Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 2, Episode 6 - Haunted - full transcript

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪



♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪

Another one, look out.



Boo! Boo!

So Arnold's getting away

with this con for another year.

Getting away with what?

This corny decorating scheme.

Everybody knows it's
just a cheap scheme

for old man Arnold

to get his Halloween
decorations done for free.

You know what I
like about you, Bag?

What?

Nothing.

Let's see how you laugh

when we finish our
Halloween decorations.

Show 'em your chalk, men.

And that's not just
for Arnold's windows.

When Halloween is over,

this whole town will be
one big four-letter word.

Really?

Do me a favor, Bag.

What?

This year spell it right.

I'm telling you,

this is gonna be the
best Halloween party

I've ever thrown.

Oh, you always throw
a good party, Ralph.

And then the demons crash it.

Not this time.

That's why it's
gonna be the best.

Bag and the other
demons will never figure out

where the party is.

It's not hard to find
your house, Ralph.

Who said anything
about my house?

Where is the least likely
place for me to have my party?

At Bag's house.

Read the book, Potsie.

Where, Ralph?

At the old Simpson house.

Are you crazy? That
place is haunted.

Your brain is haunted.

That's just a story.

Yeah, but everybody
thinks that it's haunted.

Yeah.

Especially chicks.

And when chicks get scared...

they need comforting.

I love comforting.

Comforting.

Yeah, well, maybe
it's a good idea.

The best.

But you can't tell anyone.

Not even your dates, okay?

That goes double
for you, Potsie.

You have a mouth
like the Grand Canyon.

Richie, on your way home,

you gotta check out the
Simpson place for Saturday night.

Make sure it's dusty,
cobwebby and really scary.

Oh, I, I don't
think I'll have time.

Chicken?

No.

No, I'll do it. I, I just have to
make sure that I get Joanie

to her Chipmunk
meeting on time, that's all.

Go on. All right.

I need apples for bobbing,

fangs for biting and
chains for scaring.

Hey, guys.

Oh, hey, Joanie. Hi,
little one. Hey, squirt.

Okay, I'll see you
fellas later. Later, Rich.

Hey, Rich, is this a dirty word

that Bag wrote on my pumpkin?

No, but, uh... never
say it around Mom.

I thought it was.

But what does it mean?

Well, uh...

Why are we here?

I told Ralph I'd
check this place out

for a Halloween party.

Come on.

Are you crazy?

I'm not going in there.

This is the Simpson house.

Oh, what are you scared of?

Listen... you're a
Chipmunk, right?

And Chipmunks are
never scared, right?

Wrong.

Then you'll be the
only brave Chipmunk.

Come on. I'm not going in there.

Everyone knows about
old Magnolia Simpson.

Ever since she lost her head,

anyone who goes in there
gets theirs chopped off, too.

Now, where'd you hear that?

Phyllis Boyer.

She told me about
the four people

who went in there
last Halloween.

And they never ever came out.

They just disappeared, right?

Just their heads.

Well, if something like
that would've happened,

it would have been
in all the newspapers.

Phyllis said that the
ghost warned reporters

not to write about it.

That's just a story.

Now, come on, I can't
leave you out here alone.

So come on in
with me, all right?

If I get my head chopped
off, Richie Cunningham,

I'm gonna tell Mom on you.

That's good.

Cover your head, you'll be safe.

See, it's just an old house

with some cobwebs.

Mrs. Simpson.

She has a head.

Joanie.

I'm not losing my head for
some Ralph Malph's party.

Anybody here?

Richie, what happened?

Oh, nothing, nothing, it's good.

It's a good place for a party.

You look like Bela Lugosi sucked

all the blood out of you.

Oh, I do not.

Come on, come on, let's go.

Am I gonna drive?

Will you quit fooling around?

We gotta get home, I'm hungry.

You're gonna have
a tough time eating

with your heart in your mouth.

Ha, ha, ha, Joanie.

Ha, ha, ha, very funny.

You know, you ought
to quit fooling around

with that Phyllis,
what's her name?

Boyer, Boyer. Yeah, right.

Reporters and haunted houses.

Will you cut that out?

Boy, is Richie chicken.

Oh, that's nice.

Oh, that's cute.

Looks just like Aunt Betsy.

Why don't you go on inside

and help your
mother with dinner.

And while you're
in there, lay an egg.

What's that all about?

Oh, nothing. On the way home,

we stopped off at the
old Simpson house.

The haunted house?

How'd you know about that place?

Oh, that story's
been going around

since I was a kid.

That long?

Yes, Richard, that long.

We had ghosts then, too.

They were just
younger, that's all.

What's bothering you?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

Well, actually there is
something bothering me.

I thought I saw something
very weird in that house.

Well, what?

Well, I-I don't even
want to tell you.

You'd never believe me.

What do you mean I
wouldn't believe you?

Don't I always believe you?

Of course I'd believe you.

I thought I saw a headless body.

You did not.

No? You were just in
strange surroundings.

Your mind must have
been playing tricks on you.

I don't know, it seemed so real.

Oh, Richard, you always
had a very vivid imagination.

But you're old enough to
look at these things logically.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

How come you went
to the Simpson house?

Well, we're gonna be
having a Halloween party

there this Saturday night.

Oh, that's nice.

Yeah.

I wouldn't be caught dead there.

Look out for the window.

Boo! Boo!

Look out, look out.

Look out for the water balloon.

Why me?

Another one. Look out!

Don't tell me that, uh,

freckle face, Richie
the C, is afraid of ghosts.

Me?

No.

I could tell you're lying.

How'd you know that?

You can't lie to the Fonz.

Not even my mother.

She told me when I
was having my tonsils out

that I was going to a parade.

But I broke her down.

She confessed on
the way to the hospital.

I-I didn't know that, Fonz.

Yeah, sure.

Listen, the only way
you're gonna get rid

of all your fears
is to face them.

You got that?

Yeah.

All right.

My pleasure.

Hey, he-y-y-y.

Water balloons all over
the place like children, huh.

So, uh, where's Malph
having his party this year?

Oh, over at the
old Simpson house.

I can't go there.

Kidding, once again, Cunningham.

I wouldn't miss
all that spooky fun

for nothing in the world.

Yeah, I know the fun

with the boom-boom
heart and the bulging eyes

and dry throat, that's fun.

Yeah, that's fun.

Now, that's fun!

Hey!

You got me wet.

I feel so strange.

I need some air.

I'll just open the window.

There, that's better.

What was that?

It's just sound
effects, it's nothing.

Full moons always
make me feel so strange.

It worked, it worked.

You were really scared, Richie.

Joanie, what are
you doing down here?

I'm trying out my
werewolf costume.

What's going on down here?

Who yelled? Oh,
nothing. Richie yelled.

He is so scared.

You didn't scare me.

You yelled.

Joanie, what are you
doing up at this hour?

Now, take off those
arms and get to bed.

Well, I had to try on
my costume, didn't I?

Good night.

I was just on the
verge of falling asleep

and I heard this yell.

I'm sorry, Dad.

I was watching this old movie

and Joanie sneaked up behind me.

And that's what made you yell?

Yeah. I'm surprised at you.

Scared by a movie?

Well, it kind of gets you

when you're all alone
down here like that.

And this is a pretty
good one, too.

See, this count has
rented this big mansion.

And nobody knows
that he's a vampire.

Now, he's trying to
get the girl next door.

He's already bitten her once.

And now he's going
back for a second bite.

If this note is true,

it means that everyone

in this place is one of them.

We're going to
have to get back in...

They'd better not go in there.

They'd better not
open that door.

Why not?

Because all the count's
wives are in there.

And they're all vampires, too.

And they'll just
swarm all over those...

those guys and suck their blood.

Here's a door, Jerry,
let's see what's in here.

My flashlight went out.

It's so dark.

Let's get out of here.

Open the door, Jerry, quick.

Watch out for the bat.

Oh, my, was that a bat?

Well, they say you shouldn't
watch TV in the dark.

You could ruin your eyes.

Boo! Boo!

Keep practicing;
you're getting better.

Oh, I think you
all look very cute.

We'll get more
candy if we look scary.

Well, you look scary.

Go get your bags
and let's get started.

Mom, does this look silly? Oh.

No, it looks very scary.

I don't want to look
scary, I want to look cute.

Are you really going

to that party at the
Simpson house?

Yeah, sure, why not?

Boy, I wouldn't.

Can I kiss your head good-bye?

Mom, I'm gonna belt her.

Leave him alone,
Joanie, or he'll belt you.

Uh, Howard?

Coming, Marion, coming.

I'm all set.

Here's the candy and
the apples for the kids

and aspirin for myself.

Okay, now, you keep
that buttoned up, dear.

It'll cover my costume, Mom.

Well, I don't want
you to catch cold.

Well, I bet the creature
from the Black Lagoon

never had to wear a coat.

Now, don't worry, I
won't get in the way.

I'll just stay outside
on the sidewalk.

Boy, what a drag.

The werewolf being taken
on its rounds with its mother.

"It" will be back
in about an hour.

Gotcha.

Aren't you going to be late?

Yeah, yeah, I guess
I'd better get going, too.

Well, you don't
sound very enthused.

Well, you know, Dad,
I could hang around

and help you pass out the candy.

Oh, no, Richard,
you'd much rather go

to a Halloween party with
people and decorations.

Yeah, I know, and
all of the fun, yeah.

Oh, Richard, there's
nothing to be afraid of.

There's no such thing
as a haunted house.

Trick or treat.

Well... all right.

Here's a little treat
for the cowboy, huh?

Oh... here's a little treat
for the cowboy's horsie.

How about a little kiss?

You're going to have
a wonderful time.

There's nothing to be afraid of.

You're going to be
surrounded by all your friends.

Yeah.

I hope Old Lady
Simpson likes 'em.

I still think I saw
something in that closet.

Well... look at this.

Aren't you a pretty
little fairy princess?

You're a cutie.

I got something special for you.

There you are, sweetheart.

You broke my cookie, you big ox.

This is it, huh?

Yeah, this is the Simpson house.

Richie, I don't know.

It looks kind of scary.

It'll, it'll be fun.

I mean, uh, all you've
got here is an old house...

on a dark night...

in a lonely part of town.

I, I just don't want you to
let anything get you scared.

Everything's
going to be all right.

Really.

I-It's fake.

It's all right.

Boy, this is creepy.

It's, it's just an old house.

What... Richie!

It's, it's nothing, it...

Fake, it's nothing.

Oh.

Where is everybody?

I don't know.

Maybe we're just early,

but, but I saw
Ralph's car out front.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, what's that?

Oh, it's, it's just a
coffin-shaped nothing.

Good evening.

Glad you could come.

Hey, Rich, happy Halloween.

Richard, Gloria.

Hey, Ralph, couldn't
you get a costume?

I am in costume.

I'm Alfred Hitchcock.

Oh-ho-ho, yeah, pretty good.

Put your coats away.

We're gonna go bob for apples.

Okay.

Get in there, Pots, go.

Five seconds.

Eight seconds.

Ten seconds.

Come on, Potsie.

All right!

Potsie.

Weren't you the main course
at my last Hawaiian luau?

Funny, Malph.

Richie, go get some more apples.

Yeah, all right.

Hey, it's Fonz!

Hey, Fonz.

Now, how'd you know that?

I am wearing a mask.

Oh, it was just a lucky guess.

Yeah.

And Cloris here is my
faithful companion Tonto.

Hey, kimosabe.

Hey, you watch your
gutter mouth, huh, Ralph?

Hey, come on, we're,
we're bobbing for apples.

Yeah, I'm thrilled.

I didn't think you'd
come to the party, Fonz.

Yeah, well, I had to.

See, Cloris here is
a little social butterfly.

Hey, come on, Fonz,
bob for an apple.

Look, all you gotta
do is go underwater,

trap it on the
bottom, nudge it up,

take a bite. Yeah.

He didn't do it right.

I don't think that's the way

you're supposed to do it, Fonz.

Hey-y-y, I didn't want
to get my mask wet.

Then it's a good way.

Thank you.

Let's dance.

Will you get rid of this arrow?

Thank you.

Okay?

All right.

Hey, I'm leaving, all right?

Try to keep this party up
to a, uh, Fonzie level, huh?

Go get your bow.

Going to another party, Fonz?

No, I'm taking Tonto
up to Inspiration Point,

gonna make some smoke
signals if you get my drift, huh?

Catch you later. Okay.

Hey, Bones, come here.

You ought to put some
weight on, you know that?

Now listen, just relax
in this place, huh.

You got nothing to
fear but fear itself, huh?

Didn't somebody else say that?

Well, if they did, they
got it from the Fonz.

Oh, yeah.

Bring my mask.

What happened to the lights?

Maybe it's the headless ghost.

Oh. No, it's just Ralph.

Turn the lights back on, Ralph.

What's that?

I'm afraid.

Ralph, will you quit playing
around with the chains?

Come on out; we
know you're in there.

Hey, Rich, you're a
real drag, you know that?

You're ruining the party.

Well, I'd just rather
dance, that's all.

It's more fun than terror.

Want to dance with her, Ralph?

No, no. Come here, come here.

Get me a sandwich
from the coffin, okay?

Thanks.

He told them who I was.

I know. We had such
great things rigged up

and he's gonna ruin them.

Yeah, he's trying to be so cool.

I wish we had something

that'd scare the pants off him.

Pots... we do.

The bird?

No.

The closet.

It's all set. Oh, great.

Quit with this.

Rich... want to get
some more root beer?

Yeah, sure, where is it?

In the closet.

Oh, w-well, why
don't you guys do it?

I'm busy. Come on!

We put up all the
decorations and everything.

Yeah. Yeah, go on, Richie.

I'm kind of thirsty.

Yeah, but, but you see,
that's, that's the clos...

All right, right, sure.

Come on, come on, come on.

Hey, Rich...

All right,
Mr. I'm-Not-Scared-Of-Nothing,

I got you that time.

It's just an old dress
dummy I found in there.

Oh yeah, yeah,
Very funny, Ralph.

Uh... uh... What, what?

Where's my head?

I want my head.

Aw, come on, Ralph.

The curse of the Simpsons.

If you don't give me my
head, Magnolia Simpson.

I'll chop off yours.

Ralph, this is not a funny joke.

What joke? Are these
the bulging eyes of a joker?

A cross. Does
anyone have a cross?

You dummy. That
only works on vampires.

I've got to find my
head. It's phony,

it's not real,

it's phony. It's
phony. It's not real.

Hi, guys.

Aw.

Oh, it's only Bag
and the Demons.

Aw, it's only Bag
and the Demons.

You were shaking so much,
you looked like a bowl of Jell-O.

The only one who wasn't
chicken was Cunningham.

All right, Bag, you and the
Demons can join the party.

As usual.

Let's dance.

Sure, what's a Halloween
party without some demons?

Can I borrow this for a minute?

Thanks. Get her
another one, Gloria.

Yeah, it was funny the
way you scared everybody.

We were just trying
to get back at you

for not inviting
us to your party.

And... and you wrote
on my sister's pumpkin.

Oh, yeah. You like that?

And you threw
that water balloon.

Oh, that was the best.

Yeah, boy.

Happy Halloween.

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Wah, ooh, wah ♪

♪ Wah, wah, wah, wah. ♪

Uh-uh, dear.

But, Mom, the candy
corn is the good stuff.

I don't care.

You're not eating
anything that isn't wrapped.

Boy, if you can't trust your
neighbors, who can you trust?

Well, there's an awful lot of
crazy people around these days.

Your father said so.

What's this, the
end of the rainbow?

I really made a
haul, didn't I, Dad?

Yeah.

Hey, it looks great.

Don't eat that, Dad.

Why not?

It's not wrapped.

And there are a lot of crazy
people around these days.

You said so yourself, Howard.

Marion, the stuff we
gave out wasn't wrapped.

Well, we know we're not crazy.

I know I'm not.

Joanie, go to bed.

Oh, Mom.

Boo!

You're in a good mood.

Oh, yeah, it was a great party.

I had a terrific time and
I wasn't scared once.

What'd you do? Stay
outside in your car?

Joanie, go to bed.

Oh, all right.

I'm going to bed, but
I counted everything,

and if any of my red
licorice is missing,

there's gonna be trouble.

Listen, one of the kids
told a cute little joke tonight.

If you take the inside out of a
hot dog, what have you got left?

A hollow weenie.

I'll see you in
the morning, Dad.

Good night, dear.

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days. ♪

♪ Hello, sunshine,
good-bye, rain ♪

♪ She's wearing my
school ring on her chain ♪

♪ She's my steady, I'm her man ♪

♪ I'm gonna love her all I can ♪

♪ This day is ours ♪

♪ Won't you be mine? ♪

♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ This day is ours ♪

♪ Oh, please be mine ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪