Hart of Dixie (2011–2015): Season 2, Episode 20 - If Tomorrow Never Comes - full transcript

Wade Kinsella and Lemon Breeland
owning a business together?

Who cares that everybody thinks
we're gonna crash and burn, right?

Us working together
was obviously a mistake.

You have been blowing me off for a week.
I've barely seen you since the hospital.

What's going on with you two? There's
just something I have to tell her,

and I don't know how she's gonna take it.
I love you.

There is nothing
that I can't take.

George has moved on.

So what if he's amazing?

I won't let myself like him.

Why don't you just come live
with me on my houseboat?



I would love that.
ZOE: You guys are living together.

Big congrats.

DASH (on computer): BlueBell's most
unlikely twosome, George Tucker

and Tansy Truitt,
seem to be playing house.

Or should I say
playing houseboat?

Your fearless Blawker

caught them moving her stuff
into his vessel

as they set sail on the sea
of cohabitation.

Bon voyage.

(gagging)

(grunting)

(gags)

(coughing)

(gasping)



LAVON: Okay, a... five-letter
word for calling in sick.

Starts with a "H."

Mmm, "hooky".

As in "playing hooky"?

Yep. Uh, th-that's
a sign right there.

Even the-the crossword puzzle's
telling us to stay in today.

It does not say that. Let me see.
No,

wait, I didn't fill it in yet.

Hold on.
In case anyone is interested,

I just almost died.

You ran out
of conditioner again?

I keep telling you,
buy it in bulk.

ANNABETH:
Lavon.

Seriously, you okay?

I almost choked on a donut bite.
I couldn't breathe.

That happened to Lavon the other
day-- he choked on a walnut,

and I had to give him
a little pat on the back.

Yeah.
Exactly.

You were here to give him
a pat on the back.

I had to Heimlich myself.

I ju... I just

saw my future, and if
an asteroid landed

on us right now,

I would be the only one
in this house to...

to die alone.

The odds of that
happening are teeny-tiny.

Yeah, it's true--
I saw a special about NASA.

They got satellites
up there looking.

That is not the point.

I almost choked on a donut bite

by myself.

I hereby call to order the
owners' breakfast meeting.

Uh, excuse me, Wade, Lemon?

Before you start your meeting,

Shanetta and I were wondering

is this owners' meeting gonna be
like the others

in that there will be...

Is there gonna be yelling?

You two chuckleheads
caterwauling at each other

is giving Wanda anxiety.

Rest assured, there will be

no caterwauling today.

LEMON:
That is right.

Today's meeting is celebratory.

As the new owners
of the Rammer Jammer,

we have turned our first profit.

(whoops) Good news.

Well, enjoy your meeting.

Hmm. All right, jumping
into new business.

Yes.

I'm happy to announce that
I've taken the initiative

to reinvest the Rammer
Jammer's profits

in...
I'm sorry, you what?

Drumroll, please.

A bran-new flat-screen TV
for that corner over there.

You are welcome.

Why the hell would you do that?
Well,

since the days of the caveman,

live sporting events have
drawn paying customers

to local watering holes
such as this one.

Yes, the operative word
being "cavemen."

We are turning
the Rammer Jammer

into the sports bar
of our dreams, Lemon.

(laughing):
How great is that?

Try not great at all.

It just so happens
that I invested

that very same profit

into an antique parlor set
for the new salon area

of the Rammer Jammer.

We... we don't have
a salon area, Lemon.

That is why I bought
a parlor set,

Wade.

WADE:
You bought that?

As in we are now
the proud owners

of the world's most
uncomfortable couch?

(gasps) That is a settee.

Well, in that case.

And it is the first step towards

elevating the Rammer Jammer

to a destination spot
for Belles

and book clubs

and wine tasting groups
and knitting cabals.

That is the worst idea

I have ever heard.

I can't believe you'd
spend our money

on some crap like that
without telling me first.

How can you not believe it
when you went ahead

and did the exact same thing?

(pop)

Brick, hello?

You would not believe what...

We could run some blood if...
Yeah, but what's the point?

Are you kidding--
what is he doing here?

Dr. Hart, did you
not see that note?

Yeah, "Do not disturb"?

What am I, housekeeping?

You remember my nephew Jonah?
Jonah

who's supposed
to be in New York?

Brick, how about I take
the file and peruse it

at the bakery over a sweet tea?

I'll let you two catch up.
Yeah.

What file? Is that
one of my patients?

Always a pleasure, Zoe.

I cannot believe that you are
behind closed doors

discussing our patients
with Jonah.

As senior partner at this
practice, it is my prerogative

to consult
with other physicians.

You have a physician right here.

In house.

I cannot believe you are still

trying to muscle me out
of this practice.

No one is trying to...

I almost died this morning.

Choking on a donut.

And then I realized

I am totally alone and all
I have in life is my work

and you're trying to take
that away now, too?

Knock, knock, am I interrupting?
Yes!

Not at all.

I am desperate need of a doctor.

I'm having a medical
emergency in my tummy

and I need an immediate
transfusion of lunch.

Adorable.

You mind if I handle
this one, Doctor?

We are not through here.

We are not through here.

And I'm back.

I got some of that
all-natural cereal you like

with the nuts
and the grains and the...

little bits of rope
in it-- I...

just got to find a place to put it down.
Um,

sorry, my stuff seems
to be multiplying.

I tried to confine it
to one corner, but...

Listen, Tans...

So, we can't get to
the steering wheel.

So what? We just won't go
anywhere for a while, okay?

It's just temporary until
Tom and Wanda's bees are

out of my trailer.

I know, I know, and, baby?

Listen, you can stay
as long as you like.

It's not awful
having me live here?

It doesn't scare you?

No, nothing scares me.

(George yells) (Tansy shrieks)

TANSY:
I don't believe it!

Give me a hug.
I don't believe it.

(laughing, clamoring)

(whoops)

Hey, so y'all know each other.

What are you guys doing here?

We heard you moved in
with your new beau,

and we figured it was fate
telling us we ought to meet him.

George, meet my brothers--
Rudy, Rocket

and the scruffy one's Chicken.

Oh, uh, well, it is a...

Oh, come on over here.

Okay, we are doing this.

(laughs)

Hey, don't you worry, bro.

You'll barely know we're here.

What?
Where you want to put our stuff?

Come here,
you prickly porcupine.

Fancy Tansy.

Oh, didn't think
you'd still be here.

What, you think I'm gonna
storm out of here in a huff

just because Brick would
rather fly you in than consult

with his partner, who
singlehandedly has kept

this office going the
past couple weeks?

Okay, good, so we, uh,
we cleared that up.

I'm just gonna return this to Brick's.
Ooh...

Uh, what patient is it that
Brick doesn't trust me with?

I wouldn't know.
Your holding the patient's file.

Well, doctor/patient
confidentiality, so...

Well...

the odd's are I am probably

that patient's doctor,
so who is it?

Trust me, you're not gonna
want to see this.

You're gonna feel
like a jackass.

Just hand it...
Will you hand it over?

I'm telling you,
you're gonna feel...

(grunts) Ow, come...

(groans) What were you--
Israeli army?

What the hell?

Brick?

Brick has

a pituitary tumor?

He had an MRI a
couple weeks ago.

He said it was negative.

He told everybody he was fine.
He lied.

He's going in
for surgery tomorrow.

Well, you were right.

I do feel like a jackass.

Zoe, really, it's okay.

No, it's not.

I was not my best
self yesterday.

Where was I?

Uh, you were terribly
sorry you blew up at me

and you managed to make
my illness all about you.

Right.

Okay, I guess I was done.

Jonah says that it's
a non-secreting growth.

Yes.

I got the good tumor, lucky me.

The only thing
I have to worry about is

that my surgeon has a steady
hand and I don't go blind.

Right, but why
didn't you tell me?

Because you are what
we here in the southern states

refer to as a "blabbermouth."

Fair enough.

But you didn't tell Lemon
or Magnolia either.

Oh, the girls have enough
to worry about.

Well, this is huge and you need
your family around you.

I'm fine-- I've got Jonah
and I've got Shelby.

Oh, yeah, right-- Shelby?

Oh, you're serious.

Look, Shelby just doesn't
really strike me as the...

The caregiver type-- I know.

But from the second I told her,
Shelby, she's been amazing.

I mean, she's been
so supportive and...

Oh, a true, true partner.

Dr. Hart?

Are you okay?

(crying): It's just so important

to have a true partner in life.

You know, it's just... it's
something that I realized

yesterday having almost died,
choking on a donut.

Uh-huh.

You know I would love to stay
here and hear all about this,

but your tears are making me
profoundly uncomfortable.

Mm-hmm.

(snoring)

(grunts)

Hey.

Hey.
What are you doing?

Oh, nothing, just putting
away some of your stuff.

Okay.

Um... why?

You got a lot of nice things,
breakables, valuables.

Uh, don't want my brothers
doing anything to them.

Now, what do you imagine
that they would do

to my decorative minor league
baseball team shot glass?

I don't know--
maybe put something in it

you don't want in it.

Oh...

I love my brothers to death,

but chaos follows them.

You got a look at them
like overgrown kids

without reason, common sense
or commitment to hygiene.

Big infants really.

(men grunting)

Dude, we slept on a boat.

Hey, you should go up on
deck to see where we are.

Don't, he's gonna
push you over.

(groans) I can't believe
I almost fell for that.

So where are we?

Uh, we're docked.

So we... we didn't move.

Seems to me to be
a missed opportunity.

Hey, uh, Tans?

You gonna take us to
lunch later, or what?

I wish I could, but I've got

appointments all day, and...

I'm sure George
has to be in court.

Oh, no. No, actually,
Judge Perkins is sick,

so I-I mean, I could take
y'all to lunch.

Solid.
Hey, hey...

Chicken! Wake up!

Wake up!

Buenas noches.

We're gonna have lunch

with a lawyer today. (laughs)

Whoa.

Did we sleep on a boat?

Yes, we did.

Hey, um, you should
go up on deck

and go see where we are.

CHICKEN:
Where?

That's a good idea.

I was giving you an out.

I know.

But they're your family.

And I feel like I should...

try to get to know 'em.

All right.
Well...

maybe it'll be good

for them to have
you around, too.

You'll keep 'em out of trouble?

I promise.

CHICKEN:
Whoa, whoa!

(water splashes)

SHELBY: Oh, hi,
Dr. Hart.

Shelby!

Oh... okay.

How you doing with everything?

Brick told you about
the procedure.

Yeah.
He did.

Listen, if you need anything,

I want you to call me.

Brick is so lucky to
have someone like you

in his life right now.
Did you know that?

Sure.

As recent experience
has taught me,

there is nothing worse

than the fear
of facing death alone.

Death?

Nobody's facing death.

Brick said that this
is a relatively common surgery.

Oh, yeah, yeah. No, yeah.

It's common. And safe.

I didn't mean death like...

death death, you know, just...

when someone goes
under the knife,

you want to prepare for
any complications.

And the best way to prepare

is having a loved one, like you,

by your side.

You're a rock star.

Thank you? Uh...

CRICKETT:
It has come to my attention

that calendar protocol is
not always being followed.

Henrietta,

you might want
to take some notes.

I thought that I was done

being surprised by Wade,

but the man has
no vision. None.

Shh.

Crickett's talking
calendar protocol.

(scoffs) I did not
just say that.

Okay. What happened
this time?

Okay, you know that
antique parlor set

that you helped me pick out?
Mm-hmm.

He said that I
have to return it

because I didn't
run it by him first.

Like you're married,
or something?

Right?
Hmm. Tell me this:

have you returned
the parlor set?

No.

Not yet. Why?

Some people are...
visual learners.

So if Wade doesn't understand
what you're trying to tell him...

Right. I have
to show him.

Follow my lead.

Excuse me, Crickett.

I hate to interrupt

calendar protocol, but
Lemon has an emergency,

Code Red.

(gasps) By all means.

LEMON:
Okay, Belles,

listen up.

As you know, I have
recently taken over

the management of
the Rammer Jammer.

Tonight is our
very first big event.

It will be a...

wine tasting.

It will be...

classy and elegant,

and most importantly,
well-attended.

That's right.

Which is why we are invoking
the emergency phone tree

to spread the word, so...

(clicks tongue)
...hop to.

Oh.

JONAH:
What did you do?

What?

I just came from
the Breelands'.

Shelby left this taped to
the front door.

(sighs) "Dearest Brick,

"I can't tell you how sorry

"I am, which is why

"I am writing
this note instead.

"I will not be able to
take you to the hospital,

"and I can't see you anymore.

By the time
you read this..."

She left town?

Left town, left him...
she's gone.

It's all right there
in the letter.

Well, that's awful,

but it's not my fault.

No?

Keep reading.

"I was in denial
until Zoe Hart...

"opened my eyes

"to the risks associated
with brain surgery.

I went right to Google..."

Oh, geez.

Yeah. Nice work.

We have to find her
and fix this.

(sighs) Stupid Google.

Right. It's Google's fault.

CHICKEN:
Mermaids are real.

100%. 110%.

RUDY:
It's true facts.

I've seen two, maybe three.

Hey, George.

Are you catching the talent
at the next table?

Huh? Let's
invite 'em over.

You can have the blonde.

GEORGE:
Uh... Rocket...

I'm with your sister.

You... you do
know that, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, that...
that was a test.

And you passed. (laughing)

Oh, I knew that.
A-plus.

I-I knew... I... oh.
(explosion noise)

Okay. Here's what
we're gonna do.

We order two of
everything on the menu,

wait ten minutes,

then ditch.
Oh!

What? No.
Shh, shh. Here he comes,

here he comes.
Be cool, act natural.

(clears throat)

Hey, Tucker.

I see you've met
the brothers Truitt.

Wade Kinsella.

Screw over anybody's
sister lately?

WADE: Well, they do
have a long memory.

It's their best feature.

Thank you.
Let me guess:

Chicken's been drinking
since he woke up,

Rocket's been making googly eyes
at these gals over here,

and, uh,
Rudy just wants to order

everything on the menu,
then ditch.

That is an outrageous
accusation.

We want to register a
complaint with the owner.

I am the owner, Rudy.

(laughing)

He's the owner?

No, I mean the guy who actually
owns this restaurant.

Go get him.

Guys, actually...

No, it's all right, Tucker.

I won't let the Truitt Trio
ruin my good mood.

Guess what?

You enjoy your lunch.

All right?
I'll catch you all later.

Rocket, pass out them straws.

Chicken, start making spitballs.
What?

No. No, no...

no spit...
give me that.

No spitballs.

Guys, look, Wade is a friend.

And I know he's got
a history with Tansy,

and everything,
but the way I see it,

if things wouldn't have ended

the way they did with
the two of them, then I...

I never would've had a chance
to date your sister.

Okay?

He's right.

It's true, what Tansy says.

You are one in a million,
George Tucker.

I declare you

an honorary Truitt.

Let's get plowed!

Yeah!
(laughing)

I have been all over town,

and no one has seen her.

Well, Brick's supposed to be
at the hospital

in less than an hour.

Maybe we just bite the bullet,
and-and we tell him.

Absolutely not.

Brick needs his rock
by his side. He said so.

It is my fault
that Shelby took off.

I have to get her back here.

Did you do your homework?

Are we really gonna
stoop to this?

Mm-hmm.

Here you go.

Shelby's Internet history
from the last month.

If I wanted to snoop
through people's computers,

I would have become a lawyer.

Aha!
"Aha"?

Did you just say "aha"?

"Stow That Stuff""
What? Hmm?

Stow That Stuff. It's
the name of the store.

Check out the dates.

Every since Brick's MRI,
over half

of her retail therapy has
been done at the same place.

It's an organizer's paradise.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I-I've been there.

There's one
in the outlet mall. So?

So... what if that store is
her emotional oasis?

Like, where she goes
when she's upset or stressed.

Wow. I am like that
guy, Elementary.

You know that his name's
not Elementary.

You get Brick to the hospital.

Tell him that Shelby
will meet him there,

and I will make sure
that she does.

It was just another
Belles meeting.

Nothing special.

Hmm. I was thinking
about dinner.

Uh, how do you feel
about the Rammer Jammer?

Oh, my God, it's
like you read my mind.

I am dying to go to the
Rammer Jammer tonight.

(chuckles)

What's going on?

(sighs) It's Lemon.

She has something
awesome planned

for the Rammer Jammer tonight,

and I think we should go.

Lemon's... throwing something
at the Rammer Jammer?

Tonight?

Yeah, it's kind of a surprise.

For Wade.

But she doesn't
want him to know

until he see it,
so... (giggles)

What?

Lavon?

You didn't elect me union rep
because of my good looks.

I got an agenda here.

We're gonna go through it,
point by point.

First off,
did everybody get a hat?

Then she said, "The Rammer
Jammer needs a flat-screen

like a flounder
needs a Ferrari."

I mean, that's crazy talk.

You know, there are live
sporting events on TV

24 hours a day.

Sports that aren't
gonna watch themselves.

For example, you know, tonight,
there's a Mixed Martial Arts

World Championship
on pay-per-view.

Of course there is.

Now, see, that's
the kind of event

that would fill a bar.

You return that
flat-screen yet?

Not yet. Why?

Well, I'm thinking

if she's not going
to listen to reason,

what she needs is
a demonstration.

All right, watch this.

Hey, Sal, sorry
to interrupt, man,

but, um, my good friend
and longtime member

of the BlueBell
Longshoreman's Union

has an announcement to make.

Wade.
Uh...

Now, some of you may know I recently
took over the Rammer Jammer...

This is a disaster.

How could you encourage
Wade to hold Fight Night

at the Rammer Jammer?

You know the type of people
that show up

to mixed martial arts?
'Cause I do.

Fight Night is a moneymaker.

Wade is right.

You know, BlueBell needs
a sports bar,

not a-a... wine saloon,
with frilly tablecloths

and antique sofas.

It is a "salon,"

not a saloon.
Oh...

And Lemon is just trying
to elevate the place,

and the people in it.

Well, as someone who's spent
more than their fair share

at the Rammer Jammer,
I didn't realize

I needed elevating!

We can't do this.

We cannot have our first fight

over those two yahoos.

Okay, we need rules.

Now, for the sake
of our relationship,

we-we swear to steer clear of...

of Wade, Lemon,
and the Rammer Jammer

for the next 24 hours.

Deal.

Shake on it?

That's one idea.

Wade's a liar!

A lying liar!

The lyingest liar in Liarville.

Okay, guys, let's-let's dial it
back just a little bit.

You saying he's not a liar?

He said, "Enjoy your lunch,"

and then he kicked us
out of his bar.

That's a liar.
Okay.

Well, to be fair,

you did throw all that
stuff at him, okay?

Napkin dispensers, and soup,

and all of that
Parmesan cheese.

And then you drew on the walls.

It's called modern art.
If I was a artist,

people would pay millions
for those drawings.

You're not an artist.
You know

what rhymes with "liar"?

"Lawyer."

No, actually it doesn't.

RUDY:
I got an idea.

Let's find Wade's car
and push it in the lake.

I love it!
RUDY: Or...

we can pee in his tailpipe.

Pee in the tailpipe!
Pee in the tailpipe!

Or-or we could go back
to my houseboat

and you guys could
sleep it off.

Is this how you lawyers
handle being wronged?

You go home and you take a nap?

RUDY:
We made you

an honorary Truitt.

I'm not peeing in his tailpipe!

'Cause you scared?

Or because you don't
pee standin' up?

(laughing)
CHICKEN: It's okay, it's okay.

You can do it
from a sittin' position.

I pee like everyone else!

Okay? And I can pee

on one leg if I...
You know what? I don't...

I do not need this.

G.T. out.

Wade, you might want
to hide your car.

Take that.

Ooh!

A battery-operated
battery container? Genius.

Zoe! What are you doing here?

I am bringing you
to the hospital.

Oh, no, no, no.
I'm not going there.

Oop! Wahoo!
Brick needs you.

I saw your note and I'm sorry
if I scared you off.

This has nothing to do with you.

I thought I was strong enough
to be at Brick's side when he...

(sighs)

But I learned something
about myself.

I crumble in the face
of sickness, injury

and human frailty,
and my affection for Brick is

just not strong enough
to overcome it.

Shelby, with all due respect,
I don't care.

All I care about is
that you are there

when Brick goes into the OR.

So, let's go.
I am not going anywhere with you.

Well, then I guess
you're aren't going anywhere.

Because I have your car keys,

your wallet, and, hmm,
your coupons.

Don't you touch my coupons!

Then don't make me.
You owe this to Brick.

You said you were
gonna there for him,

and you're gonna be
there for him.

You can either
follow me out right now

or I'm gonna rip up
these coupons, and I will.

Ooh.
I'm coming.

I will rip them.
Give me those!

I will rip them.

Give me those coupons!

Sal called.

Shrimp delivery's in.

I was thinking maybe you
could head down there,

quality-control the shrimp
and bring it on back.

Hmm, as I recall, I did the
shrimp delivery last week,

so that would make it
your turn.

Well, as I recall, I inventoried
the freezer for you

three weeks in a row,
plus my car's not here,

so, uh, maybe you should
take care of that.

(giggles)

It is so nice
not to have the burden

of you-know-who's disputes
hanging over our heads.

Oh, I totally agree.
Hey, let's split up.

I'll get the salad,
you get the dessert,

meet you at the front.

Okay.
All right.

(phone rings)

Lavon, you would not believe
what's going on over here.

I can't get Lemon out
of the Rammer Jammer.

I'm running the cable now,

but I don't see how I'm supposed
to set up the TV.

Okay, listen up now.

You didn't hear this
from me, but...

You need to set up immediately.

I am trying, okay?

Crickett has got a van
full of parlor furniture,

but I can't set up
until Wade leaves.

And he is acting
really squirrely.

I'll bet he is.
Wait till you hear this.

A wine tasting?!

What the hell is
a mixed martial art?!

Just set up the TV.

She can't stop you.

Half that place is yours.

Do not back down.

There you are.

Perfect timing!

Hey, has Brick gone in yet?

No, no, he's still in pre-op.

How did you get her to...?

I'm a persuasive speaker.

Here on Earth,
we call it kidnapping.

It's a gray area.

Are you sure about this?

Absolutely. You've seen
the studies.

Patients who are going into
surgery knowing

they have a loved one
waiting for them

have fewer complications.

Except, as you may
recall from my note,

I'm no longer his loved one.

Well, he doesn't need
to know that.

All he wants to see
is your smiling face

before he goes under.

So you're gonna march
into that room,

show him that smile, and be his rock.
Are we clear?

As a tear.

What do you mean, you don't know
where they are?

You just left them?

Tansy, they left me
no choice, okay?

You were right, your
brothers are children.

You can't say that
about my family!

What? You-You
said it yourself!

I'm allowed to.

They're my family!

And you promised that you'd look
out for them! You promised.

Tans... Tansy, hey, baby,
where are you going?

Lord knows what kind
of trouble they got into.

♪

I don't see what
the problem is, Lemon.

Several of your closest
and smelliest friends have

established residency
in my salon area.

And those seats are
reserved for the wine club!

Well, If you didn't want
our patrons sitting on

your brand-new furniture,

maybe you should have
returned it

like I told you to!

Oh, you mean the way
that you returned the TV?

Oh, wait, you didn't.

Lemon, the BlueBell Decanters
are getting a little antsy.

Yes.
And we were promised a California merlot.

And it is coming.

Why don't you get
your group together,

and I'll be right with you?
Thank you.

Yeah, that California merlot?

It's on its way back
to California.

What?!

Yeah. Well, I thought there must
be a mistake with the delivery

seeing as how the wine tasting
wasn't on the books!

Because it was supposed
to be a surprise!

My goodness, I could kill
you right now

and not even lose
a wink of sleep!

You know what?
Hold that thought.

It's fight time.
(chuckles)

All right, party people,
we got a great thing coming.

If y'all would just direct
your attention

to this beautiful, new
flat-screen TV,

I present to you Mixed
Martial Arts championship!

(cheering)
Yeah, baby! (clears throat)

Uh, hold on one second.

Well, it was working
an hour ago. We'll get it again.

Bad news of epic proportions.

The cable's been cut!

Oh, I'm sorry, was that

a part of your TV thingy?

See, I was outside earlier,

trimming the hedges
of our property

when I saw this white weed
running up the building,

so I clipped it.

And then I clipped it again
just to be sure.

Wade, where's the fight?

Well, I'm-I'm
working on it, Sal.

Work faster. I convinced
my bookie to come here.

You don't want
an unhappy bookie.

He said if there's no fight
to watch,

there's gonna be
a fight to watch.

I think he meant that...

I get it. Thank you.

This evening is not going
at all as planned.

(phone rings)

(clears throat, chuckles)

Hey, Sheriff Bill.

Uh, can you get a message
to Tansy?

I sure can.

I got her brothers
locked up here.

You wouldn't believe what they
were about to do in my tailpipe.

Okay, now remember, big smile,

then give him a hug and a kiss

and only say
nice supportive things.

Honeybear!

Hey, Shelby!
You made it.

I just came to wish you
good luck.

Well, now that you're here,

I know everything's
gonna be just fine.

Oh, looks like it's time to get
the show on the road, Brick.

Don't let 'em cut out
anything you might need.

I'll be right here waiting for ya.
Okay.

No, just wait-wait-wait!
I need to say something.

Shelby, before I go under,

I just, I want you to know
how much I love you.

Aw, Brick...

Now I was gonna wait

until after the surgery
to ask this,

but hell, time waits
for no man, right?

So, Shelby, sweetheart,

I am sorry this is not in a
more romantic setting, but...

...will you marry me?

Yes?

(laughs)

Yeah, all right!

Yeah! (laughs) Oh! Okay!

You happy with yourself?

Okay, I'll admit,
Brick proposing

was an unforeseen bump
in the road,

but overall, not a big deal.
Really?

Not a big deal?
This a big deal to you?

Kind of a big deal.
You didn't have to say yes!

Of course I did!

Yeah, some plan, Zoe.

A kidnapping,
a proposal. What's next?

Brick gets out of surgery,
Shelby breaks up with him.

Problem solved.

Hell no! I already
wrote that note.

You tell him.

Yeah, "Hey, welcome back Brick.

Here's a big bowl of heartbreak
with your Jell-O!"

Look, Brick was gonna get his
heart broken one way or another.

All we did was defer
the heartbreak

until after the surgery
to save his life.

Is there an Olympic Mental
Gymnastics team?

'Cause you would be a lock.

So, how's that sauce coming?

Oh, my God, Lavon,
I can't do it anymore!

What?

If I have to keep this lie
from you one second longer,

I think I'll explode.
I know that

we swore up and down that we
would stay out of it,

but I couldn't.
I called Lemon.

You did what now?

I told her about Wade

and the dockworkers

and about fight night.

Say something.

Thank God.
I did the same thing.

You did?!
What is wrong with us?!

Why couldn't we leave it alone?

I don't know.

You know, maybe one of the
things we like about each other

is what great friends
we are to our friends.

Oh, I like that better
than my answer.

What's that?

That the vacuum created
by their clashing wills

sucked all the air out
of our brains?

Maybe we should get over there.

Okay, here are your options.

I hold them overnight,
someone bails them out,

or I release them
to your custody.

Well, Sheriff,
they are a handful,

but I think I'm gonna have
to go with option "C."

SHERIFF BILL: Your custody
means your responsibility.

So be sure.

I'm sure.

I mean, they are
Tansy's brothers.

Which makes them family.

And this is what you do
for family.

Have I said thank you
yet today, George Tucker?

How long have you been
standing there?

Long enough to hear you
call my family yours.

Well, they didn't leave me
much of a choice.

They, uh, they made me
an honorary Truitt.

George Truitt!

(whooping, laughing)

That's right!
Our brother!

Not sure what that makes you,
though, Tansy.

Shut up, idiots.

Hope you like dead bees,
honey and the smell of chemicals

'cause you're gonna be
staying at my trailer

from now on.
(groaning)

And if I hear

that you have even been

in spitting distance
of any more trouble...

I'm calling Mama.

Take me home,

George Tucker.

Yes, ma'am.

You really think
she'd call Mama?

(scoffs) No.

(whooping)

(laughter)

Good Lord.

LAVON:
What the hell is this?

(cackles)

Wanda?

What's going on?

Welcome to the Rammer Jammer's

first annual
Wine and Fight Night.

Where's the wine?

There is no wine.

And there is no fight.

Y'all enjoy.

(whirring)

Turns out, they don't
even care about wine,

they just wanted
to taste something new.

So I mixed up all these
specialty concoctions.

We're gonna discuss them later.

You don't say.

Yeah, try this one.
I call it Beyoncé's Navel.

So, I learned
it's human nature.

People like watching athletic
events while they drink.

Any athletic event.

(chuckles)
Even ladies arm wrestling.

Crickett is really strong.

(arm crunches on table) Ow.

Boo-ya!

Who wants some of this?

Hey, Wanda,
tell Lemon the good news.

I just did a
preliminary accounting,

and this has already
been the biggest night

the Rammer Jammer's had
since you two took over.

We're flush.

(squeals)
And the night is still young!

Up high, partner.

What up.

You know this is all
'cause of us, right?

Up high, partner.

(rhythmic beeping)

We talked to your surgeon.

He said it was a total success.

You can expect a full recovery.

You'll be back
to your cranky self

within days.

Okay, so...

why are y'all looking at me
like someone died?

Look, there's something
that you should know.

Oh, my God!

Your doctor gave me
the good news, bless his heart.

Oh, actually, we were
just telling him...

You are out of the woods
and I just wanted to say...

I can't wait to marry you

and start our lives together.

Was I interrupting something?

And despite our upper
management issues,

we managed to pull together
a pretty kick-ass night.

We might consider that
there is room enough

for both of our visions.

Maybe the Rammer Jammer
just needs to be big enough

for wine tastings
and UFC championships.

Maybe all we need
is more space.

Right.

And to that end, what if we
tore down that wall over there?

We could turn
our storage area into,

get this, a function room.

For special events.

Wine tastings. Fight night.

Book club, fight club.

I mean, how hard is it
to take down a wall?

You are a human wrecking ball.

Just when I thought you
couldn't make things any worse.

Maybe she had
a change of heart.

I think it's sweet.
Yeah?

You think it's gonna last?

Thanks to you,
Brick is gonna marry a woman

who will most certainly
not be sticking with him

in sickness and in health.

We don't know that for sure.

Okay, maybe we do.

It's not your place.

I mean, wh-why did you
have to get involved?

Because I didn't want him
to die, all right?

I will deny this
if you ever repeat it,

but that stubborn, crabby jerk

is the closest thing I've got
to a father in this town.

Okay. I... I get it.

And if you want...

I can tell Brick about Shelby.

I mean, it's not like
I didn't participate.

No. It's my fault.

As soon as Shelby leaves,
I'll do it.

(sighs)

All right, on three.

One... two...

three!

(grunts)

Holy crap, it's rotted.

What? (yelps)

(Wade coughs)

Oh...

(electrical crackling)

Wade?

How much is this
gonna cost to fix?

Uh...

a lot more than we made tonight.

Oh...

(sighs)

(rhythmic beeping)

(sighs)

Oh,

it is true what they say.

There is nothing more boring
than a hospital room.

Believe it or not,
I am glad to see you.

Well, then, you should try
to hold on to that feeling,

because there's something
I need to tell you.

Whoa. Anything starts
like that cannot be good.

(exhales)

Listen, as much
as you care about Shelby,

and I know that you do,

I believe that you're making

the biggest mistake
of your life.

Yep, and I was right.

Shelby left town
because she couldn't deal

with you being sick.

She left you a note.

I had to drag her back here.

She's a fair-weather fiancée

who can't be trusted to stay
with you for better or worse.

Well, maybe for better,
but no one stays better forever.

And what's the bad news?

Hey, she panicked, Zoe.

It happens.

And who knows, maybe she was

afraid that-that I would die

and that she would
be left alone.

But certainly you
can understand

how that fear can make
one act irrationally.

Like maybe kidnap someone,

or threaten their coupons.

She told you?

(laughs)

Hey.

Truth is, I-I love Shelby.

I can't help it.

And-and I will just
take all the time

that she is gonna
give me and...

and consider it a gift.

Even if you know that
it might not last?

You're willing
to take that risk?

Zoe, we are all
gonna die alone.

You know why I proposed

when I did?

Because, God forbid,

if I hadn't made it
to the other side,

at least I put my
cards on the table.

I let Shelby know how I felt.

So if there's someone

that you care about
in this world,

the risk lies in not
letting them know

while you have the chance.

ZOE:
Hey.

Are you alone?
Uh...

yeah.

What are you doing here?
(chuckles)

George.

I have learned that
life is unpredictable.

For example: I almost
choked to death

the other day on a donut hole.

Oh.
I'm okay.

But I realized

that I don't want
to die with regrets.

Which is why I'm here.

To tell you that I made
a mistake when I told you

that we shouldn't date the day
after you didn't get married.

A huge,

life-altering mistake.

And I'm hoping that it is not
too late to change things.

Because, well,

I like you.

I still like you.

I still more than like you.

Actually, I'm pretty sure
that you are the one for me,

and I realize that my
timing is terrible

because you are
currently with someone,

but I need you to know.

Because no regrets!

And now you know.

That's all.

I'm not expecting
a response right now.

Oh, you're gonna get one, Zoe,

and it's this:

(shouts): Are you out of your
freaking mind right now?!

Seriously.

You had every opportunity
in the world to be with me,

and you didn't take it.

You sent me out to go find
a real relationship.

Well, guess what I found?

A real relationship.

It's with Tansy,
and it's awesome.

So, I am sorry if you almost

choked to death with a head
full of regrets.

That must have been very scary.

But next time...

...take smaller bites.

Okay. I regret that.