Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 1, Episode 3 - Richie's Cup Runneth Over - full transcript

(Bill Haley and the Comets) ♪ One,
two, three o'clock, four o'clock rock

♪ Five, six, seven
o'clock, eight o'clock rock

♪ Nine, ten, eleven
o'clock, twelve o'clock rock

♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight

♪ Put your glad
rags on, join me, hon

♪ We'll have some fun
when the clock strikes one

♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight

♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight

♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight

♪ When the clock
strikes two, three, and four

♪ If the band slows
down, we'll yell for more



♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight

♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight

♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight

(guitar solo)

♪ When the chimes
ring five, six, and seven

♪ We'll be right
in seventh heaven

♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight

♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight

♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight

♪ When the clock strikes
twelve, we'll cool off then

♪ Start a-rockin'
'round the clock again

♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight

♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight

♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight



♪ Well, they said
you was high-class

♪ Well, that was just a lie

♪ You know, they
said you was high-class

♪ Well, that was just a lie ♪

Hey, I got a feeling
someone is touchin' my bike!

Fonz, Fonz, watch this! Wait till
you see this! This is gonna be great!

I got a girl mannequin
from my dad's store,

and we propped
it up in Bert's car.

Here she comes. Be cool.

OK, sweetie, what'll it be?

Come on, honey, I
don't have all day.

Watch this.

Miss.

Miss!

Miss! Aah!

(laughing)

Oh, I... Oh, I quit!

Fonz?

Ho-ho, yeah!

Hey, hey, Potsie!

Potsie, Potsie! Hey, Rich.

Oh, you missed it.

We pulled the greatest
mannequin joke.

What a fake-out.

Oh, but that's kid stuff. I
got somethin' better. What?

You ever been to a stag party?

Stag party? Sure, I guess so.

When have ya?

Well, one time, when I
was in the Boy Scouts...

Oh, man. Oh, no,
hey, wait a minute!

We had this party
with just all guys,

and we had the wildest
water-bomb fight.

You wouldn't even believe it.

Water-bomb fights?! Yeah.

Rich, I got us invited

to my Cousin
Arnold's bachelor party.

A bunch of his Marine
friends are throwin' him a stag.

That sounds like
that's gonna be nice.

It's not gonna be
nice. It's gonna be wild.

You think Marines are gonna
have water-bomb fights?

Well, I guess, uh... Unh-unh.

They're gonna have funny
wedding-night gag gifts,

lots of beer, cold
cuts and dirty pictures.

You wanna come with me or not?

Oh, sure, that
sounds pretty smooth.

Great! I'll pick you
up tonight at 8:00.

Oh, wait a minute. Tonight?

My Aunt Bessie's coming
over to the house tonight.

You can't bring her. It's stag.

My parents want me to
hang around the house.

Try and get out of it.

You want to sit
around with Aunt Bessie

or have some laughs with
combat-hardened Marines?

I'll figure a way
to get out. OK.

The manager yelled at me
for making his waitress quit.

She'll be back.
She's always quitting.

Hey, Ralph, can you
give me a ride home?

Yeah, sure.

Hey, Potsie, you
want to get a head?

Here. Oh, man!

How does that grab you?

Hurry up. Come on, Rich.

OK, I'll be right there.

Ohh. It's nothing compared
to a Marine stag party.

Hey, look, I'll see you tonight.

Make sure you can get out.

OK. I'll try. All right.

Ralph.

Aah! It's following me!

(sighs)

Chuck, I've told you not
to dribble in the house.

Oh, right, Dad.

(dribbling resumes)

Sure glad he's
not a shot-putter.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Uh... gee, can I talk
to you for a minute?

Can you wait just
a second, Richie?

I'm almost through
with the headline.

I'm just joking. What is it?

Do I have to hang around
tonight for Aunt Bessie?

I've got this really
great party to go to.

Richie, I have
already lost Joanie.

Now, if I lose you,

that means Chuck
is the only one left,

and you know what
your brother is like

without a basketball.

He can only hold a
conversation in a huddle.

Gee, Dad, this party
is really a big deal.

It's being held at
the Crystal Hotel.

What's the occasion?

Well, um...

P-Potsie's Cousin
Arnold is a Marine,

and he just got back from Korea.

Welcoming the returning Vets?

Oh, Richie, I'm proud of you!

They deserve it. We
can't do enough for them.

It's a bachelor party.

A bachelor party.

With Marines?

Real nice Marines. Arnold
was an honor student.

Nice Marines...

Well, I suppose it's all right.

I think I can trust you.

Oh, thanks, Dad!

Too bad you can't stay.

Aunt Bessie's
bringing the slides

from her trip to Yonkers.

Yeah, well, I'm gonna
be real sorry to miss that.

Richie?

Yeah, Dad?

Take it easy tonight, huh?

Oh, I will, Dad.

Yes, Chuck?

OK, Chuck.

I'll explain it to Aunt Bessie.

Thanks, Dad.

Come on, we got time
for one more order of milk.

Potsie, I feel like I'm going
to a benefit for Elsie the Cow.

Do you want to get
drunk? Of course not.

Then drink more milk.

It'll coat your stomach so
the booze can't get to you.

Are you sure about this?

Yeah, milk is the
best thing to use.

Olive oil.

Fonzie, why'd
you say, "olive oil"?

'Cause olive oil's
better than milk.

You sure?

I just said it, didn't i?

Olive oil's better than milk.

I'll go see if I can
get some from Arthur.

Hey, Fonzie.

Potsie and I are going to
a bachelor party tonight.

You got anything big lined up?

No, I'm going to take it easy.

Dance a little,

write a couple things on
the bathroom wall, go home.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, you know,
Fonzie, I think you write

some of the best
bathroom-wall stuff I ever read.

Yeah, they say I got a flair.

Arthur says if
we want olive oil,

we gotta buy two salads.

We can pick some
up at the market.

Now, you got
your gag gift, right?

Oh, yeah, sure. I got it.

OK. Hey, see you, Fonzie.

Yeah, so long, Fonzie.

♪ Well, this is
what I heard her say

♪ "See you later, alligator" ♪

Ha-ha-ha! Handle
it gently, fellas.

This is my date for the evening!

Wonder if marriage is
gonna be like boot camp?

I hope not!

Oh, Potsie, look
at all the beer.

Was it my fault the
market was closed?

Don't worry, I'll
get the olive oil.

Now remember - act old.

Hey, Potsie, I'm
glad you could come.

Aw, glad to be invited.

Hi. I'm Arnold Drysdale,
Potsie's cousin.

This is my friend
Richard Cunningham.

Listen, the party's
already started.

Come on in, enjoy. Have a cigar.

Oh, I don't know...

Oh, of course he wants
a cigar. He loves cigars.

His grandfather's from Georgia.

Well, now, I...

Here you go, kid. Now,
uh, don't burn your hands.

Oh, thanks a lot. Sure.

Gee, you want to play
some cards, Potsie?

We could play a little...

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow!

H-Here, let me have some!

Fellas, I gave
the kids the cards.

Watch them.

Ohh.

Oh, wow. Wow!

You're not kidding "wow."

Look at this girl on
the ten of diamonds!

Oh, yeah, she's hot stuff.

She looks really nice.

She's not exactly
the kind of girl

you'd take home
to meet your mother.

Shh.

(whistles)

Hey, looks like both of
you got a full house, huh?

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Duke, when we gonna get
down to some serious drinkin'?

Take it easy, pal.

I got some drinkin'
games planned

that'll blow these guys
right out of their socks.

Potsie, did you hear
that? Drinking games.

What did you
expect? Post office?

I don't... I don't
think I should play.

Rich, this is a bachelor party!

You want these guys to
think you're some flaky kid?

But you didn't
get the olive oil.

Don't worry.

Hey, if worse comes to worst,

I saw some hair
oil in the bathroom.

Hair oil?!

Whooooaaaa! Whooaaaa!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

All right, you guys,
back to the table.

We're gonna start playin'
a little drinkin' game!

Hey, it's snowin'!

Hee-hee-hee! Ha-ha!

We're ready for 'em.

Oh, not the hair oil!

Olive oil. You got it?

From the kitchen.

Genuine olive oil
imported from Spain.

Thought the good
stuff came from Italy.

When you're swiping something from
a roomful of men with meat cleavers,

you don't ask
about nationalities.

Here, take a swig.

Hurry up.

Come on!

Ugh, it tastes like castor oil!

Well, I didn't have
time for the vinegar.

Here.

(coughs) It's awful!

We're men now, Rich.

(man) Oh, yeah!

Ohhhh! Ohhh!

OK, all you guys,

the name of the game
is "Sloppy Sixties."

You all know the rules.
You guys know the rules.

You gotta down one shot
of brew every 60 seconds.

First one outta the
game is a draft dodger!

All right, get ready, get set...

Bottoms up!

Hey, this is gonna be a snap!

(shouting and cheering)

(slurring) Hey.
Hey, this is nothin'!

I don't feel a thing.

(slurring) Me, neither!

What's wrong?

I think my teeth are numb.

OK, get ready... Time!

60 seconds? You sure?

It only felt like 57.

I know! I know.

All right, Sloppy
Sixties is over.

Yay! Yay!

It's a 20-way tie.

Nobody's a draft dodger!

Well, we didn't lose.

Guess we showed these
Marines a thing or two.

Yeah, but we didn't win, either.

Do you like to win, Potsie?

I like to win!

OK, gentlemen, the star
attraction of the evening.

Fellow leathernecks, I
give you Verna Laverne!

Yay! Whoo-hoo!

(men whistling)

Hey, Potsie, her
name's Verna Laverne!

OK, boys, get ready to lose
your good-conduct medals!

The war department
calls me its secret weapon.

You heard of the Marine Hymn?

Well, I'm the Marine her!

Hey, take it easy, boys.

You're steaming my visor.

Potsie! Potsie, this is great!

Potsie! Potsie!

Hey, this is a big one!

Come on! This is fantastic!

Once I went steady
with a Marine.

That's how I learned
hand-to-hand combat!

You'll have to excuse my friend.

He's just a little tired.

Oh, he must be a sailor.

OK, boys, I got more moves
than "Crazy Legs" Hirsch!

You see, Potsie?

She wasn't a stripper
like you thought.

She was more like
a... a lady Marine.

Hey, Verna!

Thanks, boys. Glad
you liked the show.

Bye.

Hey, good luck, honey.

Thanks. Hey, Verna,
you were terrific.

Thank you.

You were magnificent!

You were absolutely...

You were absolutely magnificent!

Yeah, we had a lot of fun.

You need a lift home?

Oh, no, thanks. I've got my own.

(giggles)

You wouldn't be going
across town, would you?

Yeah.

Richie here
could, uh, use a lift.

Oh, sure!

Oh, listen, I don't
want to impose.

That's not necessary
because, uh...

I have my school bus pass.

Well, save it for
school, honey. Come on.

Bye. Bye-bye.

Thanks, Arnold.

Oh! Listen, if you think
I'd be crowding you,

I could sit in the cake.

Oh, no.

(Richie) Home sweet
home! Thanks for the ride.

(Verna) Yeah, you bet.

Here we go.

You know, Verna -

you don't mind if
I call you Verna?

No, I don't mind. Say,
"Good night, Verna."

(laughter)

Good night, Richie.

Oh! Would you like to come
in and meet my parents?

Thanks. Maybe some other time.

I'm sure they'd
love to meet you.

They've never met a
dancing girl before...

Especially one that
comes out of a cake.

That was really terrific!

Thank you. Well,
in my line of work,

you don't get to meet
too many parents, either.

Good night, Richie.

So lon... Oh, Richie!

What happened?

(laughing) I think
you fell down.

Oh.

I thought somebody
lifted up the house.

(laughing) OK, let's go.

Oh, you're a very,
very kind lady.

Thanks. Listen,
where's your key?

Try and find it.

Richie, come on, where is it?

(laughing) Oh,
w-w-wait a minute!

You tickled it out
of me. Here it is.

Here we go.

Good night.

Shh! Don't make so much noise.

Me?

Whew.

Here you are.

Oh, thanks.

Now you're on your
own. OK? Good night.

What's the matter now?

I don't know what to do.

Well, I think you go
up to your bedroom.

No, no, no, no, no!
That's not what I mean.

Oh, this is really a problem.

I mean... when I
take a girl home,

I know what to do - I kiss her.

(giggles)

But I don't know what happens

when the girl takes me home.

Oh. OK, Richie. Good night.

(Mr. Cunningham clears throat)

Oh! Hiya, Dad!

Hiya. Come here.

Hey, this is terrific, you see?

I told you my parents
would want to meet ya.

Dad, I want you to meech... I want you
to meet my friend Miss Verna Laverne.

This is my father
Howard Cunningham,

same last name as mine.

How do you do?

I think he had a little
too much celebration.

Yes, I would think so.

Thank you very much
for bringing him home.

Oh, Dad, Dad!

Verna, or, uh, Miss Laverne,

is a dancing girl.

Oh, how nice.

She dances in a cake.

Really?

Well, it's a living.

I better be going now. Bye.

Oh, say,

maybe you can come
back Sunday night for dinner.

Yeah! That would be nice.

Bye.

Bye. Thanks again
for bringing him home.

You're welcome.

Ha-ha!

Oh, boy. Kissed
by a dancing girl.

Man, oh, man, if Potsie
could have seen that...

Too bad you won't
remember it in the morning.

Boy, oh, boy.

Dad! Shh.

Dad... What?

I think I'll be able
to listen a lot better

when I get my pajamas on.

All right.

Here you go, Dad.

You know...

I wanna marry a girl
just like Marilyn Monroe.

With me, it was Betty Grable.

I don't care what Potsie says.

The girl on the deck
of cards was pretty.

Wonder what a girl like that

was doing on the 10 of diamonds.

Let me give you a hand.

Oh, no, Dad, I'm fine! I'm fine.

Dad, would you lend me a hand?

Sure, Richie.

Oh, thanks.

When I was a kid, we used
to take our shoes off first.

(laughing) You did?
That's funny, dad.

Oh... I'm really tired.

Dad, the bed's doing flip-flops!

Oh, uh... you're just suffering

from what's known
as "bed spins."

Bed spins?

Mm-hmm. It's kind
of like a party favor.

(groans) Ohh... That's it.

Oh, boy. Oh...

Hope the door's open.

(Richie moaning)

Hey, what's goin' on?

Nothing. I thought you
went to a slumber party.

I got sleepy, so I came home.

Well, go on back to bed, Joanie.

Who's in there... Richie?

Yes. Now will you
go to bed, please?

Well, what's he sick about?

He's not sick, sweetheart.
Now will you go to bed?

Hey, Mom, wake
up! Richie's sick!

Psst!

Howard, what's
the matter with him?

Nothing. Go on
back to bed, please.

Oh, I'll bet it's the flu.

A lot of people have
been getting the flu lately.

Maybe I'd better call Dr. McKay.

No, don't call Dr. McKay.

And Richie hasn't got the flu.

Well, what has he got?

Well, nothing.

So that's what he's got.

Oh, Howard, he can hardly walk.

He's paralyzed!

Just temporarily.

Will you go back
to bed, both of you?

He's just a little tipsy.

Tipsy?

Oh, Mom, I forgot to tell ya...

I invited this dancing girl over

for dinner Sunday and...

And don't worry about dessert.

She'll be wearing it.

Oh, Mom, Richie...
He's grown up.

Well, that's some "grown up."

You're pretty sick, huh, son?

Well, it must have
been something I ate.

Probably the salami.

You never know what they make
salami out of, you know, Dad?

Yeah, that's true.

Couldn't be that you had too
much to drink now, could it?

Oh, that's silly.

All we had was some beer in...

teeny-weeny glasses.

How many teeny-weeny
glasses did you have?

Seventy-two.

I think it's time for some
teeny-weeny cups of coffee.

I've made some black coffee,

and I'll take it up to Richard.

That's very nice of you, Marion,

but I think you should handle
measles, mumps, and the grippe

and let me handle "plastered."

How did he get
in that condition?

He had a few teeny-weeny glasses
of beer with some nice Marines.

The nice Marines I've seen
wouldn't do a thing like that.

They're all so neat and
clean and stand up so straight.

Tonight he must have been
with a few who slouched.

How tipsy is he?

About the way you were at Uncle
Leo's wedding in Atlantic City.

Oh, Howard, I just
had a little glow.

A little glow. Would you
take Richard his coffee?

Marion, you put the
centerpiece on your head.

You danced around
imitating Carmen Miranda.

Better take him the whole pot.

Yeah.

Oh, Howard, were
you ashamed of me

at Uncle Leo's wedding?

No, Marion, of course not,

not after Grandma Rose got up on
the piano and danced the Charleston.

She did not.

Marion, I remember it vividly
because it was the first time

I ever saw the Charleston
done in orthopedic shoes.

Will you take richard his coffee
so that we can get some sleep?

I'll drink to that.

Oh, I feel much better now...

except for the funny
white spots on the wall.

Here, drink some more coffee.

Are you ashamed of me?

I'm not ashamed of you, Richie.

I think you've learned, though,

that drinking doesn't
make you a man.

I have. It only makes you sick.

Are you gonna punish
me now or in the morning?

I'm not going to
punish you, Richie.

I think you punished yourself.

It's all part of growing up.

I guess so.

I just want to go to sleep now

so I can wake up in the morning

and feel normal again.

Well, uh, Richie, I wouldn't
count on feeling normal

until maybe the
day after tomorrow.

What do you mean?

Never mind.

You have to live
through it to believe it.

Oh, Dad... Hmm?

Do you think the bed
stopped spinning?

I think so.

Oh, good.

Oh, Dad...

Have a cigar.

Why, thank you, Richard.

You're welcome.

Good night, Dad.

Good night.

(sighs)

Well, how is he?

He's fine.

He really was
d-r-u-n-k, wasn't he?

Marion, you don't
have to spell it out.

Everybody's asleep.

He is such a good boy.

Come on, now, let's
go to b-e-d, huh?

Oh, Howard.

Hey, Marion, you want a cigar?

(horn honks)

Oh! Hey, Fonzie.

You should have seen the
party we went to last night.

Right, Rich?

It was really a great time.

It was a bunch of
Marines and beer and food

and this dancing girl.

She came out, and
she took off... Nothin'.

Nothin'?

That's right... nothin'.

Richie told me everything.

I told him all about last night.

The whole night?

Did he mention if
I had a good time?

Ha-ha!

♪ Happy days ♪

♪ Hello, sunshine goodbye, rain

♪ She's wearin' my
school ring on her chain

♪ She's my steady, I'm her man

♪ I'm gonna love her all I can

♪ This day is ours
♪ Won't you be mine?

♪ These happy days
♪ This day is ours

♪ Oh, please be
mine ♪ Oh, happy days

♪ Happy days ♪