Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 6, Episode 11 - The Fonz Is Allergic to Girls - full transcript
Richie tries to find the reason Fonzie seems to be allergic to girls before the celebrated chick magnet ditches dating forever.
♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪
♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪
♪ Ready to race to you ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪
♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪
♪ It feels so right
it can't be wrong ♪
♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪
♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪
♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
♪ Saturday, what a day ♪
♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪
♪ These happy days are yours ♪
♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪
Happy Days is filmed
before a studio audience.
Hi, Fonz.
Chach.
I'm glad to see you.
That is glad. Hey, what's up?
You want me to fix an engine,
a little overhaul, change the...
What's up?
Chach...
it's a solemn day.
Very important day.
Today, you become a man.
All right!
The Hooper triplets are coming!
No Hooper triplets.
I'm going to put
a responsibility
that's going to weigh you down,
the likes of which
you've never seen.
Aren't I a little young to
be running for President?
Sorry, Fonz.
Chach...
I want you have this.
Fonz...
this is your little black book.
Only "A."
I don't want you to hurt
yourself carrying the whole set.
"Susie Argas."
Susie Argas...
Six stars?
And T.S...
T.S.?
Yeah, she gives
out trading stamps.
You're gonna get
an electric blanket.
I'm gonna sleep in the cold.
This is my dream come true!
But, Fonz, wh-why you
giving me your black book?
I can't tell you.
I can't tell you. Uh...
- There's more.
- More?
Pour vous.
My deed to my spot
at Inspiration Point.
- Are you kidding?
- No kidding.
And that also includes
Pamela and Cricket's
gardening chores up there.
This is fantastic!
I don't believe it!
Wait a minute.
Fonz, why are you
giving me all this?
You leaving town or something?
I said I don't want
to talk about it.
You're family, you'll
understand, all right?
Sit down.
Chachi,
the Fonz has decided to stop...
dating girls.
Well?
I don't believe it!
The Fonz not dating girls?
What a kidder!
Youth.
Oh, Richard, you look so nice.
This another date
with Lori Beth?
Yeah. Well, after
Jackie Gleason.
We're gonna go see the
new Brigitte Bardot movie.
Hoping it will give
Lori Beth a few ideas.
Wonder if Howard'll go.
Mom!
Well, I'm late for
Jennie Piccalo's.
She's having a
come-as-you-are party.
Just one minute,
Joanie Cunningham!
Would you just take that
towel off right this minute!
I mean... well, you
know what I mean.
Gotcha!
You didn't get me.
I knew that you
had something on.
- Aw...
- Oh, Joanie.
It's Brigitte Bardot.
She's going to influence
this whole country.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
A flat tire.
A flat tire!
And on Gleason's opening night.
- Hi, Dad.
- Hi.
- Bye, Dad.
- Have a nice time, dear.
Yeah, I will.
Are you out of your mind,
letting her go out
looking like that?
Uh, dear, don't worry.
She's got clothes on underneath
and it's just to
Jenny Piccalo's.
That last part is not
very reassuring, Marion.
Come on, Dad, sit down.
Jackie Gleason's almost on.
- Yeah.
- Did you have a nice dinner, dear?
I haven't had any
dinner yet, Marion.
Oh, dear, well, I'll
make you something.
Not now!
Wait till the commercial.
All right, get ready.
Okay.
Richie, you watch
the TV set, huh?
All right.
Jackie will be right back
after these words
from our sponsor.
Go!
Um... um... um...
Come on, Marion!
Oh, you know, I just
crack under pressure.
A sandwich, Marion.
Just a sandwich!
Well, let's see what we have...
Okay, first commercial.
Toothpaste are eating
all the bacteria germs.
Oh, look, Howard.
Here's some, uh, sardines.
Sardines with peanut
butter and bologna, Marion?
Okay, bug killer
commercial's on now.
Here comes the bug spray can
and... he sprays!
- You got the popcorn?
- Okay.
- Okay... go on...
- Got the bottles...
All right, come on.
Five, four,
three, two, one...
And away we go!
Aw, great, look, uh...
Listen up, this is, uh,
short and sweet here.
Monumentous decision.
I ain't gonna
date girls no more.
End of discussion.
Should've known better.
It's Jackie Gleason night.
Whoa.
Mmm...
Here, Howard.
Thanks, Marion.
Mmm!
Hello, Acme Meat Company?
Al Delvecchio here.
Al.
Al of Arnold's.
No, he went back to the Orient.
Listen, I'm calling 'cause I
gotta cut down on my meat order.
Well, actually,
I gotta cancel it.
Well, take a look at this place.
I mean, there's nobody here!
Fonzie hasn't been
here in a week.
No Fonzie, no girls.
No girls, no guys.
No guys, no Arnold's.
No Arnold's, no Al...
Hello?
Hello.
Well...
How do you like that?
He hangs up on a broken man.
Look, why don't you go home?
There's nothing
here tonight. Nothing.
It's the Depression's
going on here.
- ♪ Ta-da! ♪
- ♪ Ta-da! ♪
Hey, Al.
Hey...
Al...
your troubles are over.
We brought back the two most
beautiful girls from Oshkosh.
Guys, girls aren't my trouble.
Not for you, Al. For Fonzie!
That's right.
Simple logic, Al.
The Fonz hasn't
dated for a week, right?
Fonzie's merely bored
with Milwaukee girls.
Therefore, ergo...
Oshkosh girls!
Oshkosh, by gosh!
Uh, this cutie here,
her name's Doris.
Nice smile, huh? Great hair.
Have you ever seen
a dream walking?
Just once.
Meet Charlene, Al.
How are ya, how
are ya, how are ya?
Red hair, freckles...
The kind of looks
I really go for.
And wait'll you hear Doris sing.
Charlene tells jokes, Al.
Good stuff. Good stuff.
Go ahead, Charlene.
Tell them the one
about the ant farm.
- Ha, yeah.
- Okay, well,
this ant's drivin' a tractor...
Now wait a minute.
This is really funny.
I didn't get to the
punch line, yet.
No, I didn't mean that.
I mean, look, here's Doris.
She's got dark hair,
nice pretty white teeth.
- Huh?
- Yeah.
And here's Charlene.
She's got red hair and freckles.
And this one sings
and this one tells jokes.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Do these two remind you two
of two other people you know?
- No.
- No.
Wow.
Wow!
Hey, when's the
Fonz gonna get here?
- Yeah...
- It won't be soon enough.
Fonz, all right.
You see what, uh, Ralph and
Potsie brought you from Oshkosh?
Fonz, new talent, new talent.
Hold it!
Fonzie...
All right, that's it!
Conference time.
I want to talk to you
in your office now!
All right, Fonz, open up.
Because it's unhealthy for
you to keep this inside like this.
Conference time?
You noticed.
Now, look, I'm sorry, Fonz,
but you were acting so weird
it was just driving me
crazy. I'm-I'm sorry.
I accept your plea of insanity.
Well, it's good to have
you back to normal.
I can get this pressed.
Fonz, look, this
thing of not dating...
I gotta tell you, it's
got me very worried.
- And I appreciate it.
- Well...
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna give you my office
when I'm gone.
Gone?
Yeah.
I'm going down the old
bike highway for the last time.
- Fonz...
- Yeah, that's right.
I talked to a doctor.
You're not gonna
say that you're...
- y-you know...
- Worse.
Worse than, than... you know?
Fonz, nothing's
worse than "you know."
Oh, Fonz.
You gotta tell me.
What is worse than "you know"?
Rich...
I got an allergy.
An allergy?
You got an allergy!
That's all, just an allergy.
I don't think it's
a laughing matter.
I'm sorry, but everybody's
allergic to something.
I mean, I'm allergic
to strawberries.
Life goes on. I've
learned to adjust.
I eat blueberries
instead. I still...
Hey, Richie, Richie, what
are you talking about?
What I'm allergic to...
there's no substitute.
It can't be that bad, Fonz.
I mean, what are
you allergic to?
Girls.
Fonz, you can't be serious.
It's just impossible
to be allergic to...
to half the people in the world.
I am.
- Richie...
- Huh?
Picture this.
Inspiration Point,
right? Moonlight.
- And I'm with a gorgeous girl, right?
- Yeah.
And I'm moving in for the kill
and then at the
last moment, right?
I sneeze.
That really gets her going, huh?
I'm allergic to girls, Rich.
No, I...
What if you're not
allergic to girls, okay?
Let's just look at some of
the environmental factors.
It could be anything.
You could be allergic
to, uh, corsages.
Negative, I asked the girls
not to bring me
any more flowers.
All right, the ragweed
up at Inspiration Point.
There's a lot of
ragweed up there.
Negative.
I asked the girls to
mow it and burn it.
They did it. It's
the girls, Richie.
That's just an assumption.
We need scientific tests.
These lips do not
touch guinea pigs.
Fonz, I was talking
about testing girls.
I did that.
I did your test.
I did your test.
I kissed every
girl in Milwaukee.
You know what I got? I
got a red nose, sore lips
and it's embarrassing, Richie,
it's embarrassing to
have girls say, "Bless you,"
when I didn't even do anything.
Fonz... Fonz, will
you repeat that?
I did your test.
I did your test.
I kissed every
girl in Milwaukee...
- Aha!
- Oh, what's "aha"?
- Every girl in Milwaukee!
- Yeah.
Maybe you're only allergic
to girls in Milwaukee.
I mean, if... well,
no, no, that's crazy.
That doesn't make any sense.
No, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
One, two, three, four, five,
ten, 15, 20, 30, 40...
It's not so crazy.
I've kissed every girl
in Milwaukee, right,
but I have not kissed
girls from out of town
since I got these sneezes.
- Is that true?
- That's true.
Well, then the answer might
be right outside this door.
What's that?
We got the perfect
subjects for tests.
Potsie and Ralph's
Oshkosh girls.
Oshkosh girls?
Yeah, you see that?
Science can be fun!
I knew that, I knew that!
I'll set them up.
I'll set up the test.
Yeah, set it up.
All right, nose, I'm
right behind you.
Charlene and Doris?
Fonzie's gonna be
out in just a minute.
That's cute. Come on down here.
Guys, listen up.
Uh, see, Fonzie's problem is
that he thinks that he's, uh,
allergic to girls.
- Nah.
- What?!
And he's very
sensitive about it.
- So don't say anything, okay?
- Got it.
- No problem.
- Are you girls ready?
Yeah, ready!
Stupid question.
Okay, the subject
may come out now.
That's you, Fonz.
I knew that.
All right, this way.
Okay, what you're about to see
is a controlled experiment.
Fonzie here, uh,
thinks that he's...
allergic to girls.
Allergic to girls...
Happens to everybody, Fonz.
No big deal.
All right.
To continue.
Uh, before we test
the subject here,
I'm gonna throw my own
personal health to the wind
and I'm gonna
kiss the girls first.
Smooth, Rich, real smooth.
Should we let him?
Well, we gotta start somewheres.
It's okay.
All right.
No reaction at all.
It was no big thrill
for me, either, bub!
Well, when I said no reaction,
I meant no sneezing
or anything. I...
Fonzie, you ready to try?
Yeah, might as
well give it a shot.
Okay, who's gonna be first?
- I am!
- Please, pick me, pick me...
Uh, Charlene's first.
Okay, Fonz.
Fonzie, you can't
kiss through leather.
I mean, it just does not
work for the experiment.
Good.
Okay, just give it a shot, Fonz.
Fonz, we're on
the right track here.
Okay, go for the next one.
I think I'm cured.
- All right!
- Yay!
My lips are happy again.
The Schweitzer of Arnold's, huh?
Hey, all right.
- Girls, my place.
- All right.
My place, I'm cured. Hey...
The Fonz is cured.
Yeah, great medicine.
I think I'll try it
for my hay fever.
I feel like Mr. Wizard.
Oh, the Fonz isn't cured.
Did I just miss something, Pots?
He can't be allergic to
every girl in Milwaukee.
It's gotta be something else.
Makes sense.
I just should've realized.
Mr. Wizard wasn't
built in a day.
Surprise, sweetheart.
Things were a little
slow down at the store,
so I thought maybe you and I
could, maybe, uh, you know...
Hi, Dad.
Have lunch with Richard.
- Well, how nice.
- Mmm.
Hello, world!
Huh? All right!
Oh, good, more company.
It's busier here
than it is at the store.
Fonz, you look like you just
won the Indy 500 or something.
Hey, I feel better.
I feel better.
No allergies, no
sneezes, you know?
♪ No more lonely nights. ♪
Oh, Arthur, that's wonderful!
Right.
Well, maybe now you'll stop
tuning your motorcycle
all night long, huh?
Now, was it some
special medicine?
Well, I'll tell you
something, Mrs. C.
It was like, part Charlene,
you know, part Doris, hey?
Ah.
Let me tell you
something, Richie.
Last night we had a
festive and sneezeless night.
That's right.
Those girls are...
Girl Scouts.
Isn't this fun? More company.
Such a fun day.
Hi, how are you?
Can Fonzie come out and play?
Whoa...
Poor Fonzie.
Poor Fonzie? Poor us!
Aw...
I'm gonna get to
the bottom of this.
What's the use?
What do I want a whole wall
full of sneeze memories, huh?
I'm sorry. It's just habit.
Can't leave without my pil-pil.
Moving?
Yeah.
Where?
Hey, I don't know.
You know a
mountain top for rent?
Fonz, you can't
give up like that.
You know, there's
a guy in Kansas
had the hiccups for 15 years.
He had six kids.
- That man never quit.
- Yeah?
I bet his wife wanted to.
Look, look, let's just
start from the beginning.
Did you bring the girls
here for your date last night?
Correctamundo.
All right. Then the
answer could be
in this very apartment.
I want you to tell me
exactly what you did
to prepare for that date.
Are you nutso?
If that information got
out in the wrong hands,
it might be the
end of civilization
as we know it today.
Well, we're gonna
have to risk it, Fonz.
And you're gonna
have to cooperate.
Either that or a mountain top.
You ever talked to a
mountain goat, Fonz?
Real dull conversation.
- I mean, heh, dull.
- Hey, hey, hey.
I understand dull, all right?
Now look, not one living soul,
living or dead, has ever
heard or seen what I do
to prepare for a date,
you understand that?
Right.
If I show you, it never
leaves this room.
Oh, I promise, Fonz.
All right.
Honor bright, snake bite.
Honor bright,
- snake bite, huh?
- Yeah.
Well, uh, I'll just take that as
some middle-class oath
or something like that.
- Turn your back on me.
- Why?
Because I don't want you to
see where I keep my master list.
Oh. Yeah.
All right.
Turn around!
Here it is.
You got a check list!
Hey, easy with it, easy, huh?
Of course I've got a check list.
I don't leave nothing to chance.
Everything by the numbers.
Numbers, yeah...
Oh, can we skip
over one to five?
I really don't want to
take a shower with you.
- All right.
- Here's number six.
- "Brush teeth."
- Did it.
All right, seven,
"brush tongue."
Did it.
Eight.
"Proper attire."
Hey, I'm wearin' my
Wednesday night T-shirt.
How do you know that?
Because my Wednesday
night hanger is empty, that's why.
I gotta tell you, I wish
I had a list like this.
Yeah. Well, it's something
to shoot for, Cunningham.
Yeah. All right, number nine.
"Set mood music."
Right. Mood music, all right.
♪♪
Uh, Fonz, I gotta
ask you something.
This, uh, number 35...
Just go on to something else.
Well, how do you
do that? I mean...
- Oh...
- Practice, you practice.
All right, number
ten is "lip exercise."
Lip exercise. Check.
Uh, I don't get it. Why
are you doing that?
To loosen up.
You can't go out
with a tight pucker.
Anyway, it helps you
toward the 35, you know?
Oh, yeah, 35.
Man to man, Fonz,
why does it say here
to yell "Geronimo"?
Forget it.
- Go on, what's next?
- Oh, okay.
Uh, we got, uh, number eleven.
"Present token of affection."
- Right.
- Well, what does that mean?
Well, every chick I go out with
gets two spurts of,
uh, perfume, you know.
Perfume! All right, that's
what you're allergic to!
Is it cheap perfume?
Hey...
seven dollars a
bottle ain't cheap.
And let me tell you something:
What stuff this is...
Ah, it don't make
me sneeze, either.
- It don't make me sneeze.
- All right.
Ooh.
All right, well, uh,
only one more before
we get to the good stuff.
- All right, what's that?
- Number 12.
Hey, number 12. Aftershave.
What kind of
aftershave do you use?
Hey, it's called...
"Mister Musk."
I want to tell you, a few...
a few splashes at night,
chicks turn off the light.
This stuff is the best.
It is a killer!
- You understand?
- Yeah...
You understand? And it...
I think it's better than
this perfume there.
Wait a second! All right.
Cancel the mountain
top! I think we got it.
It's a... it's a combination
of things, Fonz.
It's, uh, Mister Musk
and the seven dollar perfume.
Watch this.
Look at that.
There's your allergy.
It's a chemical reaction.
See, the girls have
got on, uh, this stuff,
you got on Mister Musk, so...
I always wondered where
the smoke came from.
I always thought
it was friction.
Yeah.
Hey.
The Fonz is cured!
The Fonz is cured!
Mr. Wizard strikes again.
Hey, I want to tell you
something, Richard.
You pulled me out
of this one, you know.
- That's okay.
- Is there some way I could repay you?
You know, there is.
What's that?
Will you draw me
a picture of 35?
All right.
♪♪
You take some,
- and now you have some.
- Isn't this nice?
Here it is Saturday night,
the whole family is together,
and the father is
trying to hear Gleason.
Oh, I'm sorry, dear.
It's just... it's
just not often that
the children are home
on a Saturday night.
Yeah.
You know, I don't know why
Jenny Piccalo got grounded.
It was her sister who tried
to bribe the vice squad.
Joanie, Gleason.
Oh, sorry, Dad.
- You know...
- Shh.
Dear, your father
is watching Gleason.
Thank you, Marion.
That's all right, dear.
You know, when a man
works hard all week...
Marion, Gleason.
Yes, dear.
Geronimo!
What is he doing up there?
Oh, it's-it's nothing.
It's just... it's,
uh... number 35.
♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪
♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪
♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪
♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪
♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪
♪ Rockin' and
rollin' all week long ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪
♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪
♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪
♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪
♪ Ready to race to you ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪
♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪
♪ It feels so right
it can't be wrong ♪
♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪
♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪
♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
♪ Saturday, what a day ♪
♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪
♪ These happy days are yours ♪
♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪
Happy Days is filmed
before a studio audience.
Hi, Fonz.
Chach.
I'm glad to see you.
That is glad. Hey, what's up?
You want me to fix an engine,
a little overhaul, change the...
What's up?
Chach...
it's a solemn day.
Very important day.
Today, you become a man.
All right!
The Hooper triplets are coming!
No Hooper triplets.
I'm going to put
a responsibility
that's going to weigh you down,
the likes of which
you've never seen.
Aren't I a little young to
be running for President?
Sorry, Fonz.
Chach...
I want you have this.
Fonz...
this is your little black book.
Only "A."
I don't want you to hurt
yourself carrying the whole set.
"Susie Argas."
Susie Argas...
Six stars?
And T.S...
T.S.?
Yeah, she gives
out trading stamps.
You're gonna get
an electric blanket.
I'm gonna sleep in the cold.
This is my dream come true!
But, Fonz, wh-why you
giving me your black book?
I can't tell you.
I can't tell you. Uh...
- There's more.
- More?
Pour vous.
My deed to my spot
at Inspiration Point.
- Are you kidding?
- No kidding.
And that also includes
Pamela and Cricket's
gardening chores up there.
This is fantastic!
I don't believe it!
Wait a minute.
Fonz, why are you
giving me all this?
You leaving town or something?
I said I don't want
to talk about it.
You're family, you'll
understand, all right?
Sit down.
Chachi,
the Fonz has decided to stop...
dating girls.
Well?
I don't believe it!
The Fonz not dating girls?
What a kidder!
Youth.
Oh, Richard, you look so nice.
This another date
with Lori Beth?
Yeah. Well, after
Jackie Gleason.
We're gonna go see the
new Brigitte Bardot movie.
Hoping it will give
Lori Beth a few ideas.
Wonder if Howard'll go.
Mom!
Well, I'm late for
Jennie Piccalo's.
She's having a
come-as-you-are party.
Just one minute,
Joanie Cunningham!
Would you just take that
towel off right this minute!
I mean... well, you
know what I mean.
Gotcha!
You didn't get me.
I knew that you
had something on.
- Aw...
- Oh, Joanie.
It's Brigitte Bardot.
She's going to influence
this whole country.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
A flat tire.
A flat tire!
And on Gleason's opening night.
- Hi, Dad.
- Hi.
- Bye, Dad.
- Have a nice time, dear.
Yeah, I will.
Are you out of your mind,
letting her go out
looking like that?
Uh, dear, don't worry.
She's got clothes on underneath
and it's just to
Jenny Piccalo's.
That last part is not
very reassuring, Marion.
Come on, Dad, sit down.
Jackie Gleason's almost on.
- Yeah.
- Did you have a nice dinner, dear?
I haven't had any
dinner yet, Marion.
Oh, dear, well, I'll
make you something.
Not now!
Wait till the commercial.
All right, get ready.
Okay.
Richie, you watch
the TV set, huh?
All right.
Jackie will be right back
after these words
from our sponsor.
Go!
Um... um... um...
Come on, Marion!
Oh, you know, I just
crack under pressure.
A sandwich, Marion.
Just a sandwich!
Well, let's see what we have...
Okay, first commercial.
Toothpaste are eating
all the bacteria germs.
Oh, look, Howard.
Here's some, uh, sardines.
Sardines with peanut
butter and bologna, Marion?
Okay, bug killer
commercial's on now.
Here comes the bug spray can
and... he sprays!
- You got the popcorn?
- Okay.
- Okay... go on...
- Got the bottles...
All right, come on.
Five, four,
three, two, one...
And away we go!
Aw, great, look, uh...
Listen up, this is, uh,
short and sweet here.
Monumentous decision.
I ain't gonna
date girls no more.
End of discussion.
Should've known better.
It's Jackie Gleason night.
Whoa.
Mmm...
Here, Howard.
Thanks, Marion.
Mmm!
Hello, Acme Meat Company?
Al Delvecchio here.
Al.
Al of Arnold's.
No, he went back to the Orient.
Listen, I'm calling 'cause I
gotta cut down on my meat order.
Well, actually,
I gotta cancel it.
Well, take a look at this place.
I mean, there's nobody here!
Fonzie hasn't been
here in a week.
No Fonzie, no girls.
No girls, no guys.
No guys, no Arnold's.
No Arnold's, no Al...
Hello?
Hello.
Well...
How do you like that?
He hangs up on a broken man.
Look, why don't you go home?
There's nothing
here tonight. Nothing.
It's the Depression's
going on here.
- ♪ Ta-da! ♪
- ♪ Ta-da! ♪
Hey, Al.
Hey...
Al...
your troubles are over.
We brought back the two most
beautiful girls from Oshkosh.
Guys, girls aren't my trouble.
Not for you, Al. For Fonzie!
That's right.
Simple logic, Al.
The Fonz hasn't
dated for a week, right?
Fonzie's merely bored
with Milwaukee girls.
Therefore, ergo...
Oshkosh girls!
Oshkosh, by gosh!
Uh, this cutie here,
her name's Doris.
Nice smile, huh? Great hair.
Have you ever seen
a dream walking?
Just once.
Meet Charlene, Al.
How are ya, how
are ya, how are ya?
Red hair, freckles...
The kind of looks
I really go for.
And wait'll you hear Doris sing.
Charlene tells jokes, Al.
Good stuff. Good stuff.
Go ahead, Charlene.
Tell them the one
about the ant farm.
- Ha, yeah.
- Okay, well,
this ant's drivin' a tractor...
Now wait a minute.
This is really funny.
I didn't get to the
punch line, yet.
No, I didn't mean that.
I mean, look, here's Doris.
She's got dark hair,
nice pretty white teeth.
- Huh?
- Yeah.
And here's Charlene.
She's got red hair and freckles.
And this one sings
and this one tells jokes.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Do these two remind you two
of two other people you know?
- No.
- No.
Wow.
Wow!
Hey, when's the
Fonz gonna get here?
- Yeah...
- It won't be soon enough.
Fonz, all right.
You see what, uh, Ralph and
Potsie brought you from Oshkosh?
Fonz, new talent, new talent.
Hold it!
Fonzie...
All right, that's it!
Conference time.
I want to talk to you
in your office now!
All right, Fonz, open up.
Because it's unhealthy for
you to keep this inside like this.
Conference time?
You noticed.
Now, look, I'm sorry, Fonz,
but you were acting so weird
it was just driving me
crazy. I'm-I'm sorry.
I accept your plea of insanity.
Well, it's good to have
you back to normal.
I can get this pressed.
Fonz, look, this
thing of not dating...
I gotta tell you, it's
got me very worried.
- And I appreciate it.
- Well...
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna give you my office
when I'm gone.
Gone?
Yeah.
I'm going down the old
bike highway for the last time.
- Fonz...
- Yeah, that's right.
I talked to a doctor.
You're not gonna
say that you're...
- y-you know...
- Worse.
Worse than, than... you know?
Fonz, nothing's
worse than "you know."
Oh, Fonz.
You gotta tell me.
What is worse than "you know"?
Rich...
I got an allergy.
An allergy?
You got an allergy!
That's all, just an allergy.
I don't think it's
a laughing matter.
I'm sorry, but everybody's
allergic to something.
I mean, I'm allergic
to strawberries.
Life goes on. I've
learned to adjust.
I eat blueberries
instead. I still...
Hey, Richie, Richie, what
are you talking about?
What I'm allergic to...
there's no substitute.
It can't be that bad, Fonz.
I mean, what are
you allergic to?
Girls.
Fonz, you can't be serious.
It's just impossible
to be allergic to...
to half the people in the world.
I am.
- Richie...
- Huh?
Picture this.
Inspiration Point,
right? Moonlight.
- And I'm with a gorgeous girl, right?
- Yeah.
And I'm moving in for the kill
and then at the
last moment, right?
I sneeze.
That really gets her going, huh?
I'm allergic to girls, Rich.
No, I...
What if you're not
allergic to girls, okay?
Let's just look at some of
the environmental factors.
It could be anything.
You could be allergic
to, uh, corsages.
Negative, I asked the girls
not to bring me
any more flowers.
All right, the ragweed
up at Inspiration Point.
There's a lot of
ragweed up there.
Negative.
I asked the girls to
mow it and burn it.
They did it. It's
the girls, Richie.
That's just an assumption.
We need scientific tests.
These lips do not
touch guinea pigs.
Fonz, I was talking
about testing girls.
I did that.
I did your test.
I did your test.
I kissed every
girl in Milwaukee.
You know what I got? I
got a red nose, sore lips
and it's embarrassing, Richie,
it's embarrassing to
have girls say, "Bless you,"
when I didn't even do anything.
Fonz... Fonz, will
you repeat that?
I did your test.
I did your test.
I kissed every
girl in Milwaukee...
- Aha!
- Oh, what's "aha"?
- Every girl in Milwaukee!
- Yeah.
Maybe you're only allergic
to girls in Milwaukee.
I mean, if... well,
no, no, that's crazy.
That doesn't make any sense.
No, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
One, two, three, four, five,
ten, 15, 20, 30, 40...
It's not so crazy.
I've kissed every girl
in Milwaukee, right,
but I have not kissed
girls from out of town
since I got these sneezes.
- Is that true?
- That's true.
Well, then the answer might
be right outside this door.
What's that?
We got the perfect
subjects for tests.
Potsie and Ralph's
Oshkosh girls.
Oshkosh girls?
Yeah, you see that?
Science can be fun!
I knew that, I knew that!
I'll set them up.
I'll set up the test.
Yeah, set it up.
All right, nose, I'm
right behind you.
Charlene and Doris?
Fonzie's gonna be
out in just a minute.
That's cute. Come on down here.
Guys, listen up.
Uh, see, Fonzie's problem is
that he thinks that he's, uh,
allergic to girls.
- Nah.
- What?!
And he's very
sensitive about it.
- So don't say anything, okay?
- Got it.
- No problem.
- Are you girls ready?
Yeah, ready!
Stupid question.
Okay, the subject
may come out now.
That's you, Fonz.
I knew that.
All right, this way.
Okay, what you're about to see
is a controlled experiment.
Fonzie here, uh,
thinks that he's...
allergic to girls.
Allergic to girls...
Happens to everybody, Fonz.
No big deal.
All right.
To continue.
Uh, before we test
the subject here,
I'm gonna throw my own
personal health to the wind
and I'm gonna
kiss the girls first.
Smooth, Rich, real smooth.
Should we let him?
Well, we gotta start somewheres.
It's okay.
All right.
No reaction at all.
It was no big thrill
for me, either, bub!
Well, when I said no reaction,
I meant no sneezing
or anything. I...
Fonzie, you ready to try?
Yeah, might as
well give it a shot.
Okay, who's gonna be first?
- I am!
- Please, pick me, pick me...
Uh, Charlene's first.
Okay, Fonz.
Fonzie, you can't
kiss through leather.
I mean, it just does not
work for the experiment.
Good.
Okay, just give it a shot, Fonz.
Fonz, we're on
the right track here.
Okay, go for the next one.
I think I'm cured.
- All right!
- Yay!
My lips are happy again.
The Schweitzer of Arnold's, huh?
Hey, all right.
- Girls, my place.
- All right.
My place, I'm cured. Hey...
The Fonz is cured.
Yeah, great medicine.
I think I'll try it
for my hay fever.
I feel like Mr. Wizard.
Oh, the Fonz isn't cured.
Did I just miss something, Pots?
He can't be allergic to
every girl in Milwaukee.
It's gotta be something else.
Makes sense.
I just should've realized.
Mr. Wizard wasn't
built in a day.
Surprise, sweetheart.
Things were a little
slow down at the store,
so I thought maybe you and I
could, maybe, uh, you know...
Hi, Dad.
Have lunch with Richard.
- Well, how nice.
- Mmm.
Hello, world!
Huh? All right!
Oh, good, more company.
It's busier here
than it is at the store.
Fonz, you look like you just
won the Indy 500 or something.
Hey, I feel better.
I feel better.
No allergies, no
sneezes, you know?
♪ No more lonely nights. ♪
Oh, Arthur, that's wonderful!
Right.
Well, maybe now you'll stop
tuning your motorcycle
all night long, huh?
Now, was it some
special medicine?
Well, I'll tell you
something, Mrs. C.
It was like, part Charlene,
you know, part Doris, hey?
Ah.
Let me tell you
something, Richie.
Last night we had a
festive and sneezeless night.
That's right.
Those girls are...
Girl Scouts.
Isn't this fun? More company.
Such a fun day.
Hi, how are you?
Can Fonzie come out and play?
Whoa...
Poor Fonzie.
Poor Fonzie? Poor us!
Aw...
I'm gonna get to
the bottom of this.
What's the use?
What do I want a whole wall
full of sneeze memories, huh?
I'm sorry. It's just habit.
Can't leave without my pil-pil.
Moving?
Yeah.
Where?
Hey, I don't know.
You know a
mountain top for rent?
Fonz, you can't
give up like that.
You know, there's
a guy in Kansas
had the hiccups for 15 years.
He had six kids.
- That man never quit.
- Yeah?
I bet his wife wanted to.
Look, look, let's just
start from the beginning.
Did you bring the girls
here for your date last night?
Correctamundo.
All right. Then the
answer could be
in this very apartment.
I want you to tell me
exactly what you did
to prepare for that date.
Are you nutso?
If that information got
out in the wrong hands,
it might be the
end of civilization
as we know it today.
Well, we're gonna
have to risk it, Fonz.
And you're gonna
have to cooperate.
Either that or a mountain top.
You ever talked to a
mountain goat, Fonz?
Real dull conversation.
- I mean, heh, dull.
- Hey, hey, hey.
I understand dull, all right?
Now look, not one living soul,
living or dead, has ever
heard or seen what I do
to prepare for a date,
you understand that?
Right.
If I show you, it never
leaves this room.
Oh, I promise, Fonz.
All right.
Honor bright, snake bite.
Honor bright,
- snake bite, huh?
- Yeah.
Well, uh, I'll just take that as
some middle-class oath
or something like that.
- Turn your back on me.
- Why?
Because I don't want you to
see where I keep my master list.
Oh. Yeah.
All right.
Turn around!
Here it is.
You got a check list!
Hey, easy with it, easy, huh?
Of course I've got a check list.
I don't leave nothing to chance.
Everything by the numbers.
Numbers, yeah...
Oh, can we skip
over one to five?
I really don't want to
take a shower with you.
- All right.
- Here's number six.
- "Brush teeth."
- Did it.
All right, seven,
"brush tongue."
Did it.
Eight.
"Proper attire."
Hey, I'm wearin' my
Wednesday night T-shirt.
How do you know that?
Because my Wednesday
night hanger is empty, that's why.
I gotta tell you, I wish
I had a list like this.
Yeah. Well, it's something
to shoot for, Cunningham.
Yeah. All right, number nine.
"Set mood music."
Right. Mood music, all right.
♪♪
Uh, Fonz, I gotta
ask you something.
This, uh, number 35...
Just go on to something else.
Well, how do you
do that? I mean...
- Oh...
- Practice, you practice.
All right, number
ten is "lip exercise."
Lip exercise. Check.
Uh, I don't get it. Why
are you doing that?
To loosen up.
You can't go out
with a tight pucker.
Anyway, it helps you
toward the 35, you know?
Oh, yeah, 35.
Man to man, Fonz,
why does it say here
to yell "Geronimo"?
Forget it.
- Go on, what's next?
- Oh, okay.
Uh, we got, uh, number eleven.
"Present token of affection."
- Right.
- Well, what does that mean?
Well, every chick I go out with
gets two spurts of,
uh, perfume, you know.
Perfume! All right, that's
what you're allergic to!
Is it cheap perfume?
Hey...
seven dollars a
bottle ain't cheap.
And let me tell you something:
What stuff this is...
Ah, it don't make
me sneeze, either.
- It don't make me sneeze.
- All right.
Ooh.
All right, well, uh,
only one more before
we get to the good stuff.
- All right, what's that?
- Number 12.
Hey, number 12. Aftershave.
What kind of
aftershave do you use?
Hey, it's called...
"Mister Musk."
I want to tell you, a few...
a few splashes at night,
chicks turn off the light.
This stuff is the best.
It is a killer!
- You understand?
- Yeah...
You understand? And it...
I think it's better than
this perfume there.
Wait a second! All right.
Cancel the mountain
top! I think we got it.
It's a... it's a combination
of things, Fonz.
It's, uh, Mister Musk
and the seven dollar perfume.
Watch this.
Look at that.
There's your allergy.
It's a chemical reaction.
See, the girls have
got on, uh, this stuff,
you got on Mister Musk, so...
I always wondered where
the smoke came from.
I always thought
it was friction.
Yeah.
Hey.
The Fonz is cured!
The Fonz is cured!
Mr. Wizard strikes again.
Hey, I want to tell you
something, Richard.
You pulled me out
of this one, you know.
- That's okay.
- Is there some way I could repay you?
You know, there is.
What's that?
Will you draw me
a picture of 35?
All right.
♪♪
You take some,
- and now you have some.
- Isn't this nice?
Here it is Saturday night,
the whole family is together,
and the father is
trying to hear Gleason.
Oh, I'm sorry, dear.
It's just... it's
just not often that
the children are home
on a Saturday night.
Yeah.
You know, I don't know why
Jenny Piccalo got grounded.
It was her sister who tried
to bribe the vice squad.
Joanie, Gleason.
Oh, sorry, Dad.
- You know...
- Shh.
Dear, your father
is watching Gleason.
Thank you, Marion.
That's all right, dear.
You know, when a man
works hard all week...
Marion, Gleason.
Yes, dear.
Geronimo!
What is he doing up there?
Oh, it's-it's nothing.
It's just... it's,
uh... number 35.
♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪
♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪
♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪
♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪
♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪
♪ Rockin' and
rollin' all week long ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪
♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪