Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 4, Episode 11 - Richie Branches Out - full transcript

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪



♪ It feels so right
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days ♪

♪ Are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪



♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Happy Days is filmed
before a studio audience.

We've only had it
for a hundred years.

It matches together there.

Oh, boy.

Mom, it's two weeks
before Christmas.

Why are we getting the tree now?

Well, your father
found a bargain.

We're just going to
decorate the house.

Oh, Marion, we got a beauty!

Much better than last year.

I hope you can
get it in the door.

Yeah, yeah, we got it.

All right, Richie, now you

lift it high.

Now, on the count
of three, Richie,

I'm going to pull it through.

Are you ready? One, two, three.

Attaboy, Richie.

How did you, uh...?

Want some popcorn, Dad?

No.

Are you eating again? Yeah.

Marion, lend me
hand with this, will you?

Yes, dear.

What is the matter with him?

He's been acting
so strange lately.

Maybe it's the
fluoride in the water.

It must be another girl problem.

Marion, I think maybe I ought to

have a talk with
Richard alone, huh?

Come on, Joanie, upstairs.

I bet Ginny Picalow
knows all of this.

How am I ever going
to become an adult?

The same way I did, very slowly.

Aw...

Richard.

Could I talk to
you for a minute?

Mm. Sure, Dad.

Listen, uh,

there's a rumor going around

that you've got a
crush on somebody.

Oh, brother!

Why does everybody
always have to dig around

in my personal affairs?

You know, there are some things
that are private to a guy, Dad.

Okay, just forget about it.

No, you brought it up,
you've got to hear about it.

Dad, I got to tell
you about this.

This thing is
driving me bananas.

I can see that.

Oh, Dad, I fell in love.

Well, that's normal.

I fell in love with a poster.

Oh that's not normal,
that's craziness!

Oh, that's not crazy...

That is beautiful.

The Wisconsin Cola Girl, huh?

Hey, where did you meet her?

I haven't.

Oh, now I know why you've
been eating so much lately.

I went through the
same thing once.

One summer I gained 14 pounds

when I fell in love
with Jean Harlow.

Dad, you fell in love
with Jean Harlow? Yeah.

And you thought
about her all the time?

All the time.

And you even dreamt about her?

Even dreamt about her.

Did you wake up all tense?

None of your business.

Dad, Dad, just let me
tell you about my dream.

I know that dream, Richard.

No, no, I am not
talking about that, Dad.

See, the dream goes like this.

She's the way she is
in the poster here, see,

and I come up to her, and
she says, "Hiya, handsome.

Where have you
been all my life?"

See, and then I
begin to answer her...

I've been waiting
for you, sweetheart.

Humphrey Bogart.

Yeah, that's good, Dad,
but that's not what I say.

No?

See, that's my problem.

I don't know what I say.

In the dream, I always wake up

right before I'm about
to-to tell her some great line,

and just once, I'd like to
hear what it is I say to her.

Richard, your problem
is not an unusual one.

I mean, you shouldn't
be embarrassed about it.

Everybody has dreams.

Listen, why don't you talk
it over with your friends.

They're not going
to laugh at you.

Cunningham, are you serious?

I mean, having
dreams about a poster?

It's a dream, Fonz. Didn't
you ever have dreams?

Hey, wait a minute, Cunningham.

I am not a dreamer.

I am the dreamee.

She's so beautiful.

She's so beautiful, I can't
get her out of my mind.

I'll tell you something,
I cannot believe this.

After all these
years of training,

you've fallen in
love with a poster.

It's unnatural, I'm telling
you, Rich, it's unnatural.

What do you want to do, get
married, have little postcards?

So beautiful. Cunningham,
Cunningham...

Excuse me.

She's so beautiful.

Speak, beautiful.

Yeah, of course
it's on for tonight.

Yeah, of course
I'm still ticklish.

Oh.

Okay, so the thing is...

you can't do that with a poster,

you understand what
I'm talking about?

You got to go for
real chicks, huh, huh?

Look at her, Fonz.

This already is not bad.

All right, all right, all
right, that's okay, all right,

she's a very pretty girl,

but, uh, see pictures don't tell
you everything you want to know,

like what about her head?
She might be an empty noodle.

No, no. No chance of that.

She finished top ten
in her class. Uh-huh?

All right, all right, so
she's not an empty noodle.

All right, she's a smart
chick, right? Yeah.

Let me tell you something
about smart chicks...

Dull, very, very dull.

Well, in this article here...

says she likes swimming,

horseback riding,
and motorcycles.

She likes motorcycles.

It's hopeless, huh?

No, wait a minute,
I'll find something,

I'll find something,
just wait a minute.

All right, all right,

from the waist up she looks
like Jayne Mansfield, right?

She sure does.

What about from the waist down?

She could be Daffy Duck.

What are you, a
walking scrapbook?

Huh?

Uh-huh. All right, all right,

I've got one more piece
of advice for you, Rich.

Whatever you do...
Lie, cheat, steal...

You meet this chick!
This is no Daffy Duck here!

A lot of traffic downtown.

Where have you been?

We had to drive three blocks

before I found a meter
with some time left on it.

I would have given you a penny.

Where's Potsie?

He'll be right up.

They made him use
the service entrance.

Oh, great.

All right, all
right, now listen.

We've got to try
and fool this guy,

so I can get my poster
girl's telephone number.

Right. We've got
to pretend like...

we're sophisticated,
hardware businessmen.

Exactly. So no clowning, Ralph.

Does this look like
the cigar of a clown?

Thank you for seeing us.

Right. J.B., want
me to shut the door?

No, don't bother, I've got it.

That's great!

Can I see that again? No.

I've got to get that for my car.

All right, boys, let's get
at the business at hand.

I've a modeling
agency to run here.

Right, J.B.

J.B., I represent

the Inter-Global Advertising
Agency, and this is

my very wealthy client,
Richard Cunningham III,

of Cunningham
Hardware Enterprises.

Aren't you boys a little young

to get involved in business?

"Young"?

That's what they said
about Adolphe Menjou.

They did?

J.B., we have an idea here,

and we think it could be big.

Now, you've no doubt heard

of the Cunningham
Hardware chain?

I can't say that I have.

You haven't?

Well, really, B.J...

J.B.

J.B., right.

See, the reason you
haven't heard of us

is because we're a secret.

Can I see that door trick again?

Ah, leave my button alone.

Right. Show him the map, R.C.

Right. Look at this map.

See all the dots here?

They represent future locations

of Cunningham Hardware
stores throughout the world.

Hmm. What are
these, uh, red lines?

Oh, those are the
voyages of Magellan.

Very interesting... interesting.

Magellan?

You see, the Cunninghams were

the first family to sell
pliers to the Indians.

That's crazy! I know.

That's what the Indians thought

until we sold them
nuts and bolts.

Yeah.

Well, enough history. Right.

Now, on to the business at hand.

Yes, we're starting our campaign

with a big Christmas push.

"Hardware for the
Hubby," do you get it?

Hmm. Yeah.

Now we've been
scouring the country,

looking for the right
Mr. and Mrs. Tool.

We think we've found
half of our team already.

R.M.?

R.M.?

Ralph Malph!

I like that.

R.M., right.

J.B., R.M.

Meet... Mr. Tool.

Mr. Tool Man, lend me a wrench ♪

♪ And I'll be over to
build you a bench, yeah! ♪

Let's hear it for Mr. Tool!

Credible. Yes, we
knew he'd impress you.

Shall I play my saw now?

Uh, that's enough, Mr. Tool.

As we were saying,

we believe we've
found our Mrs. Tool

right here in Milwaukee.

Who is it?

The Wisconsin Cola Girl.

Angela Buvay,

a very busy girl.

Won't be available
for a couple of months.

She won't?

Well listen, J.B., uh...

couldn't you just
bring her up here

and let us meet her, you know?

Uh, well, we came all this way,

and, and she's,
she's so beautiful.

I've got to meet Angela Buvay.

Okay, Richard.

Richard, look, we
have no choice.

We're just going to
have to go with Bess.

Bess? I'm not posing
with Bess Truman.

Bess Myerson,
you tool chest. Oh.

The former Miss America?

We're just going to have to pay

whatever she wants;
the sky's the limit.

Ooh, we'll pay it.

Does this mean
you've reconsidered?

That's the idea. When
do you want to see her?

Tonight. She won't
be available till 10:00.

She's on her fifth day

of her five-day
deodorant commercial.

Oh. Well, uh...

No, that, that'll be fine.

Just have her come
after the commercial.

Have her come to
2815 Lake Avenue.

That's Arnold's.
That's Arnold's. Shh!

Thank you very much, J.B.

Okay, right, J.B.

After you, boss.

Hey, wait, wait...
Wait a minute, guys.

You promised me if I
got in this stupid outfit,

I could finish my song.
I've got two verses left.

Okay, Pots. Don't worry.

You'll sing. Just
stand right over here.

This is my big chance,
guys. Let him see you.

You ready? Okay. Sing.

Here goes.

♪ Mr. Tool Man ♪

♪ Lend me your wrench ♪

♪ And I'll be over to build... ♪

Going out?

Uh, well, yeah.

Yeah, I just thought I'd go
out and get some fresh air.

Good, good.

You going to
take a picture of it?

Oh, no, I'm not...

Oh, well, yeah. Yeah,
see, I just thought

I'd take a couple of
night shots, that's all.

Yeah. Yeah, I'll see you, Dad,

Okay, Richard? Hmm?

Before you drive all the
way down to Arnold's, uh...

I think you should know
about the call I got from Angela.

Angela called you?

Do you think that
tree is straight?

Yeah, yeah, it looks fine.

What did Angela say, Dad?

No, it's a little to the left.

Dad, will you tell
me what she said?

Oh, well, she just, uh, called

to check on why the address

you gave her was for a drive-in.

Oh.

So I guess you told her.

Yeah, I told her.

I told her it was a subsidiary

of Cunningham
Hardware Enterprises.

No kidding? Uh-huh.

You did that for me?

I did that for you,

and I did that for
Jean Harlow and me.

But don't tell your mother.

Aw, thanks, Dad.

All right, girls,
all right, hey, hey,

we're gonna take a picture now,

both of you on my lap,
over here, come on.

Fonz, what's going on here?

What are you doing here?
Now wait a minute, Red.

I know that you're gonna take
a picture of the poster girl here,

I figured maybe you could help
me out with my Christmas cards.

But she's gonna
be here any minute.

You've got to be
kidding, Fonz, I...

Hey, hey, hey, I
only need one shot.

It's my Yuletide obligation.

All right, all right,
let's just do it.

Let's do it fast
and get it over with.

Wait a minute, wait
a minute, where's Al?

Where's Al? Al,

get out here!

Hi, Richie.

Why an elf?

They were all out
of Santa Claus suits.

It was either this
or a gorilla outfit.

All right, all right, we gonna
have a party or we gonna

take a picture? We're
taking a picture, right, okay?

Everybody, smile your
brains out. Here we go.

Okay, all right.

Great, we got it.

It's fine. Everybody go.

All right, girls, take it
easy. Thanks very much.

You'll get you Christmas
bonus on Wednesday,

you'll get your Christmas
bonus on Thursday,

you'll get your Christmas
bonus on Friday and Saturday,

'cause you're so lovely, yeah.

It's all yours,
Richie, it's all yours.

Well, Richie,

I guess I'll go change
my clothes now, okay?

Oh, no, no, there's
no time for that, Al.

Wait, I've got a
blind date tonight.

Oh, well, uh, girls love elves.

She'll think you're
a real fun date.

You're sure? Yeah.

Maybe I should have
rented the gorilla outfit.

Yeah.

Next time, Al, next time.

Yeah.

All right, there's a
car just pulled up.

A car! Yeah.

That's probably Angela!

Fonz, you know, I don't even
know what I'm gonna say yet.

She's here; I don't know
what I'm gonna say to her!

Yeah?

The first thing you do is relax.

Right.

Sounds good, sounds good.

The next thing you
do is you listen to me,

'cause I've figured out
what you're gonna say

when she says, "Where
have you been all my life?"

Oh, Fonz, you
came through for me.

When don't I?

And I wrote it down.

Hi...

I'm Angela.

Hi, I'm Angela.

Hi, I'm Angela.

Right.

Hi, I'm R.C.

I'm A.F.

I'm the photographer.

Oh, well, then he
must be Mr. Tool.

Aaayyh!

No, no, he's my
finest copywriter.

Oh. Thanks for the
new slogan, A.F.

Right, I hope it
works for you, R.C.

Angela, I'm charmed.

Whoa.

What an unusual
place to, uh, meet.

Yeah, well, uh, we're
going for the teen market.

Hardware?

Well, yeah.

Yeah, kids love chains,

and-and crowbars.

That's very interesting.

Hey, you even do
your own camera work.

Mm-hmm.

Well, is this the
type of lighting

you're gonna use?

Uh, yeah... yeah.

Oh, you probably
use that fast film.

Oh, yeah, yeah, the fastest, uh,

Japanese film, Kodako.

Okay.

How do you want me?

To pose!

Pose?

Well, J.B. said

that I would be Mrs. Tool,

so, uh...

I thought I would try this.

What do you think?

I love you.

What?

Uh, uh, no, it-it.
Uh, I-I love it,

and yes and I-I
love my profession,

and you look wonderful.

How do you want me to pose?

Huh?

Hey,

I've got a great idea.

Uh, how about if I
get on top of the booth,

with the pennants
behind me, okay?

How's this?

Oh, that's terrific.

You didn't take the picture.

Oh, yeah, right, I will.

Okay,

um, how about if I do,

uh, something like, uh, this?

Hardware.

Hardware.

Would you like me
to move or something?

That's a great idea.

Okay, uh,

how about if I try, uh,
something like this?

Oh, yeah.

And, uh, this.

Oh, I got that one.

And this? That's great.

And, uh, this?

Looks beautiful.

And wouldn't it work better

if you took the lens
cap off the camera?

Yeah.

Yeah, well, um,

I think I've taken enough
shots with the lens cap on.

Now we'll go for the clear look.

Hey, why don't you
tell me what you want.

Well, why don't you
move a little closer.

Closer? Yeah.

Okay, uh, how's this?

I like that.

Okay, uh, and this?

That's great. And this.

I got that one, too. Okay,

I'll come over
here and how's, uh,

this? Oh, beautiful.

And this. Yeah.

And this. Oh, that's
a good picture.

Okay, and I'll move over here.

I got that. And this

Oh, you look so and I'll come

forward and... great, Angela.

Hey!

Are you all right?

Angela, I have a
confession to make.

I'm not a professional
photographer.

Now that may surprise you.

Well, the lens cap was a hint,

but, uh, this, uh, cinched it.

Uh, could you help me
get this tree off, please?

Oh, yeah, sure.

I'm not a photographer.

I'm not a businessman.

I'm not even R.C.

I'm Richie Cunningham,
a high school senior.

I fell in love with
a girl on a poster,

and I had to meet that girl.

You mean you went to all
this trouble just to meet me?

Well, I dream about
you all the time, and I,

and I think about
you in class, and I...

I apologize.

I'm, I'm really sorry I loused
up your whole evening.

Hey, I'm not upset.

Actually, I'm very flattered.

I'll just, uh, get my things.

Uh, Angela...

listen.

Being a model and everything,

I bet you must have a
million boyfriends, right?

Actually only one.

I'm almost engaged.

Oh.

Football player?

No.

He's a medical student.

Same thing.

Well, listen, I,

I don't think you should
get married too soon,

'cause, you could
be Miss Wisconsin,

or-or maybe even Miss America.

Thank you, Richie.

Bye.

Richie?

You know the dream you had...

Is it something
you could tell me?

No.

I-I... well, I mean,

it's too cornball,

you don't even want to hear it.

Of course I want to hear it.

I'm the leading lady.

Yeah, right.

You promise you won't laugh?

No, I won't laugh.

All right.

You're the way you are in that,

in that, Wisconsin Cola ad,

uh, where you say...

Hiya, handsome, where
you been all my life?

Right? Right, yeah.

And then I say...

"Hey, put one right here, baby."

That doesn't, uh,
sound like you.

No, that... that's not me.

No, I would say
something like, uh,

"Waiting for you...

and hoping...

that you would kiss me."

And I'd walk over to you.

Touch you.

That's my dream.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Well, I...

I guess you gotta go now, huh?

Yeah, I guess I gotta go.

Well, you don't have to.

Yeah...

I have to.

Bye.

Hey, hey, Angela...

listen, if-if your medical
student ever gets hit

by a train or anything...

why, you... you just
give me a ring, okay?

You bet.

I got enough shots
with the lens cap on.

Was it worth it?

Yeah.

Well, I-I had to know.

She's engaged.

You got to live out
your dream, Jack.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, uh, Red, let me
ask you a question.

How would you feel

about me giving your Christmas
present a little bit early?

I've got it outside in the car.

Oh, that's neat, Fonz.
What'd you get me?

No, no, not what.

The question is, who?

I got you the Polaski twins.

Oh.

No, I-I don't think so,

Polaski twins tonight, Fonz.

Let me tell you
something, Cunningham.

You know, if you
fall off a bike...

As I hear some people do...

if you don't get
right back on it,

you start driving DeSotos.

Yeah.

Yeah, but I just don't
think after Angela...

Richie...

you want to date a
DeSoto type all your life?

No. No.

No, you're right, Fonz.

Let's go.

Let's go, Fonz.

Oh, wait, wait a minute, uh,

you're on your own, laddie.

They're all for you.

Me?

Both. The...

That's right. Merry Christmas.

No, no, no, I can't
handle both, Fonz.

No.

No.

You're sure? Yeah, I'm positive.

All right, then
I'll go with you.

But I get Linda.

What's the difference?

They're identical twins.

You're gonna learn,
oh, are you gonna learn!

Yo!

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ Happy Days! ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and
rollin' all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪