Hart of Dixie (2011–2015): Season 1, Episode 12 - Mistress & Misunderstandings - full transcript

Harley Wilkes
was your father. He left you his practice.

You share a generator with a guy,
Wade Kinsella.

Whenever I come around,
there's always sparks.

Thank you for caring, Dr. Hart.

I wish there was a spell to just blow
Zoe Hart right on out of this town.

She didn't turn out as bad
as I thought.

If you can't control your own fianc?...

...how in the world can you expect
to command the Memory Matrons?

You are a good friend, Lavon.

Probably my best friend
at the moment.

Judson show up? Did y'all hook up?



No, we did not. Judson and I,
I don't think are meant to be.

Good morning,
lovely ladies of BlueBell...

...with your fancy hats
and your eyes full of wisdom.

How I cherish
these moments together.

- What's gotten into her?
- Must be the drugs.

Morning, Tom.

Don't you look dapper today?

I love you.

Wade. Hey. Hi.

I'm so glad you're here.

I'm heading to Dixie Stop later,
to get some milk...

...and I thought I'd get you those pickles
you like. Need anything else?

Shelley. Hey. I'll have the usual.

You don't have a usual.



Heh, oh, excuse me.

Is it just me
or is she acting really weird?

Only one reason a girl who hasn't had a man
for months is suddenly euphoric.

No. Trust me. It's not that because
I've been trying for months.

Maybe someone else tried harder. Ha, ha.

I told you I was gonna win.

- Congratulations, Lawrence.
- Thank you kindly.

It was a tough case. For you, I mean.

- We both fought hard for our clients.
- But I fought better.

- Well, I wouldn't exactly say better, heh.
- Well, you don't have to say it.

I won.
That pretty much says it all, doesn't it?

Addy, my dear, have you ever-
Hi.

- woken up...

...and just really, really appreciated
how beautiful life is?

How could I not?

Sal.

Hey. How are you, buddy?
I've been meaning to come by...

...and pick up more
of those famous shrimp of yours.

Even though the veins still give me
the heebie-jeebies.

Open up.

Aah.

- Yeah, your pharynx is swollen.
- Yeah?

All right. I'll check out your heart.
If you could unbutton for me.

Ooh.

Ouch, who got on your bad side?

Oh, that's Mr. Scampi, my cat.
He's got jealousy issues.

He doesn't like it
when I have guests over.

Lady guests,
if you know what I mean.

Unfortunately, I do.

So did you start feeling sick
before or after he scratched you?

- I'm not sure.
- You know, it's probably just a flu...

...but to be on the safe side,
you should get Mr. Scampi looked at.

All right, I'll just call Judson at-

I mean, Dr. Lyons,
and, uh, have him schedule a checkup.

- We're gonna get through this together.
- Okay.

- Thank you.
- Uh-huh.

Next!

Are you absolutely positive?

Oh, good work,
AnnaBeth, good work! Okay.

Um, I'll see you tomorrow
to go over the details for the luncheon.

Oh, and do not forget
to call the florist today.

We don't want overgrown dahlias
like last time, okay?

That a good squeal or a bad squeal?
I wanna prepare myself emotionally.

It's official.

Delia Ann is the new chairwoman
of Alabama Junior League.

This means the position
for Memory Matron is wide open.

- Know what this means?
- That it was a good squeal?

Everything I've been working so hard
for is finally paying off.

Oh, Lemon Breeland, Memory Matron.
Oh, it's so exciting!

I'm very happy for you. You deserve it.

Don't jinx me.
She hasn't appointed me yet.

I need something to seal the deal.

I could do a buttering-up dinner for
Delia Ann, make her favorite dishes.

- That would seem a little desperate, huh?
- No, you think?

Wait. Aren't you friends
with Delia Ann's husband?

No. Lawrence beat me in court today,
so I wouldn't necessarily call us friends.

I also wouldn't call us friends
because I hate him.

Oh, you can't let one little case
ruin a friendship.

- You two are golfing buddies.
- We play golf together occasionally.

A drag because he is the most
competitive man on the planet.

He makes us play with mulligans
so he can have his "do-over" swings.

- Oh, no.
- George.

No. No, baby.

It's one little dinner.

I mean, how competitive can a man be
over a turkey pot pie?

I guess we'll find out.

Hey.

- I need to talk to you about Zoe.
- What about Zoe?

Don't tell me you haven't noticed
all the smiling? All the pleasantries?

The nice things
she's going out of her way to do.

Buying a man his pickles even when
that man doesn't ask for them?

Maybe she bought you pickles
because she likes you.

Or she bought them on account
of all the great sex she's been having.

Zoe isn't having sex.

Or is she?

As her landlord,
friend, and general confidante...

...I'm sure I would know
if she had a buddy in the boudoir.

Unless it was a secret buddy.

Or like a death row inmate
who escaped and she was hiding him...

...on account of her secret, hidden,
liberal agenda.

Not one of my more popular theories,
but I like it.

- This is really bothering you, isn't it?
- Bothering is a strong word.

It's a matter of curiosity is all.

Mm-hm.

I know how we can find out
what's really going on with Zoe.

Hidden cameras. I'm with you.

We can go over there and ask her.

Or we could go the obvious route.

One second!

Hey, guys. What are you doing here?

We just wanted to come in for a minute,
catch up.

That is so sweet.

Unfortunately,
my place is a complete disaster.

Yeah, I've had the craziest week,
lots of new patients, no time to clean.

So if you guys don't need anything...

Oh, uh, actually, it's kind of a mandatory
house meeting thing.

You know, give us a chance
to talk about our feelings and issues...

...kind of a Real World style.

Sounds incredible.
Pencil me in for next week.

Thanks for stopping by. Okay.

You can come out. They're gone.

- You think they saw me?
Definitely not.

Now, are you ready to do...

...what I never thought I would do
in BlueBell?

- Girls' night!
- Girls' night!

All right.

Well, clearly, there's a man in there.

Well, guess that answers that.

You know, that movie was amazing.

I never ever laughed so hard
at diarrhea before.

Heh, AnnaBeth, you don't have to whisper
about bodily functions in my house.

Another reason I'm having
such a good time, heh.

Diarrhea! Vomit!

Snot, poop, pee, period! Vagina!

- Oh, my goodness, let's not get carried away.
- Mm-hm.

I never realized
how funny you were, AB.

Thanks for calling me the other night.
I'm really glad you did.

Oh, you surprised me too.

You were so brave
with that whole Belle initiation.

You helped me with my fertility situation
even though you didn't have to.

And this is seriously the best night
I've had in ages.

The movie, the wine, no coasters.

And this pizza is incredible.

It's frozen from the Dixie Stop.

It tastes like cardboard
and spray cheese.

Really good pizza is the size of your face
and handed to you by a guy named Vito.

Lemon doesn't allow us to eat pizza.

I do not know how you deal with her.

If you can accept she's always right
and you're always wrong...

- ... it's not hard to be her friend.
- I couldn't do it.

That's because you're strong, fearless.

- Aw.
- I'm sorry I can't tell her about us.

She's more stressed out than normal.
I don't wanna push her over the edge.

It's really okay.
I have been having fun sneaking around.

I really missed having a girlfriend.

- Mm-hm.
- I mean, like a real friend...

...someone who gets you.

It was the best part of med school.

My roommates and I would hang out
in the dorm rooms...

...drinking, talking about boys.

Ooh. Boys. Let's talk about boys.

My husband, Jake, likes to talk
about the defensive line for Auburn...

...while we're doing it. Your turn.

Yeah, I don't have anything to tell.

Uh-uh.

Come on now.
Heard a rumor about you...

...and that dreamboat vet,
Dr. Judson Lyons.

Things with Judson are complicated.

- He asked me out, but I stood him up.
- Hmm.

Then I felt really bad.

I thought maybe
we'd have another chance.

But then he slept with my friend, Gigi.

Well, you're single, unattached...

...free, free, free.
You should be having sex with someone!

- Oh, no.
- Like your landlord, Lavon Hayes.

Oh, he is so gorgeous.

I mean, like drop-dead-
spank-you-on-the-ass gorgeous.

- I'm married so I can say that.
- But Lavon is like my brother.

Then what about door number two?
Wade Kinsella.

You can see into his window.
He must sleep naked.

- Does he sleep naked?
- No.

- Hmm?
- I mean, I don't know.

Okay, so Wade and I
have had some tension.

You know,
we had a moment over Christmas.

But I just don't think
I could ever go there.

He's just so Wade.

Which equals delicious.

- If you don't go there, you are crazypants.
- Heh.

Okay, let's make a list of all the guys
in town we would sleep with...

- ... if we could.
- Oh, man.

Mm-hm, I'm gonna go first.

- Uh, Lavon Hayes.
- Oh, shocking.

- Then Lavon Hayes again.
- What do you know?

And then Wade Kinsella.

Oh, and Hank Doherty. Mm-hm.

And Jeremiah...

Are you sure
the sunflowers match the brie?

I'm not even sure what that means.

Okay, baby. Don't be nervous.

All right? It's gonna be a great night.

Just me and you and the mulligans.

Oh, Lemon.
- I'm sorry. It's gonna be fine.

Oh.

Good evening.

- Welcome to our home. Heh.
- Thank you for having us.

What a considerate and timely offer.

- What you got?
Brought along some Pictionary.

Thought we might play
a friendly little game after dinner.

If you're interested.

That is so weird,
we were just talking about Pictionary.

- We love Pictionary. Don't we, George?
- We sure do.

Great. I'll just run out to the car
and get my easel. I'll be right back.

The man brought his own easel.
I'm just saying.

There's a lot of guys it could be,
you know?

Hank Doherty is available
or Franklin from the bait shop.

No, I don't see Zoe with Franklin
from the bait shop.

The lobster tattoo alone
would be a deal breaker.

Someone from out of town,
someone we don't know.

A New Yorker maybe.

I hear JT's single now.

I don't think it's Justin Timberlake,
Wade.

Look, I get this is killing you, but
maybe we didn't see what we think we did.

Hey, Lavon.

Got a delivery for Zoe Hart.

Think it's from the guy
she's been having secret sex with?

- Hey.
- Just saying. I mean, there is a card.

Get up out of here.
I'm gonna call my alligator.

Burt Reynolds!

- It's not the worst idea.
- Hey, ah, ah, ah.

Lavon Hayes is a man of integrity.
I do not snoop.

Lucky for you, Wade Kinsella
is not such a man of integrity, ooh.

- No.
- Fake out, ahem.

Ahem. "So glad you called.
I've been thinking about you.

XO, Judson. "

No. Zoe would not sleep with the guy
who slept with her alleged friend, Gigi.

You know what they say.

If it walks like a duck
and it sounds like a duck...

...then the doctor of the duck
is banging Zoe Hart.

- Titanic?
- Really?

I don't remember Leo having
a skull and bones flag...

...when telling Rose to never let go.

Good Lord, guess something
so we can move on already.

- Mutiny on the Bounty.
- Oh, so close. So close, baby. So close.

Joe Versus the Volcano.

No. So far away now.

You gotta just put...

- Pirates of the Caribbean.
- Yes! Did you hear that?

She said it. We win.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

We win. We win, uh-oh, ooh.

Oh, what's this? Oh.

I hate to interrupt
your little halftime show...

...but technically we are tied.
We got The Princess Bride.

Oh, you did, you did,
after the timer ran out.

It wasn't after the timer ran out.

Look, look, you don't have to admit
we played better than you tonight.

All you gotta do is look at the board, heh,
and the board says we won.

As a wise man once told me,
winning says it all, doesn't it?

Yes, well, I think I have had
quite enough fun for one evening.

Oh, but, um, we haven't even had
dessert yet...

...and I... I made peach cobbler.

George.

Man, you believe that guy?

Didn't even stay for cobbler.

I come bearing gifts.

Mm.

I'm surprised you let me in.

Wow, who are these from?

Look, no point in pretending,
you know?

I'm happy you're having sex
with someone.

- I'm surprised by the choice-
- I'm not sleeping with Judson.

Well, it sure seems that way.
The happy glow, the sneaking around...

...not letting me and Wade in tonight.

All right,
look, if I tell you what's going on...

- ... do you swear not to tell anyone?
- Yeah.

I was hiding AnnaBeth.

Oh, no, ew. We're just friends.

- Friends who make out?
- Friends who are friends.

Friends who sometimes make out?

I see.

No one is allowed to know this
because?

It's not that no one can know this.
It's that Lemon can't know this.

AnnaBeth and Lemon are really close,
but Lemon hates me.

And apparently, right now,
she's even more screwy than usual...

- ... because of Memory Madame.
- Memory Matron.

Yeah, so, AnnaBeth doesn't think
this would be a good time to tell her.

But eventually she's gonna tell people.

Yeah. You know, well,
I just think it's difficult for her...

...and I'm not so sure that her friends
and family would embrace me.

But she's my friend, and I am really,
really happy to have a girlfriend.

- I'm just trying to be understanding.
- That's what mistresses say.

- I am not a mistress.
- Really?

You're sneaking around, lying,
keeping your relationship a secret, heh.

The definition of a mistress.

- You're making a bigger deal of this.
- I'm calling it like I see it.

If I asked her to,
if I said it was important...

...I'm sure
that AnnaBeth would out us.

Then ask her.

Because a real friend is someone
you can walk through town with.

Fine.

- Hello.
- Hey, AnnaBeth, it's me.

- Listen, I think that we should-
- Sorry!

I'm not interested
in any subscriptions today.

Thanks, Carl.

Oh, my God.

I am a mistress.

A mistress named Carl.

AnnaBeth, I don't mean to stalk you,
but I really need to talk to you.

Will you call me? It's-

It's Carl.

Hey, Zoe. So I checked out that cat
you asked me about.

Oh, great.

Heh, this is gonna sound so cheesy.
You get prettier every time I see you.

Heh.

- Right. It sounds cheesy.
- I've never been too good at flirting.

Next time don't start with:
"This may sound cheesy. "

Kind of gives away your game.

So how did it go with Mr. Scampi?

Poor guy has what's called
bartonella henselae infection.

Cat scratch fever.
Probably caught it from some fleas.

Then he probably gave it to Sal.

I'll get him a prescription
for azithromycin.

- Thanks for getting back to me.
- No problem.

Did you get my flowers?

Yeah, I did, and the note.

I've been thinking about you, Zoe.
A lot, actually.

Look at you, flirting better already.
You're a quick learner.

Does that mean
I can buy you breakfast?

I don't think so.
But A for effort, doctor.

Well, thank you, heh.

- All right, I'll see you later.
- Bye.

Hey.
She doesn't seem that interested in him.

- So they're not together?
- Oh, no, they're totally together.

Thanks.

Joelle Sugarbaker.
Looking fine as ever.

What do you say I buy you coffee?

- You sure can.
- Heh.

You've been quite popular this morning.
Who is calling you?

Uh, my Aunt Irene. She's a little senile.

Okay, you need to make sure
the ribbons are curled properly.

See? Easy as pie. Do them again?

- Quick like a bunny.
- Mm-hm.

How many women you got coming
to this thing?

This thing is a luncheon
to honor Delia Ann's promotion.

You remember her?

The woman you told
to "suck it" last night.

- Just trying to keep up with Lawrence.
- Well, you succeeded.

- Was I really that bad?
- You were that bad.

But I don't have time to be angry,
you get a free pass.

I'll take it. Love you.

I need to talk to my daddy
about the Scotch.

You keep working on the centerpieces.
It looks like a second grader did them.

I got your text. I know you're busy,
but I really need to talk to you.

- Okay, call me, An-
- Addy?

Addy?

What is your problem?

Me? Nothing.

Why do you look all stuck?

Oh, oh, stiff joints.

Oh, yeah, they freeze up sometimes.
Weird, huh?

Uh, Sal's back.

Sal? Oh, great.

I'm gonna go to the exam room
and catch up with Sal. Goodbye, Lemon.

Is it me or is she acting stranger
than normal?

It depends on what you consider normal.
What can I help you with, Lemon?

I'm having a huge, extremely important
luncheon for Delia Ann Lee.

It is imperative
I have Daddy's best Scotch.

Oh, Brick's in with a patient right now...

...but you know where he hides
the good stuff. Be my guest.

How could you've lost the prescription?
I had Addy hand-deliver it.

I don't know. I just lost it.

I get so absentminded sometimes,
I don't know what I'm doing.

You said you've been feeling better.

Which would indicate
you've been taking the medication.

Would also indicate
you didn't lose anything.

Dang! You're like a doctor detective.

What's going on, Sal?

Mr. Scampi scratched my lady friend
last night.

And his medication hasn't come in yet,
which means he's still sick...

...means he probably gave her
what I just got.

Possibly. Have your lady friend come in
and see me.

I'd be happy to prescribe her
the antibiotics after I give her an exam.

The thing is she's married.

She ain't coming in. She don't want
anybody to know about us.

Oh, I see.

So you're a mister.

You know, like a mistress.

You're a man so I said mister.
I see how that's confusing.

- She's treating you like a chump.
- It's not like that. She loves me.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Does she make you wait around
until she's free?

- Yeah.
- Does she return your calls...

...even after you've called four times?

- No.
- Stop letting her treat you like this.

Well, what am I supposed to do?
Ask her to pick one of us?

Yes! That is exactly
what we're supposed to do.

I mean you.
What you are supposed to do.

So you're not gonna give me
the prescription?

No. She can come in and see me
or go to Mobile if she wants discretion.

I will no longer aid
in covering up someone's secrets.

Go.

Faster.

AnnaBeth, I can't do this anymore.

I don't wanna be a mistress.

You're gonna have to choose.

It's either Lemon or me.

- Hello?
- Zoe, uh, hey, it's Judson.

- Oh, hey, Judson.
- Listen, I just wanna make it clear. Uh...

I like you.

Sleeping with Gigi
was wrong and stupid.

I hope you give me a second chance.

I appreciate the effort,
the flowers and the romance.

But I'm just kind of distracted right now.
It isn't a good time.

- Oh, okay.
- But, Judson, I like you too.

Oh, okay.

Bye.

How about that? She likes me too.

That's what I said.

Judson, huh?
How's that good, old boy doing?

Fine. I guess.

Mm, peanut butter.

- Yoink.
- Hey. I was using that.

Sorry. I didn't see your name on it.

- What the hell is your problem?
- Me? No problem.

I'm peachy keen, jelly bean.

There you are.

Hey, baby.

- What are you looking at?
- Yeah, doc?

What are you looking at?

You seem intrigued. Wanna join in?

You are an infant.

I'm sorry, but I told you.
It's not a good time to tell her about us.

- Lemon is-
- Crazier than usual.

She's always crazier than usual.

- Because she's crazy.
- I wanna tell her, I do.

But I'm just so bad with confrontation.

Yesterday,
I came up with this good idea...

...to have petit fours
at today's luncheon...

...but Lemon shot me down,
and I caved.

You can't let people
walk all over you...

- ... because you're afraid of them.
- I don't mind, really.

Look, I was the only woman
in my surgical residency.

You think those doctors
would've taken me seriously...

...if I didn't assert myself?
Let me help you.

- I don't know, Zoe.
- Oh, come on.

You're always saying
that you like that I'm brave.

Why don't we see
if we can make you fearless too?

AnnaBeth, that apple looks enticing.

And I haven't eaten an itty bitty thing
all day.

- I should probably wash it for you first.
- No.

Don't let her take your apple,
don't wash it for her.

Oh, right. Sorry.

I need a tissue. Now.

Oh, I'm sorry, I don't have any on me.

Heavens to Betsy. What kind of Belle
doesn't carry a tissue with her?

Have I taught you nothing?

I'm so sorry.
I'll go to the bathroom and get you one.

- Uh!
- Oh, shoot, that's wrong, right?

I'm sorry, this is my apple.

I said my apple.

Touch it and you lose an arm!

Hey!

This stuff sure looks fancy.

I can't even pronounce the names
of some of these.

Wanna do body shots?

Heh.

Yeah. Yeah, let's do that.

I'm just going to see
if Lavon has any lemons in the fridge.

Dumbass pickles.

- What?
- Nothing. Hey, you know what? Uh...

Forget the body shots.
Just, uh, just come here.

Stupid peanut butter. I bet Dr. Perfect
doesn't stick his fingers...

...in a peanut butter jar.
He's such a grown-up.

Why are you talking
to the peanut butter?

- Are you okay?
- I- I'm fine, okay? I just, uh-

- I need to get to work.
- No problem.

If you change your mind,
you know where to find me.

Delia Ann, it must be, uh, so rewarding
to have all these people here...

...to honor your career as Memory Matron.

- I hope to follow in your footsteps.
- Yes, I'm sure you do, Lemon.

Um, I wanted to apologize about the other
night. Our menfolk got carried away, heh.

I realize it would be unfair
to punish you...

...for George's absurdly
inappropriate behavior.

Well, um, to be fair,
Lawrence did bring his own easel.

How dare you insult my husband?

Lawrence is a proud Southern man
who believes in sportsmanship.

- No, I didn't mean to-
- What's wrong with Delia Ann?

Mind your own business, Crickett.

Bubbly water. Keep it coming.

AnnaBeth, are those petit fours?

Have you suffered a head injury?
I told you no.

Sorry, Lemon. I got confused.

No, I didn't.

As usual, you just commanded us
to do whatever you want...

...without asking
what anyone else thought.

- Excuse me?
- It's time you listen to me for once.

I happen to have great ideas.

And, for the record,
everyone is just sick to death...

...of your dreadful cherry tortes.

See, now, that's the kind of spirit
I'm looking for in a Memory Matron.

Thank you for coming.

I knew AnnaBeth was trying
to weasel her way to the top.

If anyone other than you were to be
Memory Matron, it should be me.

I am the one with the porcelain skin.

Although,
it's still definitely gonna be you.

Oh, wait, stop.
Don't forget your party favor.

Handmade soap,
I made it from scratch.

One of the many traditions
I like to preserve.

Oh, I'm sorry, uh...

Ooh.

- What are you staring at?
- Scratch on the back of your neck.

It's just a cat scratch.

Oh, honestly, Lemon,
you are becoming quite bothersome.

AnnaBeth, would you care to join me
for dinner?

Heh, I'd love to.

Crickett, I don't recall Delia Ann
having a cat.

Do you?

Hi, AnnaBeth.

Oh, my gosh.
The petit fours went over so well...

...Delia Ann is taking me to dinner.

- That's amazing.
- And it's all thanks to you.

After dinner,
I'm telling Lemon everything.

Then you and I are going out
to celebrate.

- You are on, girlfriend!
- Okay, girlfriend.

I am on.

Hey, Sal. How goes it, buddy?

Whoa, keep it together.
It can't be that bad.

I got nothing to live for anymore.

I took your advice
and asked my lady friend to choose...

...between me and her husband.

And as you can see...

...I'm the loser sitting here
drinking all alone.

You're not a loser, Sal.

Maybe a little drunk for three
in the afternoon, but, hey, I don't judge.

Although FYl, it's really not a great thing
to mix alcohol with antibiotics.

Advice for another time, perhaps.
Let's focus on you, Sal.

It was a mistake.

I never should've given her
that ultimatum.

No. Hey, you did the right thing.
Okay?

This woman didn't appreciate you.

The right person will, trust me.

Now you need to go home
and get some rest. Doctor's orders.

- No, let's not do that.
- No.

All right.

Okay. Oh, yup, there you just- Okay.

That was out.

Come on, watch that backhand.
Look at that. See?

Advantage, server.

- Are we gonna talk about it?
- No.

Okay then.

Look, for the record, veterinarians
should not be called doctors.

- They don't go to medical school.
- No. But they go to vet school.

- Which I hear is more competitive.
- Whose side are you on?

- I didn't realize there were official teams.
- There are.

You still haven't thrown your hat
in the ring.

There's no point, Lavon, okay? Zoe's-

- She's made her choice.
- Zoe is not with Judson.

- She is.
- No, she's not.

- Yes, she is.
- I'm gonna smack you.

Now, I know for a fact
that Zoe Hart is 100 percent single.

Zoe's sneaking around with a girl.

No. Not like that.

She has a closet, non-sexual girlfriend.

And I would've told you earlier...

...but, uh, I swore
that I wouldn't tell anybody, so...

Look, Wade, you're a good guy.

But if you want Zoe,
stop pulling her pigtails and be a man.

Meaning what exactly, Lavon?

Comb your damn hair, huh?

Put on a clean shirt.

Zoe may not be with Judson today,
but there are a lot of other Judsons.

Serious men,
with adult responsibilities...

...who have the sense to tell a girl
how they feel.

Right now, there's no one else.

The only thing keeping you
from being with Zoe Hart is you.

Hey.

Thought we were having dinner tonight.

Can't. I have to fix everything
that you screwed up with Delia Ann.

- What? You said everything was fine.
- This morning I didn't know...

...she was considering making AnnaBeth
Memory Matron.

Luckily, I found out a juicy tidbit,
so she'll have to pick me.

- You're kidding.
- Do I seem like I'm kidding?

- Lemon, hold on a second.
- I have to go.

Lemon, stop.

This craziness ends now. Do you hear me?

- You've been acting insane for weeks.
- Memory Matron is important to me.

Nothing is worth crossing
this kind of line.

And if you so much as knock
on Delia Ann's door tonight...

...do not bother calling me again. There's
only so much I am willing to put up with.

Zoe, it's me, heh.

You are looking
at the next Memory Matron.

I'm so happy for you.
Where are we gonna celebrate?

Well, the thing is...

...now that I'm about to become a highly
esteemed member of the community...

...it's probably not the best time
to be seen with you.

- From a political standpoint, that is.
- Very funny, heh.

Zoe, you are still pretty unpopular.

The Breelands, well, they hate you.

People are still complaining
about the parade, homecoming party.

You did accuse the minister
of cheating-

Okay. Let me get this straight.

I help you achieve
the greatest success of your life...

...and you break up with me?

I wish more than anything that I could
be Memory Matron and your friend.

Because you're cool
and smart and funny...

...but this is a small town.

And Memory Matron, well...

...that's a dream come true for me.

I'm so sorry.

I guess this is a goodbye gift then.

An apple?

It's perfect.

I will miss you, Zoe Hart.

Me too.

- You, uh, avoiding anyone in particular?
- People who are nice to me.

Because then I feel obligated
to be nice back.

Makes you the perfect person
to be around.

- I will take that as a compliment.
- Go suck a rock.

That's my girl. Feel better?

Little bit, yeah.

On the house.

You're a freak, you know that?

I'm nice to you, you're a jerk.
I tell you to suck a rock...

- ... you're pouring me free wine.
- I'm working on it with my therapist.

So who peed in your cornflakes?

Nobody important, it turns out.

I just missed having a girlfriend.

Look, Zoe, a friend's a friend.

Male, female, who gives a damn?

You got Lavon,
you got George Tucker.

Long as you got someone to back you
in a knife fight...

...I'd say you're doing all right
in my book.

Why do you look different?

New shirt.

It looks nice on you.

Ha, ha. Come along, ladies.

Oh, I'll be in the corner.
I'll take the whole bottle.

- Sit down. I'll buy you a drink.
- That's all right. I'm just-

I know I've been an ass, George.

Just let me buy you a drink.

Scotch. Ahem, neat, please.

Look, I've been an ass too.

And I am, uh, heh...

Well, I'm sorry about last night.
Heh, I don't-

No, no. Listen, when you're
with the kind of women we are...

- ... sometimes, you need an outlet.
- Yeah.

For me it's, uh, it's the courtroom
or, uh, the golf course.

- And these.
- Ah.

Can I have another? Make it a double.

- Heh, rough night, heh?
- Heh.

Rough year.

It started out her just being moody
and withdrawn...

...then she started having
these irrational bursts of anger at me.

Now, it's like she's a stranger
in my bed.

She's been keeping me
at arm's length so long now...

...I don't know, uh...

...how to get her back.

Oh, ha, ha.

- You're young, engaged.
- Heh.

I don't mean to bring you down...

...with boring tales
of an old married couple, heh.

Greetings, people of BlueBell.

It is with a heavy heart
that I must resign...

...from my post as Memory Matron.

It has been an honor
serving all of you...

...and preserving our fine traditions.

Yeah.
- Oh, no, no, no.

With that, it is truly a thrill
to introduce to you...

...your new Memory Matron...

...Mrs. AnnaBeth Nass.

Thank you so much.
There are so many people I wanna thank.

Crickett, would you be a dear
and get my speech out of my bag, heh?

But first, let's all give
another round of applause to Delia Ann.

A true hero and inspiration to us all.

What in the world?

Allow me, heh.

- Here's your speech, sugarplum.
- Thank you, Lemon.

And here's a keychain
engraved to you by Zoe Hart.

Which is peculiar
considering you two aren't even friends.

Or are you?

Care to explain yourself, AnnaBeth?

What? I mean, there's nothing to explain.

It's a simple question.

Are you or are you not carrying on
a secret relationship with Zoe Hart?

- Of course not!
- Oh, it all makes sense now, doesn't it?

Your sudden defiance.

Why Zoe Hart has been acting crazier
than usual.

It was you she was hiding. Admit it.

I, heh-

My keychain!

Pardon me. Excuse me. Pardon me.

Um, I... I was wondering where it went.

I must have dropped it, heh.

Dropped a keychain engraved to yourself?

Um...

Peaches!

I got this for you.

- For me?
- It's the key to my carriage house.

I decided that I didn't wanna hide
our relationship anymore.

Our what?

Obviously, I'm a part of something
I don't understand.

But I just wanna say I don't care
because that kiss was-

Worth taking another shot at.

Hey, Joelle. It's Wade.

Yeah, I'm feeling like doing
those body shots.