Harry Wild (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - When Harry Met Fergus - full transcript

It is most gratifying,
I must say,

to see such
an impressive turnout.

I'm sure most of you are here

to make sure I don't change
my mind.

Almost rid of the old witch.

Those of you that will be happy
to see the back of me,

it'll probably be because I was
hard on you over the years.

I want you to know
that I was hard on you

because you are
arrogant little shits.

I see your type year after year.

You take this course because
you think, "Oh, it's easy.



Only books."

To you...

...I say that you are a shameful
waste of skin and air.

Had you paid attention
these last three years,

you would know
that the mathematicians

and scientists tell us
how we are here.

Historians can tell us when, but
only literature can tell us why.

Those of you
who did pay attention...

...I just want to say
thank you...

...from the bottom of my heart.

You've made this all worthwhile.

And now I have a little surprise
for all of you.

-Hip-hip...
Hooray!

Hip-hip-hip...



Hooray!

Hip-hip-hip...

-Hooray!
-Whoo-hoo!

Ah!

You're making a huge mistake.

Don't be ridiculous.
I never make mistakes.

What are you gonna do
with yourself in retirement?

I don't know.

All the things
I never had time for.

Sort out the attic.

Do some gardening.

Write that great novel.

Oh! I may even spend some time
with my granddaughter.

You don't like children.

Well, she'll be interesting
in a year or two, hopefully.

Unless she takes after
her mother.

Did you invite Charlie tonight?

God, no!

I'm planning
on getting shit-faced

and snogging
the new archaeology professor.

Sorensen.
History prof.

Made almost the same speech
at his retirement.

That he wanted to snog
the new archaeology professor?

No.

I think he wanted to spend
more time caravanning

or something else
similarly wretched.

Yeah, I remember.
So...

Six months later -- dead.

And this, Graham, is why you're
not invited to more parties.

To Harry.

To Harry!

Concerns are growing
for Kayleigh Connor,

the wife and mother who vanished
in the Crumlin area of Dublin...

Aliens, I bet.

Sorry?

It's an abduction, isn't it?

Aliens.

It's just a theory.
I could be wrong.

I'm Glenn.
You a friend of Harry's?

-From the college, yes.
-Oh.

I always thought about going
to college back in Wales,

but, uh, in the end,
decided it wasn't for me.

It's not for everyone.

I've got one of the highest IQs

if not the highest IQ
in the world.

Never been tested or nothing,

but I can answer pretty much all
the questions on "Pointless."

Right.

So, uh, what do you do?

Oh, bit of this, bit of that.

Work in a phone repair shop
part time.

Carl.

I'm not much of a drinker,
actually.

One can't hurt.

Go on.

Is that the sound
of our hearts beating?

It's better if you don't talk.

Sir.

What have we got, Vics?

No ID. Been here a day.
Two at the most.

Furniture's been moved.
Marks on the floor.

Whoever did this
wanted to direct our eye.

When Catherine returns
from Thrushcross Grange,

she is a very different
Catherine to the one who left.

Heathcliff, who has pined
for his soul mate,

is unnerved by this new and --

Uh, Fergus...

...what are you doing?

Just cutting out
the middle man, sir.

I was gonna take myself
to Mr. Ellis' office,

'cause that's where
you're gonna be sending me

in about 30 seconds.

Look, I'll be honest.

It's way too hot in here,

and I haven't heard
a word you've said

about Pride and thingy
all lesson.

It's "Wuthering Heights."

That's exactly my point!
Look.

You're gonna
tell me to sit down.

I'm going to politely decline,

and you're gonna tell me
that I'm too cocksure.

So I'll say,
"I am very sure of my cock, sir.

Thanks for noticing."

You'll tell me
to stop being so filthy.

I'll say, "That's not
what your wife said last night,"

and that'll make the tick
in your eye start up -- like so.

So I'll make a make a joke about
you giving me the wink, eh,

say, "I'm not really into you
like that, sir.

Can we just be friends?"

And you'll tell me to get out
of your class,

so...I will.

I just thought I'd save us both
some time

and unnecessary aggravation.

All right?

Okay, fella.

Oh!

Oh, God.

Vicky, I want to keep you
on motive.

Just dig up financials,
relationship --

whatever we can get
on the guy.

So, I hear you have an ID
on your victim.

Take it away, Jordan.

Sure.

Leonard Walsh, sir.

Did a stint in the Midlands
for child sex abuse.

He came back here
after he was released.

He was on the streets
within a year.

Gonna be a long list of people

who wanted to harm a man
like that.

Good work.
Charlie, a word.

I'm sorry to do this,
but I'm gonna have to move

a couple of your people over
to the Kayleigh Connor case.

Of course.
Uh, I understand.

Sir.

It's my mother.
She's been assaulted.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

What's wrong?

That was your father.

Your granny's coming to stay.

Oh, Harry.
Are you okay?

Look. Don't worry.
I'm not gonna fuss.

I'm afraid you've missed Lola.
She's staying at a friend's.

I'm quite tired.

I might just go to bed
if that's all right.

Yeah. Of course.
Um...

I'll bring your case in.

-Shout if you need me.

Is she okay?

She'll be fine.
You know my mother.

Shit.

I couldn't hear her.

I've got a meeting first thing,
but I can always --

That's not necessary.

Hi, Granny.

Are you okay?

Yes, dear.
I'm fine.

Look, I don't want you all
rearranging your lives.

I-I'll be okay on my own.

You can piss right off,
you little shit!

Oh, that was delicious.

I've eaten too much.

Well, I told you
not to have thirds.

Actually, uh, Harry, we don't
allow smoking in the house.

Why do you have an ashtray,
then?

Uh, we don't.

Yeah, you do.
Over there.

Lola made that in infants!

So, feeling good, then?

It's "well," dear, not "good."

Unless you're inquiring
about the state of my morality

rather than my health.

If you're that keen
to get rid of me...

Of course not.
Just asking.

Well, I-I'm not gonna lie.

This whole thing's been
very stressful.

Actually, Lola,
you might be able to help.

Your school's a little rough,
isn't it?

I'm sure you can get your hands
on some decent weed.

Mother.
-Oh.

Don't they call it weed
anymore?

You can't ask your granddaughter
to buy you drugs.

Oh, God. No.
Of course.

You're a copper.

You must know much better
dealers than a 12-year-old.

-I'm 14.
-Are you sure?

Harry, you can't bring narcotics
into my house.

But it relaxes me.

And I forgot my vibrator.

Shit.

I don't really want any weed.

I just wanted to see his face.

Very uptight, your parents.

Mm.
Tell me about it.

How well do you remember
your Elizabethan playwrights?

Oh, Jesus. Not now, Harry.
I'm running really late.

Edmund Porter --
Do you remember him?

Well, I'd be surprised
if you did.

He was a contemporary
of Shakespeare and Marlowe,

friend of the latter, um,
always lived in their shadow.

Terrific.
Love, have you seen my phone?

Oh, yeah.
It's by the toaster here.

This can't be a coincidence.

Brilliant. Thanks.
What can't?

"Calabras,"
his best-known work --

although that's not saying much.

In Act 2, Scene 3,
the painter kills his father.

Now, I'm not saying that yours
is the son or a painter --

although it might be --
but the way the body was lying,

with the head bashed in
with the candles all around...

Are you talking about --
Did you read my casebook?

Well, I couldn't sleep
last night, so I --

Harry, you can't do that!

Don't you raise your voice
at me.

It's an official
bloody document.

It's not for anyone
to just flick through

when the mood takes them.

I am just trying to help you.

-You are missing a crucial --
-Do not touch my work

for any reason whatsoever.

Is that clear?

Well, sod you!

I'm just trying to help you.

Well, I'm not going to stay here
and be spoken to like this.

I expect an apology
next time I see you.

Don't hold your breath.

Oh, dear.

Oh, bugger.

Arse.

Glenn.
It's Harry.

I, uh, need you to get me
something a little...

a little unusual.

Kayleigh is a lovely mam,

a terrific wife,
and a great actress.

Our little girl, Kylie-Marie...
really wants her mam home.

If anyone has any information...

That was Kevin Connor.

You're sure about this, Harry?

It's an automatic
five-year sentence

if you get caught
with one of these.

I was crapping myself
coming over here.

Give it over, then.

What's your Charlie gonna say,
eh?

Glenn.

All right.
All right.

I've said my piece.

It's fully charged,
so be careful, okay?

Wrist strap's a safety feature.

It's got to be on your wrist
for it to work.

Someone tries to grab it
off you,

this pin will pop out,
and it'll be useless.

Just means someone can't
turn around and zap you.

You press this and this and...

This type,
you've got to touch it

to the person
who's attacking you.

You push it up against 'em

and press the buttons
like I showed you.

It won't...kill them, though,
will it?

I don't know.
It's not my field.

I just know a bloke
who knows a bloke.

It's got different settings,
though -- low, medium...

Hi!

What's that you've got, Harry?
A book, is it?

No, Glenn.
It's a flamingo.

Flamingo.

Yeah.
I can see it's a book.

Looks old.
What's it about?

It's about a painter

who kills an actor,
his own wife, and his father.

Huh. Sounds like my place
at Christmas.

What's he do that for, then,
murder all those people?

Not right in the head, I'd say.

His wife was having an affair
with the actor and the father.

His own father?
Dirty old bastard.

First he hangs the actor,
makes it look like suicide.

Then he drowns the wife
in the bathtub,

chops her up,
and bakes her into a pie --

straight out
of "Titus Andronicus."

And then he bashes
his father's brains in.

If I wanted to kill someone,
you know what I'd do?

I'd strangle 'em with a belt

and put bondage porn
on their computer,

make it look like
that auto-exotic fixation.

What happens in the end, then?

Pigs get him, do they?
FBI swoop in?

This was written 430 years ago,
Glenn.

No FBI.

Actually, he does get away
with it.

The father is due
to be remarried.

The painter steals away
the father's bride,

boards a boat to Bohemia,
never to be seen again.

They were stealing women away
back then.

They're still doing it today.

Should be a law against it,
I say.

Well, there is a law against it.
It --

Are you talking about the woman
on the news?

Kayleigh Connor.
Yeah.

Maybe she's on a slow boat
to Bohemia.

Why didn't I see this?

Oh, my God.

You bloody beauty, Glenn.

Mm. Mm!

I'll get it.

Someone else joining us,
Charlie?

Didn't invite anyone else.

Ah. Mother.

We have to talk.
It's urgent.

-Charlie.
-This is your mother?

Ray Tiernan.
Heard a lot about you.

Oh. Well, I've heard
absolutely nothing about you.

Don't even know who you are.
Sorry.

-Charlie, we've got to talk now.
-Charlie.

Why does she keep saying
your name?

Is she having a stroke
or something?

Now is not a good time.
We have guests.

Oh. Really? So you've solved
all the crime, then.

Oh. Well, that's a relief.

Vivian Mitchell-Tiernan.

Uh, no idea what you just said.

My name.
I'm assistant commissioner.

Please hold that thought.
Um...

Sorry.

You can't continue to do this.
Can you not just be normal?

Would you just shut up?

The play that I'm
telling you about...

...the killer
doesn't get punished.

He gets rewarded.

The father was due
to be married,

and he gets the father's bride,
Delilah.

She was an actress,
star of the show.

Look, whoever bashed in
Leonard Walsh's head

kidnapped Kayleigh Connor.

-She's his Delilah.
-This has to stop!

Kayleigh Connor's not a star.
She works in the bloody chipper.

But on the news, her husband
said she was an actress.

Well, she's not.

She's part of some crappy
little am-dram group

who've never even put on
a performance.

There's no connection!

I am trying to tell you
the connection.

The -- The killer
has been twisting the play

to suit his own sick desires.

He knew her.

He coveted her.

And how do we covet?

Do we seek things out to covet?

That's a-a quote, right?
From, uh, Cicero or someone.

Hannibal Lecter,
"Silence of the Lambs."

-But don't you see?
-No, I don't!

You have no experience
investigating a crime.

You're just seeing
what you want to see.

No.
But...the candles.

There was no electricity
in the house -- simple as that.

You can't be that obtuse.
I gave birth to you.

Oh.

The first murder in the play
was a hanged man

made to look like a suicide.

And beside his body --
a peacock feather.

Surely you can look
into those things.

Yeah.
I can check the feather log.

It's just like talking
to your father.

-Don't say that.
-I just want to help you.

-Goodbye, Harry.
-No.

-You --
-Goodbye, Harry.

I just --

Glenn, it's Harry.

I need you to get an address
for Kayleigh Connor's house.

Glenn, I've got to
call you back.

Fergus! Fergus, look at me!

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
little stinker.

What you doing up there?
Geez!

What you trying to do?
Give me a heart attack?

Down you get.

Wah!

You know not to get so high up
without your big brother around,

hey, smelly belly?

Come on.
Let's go.

Only after bath time, though.

-Aww!
-See? Oh, little stinker.

You know it's always bath time
first.

Bath time, then TV, then
some snacks if we're lucky, eh?

Yeah.

Do we have any popcorn?

Hmm.
Do we have any popcorn?

You know,
I think your older brother

might find some popcorn for you
in the cupboard there.

What's your favorite kind?
Sweet and salty, eh?

Yeah. Mm-mmm.

Boss, we've got something.

Damian Murphy is one of the kids
Leonard Walsh abused

12 years ago.

He works at a homeless shelter
on Pearse Street now.

He's got a record --
assault, always older men.

Bloody brilliant, Jord.

-Take Vicky. Go pick him up.
-Boss.

Mr. Connor.

Vivian Mitchell-Tiernan,
assistant commissioner.

Oh. Right.

Just a courtesy call,
see how you're holding up.

Yeah.

Family liaison officer
was just here.

-She didn't say you were coming.
-Oh, came on a whim.

Heard you on the news.
It moved me.

I wanted to reassure you --
We will find Kayleigh.

Thank you.

You don't know how good
that is to hear.

Leslie, the liaison officer,

said you lot don't like
making promises you can't keep.

Oh, this is one we will keep.
Trust me.

Tell me about Kayleigh.
She was an actress?

Yeah.

It's a bit of an exaggeration.

It's her dream.
Always has been.

She joined an am-dram group,
but it folded before it started.

The theater they hired
was shut down by the bank,

and only four of them
turned up -- Kayleigh,

Gwen -- she's 80-odd
and deaf as a tree --

and Maurice and Bernie,
a gay couple who started it.

I heard they immigrated
to Canada.

Emigrated.

"Emigrated" when they go,
"immigrated" when they come.

It's -- It's not important.

What was the name
of that theater?

-Uh, just out of interest.

Oh, that must be Leslie.

She just nipped out
for some bread.

Leslie?

Yeah.
The family liaison officer?

Probably not a good idea
if she sees me here.

It's a little bit against
protocol, me coming like this.

You -- Do you have a back door?

-Yeah.
-Oh. Thank you.

Where did you say
that am-dram group used to meet?

Might be important.
You never know.

Oh.
The Gantry in Dún Laoghaire.

Righto.

Chin up, Mr. Connor.

We'll get her back
lickety-split.

- Is someone here?

Who are you?!

-Aah!

What the bloody hell was that?!

Is this your theater?

Feck off out of it,
you mad bitch.

-Hey. Okay. Okay.

Yes, this is my theater.

Or was until the bank
foreclosed.

Do you know
who Kayleigh Connor is?

No.
Should I?

She was part
of an am-dram group.

-They used to rehearse here.
-Oh.

I remember them.
They only came here a few times.

I never even met them.

Lloyd, the stage manager,
used to let them in.

-Lloyd? Can I talk to him?
-No.

Took the closure far worse
than the rest of us.

Hung himself.

-Hanged.
-Huh?

Pictures are hung,
people hanged.

Anyway,
he was the stage manager?

Not an actor?

Primarily, he was an actor

but he was just
a better stage manager.

Would anyone else have met them?

Not really. I mean,
Colin would've been here.

He's my, uh, set designer

who was working on, uh,
our next production.

Colin who?

Fountain.
Colin Fountain.

Oh!

Lovely bloke.

Loved baking.

Always bringing in little pies
and samosas.

All we needed
was a few more weeks.

The next production
would've been a game changer.

What was it called?

-"Calabras" by Edmund Porter.

You've probably never heard
of it.

Where does Colin live?

-Ugh.

Now is not a good time.

I know who killed Leonard Walsh
and has Kayleigh Connor.

-Get a pen. It's someone who --
-Harry, it's over.

We've got the person
who killed Leonard Walsh.

It was nothing to do
with the play or Kayleigh.

It was something from his past.

No! No.
That's not right.

Well, it is,
so now you can drop it, yeah?

Go and get on
with your retirement.

Take up knitting, maybe think
about a cruise or buy a cat.

Find old-lady stuff to do.

Cat.

Libby's swimming's coming along.

She can almost put her face
under.

Yeah. Dad said he might come up
and see you soon.

I wouldn't get your hopes up,
though.

You know what he's like.

I'll let you know
if he is coming, though,

give you time to do your hair
and stuff.

Your grandmother?

Yeah.

Nice of you
to bring her flowers.

Carnations.
They were her favorite.

No, they weren't.

Carnations aren't
anyone's favorites.

Grandmothers just say that
because they don't cost so much.

She also told me not to talk
to strange women, so...

Unusual for a boy
to visit his dead granny.

Close, were you?

Yeah.
Yeah, we were.

I wonder what she'd think about
you mugging old ladies, then.

What are you on about?

-Haven't gone anywhere near you.
-Oh, not today.

But last week in Dún Laoghaire,
you shoved me.

You stole my wallet.

I wonder what little old dead
Granny would say about that.

Nah. You must have me mixed up
with someone else.

Oh.
Well, we both know I don't.

Well, if I did...

it'd be pretty stupid,
you coming here.

I mean, look around.

We're all alone, hey?

So why don't you piss off, yeah?

-Aah!
-That's just the low level.

-I could turn it up if you like.

Yeah. Yeah -- I mean no.
Don't.

Please.

I remember, all right?

What the hell was that?!
That really hurt.

-Good.
-What do you want from me?

I want to figure you out.

You're a little shithead,

but I've seen how you look after
your sister.

And you tend
your grandmother's grave.

These two sides of you
don't go together.

Maybe I don't want to be
figured out.

What did you do with my money?

Hookers and coke.

There -- There was only
30 euros.

They weren't very good hookers
and coke.

That wallet has sentimental
value, you shithead.

My son's a guard.

I am going to keep an eye
on you, Mr. Reid.

You mug anyone else, and I am
going to give him all your info.

Got it?

Bollocks.

His alibi checked out.
Ran 'cause he was dealing pills.

Gave him a caution.
Sent him on his way.

Never mind.
Tomorrow's another day.

Ray, where are we with Kayleigh?

Nowhere.

It's like she vanished
off the face of the earth.

No chance her abduction
could be connected

to Leonard Walsh's murder,
is there?

Uh, never mind.

Just something my mam --
someone said.

Forget it.

I was so sure we had him.

Come here.

Look.
You've been here before.

You'll find who it is.
You know that.

Just as long as Harry doesn't
find out we had the wrong man.

I'll never hear
the bloody end of it.

-I can feel those knots.

What the bloody hell
are you doing here?

Sod off!
Go!

You said it had
sentimental value, okay?

I just...

Most of the money's there.

Half. Okay.
Almost half.

I'll never come here again.

How do you know where I live?

Driving license.

Ah.
Smart, huh?

How would you like to earn
some of that money back?

Okay.

Whose house is that?

My son the guard is looking for
a killer and a kidnapper --

the same person who's done both.

Okay.
And?

Wait.

Are you saying the killer's
over there?

Well, I'm 90% sure.

So call your son!

Okay, 75%.
But I have to be certain.

Look.
Here's Charlie's number.

If I'm not out in 15 minutes,

I want you to call him,
tell him what I've done,

and tell him the killer's name
is Colin Fountain.

He worked at the theater

where Kayleigh Connor's
am-dram group rehearsed.

The woman on the news,
the one who's missing?

That's who he's kidnapped?

Well, if I'm right,
she's in there now.

You will call him, won't you?

I ain't calling him.

"I'm not calling him."

Yeah.
Me neither.

"Hello, Mr. Guard, sir.

You don't know me,
but last week I mugged your ma,

and now she's gone into
a murderer's house,

and she's not come out."

Yeah, that doesn't end well
for anyone.

How do you know
he's not in there?

I'm just gonna knock
on the door, and --

and if he answers, I'll just say
I've got the wrong address.

I'm just a harmless old woman.

You bleedin' well aren't.

Oh.

Well, now we know
he's not there.

W-Wait.

What am I doing?

Nope. Nope.

Nope.

Don't tell me.

-Lasagna again.
- Kayleigh.

Oh, my God.

Who are you?

It's all right.
I'm here to help you.

Oh, God. You've got to
get me out of here.

Please.
He's bloody nuts!

I'm going to.

Are you hurt?

No.
He -- He hasn't hurt me.

Right. Good.
Well, come on.

We've got to leave
before he gets back.

Oh, yeah. Like it didn't occur
to me to leave.

The key's on a chain
around his neck.

Oh, shit!

I'm gonna have to find tools
or something.

But --
Is anyone else coming?

Have you called the guards?

Don't worry.
I'll be right back.

Look out!

How long have I been here?

Not long.

About 10 minutes.

Where is he?

Oh, good.
You're awake.

Don't worry, my darling.

This is for her, not you.

I've got questions.

You can ask all the questions
you like.

It's over for you, Colin.

Who are you?

Inspector Wild.

Bit long in the tooth
to be a guard, now, aren't you?

And you sound English.

College employee.

I'm working for the guards.

Nah.

How did you find us?

My son's Inspector Wild.

He's the one in charge
of the Leonard Walsh murder.

I saw his case notes.
I...

...I spotted the similarities
to "Calabras."

He asked me to advise.

Some of what you said is true --
I think...

...but you're still lying.

No. W-We've --
We've entered the theater.

We've already talked
to your old boss.

We know you killed Lloyd,
the stage manager.

Made it look like suicide.

And we know what you did
to your wife.

Did you feed her
to the theater people?

They couldn't get enough
of those samosas.

I actually planned to do
some pasties, too,

but, um...
she wasn't a big woman.

Wait.

What was in those lasagnas?

No.

I ran out of her
long before you came.

They're just Lidl.

We know it all, Colin.

Look away, Delilah.

I don't want you to see this.

Wait!
Wait.

There's one thing
you've forgotten.

What about the rascal?

The -- The who?

The rascal.

He foils the painter.

There's no rascal in "Calabras."

Y-You must have read
the abridged version.

In Porter's preferred text,

the old crone
keeps the painter talking

so that the rascal could come up
behind him and...

And what?

And do this.

- Aah!

The band! The band!
It has to be around your wrist!

-Kayleigh!
-Oh!

Oh!
Kevin.

Oh!

Ma.

-Are you okay, Ma?
-I'm fine.

Well, in that case, that was
a mad stupid thing to do.

Well, I wouldn't have had to
do it if you'd listened to me.

You're the one who called?

-Who are you exactly?
-My student.

-Your what?
-What?

You told me to find something
to occupy my time.

I'm a teacher.
Fergus needed extra tuition.

You should thank him
for saving your mother's life.

Thanks.

Aw, you're all right, fella.

Extra tuition?

-What are you on about?
-You're a good kid.

You're intelligent
but stupid with it.

To be honest, I didn't think
you'd stick around.

Well, to be honest,
I almost didn't.

Well, you did,
and that's what matters.

So in return,
I'm going to make a man of you.

I already am a man.

No, you're not.

But you will be
when I'm finished.

I've taught for 24 years.

I'm never wrong
about these things.

Must be tough to never be wrong.

Oh, I'm telling you, Fergus.
It's a pissing burden.