Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 2, Episode 18 - Get a Job - full transcript

Ralph and Potsie let their imaginations run wild while they help Richie Cunningham fix a fence for a beautiful divorcée, especially after she asks Richie to have dinner with her when the job is done.

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪



♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪



♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪

What is this here...
"cheap labor"?

Well, that's us. Cheap labor.

We're trying to make some money.

Yeah. I'm sick of
watching drive-in movies

from the outside.

I'm telling you guys,

it's been so long since
I could afford a date

the girls are giving
me mercy hickeys.

Hey, I can understand that.

I was young once.

Why don't you put
your masterpiece

on the old bulletin board?

Well, we can't.
Look, it's all full.

Hey-y-y.

That's great, Fonz.

Thanks.

I gotta trip the
light fantastic.

Whoa.

Six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

It's ten feet, two inches.

Now my feet are
exactly 11 inches long.

That means it's
nine feet, two inches.

You're so good in math.

Well, we could use
a nine-foot couch.

That's right.

Now, are you sure
your feet are 11 inches?

I would just hate to
buy a nine-foot couch

and then find out
your feet were off.

Marion, my feet are
exactly 11 inches long.

If you don't believe me, get
a ruler and I'll prove it to you.

If I could find a ruler, we
wouldn't have to use your feet.

I'll get it.

No, I'll get it, Dad.

It's probably for me.

Hello.

Yeah, Pots.

It's for me.

Oh, we got a job?

Oh, well, I think we
should turn that one down.

Would you want to clean
cages at a turkey farm?

I wouldn't.

Yeah, all right, I'll see you.

Turkey farm.

Oh, never mind, Richard;
you'll get something.

I hope so.

What I don't understand

is why did you put
that sign up at Arnold's?

I mean nobody
goes in there but kids.

We put one in the market, too.

Howard, dear, measure
that again, will you?

Oh, Marion.

Excuse me.

Hey, I can't work
out this problem.

What are you doing, Dad?

Joanie, your
father is measuring.

What's the problem?

Well, this farmer's got a
plot a quarter of a mile long

by two rods wide and I don't
know how to get the area.

It's exactly nine
feet, two inches.

Thanks, Dad.

No, no, that's not it.

Hey, Rich, somebody
called for you before,

about fixing a
fence or something.

Well, why didn't
you write it down?

Oh, I got it! Where?

It's here somewhere.

Mom... Here it is.

I wrote it on a gum
paper. Oh, good.

Mrs. Kimber, 244
Elmridge Street.

You didn't write a
phone number down.

Oh, I ran out of gum wrapper.

I'll call Ralph and Potsie.

Oh, Dad, uh... supposing
she wants references?

Well, I... I'm not
gonna lie, Richard.

Oh, I don't want you to lie.

Just tell her something
good about me.

Well, I'll... I'll tell her that

after having cleaned
my garage that...

that I think that you could

uh, possibly... uh...

I'll make something up.

This is it.

We'll make us some
money. You bet.

Wow, look at this fence!

It's a mess.

Hey, this looks like a big job.

Maybe we ought to
think about this, huh?

It's really hot.

I thought you guys
said you wanted to work.

All I said was I wanted
to make some money.

Maybe Potsie's right.

Working all the time can
make Jack a very dull boy.

Also Ralph.

All the time?!

So far, I'd say we've
worked about ten minutes

in my father's garage.

It was a tough
ten minutes, Rich.

Well, we've got to at
least talk to the lady.

Okay.

But listen, I've
got a great idea.

Whatever price she says,

we just tell her
it's not enough.

And it won't be.

You couldn't pay me
enough to do this job.

Go on, Rich, ring the bell.

You guys really
fink out, don't you?

Don't take it.

Hello.

Uh, Mrs... Kimber?

Yeah.

Ah...

Well, we're "Cheap Labor."

I'm Cheap Cunning...
Richie Cunningham.

I'm Potsie. Ralph Malph.

Well, I'm glad you're here.

I... excuse me.

I didn't expect such cute labor.

Yeah, that's us, cute and cheap.

And we mean cheap.

We do anything cheap.

Well, as you can see,
my fence is falling down.

And, uh... I really
love my privacy.

Well, I, uh... I
guess your husband

isn't real handy with
a hammer and nails.

Oh, I don't have a
husband. I'm divorced.

Listen, I hope this isn't
too much work for you boys.

I'd hate to have you
wear yourselves out.

No, no, no, don't
worry about us.

We trained athletes
have great staying power.

Well, that's nice.

I'll pay you two
dollars an hour.

Well... I'm sorry,
but it isn't enough.

Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

We'll do it. That's
too much, maybe.

Sounds great. When do we start?

Well, why not right now.

I've got hammer and nails
in the can in the garage

and if you need
anything else, just whistle.

Oh, great... I'm
a good whistler.

I'm probably the best
whistler in Milwaukee.

Oh, don't you worry.

We will do a great job.

Good. I'll see you later.

You can bet on it.

Wow! A divorcée...
who needs privacy.

So?

So, if she needs privacy,

that means she
sunbathes in the nude.

Yeah.

I never knew work
could be so sexy.

Well, I hope she
has enough nails.

She said she
sunbathes in the nude?

Where was I when she said that?

Right here.

You heard her say
it, didn't you, Ralphie?

Sure. She said,
"I love my privacy."

You guys have gotta be kidding.

I suppose you didn't hear
her proposition us either.

No. No, I didn't.

Rich, you have to
read between the lines.

Can't you see how sexy she is?

Well, yeah, yeah,
she's good-looking.

Good-looking?!

Rich, are you telling me that
you didn't notice her body?

You probably read
Playboy for the articles.

Hey, I look at the pictures.

Yeah.

Come on!

She's just a nice lady.

A very good-looking, nice lady.

Rich, she's divorced.

You know what they
say about divorcées.

I know, I know.

Hot to trot.

That's what you guys
are always saying.

I never understand why.

Rich, are you just kidding
or you playing dumb, huh?

Divorcées are like
nurses and stewardesses.

But better.

What's the big
deal with divorcées?

Rich... uh, here.

I got it... You'll
do it, you'll do it.

Listen, this is more important.

Now, Rich, suppose
you started having

a chocolate soda every day,

and you got used to
having chocolate sodas.

And you love
chocolate sodas. Right.

Then, all of a sudden, your
chocolate sodas were cut off.

Wouldn't you be dying
for a chocolate soda?

Maybe we should
invite her to Arnold's

for a chocolate soda.

Will you do some work, Ralph?

There she goes by the window.

Where? Ow!

She just went by upstairs.

What was she wearing?

Nothing.

Nothing?

I mean, I don't know but
my imagination saw nothing.

I ruined my finger
for his imagination?

Boy, what a set-up.

She lives all alone.

No brothers, no sisters.

No parents or husbands.

Am I thirsty.

Where are you going?

To get a glass of water and
take her up on her proposition.

What proposition?

Look, Rich, why do you
think she didn't want us

to wear ourselves out?

You see, Rich, with a divorcée,

all you got to do is
establish a relationship.

With a glass of water?

It's a start,
Rich, it's a start.

It gets you inside the house.

Then you charm your way
into her private quarters.

From there, you're just one
subtle move away from paradise.

You go from a glass
of water to paradise?

Richard, it's a well-known
fact that divorcées are very...

Hot to trot... I know, I know.

What are you staring about?

Yeah, what was she wearing?

Are you gonna tell us, Potsie?

A skirt and a blouse.

What's so great about
a skirt and a blouse?

Well, it's the way
she was wearing it.

That's it.

I'm gonna get a drink of water.

What are you taking
your shirt off for?

Well, I'm gonna
give her a treat...

A free look at my
tanned, muscular bod.

Bill Holden, Picnic.

Yeah?

Hi.

I was wondering if I
could have a drink of water.

Sure, just a second.

Excuse me.

Here you are. Thanks.

Hey, you ought
to put your shirt on.

You're gonna get
an awful sunburn

with all that pink skin.

I had enough.

You really bowled her
over, didn't you, Mr. Atlas?

Well, I got the
water. It's a start.

You know... you
guys made me thirsty.

Aw, come on, Rich,
it didn't work for me.

Yeah, your body
is whiter than mine.

No, no, I'm not kidding.

I'm really thirsty.

Rich, don't ask her
for a glass of water.

It'll make us look
like a bunch of kids.

What am I supposed to do?

There's a hose right
over there... use that.

Why didn't you use the hose?

I wasn't thirsty.

How's it going, fellas?

Oh, just great.

Fine, fine.

Well, I made you
some sandwiches.

There's peanut butter
and jelly and bologna.

That should tide you
over till I get back.

Thanks.

Aren't you gonna
sunbathe or anything?

Uh, no.

No, I'm going to my ballet class
and then do some shopping.

Oh, I'll be back
later to pay you.

See you this afternoon.

Well, that's it for today.

What?

Sure is hot.

I'm bushed.

Come on guys,
we're not finished yet.

Look, Rich, we're
quitting. Are you with us?

Quitting?! We're not done.

We did our share.

That's right, Rich.

I'm being wasted here.

Not fulfilling my potential.

Listen, we promised her.

See you later, Rich.

Aw, come on, she made these
sandwiches and everything.

So long. Bye.

All right.

All right, that's it.

The partnership's dissolved.

From now on, it's
"Cunningham's Cheap Labor."

Left me the bologna.

♪ Sha, la-la, la... boop! ♪

♪ Wah, wah-wah-wah-wah. ♪

Hey, great job.

Where are your friends?

Oh, they...

They had to go on
home, uh, to eat dinner.

Don't you eat, too?

Sure, but I wanted
to finish up the job.

Finished.

You're pretty
responsible, aren't you?

Oh, well...

No, no, you seem much
more mature than your friends.

Well, thanks.

Well, I-I am the
president of the Glee Club.

You sorta have to be mature.

You know, I was
president of my Glee Club?

Of course, that
was ten years ago.

See? We've got a lot in common.

Yeah, yeah, that's
really something.

Well, I'll put this stuff
back in your garage.

I guess you have to go
home and have dinner, too.

Well, yeah.

It is my menu night at home.

Huh?

See, one night
every week, we get

to pick out our favorite.

Like, I picked meatloaf.

My kid sister
Joanie always picks

baked macaroni and applesauce.

Oh, but you don't want
to hear about that stuff.

That's silly.

Oh, no. It sounds fun.

I wish I had someone
to pick menus with.

It gets a little boring eating

in front of the TV,
watching Bert Parks.

Don't you go out much?

Well, I haven't
lived here that long.

I don't have many friends.

Oh.

Well, maybe you'll meet some.

Pretty hard.

When someone finds
out you're divorced,

you become a marked woman.

You don't look marked to me.

Think I better go.

Listen...

would you consider
having dinner with me?

I bought some steaks
to put on the barbecue.

Well, uh... well, I...
I really should go.

I mean, I picked the
meatloaf and everything.

Oh, sure.

I understand.

I could come back.

All I have to do is wash
and change my clothes.

How long will it take you?

About a half hour.

I'll put the steaks on.

Hey, maybe open up a
little bottle of wine, huh?

Yeah, great.

Good food, good wine.

I'll be counting the minutes.

She didn't see that.

♪ Ooh, ah, ooh-ah. ♪

Mom, you're not
still mad, are you?

I'm not still mad
because I never was mad.

You ordered this
meatloaf, Richard.

You're mad.

You always call me
"Richard" when you're mad.

Don't feel bad.

When she's mad at
me, she calls me "brat."

Don't eat raw potato, Joanie.

Mom... It'll give you worms.

Mom, look, it's a
business dinner.

Since when do you put on
Dad's aftershave for business?

Well, who said I'm
wearing Dad's aftershave?

Are you kidding?

I can smell it over here.

The curl's falling
out of my Toni.

Excuse me, dear.

Mom, look, I-I'm sorry.

I promise I'll have a
big slice of the meatloaf

before I go to sleep.

Hi, everybody.

Hello, dear. Hi, Dad.

Sweetheart.

You're wearing my aftershave.

You got a date
with a hot number?

Oh, no, it's just, it's
a business dinner

with a client that I did
some work for, that's all.

Who is he?

Well, it's a she.

I knew it.

Joanie, will you just go and
watch TV till dinner's ready?

Sure, sure.

Always just when it gets good.

Don't eat raw potato, Howard.

It'll give you worms.

Mom, this lady is very lonely.

She hasn't had any company
since she moved to Milwaukee.

Well, show a little
compassion, Marion.

It's meatloaf night.

She's probably just some
poor thing who's very lonely.

How old is she, Richard?

She's about 28.

You see, I told you.

She's just about 28.

Uh...

I think maybe your
mother and I would like

to know a little more about her.

Well, she's very nice.

Well, she's, she's,
uh... she's good-looking

for a woman of her age.

Uh, she's, she's
blonde... divorced.

Divorced?

You're having dinner
with a divorcée?

Mom, this poor lady is
alone every night... day.

Listen, I won't be out long.

Uh, save me some of that
meatloaf, all right, Mom?

I really want some.

You will save some?

He's having dinner
with a divorcée.

Oh, come on now, Marion,
they're just like anybody else.

I think.

Wow!

Richie's dating a
divorced woman?

They're hot to trot.

Joanie.

Howard!

Oh, look, Marion,

now, when I was a kid,
working for Mickey's Market,

I used to deliver groceries

to half the divorced
women in Milwaukee.

That was different.

What do you mean,
that was different?

Well, nothing happened to you.

Oh.

I don't think that'll stain.

I think I got it.

I don't know how I did that.

I guess that mushroom
must've been kinda slippery.

Don't worry about it.

Oh, you're gonna
think I'm a real clod.

Oh, no, I don't.

I think you're very nice.

Really? Oh!

So I'm a nice clod.

Forget it.

Look, I'm sorry.

No, no, no.

Listen, this is an old dress,

and I still think you're nice.

And I'm very glad
you're here tonight.

Thanks.

I am, too, Mrs. Kimber.

Dorothy.

You know, it's no
fun being lonely.

Is something wrong?

No, no, nothing.

You aren't nervous about being
alone here with me, are you?

No. No, no, not at all.

Why should I be nervous?

You know,

you are the first man
that I've had dinner with

since my divorce?

What's the matter?

Well, I must've swallowed
something wrong.

Uh...

Do you think I could
get a glass of water?

Oh, sure, sure.

You boys drink a lot of water.

What are you guys doing here?!

We called your house.

They said you came
over here for dinner.

You, dog, you.

Get out of here right now...

I mean it... or
I'll clobber you.

Aw, Rich, can't we watch?

Yeah, you won't
even know we're here.

Ralph, if you don't scram,

I'm gonna tell Denise you
broke your date with her

so you could go out
with Joyce Saturday night.

You wouldn't.

And Potsie, I covered
for you that night

you were supposed to be
studying for that math test.

Okay, okay, we're going.

Come on.

Ow! Ow!

Sorry. Not sorry.

Come on, Ralph. All right.

But what a party pooper.

Oh, here you are.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, yeah, that's
much better; thank you.

Good.

Would you like to
sit on the swing?

Sure.

Well, this is nice.

Very nice.

Richie, have you
and your friends

been talking about divorcées?

Oh, no.

No, no.

Yes.

I know what people say:

divorced women are
looking for a good time,

on the make... Hot to trot.

Right.

They're not?

Richie, would you
forget I'm divorced?

I'm, I'm just a person,

like you're a person
and, and I... I need friends

like you need friends.

Can you understand that?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

I'm sorry I kissed you.

Oh, don't be sorry for that.

Should I go home?

Of course not.

I like talking to you.

They're not a lot of people

I can talk to this way.

It was something I could
never do with my husband.

Really?

Oh, you don't want to
hear about my marriage.

Bore you.

Oh, no, it wouldn't bore me.

I'd be very interested.

Really?

Yes.

Well, I guess there
are some people

that should be married,
and I was unlucky enough

to get someone who shouldn't.

You were?

Oh, he had it all figured out.

While he had fun,

I cleaned the house
and had his meals ready

when he came home.

Oh, if he decided to come home.

Boy.

It's not gonna be like
that when I get married.

I mean, I think that it
should be two people

who love each other, but
who want to do things together.

Like you've always got
this really good friend

that you can share things with.

Now, isn't that right?

You know something?

I wish we weren't
ten years apart.

Well, it's not that much.

I mean, if you were
five years younger

and I was five years older...

Come on, Rich,
don't be like that.

Tell us what happened, huh?

He doesn't want to
talk because he blew it.

Nothing happened, Potsie.

Right.

You guys can think
anything you want.

I just don't want
to talk about it.

See, he didn't blow it.

He's covering up.

He's too willing
to accept the guilt.

Right. You guys are so immature.

Why, why don't you grow up?

See? He made out.

He's talking like a
guy who made out.

Right, Ralph.

Fellas, there are
just some things

that a guy doesn't
want to talk about.

Now, someday, you'll
understand, right?

Hey, Fonz.

Hey, what's shaking,
Fonz? Hi, Fonz.

How's it going?

Rich here went out with
a 28-year-old divorcée

and he won't tell
us what happened.

Hey, that's pretty
cool, Cunningham.

Don't say a word.

There's no reason these
nerds should know anything.

Well, thanks, Fonz.

Yeah. Hey, little boys,

why don't you go
take a walk, huh?

Go finger paint in your ice
cream or something, huh?

Well, okay, Fonz. Come on, Pots.

I already ate it.

Come on, Pots.

Come on, Pots.

Oh, no, no, Cunningham,
Wait a minute.

I want to tell you something.

Those guys, they
tick me off, you know?

I mean, they're not cool.

They got no class, you know?

They don't understand.

Now, I, on the other
hand, understand.

So I want you to
sit right down here

and I want you,
detail by detail,

to tell me everything
that happened last night.

Come on, give, give.

♪ This day is ours ♪

♪ These are such happy days! ♪

♪ Hello, sunshine,
good-bye, rain ♪

♪ She's wearing my
school ring on her chain ♪

♪ She's my steady, I'm her man ♪

♪ I'm gonna love her all I can ♪

♪ This day is ours ♪

♪ Won't you be mine? ♪

♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ This day is ours ♪

♪ Oh, please be mine ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪