Hap and Leonard (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 5 - Pie a la Mojo - full transcript

Hap and Leonard attempt to stop the culprit by going undercover at the carnival.

Previously on Hap and Leonard.

Found out who this bones
belong to yet?

The bones aren't your problem no more.

Would you tell Leonard from me

that if he so much as whistles

one false note,

I'm gonna drop him into a hole.

Ome up with something else.

- They don't have anything else.
- Well we'll find something.

Whoever did these,

ain't finished yet.

Everyone of these falls on
the third Saturday in October.

They were here, Leonard.

This is the perfect setup.

Carnival comes once a year.

Kid disappears.

Killer disappears.

Everybody forgets about it.

Police don't know where to look.

Where would you look?

I don't know.

Hey, boys.

Look here.

I tried to tell
them cracker cops

we're dealing with
a travelin' man.

Didn't wanna believe
an old black man, though.

Listen to me.

You're close to figuring
this whole mess out,

but to get it sorted,

you gotta be like a mule.

Nose forward, ears back.

Keep plowin'.


Now go on.

Finish this.

Pie a la Mojo.

- There you go.
- Thank you.

Anything else I can get y'all?

Just the check, Miriam.

I got it.

Thank you.

So... you have no idea
where he is?

I don't represent him anymore.

But you two are still bumpin'
fuzzies, though, ain't ya?

What are you, 12?

And why the sudden interest
in Hap Collins?

He's an interestin' person.

We like talkin' to interestin' people.

Now he's been cleared
of kidnappin' charges.

So what's he done now?

Trust me, Florida,
we just wanna talk to him.

Tell us where he is.
He won't know it came from you.

I haven't talked to Hap Collins,
and I don't plan to, Marvin.

And in the future,
if you have any queries

about any of my clients
or former clients,

bring a subpoena,

not just your wallet.

Thanks for the coffee.


First name basis.

That is new.

I think we better get goin', Hap.

We gotta be at the carnival
in 30 minutes.

I wanna go.

No, boy. I said no.


On account of me and Hap
got something to do.

I won't be in your way.

Boy, you ain't goin' nowhere
near that carnival.

Not today.

MeMaw, it's okay he stay here
one more day?


He is a pot full of trouble.

I'm so bored.

You read that book I gave you?

Readin' is boring.

- And she's always...
- Hey.

You better think about
what you 'bout to say

'fore that mouth write a check
your ass can't cash.

Hey, TJ. You ready?


Thank you, MeMaw, for breakfast
and for the bed last night.

Look, MeMaw, I need you to look
after this boy, all right?

And whatever you do, do not
let him go to the carnival

unless I tell you it's safe.
Hear me?

You don't have nothin'
to worry about.

Now that I know how he play...

MeMaw gon' up her game.

Mornin' officers.

Should he be drivin'?

TJ fooled 'em.

You're smarter than you look,

I know.

Nobody expects the retard.

- We can go now.
- Okay.

That goes by the Hurricane.

All these guys
look like killers, Hap.

Yeah, well, one of 'em is.

If we don't find him by tonight,
he's gonna kill again.

First thing we do...

rule out anybody
who's not white.


Narrows it down.

According to Florida,
most child predators are white, so...

That's your plan?

Just rule out anybody
ain't white.

I guess we could go around
askin' people

if they killed any kids lately.

Heads up.

All right.

You and you. Tents.

Yes, sir.

You. Monkeys.

I hate the monkeys.

You and you.

Shit squad.


I tell you, Hap.
You see anybody around here

that don't look like
a damn serial killer?

'Sides that horse?

Hap Collins!


Hey, Leonard.

- How's it hangin'?
- To the left.

You boys still goin' steady?

You ain't get
the weddin' invitation?

Whatcha doin' here, Judy?

Got too old for the pole.

It was bound to happen
sooner or later.


- Well.
- Hey, you know what, Judy?

We were tryin' to keep
a low profile here, so,

you might wanna go somewhere
to hose off and leave us be.

Still mad at me after
all these years, aren't you?

- You stole my turntable.
- You weren't using it.

- It needed a cartridge.
- Which I bought.

After you stole it!

Mess hall's open!
You get a half-hour!

That's lunch.

Come on, boys.

Brick makes a mean salmonella.

I'm not eatin' lunch
with this crazy bitch.

We don't need her nonsense, Hap.

She could be
a blessin' in disguise.

She stole your car.
Did you forget that?

- I didn't.
- And she sold it to a chop shop.

- Yeah. She needed the money.
- For a boob job.

Well, I was never gonna see
that car naked now, was I?

Keep yo' head in the game, Hap.

Look at those tats.

I knew a guy in prison
that had tats like that.

One for every year he'd served.

For every kid he killed.

Maybe he's our man.

Yeah. Just keep pilin' on.

Keep it movin'.

13 stripes.

- Just like I told you.
- Right.

We need your help, Judy.

Sweetie, if you're here,
you're well beyond help.

But okay. Shoot.

Well, we're looking for someone

who might be a little...


I'm not enough for you, Hap?

Hey, hey, this is serious.

It's a carnival, Leonard.
Lots of freaks.

Not that kinda freak.

We're talkin' the dangerous kind.

You're not cops now, are ya?

We look like cops?

Undercover cops. I hate cops.

Somebody here is hurtin' kids.

They're usin' the carnival
as cover.

We think they might
be one of these carnies.

Jesus. Who?

How 'bout that Illustrated Man
over there?


Yeah, sure.

I hear he did a stretch.

Don't know what for.

Anybody else we might look into?

Prison is kind of our main
recruitin' station, love.

You're gonna have to be
a little more specific.

Yeah, okay...

He... he's methodical.

Hides in plain sight.

You know, maybe a Bible thumper.

- Or... or... or a devil worshiper.
- Right.

Someone that likes
to hurt people.

And... and possibly,
he's... he's got a history

of smaller crimes
involving children.

I can think of a few people.

You met the bossman.
He fits the bill, for sure.


I'd put Ted Mundy
on the list, too.

Kiddie clown.

Major peeper.

Always starin' at my tits.

Yeah. One more thing.

If he hasn't been
with the carnival

for at least 13 years,

- probably not our guy.
- I'm-a go check out Brick.

You find out who else
we gotta look at.

- All right.
- All right.

You're worried about this,
aren't you?

Judy, some real bad shit
gonna go down here tonight

unless we stop it.

You know, bossman signs off
with everybody's P.O.

before he hires 'em.

Real strict about it.

I might be able
to get my hands on his files.

Might tell you somethin'.

Now that, that would be good.

Meet me at my trailer in 15.

It's the one with my name on it.

That's everythin' I could find.

No, this is great, Judy.
Thank you.

Unsnap me, would ya?

I gotta get ready for work.

You're a contortionist, Judy.

You really need unsnappin'?


You've seen my tits before.

I'm showin' you my boobs,
and you're not even lookin'.

You're lovely, Judy.

You're weird,

but lovely.

What I'm doin' here,

what I'm tryin' to do here
is important.

It's probably the most important
thing I ever done in my life.

Who are you kiddin'?

Not myself.

Not anymore.

15 minutes, Hap.

That's all it'll take.

I may not be as limber
as I used to be,

but I can still do more
with 6 inches

than a monkey can with
a hundred feet of grapevine.



Last chance.


Three no's.

I must be drunk.


How can I help?



Hey. Um...

Hey, look here, I don't want
no trouble. I was just...

Whoa. Hey, hey. Ho!

- Trouble found you anyhow.
- Shit. Hey.

Put down the anaconda now.

Dude, thought you wanted
to play.

Um... you... you...

you pegged me right,
but I ain't here for that.

Well, you better have
a good damn reason

sneakin' around my bedroom then.

Look here, man,
I'm curious about you.

I'm curious about you, too.


Talkin' about them tats
you got there.

You're one of those.

Likes to talk first.

Yeah, it kind of ruins the mood
for me, if you must know.

Come on, man. Tell me about
these tattoos. What they mean?

One slash...

for every year sober.


That's it?


Got four more.

17 all together.

Congratulations now.

- You don't gotta go.
- Yeah, I do.

- Stay. Stay.
- I got somethin'...

I got somethin' real important
I got to do. All right.

- You sure about that?
- Yes, sir.

I mean, I'm probably sure I do.

- Now you take care of yourself, hear?
- You teasin' me.

- I like that, boy.
- All right, now!


All right. Okay.

All right. One day at a time,
now. All right.

You don't like your book?

I'd rather be outside.

Why you think Leonard gave you
that book in the first place?

I don't know.


He knew you were
tryin' to change your life.

And... and that book,

it's kinda like a Bible.

See, every mistake you ever
thought about makin',

Huckleberry Finn already
made it fo' you

so you don't have to do it.

That's a gift Leonard
gave you right there.

All you gotta do is...
is... is open it up

and feast your eyes
on the pages.

Go on. Read it.

You might like it.

Hey, Fernie. Hap here?

No. He called in
and took the day off.

You need some gas?

Yes, actually.

- Fill her up?
- Yes, thank you.

Don't touch anything.

Well, well.

What have we here?

Put an APB out on Collins.

I'm sure there's an explanation.

I'm sure you'd like to think so.

Come on in, kids!

Carnival's open!
Y'all have fun now!

Yep. Hired 'em this morning.
They're inside.

You sure?

I got an eye for ex-cons.
It's them.

One Bravo Nine to dispatch.

One Bravo Nine. Go ahead.

Got a 20 on Hap Collins
and Leonard Pine.

Repeat, 20 on Collins and Pine,

north of Cooperstown.

Show your ticket.
Thank you very much.

Right inside. Right inside.
Thank you very much.

I want a line of guys on
the west end of the carnival.

Push east
towards the parking lot.

Make sure we got
a couple squads down there.

Nobody comes in,
nobody goes out.

Copy that.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I thought I was gonna have
to send a bloodhound after you.

So what happened with Brick?

Tried to play taffy
with my pecker.

Turns out he's 17 years sober.

That's what the tattoos
stand fo'.

Don't mean to say
he ain't our guy.

- So what you got?
- We got...

nine possibilities,

including the clown.

I hate clowns.

How we supposed to follow
nine people at the same time?

- Well, we can't.
- Well, who most likely then?

Take your pick.

- Hap...
- Don't. Don't say it.

This too big for us.

Hey, I-I said don't say it, Len.

We've come this far.

- We have to call the cops.
- No.

You know I'm right.

You're right.

There's a phone down by
that monkey maze.


I got another one right here.

I got it!


Whoo! Whoo!


There's the Rev right there
with all the kids.

You go get 'em outta here.
I'll make the call.

All right.

Here we go.
Who else can make a basket?

- I can!
- Who can make a basket tonight?

Hey, Rev. Look, I ain't got time
to explain right now,

but you gotta get
these kids outta here.

What you talkin' 'bout?
We just got here.

Somethin' bad about
to go down tonight, Rev.

Get these kids back on the bus
and get 'em outta here.

Well, I tell you what. There's
a stage by the country singer.

Take these kids,
and I'll round up the other ones

- and meet you there.
- Hey, kids, come on now.

We are goin'. Come on with me.
You heard the Rev. Come on.

Come on.

You gotta be kiddin' me.

Damn it.


This place is crawlin'
with cops, in case you haven't noticed.

Well, that's good 'cause
I've been tryin' to call 'em.

- They're here to arrest you, Hap.
- What?

Come on.

What the hell is goin' on?

They found your room at Fernie's
with Chester's stuff in it.

They think you killed that boy.

I mean, what were you doin'
with all that stuff anyway?

Do you have any idea
how that looks?

Leonard and I found a crypt.

A what?

13 boys are dead, Florida.

And not just BB.

13 boys

buried in the crypt
underneath the Old Hope Church.

Now 13 of the 22 that Chester
was looking into.

- My God.
- Yeah. We figured it out.

The killer takes a victim
from the carnival

on the third Saturday
of every October, every year.

That night is tonight,
and we gotta stop 'em.

- Come on.
- Hey, no. Whoa. Where you going now?

- Hanson!
- By the time I finish

explaining it to him,
another kid'll be dead.

So there is no time.

Give him some credit, Hap.

Hey! He ain't earned that.

- Hey, I...
- Sorry, Florida.

Hap! Hap!

Try not to hyperventilate,

- Hap!
- I will come back for ya.

Don't you lock me in here! Hap!

Hey, hey, this...
this all of 'em?

You... you seen Ivan?

- Ivan?
- Yeah, he was on the bus with us.

That damn kid must've run off.

Look, get the rest
of these kids outta here.

I'm-a go look for him,
all right? I'll find him.

All right, this way, everybody.
This way. Get around.

All right. This way. This way.

Keep going. Keep going.

I've been lookin' for you
everywhere, man.

- Ivan's here.
- Yeah, and so are the cops.

Good. We gotta find 'em.

Man, not good. Not good.
They think I killed BB.

- What?
- They're here to arrest me.

- That's crazy!
- Yeah, I know.

Look, this boy
is my responsibility.

I can't let nothin'
happen to him, Hap.

Hey, hey.
We gotta be smart here.

I gotta find him.



Hey, Leonard! Hey, Leonard!

One of my kids saw Ivan
gettin' in the car

- with some guy in the parking lot.
- Goddamn it!

Hey, hey, hold on, hold on.
We know where he's takin' him.

- The crypt!
- Right.

- Get your kids and get 'em to safety!
- All right.

Shit. We got no car.

Hey. Hey, where you...
where you goin'?!

- Hey!
- Leonard!

Hap Collins!

Hands up.

Stay where you are.

Hap! Hap!


Come on, boy!

Go! Go!

Yah! Yah!

There he is. Be quiet.

Easy, boy. Easy.

Stay there.

You see Ivan?


Is he armed?

I can't tell from here, Hap.

He don't know we're not.

Hey, Hap! Hey, Leonard!

Whatcha doin' here, TJ?

I'm makin' angels, Hap.

Where's Ivan?

He's in the car.

I made him go to sleep.


He's gon' be in heaven real soon.


We gotta get Ivan outta there.

Yeah, I know.

Think we could take him?

Yeah, maybe. With a big hammer.

Or a cannon.

- We ain't got neither, Hap.
- Nope.

You distract him.
I'm-a check on Ivan.



I think you're gonna wanna
come with us.

Hey, you seem a little...

confused right now.




A heathen wouldn't understand.

Try me.

Them boys was lost to the Lord.

On the road to damnation.

So we sent 'em home

before the devil can
claim their soul.

That is some crazy shit.

God's work ain't easy.

Take the boy down.

I got these two.

But... but that's Hap
and Leonard.

- They're my friends.
- No, they're not, brother.

They're in league
with the devil.

Demons come to intervene
in our holy work.

Don't you listen
to any of his shit, TJ.

We are your friends.

Remember how I told you
the devil was a trickster?

Well, they fooled you.

Do what I say now.

But they ain't got no horns.

I told you. They're tricksters!

Go and do what I say.

I'm-a take that shotgun
and shove it up your ass.

I sincerely doubt that.

Down on your knees.



You stay very still.

Don't hurt him, Hap!

We ain't gonna hurt nobody, TJ.

They're gonna hurt MeMaw, too!

We gotta stop 'em!



That's enough, TJ!

Hold your fire. Hold your fire.

Put it down, Reverend.

Put it down.

We can take it from here.




Where'd his face go?

TJ, easy now.

Put the gun down.

No, TJ!
TJ, p-put the gun down now!

Put the gun down now!

Put it down, boy!

TJ, y-you gotta
put the weapon down now!

Come on, TJ.

Put it down.



Hands up!

Get 'em up!

Ivan. Ivan!

Come on, boy.

Come here. Come here, boy.
Come on.

Ivan. Ivan, wake up, buddy.

Wake up.

I wanna go home.

We goin' home, okay?

We goin' home.

Dear Lord.

That's for lockin' me in.

You had it comin'.


Probably did.

I hurt.

Hurt real bad. You got
a steak I can put on this?

Think I'd waste a steak
on that face?


Let me tell her.

It should come
from somebody she know.

All right.

All right.

When your black boy
don't come home...

you know...

they dead.

It's my fault.

It ain't your fault.
Don't believe that now.

The reverend did this, MeMaw,
not you.

His mama was a no good apple.

His daddy was a bad man.

He had the seeds of evil in him.

I could see that...

from the very first time
he moved in with me.

I thought if I just
loved him hard enough...

When them chil'ren burned up
in that church,

all that long time ago,

the devil,

he come home with me that day.

He wasn't done with Jezebel.

The devil got nothin'
to do with this, MeMaw.

He made damn sure he get to me.

Ain't you tell me people
gonna be who they is?

That's what you told me
about Uncle Chester.

People gon' be who they are,
and you can't change 'em.

Not even love can change 'em.

Love do change people, Leonard.

Just as love changed you,

and Florida's love changed you.

But that boy...

MeMaw's love just...

fall off of that boy.



Good evening, I'm Eloise Martin.

Our lead story today...
the incumbent Beau Otis

just won his reelection bid
for Judge of LaBorde County

over his challenger
Daniel Stevens in a landslide.

Mr. Otis is the son of longtime...

What if I told you that
I don't think Fitzgerald killed BB?