Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 1, Episode 14 - The Best Man - full transcript

1950's racial intolerance is explored from both sides of the aisle after Howard Cunningham is asked to be best man at the wedding of a black, former army buddy.

(Bill Haley and the Comets) ♪ One,
two, three o'clock, four o'clock rock

♪ Five, six, seven
o'clock, eight o'clock rock

♪ Nine, ten, eleven
o'clock, twelve o'clock rock

♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight

♪ Put your glad
rags on, join me, hon

♪ We'll have some fun
when the clock strikes one

♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight

♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight

♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight

♪ When the clock
strikes two, three, and four

♪ If the band slows
down, we'll yell for more



♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight

♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight

♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight

(guitar solo)

♪ When the chimes
ring five, six, and seven

♪ We'll be right
in seventh heaven

♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight

♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight

♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight

♪ When the clock strikes
twelve, we'll cool off then

♪ Start a-rockin'
'round the clock again

♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight

♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight

♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight ♪



Oh, where's that delivery
boy from the market?

He always helped me
carry packages home.

Oh, yeah, Eddie Collins.
They had to fire him.

Every time somebody didn't tip,

he'd crush their butter.

Thank goodness I
always tipped him.

Oh, Mom, I forgot to tell you -

Dad invited somebody
over to the house for dinner.

Oh, anyone we know?

No, just an old army buddy.

He's in town to get married.

Oh, your father never
tells me anything.

I guess another guest for
dinner won't be any trouble.

I think he's gonna be
here longer than just dinner.

Dad asked him to stay
until after the wedding.

Oh, he said to tell you
that we're invited, too.

Oh, good.

Well, that gives me an excuse

to buy that dress
that I already bought.

Hi!

Oh, hi, Dad.

Marion, Richie,
I'd like to you meet

my old army buddy
Fred Washington.

How do you do?

Oh, it's nice to meet you, Fred.

Pleasure to meet you.

Hi.

Oh, this is a surprise.

Uh, I mean, I didn't
know that you...

I mean, we didn't expect...

What I mean is, we have
watermelon all the time.

Here we go.

Joanie, what are you doing?

She's doing her
Invisible Man imitation.

Joanie, please take it off.

It's cute, but white
hoods make me nervous.

Put your napkin in your lap

and give the
glasses back to Fred.

Fred's traveled
all over the world.

Maybe there's some
questions you'd like to ask him.

(dog barks in distance)

Say, we're all a
little nervous tonight,

and I'm nervous, too.

Uh, it's been a long time

since I had dinner
with white people.

Yeah, well, we understand, Fred.

Yes, we do.

Just try to forget we're white.

Will you look at these photos!

I can't believe that's how
we looked 12 years ago.

I can believe it.

I must've put on over 5
pounds since those days.

You don't have to rub it in.

Hey, look at this one. Me
with that cute little Nurse Sally.

You remember her?

How can I forget? You
used to ring her so often,

we nicknamed you
"The Phantom Buzzer."

Oh, boy, she was
really something else.

You know, I remember the time...

Oh, you have your scrapbook out.

Fred and I were reminiscing
about how we met in the hospital.

Who is that pretty girl
standing next to you?

Oh, she's just some nurse.

Marion, Fred thought
I was in the hospital

because I got
wounded by a grenade.

And he didn't tell me
until we were leaving

that he dropped a box
of grenades on his foot.

Who'd you say that
pretty nurse was?

Just some nurse, Marion. I
don't remember her name.

So, the old bachelor is
finally taking the plunge, huh?

Boy, I just can't believe it.

Yeah, neither can I.

There's that nurse again.
You're both in bathing suits.

Well, she was
giving us sun therapy.

There she is again, alone...

I think we're finished with
the scrapbook, Marion.

(sighs)

What are you so nervous about?

Mm, the wedding.

One other thing.

What's that?

Howard, you and I have
been friends a long time.

And I don't know
anybody else in this town.

So... how about it?

What about what?

You wanna have a stag party?

No.

Would you be my best man?

You want me to be your best man?

Yeah.

I'll understand if you have
any reservations about it.

Oh, no, no, Fred.

I'd be proud to
be your best man.

You understand that you might be

the only white couple
at the wedding?

Uh, the only ones?

Yeah, um, Carol's family

doesn't have many
friends on this side of town.

But if it's going to
make you uncomfortable,

I'll understand if you
don't want to come.

Not come?! Why, don't be silly!

I'm looking forward to it.

In fact, I was just going
upstairs to fix my dress.

Now we can get back
to that cute nurse.

Would you like some more coffee?

Oh, I'll get it. You want a cup?

No, thanks. Help yourself.

Cream is in the refrigerator.

(doorbell rings)

Oh, hello, Mrs. Finley.

Hello, Mr. Cunningham.

Uh, could I use your phone?
I'm sorry to bother you.

But, uh... I was talking
to my mother last night,

and Mr. Finley ripped
the phone right off the wall.

Help yourself.

Oh, I'll use the
one in the kitchen.

Excuse me, Mr. Cunningham,

but, uh, I couldn't
help noticing

that there's a... a
man in the kitchen.

Oh, yes, that's Fred.
Would you like to meet him?

Meet him? Oh, I
don't think that's...

Fred, say hello to one of
our neighbors, Mrs. Finley.

Oh, how do you do, Mrs. Finley?

Uh, h-how do you do?

Uh, I-I always contribute
to African missions.

Oh. So do I.

Uh, Fred's marrying
a hometown girl here

on Sunday.

Oh, th-that's nice.

Are you planning
to live around here?

I haven't decided yet.
Won't you sit down?

No, no, thank you.

But I did see a
house on the block

that I might buy.

This block?

Well, isn't that nice?
You'd be neighbors.

Oh... neighbors.

Well, you wouldn't mind
living on the same block

with a headshrinker, would you?

Are you a psychiatrist?

Oh, no. I collect heads
and actually shrink them.

Uh, a craft handed down to me

by my great uncle
- Nat King Conga.

Uh... that's nice.

Well, I-I have to leave now.

Well, what about
your phone call?

No, no, no, that's all right.

I-I'll write a letter.

That wasn't very nice of us.

It sure wasn't.

Let's do it again sometime.

You know, this is the fifth time

I've been asked
to be a best man.

Maybe I should be
on What's My Line?

I think it was nice
of Fred to ask you.

Yeah? I think so, too.

I suppose, though,
he has a point

that we might be
conspicuous at the wedding.

Marion, you don't want us
to go to the wedding, do you?

Oh, I didn't say that.

You didn't have to.

Your prejudice is coming
through loud and clear.

Howard, I'm not prejudiced!

Am I prejudiced?
It's hard to tell.

All that talk about
feeling out of place,

that's just an excuse, Marion -

just an excuse for bigotry.

Now, let's face it -

you don't want us
to go to the wedding

because we're white
and they're black.

You've said enough,
Howard. Good night.

Bet you wouldn't tell
that pretty little nurse

that she's a bigot.

Marion, I'm sorry if
I hurt your feelings.

You did.

But it was the truth.

I think I really am prejudiced.

Thank you, Howard.

Don't mention it.

Now let's get some sleep.

I'm going with Fred to
discuss the wedding plans

at his father-in-law's office.

He needs my support.

What does his father-in-law do?

He's an undertaker.

Oh, I never met an undertaker.

Never met a Negro,
never met an undertaker.

Howard, I've got to get
out of the house more.

It's a pleasure to meet
you, Mr. Cunningham.

Oh, you, too,
Mr. Davis, and thank you.

OK, let's talk about

the wedding plans you've made.

Oh, uh, I'll wait
in the other room.

That's the embalming room.

Then again, maybe
I'll wait right here.

Oh, what a lovely ashtray.

That's Mr. Turner.

I've seen better ashtrays.

OK, Mr. Davis,

let's get down to
the wedding plans.

Good idea, but first, he
can't be the best man.

What do you got against
Howard being the best man?

Nothing, really.

It's just he's not quite
the color I had in mind.

I have nothing against white.

I treat everyone the same.

I'm glad to hear that.

And when they come to
me, I don't look at the color.

I just put them in a box.

That is the American way.

Carol and I wanted
a small wedding,

and you decided on
a big church affair!

You even try to
pick my best man!

Your wedding plans are canceled!

I'm taking over
the arrangements!

You're not gonna have one
of those cheap weddings?!

It's gonna be a nice wedding!

And I'm gonna do it my way!

Oh, well, goodbye, sir.

Y-You have a nice place here,

and I'm going to
recommend it to my friends.

You missed a spot right there.

Yes.

Yes, I understand that.

Oh, no, no, I'll have to
check a few other places

before I decide.

Yes. Goodbye.

How's it going?

I can't believe it!

I can't find anyplace
to hold the wedding!

I mean, either all
the halls are booked,

or it's out of my price range

or out of my race range.

There must be
something we can do.

Joanie, would you
please stop that?

We're trying to solve a problem.

OK.

Can I make a suggestion?

You could have the wedding
right here in this house.

Here?

It's a terrific idea.

We could have it
in the living room.

Here?

Ma could play the piano.

"Here Comes the Bride" is easy.

Have it here?

And for the reception,

I'll make some delicious
cheese dips and hors d'oeuvres.

I read a marvelous
recipe in a column

called "Favorite Recipes
of Hollywood Wives."

Marion... Elizabeth
Taylor made it

for Eddie Fisher
on their honeymoon.

Marion... Or was
it Debbie made it?

No, it was Liz.

Marion!

Yes, dear?

Marion, I appreciate your offer,

but think about
what you're in for.

You're gonna have a house
full of people - Negro people.

And I'd say that doesn't
happen every day

in this neighborhood.

I'd say it doesn't happen
every hundred years

in this part of town.

And you're gonna get funny
looks from your neighbors,

and maybe more
than just funny looks.

Besides, you've
gotta live here, not me.

Will you give me that!
I said no paddleball.

We're having an
important discussion.

Howard, would you
run it through your head

and give me your answer
in the morning? OK?

OK.

If your answer's no,
believe me, I'll understand.

But please think about it first.

Dad... Please,
Richard, I'm thinking.

The next time you get up
in the middle of the night,

will you please put the
blankets back over me?

I'm sorry, Marion.

Oh, Howard, something's wrong.
Do you wanna tell me about it?

What makes you think
something is wrong?

Well, for one thing,
you're wearing my robe.

It was on my side of the bed.

So were the blankets.

Oh. You're right, Marion.
Something is bothering me.

Having Fred's wedding here -

I'm just not so
sure it'll work out.

Why do you say that?

I don't think I'm a bigot, Marion,
but our neighbors, they're different.

Like that Mrs. Finley.

Mrs. Finley is a pain
in the b-e-h-i-n-d.

That's not how you spell it.

I know.

I don't think our
neighbors are ready for this.

Well, I think we are.

Marion, don't you
think it was guilt

that made you ask Fred
to have the wedding here?

Well, maybe it was this time,

but next time, it won't be.

Oh, dear, what are you doing up?

I heard you down here.

Is there something wrong?

Your mother and I were having
a private talk. Go back to bed.

Your father thinks the neighbors
might object to our having this wedding.

Why don't you have a
glass of milk, Richard?

The noise, the cars
and all the people.

Nobody got upset when the Kendalls
had their tenth-anniversary party.

That was different.

Dad, I sure am glad

you're not gonna let our thick-headed
neighbors push you around.

Just because all the people
are gonna be Negroes.

You are, huh?

I really am.

(doorbell rings)

I wonder who that can be!

It's probably Potsie -

he always smells food
coming from our kitchen.

Oh, Officer Kincaid!

All right, what's
this all about?

I caught him prowling
the neighborhood.

I was taking a walk.

And he told me he
was staying here,

but I've heard that one before.

Your police force
is on its toes.

It's more likely they've
got their foot in their mouth

because he is staying here!

He is staying here?
Well, I didn't know.

I mean, he's a... stranger,
you know what I mean?

Yeah, we all know what you mean.

He's not only a
guest in our house,

but I am going to be the
best man at his wedding,

and that wedding
is going to take place

right here in this house!

Gee, I didn't know.
Congratulations!

I love weddings!

Thanks, but this is
just for our family.

You care to join
us for a sandwich?

Oh, I never eat on
duty. It dulls the senses.

Mm-hmm. Then you must
have just had a big dinner.

Is that the last
of them, Fonzie?

Yeah. I'll tell you, though,

whoever, uh, sits in this one

better have a good
sense of balance,

or you're gonna have a,
uh, a lawsuit on your hands.

Well, I was sorry to
bother you on a weekend,

but you were the only guy I knew

who could get hold of a truck.

Hey, don't worry about it, huh?

My boss ain't gonna miss
the truck a couple hours.

Well, listen, I
appreciate it, anyway.

Yeah, it's all right.

But, uh, your father
owes me five bucks

along with your
appreciation, right?

Oh, right, of course.

So you're gonna have a bunch
of black people in here, huh?

Well, Fonzie...

I don't think that they
like being called "black."

They're Negroes.

Hey, uh, I didn't mean
anything by it, you know?

I mean, I'll take any
guy, as long as he's cool.

I'd rather know a cool black guy

than an uncool white
guy, and vice versa,

if you get my drift.

Yeah.

I gotta go.

OK. Thanks a lot, Fonzie.

Pardon me, I'm Reverend Dawson.

Hey, that's cool.
I'm Fonzie. Later!

Is that a member of
the wedding party?

Oh, no, sir.

(engine turns over)

Praise the Lord.

Oh, Howard, I think this wedding

has become the talk of the town.

Oh?

Mrs. Osgood from
the church called,

said I should turn
in my bingo card.

Oh, that's nothing, Marion.

John Kendall
next door is putting

a "not for sale"
sign in his yard.

Sarah told me her mother
wouldn't let me play with her.

If that's the way her
parents feel, you're better off.

(Richie) Mom? Dad?

Oh, I hope I know how to
play "The Wedding March."

Mom, it goes... ♪
Hmm hmm hmm-hmm ♪

Excuse me. I think
we're ready to start now.

Folks, I think we're ready
to start the wedding now.

(indistinct conversations)

Are you feeling better?

Oh, yeah.

You're lying, aren't you?

Yeah.

If you don't stop shaking,

you're gonna wear that
suit out from the inside.

You always did make
jokes at times like this.

You're stalling,
Fred. Now come on!

(playing "Here Comes the Bride")

(music stops)

Dearly Beloved, we
are gathered here today

to unite this man and this woman

in the bonds of... Excuse me!

What happened?!

Well... maybe he
thought it was a rehearsal.

Excuse me.

Marion, I'm going
out to talk to Fred.

Will you try and keep
these people entertained?

(murmuring)

Daddy, why did he do that?

I knew he would run out on you,

but I thought he would
wait until after the wedding!

Oh, Daddy... Don't "Daddy" me!

Oh... oh, sit down, everybody.

There's been a slight delay.

Now, for your
listening enjoyment,

I'll play a few tunes.

Are there any requests? I
know most of the Hit Parade.

Do you know any Count Basie?

(plays slow song)

Fred, this is no time
to be shooting baskets!

Don't you realize there's
a lovely girl waiting inside

while you're out here,
working up a sweat?

Helps me to relieve
the tension, Howard,

and right now, I am
a very tense man!

You just got
bachelor's cold feet.

Everybody gets it. Even
Eskimos get cold feet!

It's not cold feet, Howard.
It's more than that.

Well, what? It's too
late to have a last fling,

if that's what you're thinking.

There are people
waiting in there!

♪ Row, row, row your boat

♪ Gently down the stream

♪ Row, row, row your boat
♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily

♪ Gently down the
stream ♪ Life is but a dream

♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily
♪ Row, row, row your boat

♪ Gently down the
stream ♪ Life is but a dream

♪ Merrily, merrily,
merrily, merrily

♪ Life is but a dream ♪

He ain't no Mitch
Miller, I'll tell you that.

And another thing -

I'm not too choked
up about this chair.

Look at this.

All right, Fred,
what's bothering you?

Is it your father-in-law?

No, it's not that.

It's the whole thing.

Gettin' married is hard.

What's hard about it?

You say "I do," and it's over.

Yeah. Then I got a wife.

And then, before
you know it, I got kids.

You don't like kids?

I love kids.

That's why I don't want
to go through with it.

This wedding has caused
us nothing but trouble.

And why? Because
you're white and I'm black.

Fred, you and I
aren't getting married.

That's why I don't
want to bring kids

in this world right now.

The fighting over this
wedding has made me realize it.

"The smith, a mighty man is he,

"with large and sinewy hands.

"The muscles of his brawny arms

are stronger than iron bands..."

They got to be kidding me!

Think I'll go back to France.

Things are different over there.

So that's the solution?
Just run away?

Yeah.

Well, you can't.

Why not?

Because you love
Carol, and she loves you,

and you should have kids,

and maybe the kids
will change things.

Listen, Fred, when I
was a kid in the '30s,

things were terrible.

Here it is, the '50s,
and they're a little better.

Who knows what it's
going to be like in the '60s?

(sighs)

Yeah, but it's hard.

Most things worthwhile are.

Come on.

Let's go get you married.

(sighs)

Oh, come on, Fred,

my family's not very talented.

They can't keep holding
them together like that.

Come on.

I think we're losing 'em!

If this is the white
folk" idea of a wedding,

I'd hate to see their funerals.

Let's get out of here.

Honey! Honey! Honey!

Listen, I can explain.

No, I can't.

Just tell her that you love her

and you want to get married now!

Carol, uh, what he says.

Baby, please say "yes."

I do love you.

Grab the Reverend
and let's do it.

Oh, Richard... (murmuring)

This wedding will take
place over my dead body!

Please, Mr. Davis
- no shop talk.

Mr. Davis, please sit down.

(playing "Mona Lisa" off-key)

Here's some cake.

Thank you, son. Oh, thank you.

Well, Fred, you've finally
gone through with it.

Yep, thanks to you.

Well, I'm an expert
on helping bachelors.

Thank you for the use of
your home - for everything.

You know, that
took a lot of guts.

Maybe we'll even be
neighbors someday, huh?

Excuse me.

Fred, Aunt Nattie
wants to meet you.

Mm! There she goes, sounding
like a wife already! Excuse me.

You know, Dad,

I wouldn't mind him
moving next door to me.

Richard, by the
time you get married,

maybe he can.

Mr. Cunningham.

Mr. Davis!

I better go help serve
some more cake.

How do you like
the wedding so far?

Well, I can put up with
my daughter marrying Fred,

and I can even put up with
the wedding being held here,

but no way can I put up
with that piano-playing.

May I?

Be my guest.

May I?

Oh, please do.

Look, play this like that...

(scatting) (playing
boogie-woogie)

Hey, Marion, you're cookin'!

Oh, Howard! I'm cooking!

This is the last of 'em.

Let's get 'em on the truck.

Fonzie... did you ever
think about getting married?

Yeah, once... for about
a second and a half.

I figured I'd get hitched,
have a couple kids

'cause, uh, we weren't
gonna spend all our time talkin',

if you know what I mean.

I-I know what you mean.

You sure?

Oh, yeah, Fonz.

I mean, you're gonna
have cousins and in-laws

and stuff - I mean,
all those people.

I got nothin' against marriage,

but how am I gonna
get 'em all on my bike?

Let's go before they're missed.

We're returning the chairs now.

I'll be back in a while.

Oh, Fonzie - your $5.

Hey! I knew you wouldn't forget.

Night.

Oh, Howard, it
was a nice wedding.

And now the happy couple
are off on their honeymoon.

Mm. Hey, Marion? You
remember our wedding night?

Howard, we've been
married 21 years.

You can stop apologizing.

Who said I was apologizing?

What are you doing?

I'm sending a piece
of wedding cake

over to Mrs. Finley.

Wait a minute. Now send it.

♪ Hello, sunshine goodbye, rain

♪ She's wearin' my
school ring on her chain

♪ She's my steady, I'm her man

♪ I'm gonna love her all I can

♪ This day is ours
♪ Won't you be mine?

♪ These happy days
♪ This day is ours

♪ Oh, please be
mine ♪ Oh, happy days

♪ Happy days ♪