Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 6, Episode 14 - The Magic Show - full transcript

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪



♪ It feels so right
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪



In this episode of Happy Days,

there was no trick
photography used.

All magic feats were done live.

I think I got mic fright.

Don't be nervous, Al.

Being on the radio is fun.

Just like talking
on the telephone.

One time when I was in
high school, the teacher...

Just relax.

Five... four... three...
two... one, we're on the air!

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Milwaukee.

This is George Fenneman,
your roving reporter,

and right now we
are broadcasting live

from the home of Howard
and Marion Cunningham.

Welcome to our lovely home.

Would you like to see upstairs?

Marion, this is not
"Person to Person".

Then why did I wear the fez?

Howard Cunningham
and Al Delveccio

are co-chairmen of
the Leopard Lodge's

annual Sunnyside Orphanage
Fundraising Dinner Show

being held tomorrow
night at the Pfister Hotel.

Um, Mr. Cunningham,

uh, could you tell us
about the upcoming events?

No, that's-that's Delveccio.

Oh, all right, Mr. Delveccio,

could you tell us
about the event?

M-M-Mr. Delveccio?

Well, it seems the cat's
got Mr. Delveccio's tongue.

Um, Mr. Howard, would
you, uh... You are Howard?

- Yes.
- Would you... You are co-chairman?

- Yes.
- Would you like to tell us?

Yes, I'm co-chairman.

Delveccio handles entertainment.

- I handle magic.
- Oh.

Well, uh, all right.

It's gonna be a very
exciting evening, George.

We're gonna start off

with a-a sumptuous dinner,

and then we're gonna have
a spectacular magic show

featuring the
Incredible Crostini,

and-and he's going
to attempt to do

a-a terrific, terrific
suspenseful trick.

It's the famous milk can escape.

Yeah, and-and here to
extend a special invitation

to our audience are
Louie and Louise,

our little poster children
from the orphanage.

I like magic, and I'd love you

to come watch the show with me.

Me, too. Magic's neat.

I'm Louie.

Aren't they darling?

Oh, they're just charming.

Louie and Louise. Um...

It's going to be a
fun-filled evening, folks.

Uh, that's Mr. Delveccio,
ladies and gentlemen.

Rosa Colletti,

if you're out there, listen.

All is forgiven.

- Al!
- This is Al.

I'm talking...

Good morning, everybody.

More company!

Isn't this nice?

This is our friend
Arthur Fonzarelli.

How nice.

Hey out there in Radio Land.

Arthur Fonzarelli here.

Listen, benefit,
Saturday night, $15,

Cheap.

Be there. Whoa.

I sounded pretty good, huh?

Ladies and gentlemen,

maybe we better go back
to-to Howard Cunningham.

There's more?

Joanie, look at this.

We've been replaced.

What?

Oh, we're still on the air.

We heard you on the car radio.

♪ Venus, goddess of
love that you are... ♪

Two giraffes meet
on the street...

Ralph!

We are talking about orphans.

Good. Two orphans
meet on the street.

First one says,

"The bad thing about
having an eight-foot neck..."

Forget jokes. ♪
Surely the things ♪

- ♪ I ask won't be too... ♪
- Let me do the punch line.

I have to finish the song.

- Wait a minute.
- Shh!

Whoa!

Well, I think we're off the air.

Thank goodness.

Hello.

Oh. Oh, my. That's terrible.

Yes, yes, we understand.

Thank you for calling, bye-bye.

- Oh, Howard.
- Hm?

The Great Crostini
is in the hospital.

He was injured.

He had an accident doing

his milk can escape,
and he almost drowned.

Drowned!

Well, that's not
in our contract!

Dear, I'm sure it
wasn't intentional.

Yeah, but he's the only one
who can do the milk can escape.

Oh, now I'm ruined.

And the Leopard Lodge
is gonna blame me for this,

and they're gonna demote
me to fez checker again.

Hey, hey, hey, no problem,

no fez checker for you, either.

Well, Fonz, it sounds
sort of like a problem.

Oh, now, we're gonna
have to cancel the dinner.

No cancelling nothing.

You're forgetting
the kids, right?

Hey, kids, what's that loot

gonna be used for?

Well, we got a leaky roof.

- Yeah.
- And everyone was gonna get new beds.

Yeah.

And our Alvin and the
Chipmunk record wore out.

Alvin and the Chipmunk record.

Now that is the topper.

Yeah, the show must go on.

The show must go on.

But how?

Our star is in the hospital.

Hey, the Amazing Randi.

That's great!

Hey, who is the Amazing Randi?

- Who is the Amazing Randi?
- Yeah.

Only the-the-the escape
artist par excellence,

the primo magician in the world.

You hear that, Dad?

He knows the escape
artist par excellence

primo magician
in the whole world!

Is he any good?

What about the milk can escape?

Milk can is his middle name.

Well, all right. I'll make a
few calls, and we'll look into it.

No, you better get him
now. He's hot, gone.

All right, we-we'll
sign him up right away.

I'll call him.

Richard, make him
sign this contract.

- All right.
- All right.

I'm gonna get Ralph and Potsie.

We're gonna go to Chicago,

and we're gonna meet
this man face to face.

This is just like an
Andy Hardy movie.

Dig this.

Five, four, three, two, one.

Fonz.

Blackstone Hotel.

Michigan Avenue. Room 1403.

Thanks.

Dig this.

Five, four, three, two, one.

- I need money for the train.
- Here you are.

You know, they can't fool me.

They may call
this the 14th floor,

but I know it's really the 13th.

Oh, door's open.

Magic door.

Oh, hello?

Mr. Amazing?

Uh, Randi, hello?

He's not here.

Let's play.

And look-look at
all this stuff, guys.

Hey, a magic hat!

Oh, Potsie, don't
touch that stuff, okay?

Come on, Pots, let's see
you pull a rabbit out of it.

I can't; it's empty.

I thought it was empty.

What the heck? How do we...

You got to put that back.

All taken care of.

Hey, I wonder what
he does with this thing.

- I saw this once.
- Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I was buying
a rubber nose.

Yeah, sure.

All it did, it collapses
and disappears.

Watch. Oh!

Just what the room
needed, a little color.

You guys are making me nervous.

Ah, come on, Rich. This
place is like a fun house.

- Well, yeah, but...
- Look at this.

I bet it makes you disappear.

- Hey, get in.
- All right.

Am I still here?

- No, it didn't work.
- Oh.

Okay, I'm gonna lock you up.

No, I'm not sure you
should do that, Pots.

Let's give it a try.

Come on, get over here, Rich.

Well, uh, it says push here.

Well, then push.

Well, all right.

Here we go, Malph.

Oh, come on, guys. You broke me.

Somebody fix this.

I haven't got the
stomach for it.

I've still got it.

- Even in three pieces, huh?
- You do.

- Now let's get you out of there.
- All right.

Watch your hand there.

All right.

Hurry up. Get him out.

Hurry up.

Wait till the Amazing
Randi gets here.

All right.

Oh, welcome back, hips.

Hey, guys, guys, look.

Oh, Pots!

Look.

The Amazing Randi comes in here

and sees us playing
around with his stuff,

he's not gonna
sign the contract.

- Eh.
- Get rid of this stuff.

- How?
- Well, I don't know.

Let's throw it out the
window or something.

- Just until he signs.
- All right, all right,

- I'll get the curtains.
- It keeps coming.

Well, help me with it, Ralph.

What do you think I'm doing?

Oh!

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

I'm the Amazing Randi.

Oh, yeah? Got
any identification?

- Potsie!
- Uh...

Hello, Mr. Amazing. I'm,
uh, I'm Richie Cunningham.

I... This is, this is something.

Uh, sir, why are you
hanging upside down

in a strait jacket 14 stories
over Michigan Avenue?

- It's 2:00.
- Ah.

You see, I do this for practice.

It keeps me in shape.

Oh, well, uh, see,

I'm the guy that Arthur
Fonzarelli spoke to you about.

Oh, yes. You're the young
man with the orphans.

Uh, I'd be very happy
to do that benefit for you.

Hey, that's great!
Well, uh, listen,

I've got a contract, but I
guess you can't sign it now

so I'll leave it on the desk.

Oh, no need, no need.

I have a pen right here.

Well, all right.

Uh, sign right there.

That's amazing!

He's got a pen that
writes upside down.

Well, thanks a lot, Mr. Amazing.

- Okay.
- Yeah, see you.

Yeah. Hang in there.

♪ Stars appear and
the shadow is a-fallin' ♪

♪ I can hear my
heart a-callin' ♪

♪ A little bit of lovin'
makes everything all right ♪

♪ And I'm goin' to
see my baby tonight ♪

♪ All my love,
all of my kissin' ♪

♪ You don't know what
you been a-missin' ♪

♪ Oh, boy ♪

- ♪ Oh, boy ♪
- ♪ When you're with me ♪

- ♪ Oh, boy ♪
- ♪ Oh, boy ♪

♪ You got the
world to see that ♪

♪ You were meant for me ♪

♪ Oh, boy. ♪

Aren't they wonderful?

Al, we're doing great, huh?

Yeah, terrific.

- It's terrible.
- Huh?

Rich, help me.

Everything's going wrong.

- Oh, it's gonna be fine, Al.
- Oh, sure. Fine.

You know, I put in an order for
coffee and drinks for everyone.

Well, where are they?

- Isn't that it on the tray?
- Where?

Well, all right,
they snuck it in.

Okay, what's next
on the clipboard?

All right, all right, uh, Dad has
a few announcements to make.

He's got a few
announcements to make.

And then he's gonna
introduce the magician.

Okay, all right, where's
your Dad? Where is he?

You know, he's
co-chairman too, you know.

He's on stage making
a few announcements.

Good. That's where he should be.

All right, now
where's the magician?

Where is the magician?

- Right there, Al.
- Here-here-here's the magician.

All right, all right,
you all ready to go on?

- Okay? Good.
- Yeah, of course, I'm ready.

Uh, Joanie.

I'm not going on in
front of all those people.

I look like a bike reflector.

Joanie, the audience
is filled with hunks.

Ready when you are, A.R.

All right, all right.

Look, I got to go fix up
all your props for you.

Okay now. Joanie, you look cute.

All right, Mr. Amazing,
place is packed.

At $15 a head, go
out there and kill them.

Yeah.

I'm ready.

- I'll get some water.
- Oh, good.

Nerves. Happens
every performance.

That's all right. Potsie's
getting you some water there.

- Here we go.
- Oh, thank you, thank you.

Sure.

N-Not water.

Huh?

This is straight vodka!

What?

That's impossible.

I don't drink.

Rich! Rich!

Mr. Amazing!

All right, fellas.

We're running late.

I mean, your dad is out there

telling a bunch of corny jokes.

Now, who's next on the schedule?

How...

dry...

I am...

He sings, too?

A kangaroo goes into a bar
and asks for a scotch and soda.

And the bartender
says, "That'll be $7.50."

And the bartender says,

"You know, we don't get
too many kangaroos in here."

- Howard!
- And he...

Marion, I'm right in
the middle of a joke.

Oh, everybody knows
that joke, Howard.

Oh?

And then the kangaroo says,

"Well, at these
prices, it's no wonder."

What do you want, Marion?

Huh?

Uh, uh, look, folks,

why don't you just
take a few minutes

and finish your tapioca
pudding, and I'll be right back.

What's happening here?

Well, uh, the, uh,
Amazing Randi,

uh, thirsty, and nervous,

and so Potsie, not water, vodka.

Blotto.

You gave him a glass of vodka?

Yeah.

Dad, you can't do it!

- Why not?
- There's no time.

Right. There's no time.

If he can't perform,

they're going to start
screaming for their money back.

All right, Dad, now
listen, we can't panic.

It's true, we're in
quite a bit of trouble.

But we just got to, just
got to try to sober him up.

Okay, so could you stall?

And how do you
propose I stall, huh?

Two giraffes meet
on the street...

♪ Venus, goddess of
love that you are... ♪

That's not a stall,
that's a dead stop.

You could tell your war stories.

They take forever, Dad.

Yeah, I could do that.

- Mr. C...
- Oh, no, Howard.

Well, all right, all right.

Let's try and get him
up and walk him around.

Mom, would you get
some coffee, please?

All right, certainly.
Uh, cream and sugar?

Black, Mom, black.

Let's go.

Okay. How you doing?

I just came in to
wish Randi, uh...

Oh, it's amazing.

I'm all dressed up and
nowhere to disappear.

Well, you're young, dear.

You'll get used to
the disappointment.

All right, don't
fret, everybody.

All you got to do is
find another magician.

Fonz, where are we gonna
find another magician?

Oh.

Well, here ya got a red scarf,

see, like, like that?

- Oh.
- Oh.

That's wonderful.

Wonderful.

Isn't that wonderful?

You thought that was wonderful?

- Hey.
- Oh!

For you.

We want the milk can!
We want the milk can!

We want the milk can!

Please.

Please, folks, let me
have your attention.

Here is what you
have been waiting for.

A man whose actions
speak louder than words,

the Fantastic Fonzie.

All right, you lucky devils.

I need my able assistant,

my most beautiful shortcake.

The bowl, madam.

All right, now, I'll
tell you something.

She loves me.

She loves me not.

Ladies and gentlemen,

she loves me.

And because I love her,

I need her to have a
whole bouquet herself.

You know...

Where are they?

There they are!

Coming up is a doozy.

It's gonna put a
snap in your trunks.

The disappearing box.

May I have my
assistants, please?

I'm gonna get in this box here.

You'll notice that everything's
the same right here.

I'm going to disappear.

Whoa.

Spin me!

All right, here we go.

Two ostriches
meet on the street...

No humor, Ralph, this is magic.

You brought me
back a little soon.

All right, this next trick,

this next trick is fabulous.

It's called the floating woman.

I need a volunteer.

Pick me, pick me!

I think I got a live wire.

A loud round of
applause for Mrs. C.

Don't overdo it, Marion!

All right, now,
Mrs. C., listen up.

When I snap my fingers,

you're gonna go
into a deep sleep.

I'm ready when you are, Arthur.

All right, my assistants please.

Not now, Mrs. C.

All right, I want
you to concentrate.

Watch my fingers.

Watch them, watch them,

and you're out like a light.

All right, gentlemen.

Gentlemen, the chairs.

Gentlemen, the board.

My Hula-Hoop.

Shortcake.

Thank you.

We want danger!

Give us the milk can escape.

Please, please, can't you
see I'm in a trance here?

Hasn't he sobered up yet?

I did every trick I know in
the book and I also did...

I promised them
the milk can escape.

He's not sober yet, Fonz,
and we have tried everything.

They're just not gonna leave

until they see the
milk can escape.

Well, I'm afraid
we're just gonna

have to give them
their money back.

Oh, Mr. C...

Hi, show's going great.

Oh, yes it is, but, uh,

well, I'm afraid
the Amazing Randi

isn't feeling so well.

And no one else can
do the milk can escape,

you see, because
it's very dangerous.

What about Fonzie?

He can do anything.

Yeah, that's-that's
true, that's very true,

but in this particular case,

uh, you know, people drown.

Please, Fonz,
you've got to do it.

No, uh, kids, I don't
think you understand.

There are only three
people in the whole world

that can do this, uh,
escape trick, you know?

One of them is dead,

one of them is in the hospital
and one of them is, uh...

Smashed out of his gourd.

Correctamundo.

The orphanage needs the money.

Please, Fonz?

You can do it.

Fonzie, you can't do it.

Arthur, this is too dangerous.

The milk can escape can only
be done by a trained magician.

Or you, Fonz.

You can do it, Fonz.

- Please?
- Would you?

All right, look,

just prepare the
milk can, you know.

Yay!

Hey, hey, look, Mr. C.

I mean, you only live once.

I mean, it's just
a trick, ain't it?

Mm-hmm.

But do you know how to do it?

I was hoping you could tell me.

He can't.

No.

We want the milk can!

We want the milk can!

Ladies and gentlemen, may
I have your attention, please?

You are about to witness

one of the most unusual,

the most breathtaking

and dangerous
deeds ever attempted.

The famous milk can escape.

Well, it's about time.

There gentlemen are
preparing the milk can.

Boy, I'd hate to be the
cow that had to fill this.

Put him in it!

Hurry up, Pots,
they're getting hostile.

Okay, that does it!

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

the man who will be
performing this extraordinary feat

of daring do, the one,

the only, king of escape,

the Fantastic Fonzie!

Fonzie, it's not too late to
change your mind, you know.

Hey, I know what
I'm doing, Mr. C.

I know.

And I want to tell you all
that this can is solid steel.

It is the exact can
that Houdini used

that I'm gonna use.

Whoa.

Uh-oh.

Get the locks!

- Get it down.
- Are they down?

I got this one.

And this one's a little stuck.

All right, locked back here.

- Okay.
- Okay, bring in the curtain.

- Curtain down.
- Bring curtain down.

15 seconds!

Incidentally, ladies
and gentlemen,

the locks used here
were supplied and certified

to be authentic by
Cunningham Hardware.

25 seconds!

Ladies and gentlemen,
you are privileged

to be the only
audience in the history

of the state of Wisconsin

to see Houdini's
magic milk can escape.

This is something you're
going to be able to tell

- your grandchildren.
- 35 seconds.

What's happening?

Fonzie's doing the
milk can escape.

He's been in there
over 40 seconds!

Oh, Howard.

40 seconds! Get
him out of there.

He'll drown!

Who's got the keys?

Ralph's got them.

I've got the ax.

Hey, gang, George Fenneman said

he's gonna review
our show tonight.

Just a few minutes.

Hey.

I got great news.

It looks like we're gonna
clear over $12,000.

All right.

What a fabamundo night.

I'll bet I could
get a lot of hunks

with that milk can escape trick.

I think I'll try it.

Hunks? Hunks?

What are you, crazy?

Hey, let me tell you
something, shortcake.

I've been in that can, you know?

I mean, you could
die in there or worse!

Oh, Amazing, how
are you feeling?

My first hangover.

Thanks to Potsie.

You're welcome.

Oh, that music
is driving me nuts.

You mind if I get rid of it?

No, wait a minute.

I brought it down so we could
hear George Fenneman's review.

- Oh, Al.
- Come on.

He told me he was gonna
mention my name on the radio.

Look, if Rosa Colletti is
listening, she'll hear me.

What should I do
with this thing now?

Oh, well.

Oh!

That's really amazing.

Sure. Sure, it's not your radio.

Oh, Al, I'm sorry.

- Fonzie.
- Yeah.

Thanks a lot.

You really saved the day.

Are you kidding? Whoa.

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and
rollin' all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪