Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 3, Episode 23 - A Sight for Sore Eyes - full transcript
Fonzie fears that his famous cool will be compromised if he wears the reading glasses prescribed to cure his headaches.
♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪
♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪
♪ Ready to race to you ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪
♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪
♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪
♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪
(saxophone solo plays
over rhythmic handclaps)
♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪
♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
♪ Saturday, what a day ♪
♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ These happy days ♪
♪ Are yours and mine ♪
♪ These happy days are yours ♪
♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪
Happy Days is filmed
before a live audience.
ARNOLD: Fonzie,
you open the door.
Open the door.
FONZIE: Hey, go away.
This is my office.
What do you think
this is... a public room?
Fonz, you know, there's a lot
of guys waiting to get in here.
Yeah, well, let them use
the gas station. It's cleaner.
Hey, why are you
holed up in here, Fonz?
Huh? Why are you
holed up in here?
Because I keep getting
these headaches, you know,
and the people don't have to
see me when I'm out of sorts.
Well, what are these?
How To Fix Foreign Cars?
What gives, Fonz?
Oh, my boss down
at the garage...
He wants to
increase his business
by adding foreign
cars, you know?
I mean, it's hard,
there's a lot of reading,
a lot of foreign
cars, not only that,
they're all in kilometers.
What are kilometers?
Hey, Fonz? Yeah.
Oh, sorry. Shh, shh, shh. Yeah.
Fonz? Yeah?
You know, uh, my father says
that if your eyes
hurt from reading,
it's a sign that you
might need glasses.
Hey, listen, your
father is an eye doctor.
He thinks people with
bunions need glasses.
(banging on door)
ARNOLD: Fonzie, you
open this door right now!
Maybe you should
let them in, Fonz.
Yeah, then maybe they'll
stop all that banging, huh?
Go open it for me, Ralph.
(clamoring)
(hammering)
MARION: Oh, Howard.
Howard, stop pounding.
I've stuck myself three
times with this needle.
Yeah, and I can't study.
Can I help it if this
stupid window is stuck?
I still say you should
call Ed Bender.
He takes down our
storm windows every year,
and he does such a quiet job.
I am not going to pay Ed
Bender an arm and a leg
for a job I'm perfectly
capable of doing myself.
If I say anything now,
I'll get sent upstairs.
(hammering)
(hammering continues)
What are you doing?
I can't get... Shh!
I can't get this
stupid window closed.
MARION: That's amazing, Arthur.
Oh, yeah, Mrs. C.
It's all in the ankle, you know?
Hey, Mr. C., there is such a
thing as common courtesy.
One does not pound
on one's window
when someone is trying to sleep.
What are you talking about?
It's only 7:00.
And you're still up?
Yes, Fonzie, we're still up.
We lead a wild life around here.
We have lots of fun.
As a matter of fact, I'm
going out to the garage now
and get an oil can
for that window.
Whoopee!
(door closes)
Arthur, you've got another
headache, haven't you?
Yes, I do, Mrs. C.
Well, I'll get you an
aspirin right away.
Hey, I think I'll be all right
now that, uh, John Henry
put down his hammer.
I'll catch you folks later.
Hey, Fonzie, would you help me
with my homework before you go?
You want me to help
you with your homework?
Well, sure.
Richie usually does,
but he's in Chicago.
Oh, yeah?
What subject we got here?
Geometry. Hey,
that should be good.
I'm very good with shapes.
(laughs)
All right, down here?
"To get to the store,
"you must drive
five miles due east,
"then you turn due north
"and drive for ten miles.
"However, you could
ride your bicycle on a path
leading from your house
straight to the store."
Shortcake, this is
a dumb problem.
I ain't going to the store,
and why should I go ten miles
if Lumpy's Stop 'n
Shop is on the corner?
Oh, look, I'm going
to finish this upstairs.
This is pathetic.
FONZIE: Yeah.
Now I'm starting to
send myself upstairs.
Here you are, Arthur.
Now, Arthur... Oh, thanks.
Does reading give
you a headache?
Mm.
It certainly does.
I'll tell you something.
Those driving manuals give
me a headache, that's for sure.
Well, could be your eyes.
You know, maybe you
should see an optometrist.
Hey, that's what Ralph said.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Now I'm beginning
to think like Ralph.
I'm going to make an appointment
for you with Ralph's father.
Oh, yeah, as long as he
doesn't stick a stick in my mouth
and make me go, "Aah!" Huh?
No, I don't think
he's going to do that.
He'll probably just put
some drops in your eyes.
Hey, that's all? Yeah.
Hey, I'll see this
eyeball guy, it's all right.
Where's my dad, Betty?
Oh, he's on the phone.
He'll be right with you.
Uh, can I do anything
to help you, Mr. Fonzarelli?
Yeah, why don't you
just call me Fonz?
Fonz? Yeah.
Hey, there's something you
can do for me, honey lips.
You can pick me up at
7:30 tonight... don't be late.
(snaps fingers)
I won't, I won't.
7:30... Fonz.
You got it.
I can't.
I forgot.
I'm married.
Why can't I do that?
Come on, Fonz,
tell me how you do it.
Yeah, right, let a child
play with matches, huh?
No way.
So this is it, huh?
This is where your father
does all his work, huh?
That's right, Fonz.
Earns a living here.
Pretty sharp, huh?
Yeah. Just answer
me one question.
Anything, Fonz.
When does he take off?
(laughs): Right.
You know, I'm really
proud of my dad.
He's a great optometrist. Yeah?
He even made the cover
of a trade journal once.
Peepers Magazine.
I'm telling you, Fonz,
you're really going
to like my dad.
And you know why? No.
'Cause he's just like me.
That's a recommendation?
Hiya, Ralph.
Hiya, Pop.
Sorry to keep you
fellows waiting.
I accidentally fell
into my lens grinder
and made a spectacle of myself.
(laughing)
Yeah, yeah, I want
to tell you something.
I'm fighting back the laughs.
So, you're Fonzie, huh?
Yeah.
How are ya? How
are ya? How are ya?
(laughs)
That's your favorite,
Fonz... Arthur Godfrey.
Oh, yeah, I almost forgot.
I taught him that one.
Ralph's told me a
lot about you, Fonz.
Yeah?
Yeah, I understand Ralph
gets your girls for you.
Huh?
I was kidding, Fonz, kidding.
All right, I'll just get
my glasses here,
and we will begin, huh?
(laughs)
(Ralph laughing)
RALPH: Look at those glasses!
Isn't that great?
Oh, yeah, clever
stuff, very clever.
I love to laugh.
It keeps my eyes young.
I'm getting out of here.
No, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
I have my serious
side, too, you know.
This side here.
(laughs)
Hey, uh, can we stop
coming out with the jokes?
I mean, I can't
listen to this all day.
The boy's right... it's time
to get down to business.
Let's get serious.
Whoa.
Now, I understand you've
been getting headaches
when you read, is that right?
That's right.
All right, we'll fix
you up in no time.
Now, I want you to
read the middle line
on that chart, please.
Okay.
"F-P-C-A-L-T-R."
That's incredible.
What?
You got every letter wrong.
Hey, I took a shot.
MALPH: Here.
Try it again.
All right.
"Universal Paper Company."
What?
No, not the card, the chart!
FONZIE: Uh, all right.
"R-L-M P-Q... P-T."
Perfect.
All right, now the other eye
and the next line, please.
Go ahead.
I can't.
What are you, blind? Read it.
I can't.
Mr. Fonzarelli,
have you ever done
an injury to that eye?
Hey, how do I know?
I mean, oil flies in the garage.
It's an occupational
hazard, you know.
Oil, oil... that explains a lot.
Now, look, I want you to look
through this machine here.
Oh, yeah? What am I going
to do, see a girlie show?
(laughs) That's funny.
All right, now, is that clear?
Yeah.
Clearer? Yeah.
All right, read it now.
All right.
"R-L-M-Z-M-P-T."
Perfect, perfect.
All right, you want to get
this off before we crash?
You know, this boy really
has a sense of humor, Ralph.
Hey, hey, hey, don't
play with the glasses.
I think I know what's wrong.
Your problem is really minor.
You see, your right eye
is weaker than your left,
and the imbalance is
causing your headaches.
Here you are.
What's this?
Well, that's a
prescription for eyedrops.
That's all I need? Eyedrops?
That's all.
All right, eyedrops, all right!
For the time being, until
your glasses are ready.
Glasses?
Oh, you'll just have to
wear them for a few months.
I think your eyes should
be back to normal by then.
I ain't going to wear glasses.
Glasses ain't cool.
RALPH: Fonz, you
can get used to 'em.
Yeah, and get used to
looking like Clark Kent?
No way!
See here, young man.
I may kid around a lot,
but I take my
profession very seriously.
Now, if you don't wear glasses,
your eyes are going
to get steadily worse.
Whether you like it or not,
I'm going to make
you a pair of glasses.
Now, I can't make you wear 'em,
but if you don't wear them,
it could lead to a tragedy.
And believe me, I
have seen tragedy.
I have seen pinkeye.
(laughing)
Oh, no, no, no.
I shouldn't kid around.
It's the pixie in me.
I couldn't resist it.
Fonzie, this is
serious business,
and I mean what I say.
I'll see you later, Ralph.
All right, Pop.
Good-bye ya, good-bye
ya, good-bye ya.
(laughs)
Good one, Pop, good one!
(laughs)
Stop laughing.
This ain't funny.
I mean, the thing is,
how can you put glasses
on a perfect face like this?
You know what that's like?
You know what that's like?
That's like putting a
moustache on the Mona Lisa.
That's like putting
Bermuda shorts
on Whistler's Mother.
It just ain't done!
I'm sorry, Fonz. Don't touch me.
I mean, you know
what's going to happen?
They're going to
line up pretty soon,
'cause news travels very fast.
They're going to start
laughing at the Fonz.
I mean, as a matter
of fact, no one, no one
is going to call me
Four-Eyes Fonzarelli.
Whoa!
Hey, Pop? Pop? I'm leaving.
(screams)
(screams)
(laughing)
You did it again, Ralph!
I still got it, Pop.
(laughs)
Hey, hey, let's go home
and scare your mother.
All right.
HOWARD (over phone): You're
not too busy, are you, Rich?
Oh, no... no, Dad,
no, I'm... I'm not busy.
I-I can talk. Go ahead.
Good, good, good.
Tell me, how do
you like Chicago?
Are you studying hard?
Oh, studying... boy.
(laughs)
Dad, you wouldn't believe it.
I've met all sorts of,
uh, interesting people
from all over the country.
(door opening) Ah, that's good.
Oh, wait a minute, Rich.
Your mother just walked in.
Sweetheart, come
on, it's Richie.
Huh? Here. Hello, Richard.
Are you keeping warm, dear?
HOWARD: He's
keeping himself warm.
He already told me.
Did you hear that,
uh... that Fonzie went
to see the eye doctor,
and he needs glasses?
I told him that, Marion.
Oh. Well, did you hear
that he just absolutely
refuses to wear them?
Yeah, I told him
that, too, Marion.
Well, what did you
leave me to tell him?
Hey, you could ask him
when he's coming home.
Oh, good.
Richard, when are you
coming home, dear?
Oh, uh, right, yeah.
Uh, Saturday.
I'm going to be home Saturday
uh, for the April
Fool's Day dance.
Oh, well, good.
Maybe you can talk
some sense into Fonzie.
Well, we love you, dear.
Dress warm. Bye.
Bye, Rich.
Bye.
She wants me to keep warm.
He sounded cold.
Quick!
Get bandages, boil water!
Joanie, what happened?
Fonzie, he's been in an
accident... his motorcycle.
I knew it.
He drives like a maniac.
What did he run into?
RALPH: Lake Michigan.
Leave your hands
off me, all right?
What a lousy
place to put a lake.
Joanie, get a blanket.
Arthur, I'll make you
some hot soup right away.
Yeah, all right.
Would you like to tell
me what happened?
No. Fonzie.
Hey, you heard.
I drove into Lake Michigan.
What's the big deal?
What did you do a
silly thing like that for?
I'm sure there's a perfectly
logical explanation, Howard.
Yeah, there is.
Well, what is it?
Somebody moved the road!
Yeah, that's logical.
Well, Fonz, I thought you said
it was because
everything got blurry, right?
Everything got blurry?
Well, you know, out of focus.
I mean, one minute,
I'm driving, happy.
The next minute, I'm pulling
seaweed out of my carburetor.
See, Fonz, my father was right.
Your eyes are getting worse.
All right, I know
what I got to do now.
Wear your glasses.
Yeah, that's right,
wear my glasses, except I
ain't going to leave my apartment
till my eyes get better.
Oh, Arthur, you
can't live like a hermit.
Oh, yes, I can.
These guys'll bring me my meals
and they'll bring over the
cars I'm supposed to fix.
I'll fix 'em at night.
It won't be that
much trouble, right?
Well, Fonz... Aaayyh!
I'd like to do it, Fonz,
it'd be great, yeah.
But Fonz, you
know, if you do that,
you're going to miss the
April Fool's Day dance.
Yeah, you can't miss that.
Potsie's been
nominated for King Fool.
Yeah.
And you're supposed to
announce the winner, Fonz.
Hey, it'd be a hollow victory
if you didn't announce my name.
Well, what are you
going to do, Fonzie?
I don't know yet.
Couldn't you wear those glasses
for just a few months?
I don't know.
Listen, you guys, help
me drive my bike, will you?
You can't drive your
bike without your glasses.
Hey, God, how could
you do something like this?
Didn't you always
say I was your favorite?
Whoa.
("Bye Bye Love" playing)
♪ I'm through with love ♪
♪ I'm through with countin' ♪
♪ The stars above ♪
♪ And here's the reason ♪
♪ That I'm so free ♪
♪ My lovin' baby... ♪
RALPH: Hey, Fonz,
you finally made it.
GIRLS: Oh!
All right, look,
uh, girls, I know,
don't knock
yourselves out, all right?
Not now, okay? Thanks a lot.
Hey, Fonz, you made it.
Hey, of course I made it.
Yeah, but you're
not wearing the...
Hey, look.
I wore them; I drove
backstreets all the way over here.
Oh, but Fonz,
you can't do that...
I don't want to talk about
it anymore, okay? Huh?
♪ Bye, bye, sweet caress... ♪
He needs us.
Yeah, but the Fool's
Contest is starting any minute.
Come on, Pots, come on.
Hey, Fonz.
What is the matter
with me, men, huh?
Why can't I put these
glasses on my face?
Is there anything we
can do to help, Fonz?
Are you kidding?
You guys are useless.
Sorry, Fonz.
Hey, it's not your fault,
it's an accident of birth.
You know what I need
here? You know what I need?
I need Cunningham.
Richie? Why? FONZ: Yeah.
Because he's got that way
of talking me into things.
You know that?
I mean, he talked me into
wearing a cop's uniform,
he talked me into singing,
he talked me into talking you
out of going into the Marines.
How's he do it, Fonz? Well,
how does he do it? I
mean, he embarrasses me.
He makes... he makes
these speeches, you know.
He just, uh, he shakes his head,
he goes, "Huh, huh, huh, huh."
That's how he does it, you know,
with his "Huh, huh, huh, huh."
Huh, huh, huh, huh.
Back off, Potsie.
All right, come on, you guys.
They're lining up for
the Parade of Fools.
Hey, look, I got to march
with the other nominees.
I got to go.
Yeah, I got to go, too, Fonz.
I'm his campaign manager.
Hey, listen.
You do what you want,
but they're expecting
you out there, okay?
Yeah.
Hey, Fonz.
I just got back.
The guys told me
you were here. Whoa!
Hey. Hey.
You're just the man
that I need to see, huh?
Hey, I got to tell
you about Chicago.
I don't want to
hear about Chicago.
I need a favor.
You need it right
now? Sooner than that.
Will you plant
yourself right there?
Sure. All right, now, look.
If I don't put these glasses on
in the next minute and a half,
I will never put them on, okay?
You just sit there,
listen to me, all right,
and whatever you do,
just answer me
with "Huh, huh, huh."
Is this an April Fool's joke?
This is not a joke. Just say it.
Huh, huh, huh. No, n-no, no,
that's not right,
no, you got to say it
like you're trying to
convince me of something.
Oh, oh, I know, I know.
Uh, you mean,
uh, "Huh, huh, huh."
Oh, that's it, that's
right, all right.
Okay, here we go, you ready?
Yeah. All right, look.
The Fonz don't
want to wear glasses,
I don't have to wear glasses.
Listen, Fonz, I...
No, no, no, no words, no
words, just "Huh, huh, huh."
Oh, huh, huh, huh.
Right, okay, okay, that's good.
Look, no one is going
to laugh at the Fonz.
I am not to be
made sport of, huh?
Huh, huh, huh.
Excellent, excellent, okay.
Hey, this is ridiculous, I
want to tell you something.
Huh, huh, huh. Not yet.
All right?
Wearing glasses just ain't cool.
Huh, huh, huh, huh, oh...
I want to tell you something.
Those last two at the
end... an excellent touch.
Cunningham, I don't
know what you put
into those "Huh, huh, huh's,"
but they sure do the trick.
Listen, Fonz, all "Huh,
huh, huh" s aside...
Yeah.
Yeah, I think if you
got to wear glasses,
that you should put
'em on, go out there,
and show everybody that
with glasses or without glasses,
you're still the Fonz.
ARNOLD: And here
are the Fool finalists.
Hey, Fonz, listen, I'm sorry.
I took an early train
back so I could see this.
I got to go. Yeah, yeah.
(people applauding,
"Bird Dog" playing)
You know, he's right.
No matter what, you're cool.
Whoa, are you cool.
♪ Johnny is a joker ♪
♪ He's a bird... ♪
Come on, the
three Fool finalists,
you park your bikes right here.
Three Fool finalists,
right here, park your bikes.
♪ What a dog ♪
♪ Johnny is a joker that's
a-tryin' to steal my baby ♪
♪ He's a bird dog... ♪
Potsie,
I told you to ring
your little bell.
I forgot.
Oh, you're such a potsie.
Okay, everybody settle
down, settle down, knock it off.
Now's the time to find out
who gonna be King
Fool for another year.
And here to announce the
winner is nobody's fool, Fonzie.
All right, all right, listen,
the judges said they had a
very hard decision to make,
'cause there's so many
fools to choose from.
All right, can I have
the envelope, please.
Now... I could read
this card real easily,
but it would be a little
blurry, you know what I mean?
And why read something
blurry when it's unnecessary.
(crowd gasping)
(cheering and applause)
All right, now, let me
ask you a question.
What are you "oohing"
and "ahing" about?
The Fonz wearing glasses?
Let me tell you something, Jack.
Wearing glasses is cool.
That's right.
There are a lot of
chicks out there,
you don't put your glasses
on until the lights go off
in the movies, right?
Dumb, very dumb.
A lot of guys out there, right?
You know, you
take your glasses off
every time a chick
walks by, right? Huh?
Dumb... very dumb.
All right, Arnold!
Look at that.
Yeah, that's right, and
let me tell you something.
Wearing glasses
is C-O-O-L, dig it?
That's right.
It's a lot cooler than driving
into a lake... let me tell you.
All right, and now I would
like to clearly read the winner
of a $25 savings
bond, a tricycle,
and a date with the... with
the queen of his choice.
All right?
Ladies and gentlemen,
last year's Fool is this
year's Fool... Potsie Weber!
(cheering and applause)
I won again! Four
years in a row.
You can have the tricycle,
Ralph. RALPH: All right.
(tricycle bell rings)
Okay, now, this is the King's
Dance, so everybody join in.
Uh, I pick as Queen
Fool... Debbie Pederson.
("You Send Me" playing)
Cunningham, how
do I really look?
Fonz, you look fine.
Don't ever lose your
"Huh, huh, huh's."
RICHIE: Hey, Fonz,
where's your glasses?
FONZIE: Hey, I got them, I
got them! I had to take them off.
The chicks won't
leave me alone... whoa!
Listen, uh, I got
to ask your advice.
Of course.
When I was in Chicago I
met this girl from Texas...
Lulubelle... and we
had a pretty good time.
Hey, I'm proud of
you. Uh, thanks.
Well, anyway, we said
that uh, that from now on
we were going to spend
all of our vacations together.
Well, now I'm back home,
and I'm thinking about it,
I'm not sure it's
such a good idea.
What do you say about that?
All right, listen, let me explain
something to you, okay?
A normal guy goes to
Chicago and meets Clarabelle.
Uh, Lulubelle.
Whatever.
A normal guy, see,
he says all right, listen,
I'm going to spend all my
vacations with you and they do, right?
Turns out to be a disaster.
All right? You can never
recapture magic moments.
You had magic moments, huh?
Yeah. You could say magic.
Right. All right, now.
A cool guy, on the other hand,
puts the score out right away.
Says, "Look, what we
had in Chicago is over.
Now you go your
way, I'll go mine..."
(phone ringing)
In that way you can
preserve a memory, huh? Dig?
Hey, Rich, you got a
call... long-distance.
A chick from Texas.
Here? Whoa.
Thanks.
Hello.
Yeah, hi, Clara... Lulubelle.
Yeah, yeah right.
I told my folks
I'd be down here.
Uh... Easter vacation?
Yeah, sure, I'll meet
you in Fort Worth.
Right.
Okay, bye... sweetie-pie.
(laughing)
Well, look, it's boring
around here at Easter.
You know that cool
is a dying art? Whoa!
♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪
♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪
♪ Good-bye gray
sky, hello, blue ♪
♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪
♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪
♪ Rockin' and
rollin' all week long ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪
♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪
♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪
♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪
♪ Ready to race to you ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪
♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪
♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪
♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪
(saxophone solo plays
over rhythmic handclaps)
♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪
♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
♪ Saturday, what a day ♪
♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ These happy days ♪
♪ Are yours and mine ♪
♪ These happy days are yours ♪
♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪
Happy Days is filmed
before a live audience.
ARNOLD: Fonzie,
you open the door.
Open the door.
FONZIE: Hey, go away.
This is my office.
What do you think
this is... a public room?
Fonz, you know, there's a lot
of guys waiting to get in here.
Yeah, well, let them use
the gas station. It's cleaner.
Hey, why are you
holed up in here, Fonz?
Huh? Why are you
holed up in here?
Because I keep getting
these headaches, you know,
and the people don't have to
see me when I'm out of sorts.
Well, what are these?
How To Fix Foreign Cars?
What gives, Fonz?
Oh, my boss down
at the garage...
He wants to
increase his business
by adding foreign
cars, you know?
I mean, it's hard,
there's a lot of reading,
a lot of foreign
cars, not only that,
they're all in kilometers.
What are kilometers?
Hey, Fonz? Yeah.
Oh, sorry. Shh, shh, shh. Yeah.
Fonz? Yeah?
You know, uh, my father says
that if your eyes
hurt from reading,
it's a sign that you
might need glasses.
Hey, listen, your
father is an eye doctor.
He thinks people with
bunions need glasses.
(banging on door)
ARNOLD: Fonzie, you
open this door right now!
Maybe you should
let them in, Fonz.
Yeah, then maybe they'll
stop all that banging, huh?
Go open it for me, Ralph.
(clamoring)
(hammering)
MARION: Oh, Howard.
Howard, stop pounding.
I've stuck myself three
times with this needle.
Yeah, and I can't study.
Can I help it if this
stupid window is stuck?
I still say you should
call Ed Bender.
He takes down our
storm windows every year,
and he does such a quiet job.
I am not going to pay Ed
Bender an arm and a leg
for a job I'm perfectly
capable of doing myself.
If I say anything now,
I'll get sent upstairs.
(hammering)
(hammering continues)
What are you doing?
I can't get... Shh!
I can't get this
stupid window closed.
MARION: That's amazing, Arthur.
Oh, yeah, Mrs. C.
It's all in the ankle, you know?
Hey, Mr. C., there is such a
thing as common courtesy.
One does not pound
on one's window
when someone is trying to sleep.
What are you talking about?
It's only 7:00.
And you're still up?
Yes, Fonzie, we're still up.
We lead a wild life around here.
We have lots of fun.
As a matter of fact, I'm
going out to the garage now
and get an oil can
for that window.
Whoopee!
(door closes)
Arthur, you've got another
headache, haven't you?
Yes, I do, Mrs. C.
Well, I'll get you an
aspirin right away.
Hey, I think I'll be all right
now that, uh, John Henry
put down his hammer.
I'll catch you folks later.
Hey, Fonzie, would you help me
with my homework before you go?
You want me to help
you with your homework?
Well, sure.
Richie usually does,
but he's in Chicago.
Oh, yeah?
What subject we got here?
Geometry. Hey,
that should be good.
I'm very good with shapes.
(laughs)
All right, down here?
"To get to the store,
"you must drive
five miles due east,
"then you turn due north
"and drive for ten miles.
"However, you could
ride your bicycle on a path
leading from your house
straight to the store."
Shortcake, this is
a dumb problem.
I ain't going to the store,
and why should I go ten miles
if Lumpy's Stop 'n
Shop is on the corner?
Oh, look, I'm going
to finish this upstairs.
This is pathetic.
FONZIE: Yeah.
Now I'm starting to
send myself upstairs.
Here you are, Arthur.
Now, Arthur... Oh, thanks.
Does reading give
you a headache?
Mm.
It certainly does.
I'll tell you something.
Those driving manuals give
me a headache, that's for sure.
Well, could be your eyes.
You know, maybe you
should see an optometrist.
Hey, that's what Ralph said.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Now I'm beginning
to think like Ralph.
I'm going to make an appointment
for you with Ralph's father.
Oh, yeah, as long as he
doesn't stick a stick in my mouth
and make me go, "Aah!" Huh?
No, I don't think
he's going to do that.
He'll probably just put
some drops in your eyes.
Hey, that's all? Yeah.
Hey, I'll see this
eyeball guy, it's all right.
Where's my dad, Betty?
Oh, he's on the phone.
He'll be right with you.
Uh, can I do anything
to help you, Mr. Fonzarelli?
Yeah, why don't you
just call me Fonz?
Fonz? Yeah.
Hey, there's something you
can do for me, honey lips.
You can pick me up at
7:30 tonight... don't be late.
(snaps fingers)
I won't, I won't.
7:30... Fonz.
You got it.
I can't.
I forgot.
I'm married.
Why can't I do that?
Come on, Fonz,
tell me how you do it.
Yeah, right, let a child
play with matches, huh?
No way.
So this is it, huh?
This is where your father
does all his work, huh?
That's right, Fonz.
Earns a living here.
Pretty sharp, huh?
Yeah. Just answer
me one question.
Anything, Fonz.
When does he take off?
(laughs): Right.
You know, I'm really
proud of my dad.
He's a great optometrist. Yeah?
He even made the cover
of a trade journal once.
Peepers Magazine.
I'm telling you, Fonz,
you're really going
to like my dad.
And you know why? No.
'Cause he's just like me.
That's a recommendation?
Hiya, Ralph.
Hiya, Pop.
Sorry to keep you
fellows waiting.
I accidentally fell
into my lens grinder
and made a spectacle of myself.
(laughing)
Yeah, yeah, I want
to tell you something.
I'm fighting back the laughs.
So, you're Fonzie, huh?
Yeah.
How are ya? How
are ya? How are ya?
(laughs)
That's your favorite,
Fonz... Arthur Godfrey.
Oh, yeah, I almost forgot.
I taught him that one.
Ralph's told me a
lot about you, Fonz.
Yeah?
Yeah, I understand Ralph
gets your girls for you.
Huh?
I was kidding, Fonz, kidding.
All right, I'll just get
my glasses here,
and we will begin, huh?
(laughs)
(Ralph laughing)
RALPH: Look at those glasses!
Isn't that great?
Oh, yeah, clever
stuff, very clever.
I love to laugh.
It keeps my eyes young.
I'm getting out of here.
No, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
I have my serious
side, too, you know.
This side here.
(laughs)
Hey, uh, can we stop
coming out with the jokes?
I mean, I can't
listen to this all day.
The boy's right... it's time
to get down to business.
Let's get serious.
Whoa.
Now, I understand you've
been getting headaches
when you read, is that right?
That's right.
All right, we'll fix
you up in no time.
Now, I want you to
read the middle line
on that chart, please.
Okay.
"F-P-C-A-L-T-R."
That's incredible.
What?
You got every letter wrong.
Hey, I took a shot.
MALPH: Here.
Try it again.
All right.
"Universal Paper Company."
What?
No, not the card, the chart!
FONZIE: Uh, all right.
"R-L-M P-Q... P-T."
Perfect.
All right, now the other eye
and the next line, please.
Go ahead.
I can't.
What are you, blind? Read it.
I can't.
Mr. Fonzarelli,
have you ever done
an injury to that eye?
Hey, how do I know?
I mean, oil flies in the garage.
It's an occupational
hazard, you know.
Oil, oil... that explains a lot.
Now, look, I want you to look
through this machine here.
Oh, yeah? What am I going
to do, see a girlie show?
(laughs) That's funny.
All right, now, is that clear?
Yeah.
Clearer? Yeah.
All right, read it now.
All right.
"R-L-M-Z-M-P-T."
Perfect, perfect.
All right, you want to get
this off before we crash?
You know, this boy really
has a sense of humor, Ralph.
Hey, hey, hey, don't
play with the glasses.
I think I know what's wrong.
Your problem is really minor.
You see, your right eye
is weaker than your left,
and the imbalance is
causing your headaches.
Here you are.
What's this?
Well, that's a
prescription for eyedrops.
That's all I need? Eyedrops?
That's all.
All right, eyedrops, all right!
For the time being, until
your glasses are ready.
Glasses?
Oh, you'll just have to
wear them for a few months.
I think your eyes should
be back to normal by then.
I ain't going to wear glasses.
Glasses ain't cool.
RALPH: Fonz, you
can get used to 'em.
Yeah, and get used to
looking like Clark Kent?
No way!
See here, young man.
I may kid around a lot,
but I take my
profession very seriously.
Now, if you don't wear glasses,
your eyes are going
to get steadily worse.
Whether you like it or not,
I'm going to make
you a pair of glasses.
Now, I can't make you wear 'em,
but if you don't wear them,
it could lead to a tragedy.
And believe me, I
have seen tragedy.
I have seen pinkeye.
(laughing)
Oh, no, no, no.
I shouldn't kid around.
It's the pixie in me.
I couldn't resist it.
Fonzie, this is
serious business,
and I mean what I say.
I'll see you later, Ralph.
All right, Pop.
Good-bye ya, good-bye
ya, good-bye ya.
(laughs)
Good one, Pop, good one!
(laughs)
Stop laughing.
This ain't funny.
I mean, the thing is,
how can you put glasses
on a perfect face like this?
You know what that's like?
You know what that's like?
That's like putting a
moustache on the Mona Lisa.
That's like putting
Bermuda shorts
on Whistler's Mother.
It just ain't done!
I'm sorry, Fonz. Don't touch me.
I mean, you know
what's going to happen?
They're going to
line up pretty soon,
'cause news travels very fast.
They're going to start
laughing at the Fonz.
I mean, as a matter
of fact, no one, no one
is going to call me
Four-Eyes Fonzarelli.
Whoa!
Hey, Pop? Pop? I'm leaving.
(screams)
(screams)
(laughing)
You did it again, Ralph!
I still got it, Pop.
(laughs)
Hey, hey, let's go home
and scare your mother.
All right.
HOWARD (over phone): You're
not too busy, are you, Rich?
Oh, no... no, Dad,
no, I'm... I'm not busy.
I-I can talk. Go ahead.
Good, good, good.
Tell me, how do
you like Chicago?
Are you studying hard?
Oh, studying... boy.
(laughs)
Dad, you wouldn't believe it.
I've met all sorts of,
uh, interesting people
from all over the country.
(door opening) Ah, that's good.
Oh, wait a minute, Rich.
Your mother just walked in.
Sweetheart, come
on, it's Richie.
Huh? Here. Hello, Richard.
Are you keeping warm, dear?
HOWARD: He's
keeping himself warm.
He already told me.
Did you hear that,
uh... that Fonzie went
to see the eye doctor,
and he needs glasses?
I told him that, Marion.
Oh. Well, did you hear
that he just absolutely
refuses to wear them?
Yeah, I told him
that, too, Marion.
Well, what did you
leave me to tell him?
Hey, you could ask him
when he's coming home.
Oh, good.
Richard, when are you
coming home, dear?
Oh, uh, right, yeah.
Uh, Saturday.
I'm going to be home Saturday
uh, for the April
Fool's Day dance.
Oh, well, good.
Maybe you can talk
some sense into Fonzie.
Well, we love you, dear.
Dress warm. Bye.
Bye, Rich.
Bye.
She wants me to keep warm.
He sounded cold.
Quick!
Get bandages, boil water!
Joanie, what happened?
Fonzie, he's been in an
accident... his motorcycle.
I knew it.
He drives like a maniac.
What did he run into?
RALPH: Lake Michigan.
Leave your hands
off me, all right?
What a lousy
place to put a lake.
Joanie, get a blanket.
Arthur, I'll make you
some hot soup right away.
Yeah, all right.
Would you like to tell
me what happened?
No. Fonzie.
Hey, you heard.
I drove into Lake Michigan.
What's the big deal?
What did you do a
silly thing like that for?
I'm sure there's a perfectly
logical explanation, Howard.
Yeah, there is.
Well, what is it?
Somebody moved the road!
Yeah, that's logical.
Well, Fonz, I thought you said
it was because
everything got blurry, right?
Everything got blurry?
Well, you know, out of focus.
I mean, one minute,
I'm driving, happy.
The next minute, I'm pulling
seaweed out of my carburetor.
See, Fonz, my father was right.
Your eyes are getting worse.
All right, I know
what I got to do now.
Wear your glasses.
Yeah, that's right,
wear my glasses, except I
ain't going to leave my apartment
till my eyes get better.
Oh, Arthur, you
can't live like a hermit.
Oh, yes, I can.
These guys'll bring me my meals
and they'll bring over the
cars I'm supposed to fix.
I'll fix 'em at night.
It won't be that
much trouble, right?
Well, Fonz... Aaayyh!
I'd like to do it, Fonz,
it'd be great, yeah.
But Fonz, you
know, if you do that,
you're going to miss the
April Fool's Day dance.
Yeah, you can't miss that.
Potsie's been
nominated for King Fool.
Yeah.
And you're supposed to
announce the winner, Fonz.
Hey, it'd be a hollow victory
if you didn't announce my name.
Well, what are you
going to do, Fonzie?
I don't know yet.
Couldn't you wear those glasses
for just a few months?
I don't know.
Listen, you guys, help
me drive my bike, will you?
You can't drive your
bike without your glasses.
Hey, God, how could
you do something like this?
Didn't you always
say I was your favorite?
Whoa.
("Bye Bye Love" playing)
♪ I'm through with love ♪
♪ I'm through with countin' ♪
♪ The stars above ♪
♪ And here's the reason ♪
♪ That I'm so free ♪
♪ My lovin' baby... ♪
RALPH: Hey, Fonz,
you finally made it.
GIRLS: Oh!
All right, look,
uh, girls, I know,
don't knock
yourselves out, all right?
Not now, okay? Thanks a lot.
Hey, Fonz, you made it.
Hey, of course I made it.
Yeah, but you're
not wearing the...
Hey, look.
I wore them; I drove
backstreets all the way over here.
Oh, but Fonz,
you can't do that...
I don't want to talk about
it anymore, okay? Huh?
♪ Bye, bye, sweet caress... ♪
He needs us.
Yeah, but the Fool's
Contest is starting any minute.
Come on, Pots, come on.
Hey, Fonz.
What is the matter
with me, men, huh?
Why can't I put these
glasses on my face?
Is there anything we
can do to help, Fonz?
Are you kidding?
You guys are useless.
Sorry, Fonz.
Hey, it's not your fault,
it's an accident of birth.
You know what I need
here? You know what I need?
I need Cunningham.
Richie? Why? FONZ: Yeah.
Because he's got that way
of talking me into things.
You know that?
I mean, he talked me into
wearing a cop's uniform,
he talked me into singing,
he talked me into talking you
out of going into the Marines.
How's he do it, Fonz? Well,
how does he do it? I
mean, he embarrasses me.
He makes... he makes
these speeches, you know.
He just, uh, he shakes his head,
he goes, "Huh, huh, huh, huh."
That's how he does it, you know,
with his "Huh, huh, huh, huh."
Huh, huh, huh, huh.
Back off, Potsie.
All right, come on, you guys.
They're lining up for
the Parade of Fools.
Hey, look, I got to march
with the other nominees.
I got to go.
Yeah, I got to go, too, Fonz.
I'm his campaign manager.
Hey, listen.
You do what you want,
but they're expecting
you out there, okay?
Yeah.
Hey, Fonz.
I just got back.
The guys told me
you were here. Whoa!
Hey. Hey.
You're just the man
that I need to see, huh?
Hey, I got to tell
you about Chicago.
I don't want to
hear about Chicago.
I need a favor.
You need it right
now? Sooner than that.
Will you plant
yourself right there?
Sure. All right, now, look.
If I don't put these glasses on
in the next minute and a half,
I will never put them on, okay?
You just sit there,
listen to me, all right,
and whatever you do,
just answer me
with "Huh, huh, huh."
Is this an April Fool's joke?
This is not a joke. Just say it.
Huh, huh, huh. No, n-no, no,
that's not right,
no, you got to say it
like you're trying to
convince me of something.
Oh, oh, I know, I know.
Uh, you mean,
uh, "Huh, huh, huh."
Oh, that's it, that's
right, all right.
Okay, here we go, you ready?
Yeah. All right, look.
The Fonz don't
want to wear glasses,
I don't have to wear glasses.
Listen, Fonz, I...
No, no, no, no words, no
words, just "Huh, huh, huh."
Oh, huh, huh, huh.
Right, okay, okay, that's good.
Look, no one is going
to laugh at the Fonz.
I am not to be
made sport of, huh?
Huh, huh, huh.
Excellent, excellent, okay.
Hey, this is ridiculous, I
want to tell you something.
Huh, huh, huh. Not yet.
All right?
Wearing glasses just ain't cool.
Huh, huh, huh, huh, oh...
I want to tell you something.
Those last two at the
end... an excellent touch.
Cunningham, I don't
know what you put
into those "Huh, huh, huh's,"
but they sure do the trick.
Listen, Fonz, all "Huh,
huh, huh" s aside...
Yeah.
Yeah, I think if you
got to wear glasses,
that you should put
'em on, go out there,
and show everybody that
with glasses or without glasses,
you're still the Fonz.
ARNOLD: And here
are the Fool finalists.
Hey, Fonz, listen, I'm sorry.
I took an early train
back so I could see this.
I got to go. Yeah, yeah.
(people applauding,
"Bird Dog" playing)
You know, he's right.
No matter what, you're cool.
Whoa, are you cool.
♪ Johnny is a joker ♪
♪ He's a bird... ♪
Come on, the
three Fool finalists,
you park your bikes right here.
Three Fool finalists,
right here, park your bikes.
♪ What a dog ♪
♪ Johnny is a joker that's
a-tryin' to steal my baby ♪
♪ He's a bird dog... ♪
Potsie,
I told you to ring
your little bell.
I forgot.
Oh, you're such a potsie.
Okay, everybody settle
down, settle down, knock it off.
Now's the time to find out
who gonna be King
Fool for another year.
And here to announce the
winner is nobody's fool, Fonzie.
All right, all right, listen,
the judges said they had a
very hard decision to make,
'cause there's so many
fools to choose from.
All right, can I have
the envelope, please.
Now... I could read
this card real easily,
but it would be a little
blurry, you know what I mean?
And why read something
blurry when it's unnecessary.
(crowd gasping)
(cheering and applause)
All right, now, let me
ask you a question.
What are you "oohing"
and "ahing" about?
The Fonz wearing glasses?
Let me tell you something, Jack.
Wearing glasses is cool.
That's right.
There are a lot of
chicks out there,
you don't put your glasses
on until the lights go off
in the movies, right?
Dumb, very dumb.
A lot of guys out there, right?
You know, you
take your glasses off
every time a chick
walks by, right? Huh?
Dumb... very dumb.
All right, Arnold!
Look at that.
Yeah, that's right, and
let me tell you something.
Wearing glasses
is C-O-O-L, dig it?
That's right.
It's a lot cooler than driving
into a lake... let me tell you.
All right, and now I would
like to clearly read the winner
of a $25 savings
bond, a tricycle,
and a date with the... with
the queen of his choice.
All right?
Ladies and gentlemen,
last year's Fool is this
year's Fool... Potsie Weber!
(cheering and applause)
I won again! Four
years in a row.
You can have the tricycle,
Ralph. RALPH: All right.
(tricycle bell rings)
Okay, now, this is the King's
Dance, so everybody join in.
Uh, I pick as Queen
Fool... Debbie Pederson.
("You Send Me" playing)
Cunningham, how
do I really look?
Fonz, you look fine.
Don't ever lose your
"Huh, huh, huh's."
RICHIE: Hey, Fonz,
where's your glasses?
FONZIE: Hey, I got them, I
got them! I had to take them off.
The chicks won't
leave me alone... whoa!
Listen, uh, I got
to ask your advice.
Of course.
When I was in Chicago I
met this girl from Texas...
Lulubelle... and we
had a pretty good time.
Hey, I'm proud of
you. Uh, thanks.
Well, anyway, we said
that uh, that from now on
we were going to spend
all of our vacations together.
Well, now I'm back home,
and I'm thinking about it,
I'm not sure it's
such a good idea.
What do you say about that?
All right, listen, let me explain
something to you, okay?
A normal guy goes to
Chicago and meets Clarabelle.
Uh, Lulubelle.
Whatever.
A normal guy, see,
he says all right, listen,
I'm going to spend all my
vacations with you and they do, right?
Turns out to be a disaster.
All right? You can never
recapture magic moments.
You had magic moments, huh?
Yeah. You could say magic.
Right. All right, now.
A cool guy, on the other hand,
puts the score out right away.
Says, "Look, what we
had in Chicago is over.
Now you go your
way, I'll go mine..."
(phone ringing)
In that way you can
preserve a memory, huh? Dig?
Hey, Rich, you got a
call... long-distance.
A chick from Texas.
Here? Whoa.
Thanks.
Hello.
Yeah, hi, Clara... Lulubelle.
Yeah, yeah right.
I told my folks
I'd be down here.
Uh... Easter vacation?
Yeah, sure, I'll meet
you in Fort Worth.
Right.
Okay, bye... sweetie-pie.
(laughing)
Well, look, it's boring
around here at Easter.
You know that cool
is a dying art? Whoa!
♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪
♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪
♪ Good-bye gray
sky, hello, blue ♪
♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪
♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪
♪ Rockin' and
rollin' all week long ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪
♪ These days are ours ♪
♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪
♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪