work together.

I was a little worried.

(Both chuckle)

But look how far we've come.
(Laughs)

It's a candle.

I hope it's your taste,
you know.

I never know
what you want, so...

It's lovely.

Thank you.

It was a pleasure
serving you, Mr. mayor.

Congratulations
on your victory.

So I was right
about brick, huh?

He just needed to get laid.

It's a bit more nuanced
than that.

I doubt it.

He just needed
to feel connected.

Oh, it's a funny way
to feel connected,

choosing someone
that lives 600 Miles away.

I mean, it's a pretty
lousy start.

It's not about the distance.

You know, people can
conquer... Miles,

any sort of obstacle,
if it's meant to be.

Look at what we all
went through today

just to choose the next
two-year mayor of Bluebell.

You think we're remotely
qualified to pick

who we're supposed to be with
for the rest of our lives?

Hmm. Good point.

Hell, kind of decisions
I've been making recently,

I'm probably better off
letting a chicken decide.

What?!
(Laughs)

Ooh!
You are such a jerk!

(Sighs)

All right.

Looks like you're all set.

Thank you for getting me
set up again.

Sorry about Wade.

I should just hand out cards:
"Sorry about Wade."

No.

No, it's fine.

But I wanted to thank you for
giving me that advice earlier.

About finding clues to figure
out if you're right for somebody

right from the start, you know.

Kept me from chasing down
another wrong street, so...

Good God, if I'm giving
relationship advice,

the world is definitely
off its axis.

(Laughs)

But what I was hoping you also
might be good at is, uh...

...helping me fix
this haircut, somehow.

That I can do.

(Both chuckle)

I mean, if...
You trust me to.

I trust you just fine.

Come on.