Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 2, Episode 17 - The Howdy Doody Show - full transcript

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪



♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and
rollin' all week long ♪

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪



♪ Rockin' and
rollin' all week long ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪

What's wrong, Rich?

I don't want that Mark
Summers guy to see us.

Hey, Cunningham! Ever
since they named him

editor of the paper,
he's been on my back.

Me, too. Every
time I hand in a story

he says, "Do you call
yourself a newspaper man?"

Me, too.

Cunningham!

You call yourself
a newspaper man?

You're the worst
reporter on the Bugle staff.

I mean, I can forgive
Weber here because,

well, because he's Weber.

Thanks, Chief.

Cunningham... why?

Why, when that fire broke
out in the Home Ec class,

were you on the
other side of the school

interviewing the librarian?

I mean, let's
face it, let's face it,

you just don't have
a nose for news.

Or for smoke.

I'm gonna give you one
more shot at it, Cunningham.

If you blow it,
you're off the paper.

Boy, does he have
it in for you, Rich.

I know. He never forgave
me for depantsing him

in the sixth grade.

I'm gonna write the
best story he ever read.

What're you gonna write about?

Joanne Jaworsky splitting
the seam on her gym trunks?

No, better. When I
rush in with this story,

Mark Summers is gonna
yell, "Hold the mimeo."

What're you gonna write about?

The Howdy Doody Show is in town.

I know that.

I'm gonna interview Howdy Doody.

Well, how're you gonna do that?

I'm gonna pull a few strings.

Hey! Greetings!

Richard.

What're you so excited about?

He probably had a
date with Fast Alice.

All the guys look like that

when they have a
date with Fast Alice.

Oh? Richard, I don't think
you should date this Fast Alice.

Don't worry, Mom, I'm not.

I have to do an interview
for the school paper.

Oh, well, why don't you do
an interview of your old dad?

You could call it "Dialogue
with a Common Man."

Or you could call it
"Dialogue with a Chubby Man."

That's not funny, Marion.

I'll have you know, I lost
two pounds this week.

Richard, you know I'm
in the hardware business

and hardware is a vital
link in the chain of America.

Dad, I can't do a
story about you.

I'm gonna interview Bob
Smith and Howdy Doody.

You mean you'd rather
interview a dummy than me?

And don't you say what
you're thinking, Marion.

Joanie, tomorrow
you're gonna present

that Junior Chipmunk
of the Year award

to Howdy Doody, right?

Yeah. We present
it to every celebrity

that comes to Milwaukee.

This is the sixth one this year.

Last week we gave
it to Durward Kirby.

Right. Well, is it all right if
I come down to the station

and get some interviews?

Sure, but when
we get to the studio,

don't cramp my style.

Ow! Mom.

The hem, not me.

Ralph on the ten-yard
line. First down.

Come on, let's go, let's go.

50, down to the 30.

Second down. Poor shot.

Oh.

One more. Come on. Last down.

Oh! The 20-yard line.

Takes over on the 30. The 30.

Okay. I still can't
believe it, Rich,

an interview with
Buffalo Bob and Howdy.

What luck! I watch
'em every day.

Well, I just went
down to the station

and got it cleared.
I'm going over there

with my folks tomorrow.

Field goal. Field goal attempt.

Oh, good! Okay!

Right down the center.

You gotta get me an
autograph of Howdy.

After Red Buttons,
he's my favorite.

He's a puppet. He can't write.

Then get me a splinter.

Oh, no good, no
good. No... Too bad.

Okay, you recover.

Cunningham takes over on the 20.

20-yard line.

No... man.

I'm winning. I'm winning 20.

Hey, what you
guys talking about?

Howdy Doody.

Well, la-dee-da.

You're talking
about Howdy Doody.

Not me, Fonz. Hey, do
you think I'd waste my time

talking about a dumb puppet?

Let's go outside and
check out the chicks, Fonz.

No, no... later.

I'm fascinated about
what you little guys

are talking about
here about Howdy.

Oh, Rich was gonna interview

Howdy and Buffalo
Bob for the school paper.

Well, while you're down there,

why don't you
interview Clarabelle?

Oh, Clarabelle doesn't talk.

He just honks his horn.

You never know when
you're gonna score.

Clarabelle just might
give you an exclusive honk.

That's... Hey, that's
a good one, Fonz.

They say I got
the gift of mirth.

Hey, do you guys know

that nobody outside
the show has ever

seen Clarabelle without makeup?

Where did you
hear that, Malph...

From one of your comic books?

Oh, no.

It's just something the
kid sister mentioned.

Aw, Fonz, let's go outside
and check out some chicks.

Sure. And if you bomb out,

you can always tell 'em
how many strings Howdy has.

Another good one,
Fonz, another good one.

Get a grip, Malph.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

I'm gonna get the
biggest exclusive

that this paper has ever had.

Sure, Rich. What're
you gonna tell 'em?

Art Linkletter doesn't
interview kids?

It's really midgets that
say the darndest things?

No, Pots, this is
gonna be a biggie.

Rich, Milwaukee
doesn't have any biggies.

Yes, it does.

I'm gonna get an exclusive photo

of Clarabelle, the
Clown... What exclusive?

Rich, do you call yourself
a newspaper man?

Without makeup.

Rich, you're a newspaper man.

Yeah.

Say, kids, what time is it?

Howdy Doody Time!

Let's go!

Now, don't be nervous, dear.

Oh, I'm not.

Why should I be nervous?

Boy, do I envy you...

Being seen on
national television

by millions of people.

Millions? Of people?

Before we start, let
me remind all the kids

about tomorrow's big Howdy
Doody look-alike contest.

Do you think there's
somebody out there

who actually looks likes me?

Well, Howdy, we're
gonna find out tomorrow,

but you know today is
an extra-special day for us.

Well, why is that, Buffalo Bob?

Well, the Junior
Chipmunks have named you

the Chipmunk of the Year

and little Joanie Cunningham

is going to be here to
present to you this award.

Oh, that's terrific,
Buffalo Bob!

And say, kids, are you
ever gonna love this?

Yes, sir, Aunt Jennie's
peanut butter cakes.

It's a soft, velvety sponge cake

and it's wrapped around

a big filling of
creamy peanut butter.

Oh, boy, they sure
look good, Buffalo Bob.

Oh, it is good, Howdy,

and I'm gonna
have one right now.

Mm, is that ever great.

Mm. And now...

Now kids... here's
Joanie Cunningham...

of the Junior Chipmunks.

Come on out here, Joanie.

Joanie Cunningham. Hi, Joanie.

Say hi to Howdy, Joanie.

Honey, there's no
reason to be frightened.

We're all right here
with you, Joanie and...

Has the cat got your tongue?

Aw, come on, honey,
why don't you relax

and have a bite of Aunt
Jennie's peanut butter cakes.

No, thanks. My mom
says it'll give me cavities.

Oh, but you won't get cavities

if you brush your
teeth after every meal.

Right, Buffalo Bob?

Right, Howdy. Oh...

and you have an
award for us, don't you?

Oh, fine. Okay, would
you like to read it?

Or-or would you like
to have me read it?

Here, I'll, I'll, I'll read it.

Now, you hold the
cookie and I'll re...

Here. I... Thank you.

"We, the members of Den Seven

"of the Junior Chipmunks
present you, Howdy Doody,

"with the Chipmunk
of the Year award

for the good things
you do on television."

Oh, boy, this is just
about the best thing

that ever happened
to me, Buffalo Bob.

Uh, well, Joanie Cunningham

and all you wonderful
Junior Chipmunks out there,

Howdy's certainly proud
to be selected by you

as Chipmunk of the Year.

Okay, we'll see
you again real soon.

Thank you, Joanie.

You can go now, sweetie.

Thank you. All right.

Well, we're certainly
going to keep this and...

You know, you can leave
now, honey. Thank you.

And you come back
and see us real soon.

Maybe your mother
should come and take you.

Mrs. Cunningham,
thank you very much.

You have a darling,
darling daughter.

Thank you so much.

Okay. Well now...

Maybe Daddy... uh...

Father, would you come and
get your stage-struck family?

Hello. Hi, Mr. Cunningham.

H-How do you do?

Nice to see you, sir.

Joanie, Marion, come along.

Oh, maybe Clarabelle'll help.

Oh, Clarabelle!

Oh, here's Clarabelle.

Well, hi, Clarabelle.

Hey, kids...

♪ Oh, who's the funniest
clown you know? ♪

♪ Clarabelle! ♪

♪ Oh, who's the clown
on Howdy's show? ♪

♪ Clarabelle! ♪

I got that picture of
Clarabelle developed for you.

Pots, you're the greatest.

We're gonna make
Mark Summers eat crow.

Really. I'll tell
you it wasn't easy.

I had to sneak past the guard,

hide behind Phineas
T. Bluster's trunk

till the coast was clear.

I went up to Clarabelle's
dressing room,

threw open the door...

Presto, I got the picture.

You see, that?
He got the picture.

What did he do then?

He pulled on his pants.

I gotta look at this.

Look at that focus, huh?

Look at that.

We can't use this picture.

The man's naked.

Well, doesn't your school
paper have a centerfold?

Whoa.

What's wrong, Rich?

We can't even use his face.

He's still got his makeup on.

How could you make
a mistake like this?

How was I to know he was
gonna take his pants off first?

Besides, a naked Clarabelle's

a better scoop than
one with makeup.

We gotta get another picture.

I promised Mark
Summers a big story.

He's holding page one.

We just gotta get
another picture.

You're going to an
awful lot of trouble

just to show up Mark Summers.

I'm not trying to
show up anybody.

I want to go to college. I
want to study journalism.

I want to work on a newspaper.

I gotta prove to myself
that I can do a job.

Well, you better
wait till after college.

We don't have any
tickets and they won't

let us in the
studio without 'em.

Hey. Rich, Rich, I got it.

What if Joanie gives 'em

another Chipmunk
of the Year award?

Use your noggin.

Tell 'em it's for next year.

Cunningham!

Got that big page one scoop?

Cunningham, you're incompetent.

I'm telling you,
you got two days

to come up with that
big page one scoop

or you've seen your
last byline in the Bugle.

You... Weber.

"Weber."

Look, man, we
gotta get that picture.

Well, you better
think of another way

to get in the studio
or you're gonna have

to think of another scoop.

The Howdy Doody contest.

What'd you say, Fonz?

They're having a Howdy
Doody look-alike contest, right?

How'd you know about that?

I got my sources.

Anyway, you get some
sucker to enter that contest

and you're in
that studio, right?

Well, yeah, but who do we know
who looks like Howdy Doody?

Yeah.

No, no, no.

You see, I'm gonna be
taking the Clarabelle pictures.

I'm taking the picture.

Boy, do you hold a grudge.

Get Malph.

No. He, he, he never forgave us

for the time we
entered Ralphina Malph

in the "Why I'd Like to
Date Duane Eddy" Contest.

Yeah, but he won
honorable mention.

Fonz?

Maybe you could
get him to do it.

He looks up to you.

If you told him
to do it, he'd do it.

Yeah, he'll do anything you say.

You're terrific. You're cool.

You're the greatest.

Will you stop snowin' me, huh?

Can't I help you out 'cause
I'm a very close buddy?

Sure. Sure, Fonz.

Don't touch me, Weber.

We ain't that close.

Sure, Fonz.

Wait a minute, I got another
one, I got another one.

Listen to this one.

Mommy, Mommy, why
do I have such long teeth?

Shut up and drink your blood.

I got another one.

I got plenty, plenty.

Mommy, Mommy, what's a werewolf?

Shut up and comb your face.

Ralph, can I talk
to you for a minute?

Not now, Rich, I'm
hotter than Jerry Lester.

Daddy, Daddy,
what's a degenerate?

Fonzie wants to talk to you.

Why didn't you tell
me. Where is he?

He's in the bathroom.

You should have told me sooner.

I'll be right back, girls.
The Fonz needs me.

How do I look?
Do I look all right?

Oh, yeah. Good
enough for the bathroom.

Yeah, Fonz, it's
really a great shirt,

but why are you giving it to me?

It's your birthday present.

Yeah, Ralph.

Happy birthday.

A present? For me?

Oh, it's really nice.

I mean that's so nice.

Guys.

It's not my birthday.

I know that.

My birthday was last August.

Everybody punched me
in the arm seventeen times.

It was the day you
wore your big ring.

I remember.

Right, here's another
present, Ralph.

Oh, Rich, I can't
blow my nose in this.

It'll clash with my freckles.

No, no, no, this
is a neckerchief.

Hey, huh.

Hold it a minute.

I look like Howdy Doody.

I am Howdy Doody.

Oh, no, oh, no, not this turkey.

I'm not entering any
Howdy Doody contest.

Hey, what makes you think
that we're setting you up for that?

Because this outfit makes
me look just like Howdy Doody.

Well, he's got us there, huh?

No, no. Go on.

Ralph, listen, you want to
be in show business, right.

No. No, listen.

This could be
your launching pad.

It's national television and
you could tell your jokes.

Yeah? Yeah.

Snow job. Snow job.

No, wait a minute,
Ralph, listen.

Listen, be a buddy.

I need your help because...

I have to get a big scoop
for the school newspaper.

Here's your scoop.

"Malph turns down contest bid."

I'll see you later.

I was one joke away from
getting Jennie Lenbeck

and all the other girls
up to Inspiration Point.

Hah!

Where we gonna get

another redheaded kid
on such short notice?

Yeah.

♪ It's Howdy Doody time ♪

♪ It's Howdy Doody time... ♪

Howdy Doody.

I look like I ought
to be quarantined.

Oh, Richard, is
it really worth it

to go to all this trouble
just to get a picture?

Oh, Charles Bronson does it all
the time in "Man With A Camera."

You wouldn't have to go through
this if you'd interviewed me.

A picture of Clarabelle without
makeup is pretty hot stuff, Dad.

Yeah, well, there's
someone in this room

who happens to think
I'm pretty hot stuff.

Who is that, dear?

You guys are crazy.

Nobody has ever seen
Clarabelle without makeup.

Joyce Miller told me that
she read in a magazine

that he even sleeps
in his clown face.

Well, come on, Rich,
we gotta get goin', huh?

Yeah.

Well, how do I look?

Like a skinny Arthur Godfrey.

Boy, Buffalo Bob, am I excited.

Today we're doing the
Milwaukee Preliminaries

to the Howdy Doody
look-alike contest.

Yeah, me, too, Howdy.

Do you really think
there's another kid

who really looks like me?

Why, sure there is.

Like our first contestant,
Tommy Rhodes.

Hey, come on out, Tommy.

Hi, Tom.

Hey, you really look like Howdy.

Give Howdy a big hi.

Attaboy.

Okay, you can stand
over there for a minute.

How about him, Howdy?

Well, he's almost a dead ringer.

Is there anybody
else, Buffalo Bob?

Oh, sure there is, Howdy,

like our next
contestant Leigh James.

Hi, Leigh.

Nice to see you.

How about her, Howdy?

Whoa, another
closey, Buffalo Bob.

Boy, it's sure gonna be
tough to pick a winner.

It sure is.

Okay, Leigh, you stand
right next to Tommy.

And now here is our next Howdy
Doody look-alike, Danny Glass.

Come on in, Danny.

Okay, thank you, Danny.

Hey, Howdy, what
do you think of Danny?

Gee, it's almost like
looking into a mirror.

Yeah.

But now, hold on.

There's one more contestant.

Little Richie Cunningham.

Hi, Richie.

Uh, fine, Richie, you can go
over there with the other kids.

Gee, Howdy, how
about that Richie?

Gee, that's what I'll look
like when I'm grown up.

Yeah, you're right.

All right. Well now
let's pick a winner.

All right now, kids, I
want you to applaud

for the one that you think
looks most like Howdy Doody.

Now first it was Tommy Rhodes.

Or Leigh James.

Danny Glass.

Or little Richie Cunningham.

Hey, Rich, Rich. There he is.

Come on, get the picture.

A trip to Washington.

I don't know how
that kid beat me.

This'll be the best scoop
Jefferson High ever had.

Nobody ever said you
were allowed to go...

Why are you acting
nuts? Get the picture.

All right.

This time I'm gonna
get makeup off, pants on.

Cool it, cool it.

Oh, hi, Rich. Still here?

Yes, sir.

I've never been backstage
at a television studio before.

Well, enjoy yourself.

And I'm sorry you
didn't win, old bud.

If I'd a known that you were...

Oh, thanks anyway.

All right. Have fun.

Try it again next year.

Thanks, fellas.

Bye, Mr. Bob.

Come on, you can
see him in the mirror.

Get the picture.

Come on.

Come on, Rich,
come on, let's go.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Right, I have the
picture right here.

Right. All right.

Well, I'll let you
know tomorrow.

Okay, thank you.

Bye.

I got it made, I got it made.

Could you hold off
your "I got it made"

till a commercial comes on?

That was Life magazine.

They want to buy my picture
of Clarabelle without makeup.

Well, congratulations.

They said they been
trying to get Clarabelle

without makeup for years,

but the security at the New
York station was always too tough.

How did they know
that you had a picture?

I don't know.

I guess Life knows everything,
but they want to pay me $300.

You know, Rich, in my book

if Clarabelle doesn't have
makeup, he's not Clarabelle.

My first professional sale.

To Life magazine.

You know, this could help me
get into a good journalism school

or maybe even get a scholarship.

Oh, I'll get it.

Hi.

Buffalo Bob, Clarabelle.

Hey, Buffalo Bob and
Clarabelle... Hey, Rich.

Nice to see you.

Welcome.

Good to see you.

Come in. Sit down. Thank you.

Come in and sit down.

Oh, what a lovely place.

Well, thank you.

Wow! Buffalo Bob and
Clarabelle in my own house.

I'm gonna phone my
friends and get 'em over here.

Okay, Joanie.

Well, what brings you to
our humble house, huh?

Well... a clown's broken heart.

He does look sad.

I guess you heard
about my scoop.

You know Life magazine
wants to buy this picture.

Richie... there's a
reason why nobody

has ever seen Clarabelle
without makeup.

You see, behind that makeup
he's Clarabelle the Clown

and there's sort of a
mystique about him.

I don't get it.

Well, it's-it's like the Lone
Ranger without a mask.

He's a nobody.

I see.

It's like Tarzan
without his loin cloth.

No, that's a little
different, Marion.

You see, millions of
kids watch television

every day to see
their favorite clown.

And to them this is Clarabelle.

Now if they were to see him

as an ordinary man...

Clarabelle lives no more.

Yeah, but you see this
is very important for me.

I mean this is Life magazine.

This could get me into a
good journalism college.

Yeah.

And if it's printed it
could ruin his career.

Richie, I know you worked hard

to get that picture and I
guess you're entitled to sell it.

Rich, it's up to you.

Don't look at me, Richard.

Journalists have to make this
kind of a decision every day.

That's what I would have done.

What's that?

Those are tears of joy.

Oh, tears of joy... all
over my living room rug.

Richie, you did a nice thing.

Yes, sir.

He's saying "Thank you."

Your welcome.

You're welcome.

No, now he's saying
"good-bye." Oh, good-bye.

We've got to be on our way.

We gotta make a
personal appearance.

Thanks so much, Mrs.
Cunningham, you're great.

Mr. Cunningham, hope
to see you real soon. Sure.

Richie, you are a great guy.

See you next time
in Doodyville, okay?

Yeah, you can drive.

See you later.

Well... Well, I better
get the vacuum

and clean up these tears of joy.

Well, there goes my scoop.

Where's Clarabelle
and Buffalo Bob?

They had to go.

They've gone?

I have 14 Chipmunks
coming over to see them.

Hide the nuts, Marion.

What about my scoop?

Well, I guess your old man
looks pretty good after all, huh?

Sit down.

I was born at the Milwaukee
Columbia Hospital.

And everyone said I
was a very cute baby.

No, wait a minute. Hold it.

Let's start before that.

My grandmother and grandfather,

they came to this
country in about 1880.

Am I going too fast?

♪ This day is ours ♪

♪ Won't you be mine? ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ This day is ours ♪

♪ Oh, please be mine ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ This day is ours Happy Days! ♪

♪ Hello, sunshine,
good-bye, rain ♪

♪ She's wearing my
school ring on her chain ♪

♪ She's my steady, I'm her man ♪

♪ I'm gonna love her all I can ♪

♪ This day is ours ♪

♪ Won't you be mine? ♪

♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ This day is ours ♪

♪ Oh, please be mine ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪