Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 1, Episode 1 - All the Way - full transcript

(Bill Haley and the Comets) ♪ One,
two, three o'clock, four o'clock rock

♪ Five, six, seven
o'clock, eight o'clock rock

♪ Nine, ten, eleven
o'clock, twelve o'clock rock

♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight

♪ Put your glad
rags on, join me, hon

♪ We'll have some fun
when the clock strikes one

♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight

♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight

♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight

♪ When the clock
strikes two, three, and four

♪ If the band slows
down, we'll yell for more



♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight

♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight

♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight

(guitar solo)

♪ When the chimes
ring five, six, and seven

♪ We'll be right
in seventh heaven

♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight

♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock, till broad daylight

♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight

♪ When the clock strikes
twelve, we'll cool off then

♪ Start a-rockin'
'round the clock again

♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight

♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight

♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight



Hi, Fonzie.

Have you seen Potsie around?

Oh, great. Thanks a
lot. I'll see you, Fonzie.

[HORN HONKS]

[ROCK 'N' ROLL MUSIC PLAYS]

Thought you'd never get here.

- What's up? I got the message.
- Not now. Later.

Right now Ralph Malph's gonna
show us his hickey. Come on.

- Where'd you get it?
- Hey.

Let's see it.

[WHISTLES]

Wow, look at that.

Doesn't look like a hickey.

Of course it doesn't
look like a hickey.

You can't walk around with
teeth marks on your neck.

Suppose your old man sees
them. Don't you know anything?

WOMAN: Ralph. Hey, Ralph.

Come on. I got
something to show you.

- What?
- Come on.

I, The Jury by Mickey Spillane?

Yeah, I bought it for you.
You owe me 25 cents.

Why'd you buy it for me?

You'll need it for Mary Lou
Milligan. I fixed you up with her.

- You did what?
- You said you liked her.

Did Mary Lou say she
wanted to go outwith me?

Yeah. So I took the opportunity
and I told Mary Lou all about you.

- Hey, get off my car, huh?
- Ow!

I just waxed it.

Wow, Mary Lou's as
sexy as Brigitte Bardot.

I know. I know a lot about her.
I sit right behind her in English.

There's things you probably
don't know about her from English.

- Like what?
- Like she's kind of got a reputation.

- Mary Lou?
- She once even dated a sailor.

Did she ever go outwith you?

- Are you kidding me?
- She did?

- Are you kidding me?
- I don't know. Am I kidding you?

If you don't believe
me, we can forget it.

- Keep your shirt on.
- Okay, well, we better get in,

because she should
be there any minute.

You know, I'm trying
to develop a D.A.,

but my mother wants
me to get a crew cut.

My brother once had a crew cut.

I know. It looked like
the crew bailed out.

Listen, what'd you tell
Mary Lou about me, anyway?

I told her you were
mature and worldly.

- Well, I hope you didn't overdo it.
- I had to.

She's not interested in
going around with kids.

She wants a man of the
world. She loves seniors.

Oh, Potsie, this is ridiculous.
She's in my English and history class.

- She knows I'm a junior.
- Don't worry. I took care of that.

I told her you've
been left back.

Three times.

[ROCK 'N' ROLL MUSIC
PLAYS OVER JUKEBOX]

I figure it'll go zero
to 70 in six seconds.

It's got an lsky cam, and it's
loaded with chrome goodies.

- Oh, how about seat belts?
- What's seat belts?

Like safety belts pilots wear.

I read about them in
Popular Mechanics.

Popular Mechanics?
I only read Hot Rod,

and it didn't say
nothing in there yet.

- There she is, Rich.
- Who?

POTSIE: Mary Lou Milligan.

Let's go.

PAT: Anyway, I got a '39 box...

- I won't know what to say to her.
- That's why I got you the book.

Then she knows you're not
inexperienced about things.

- I show her the book?
- No, you read her the good parts.

And the best way to show you've
been around is, when you read, sort of:

[FAKE LAUGH]

Laugh it off, like you've
been there already.

Wait a minute.

[FAKE LAUGH]

Gee, Potsie, I shouldn't
be meeting a girl today.

I didn't even get a
chance to shave yet.

[CHUCKLES]

- Hi, Mary Lou.
- Hi yourself.

Richie Cunningham, you
know Mary Lou Milligan.

- Hi, Richie Cunningham.
- Hi.

You know, I sit right
behind you in English.

I hear you breathing back there.

Since I pulled my hair
back, I can hear everything.

Ahem. My friend Rich
is reading, heh-heh,

I, The Jury by Mickey Spillane.

Mary Lou, wouldn't you like

to hear Rich read some
good parts out loud?

Okay by me.

Heh. There, you see,
Rich? Go ahead. Just read.

Yeah. Yeah, right.

[FAKE LAUGH]

"L, The Jury, by
Mickey Spillane.

Copyright, 1947, by E.P. Dutton
and Company, Incorporated.

All rights reserved.
No part of this book..."

You read nice, Richie.
I feel like I'm in English.

Well, I won the
reading-comprehension medal

when I graduated
from grammar school.

You're cute, you know. You
look a little like Pat Boone.

You have a clean face.

I try and wash my face at
least two or three times a day.

- My friend Dorothy wants to go now.
- Okay.

Oh, wait a sec.

Rich has something to
ask you. Don't you, Rich?

- What?
- Oh, yeah. That's right.

I was wondering if...

I'd like to take you to a movie
tonight, that is, if you can go.

Oh, I'm stuck tonight. I
have to babysit for Mrs. Kelly.

Oh, well, maybe some other time.

Tonight's all right. If you
wanna help me babysit.

Sure, I do.

Well, then, I'll see you at
the Kellys' around 8:30. Okay?

- Fine.
- See you.

So long.

Babysitting with Mary
Lou Milligan. Man, oh, man.

- You got it made in the shade.
- Eight-thirty.

Doesn't Richard
look nice tonight.

He's got stinky
stuff on his hair.

Is that what that smell is? I
thought the milk was sour.

But you haven't
touched your food, dear.

Oh, he's touched it a lot.
He just hasn't eaten any of it.

- Is something bothering you, Richard?
- No, Mom, I'm fine.

Looks to me like
he's got girl problems.

What makes you think
you're so smart, Chuck?

Certainly not his grades
from last semester.

Chuck is doing much
better this year, dear.

Well, why shouldn't he?

He's taking the same
courses again. Right, Chuck?

- Right, Dad.
- Now, you see?

Well, I gotta go to
basketball practise.

[CHUCKLES]

You want any more coffee, dear?

No. I think I'll just go out back
and get some fresh air, Marion.

- Howard. Howard, HOWARD: Mm?

Something is bothering
Richard. He didn't eat a thing.

The meal wasn't
that terrific, Marion.

- Howard.
- I'm just joking.

Now, look, will you stop
worrying about Richard?

He's just got growing pains.

And he's gonna have more
pain than me because he's taller.

You know they're all gonna
be taller than me, Marion?

It's the fertilizer.

What fertilizer?

The fertilizer the farmers
use when they grow food now.

- What can we do to help Richard?
- Nothing. He'll outgrow them.

I did, you did, Eisenhower did.

I liked Truman
better. He's shorter.

[I N DISTINCT CHAT-FER]

- You all set, Rich?
- Yeah, almost.

Well, you better get going or
she'll think you're not coming.

Now, remember, when she twists
her hair, she wants a French kiss.

And she loves when
you blow in her ear.

All right, but tell me what you did
so I don't do exactly the same thing.

It might look suspicious,
know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, maybe
you got a point.

Okay, let me think.

- First I turned down the lights.
- Uh-huh.

Put on "My Prayer"
by The Platters.

Put arm around back of couch,

- so it's around her...
- Which arm?

That depends on which
side you're sitting on.

If you're right-handed, sit
on the left side or vice versa.

You keep your
strongest hand free.

Right. And I brought
this just in case.

- What are you, crazy?
- It's a brassiere closed by hooks.

- So?
- Hooks are hard to open.

Did you ever take
out a girl with hooks?

Well...

No, all my girls had buttons.

Buttons? Rich, it's
either snaps or hooks.

Oh, well, I meant snaps.

Well, you better
practise, just in case.

- Practise?
- Yeah.

You don't say "open
sesame" and it unhooks.

Well, I like it to be romantic.

I'm just gonna do it my
way, all right? I'm going.

Okay. I didn't know I was
dealing with Cary Grant.

Ah. Hi, Fonzie.

Look what some jerk
left on the radiator. Heh.

Boy, oh, boy, there's sure
some dodoes around here.

[HORN HONKS]

What are you doing here?

You're not afraid
of Mary Lou Milligan.

No, I...

just never dated a girl

who went outwith a
sailor before, you know?

Are you chicken?

No, I'm not chicken.

I'm going.

Go on. You'll do all right.

Hi, Cunningham.

- Where are you going?
- All the way.

Gee, you know, this
is really a nice place.

- I don't live here. This is the Kellys'.
- Oh, yeah. I know.

- Sit down.
- Thank you.

[SIGHS]

- So let's talk.
- Talk?

- Yeah, talk.
- Hmm.

And then whatever.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Whatever.

Well, what did you
wanna talk about?

I don't know.

- You.
- Me?

Oh.

Well, I live on Ridge Street,

and my father owns a hardware
store on the corner of Alcott...

We don't really have to talk.

Oh.

Fine.

You know, you're right.
You can talk any time.

You can talk at school.
I have a better idea.

- Why don't we read?
- Okay by me.

[CHUCKLES]

Do you want me to
turn down the lights?

Yeah. No.

Only that little one. I
don't wanna get eye strain.

My mother would kill me if I came
home tonight needing glasses.

Oh, yeah.

[CHUCKLES]

Uhm.

[FAKE LAUGH]

"Her eyes were
blazing into mine.

I was only human.

I bent over her, taking
her mouth on mine.

Her body...

was a hot flame."

[BLOWING]

- Do you feel a draught in here?
- No.

That was me blowing in your ear.

Oh.

You wanna neck?

Sure.

If you think this is
the right time, sure.

Okay. Heh.

Wait a minute.

[CHUCKLES]

Hmm.

- Didn't you like the gum?
- Oh, it was a little stiff.

Tasted like cardboard.

Oh.

- Ow!
- What's wrong?

You kiss funny.

- Funny?
- Yeah,

you kiss with your
mouth closed so tight.

Oh, did I do that?

You know, I wasn't even aware of
it. I'll pay more attention next time.

Excuse me.

Could we sit down on the
couch for this next thing?

- Okay by me.
- Great.

Um...

[GROANS]

- What's the matter?
- Could we switch sides?

You see, I'm right-handed.

Oh, sure.

- Is that in the book?
- No, I got that one on my own. Heh.

- What are you doing back there?
- Back where?

- I don't do things like that.
- You don't?

No. I'm sorry.

He didn't tell me what
to do if you said no.

- What?
- Nothing.

It's just that you
liked the book,

and you twisted your hair a lot.

I always twist my hair a lot.
If you don't like it, just say so.

Don't grab my sweater.

- You'll stretch it.
- I'm sorry.

But listen, this is
real good material.

- This won't stretch much.
- Oh, let's do something else.

Really?

I mean, that's
really a good idea.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Look, there's a chess set.

Oh. But you have
to be smart to play.

- Oh, no, you don't. I'll show you.
- Really?

Sure. My father taught me.

- Oh, okay.
- You see...

You see, this is a castle,

this is a knight, this is a
bishop, and this is the king.

Now, the object of the game
is for you to try to take my king.

I won.

[SIGHS]

No.

We better start
from the beginning.

MAN: Okay, Richie, let's dig
it out. Let's dig it out, Richie.

Come on, Rich. I'm your best friend.
You can tell me. How far did you get?

All I'm saying is
Mary Lou's a nice girl.

You didn't get very far.

- Lay off, Potsie, will you?
- Okay.

- Okay.
- Hey, Cunningham.

Dorothy Roadwald says you did a
little babysitting over the weekend.

Well, did you?

[HITS BALL]

Tell them.

[HITS BALL]

- You know something...?
- Hi, Richie.

It was fun the other night.

Let's do it again real soon.

- Fine. MARY LOU: Call me.

RICHIE: Sure.
- Okay.

See you.

You did, huh, Rich?

Well, I better go
take my swings now.

Did you, Richie?

You kidding?

He's my best friend.

MAN: Okay, Richie. Here's
my curve ball. Heads up.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

[WATER RUNNING]

Okay, Richard,
what's bothering you?

RICHIE: What? I'm in the shower.

Well, I guessed
that's where you were.

Your mother says you've been moping
around here for the last couple days.

- Now, what's the problem?
- Can't we talk later?

We're leaving for Aunt Bessie's

just as soon as Milton
Berle is over with.

I need a few laughs
before Aunt Bessie.

I can't stand Aunt Bessie.

- What's up?
- I don't know if I can

- talk about it with you.
- Why not?

Well, it's sexual.

Richard,

sex is exactly what a son
should discuss with his father.

I mean, you don't wanna learn about
it on some street corner, now, do you?

- Now, what's the problem?
- Well, this friend of mine, see...

It's always a friend.

He said he did something because
everybody else said they did.

He didn't wanna be the only one,
so he said he did, but he didn't,

because she wouldn't and
he was embarrassed he didn't.

I have no idea
what you're saying.

Your mother does
that to me lately.

Here.

Thanks.

My friend lied to
everybody about a girl.

Oh, well, it's obvious
that the lie is bothering him

and he ought to go
back and tell the truth.

To everybody? I
mean, even Fonzie?

- What's a Fonzie?
- Arthur Fonzarelli.

He dropped out of school.

Well, at least your
brother will have company.

Why do you use such hot water?

It's a little embarrassing
to tell the truth.

I mean, for my friend.

Richard, if it was easy,
there'd be no problem, huh?

And then your friend wouldn't
be moping around all the time.

Now, when I was your
age... [KNOCK ON DOOR]

- Yeah? MARION: Howard,

you're missing Uncle
Miltie wearing a dress.

I'll be right there.

Truth is the best
answer, believe me.

Then you, your friend, the girl

and this Fonzie person will all feel
much better. Take my word for it.

MARION: Howard, hurry up.
He's kissing the men from Texaco.

I'll be right there. I
gotta change my shirt.

I just took a
shower with Richard.

HOWARD: He wore that same
dress last week. The hat's different.

So I told all the guys I lied.
Except Fonzie, and I'll tell him today.

That's funny.

Funny? What's funny?

The boys are always
saying I did things with them,

and you said I didn't.

But we didn't.

You mean you didn't
with the other guys either?

No. Just kissing.
I like to kiss.

And you don't mind

- what everybody says about you?
- Who listens?

Potsie listens.

Well, I mean, what can you do?

The gym teacher, he told me
built girls always get talked about.

He tried to grab my sweater too.

Mr. Brockington?

Yeah. Good old Mr. B.

Anyway, thank you
for what you did.

- Oh, well, I feel...
- And I meant to tell you,

you're very smart for someone
who was left back three times.

Well, I...

[CHUCKLES]

Thank you. Heh.

[MOTORCYCLE ROARS]

Oh, hey, there's Fonzie.
Well, I'll see you later.

I'm going to the girls'
room to check my face.

- Oh, all right, see you.
- Okay. Bye.

[MOTOR REVS]

Hey, Fonzie. Can I
talk to you for a minute?

Well, remember the
other day I was telling you

about me and Mary Lou Milligan?

Well, the fact is...

I played chess.

You played with her chest?

No, chess, Fonzie.
The game chess.

- We didn't do anything. I lied.
- Oh.

- So I thought I should probably...
- You know, that makes me mad.

- I don't like to make you mad...
- You know, I mean,

seeing how you said you
did, I figured you did, she did,

so I got a date with her
myself this afternoon.

- Oh.
- I'm gonna waste

a whole day and gas.

- She kisses real good.
- I polish my bike for a kiss?

- I'm really sorry.
- Come here.

I'm gonna forget it this
time, but no more lying.

I'll do all the lying.

Hi, Fonzie. I'm
ready. Let's ride.

This is gonna be fun.
This is really gonna be fun.

It ain't gonna be that much fun.

- We're in like Flynn.
- What do you mean?

I found out who gave
Ralph Malph his hickey.

- Who?
- Sue Ellen Lisky.

- I got a Coke date with her.
- Oh, gee, that's great, Potsie.

Listen, I can fix you
up with her best friend,

Debbie Hochhouser,
who also bites.

[CHUCKLES]

- No thanks.
- Okay.

- But can I ask you a question?
- Go ahead.

Can you fall in love with a
girl who has a reputation?

Write this down, Rich.
There's two kinds of girls.

Those you marry, and
those that got a reputation.

What about the ones
who give hickeys?

Oh, well, they're okay,

if you marry them before
they get reputations.

Say, how many questions
you miss on the history test?

Oh, I know I missed
that one on Alaska.

I forgot they're thinking
about making it a state now.

- Ah. Never happen.
- Sure it will.

Do you realise someday an
Eskimo could become president?

Yeah. Terrific.

At the World Series, he could
throw out the first snowball.

- Hey, my books!
- Ha-ha-ha!

RICHIE: Uh-oh.