Hannah Montana (2006–2011): Season 3, Episode 12 - You Give Lunch a Bad Name - full transcript

Enjoy the reunion, dad!

Call us when you land! Love you!

He is gonna have such an awesome time seeing the band again.

And it is so cool that

he trusts us to leave us alone for the first time.

Sucker!

We're gonna party...

...and party hardy...

...with my friend Marty...

...you don't know a Marty...

...but it rhymes with party...



...that's kind of smarty!

Now. Young man, I expect you home before curfew.

And Bud. You call if you're gonna be late

Shall we, my curfewless compadre?

We shall, my sneaky sibling!

Surprise!

You get the limo out front.

Hottest styles, every shoe, every color.

Yea when your famous it can be kinda fun.

It's really you but no one ever discovers.

Who would've thought that a girl like me

would double as a superstar?

You get the best of both worlds.

Chill it out, take it slow,



then you rock out the show.

You get the best of both worlds.

Mix it all together and you know that

It's the best of both worlds.

Hannah Montana S03E12 You Give Lunch a Bad Name

Oh. Well, that's a really nice way to greet your Mamaw!

You just see how you look when you're my age

you've been stuck on a plane between some

smelly old coot that wants to play footsy

and a fidgety four year old who keeps on trying to

put out your hair with his juice box.

Where's my hug!

Mamaw!

You're here because...

Your daddy seems to think that you're

old enough to be left on your own.

I swear you can read his butt like a road map.

And you're here because...

I'm here because I don't care how old you are

you still need some adult supervision.

And I really wanted to see you.

Sorry, Mamaw. We're really happy to see you too. It's just...

we were kind of excited to show Dad how mature we can be.

Yeah you know, do our chores...

stick to our curfews without any

adult's supervision whatsoever.

Oh. Well, I guess in that case then

I might as well just hitch up the wagon

and head on back to the home for gullible old grannies

...not!

Fine I'll go do the dishes.

I'll go flush my toilet.

Oh please you two this is your Mamaw!

I can see you're all dressed up and ready to part-y

so you two go on ahead and have yourself some fun.

Thanks, Mamaw!

See you later.

So what if I was stuck on a cramped plane

full of contagious diseases

just thinking about those grandkids that

I haven't seen in almost a year.

Later!

Then I lost my luggage.

Then my cab broke down

but I knew I would forget all that when I was

in the warm embrace of my loving family. But no.

No wait! They have got friends to go see

who have a whole lot life ahead of them than I have.

Maybe we could stick around and hang out with you.

Please say no! Please say no! Please say no!

Well if that's what you would like.

Why don't you go unpack my suitcase

I wrapped up some homemade

Peanut brittle in my delicates.

Yum.

I can't believe I had to miss Coop's party.

Coop's party! I missed Taylor Swift's party!

On a yacht!

With that handsome tortured guy from that vampire movie.

You want to talk handsome and tortured?

You should've seen me and Mamaw at the beach yesterday.

Hey, Jackson! Check out the lucky lu's!

Don't worry girls I'm not his date!

I'm his Mamaw!

He's cute, huh!

She's usually not this clingy!

It's like she's trying to pack a

year's worth of visits into one week.

Ssssh! Quiet,You'll wake her.

The last thing I need is another clean underwear check.

At least you passed yours!

Whoa! Nothing like a morning jog.

And a little appreciative hubba-hubba

from one Mister William Shatner!

Good for you Mamaw late for school gotta go bye!

Good lord you two would have yowl got in those things?

I haven't seen anybody drag that much weight around

since your daddy's eighth grade chunky phase.

It's no big deal Mamaw they're just books!

No big deal?

Back when I was the lunch lady at East Northumberland High

I stretched munch menues to lug around a pack like that.

By his senior year they were calling him scrunch-munch man.

Oh I could listen to your stories all day.

It's... It's too bad I have to go to school.

Now hold on you two!

If I wanted mules in the family I'd of married a donkey.

And no cracks about your grandpa's heirs!

Mamaw! We gotta go to school.

There's nothing we can do about it now.

You wanna bet?

Hey wassup?

OK guys,you're gonna love this.

We heard a couple of nerds were walking down

the hall with musical...

Oh... Hmm

let me guess.

Mamaw?

They were the last ones in the store.

Hey well you know on the bright side

you don't have to worry about anybody stealing them.

Unless an angry mob of kindergartners skip

by on their way to recess...

Sweet niblets!

Hey it's not our fault!

Our Grandma made us do it!

Well at least we were able to ditch the matching thermoses.

Hey there you are you silly billies

you forgot your matching thermoses!

Just ignore her! Walk away!

Hey Jackson. Heads up!

Now, let's see... who could have caused this?

Eeny, meany, miney...Stewart.

Principal Weebie, this wasn't my fault.

OH, please... that was a perfect spiral!

Wow! And you are?

Ruthie Ray Stewart. I am... I'm their Mamaw.

I am really sorry about all this.

Well, broken legs happen and so that the two

for one early birds special at the beef 'n' waffle.

Well, that is awfully tempting but

don't you think you should be looking for a replacement?

I mean these kids have got to eat.

But where am I gonna find somebody

with years of experience of our beloved Jane?

-Judy! -Whatever!

If I could just butt in for a second.

Please don't volunteer, please don't volunteer.

I would like to volunteer.

You?

Well, North Central Nashville school

district lunch lady of the year

1982 through 99 at your service.

Shut up!

You shut up.

WOW! I can't imagine anything more embarrassing than that.

Oh really? Wait for it!

Manderson sit up straight!

Gordenski that is a fork not a forklift! Slow down!

Hoods up!

Heads down!

I see you!

-Lilly Truscott? -Yes?

You have not touched your lima beans.

I'm not a big fan of Lima Beans.

Then don't ask them for their autograph!

Yes ma'am.

Hey hey hey hey where do you think you're going?

I'm finished.

With all of that coleslaw left? I don't think so!

You sit down son that is roughage.

You need every single bit of that

keep everything moving along regular like.

Mamaw!

Don't you Mamaw me.

You know the problem you had this morning!

We do not need a repeat of that tomorrow!

Mmmh this's so good.

Love the lima bean, mamaw.

Yeah, a napkin probably would've been a good idea.

Rico, are you comfortable?

Yeah. Yeah, thanks!

That was sarcasm sweetie.

Get off the table!

That woman is ruining my reputation!

I am never gonna live this down!

Hey, guys, I think people are a little more mature

than you give them credit for.

Yeah you know they're not gonna blame you

for what your Mamaw's doing.

You!!

You brought this plague upon us!

Hey! Come on! She's only here for a couple of days.

Besides he's the one that stepped on

the cafeteria lady just saying!

If we are ever stranded on a desert island

I am so trading you to the natives for coconuts!

Hello! I have an announcement.

Bad news is... our poor Jackie

Judy!

She'll be out for two months. Who cares!

But the good news is

a certain angel in a hairnet has agreed to

take over until she's back!

Don't say it, don't say it, don't say it!

Ruthie Ray Stewart!

It's official the whole holding hands

and chanting thing doesn't work!

Oh kids, ain't this wonderful!

Oh, look, they're so happy. They're speechless!

We gotta get her to change her mind.

And how are you gonna do that?

One of us has to tell her

because that's a mature, responsible and fair thing to do...

Not me, Ha!

You totally cheated!

-You totally cheated. -You always cheat.

-Why you do that? -...but it's not me.

-Be fair once! -...it dosen't matter...

I don't wanna tell mamaw. Who's gonna tell mamaw?

Alright, lets just do this quick and clean... no emotion.

Just like all those girls who broke up with you.

Stop that!

Mamaw. Hey. I'm glad you're home.

Hey, there he is.

The cutest boy at Seaview High

and a big part of my heart.

Not that big.

I mean come on lets face it.

I do have a history of disappointing

the people I love over and over...

and over!

You never know when it's gonna happen again.

Could be today.

But nothin' is gonna ruin this day for me.

Back in the old hairnet again feeding the future of America

and spending more time with my babies babies.

I tell you something...

most teenagers would hate having

their grandma working at their school

but not mine.

I could just squeeze you to death.

Please?

Hey! You know...I've been thinking

I mean sure Mamaw can be a little difficult...

when you love someone you just...

You wimped out didn't you?

She said I was like half her heart.

What? A hot dog on a stick is fine

but when a hot dog is on the floor it's a health violation?

Where do you think I found the stick?

Stupid health inspectors with

their "rules" and "regulations."

If I didn't own this place... I'd quit.

Wait a minute.

Health inspector... quit...

Ahhhh!

Hey no fair. That was my Ahhh.

Ohhhh.

There's ten seconds left on the clock.

Ruthie Ray Stewart has the potato

she dribbles it down court.

She turns left she shoots

Splash! Nothing but pot!

Ra! Ra! The Crowd goes wild!

She's dancing,she's dancing

-Is she alone? -What do you see?

Oh! Oh I am loving this lipstick.

I put it on an hour ago and it still looks fresh!

Let me see! Oh you're right! Can I borrow that?

Yeah, sure.

Do you see this is why it's Super-Man! Bat-Man.

Wonder-Woman.

Wonder-Wo-Man!

Let it go!

Jackson! The coast is clear!

Once I get done picking apart her kitchen

she'll be out there faster than that coleslaw I had yesterday!

Ar, good-morning Madam.

Wendell Gutman Los-Angeles Health Inspector

Nobody said anything to me about a health inspection.

And nobody said anything to me about you having an attitude.

Something to hide perhaps?

Absolutely not!

The only bug you're going to find

is the one that stuck in your craw.

Hey I think she's buying it!

Of course she is!

Hannah called in a little makeup favor

from the Star-Wars Walkie guy.

Allen Walker?

Nerd alert.

Well let's just see what we find here.

Nothing...

Told you!

I'm just getting started.

Nothing gets by the Gutman finger!

Oh yeah well quit your talking and get your fingers to work.

I got eight hundred kids to cook for!

This isn't working!

Relax! With Mamaw's temper it's not going to

take much more to make her quit.

But what if he can't find anything!

Oh he'll find something.

Cover Oliver's mouth!

Why!

Things are about to get a little hairy for Mamaw!

OK this is crazy they're cleaner

than when I put them on!

I believe we are done here!

Hey Mamaw. Just wanted to stop by before class.

Oohh I didn't know you had a visitor.

He's not a visitor.

He's a health inspector looking for something unhealthy.

Perhaps he should start with that gut of his,

man looks like he ate an Oompa-Loompa.

Oh well I can tell him he won't find anything

wrong in your kitchen.

Especially not in your legendary noodle casserole!

Oh yes. We'll see about that. Yes, we will.

Oh, what do we have here.

Or should I say what do we have hair?

How did that get in there?

Oh I don't know perhaps incompetence

You can not talk to my Mamaw that way!

She quits! Let's go!

Well wait a minute why on Earth would I quit?

Because you are furious! Furious I tell you!

Come on, Mamaw!

Oh for heaven's sakes

it's one little bit of hair now

if you will excuse me Mr. Gutman

I have got fritters in the fryer.

No, it's Inspector Gutman

and I'll have you know

that I have nose for this sort of thing.

And then some!

Insult the way, madam.

But in my experience

where there's one hair there's usually a clump not far behind.

She ain't my grandma

Ha! What a wimp!

Me and my hair are going to go yell at him for you! Bye!

What do we do now?

Are those your new extensions?

Yes don't they look so...

No!

Would you rather spend the next two months

with your back-pack going

round and round round and round!

Forgive me!

Are you still here?

Oh, I am here alright!

And if I find one more violation

you will never be rid of me!

I will haunt you for every hour

of every day for the rest of your miserable life!

Like a ghost! Whoooaaa!

No job is worth this kind of torment!

I say you walk right now!

Right now I tell you! Come on!

Oh fish cats! He isn't finding anything!

Na-ha! I told you I had a nose for this sort of thing.

Yes and it is dripping all over my clean floor!

Jackson!

What is going on?

I think I know exactly what is going on.

You two wanted me to quit so badly

Congratulations. You got your wish!

Mamaw...

I think you two have said quite enough.

I think maybe it's my turn to talk now.

Oh boy.

Come on. Come up here.

Take a look in that mirror. You know what I see?

Two really apologetic grand kids?

Who love you... very much.

I see grandchildren who are obviously

embarrassed by their grandma

but they didn't have the good sense

to come right out and tell her how they really felt.

You know who the biggest offender is?

No I'm talking about the big red-headed

grandchild in the middle.

What?

Oh, come on. You two you know I used to be

a grandchild once myself.

When I was driving back here I was thinking about

how my grandma used to love to embarrass me

at all the school dances.

She chaperoned the dances?

Oh lord I wish. She was the DJ!

You have no idea how humiliating it is

to hear your Mamaw announced to the entire gymnasium.

Babba Joe ask Ruthie Ray to dance!

She's got your pictures placed all over her room

it's the least you can do Babba.

Wait wasn't grandpa's nickname Babba?

Hey, I didn't say it didn't work.

The point is

I think I was just so excited to be

a part of your lives again that I...

I might have overdone it a smidge.

A smidge!

You know what just because I embarrassed you

does not mean you can sarcasm me Gutman!

Yes, ma'am.

And we're really sorry.

We should've told you how we felt from the beginning and...

I really wish there was something we could do

to make it up to you.

Hey maybe the three of us could spend Saturday together?

Oh sweetie.

Actually ... I already have plans.

How you doing up there Weebie?

Top of the world Ruthie! Top of the world!

Haha!

Health Inspector! I'm here to do a follow up.

Nice try, Jackson.

I heard about your little performance at school.

I have no idea what you're talking about!

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

And this is my real nose too!

Please!

Whoa that sucker's really on there!

Get your hands off me!

Well I'll give you points for staying in character.

But let's see how strong this wig is!

Stop it! Aww aww awww

I will shut you down!

Hey Rico. Make a new friend?

So argh... can I pay the fine by credit card

or would you prefer a cheque?