Hap and Leonard (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - Bad Mojo - full transcript

Hap and Leonard face the consequences of their crimes. After separating to cover more ground, a grisly secret is uncovered.

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Previously, on
"hap and leonard."

the body had feet, alright.

And the feet had sneakers.

Body ain't had no feet.

We both saw 'em.

Some people learn the hard way.

You oughta know that by now.

How'd you get in here?

Where... Is... Ivan?

Get outta here,
and don't come back!

Yo, look out! Look out!



This gate is the only thing.

Standin' between me and jail.

Now, how do you know that?

You haven't found
the church yet.

I think I'm falling in love.

With who?

Florida. Florida?

If you had a good idea,
it would die of loneliness.

I guess you're gonna tell me

Florida is young, smart,
and smokin',

And I'm old, dumb,
and don't have a real job,

And a woman like florida can
never fall in love.

With a loser like me.

Look down.



See all those fools down there?

You and me, we ain't nothin'
like them, hap.

I love you, man.

Love you, too, hap.

Collins.

Your turn on the dance floor.

Wake up, asshole.

Get dressed.

You're lucky.

We got mr. Bobby joe soothe
in here; Serenade you.

Thought they had rules.

About inmates having shit
they could hang themselves with.

My bobby joe wouldn't do that.

Turn around.

What the hell they got you
in here for now?

Arson.

You?

Kidnappin'.

Who?

Beau otis.

You know that beau otis is
an epileptic?

Didn't know.

Don't care.

[theme music playin.

There are only two types
of people.

Still livin' in this town,
collins...

Them that just couldn't get out.

And them that just wouldn't.

Which type are you?

See, here in east texas,

Man needs a plan.

Otherwise, there's just
nothing here for him.

Except for trouble, of course.

Are you a troublemaker, collins?

Depends on who you ask.

I'm asking you.

Yeah, I guess I am.

My son beau is a slothful, lazy,
ignorant son of a bitch,

But he is gonna be
my next county judge,

Because that's what
I need him to be,

And you will not prevent that.

Because I will not allow it.

Although I gotta say,
I would have enjoyed seeing him.

Piss himself last night.

It wasn't as much fun as
you might imagine.

This is all about what happened
to your daddy, isn't it?

Son, lookin' backwards ain't
gonna get you outta this office,

And it ain't gonna help
your friend leonard pine either.

Now that boy is facin'
some serious charges.

Accessory to murder, arson.

I wouldn't worry about him.

He got himself
a pretty good lawyer.

Hey, hey.

Where is she then, I wonder?

She'll be here.

Okay.

In the meantime, here's what
you gotta do for me.

You're gonna promise
to leave my son alone,

And you're gonna stay off
my radar,

And I'm gonna forget about
what happened last night.

Why don't you just go
back out there.

And wait for your lawyer
to get here?

If she gets here.

What about leonard?

Hell, you can
take leonard with you.

Would you tell leonard for me,

If he so much as whistles
one false note...

I'm gonna drop him into a hole.

That's blacker than he is.

According to the arson report,

The house is a total loss.

Niggers were drug dealers.

I don't know if I'd call it
a total loss.

You're lucky nobody was
in there, boy.

You'd be lookin'
at some heavy numbers.

I ain't no murderer,
and I ain't your boy.

But you admit to setting
the fire.

Don't know nothin'
about no fire.

You tell the rest of the
neighborhood to say that, too?

Didn't have to.

You know what I think, leonard?

I think some people are stupid,
some people are lucky,

But you ain't either.

You just a criminal.

Got yourself a fancy lawyer,
but...

We gon' get you.

Not on this, not on helping.

Your uncle chester
hide that kid's body.

On somethin'.

Just a matter of time.

What, you think,
'cause, we both brothers,

I'm supposed to cut you
some slack?

That what you think?

You wanna know what I think?

I think you stole them shoes
off that dead kid...

A dead kid you know
I ain't kill.

And we ain't no brothers,

Slack or no slack.

Now...

If you ain't gon' charge me,

I'm gonna, you know...

Got a gene autry movie
comin' on in two hours.

I didn't set my betamax yet.

Go.

You still lookin'
at my uncle chester.

Like a murderer?

You heard the man, pine.

You find out who them bones
belong to yet?

Them bones ain't
your problem no more.

Now go on.

And you call me a criminal.

Hey.

It's the luckiest man
in laborde.

That makes you
the second luckiest, then.

Don't make sense.
Why they just let us go?

'Cause he's in charge,
and nothing's changed.

That's the way it is
and always will be.

Yeah, well, melton's gone.

Yeah? Yeah.

Guess I'm wrong.

Maybe some things do change.

So what about uncle chester?

What about bb?
All them other missing kids?

It's over.
It's over. We... we're done.

So that's it?

Yep. That's it.

Well, I gotta get to work.

I'm-a go and, check on ivan.

See you around, partner.

Adios, amigo.

Hey, hap?

We did the right thing, right?

We tried.

Thank you, miriam.

Lord knows, I need it.

I can tell.
You smell tired, miss florida.

What does tired smell like?

An old white man...
Sad and salty.

Thank you.

You mind if i...

Um, I'm a little confused.

Two of your clients got
arrested, and you didn't show.

I can't help people
who don't want my help.

This is about last night.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess
you can't represent.

Someone you're having a...
Thing with.

One of my clients
burned down a house.

The other one assaulted
a county judge.

Neither one of them
seems capable.

Of being entirely truthful
with me.

And by the way,
this has nothing to do.

With what happened
between you and me.

Well...

I had a nice time.

Everything I do
is under a microscope.

People expect me to be perfect.

Do you understand that?

Yeah, I understand that
you're having difficulties,

But from where I'm sitting...
Hap.

Difficult is getting
a teenager into rehab.

After he's been busted for
selling food stamps for drugs...

Yes... Or reuniting an
illegal immigrant with...

With her baby after
she's been deported.

Yeah. Yeah.

What happened between us.

Is the least difficult thing
I've done in a long time.

No, let me get that. Hap.

No, no, please, give me a...

A little dignity?

Hey.

We were up there pretty high
last night.

How'd you get down?

Thanks for breakfast, hap.

Boy, look at you.

You best not be causing memaw
no trouble.

I ain't.

I wanna get a picture
of you two.

I'm gonna put you two boys
on my wall of remembrance.

You might try smilin'.

Ooh!

A boy and his uncle.

Yeah, speakin' of family,

You know we got to go
find yours.

I don't want to.
Ain't about what you want, ivan.

It's about what's right.

Come here, chil'.

My favorite part of the picture.

Leonard, you come look
at this, too.

You can see a lot
if you know how to look.

It's just chemicals, memaw.

They're not chemicals.

It's you. It's your spirit
coming through.

All the things you are,

All the things you will be,

And all the people that
come before.

Now, go get dressed.

I made a pie.

I find out who his folks is,
if he got any.

He got 'em,
whether he want 'em or not.

He just like you.

Trouble in one pocket,
sadness in the other.

But you growed into a fine man.

Now...

Go put that pretty picture
on my wall.

Yes, ma'am.

Hap, we a coupla
dumb-ass peckerheads.

That's you in
the picture there, memaw?

I was just a little sliver
of a thing there, wasn't I?

The day after the picture
was taken...

The klan came
and burn up my childhood.

That's where you got
them there scars?

Well, I tried
to put out the fire.

Lord, I tried.

I tried, I tried, I tried.

All this remembrances...

Clamped a cold hand on my heart.

Ivan, get me a glass of water,
would you, please?

Memaw.

Memaw?

Tell me where this place is.

That place long...

F-forgotten.

With spirits...

No one remembers.

All those little chil'ren...

All lost.

What the hell we doing
in here, buddy?

I thought you folks were
scared of places like this.

Doing our job, charlie.

Yeah, well, valentine said
we're done with that.

Why you wanna complicate things?

Why'd you become a cop, charlie?

My god.

Look, you wanna talk
about feelings,

We're gonna do it over doughnuts
like we're supposed to.

We can't get caught in here.

Yeah?

We're cops, right?

Yeah.

So we can do whatever
we wanna do.

Who's gonna question us?
Who's gonna stop us?

Tampering with evidence
is a crime,

And that is what you're doin'
right now.

Tampering's already been done.
It wasn't me.

Don't you wonder why?

I mean, what's so important
about this kid? Who was he?

Nobody. I don't know. Who cares?

Yeah? Well, leonard pine does.

Yeah, well, leonard pine is
a asshole.

He's a criminal,
and he's in your head, man.

Let me know when it's done.
Yes, sir.

204 is ready.

Right. The crematorium.

The hell we just see?

Partner, we were never here.

You gon' forget what
you just saw. We both are.

Understand?

You sure you wanna scrap that?

Why? You want it?

My second cousin, ferdinand,

Got this auction house
over in dallas.-

He is always sellin' that kind
of stuff to these arty farts.

I could check with him.

Why? How much you think
it's worth?

Depends on where it's been,

Who made it,
how many of 'em there are.

But I tell you what.

It might be able to pay
for a coat or two of paint.

On that old truck of yours.

Thanks, fernie. I'll...

I'll think about it.

Well, let me know.

Leonard.

We are a coupla
dumb-ass peckerheads.

Murder him, alfonzo!

Make him bleed!

Excuse me, ladies.
I'm sorry to bother you. Um...

You lost?

No. No, ma'am.
I... I'm not lost. I'm...

You see, I-i'm trying to
find out where this gate was.

See, th-the design here
is real similar.

To the stained glass window
design up there on that church,

So I thought it might've
come from here.

Right hook! Right hook, boy!

Hallelujah!

You think the... this church
ever had a-a fence around it?

Not that I recall.

So you never seen
this gate before?

You pay for that seat?

Well... Hello, miss grange.

I thought
we had an understanding,

You and me.

No, I'm just a private citizen.

With a passing interest
in the art of boxing.

Yeah, okay.
Well, this is a fundraiser,

So you wanna stay for the show,

You're gonna have to pay
for a ticket.

Duck, alfonzo!

Mama's gettin'
a brand-new pair of shoes!

Collins. Yeah?

You box?

Well... Little bit.

How 'bout a round or two
for charity,

Show these folks how men do it?

Yeah! Please don't.

You think I'm gon'
embarrass you, counselor?

I think you're gonna
embarrass yourself.

So you do care.

I really don't.

Yeah.

Pretty light on yo' feet.

Yeah. Yeah.

Didn't hurt too much, did it?

Barely felt it. Is that right?

Hey, just sparring, right?

Nothin' heavy, just a spar.

Hey.

That's all you got?

No!

You beat up my pastor.

W...

Shit.

Boy's smart.

Old cottonmouth road.

Now don't be tellin'
them cops nothin'.

Popo dumb as dirt,

And just as ugly, too.

Do it yourself, boy.

I would.

You almost had me there.

Don't care what he says.

You opened up a can of whup-ass
on that man.

I appreciate that, ma'am.

Hold on now.
You need to sit a while.

You still got the vapors still.-

Yeah. Yeah.

Will you tell me,
any of you ladies know where...

Where the old hope church is?

Much obliged.

Goddamn peckerheads
all think alike.

I thought it was great minds.

In your case, peckerheads.

Wall look like a...

Smile missing a tooth.

I think the killer took
that gate.

So he had something
to weigh him down with.

How far you think
illium's pond is?

Half a mile east.

What the hell was that kid
doing out here,

Playing all by himself?

The old church.

Yep.

Old memaw was right.

This place should be forgotten.

Aah!

I am old.

I think I just squashed
my last kidney.

I am so damn old!

Looks like the basement.

It damn sure ain't the attic,
einstein.

Through here.

Hey.

These boards look brand-new.

Let's check it out?

Hap, I'm outta here.
Hey, come on, man.

Come on, give me a hand.

Would you...
Come on, give me a hand.

Get it.

There you go.

What is all this?

1977.

'78. '79.

'80.

Hey, help me with this one.

Is it loose? Yeah.

Shit!

Jesus.

Jesus ain't had nothin' to do
with this, hap.

Just a kid.

Real sorry
what happened to you, boy.

Real sorry.

There's a box for every year.

And this is '88.

Empty.

Whoever did this...

Ain't finished yet.

Whoever did this killed bb.

Chester was right.
It's all connected.

Shit, hap. We can't even
go to the cops.

Our prints all over
this damn place.

Valentine did warn me.

Warn you about what?

This morning.

He said if we don't drop it...

He'd drop you into a hole
darker'n this one.

I don't give a damn
what happen to me no more.

And I don't give a damn
what you promised valentine.

We gon' find out who did this.

He's gonna end up killin' more.

We got 22 missing kids.

And 13 bodies.

Now we gotta do is figure out.

Which one's in the crypt.

Well, '79 and '81...

They're the only years
when just one kid went missin'.

Jesse johnson and leshawn simms.

In october, 20th and 21st.

And this one, too.

October 19th.

Well, let's start
taking down the ones.

That wasn't nabbed in october.
Right.

That's 13?

Bunt jackson, leshawn simms.
That's our 13.

Why these?

Either they're random killings.

Or connected to the killer
in some way.

Kinda look like idaho.

Yeah. And idaho...

Runs around...

Cooperstown.

Boss.

Hey.

You know how crazy this is?

What? We're just
havin' lunch, charlie.

He ain't that stupid.
Just be cool.

What can I get y'all?

Coffee'll be fine.
Thank you, ma'am.

You, sir?

Same.

You got it.

Thank you.

So valentine tells us
to let pine go,

Then we find out
valentine took the shoes.

I mean, aren't you curious
about what he's up to?

Yeah.

Maybe the rumors are true,

That valentine
paid the cops off the night.

That beau otis killed
them fellas' daddies.

They say beau was
drunk as a skunk.

True or not, that gets out,
what you think happens.

To judge otis' chance
of gettin' re-elected?

Unless the shoes tie collins
to the murder somehow.

Is it possible he might
be blackmailing valentine?

Nah, no way.
He ain't that ballsy.

Yeah?

But you kill a kid, no matter
what the circumstances,

Might just grow you a pair.

We been lookin' awful hard
at leonard pine.

Yeah...

'cause valentine told us to.

Just another way of sayin',
"don't look at hap collins."

Now each one of these dead kids
went missin' in october.

Why october?

Well, that's
the $64,000 question.

October 18th one year,

The 20th the next, 19th.

Always different.

What if it's not the date,
but the day that matters?

You know how sometimes.

Your birthday fall on a monday
one year and tuesday the next?

What day did these murders
happen on, hap?

Damn it, leonard.
You're a genius.

I know.

Every one of these falls on
the third saturday in october.

That's...

That's tomorrow.

Damn it, hap. We got company.

Stay close, partner, in case
they try somethin' funny.

You gonna have
whitney houston curls.

And be tina turner blonde.

Well, well, well, well, well.

Two of my favorite people.

Leonard, sit.
Let me touch up those edges.

I ain't got time for that
right now. The police behind us.

What?! Let me see.

I want no trouble in here.

What you do?

Woke up this mornin'.

I gotchu.

Gimme two minutes
and go out that back door.

Dawnisha, round up the girls.

Ladies.

What are those dummies
doin' in there?

Let's go in.

Which one the white one again?

Hap collins.

What he look like?

Like the guy who was just
in here a minute ago, ma'am.

That's him right there.

Funny. Well, hell,

You know it's hard
to tell y'all apart.

We gonna look around.

You don't mind, do you?
Mnh-mnh, be my guest.

And find my missing son
while you at it.

Ma'am, let us by now.

You a cop, right?

Well, some dick munch done stole
my baby's bike.

What you gon' do about it?
Call the sheriff's office.

They'll send a deputy out.

Why I gotta do that
when you right here?

Because we're in the middle
of official business.

We is, too.

Stoplight up on rabbit hill road.

Been out going on... What?

Five years.

Five years!

And some crackhead took off
with my grandma's check.

And my kitten be in a tree
since communion.

That's right. Tell 'em, ladies.

Hey...

You got a buck? Nope.

50 cent.

Transfer's good for two hours.

He with me.

You sure?

Yeah, I'm sho'.

Thanks, buddy. Don't thank me.
You owe me 50 cent.

Hap.

Idaho. Idaho.

Last stop!

They were here, len.

Every third saturday of october.