Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 4, Episode 7 - A Place of His Own - full transcript

Richie's secret scheme to convince sophisticated Cindy Kendall that he has his own apartment by exchanging bedrooms with Fonzie is foiled when her furious father comes looking for her in the middle of the night.

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪



♪ It feels so right
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days ♪

♪ Are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪



♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Happy Days is filmed
before a studio audience.

Ow!

Ow, oh, I got a cramp!

What are you doing, Ralph?

Oh, my leg, my leg's in a knot!

Will you get your
leg down, Ralph?

Oh, rub it, Rich, will you?

I'm not gonna rub
your leg, it's ridiculous.

Wait till you get a cramp.

I can't handle this
necking in a car.

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna sketch
the moonlit lake.

Look, I know you like to draw,

but do you think
this is the right time?

I'm sorry, Rich,
I'm not in the mood.

I mean, that's four
cramps for Ralph

and two times Potsie
fell out of the car.

Well, they're very
quiet right now.

Oh, Alma, your
skin is so smooth.

Hands off, that's me.

Smooth skin.

It was.

Hi, Rich.

Ow, Pots!

Oh, sorry, Ralph.

You're always sorry.

Rich, you know,
your half hour is up.

Potsie, get up front.

Okay, I get the next 30 minutes.

Right. Come on,
Alma, up and over.

Come on. Come on now.

Let me get the backseat alone.

No more than 30 minutes now.

We got the back seat alone.

Come on, her foot's, her foot's

in the ashtray, Rich,
come on, move over.

We got the backseat.
This is much better.

Okay. Better than the wet grass.

Very good.

Hey.

I'm really sorry about this.

Not as sorry as I am.

Well, look, we'll come up here

tomorrow night by
ourselves, okay?

I'd rather not, Richie.

Necking's kind of childish.

If you had your own place...

Would that make a difference?

Sure it would.

Well, you know,
sometimes my parents go...

Oh, blah, you still
live with your parents?

Oh, no, no, of course not.

I've got my own place.

Go back to what you were doing!

Certainly.

You've got your own place?

Yeah, sure.

How could a high school
kid afford his own apartment?

Well, it's not easy
going to school

and running a
mail order business.

If you have your own place,
then what are we doing out here?

It's being redecorated.

Sure it is.

You can see it
tomorrow if you want.

Really? Yeah.

Oh, I can't wait to see it.

Neither can I.

Watch this, Howard, watch.

King Kong.

Uh, uh, uh-uh-uh, Tarzan!

Well, what else could it be?!

It's The Wild Ones
with Marlon Brando.

I don't remember any
monkeys in The Wild Ones.

Monkeys? This is a
motorcycle, Howard.

How do you get a
motorcycle from that, Marion?!

This is a motorcycle!

Oh, Howard,

playing charades isn't
much fun with two people.

We're not playing, Marion,
we are practicing charades,

for the championship
of the Leopard Lodge!

And I do not
intend finishing last

for the fourth year in a row.

And do you know why
we always finish last?

No, dear. Why?

I'll tell you why.

Two words. Mm-hmm.

One, one w... first word.

Uh, little, little.

Eye!

Uh, second word.

Nose, smell, stink.

I stink!

You got it!

Richard, we're playing charades.

Now, what is this? What is this?

The Wild Ones.

That's my son.

Two of a kind.

Tell your son he's home late.

All right, that's it!

I've had it!

I'm 18 years old, and
I'm still treated like a kid.

Guys my age are in
the mail order business

and they have their
own apartments.

Oh, just forget it!

Oh, calm down, dear.

Well, these are nice pictures.

Oh, look, there's Lake Michigan.

Look at this one,
Potsie's kissing.

What's that behind
Potsie's head?

Ralph's foot.

Look, everybody's
having a great time.

Do you notice where I am?

Yeah, you're right
there next to that rock.

Yeah, that's right,
me and a rock,

not me and a girl,
me and a rock.

I'm tired of being treated
like a kid all the time.

Well, we think of you as
a man, don't we, Howard?

Well, of course we do.

Now, you see there, dear?

Now, why don't you
just go on up to bed,

and I'll come up later with
some milk and cookies.

Give me a kiss right here.

That's nice, yeah.

Oh, sorry, Fonz. I
forgot it's cleaning day.

I'll talk to you after school.

Cunningham, get back in here.

The cleaning crew
was just leaving.

All right, girls.

You earned your
kisses and your car fare.

Boy... you got the life, Fonz.

Are you kidding?

Look at this dust,
look at this dust.

You know, I had a
girl once, Melinda,

now she really liked to clean.

I mean, she knew her lint.

I got something to ask
you, and it's a favor.

But I'm gonna ask you right
out, no beating around the bush,

just head-to-head, man-to-man.

Shoot.

I lied to a girl, Fonz.

I told her that I had my
own apartment, and I,

I'm gonna be stuck if you
don't let me use your place.

What do you say?

I say that every chick in town

knows I live here.

This girl's new in town, Fonz.

Listen to this,
she's an art student.

And she used to hang
out in Greenwich Village.

Greenwich Village, Fonz.

She's wild about me, she
thinks I got sexy cheekbones.

Well, never let it be said

that the Fonz stands in
the way of sexy cheekbones.

All right, tiger, it's yours.

Want a slug?

Oh, no thanks,
Fonz. This is great.

This is gonna be perfect.

See, I'm an adult now,
and I'm getting tired of

six people in a car,
everything's so crowded,

Ralph's foot comes
sticking up in the middle,

somebody honks the
horn... Cunningham,

Cunningham,
Cunningham, I understand.

You're an adult now,
you want an adult evening.

So pick a night.

Really? Any night.

Tonight. Forget it.

I-I need my rest.

On Saturday night?

Yeah, I like to stay home

on amateur night.

Fonz, I set the
date for tonight.

Yeah, but I am exhausted.

Yesterday, I fell
asleep on piston rings.

Look, I don't even need
a whole night, Fonz.

I'm just asking for half a
night, just till 12:00, huh?

What do you say about that?

I say, why am I such
a sweetheart of a guy?

Oh, thanks, Fonz.

That's all right.

Now, I bet you
want me to help you

once, uh, once the
girl gets in here, right?

I don't know.

I'm pretty good in a car.

Oh, so cute, "in a car."

This is different. Sit down.

Take this down, Cunningham.

Yeah, sure.

All right.

The Fonz will now recite

on H.W.W., How to Win Women.

Phase one.

Your basic music,
a little poetry,

you share an arepitif with her.

Phase two.

Anything that
she likes, you like.

Anything she hates, hate.

Well, what if she likes
something that's stupid?

Richard, do you want to
win a debate or win a girl?

Win a girl.

All right.

Phase three.

You drop a couple of hints
that you might be willing.

Willing to what?

Phase four.

Oh.

I got to go to work, Cunningham.

Oh, uh, Fonz?

Uh, how long should it
take to-to get to phase four?

Well, I'd give yourself,
three to five minutes.

Wait a minute.

Hey, you-you do all
this in five minutes?

Oh, no, no, the first
three are for you,

I move right to
phase four. Whoa!

Why don't you get some sleep?

You all right, Fonz?

Cunningham, I am
not gonna make it.

These eyes will not
stay open till 12:00.

Oh, sure they can, Fonz.

You're a sweetheart of a guy.

I am a beat sweetheart.

Look, I understand you
want an adult evening.

Pick any other night.

I'll give you the pad, I'll
give you the champagne,

I will supply the adult.

I've got the adult.

Look, Fonz, all you have to
do is stay awake until 12:00!

Richard, yelling
hurts my feelings.

You're right, you're right.

I got to stay calm
and just think of a plan.

I got it. I got it.

I got a great idea.

Oh! Mind your own business.

Fonz, my parents are leaving.

You can stay in my room.

No, I don't think so.

I'm not very comfortable
under a Roy Rogers blanket.

Oh, I got rid of that
a long time ago.

Fonz, we couldn't
ask for a better night.

My parents are going
to the movies with Alfred.

Look, you can sleep in my room.

We'll switch in the morning.

I'll come in there
and wake you up.

Nobody will ever know.

What about Joanie?

Joanie's easy.

Joanie, don't
bother us right now!

Hey, hey, hey, I think
that's the front door.

What would he do without me?

Oh, come on in, Alfred.

Hi, Richie. How are you?

This is Maria.

Oh, pleasant meeting you, Maria.

She doesn't understand
any English; just smile.

She's from Salerno.

This is Fonzie.

Fonzie, this is Maria.

She doesn't speak
any English; just smile.

And this is... I know, I know.

She doesn't speak any
English; I was smiling.

Oh, don't-don't-don't,

don't touch, no, no.

That's a Leopard Lodge hat.

See? Look.

Leopard-o Lodge-o.

Leopard...

Ah, ah, ah, Alfred.

Take the hat off.

You're not a Lodge member
yet, you got to earn that.

Oh. You know how bad I want it.

Oh. How do you
do, how do you do?

We better hurry
up or we're gonna

miss the beginning of the movie.

I'm Marion. Oh,
what a lovely suit.

Children, we'll be
back in a minute.

Uh, I got this at Murray's
Department Store.

Maybe we'll go shopping
together sometime.

Marion's talking to a girl who
doesn't understand any English.

Don't worry about it.

She won't find it out
for at least an hour.

Well, I'm really tired.

I think I'm just gonna go on

up to my room and go to bed.

Oh, yeah, me, too.

Man, I-I hope I make
it up all those steps.

Good night, Shortcake.

I don't believe it.

I lead the most
exciting life around here,

and I'm doing the dishes.

Here's pajamas.
Hey, I don't wear...

My mother... I will, Richie.

Right.

Richie, is that you?

Uh...

Oh, golly, oh, gee.

Yeah, it's me.

Good night. Uh, don't
let the bedbugs bite.

I must be getting tired; he
sounds just like Howdy Doody.

♪ I found my thrill ♪

♪ On Blueberry Hill. ♪

Well, this is it:
pad, sweet pad.

Yeah, this is
where it all happens.

Oh, Richie, this is cute.

And cozy.

You really like it?

Oh, I sure do.

Have you lived here long?

Uh, no, I haven't...

Well, yeah, I've lived here...

Depends on what you
think long is, about a year...

Yeah, way long, long time.

Well, who lives in the
main house, downstairs?

Oh, those are my landlords.

Oh, nice, old couple.

Howard and Marion Cunning...

Con, uh, Constantine.

They're Greek. Oh...

"Greek"?

Hey, who are all these girls?

Oh, they're just
acquaintances of mine.

Well, why do they
all say, "To Fonzie"?

No, no, no... that's Funzie.

I'm a fun guy, so they call me

Funzie Cunningham. Oh.

Listen, why don't you sit down?

Sit down and relax. Okay.

Uh, would you like some music?

Poetry?

Share an aperitif?

Oh, you're so funny, Richie.

Yeah, fun.

Oh, I'll get it. No, no, no.

I'll get it, I'll get
it. This is my pad.

Hello?

He's not here right now.

Well, listen, I'm
very busy right now,

and you're just going
to have to wait your turn

like everybody else.

These people, they
won't leave me alone.

I can see that. Yeah.

Can I take off your
sweater? Huh?

Oh, I mean, you can
leave it on if you want,

but I thought you
might be a little warm.

Oh, sure, sure. Yeah.

Hey, Richie.

Yeah? May I use your bathroom?

Oh sure, I got
one of those, too.

Oh, Richie, I like this place.

I mean, I love what
you've done to it.

I feel comfortable and relaxed

just like a Greenwich
Village hideaway.

I can just let my hair down

and be myself.

Oh, let your hair down.

Well, be back in a flash.

All right, see you soon. Okay.

Flash.

Oh.

♪ I found my thrill ♪

♪ On Blueberry Hill. ♪

Now, isn't this better
than a, than a car?

You better believe it.

In privacy.

Nobody trying to kick you.

You can do anything
you feel like doing.

You know, Richie,
some guys think

that just because you
go to their apartment,

they think they can just
take advantage of you.

Take advantage of who?

Well, I know you wouldn't
take advantage of me.

♪ I found my thrill ♪

♪ On Blueberry Hill ♪

♪ I'm in big trouble. ♪

Well? Did you miss me?

You bet.

Richie, why don't
you take your tie off?

Oh, you want to hear me
sing while I take my tie off?

♪ I found my thrill... ♪
No, no.

Take your shirt off, too.

Here let me help you.

Why do you want
to take off my shirt?

Because I've
already sketched you

in a tie and a shirt.

Now I need you in
a more relaxed look.

Gosh, oh, gee.

I'm just another model to you.

I might as well
be a bowl of fruit.

Oh Richie, no.

No. Hey...

I really like you.

Yeah? Uh-huh.

Phase four.

Look, Joanie did the dishes.

We have such nice children.

I'm glad Richie got
to bed early tonight.

He's a good boy.

Sure is.

That's why I trust him.

As a matter of fact, he's
been home all evening.

What makes you say that?

I felt the hood of his car.

It wasn't even warm.

I thought you trusted him.

I do trust him.

I was just checking
up on him, that's all.

You know, Al's girlfriend
is a lovely person. Mmm...

It took me an hour to realize
she didn't understand English.

She's terrible at charades.

I wonder who it could
be at this late hour.

Mrs. Cunningham?

Yes.

I'm Chief Petty Officer Kendall,

Cindy's father.

We didn't want to rat
on Richie, he forced us.

He pulled us right
out of Arnold's.

We thought we were drafted.

How do you do?

I'm Mr. Cunningham.

Uh, would you mind telling
me what's going on here?

Sir.

Chief. Oh.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Your son is out
with my daughter.

She was supposed
to be home at 2300.

It's now 2400 and I have
to be on duty at 0100.

Why is he talking in numbers?

Military talk, Marion.

I'll explain it later.

Oh, you were in the service?

I was in the Army. I was a cook.

Well, cooks always do eat
better than anybody else.

Relax, Howard.

May I take your hat?

Okay, I'm bald.

Now, where's my daughter?

Well, she isn't with Richie.

He's upstairs all rolled
up in a cute little ball.

He's so cute when he sleeps.

Well, your cute son, Richie,

picked up my daughter
tonight at 1900 hours.

Well, maybe she's out
with a different Richard.

Well, he's a redheaded
kid with freckles,

and he's very polite.

That's him. That's him. Aha!

Marion,

you go on upstairs
and check on Richie,

but if he's still sleeping
don't wake him.

Uh, won't you sit down, Chief?

Well, I hate to bother
you about all of this,

but I just transferred
into this area.

Cindy's a Navy brat.

Now, I know your
son may be okay,

but, well, my
daughter is kind of wild.

"Wild"?

Does she have a sister?

All right, that's enough.

You guys, home.

Come on, come on...

All right, attention!

Right face! Forward march.

Hup, two, three, four, hup!

Howie? Hup-two,
hup-two, hup-two!

Now, that's the way to
handle those boys. Thanks.

Hey, hey...

What was that?

I am afraid to ask.

That's not the redheaded kid.

Well, it must have
been some movie.

You brought home the usher.

Fonzie, will you please

tell me what you're doing here?

Amnesia?

No.

Sleepwalking? Unh-uh.

I'm open to suggestions.

Come on, Fonzie!

This is serious.
Now, where's Richie?

I don't know, could be
any number of places.

Aha! But how did you know

he wouldn't be in his room?

I got lucky.

Uh-huh. Don't pay
any attention to him.

Hello.

Hey, listen, I think I
know what you want.

I'll go and find Richie and Cindy
for you. You know where they are?

No, no, I don't
know where they are.

I have no idea, but
don't worry about it.

I mean, the Fonz
is like a bloodhound.

Maybe they're at
Inspiration Point.

Uh-huh.

Well, Fonzie is a very nice boy

and if he says
he will find them,

I'm just sure that he will.

So why don't we just
sit down and relax?

Do you have a tattoo? Marion!

Well, I guess it's
time to take a break.

Yeah. I like it like that.

Draw a picture,
take a little break.

Draw a picture,
take a little break.

Hey, Cunningham, you're
doing real great on phase four.

Did I ever describe
phase five to you?

What's phase five?
Run for your life.

The chick's father's
coming up the stairs.

My father? He'll kill me!

All right, all
right, just cool it.

Cool it, cool it, cool it.

Get dressed. Right.

Where is your coat?
My coat's right over...

It's in the bed! That's my boy!

My father's gonna kill us.

All right, all right,
just take it easy.

Just take it easy,
nice and cool.

Get out of here before
they figure this out.

We figured it out.

What is...?

But we didn't figure on this!

What is going on?

I know what's going on.

I'm a sailor.

Look, Kendall,
they're just children.

I'm sure there's a perfectly
logical explanation for this.

An Army cook is going
to tell me about life?

Joanie, go to your room!

What are you yelling at me for?

I was the only one
in the right bed.

Joanie, will you
get out of here?

All right, all right, time out!

Hold it!

Now, listen,

I think you're all very
charming, but the thing is,

this is what you might call a
middle class problem, you see?

And I can't be of any help

since I'm in a
class all by myself.

So why don't you
just take this on down

to your middle
class living room?

He's right. Come on,
let's all go downstairs.

We'll settle it there.

Come on. Richard?

Oh, uh,

Cunningham?

Good luck. HOWARD: Richard,

we're waiting!

Phase six...
Explaining to my father.

Hey, Jim, you were here.

Just answer me one question.

How'd he get the
coat in the bed?

Well?

Okay, okay, I'll admit

these sketches must
have taken a lot of time,

but who knows
what else they did?

Listen, Kendall, I know
my son, and if he says

all they did was draw
sketches, then I believe him.

Well,

maybe you're right.

Cindy, let's go home.

We can talk about
this tomorrow at 0600.

That's 6:00 a.m.

Bye, Richie.

I hope I get to sketch
you again sometime.

Yeah, sure, we'll draw a
little, take a little break, yeah.

Okay, wait in the jeep, sailor.

Uh... Cindy.

Sorry, honey.

You know, I just
don't understand it.

I handle 1,700 raw recruits,
and they tow the line.

With my own daughter,
I got no communication.

She's not Navy, Kendall.

She's your daughter.

Why don't you
try talking to her?

But I'm a busy man.
I don't have the time.

Well, you found
enough time to have her.

Can't you find some
time to spend with her?

Thanks. I'll try.

You know, I don't know
why she never sketches me.

I mean, I'm easy.

It isn't as if you
have to draw hair.

I have a very simple face.

You know, Dad,
I really appreciate

the way you backed me up.

Oh. You really must trust me.

Well, of course I trust you.

Yeah.

Richie, what really
happened, huh?

Well, Dad, it's-it's
getting a little late.

You're not going to
lecture me tonight, are you?

No, I'm not going
to give you a lecture.

Look, Richie, I know
you're getting older,

and you want to be an adult
and do things that adults do.

Yeah, I sure do.

Well, I'm not going to stop you.

I couldn't if I wanted to.

But just remember, if
you ever need my help,

you can always come to me.

I may yell at you a
little bit, but I'll help you.

Thanks, Dad. Mm.

Do you think next week

you could help me
look for an apartment?

What?!

Upstairs! Oh...

Hut, two, three, four, come on.

All right... Hut, two, hut, two.

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ Happy Days! ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and
rollin' all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪