Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 4, Episode 14 - The Book of Records - full transcript

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪



♪ It feels so right
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days ♪

♪ Are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪



♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

♪ 'Cause you've got ♪
♪ Personality ♪

Happy Days is filmed
before a studio audience.

♪ And of course you've
got a great big heart ♪

♪ So over ♪
♪ Over and over ♪

♪ And over ♪
♪ Over and over ♪

♪ Oh, I'll be a fool for you ♪
♪ Over and over ♪

Angie, everything is
going to be fine, huh?

That's right, everything is set.

You're going to stay at
the Cunningham house.

They're a very nice
middle-class family.

Yeah... hold on for
a minute, will you?

Could you cut blowing in
my ear for just a minute?

Yeah, everything is fine.

Listen, Angie,
you just make sure

you get on the
right bus this time.

I don't want to pick
you up in Detroit again.

Yes, Angie, you're talking

to your cousin,
Fonz, that's right.

All right, I'll see you.

Yeah, right, knock yourself out.

Oh, I got to get my
cousin, Angie, a job.

Ain't going to be easy.

The man is under-confident,
you know what I mean?

I mean, I once saw him
buying handkerchiefs

with monograms on them
with somebody else's initials.

That was a joke.

Stick with the ear,
stick with the ear.

Fonzie, I got to talk to you.

Hey, not now, man,

I got the world on
my shoulders, Al.

This is really important.

It's a personal matter.

All right, sit.

Fonzie, you've got to jump
15 barrels on your motorcycle,

like you did on
that television show.

I'm talking about the
world on my shoulders,

he's talking
about barrel tricks.

There's a new Magilla
Book of Records coming out,

and I got to get my name in it.

How is my jumping over barrels

going to get you in this book?

The guy from the
Book of Records told me

that he'll give my
restaurant a lot of publicity

if I could get somebody
to break a record here.

Oh, no, man, I broke
my record already.

I'm in retirement... why
don't you ask these kiddies

to do it?

Nobody cares about the
little businessman anymore.

Nobody cares about
my cousin, Angie.

Angie.

Hey, Al.

My cousin, Angie, is
coming into town, see?

I want you to give
him a job as a busboy.

He's got it.

You're gonna do it.

You're gonna jump the barrels.

No barrels, Al.

Let me ask you a question.

How much money you
got in your publicity chest?

Mmm, about $100.

Yeah, and you need this
record for publicity, right?

You're right. All right.

I'll be right back.

All right... now listen up.

The man from the
Magilla Book of Records

is coming here any day now.

Now, who's going to
break a record for big Al?

You see, what did I tell
you? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

All right, listen up.

Al says, anybody
breaks a record,

gets in this book here...

gets $100.

Do me a favor, huh?

Organize this for
me. Yeah, sure, Fonz.

You're really good
at that, thanks a lot.

No crowding.

He told me to organize,
so I'm gonna organize.

Now I know how to
get the kids interested.

Cold cash.

♪ Young love ♪
♪ Young love ♪

Hi, guys.

Hey, Angie, how's it
going? Oh, hi, Angie.

Want to play some
basketball later?

No, I'd like to... I
got to work overtime.

I want to pay for
some dishes I broke.

Yeah, well, uh,

those dishes can be
pretty slippery sometimes.

At home, my pop makes
me eat on paper plates.

My pop makes me
eat out on the porch.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to think
of a record to break,

and I need my privacy.

Oh.

Why don't you try
breaking the record

for the most hours with
a menu on your face?

Menu on his face.

Bring us three root
beers, okay? Yeah.

Coming right up.

Boy, I'm getting better.

You know, uh, I can't believe

Fonzie's cousin is so clumsy.

Well, he's not that bad.

He's going back to Kenosha
pretty soon anyway. Yeah.

Not fast enough for Al.

Maybe he can set a record
for breaking the most dishes.

Hey, you know, I think my
hay fever is acting up again.

Whoa.

Maybe you could sneeze
your way into the record books.

Not funny, Rich.

We've got to find
something here.

I mean, there's 100
bucks on the line.

Hey, maybe I could drink
the most water in one drink.

Oh, I don't know, Pots,
the most water in one drink...

yeah, right here... it's
held by a Tibetan monk.

He drank 835 gallons.

There he is,

standing in the middle
of a dry lake bed.

Yeah? Yeah, and
then five minutes later,

he broke another record.

That's a good one.

I've still got it.
Hey, wait, I've got it!

I'll break the record for
the most jumping jacks.

Jumping jacks. One, two, three,

four, five, six,

seven, eight, nine...

Forget it, Pots, you'll
never get off the ground.

I'm trying to break the record.

I don't know, what do you think?

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

I said, "Good
afternoon, gentlemen."

Good afternoon, Fonz.

Well, I feel so much better now.

All right, so now, very calmly,
why don't you teenagers

tell me how you plan
to break this record.

Oh, Fonz, we can't
think of anything!

Calmly.

We can't think
of anything, Fonz,

but, you know, maybe you
can go for another record.

I break records every day.

He sure does.

But they don't have a
category for that one, Fonz.

Yeah. Hi, Fonz.

Hey, Angie, how you doing, huh?

Isn't he cute? How...
how's the job going?

All right.

Got your drinks, guys.

One out of three ain't bad.

That's right. I'll
go get the mop.

Yeah, do that.

Man... Angie's a clumsy guy.

He's my cousin. And
a heck of a nice guy.

I like him. Sweetheart.

Hey, look, I know he's clumsy,

but I'm working with him, huh?

Yeah, and-and he's
doing real well. Yep.

It might not have been him.

There are other people in there.

Fonzie, about your
cousin, Angie...

Yeah, yeah, how many
plates did he break today?

Oh, I don't know,
who counts? Al...

38 plates, 14 glasses,

and he dropped the cook's
derby in the meat grinder.

You want me to fire him for you?

No, don't do it for
me, I love the kid.

Do it for the cook.

Right, right, right.

I'll talk to him, Al.

Can you do it real soon?

Do it nice, but soon.

He dropped the cook's
hat in the meat grinder.

That's good.

Cunningham.

He dropped the
cook's hat in the...

in the meat grinder.

It is funny, huh?

I mean, he's ruining the
Fonzarelli name, you know?

It ain't that funny!

No, it isn't.

♪ La la la... la la ♪

Great meal, Mrs. Cunningham.

Well, I'm glad you
enjoyed it, Angie.

I'm sorry about the soup, Mr. C.

Oh, don't give it
a second thought.

These are old trousers anyway.

Well, I'm going over
to Jenny Piccalo's.

You want to come along, Angie?

No, I... I think
I'll go upstairs

and watch Kukla, Fran and Ollie.

Besides, I have to go
to work in a little while.

Your spoon, Mrs. C.

I got it.

- Sorry about that.
- That's all right.

See you folks. Yes.

Work? But, Mom, he
doesn't even have a job.

Shh, dear,

Arthur hasn't told
him that he's fired yet.

He's afraid Angie will
lose his confidence.

Well, Jenny Piccalo
would give him confidence.

Out, you, and you
be home by 9:00.

Oh, but, Dad, that's
when all the action starts.

Exactly.

I'm going to be an old maid.

Hi, Rich. Hi.

Have you eaten yet?

Yeah, uh, we ate
at Arnold's Drive-In.

I put the top down.

Can I talk to you
alone for a minute?

Sure.

Do you know there's a
girl on your shoulders?

Would you mind telling
me what's going on?

Well, yeah, yeah...
we're trying to break

the "carry a girl on
your shoulders" record.

See, it-it's six
and a half hours,

and, uh, we're practicing.

Oh.

Why can't you be
like a regular kid

and swallow goldfish?

Mr. C, I've got to...

Can I talk to you for a minute?

In front of your parents?

You couldn't use my apartment?

I'm hungry.

Duck.

Duck.

Your child is weird.

Mr. C., I got to talk to you.

Now, you're a business...
Where is Angie?

He's upstairs watching
Kukla, Fran and Ollie.

Don't tell me those things.

Now, look, Mr. C., you're
a businessman, right?

Now, how do I tell Angie that
he's fired without hurting him?

You don't, but
he'll get over it.

Yeah, I guess so...
He's a Fonzarelli... I think.

Look, Fonzie, I think

maybe you're expecting
too much from him.

You know, what he needs

is something to
build up his ego,

something where he can
gain some self-respect.

He needs a nice, easy
job, one that he can handle.

That's a good idea.

Yeah, you know Mr. C., I
think you're 100% on the nose.

Give him a shot
in the arm, right?

Yeah, give him a
little push from behind.

Yeah, an easy job like, uh,

the Cunningham Hardware Store.

In my hardware store?

I think that's a wonderful idea.

Who cares, Marion?

Right, who cares?

You're one heck of a guy.

Let me tell you something,
he is going to love this.

All right... hey!

You stop watching
Kukla, Fran and Ollie.

You're in the hardware business!

He's in the hardware
business now.

You're in the hardware business!

Yes, Officer, it-it's
a gray panel truck.

It says Cunningham
Hardware Store on the side.

Yeah, Angie lost it.

What difference does
it make who Angie is?

Just find my truck,
will you, please?

Joanie, will you try

and break your
record someplace else?

I didn't lose your truck.

Oh, Howard, I don't...

I don't understand how
you could fire Angie.

He seemed like he'd make
such a nice delivery boy.

He's a nice boy, but he lost
my delivery truck, Marion.

Shh, dear, he's right upstairs.

Do you want to
hurt his feelings?

His feelings? What
about my delivery truck?

You know what it's
like to try and deliver

a sack of cement
on your back, huh?

Where's your sense
of values, Marion?

Well, where are you going?

I'm going out
and find that truck.

Duck.

Duck.

All right, relax everybody,
we found your truck.

Elizabeth spotted it.

Oh, I'll see if I
can catch Howard.

Oh, too late.

Well, the fresh air
will do him good.

Hey, Rich, where was the truck?

Angie accidentally parked it

in front of Krepnick's.

An easy mistake.

Every hardware
store looks alike.

Mom, Krepnick's
is a delicatessen.

Right.

Mom, are you going to
help me with my hair or not?

Yes, dear, come on.

Good.

Well, I think Angie Fonzarelli

is a lemon.

What'd I just hear?

A lemon... I rinse
her hair with lemon.

Hey, Cunningham,
front and center.

Want to sit down?

Oh, is it okay if I don't?

It's a little hard
getting back up. Right.

I don't know what to
do with Angie anymore.

I'm running out of time,
I'm running out of ideas.

What are you waving at?

Oh, there's a fly;
it's bothering me.

I'm talking about family,
you're talking about flies.

The fly landed on
your head, Fonz.

Yeah?

Oh, uh,

it's all right.

I-I'll wait till it leaves.

I'm sure you will.

Oh, l-let me have that
magazine, will you?

Sure, here.

Listen, I-I wouldn't
worry about it, Fonz.

You did the best you could.

You even got Angie a job
at Dad's hardware store.

Are you kidding? I
did better than that.

I fixed him up with
Kitty La Beaux.

He took her to a
drive-in movie, right?

He came home...
in the wrong car.

He came home in the wrong car.

Cunningham, what are you doing?

It's got to be the
fastest fly in the world.

I don't believe it.

Oh, he's moving
up. Try and get him.

Hi, Fonz, hi, Rich. Hey.

I'm going out for a while.

He did it.

How did you do that?

Do what?

Get the fly out
of the air, Angie.

That's it, that's
what you can do,

That's how he can get into
the Magilla Book of Records.

Nah, who'd want to do that?

Hey, where are you going?

I'm going to join the Kukla,
Fran and Ollie fan club.

Just don't tell anybody.

See you.

You know, he's got
real fast hands, Fonz.

Yeah, right, so that's
what we got to do...

We got to find something
that he can catch real fast.

Right, right.

Hey, hey, in the book,

I saw a picture of a guy
catching quarters off his elbow.

Well, that's a start.

You got any change on you?

Oh, no, I don't think so.

I'm hungry.

Heyyy.

I'm going upstairs
to get my piggy bank.

Oh, you got a piggy bank, Fonz?

That's right, I do.

Duck.

Does it go "oink, oink"
when you put pennies in it?

Actually, it doesn't,
but you're going to.

Duck.

Marion, Joanie,
they found my truck.

Where are you?

Nobody cares.

All they care about
is their records.

They want records.

I'll show 'em records.

All right.

Okay, kid.

Come on, two minutes and ten
seconds and you got a record.

Let's go. He looks tired.

I don't think he's
going to make it.

I can't make it! Oh,
look out, look out, Rich.

I can't make it! Look out, Rich!

All right, the
handstander is out

and the piggybacker is out.

Next.

Hey, he's got it, he's
getting it, he's getting it.

Now, Angie, come on,
you can do it, come on.

All right...

It's, it's all right,
Angie, you can do it.

Just believe.

Next. Our next contestant

will be Ralph Malph.

Ralph, come on.

All right, Ralph's going
to try and break the record

for the world's biggest bubble.

Okay.

Stand back, this
might get sticky.

Oh.

Okay, Ralph.

You can do it, Ralph.

Come on, Ralph.

No, I'm sorry, kid,
that wasn't even close.

Oh, wait a minute,
that's not fair.

I got another one.

Look at this one... give me
room... I got another record.

Give him room, come on.

What is that?

The world's lowest jump.

Next, next, next!

He didn't even measure it. Next!

You still got it, Ralph.

I know. Yeah.

All right, all right,
just keep it up, Angie,

just keep it up.

See, I can't do it, Fonz.
Hey, wait a minute.

What do you mean
you can't do it?

At least you're keeping up
the coins on the elbow now.

That's half the trick, ain't it?

All right, all right. Rich.

Next up, we have
Milwaukee's own Potsie Weber.

Now, he's going to attempt

to hold the world's
longest B-flat note

while simultaneously
jumping on a pogo stick.

All right, you'll have to beat
two minutes, 31 seconds.

No sweat.

This hay fever is killing me.

Okay. All right.

Note, please.

Got it.

Here we go, guys.

All right, come on, Potsie.

Oh, no.

He sneezed, he sneezed.

Gesundheit.

No record.

How about a B-flat
with a sneeze?

Please, please, next, next.

All right, where's the kid with
the nine-pound lima bean?

That kid lied.

He painted a potato green.

That's it.

I've got to get out of
here; it's driving me crazy.

Oh, oh, no, wait, wait.

We've got the owner of
Arnold's, Al Delvecchio.

Show him, Al, let's go.

Wait a minute,
hold it. All right.

Hold it, just a minute!
All right, say go.

Just stop! Say go, I'm ready.

Just a minute.

That's magnificent,

but I'm afraid Mr. Durante
still holds the record.

I'm flipping pancakes.

What's that got to
do with my nose?

All right. One...

Two... three...

four... five...

It's useless,
Fonz, I can't do it.

Hey, don't you ever say
"It's useless" to me again.

You understand? Now, listen.

Success is one
thing... that's cool.

I like success,
too, right? Right.

It's not the most important.

The thing is you
give it the best shot.

You give it your best shot.

That's all you can do, right?

Right. Get them up
there, get them up there.

All right, all right.

Got one. You got one,
you got one, all right!

See that?

I'm being calm, I'm being calm.

67... 68...

69...

All right.

70...

Way to go, Al baby.

Thanks, Ralph.

You were closer with your nose.

I certainly hope
that's everything.

Oh, come on,
Richie, do something.

All we have left
is... Fonzie's cousin.

All right, I'm going
to go get Angie.

Angie?

Angie, come on out.

We're ready for you.

All right, he's
going to be right out.

I think he's got it.

He's a little nervous.

I have got to get
out of this hick town.

Hey, oh, oh, oh,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, Angie, get out here.

All right, you see this?

This is the next Fonzarelli

that's going to be in
your book, Mr. Whoever.

All right, okay, now, Angie,

do whatever you do
with these 12 coins, right,

you're going for the record,
you're going for the record.

All right, just a s...
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hold it.

Hold it, hold it,
please, please, hold it.

That is not the record,
12 is not the record.

A man in Topeka, Kansas, did
39 coins about two months ago.

That is the new record.

Well, I'll tell you something.

We're going for 40.

I can't do it, Fonz, too many.

Why are you saying you
can't do it, Angie, huh?

Listen, I had to walk
before I could run, too, right?

I had to work up to the
Aloha Pussycats, right?

First I had to meet
the Polaski twins,

I had to go with
the Hooper triplets.

It's still too many,
Fonz. It's not too many.

You got to believe, all right?

You got to give it your
best shot, that's all.

We're going to work it up.

First you're going
to do 20 coins, right?

Ralphie, Ralphie, you're
gonna get me some more coins.

Come on. You got it.

Come on. All right, right?

All right, take, take it easy.

All right, 20 coins.

You can do it, Angie.

Just take it easy. He'll do it.

30 coins.

Just, just concentrate
and catch those babies.

This is for the record, Angie.

40 coins.

Can't be done.

All right, now, Angie, all
you got to do is believe,

right, give it your best shot.

Heyyy.

"The new record
for coin snatching...

"40 coins... was set
by Angie Fonzarelli

"in Milwaukee, Wisconsin,
at Arnold's Drive-In...

Al Delvecchio, owner." Now...

That's so nice.

Okay, listen to this.

The record for the longest
watermelon seed spitting is...

Joanie, that's enough.

Go do your homework.

How long was that, dear?

Oh, really? Isn't that amazing?

Why would anybody
want to do that?

♪ I found my thrill ♪

♪ On Blue-Blue-Blueberry Hill. ♪

Going on another date, Richard?

Yeah, how'd you know that, Dad?

Just a lucky guess.

Oh.

Hey, as a matter of fact,
I'm taking out Elizabeth.

You just find

that when you carry a girl
around on your shoulders,

you got a lot in common.

♪ On Blue-Blue-Blueberry Hill. ♪

Angie, I'm telling
you, you were fabo.

That's right, listen, don't
take any wooden nickels.

Right, that was a joke, right.

Well, okay, listen,
I'll talk to you, right.

I'll see you around.

Knock yourself out.

I'm telling you, he is
amazing, he is amazing.

He's doing well in school,
he's got a lot of confidence,

dating three girls at one time.

Whoa.

That's incredible.

Oh, not really, Mrs. C., I
mean, uh, it's in the blood.

You know what I'm talking about?

As a matter of fact,
he's a Fonzarelli.

Aaayyh, whoa!

You know, it's crazy,

thinking that someone
could gain confidence

from a silly trick like that.

Well, it's not so easy, is it?

Oh, you think you can do it?

Well, maybe.

All right, try.

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪

♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and
rollin' all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪