Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 9, Episode 1 - Home Movies: Part 1 - full transcript

Joanie prepares a narrated home movie to send to big brother Richie's overseas army base to bring him up to speed on the gang's summer activities, her break-up with Chachi and Fonzie's reunion with his old gang, the Falcons.

hi rich

sorry i haven't written in so long i

know how you guys in the army love to

get mail

even though it's from your kid's sister

anyway the reason why i haven't written

in so long is because 'Chachi' and i went

through a lot of rough times this summer

and so much has happened to everyone

that if i tried to write in a letter my

fingers would fall off



but i hit on this great idea during the

summer we took a lot of home movies

so i thought i'd send them to you along

with this tape so start the tape and the

movie at the same time okay okay

it was one of the hottest dunes i can

ever remember rich but it didn't dampen

mom's spirits she was still up to her

old shenanigans

dad really misses you

especially when it's time to cut the

grass

i want to have some fun and get a tan

this summer but dad made me get a job so



we compromised i worked at the lake oh

and jenny piccolo did too

she was up to her usual subtle ways of

meeting guys

and cousin roger got a job as a

lifeguard and the girls were sure glad

he did

you think they never saw a guy in a

bathing suit before

he really loved his job

most of the time

oh and you'll never believe who dan

hired at the hardware store patsy webber

i guess mom can talk dad into just about

anything

and then there was chachi and me the

summer started out great

but by labor day i wanted to ring his

swanny little neck

oh i'm really getting ahead of myself

maybe i should back up

i guess everything started the fourth of

july

fire we got fire

[Applause]

don't marry it don't don't begin marion

you can't do that marion

hi everybody happy fourth of july oh no

mom i have something important to tell

you we'll have to wait a minute i've got

to help howard with the barbecuing first

now keep this rolling because if howard

goes up in flames i want to have

something to remember and buy

hi there

hi everybody happy fourth of july i'm

sorry about you

you remember the cunninghams and the new

cunningham laurie bell

nice to see you again mrs delvecchio

mama's going to spend the whole summer

with me isn't that nice well have a nice

time huh you see my son the betty grable

look i'm a grown man i could wear shorts

if i want to wear shorts and i want a

wig

my fonz i'm glad you're here listen i

gotta tell you about a girl i met at the

beach her name's corinne hey you're a

lifeguard i know but she's a lifeguard

too all right just make sure you don't

take your eyes off those little kitties

she is so

fonz what is this a skull and crossbones

for return address that's right this

letter happens to be from my old gang

the falcons oh yeah

am i crazy or is that written in blood

of course it's written in blood as

tradition that's how you know it ain't

junk mail you know notice they're having

their first reunion in 10 years it

should be interesting it's always nice

to look back on one social peer group

and see the changes over an extended

period of time

yeah well it's also a very nice time to

see your old friends

hey listen here's a snack right

so funds are gonna go i can't go i got

too many responsibilities i got arnolds

i got summer school class and cars

building up at the garage all the time

and why did the falcons wait ten years

to have a reunion first time everybody's

out of jail at once

again there is plenty of everything

mom where's the ketchup

oh dear oh

just a second here cause i've got to get

some ketchup but this is important what

is more important than ketchup but i i'm

gonna have a baby

[Applause]

howard you're gonna be your grandpa

i'm glad to see you here dump the trash

in an apron and get behind the counter

you too piccolo

but boss i'm off tonight yeah and i have

malaria look here you two get to work or

you can kiss your jobs goodbye well i

guess we have to don't we

have to do what she

says independence day right all right

i'm sorry but don't be mad why not i'm

looking forward to this night for a week

now what am i supposed to say hippie

joey's gonna work tonight is he eating

no i'm broke he'll get paid to wednesday

all right you better go okay and i

promise that after work i'll make it up

to you right

cunningham save that for the customers

what does she mean by that nothing

nothing she's a sick woman charge

you're great

i'm all alone on the fourth of july

this can't be what the founding fathers

had in mind

jenny what am i gonna do about chachi

jones i'm taking an order

[Music]

hey listen uh tonight after the

fireworks i thought maybe you and i i'm

afraid not right that wouldn't have been

any fun anyway

but what did i do to offend you did i

use your whistle by mistake

i think you're very nice

as a matter of fact

i find you terribly attractive

you do

yeah

but i'm training for the olympic

swimming for the olympics wow it's great

i promised my coach no man

i see a good-looking guy and

my mind goes wham-o bammo

all i can think of is kissing and

hugging and hugging

touching

you know what's so great about the

olympics i mean if they were that great

they'd have them every year

so are you

but i did promise my coach

no when obama look maybe i could train

with you

oh i don't know oh come on

the workouts are grueling i was born to

grow look at me i'm a terrific swimmer

come on

i guess we could give it a try

great

i think we should warm up first

so what do you see me start with the

lips

okay the next

i'm gonna get my hands on the idiot who

threw this yeah i overthrow this

can i have my frisbee back please

why you want to finish me off

i hit you

i'm so sorry you hurt yes let me see

nothing but a little bump

i think he'll live

i got hit by the ricochet

she bought it

hey uh john why don't you make yourself

scarce i'm ready to make my move now

hey i'll see you around guy

and if anybody wants to know where i am

make sure you tell her

[Music]

you never understand women she wants you

i know

what am i gonna do

well like you need to ask chachi an

opportunity like this comes along once

in a lifetime mine anyway

i guess i should go over there and

apologize to her

i mean i was kind of rude don't you

think

i don't know everybody talks to me like

that

i was rude

[Music]

a new fall season brings new reasons to

come here tv land endures

[Music]

you kiss a scrape to make it better

you do a little dance to make the tears

stop

you've learned a million things to help

your little one

like what to do with the first sign of

diarrhea you give them pedialyte because

soda and sports drinks can be so high in

sugar they can make diarrhea worse

pedialyte has the proper balance of

fluid and electrolytes to help prevent

dehydration it's all part of a learning

process that never ends but why would

you want it to

use pedialyte

[Music]

lemon twist v8 juice has a refreshing

squeeze of lemon it's another way to get

your full serving of vegetables

sometimes it's the only way

lemon twist v8

how do you get your teeth their very

best clean the dentist now what do

thousands of them use same thing new arm

and hammer complete care does pure fine

dental baking soda it has more than any

other leading toothpaste so with deep

clean stains no regular toothpaste can

reach even cleans between teeth and

along gum lines you'll see why all those

dentists use dental baking soda it's

special taste i'll tell you what's

working to deep clean white and fresh

and everywhere try new complete care

your whole mouth will feel

fresh from the dentist clean want wider

teeth the easy way why use strips paints

or complicated bleaching kit when arm

and hammer advanced white toothpaste

saves you trouble in cost now three

shades wider with just one two prove it

with our whitening guide

get advanced white now three shades

wider just one too for a good deal call

toll free 1-866 my oral care get over

five dollars in coupons for arm and

hammer toothpaste and gum even dental

care and peroxicare plus other great arm

and hammer products call now

[Music]

oh you know i think it's amazing we've

both been teaching summer classes for

weeks and never bumped into each other

but i think we're talking small world

big school plans

can you ask your question

can i get you something to drink before

we start you want to get right to it no

let's get right to it

i got to tell you i really appreciate

that uh

you're helping me with these lesson

plans you know because they boggle my

brain

you laughing at me i mean i understand i

don't i don't get this you know but no

no no no it's just when

i when you said you had a lesson plan i

thought it was just a cute way of saying

you wanted to get me alone i'm sorry i'm

so embarrassed i don't know be

embarrassed

when you're blush i haven't seen the two

questions

three

listen i got away with not knowing this

stuff last year

[Music]

i heard a lot about you around school of

course you did

you know

boy i really admire you well with owning

two businesses and still finding time to

teach

yeah well you know what they say busy

hands are happy hands

same with lips

when i was a kid

you're a real talker aren't you i was

cute but i was a little bit loyal

i dated wild guys who did

crazy things but

now i'm ready for a lasting relationship

with a mature responsible

normal guy good luck to you

i think i found him

[Applause]

did my ears deceive me or did you just

say you thought i was

all right who am i supposed to marry

anybody

it was so beautiful

chachi and i were up on inspiration

point for hours and all we did was talk

talked yeah well you see that's the

difference between you and me joanie

give me a piece of beef steak glycogen

you wouldn't have the strength to talk

now here comes my cousin carla the [ __ ]

why ginger

jones what am

oh terry i'd like you to meet my cousin

jen jen

and her little playmate joanie

they're inseparable like sweets and

pimples

what did you make on the train leave

every little thing

you go to jefferson high you wouldn't by

any chance know a doll named chachi

arcola would you

do we know

oh cola oh boy how well we do no chachi

arcola marvie you'll just have to let me

know where i can get a hold of him i was

with the 4th of july night we had the

most marvy time this could get ugly

before you blow your top uh-huh she

doesn't mean to think to me it was

purely a physical attraction

didn't come out right

i was going to tell you when

right after we were married

maybe one day we could be

but not anymore

goodbye chachi

like i said richie this wasn't the most

wonderful summer

the only one who seemed content was

laurie beth and her not so little friend

she thought she was so fat

but we thought she looked beautiful

and mom and i were a little worried

about dad he just wasn't his usual chip

herself he's more interested in the

sports page than anything else

as for me

after chachi and i broke up

well i've never been more miserable in

my life

and chachi

well

the only thing that made my life

bearable was i heard he was even more

miserable than i was

see

hello johnny

mom i'm not here

whatever you say here

she's not here

to see i know she's here

sorry chachi but you have been a very

bad boy i can't let you in no please mrs

c look back i just made a very small

mistake is mr physical attraction still

down there

well i can play rough too

i want my letterman sweater back

come on i was hoping you'd ask here

i accidentally threw it in the fireplace

and i got burned

my sweater

good fine

i just want you to know that i think

you're the nicest boy that joni ever

brought home too bad you blew it

[Music]

end this year and begin the next with

two tv land events on new year's eve say

goodbye with last things last a day-long

marathon of classic final episodes

then make a new start on new year's day

with first things first a day of first

episodes on the first day of the year

groovy last episodes on new year's eve

and first episodes on new year's day all

day both days only on tv land

a short time ago this woman was limited

by her mobility a month ago this man

wasn't even able to get around his house

these are people who chose freedom over

restrictions independence over

limitations they chose mobility

they chose the scooter store and this is

a team of mobility experts that made it

all happen great news you've been

approved for payment dr cruz i'm calling

on behalf of marie stanford and they can

make it happen for you if you're living

with limited mobility call the scooter

store today i promise nor the company

will work harder to make you mobile or

do more to guarantee your total

satisfaction i expected they'd help me

file some paperwork with medicare and my

insurance i never expected them to be so

nice or to work so hard to get me a

power chair at no cost to me call today

and let the scooter store work for you

if we pre-qualify you for a new scooter

or power chair and medicare denies your

claim the scooter store allows you to

keep your scooter aperture at no cost

that's the scooter store guarantee you

don't qualify for medicare no problem

we'll work with your insurance company

even help with financing if there's a

way we'll find it

when they delivered mom's power chair i

expected they show her how to use it

once or twice

that man stayed for hours

you can just tell they care

whatever it takes as long as it takes

that's our guarantee why do we go to

such great lengths because making you

mobile is our mission we'll work with

your doctor we'll work with medicare and

your private insurance we'll even

service your scooter anywhere in the

country so call the scooter store today

find out what great links the scooter

store will go to for you

improve your mobility and your life call

1-800-537-9600 for your free no

obligation information from the scooter

store call to find out if you

pre-qualify for a brand new power chair

or scooter that number again is

six 1-800-537-9600

one eight hundred five three seven

ninety six hundred

while most people with mobility problems

are having trouble just getting around

at age 92 joy cullison's out seeing the

world

you're looking at the hover round the

world's most advanced power mobility

chair the hover round allows me the

freedom

to live on my own and not depend on

somebody else it's round for a reason

hover round's unique round design

provides amazing maneuverability

one-touch driving speed control and

automatic braking make it safe and easy

to drive it disassembles or easily

attaches to a standard lift it even

elevates to extend your reach and if you

qualify like juanita you'll say with

medicare and our supplement it didn't

cost a dime

not one dime call our mobility

specialist now for a free evaluation and

free hover on video declare your

independence the next time i'm going to

the grand canyon

before you knew it rich it was the

beginning of august and chachi and i

were still at each other's throats i

don't know

maybe i was stubborn

but the more chachi tried to room me

back the tougher i got

[Music]

dad was still baseball crazy and he even

took me to a double header with the

cardinals i caught a home run by some

guy named stan the man

roger was still after corrine

unfortunately he had about as much

success on land as he did in the water

and fondue is trying real hard not to be

normal

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

mr c look at me william you see a man in

misery here

my life is not going away i planned it

you know one morning i wake up and and i

got all these responsibilities that

covering me like mosquito bites

that's the way life is fuzz

you know i mean one day you you wake up

and you got your whole life ahead of you

next day you wake up you're dead

yeah

you know life is a lot like a baseball

game i mean you spit on your hands and

you step up to the plate and before you

know it the count is three and two

the old curveball of life is coming

right down the pipe

and you can hear the ball smacking into

the catcher's mitt and the big umpire in

the sky saying

you're out

do you have so many beers in the

sunday or what

you hang on to your youth as long as you

can you're only young once you got to

make it last your whole life

[Applause]

that minute you're right i can beat it

you're right supplies could be time

okay

okay i don't need all these

responsibilities from now on i'm going

to do what i want to do when i want to

do it you understand good thanks

the reunion

i'm going to the falcons reunion i'm

going to show them the fans never

changes

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

uh

nice to be back among this

and i say

party

party

[Applause]

guess who it's rocco broofy all right

let me guess

rock open roofie

still can't put anything over on you

rocco

ryan

how are you doing you look great it's

fun you haven't changed a bit yeah well

even a white tampa with

it's great perfection see you it's been

a long time yeah

that's how about it

can i huh

can i

all right everybody take your best shot

look who's here

to old chick hillary

from here she looks great

what do you want i want you to stop

joking

that's hillary

how you doing hillary

i forgot why i haven't seen you for a

while

you're

cute oh we logged a lot of miles

together yeah

we rode on your bike a lot too

that's what i mean

[Music]

and wouldn't you know johnny suede is

with her

all right all right watch it what's

going on over here what do you think i

got a parking lot out there for huh get

this thing out of here come on scoot

scoot scoot oh what's the matter pups

this is a drive-in isn't it

okay yeah tire backs all over the floor

where my mother cleaned i'll give you a

drive get off that bike

i'll take care of this all right all

right okay i'm just tired of being

pushed around i understand another thing

if i don't want to get married i won't

get married now you got that street

you're fine

the warmongers all figured we got some

old scores to even and we invite you to

settle up

no weapons in one hour

that is if you guys are still turkey

that's right

come on backer let's go back

[Music]

are we ready

[Music]

so

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

next up on tv land game show host monty

marshall is played by christopher

knight's real-life dad actor edward

knight

chris must have been a real player on

that set what pulled stay tuned for

brady bunch number 94. you can't win

them all