Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 3, Episode 9 - Fonzie the Flatfoot - full transcript

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪



♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

(saxophone solo plays
over rhythmic handclaps)

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days ♪

♪ Are yours and mine ♪



♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, wah, ooh... ♪

Happy Days is filmed
before a live audience.

(knocking)

Yeah, Fonzie's free.

Oh, Fonz,

am I glad you're home.
Hey, Cunningham.

Dig my wall, huh?
Yeah, that's real cool.

Listen, Fonz.
Yeah, you see this?

I'm putting all these pictures
in the shape of a diamond

'cause all my chicks are gems.

Yeah, gems.

That's cool, Fonz, listen.

You see this chick?
This is Norma.

Now, her picture used to be
down here, but she's earned

a promotion if you
know what I mean.

Yeah, yeah.

I get it, Fonz, listen... And
you see this chick here?

Now, she's got a lot of
class, a lot of brains...

She's a big time receptionist
for Dr. Sadowsky, huh?

Hey.

"Would you please have a seat?"

Whoa! Fonz, please!

You see this chick
over here, that's Maria.

Fonzie, will you shut up?

Fonzie shut up?

Fonzie shut up?!

No, why don't you just say,

"Fonzie, would you
remove all my teeth?"

It's the same result.

I got something
important to tell you.

There is nothing more
important than my chicks.

The cops are looking for you.

That's more important
than my chicks.

Thanks for telling me.

Officer Kirk was
down at Arnold's.

He was asking
a lot of questions.

Kirk? Yeah.

Kirk... oh, yeah, I met him
at the, uh, Policeman's Ball.

He's a lousy dancer,
let me tell you.

Nothing to worry about.

No sweat.

Well, if it's no sweat,
how come you're packing?

Hey, I'm not packing.

I'm just rearranging my life.

Well, it looks like
packing to me, Fonz.

Hey, listen, I can't
let the cops find me

till I find out what they want.

I'm just going to hang
around town for a while.

Might take a few hours,

might take a few weeks.

Well, what should
I tell my parents?

I mean, if you take off,

they're going to ask questions.

You know, that's right.

I mean, they've been
cool, I can't just split on 'em.

All right, I'll tell you what.

I'm going to finish packing,

I'm going to come
down and talk to 'em.

We'll tell 'em my,
uh, my aunt got sick.

Always works, all right?

All right.

What's in the box, Fonz?

My engagement rings.

(chuckles)

You give girls engagement rings?

Hey, don't be silly.

They give 'em to me.

Howard, what are
you doing lurking

by the window?

Marion, turn off the lights.

Dad, if you and Mom want
to be alone, I'll go upstairs.

Nobody move.

Maybe he'll think
we've gone to bed.

Howard, there's a
police car out there.

I know that, Marion, and
I know who they're after.

They're after me.

Joanie, will you get
upstairs? I'm going.

MARION: Why are they here?

Because of all
those tickets I got

for parking in front
of the hardware store.

Can children visit prisons?

Will you get upstairs?

You still haven't paid
those parking tickets?

I refuse to, Marion.

Now, look, I am entitled
to a yellow loading zone

in front of my hardware store.

I'm a taxpayer,
I'm a model citizen,

and a leader in the community.

Is that why you're
hiding here in the dark?

You, upstairs.

Oh, it's too late.

He's coming up the walk.

Howard.

You sure you aren't just
jumping to conclusions?

They could be here
just to sell tickets

to the Policeman's Ball

or maybe the alarm
went off in your store again

or just anything.

Yeah, maybe
you're right, Marion.

(doorbell rings)

Thanks, sweetheart.

In times of crisis, I can
always count on you

for a clear head.

Well, good evening, Officer.

Evening.

Don't tell me it's time for
the Policeman's Ball again.

Or did my alarm go off
at the hardware store?

No, Mr. Cunningham, I'm here
about all your parking tickets.

A lot you know
about life, Marion.

Oh, Officer, I just begged
him to pay those tickets.

He has over a hundred upstairs.

M-Marion!

He had a ticket every
day for four months.

Marion!

All right, knock it off!

Knock it off, Marion.

That's better.

Now, Cunningham,

we can take care of all
those parking tickets of yours

and that loading
zone you've been after

if you'll do us a favor.

We want Arthur Fonzarelli.

Oh, I should have known better.

What did he do?

RADIO DISPATCHER:
Car 48, Officer Kirk, car 48.

I got to answer that radio.

Come on outside with me. Yeah.

(whispering): They want Fonzie.

Cunningham!

Yes, sir, yes, sir.

The police are after Fonzie!

Run out and up the stairs

and tell him he'd
better take it on the lam.

Oh, good, you're leaving.

Uh...

F-Fonzie has a
little bit of a problem.

Yeah, well, no, it's
not exactly my problem.

See, uh, my aunt
was hit by a bus.

Good.

What? What?

I mean it's good that you're
going to go and see your aunt.

We'll call you
when she's healed.

Take the shortcut
out the back way.

Thanks for trying, Mrs. C.

All right, Kirk,
you got me, huh?

How did I know it was
the mayor's daughter?

What's he talking about?

I don't know and I
don't want to know.

From here on in, you handle it.

Remember, you got a
loading zone riding on this.

Yeah.

All right, now, let
me ask a question.

Was my aunt hit or not?

I'll explain the
whole thing to you.

Joanie, get upstairs.

I always have to go upstairs.

I miss everything.

Everything that
happens in this house,

I have to hear in the streets.

I know... up!

Look, you're not in
trouble with the police,

but I would like to talk
to you for a minute, huh?

Sure. Sit down.

Sit here? Yeah.

Uh, look, Fonzie,

I-I've made some arrangement
with the police department.

You see, uh, as
you probably know,

for some time now

I've been wanting
to get a loading zone

in front of my hardware store.

So, uh, the police have promised

to do me a little favor and
in return, I promised them

that you would do
them a little favor.

What am I supposed to do?

You know, Fonzie, ever
since you moved in here,

uh, we've all
become pretty close.

Wouldn't you say that?

I mean, Mrs. C. likes you
and Richie idolizes you

and Joanie adores you
and I'm looking forward

to spending Christmas
with you and...

Must be some little
favor. Hey, listen,

after a speech like
that, how can I refuse?

What do you want me to do, huh?

I want you to
become a policeman.

Oh!

Are you all right? I'm
all right, I'm all right.

Hey, Mr. C., no way.

And you blew Christmas.

No, no.

No, not, not
exactly a policeman.

I'm not explaining this right.

Listen to me.

The problem is
that your old gang

the Falcons... Yeah?

Well, they're about to have
a rumble with the Dragons.

There ain't no problem.

The Falcons will
kill the Dragons.

Well, I think that's probably

what they're trying
to avoid, Fonz.

Yeah, you see, the
department thinks

you can talk them out of it,

that the Falcons
will listen to you.

Hey, I can't talk
to the Falcons.

I've been out of that
gang for three years now.

Would that make any difference?

You're still their hero.

Yeah, that's true.

I mean,

they still talk about the
time you rode your bike

through that electric
fence. Yeah, huh?

Why did he do that?

Because he's got guts, Howard.

Look, what about it, Fonzie?

You know, I-I really
need that loading zone.

Will you talk to the Falcons?

No.

No?!

But I promised them.

It's, it's such a little thing.

I mean, the whole
thing will be over

before you even get a
chance to get your uniform dirty.

Uniform?!

Are they out of their minds?

Let me tell you something.

Five minutes in a uniform
can wipe out 20 years of cool.

But you've got to
wear the uniform

in order to ride the
police motorcycle.

Are you telling me I'd get one
of those police motorcycles?

HOWARD: Sure.

See, this is your chance
to do something good.

They need you.

It's, it's like coming to
the rescue for the cavalry.

Hey, I don't like the cavalry,
man, I like the Indians.

No, no, look, it's more like

one lone man coming in
at the, at the last minute

and, and saving a whole town.

A man like uh, uh,
uh, like, like Wyatt Earp

or, or, uh, Wild Bill Hickock.

Annie Oakley. Uh, Bat Masterson.

The Lone Ranger.

The Lone Ranger?

I loved that masked man.

His white horse and
those silver bullets

and that cloud of dust and
a mighty "Heigh-ho, Silver."

Hey!

The Lone Ranger
rides again, huh?

Will you do it, Fonz?

Hey, you got it, Kemo Sabe.

Heigh-ho, Silver... and away.

How do you like that?

The Lone Ranger is going
to get me my loading zone.

And we didn't even get
a chance to thank him.

Good morning, everybody.

I'll have breakfast in a minute.

No, just coffee,
Marion, I'm late.

Thank you.

Joanie?

You get your coat, I'll
drive you to school. Okay.

RICHIE: You look great, Fonz.

Yeah, you don't, you
don't think I look dumb?

No, you don't, Arthur,
you look very handsome.

Yeah, I don't want anybody
laughing at me, you know.

Nobody is going to laugh.

Dear, look at Arthur.

(giggles)

All right, that's it.

No, no, no, Fonzie, you,
you just don't understand.

You see, she's never
seen you with a tie before.

She's funny that way; she,
she likes to laugh at ties.

Look Joanie, laugh
at my tie, huh?

It's not funny.

Oh, it's not, huh.
Well, how about this?

Yeah.

Yeah, see, I told you so.

Come on, Joanie,
I'll take you to school,

and we'll laugh at
everybody who's wearing ties.

Man, does he
indulge that kid, huh?

Are you going to
set up that meeting

with the Falcons today, Fonz?

Oh, yeah, tonight at Arnold's.

You know, the cops want me
to get the, uh, Falcons involved

in another kind of activity.

Would you like some
cinnamon buns, officer?

Hey, thanks a lot.

You know, I was, I was
thinking about softball,

something like that.

Yeah, it sounds
like a good idea.

That's what they do in prison.

They set up these
soft ball teams.

Of course they're
all home games.

(laughing): Home games.

Cunningham, I am on duty.

This is no time
to be cutting up.

Oh, yeah. Sorry, Fonz.

Yeah...

Hey, maybe you'd
like to ask the Falcons

if they want to join the
softball league I'm in.

Hey, that's not a bad idea.

I'll bring that up at
the meeting, huh?

HOWARD: Marion?
Marion, will you look at this.

Someone left us a summons because
the covers on our garbage cans were off.

Oh, yeah, just
give me that, Mr. C.

Oh, you can take
care of that, Fonzie?

Uh, no, I forgot to sign it.

♪ Dream ♪

♪ Dream, dream, dream ♪

♪ Dream ♪

♪ Dream, dream, dream ♪

♪ When I want you in my arms ♪

♪ When I want you... ♪

Oh... I tilted!

♪ Whenever I want you,
all I have to do is dream... ♪

Hey, what's going on?

Paula Petralunga just
played three games of pinball.

And I missed it!

It was a great moment in sports.

Of course.

I brought all my stuff.

What is this softball
business about?

Oh, Richie wanted
us to meet him here.

Something about our league.

Hey, look at the Fonz!

He looks like he joined
the Air Force or something.

Hey, Fonz, you look like

you joined the Air
Force or something.

Yeah? You want a
B-52 up your nose?

You're not funny, Potsie.

Definitely not funny.

What does that say?

Anything you want it to.

It says Special
Police. That's me.

Why did you join the cops, Fonz?

Hey, I didn't join them,
they joined me, huh?

They couldn't handle a rumble,

so they called on the Fonz.

All right, Fonz to the rescue!

Just like Rin Tin Tin.

What?

I mean the cavalry.

The Lone Ranger. Yes, sir.

(blowing whistle)

All right now, listen
up, attention everybody.

Arnold's is now closed.

Leave orderly, huh?

No yelling, no pushing
and no shoving.

Out, out, out, let's go!

Hey, hey, hey,
don't move so fast.

That's a moving violation.

Don't you think his
uniform looks dumb?

Yeah, but are you
going to tell him that?

Hey, did the
Falcons show up yet?

Not yet. Why?

What's the Falcons got to
do with our softball team?

What are we doing?

We're going to help
Fonz talk the Falcons

into playing softball
instead of having a rumble.

Are you kidding?

That's a dumb idea.

I played with them once.

They slid into the pitcher.

It's a good idea,
it'll work, believe me.

Hey, hey, here we are,
fellas, in kiddie land!

How are you doing, Lefty?

Hey, what is this, a trap?

Hey, it's cool, Lefty.

Hey, hey, it's Fonzie.

Ain't it a little early
for Halloween, Fonz?

Ain't it a little early
for death, Lefty?

Yeah, yeah, sure, I was
only kidding, no big deal.

You look like a cop, though.

Is there a law against
looking like a cop?

I think there is.

So?

Hey, hey, hey, leave it to the
Fonz to break the law, huh?

Now let's get down to business.

Hey, who are these nerds?

These are not nerds,
they are my friends.

Yeah.

Shut up, nerd.

FONZIE: All right, let's
get down to business.

Fonz, you hear?

We are going to kill the
Dragons tomorrow night.

Yeah, so I'm told.

All right, that's the reason

I got this little
get-together together.

Busting heads ain't the way.

LEFTY: It ain't?

FONZIE: No, it ain't.

Yeah, but they moved
into Iggy's Drugstore.

That's our hangout.

A rumble's the only way
we could get rid of them.

Why not challenge
them to a softball game?

What is this, a
batboy's convention?

Hey, hey, hey, Richie, Richie.

Why don't we just cool it on
the baseball right now, okay?

Yeah, sure, Fonz.

Drink your pop, you guys
stay there, you come with me.

Now, I hear that
the, uh, city tore down

the Dragon's hangout.

Hey, we can't help it
if the city beat us to it.

Why don't you just
put up with them

until they get a new one, huh?

Hey, need we remind you, Fonz,

that the battle for Iggy's

was fought three
years ago by you?

And you won it for the Falcons?

Past history.

Yeah, but now they come in

and they get first
grabs on everything.

No big deal.

Hey, but they even try
to move in on our chicks!

Nothing there.

Here, Fonz, here.

There's enough chicks to
go around for everybody.

Yeah, but they come
in to Iggy's and-and

they take over, and they
say, "Fonzie can sit on it."

They say, "Fonzie sit on it?"

Who wants to play shortstop?

With the Dragons around,

there's no room
to park our bikes.

They say, "Fonzie sit on it?"

They challenged us!

We can't look chicken!

I thought I was
playing shortstop.

Wait a minute!

They say, "Fonzie sit on it?"

Fonzie sit on it.

I say, let's tear
the Dragons apart!

Wait a minute!

Wait a minute,
try it my way first.

Hey, maybe the kid's right.

We could use these
in a rumble, huh?

Hey, hey, hey, I
can't believe this.

They say, "Fonzie sit on it?"

Fonzie sit on it!

Give me that bag.

But, Fonz, you were
supposed to talk them

out of having the rumble.

Now they're going to
wreck Iggy's Drugstore.

I did, I talked them
out of it. You did?

Yeah, they're going
to rumble at Arnold's.

Why should they wreck
their own hangout?

So they're going
to demolish Arnold's

while you sit here
lifting weights.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Well, why don't you cut
out the "uh, uh, uh, uh"

and put ten more pounds
on each side for me, huh?

Fonz, you can't do this.

Hey, don't be silly,

I can lift twice as
much as I got here.

Will you listen to
me for a minute?

There is nothing to talk about.

We're dealing with
the law of the jungle.

The frogs kill the flies,

the snakes kill the frogs,

and the Falcons kill
the Dragons and that's it.

The Falcons are human
beings, they're not animals.

You never ate
with them, did you?

Fonz, the police think

that you're going to be
down there handling this.

All you have to do is go
down there and talk to them.

Offer a compromise
solution or something.

Will you listen to me?

You know how
hard it is to carry on

a conversation by yourself?

Okay.

Go ahead, Cunningham,
tell me about your solution.

Well, Fonz, as
long as you ask, uh,

the Falcons could have
the hangout for the first,

first part of the week,

and the Dragons could have it
for the second part of the week.

(imitating Fonzie):
Cunningham, that's a great idea.

It's ingenious!

Heyyyyyy.

All right, the show's over.

The Fonz is not to
be made sport of.

It's a dumb idea, half weeks.

And I don't go "Hey-ey-ey-ey."

I go "Heyyy."

Well, the idea makes a
lot of sense to me, Fonz.

Well, if it makes so
much sense to you,

why don't you go down
there and stop the rumble?

Me? Yeah.

The Lone Ranger had
Tonto, you be my Tonto.

Well, I could, Fonz, but the
police think that you're going

to be doing it; I
mean, you're official.

Oh, yeah, I can't let
you go down there

with little bats and
balls without authority.

All right, come here.

There. There you go, huh?

You're official.

Yes, but it's your job, Fonz.

Hey, used to be, huh?
I quit, I'm not a cop.

Certain things don't
feel right on the Fonz.

Now if they feel right for you,
you go and stop the rumble.

Well, I-I could do it, I
mean, I, I'm not afraid.

Sure, listen, just, uh,
take my belt and my hat.

They're on the table.

I'm not afraid.

Hey, that's right, take
your plan, stop the rumble.

I will, Fonz, that's, that's,
that's what I'm going to do,

I mean, uh... I'm not afraid.

No.

I'm not. I'm not afraid.

(door slams shut)

That little guy doesn't know
what he's getting himself into.

I shouldn't have
let him go like that.

I can't get these barbells
off my chest, I can't move!

Hey, uh, is anybody down there?

Anybody!

Help!

Oh, sometimes I surprise myself.

Cool it, do you mean to tell me
that the Falcons and the Dragons

are coming here
for a rumble tonight

and that the three of
you are going to stop them

from wrecking the place?

I'm not afraid.

I am. Me, too.

I'm calling the police.

They won't come.

They think Fonzie's handling it.

Then I'm calling a cab.

Don't get so worried!

I-I'm not afraid.

I've got an idea.

I'm coming through
for you, Rich.

I once saw Burt Lancaster

stop a fight in "From
Here to Eternity."

He broke a bottle on a bar

and threatened everybody
with the jagged edge.

Hello, anybody home?

Hey, hey, we're
ahead of the Dragons.

Tired of baseball?

Playing cops and
robbers today, huh?

Hello there, Lefty.

Look, there's no reason
for you to rumble tonight.

The Dragons sent
word that they quit.

You guys win, so why
don't you go on home?

You're way too
tough for the Dragons.

I doubt that, punk!

Punk?

Hey, you guys actually
showed up, huh?

Let's get started.

All right you guys, freeze!

Wait a minute!

(pounding)

Forget the freeze.

Way to go, Burt.

Hey, what's he doing?

Burt Lancaster.

Hey, we'll fight
each other first,

and then whosever's
left kills these guys, okay?

Why wait?

Yeah.

Why not warm up on their heads?

We're going to die! (pounding)

(whistle blowing)

I kept the whistle, Cunningham,

I like whistles.

Hey, hey! It's the Fonz!

You're dead now, Frankie.

Hey, no fair. That's
five against four.

Hey, we'll give
you Burt Lancaster.

Go get 'em, Ralph.

(pounding)

I wasn't afraid, Fonz.

Hey, I can dig that.

I'm sure you weren't.

Have a seat.

All right.

The rumble tonight is
officially declared a tie.

The hangout will be shared

by both the Dragons
and the Falcons.

Are you turning
copper, Fonzarelli?

Hey... It's not the uniform...

It's the man in the
uniform, and remember...

the man in this uniform
can break your face.

You tell him, Fonz!

I'm talking to you, too.

Now, the Dragons
will have the hangout

the first part of the week,

and the Falcons get it the
second part of the week.

See, my way is better,
because the Falcons

get it for the weekend.

FRANKIE: I ain't
listening to no copper.

Yeah. You never did, Fonzie.

You guys are right,
you guys are right.

All right.

This is the Fonz
talking, all right?

And I repeat, the rumble
tonight is officially declared a tie.

Dig it?

Huh? Huh? It's
a tie. It's a tie.

It's a tie. It's a tie.

It's a tie. Ties aren't
bad. Ties are good.

All right, now. Hey, Ace!

Shake hands. Be
friends. Shake hands.

Shake.

Shake.

All right. Now in
celebration of this truce,

a round of sodas
for everybody, huh?

Compliments of the
Milwaukee Police Department.

Hey, Marsha!

Will you guys take that outside?

All right, Fonz.

All right!

Congratulations, Fonz.

Nice going. All
right! Yeah, great.

Oh, Fonzie, thank you very much,

I'm really grateful that
you stopped these rumbles.

Those Falcons are tough.

They just turned over my cab.

Hey, they're just trying
to be cool, that's all.

Yeah, but you're
still the coolest.

A toast!

To the Fonz.

Heyyy! Heyyy! Heyyy!

(laughing)

♪ La-la-la ♪

♪ La, la, la. la, la, la, la. ♪

Man, this was some night.

Fonz, you are the greatest.

Yeah, huh?

As usual.

I'll tell you something.

Now your daddy gets

his little loading zone.

Yeah. Thanks, Fonz.

It's all right.

Hey. Look at this place.

We got it to ourselves,

Let's get some girls over
here and have a party!

Hey, hey, hey! Fine,
we'll have a party!

Ho, ho, ho! Don't you
guys have any respect

for, uh, private property?

This is not your
private playground.

Come on. Get out of here.

Sorry, Fonz. It
was just an idea.

Yeah, well, it was a dumb idea.

Now you guys
drive safely, right?

No wheelies on the way home.

Take it easy. Okay, Fonz.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay, I'll see ya,
Fonz. Bye, Fonz.

Good-bye. Take it easy.

Heh...

(snaps fingers)

Hi, Kemo Sabe.

NAT KING COLE: ♪
Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa ♪

♪ Men have named you ♪

♪ You're so like the lady
with the mystic smile... ♪

(rhythmic handclaps)

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, Happy Days ♪

♪ These happy days are ours... ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪