Halt and Catch Fire (2014–2017): Season 3, Episode 5 - Yerba Buena - full transcript
Mutiny's acquisition of Swap Meet is still going through growing pains, this time specifically in an issue between Donna and Cameron, the latter who does not want to add an extra layer of providing the service of payment through credit cards, not wanting either to swallow the credit card fee or pass it along to customers, who she believes will balk at having to pay it. This disagreement sits unresolved going into the July 4th holiday. Both Bos and Cameron have decided to go back to Dallas. Cameron wants to buy the one thing from her mother of sentimental value that belonged to her father, namely his motorcycle, before her mother and stepfather move. Cameron has not told anyone she is coming, and has in the back of her mind to see Tom, who may or may not want to see her. Bos wants to visit with James and see his new grandson. What happens on Bos and Cameron's respective visits may have some affect on their psuedo father-daughter relationship. With their kids away, Gordon and Donna forgo what were their original camping plans to instead have a staycation. They try to overcome both the issues in their professional and personal lives to come closer together as husband and wife in the sanctuary of their home. And Ryan remains both exhilarated and frustrated at his current project with Joe to develop what will be the revenue generator for the company. Ryan secretly gets a glimpse into Joe's personal life, the result of which could affect what Joe decides to do with his life in its entirety. All these issues are brought back into the workplace following the holiday.
Previously on AMC's
"Halt and Catch Fire"...
I don't know what Mom told you,
but I'm not angry at you.
So here's my offer.
You can decide if you
want to be on the 8:45
out of DFW tonight.
What's this?
The log-in credentials for the ARPANET.
I need you to map it
and help me figure out what's next.
Were you born this way,
or did some ex-boyfriend
turn you into a man hating bitch?
I think we should fire them.
If working with Doug
and Craig is untenable,
Mutiny can send 'em home.
I told Dianne you want to fire them.
- And?
- She said "No".
- "Dodge 'Em".
- "Missile Command".
- "Dig Dug".
- "Grand Prix", suckers.
- Ah!
- Oh!
Gordon, X to you. Atari 2600 games.
Has to start with the last
letter of the previous answer.
Uh, "Xenophobe".
Whoa!
Wait, wait, there's seriously
a game called "Xenophobe"?
Yeah, but you're just being
intolerant to aliens, so it's cool.
All right, guys, any updates on the bug
we've been having with
the swap confirmations?
Overhauled and working great.
That's it, ChernobylBoy
is going to the stocks.
- Happy Fourth of July, asswipe.
- Yeah.
Some fifth grader reneged on a swap
for a "Close Encounters" lunch pail.
We're revoking trading
privileges for repeat offenders.
It's all internal for now, but we're
working on putting this into here.
Show him the guillotine.
But are you dead in Mutiny?
I mean, are we cancelling
people's subscriptions?
You just wander around without a head
and that lets people know this
guy without a head is a total dick.
Don't swap with this headless dickwad.
Can we get some blood
spurting out of the neck hole?
- God, how did we not think of that?
- Put that in, dude! Yes.
All right, we got to solve
for the Sev 1 cache miss bug
in the out-of-region swap routine?
Tests today, ships tomorrow.
- You sure?
- Gordo, relax.
SwapMeet's righteous. The
only thing that's sideways
is people keep ignoring
the no buying stuff rule.
A lot of people are trading for DBs.
- DBs?
- Dollar bills.
We could technically monitor every
trade to make sure it doesn't happen.
I can't help you there.
That's way above my pay grade.
So people are buying shit for money.
So what? We knew this would happen.
It's clunky. Our users want
an easy way to buy things
and they're frustrated it doesn't exist.
Our users want the Police
to get back together,
but Sting's not interested.
Doug and Craig said they
can spend the weekend
integrating their code for
credit card transactions.
- No. - They were already in beta
with it when we acquired them.
It's basically ready to go.
Because they yanked it off the shelf.
It's boilerplate code supplied
by the credit card company.
They just gave it a little shine job.
We don't need the perfect solution.
If we have to temp something in now
and customize it later, fine.
A Band-Aid is better
than bleeding to death.
Bleeding to death?
Donna, SwapMeet has doubled in size
every week since we went live.
You're just scared of slowing down.
I don't want to slow our growth.
And you keep acting like
accepting credit cards
is some devil's bargain.
They make people's lives
easier. That's the whole point.
Okay, Mutiny is a castle.
You and I built it and then we
gave a little piece to Diane.
And then a little piece
to freakin' Doug and Craig.
But making deals with credit card companies
is just lowering the drawbridge.
What good is a castle if
nobody's in the kingdom?
It doubles in size every week, okay?
There is a fix for this, I promise.
I just... I don't know what it is yet.
- Hey, Cam, are you down there?
- Yeah, Bos.
Cam, I'm gonna pick you up tomorrow
at 6:00 A.M. sharp, all right?
We got to get to the
terminal a little bit early.
They always give me shit
about the rods in my tailbone.
Okay.
When we moved here, we
knew that there'd be times
that we'd have to adapt quickly.
This is one of those times.
Donna, we're all alone, okay?
There's no other company
that's even attempting
to do what SwapMeet is doing.
I don't want to rush in and
just screw it up all at once.
Can we talk about it
when I get back Monday?
- We're not gonna screw anything...
- Monday.
Have a nice trip.
Stanford's over here
right next to Moffett.
Over here is jackboot
central. DoD, NORAD, the NSA.
And I printed out all the directories
for every mainframe on the network.
And we can leverage some of
the weak access points I found.
Now, the Pentagon is nearly impenetrable,
but some of these other guys...
Utah is a total sieve.
What is this right here?
That's not really part of ARPANET.
That's just the new network the National
Science Foundation just rolled out.
Yeah, NSFNET. Steve Wolff's baby.
I went in through Cornell's node.
It's only been live for a couple days.
Could you... could you not do that?
NSFNET's transmission lines
are 10 times faster than
ARPANET theoretically.
- Uh-huh.
- But it keeps crashing.
- I've been bumped off six times
in less than an hour. - What else?
Seriously, Joe, it's just a
bunch of tenure-track slapdicks.
They can't even get their
basic infrastructure right.
They got grants for the national network,
threw a bunch of cash at the local level,
and left the regional
networks in the middle hanging.
- So?
- So there's a huge bottleneck baked in.
There's no room for increased demand.
- So like ARPANET...
- Commercial use is banned.
There could be something here.
It's a lemon.
I've been working on it
for six weeks, I know.
Well, you know.
You've been working on it for six weeks.
General Atomics left a hole in
our balance sheet $3 million deep.
We're hemorrhaging money.
ARPANET will be mothballed soon.
And NSFNET is the future.
That's the story you just told me.
No, Joe. Listen...
Just dig deeper on this.
Indulge me.
That's all for today.
Get some sleep, Ryan. You're
starting to miss things.
- What are you doing here?
- I need to talk to you.
- It's not a good time.
- Now.
Thank you for today.
# Halt & Catch Fire 3x05 #
Yerba Buena
Original Air Date on September 13, 2016
I'm just so excited to
see this little monkey,
I whizzed right past Sonny Bryan's.
Hey, when do babies start talking?
Um, three or four months?
His first words are gonna be barbecue
if I got anything to say about it.
Oh, hey, check this out.
Remember that stewardess,
the one with the legs?
She gave me that for Sam.
Every time I'd go on a
trip when James was young,
I'd get one of these,
pin it to his teddy bear
first thing in the morning
so he'd know I was home.
That's really sweet, Bos.
So what's the plan?
You gonna ship the bike
or are you gonna ride off into the sunset,
catch bugs in your teeth
on the way back to the Bay?
You know, I don't even know if it runs.
I'm kind of playing this all by ear.
Well, they know you're back, don't they?
No.
I'm not gonna give my mom time
to work up some stupid speech.
You'll be glad you did this.
You're doing all right, Cam.
I am so sorry. I thought
Linda would never leave.
She was supposed to pick up the
kids first thing in the morning.
For her, this is first thing.
She was telling me about
this creepy dad at school
that keeps asking her to go
boogie boarding in Capitola.
I think she wants me to be jealous.
Oh, I am not drinking out of that.
Hey, look at this.
Remember that bar we went to
in Independence on our
way to Onion Valley?
The bartender got us so drunk,
we had to sleep in the car.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, where are the propane canisters?
I forgot.
But we can go stop by
Orchard Supply on the way out.
Orchard Supply is not open on the Fourth.
You know, and this
stupid thing is useless.
Hey, I don't mind sleeping
out under the stars.
Yeah, that's what the
rattlesnakes want you to do.
You know, what's the point of even going?
You know, nothing's working.
Well, the kids are gone
and we haven't had one night
alone since we got to California.
We could always, you know,
have a vacation at home.
You know what?
We're staying here.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
I'm gonna defrost the porterhouses.
You can pull out that lacy thing
with the straps that I got you for Easter.
I am changing into sweatpants.
Or sweatpants.
Look at this. We got
the same hair. You see?
- You want to hold him?
- No, no, no, Bos.
- No, my taxi's coming.
- Hold the baby.
Hold the baby, Cameron.
Yeah.
Are you sure we can't
convince you to stay, Cameron?
I see the crib got here in one piece.
Uh, yeah, in a lot of pieces, actually.
Gonna put it together this weekend.
Sam's graduating out of his bassinet.
Already? Precocious little fella.
Look at him. Oh, I almost forgot.
Do you remember when I
used to get these for you?
Yeah, sure do.
Oh, that's me. Okay.
All right, see you first
thing bright and early.
Congratulations. Your baby's really cool.
I got to get going, too.
I can't believe they're
making you work on the Fourth.
Yeah, well, mouths to feed. Work's work.
Oh, I know that kind of work.
I'll be back soon. Just
got to kiss the ring.
All right.
Do you want to talk to
Grampy? Come talk to Grampy.
It's, uh... it's the Fourth of July.
Right. I mean, you didn't
say I had the day off, so...
Ryan, it's the Fourth of July.
So, do you want me to leave?
No.
No, come on in.
Coffee?
Sure.
Kill the computer.
You take it black, right?
Cream, lots of sugar, actually.
Oh, hi, it's me.
I'm here in Dallas.
Um...
yeah, I'm staying at the Motel 6 on...
I actually don't know where.
There's a Midas and a Whataburger.
But, uh, okay.
I'm here.
All right, steaks will be ready in a few.
Mmm.
God.
Unreal.
Do you hear that?
No.
Exactly.
No modems screeching like a dying hamster.
God, she can be so stubborn.
And, you know, you wouldn't
think somebody so punk
would be so conservative
when it comes to business.
Yeah, I was really just
talking about the modem.
But, sure, I get it. It's stressful.
But Cameron's been
great for the most part.
You know, the kids love her.
Of course, I guess that's a mixed bag.
I mean, she makes you better, right?
You know what? I really
don't want to talk about work.
I wasn't talking about work.
Oh, well, I really don't
want to talk about Cameron.
Oh.
Well, what do you want to talk about?
I don't really want to talk at all.
And then we acquired this
company, which was insane
because our payroll
doubled, like, overnight.
Which is fine because that's
what people say you have to do
to be competitive in Silicon
Valley, so that's what we did.
Uh, but, yeah, so the
thing that we acquired,
it's called SwapMeet and it started off...
I know about SwapMeet.
It's pretty hard to miss
'cause I'm still a subscriber.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I actually almost pulled
the trigger on a swap
for this "Centipede" cabinet,
but the shipping from
Winnipeg was ridiculous.
Can I refill for y'all?
I'm... I'm okay, but if you...
Just the check.
Hey, I'm really sorry
that I didn't reach out.
I wanted to write, but I'm...
I'm not very good with words
unless it's, like,
part of a chunk of code.
And honestly, I wasn't sure
if you wanted to hear from me.
- It was good to get your call.
- Yeah.
I mean, I didn't come just to see you.
I came to grab some stuff from my mom.
Well, you're gonna see her.
That's... that's great, right?
Yeah, I mean, she and Len are moving,
so just got to get what I came here for
and then get the hell out.
I don't know, she just...
If I had my way, I wouldn't
have to see her at all, but...
I'm really happy to see you.
Don't. Come on.
I mean, you...
here, why don't you get this
and start working off that
plane ticket that you never used.
I'm kidding. It's just a joke.
I'll get it. It's like
a $3 business expense.
I can write it off. It's fine.
Yeah, okay.
Thanks.
They quit for the holiday
before they finished the new one.
But what do you think?
What's replacing me?
Denture cream.
The lottery.
This city.
I can't decide if it's
beautiful or horrifying.
My mom came out here.
She died here.
Nothing lasts in this place.
The whole city burned down seven times
in the first couple
years of its existence.
Even its name has been reinvented.
You know what San
Francisco used to be called?
Yeah, Yerba Buena.
Look, that's what makes
this city so great.
You can screw up, you can fail,
and so what?
You get another chance.
- It's disposable.
- It's exciting.
'Cause you never know
what the hell's next.
Denture cream.
I'm not sure I've got another next in me.
You should know that.
Oh, my God. I haven't
heard this song in years.
Was that totally hot sex worth
burning the steaks or what?
Oh, God, a billion times yes.
To the best vacation ever.
I love you.
I love, too.
True fact... a banana peel will
shine your shoes like no other.
Saved me a mint in my 20s.
Yeah, I think I've read that somewhere.
Oh, you did, huh? Oh, there he is.
Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey, hi.
I got a little...
got ribs and hoecake for you.
Um, yeah.
And, oh, there's some...
you know, there's some fireworks going
on out there that are pretty incredible.
Shh, shh.
He's in the nursery.
Your dad built the crib.
He's been a huge help.
Even went out for some diapers.
No, no, no. I was gonna build that crib.
Sam will be up in a couple hours.
I'm going to bed.
Well, I think we could all use some sleep.
Yeah. Yeah, okay, Mr. Family Man.
Nobody's blaming you
for being gone, James.
Well, maybe I should have brought
home some pilot wings, huh?
Maybe that would make up for it.
You loved those when you were a kid.
Hell, you had a whole box of them.
Yeah, I had a whole box of them
because Mom was a stewardess.
I just tossed the ones you gave me on top.
You can rewrite history to
impress your 15-year-old boss,
but you don't fool me.
Hey, what's that place
we used to go eat at
down in the South Bay?
Oh, Los Gatos Cafe.
- Yeah.
- Those eggs Benedict.
I'm taking you there tomorrow for brunch.
One last hurrah before the crazies return.
Well, we definitely worked up an appetite.
God, twice in one day.
We should do that more often.
Twice in one week is above average.
We have not had sex
twice in one day since
Gerald Ford was in the office.
- No, that's not true.
- It's totally true.
Pre-kid. Do the math. Carry the one.
Ford.
Oh, my God. We really needed this.
I'm so glad we didn't go camping.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I'm so glad to hear you say that.
Yeah?
I mean, we're not as
young as we used to be.
Yeah.
But, you know, even then
popping a squat behind a tree
and your back kills when you wake up.
No, thank you.
Yeah, but...
you loved all those times at Mt. Tam.
Eh.
What?
Yosemite was freaking awesome.
You know what it is?
It's like that saying about what crazy is.
That you do the same thing a ton of times
and you're like, "This always sucks".
That's insanity.
It's doing the same thing over and
over and expecting a different result.
Yeah. Yes. Camping is insanity.
Oh, God. I am exhausted.
That was cool. Come on,
let's go light another one.
I got more back at my place.
Hey, how much for this jacket?
Look, if you're not gonna eat the
rest of the thing, then I want it.
You know how hard it is to get a halfway
decent breakfast burrito in the Bay Area?
It's a fool's errand. Thank you.
It's funny. It's not where
I pictured you growing up.
I didn't.
No?
Oh, that hombre's back.
He brought cash with him.
You gonna do what you
came here for or what?
Shh, don't.
Cameron, I know the
first 2,000 miles are easy
and the last 20 feet are hard,
but you've come all this
way and now here we are.
Okay.
You owe this to yourself.
And to them.
Come...
He's buying your dad's bike, Cameron.
Fine. Just stop talking, okay?
That's yours. Go get it. Go get it.
Stop it! What the hell are you doing?
People don't make mistakes because
they don't love you, Cameron.
They make mistakes because they do.
Oh, that is such a crock
of shit even from you.
You want me to pick up
the slack for you again?
Great, why should today
be any different, huh?
Would you stop?
Cameron, you didn't come
here just for the bike.
- Come on, now.
- Jesus Christ!
Listen, you might think you're
my father, but you're not, okay?
I know that, God damn it.
No, no, I don't think you do.
Oh, wow.
Oh, hey. Thought I'd get
a jump-start on the day.
Great.
So Los Gatos Cafe?
I'm really jonesing
for that eggs Benedict.
Yeah.
I don't know. The kids will be home soon.
Rain check?
Everything all right?
Yeah.
Everything's fantastic.
I'm gonna go work on the
ham if it's all the same.
Oh.
You know, get some good ham time in.
- Oh, sure.
- Yeah.
There's some leftover pizza
in the fridge if you want some.
Any word from the boss man?
She even coming in? It's already noon.
We're ready to move
ahead. Just say the word.
I have to talk to her first.
There's a petition up
right now on Community.
It's called 1986 BC.
It demands we let users
pay with actual money.
Hundreds of people have already signed.
- It was posted two hours ago.
- Okay, guys.
One user just emailed me
thanking Mutiny for reviving
the "efficiency and modernity
of the barter system".
He signed it Methuselah.
Just wait, okay?
My answer is the same
as it was an hour ago.
Take a knee or whatever.
How was Texas?
Still big. How was camp?
- Didn't go.
- Peaches.
Was the plane delayed?
Got into San Jo' 8:00 A.M. right on time.
I just needed a morning, so I took it.
Okay.
Look, I don't know where she is, Donna.
She didn't even get on the damn plane.
You left her in Texas?
I'm not her keeper, Donna.
And you have no idea where she is?
Kid was at a Motel 6 on I-30.
Beyond that, like I said,
it's one big-ass state.
"Night Princess".
"Spy Hunter".
- "Root Beer Tapper".
- What?
Gordo, ColecoVision games.
Hey, stupid Gordon, your stupid turn.
R to you.
Pass.
Gordo's in a mood.
Hey, Donna.
The guy at the Motel
6 said she checked out.
How long will it take?
We can start beta tests internally today.
Be live in under a week.
Okay, then do it.
And Cameron's okay with that?
Cameron's not here. She'll catch up.
Joe, check this out. Something
weird going on near Ithaca.
Found some code fragments
with the same fingerprint
as IBM, Kodak, Xerox.
Hey, Joe?
Yeah.
You okay?
Okay, I don't know exactly
what we're looking at here,
but the slapdicks have given
way to the big swinging variety
and they're working on something together
called NYSERNET.
That's interesting.
Interesting, yeah,
but it doesn't do much to fill the
money hole you're so worried about.
God, you're doing great work here.
Hello?
- May I speak with Joe MacMillan?
- This is he.
Mr. MacMillan, I'm calling from
the San Francisco City Clinic.
Is this a good time to
discuss your recent visit?
Hold on one second.
We're done for the day.
I'm ready.
Mr. MacMillan, I have the
results of your HIV antibody test.
Since you were in contact...
Hello.
New user sign-ups saw a welcome spike
after we integrated SwapMeet,
but we're fielding too many complaints
about the lack of support
for our monetary transactions.
So tonight we will go live
with the credit card code
that Doug and Craig have
been testing all week.
Look who it is.
It's Cameron. Cameron's back.
When users purchase something,
we charge them for the item and
we add a small transaction fee.
Mail checks to sellers
for the sales price...
What's this?
Well, first of all, welcome back.
I think I speak for all of us
when I say I'm glad you're okay.
I've been working.
We've all been working.
I can see that.
I have a solve for transactions.
We've been in beta on a
credit card interface all week.
Doug and Craig's code?
Yeah, it works great.
Okay, so you just went ahead
and did that without me.
Could you all excuse us?
Cameron and I need the room, please.
Hey, so let me see if I've got this.
So let's say I want to buy a,
I don't know, first
Superman comic for $100.
Mutiny charges my AmEx, adds five bucks.
As a transaction fee.
But AmEx takes three of those
dollars as their transaction fee,
so Mutiny is only making two bucks.
Meanwhile, I'm really
pissed because yesterday
I could have shelled out
100 DBs for that Superman
and today I'm shelling out an
extra five bucks for nothing.
It's not nothing. We're
providing a valuable service.
Oh, spoken like a true middleman.
Okay, so what's your solution?
Routing numbers.
It's how banks move money.
And our subscribers pay by checks, so their
account numbers are already on file.
Okay, you sell me Superman.
Mutiny pulls funds directly from my bank
and deposits them into your account
using our own ABA routing
number as a pipeline.
Oh, and it's basically free because
we don't incur a transaction fee
and we don't charge one either because
our expenses haven't skyrocketed.
But then with your way, we'd need, what,
three people handling
credit card transactions,
a few people to handle
check writing and mailing,
probably an accountant or two.
So that's, what, twelve new hires?
Yeah, that's about right.
Okay, my way adds one person.
One.
I can't believe you.
Right back at you.
We agreed to discuss this when I got back.
We agreed to discuss this on Monday.
It's Friday. Where have you been?
Who cares? I'm here now.
Since when do you make decisions
for my company without consulting me?
God damn it, I tried to consult
you and I couldn't find you.
Oh, my God, this is exactly
what I've been worried about.
What?
Every new person that
walks through that door,
another piece of Mutiny
gets cut away from me.
No, no, no, Donna. Mutiny isn't
just my job, it's who I am.
It's who I am, too.
I couldn't sleep all week.
I could ignore the mountain
of complaints in my in-box,
but I care too much.
I came up with a better solution.
Just because you think you
need to sprinkle your fairy dust
over everything around here before you
feel satisfied doesn't mean it's better.
No, it is better.
Oh, God.
Okay, but that's not the point.
We were in real trouble.
And when I'm in trouble and I look around,
I need to find you there.
We need to have each other's backs.
Sometimes I need to crawl
into a hole just find my head.
I know you're patient with
me even when I drag my feet.
I know I should find my own place to live
and stop imposing on you guys.
And I know that...
that dinner with Doug
and Craig that I missed
that you probably didn't
think we should fire them,
but you went to bat for
me anyways with Diane.
I know that.
I was with Tom, okay? That's where I was.
Yeah, I was wondering.
Still, you should have called.
He said that you're the best
thing that ever happened to me.
And it's true.
And not 'cause he said
it or anything, just...
you anchor me.
So I guess we're like a bank now.
That's pretty cool, huh?
It's a routing number.
We're not giving away
free toasters or anything.
I do have your back, Donna.
I have a weird way of showing it,
but I swear I do.
I have yours.
This and only this is what we focus on.
Okay, yeah, time-out. This is
super cool to me, but only NSFNET?
The yarn you just pulled,
those are the deep pockets.
Exactly.
It's virgin territory.
Wolff created a bottleneck, right?
Yeah, no support for regional
networks. The guy is insane.
The guy is brilliant.
He's sending a signal.
He's like our Gorbachev.
Do you know what Glasnost is?
I want to say either
a vodka or a satellite.
Wolff knows that the only
way his network will grow
is if private money gets in the game.
The problem is that's
against the law for now.
- But...
- But maybe one day it won't be.
And when the rules change,
people are going to flood in.
Average people at home on
their Apple IIe and Amiga
and it's gonna overload the system.
So who breaks the bottleneck?
We are going to create
a regional network right there.
The past... the past
is a bunch of fortresses
all closed off from the rest of the world.
We don't have to build a faster computer
or dream up the next killer application.
That's what you do in a fortress.
We are going to pave a road between them.
And you're going to ask the
board to go deeper in the hole
on something that may never turn a dime?
I don't care what the
board thinks anymore.
Money is just a side effect.
Glasnost.
It means openness.
And it's always a bad idea
to bet against openness.
- Are you hungry?
- I don't know, Joe.
You don't know if you're hungry?
I don't even know what to think anymore.
I try to decipher your sayings,
but then the phone rings and
you boot me to another zip code.
And we still haven't figured
out how to make any money
and I go home every day and I'm spinning
and I don't even know if you like me.
I feel crazy.
You're not going crazy, Ryan.
You're hungry.
Look, I've had a tough week.
Will you join me for dinner?
Okay.
Okay, I'll come to dinner with you.
Sounds nice.
Just take a good look.
That's what's next.
Diane Gould.
Diane, hi. It's Cameron Howe.
Cameron. What's going on?
I had a talk with Donna earlier today
and I wanted to call
and say I know I've been
a little eccentric lately.
Someone once told me that eccentric
is just a fancy word for asshole.
I'm a little eccentric myself.
And you have to be if you want to
make it as a woman in this business.
This routing number thing is really great.
Yeah, okay, I also just wanted to call
and say thanks for, you know,
seeing that Mutiny Exchange wasn't
something we could do on our own
and that it was smart to buy SwapMeet.
And, yes, I don't love Doug and Craig,
but I really totally respect your
decision to keep them at the company.
Like I told Donna,
I'd have paid for them to go
away. Cost of doing business.
But it shows strength that
you decided to make it work.
Look, this call is appreciated,
but it's unnecessary.
It's your company. You don't have
to apologize for any decision.
In the end, you decide.
Cameron?
Uh, yeah. Okay, thanks, Diane.
I've got to go. Bye.
I'm gonna go check on the kids real quick.
"Halt and Catch Fire"...
I don't know what Mom told you,
but I'm not angry at you.
So here's my offer.
You can decide if you
want to be on the 8:45
out of DFW tonight.
What's this?
The log-in credentials for the ARPANET.
I need you to map it
and help me figure out what's next.
Were you born this way,
or did some ex-boyfriend
turn you into a man hating bitch?
I think we should fire them.
If working with Doug
and Craig is untenable,
Mutiny can send 'em home.
I told Dianne you want to fire them.
- And?
- She said "No".
- "Dodge 'Em".
- "Missile Command".
- "Dig Dug".
- "Grand Prix", suckers.
- Ah!
- Oh!
Gordon, X to you. Atari 2600 games.
Has to start with the last
letter of the previous answer.
Uh, "Xenophobe".
Whoa!
Wait, wait, there's seriously
a game called "Xenophobe"?
Yeah, but you're just being
intolerant to aliens, so it's cool.
All right, guys, any updates on the bug
we've been having with
the swap confirmations?
Overhauled and working great.
That's it, ChernobylBoy
is going to the stocks.
- Happy Fourth of July, asswipe.
- Yeah.
Some fifth grader reneged on a swap
for a "Close Encounters" lunch pail.
We're revoking trading
privileges for repeat offenders.
It's all internal for now, but we're
working on putting this into here.
Show him the guillotine.
But are you dead in Mutiny?
I mean, are we cancelling
people's subscriptions?
You just wander around without a head
and that lets people know this
guy without a head is a total dick.
Don't swap with this headless dickwad.
Can we get some blood
spurting out of the neck hole?
- God, how did we not think of that?
- Put that in, dude! Yes.
All right, we got to solve
for the Sev 1 cache miss bug
in the out-of-region swap routine?
Tests today, ships tomorrow.
- You sure?
- Gordo, relax.
SwapMeet's righteous. The
only thing that's sideways
is people keep ignoring
the no buying stuff rule.
A lot of people are trading for DBs.
- DBs?
- Dollar bills.
We could technically monitor every
trade to make sure it doesn't happen.
I can't help you there.
That's way above my pay grade.
So people are buying shit for money.
So what? We knew this would happen.
It's clunky. Our users want
an easy way to buy things
and they're frustrated it doesn't exist.
Our users want the Police
to get back together,
but Sting's not interested.
Doug and Craig said they
can spend the weekend
integrating their code for
credit card transactions.
- No. - They were already in beta
with it when we acquired them.
It's basically ready to go.
Because they yanked it off the shelf.
It's boilerplate code supplied
by the credit card company.
They just gave it a little shine job.
We don't need the perfect solution.
If we have to temp something in now
and customize it later, fine.
A Band-Aid is better
than bleeding to death.
Bleeding to death?
Donna, SwapMeet has doubled in size
every week since we went live.
You're just scared of slowing down.
I don't want to slow our growth.
And you keep acting like
accepting credit cards
is some devil's bargain.
They make people's lives
easier. That's the whole point.
Okay, Mutiny is a castle.
You and I built it and then we
gave a little piece to Diane.
And then a little piece
to freakin' Doug and Craig.
But making deals with credit card companies
is just lowering the drawbridge.
What good is a castle if
nobody's in the kingdom?
It doubles in size every week, okay?
There is a fix for this, I promise.
I just... I don't know what it is yet.
- Hey, Cam, are you down there?
- Yeah, Bos.
Cam, I'm gonna pick you up tomorrow
at 6:00 A.M. sharp, all right?
We got to get to the
terminal a little bit early.
They always give me shit
about the rods in my tailbone.
Okay.
When we moved here, we
knew that there'd be times
that we'd have to adapt quickly.
This is one of those times.
Donna, we're all alone, okay?
There's no other company
that's even attempting
to do what SwapMeet is doing.
I don't want to rush in and
just screw it up all at once.
Can we talk about it
when I get back Monday?
- We're not gonna screw anything...
- Monday.
Have a nice trip.
Stanford's over here
right next to Moffett.
Over here is jackboot
central. DoD, NORAD, the NSA.
And I printed out all the directories
for every mainframe on the network.
And we can leverage some of
the weak access points I found.
Now, the Pentagon is nearly impenetrable,
but some of these other guys...
Utah is a total sieve.
What is this right here?
That's not really part of ARPANET.
That's just the new network the National
Science Foundation just rolled out.
Yeah, NSFNET. Steve Wolff's baby.
I went in through Cornell's node.
It's only been live for a couple days.
Could you... could you not do that?
NSFNET's transmission lines
are 10 times faster than
ARPANET theoretically.
- Uh-huh.
- But it keeps crashing.
- I've been bumped off six times
in less than an hour. - What else?
Seriously, Joe, it's just a
bunch of tenure-track slapdicks.
They can't even get their
basic infrastructure right.
They got grants for the national network,
threw a bunch of cash at the local level,
and left the regional
networks in the middle hanging.
- So?
- So there's a huge bottleneck baked in.
There's no room for increased demand.
- So like ARPANET...
- Commercial use is banned.
There could be something here.
It's a lemon.
I've been working on it
for six weeks, I know.
Well, you know.
You've been working on it for six weeks.
General Atomics left a hole in
our balance sheet $3 million deep.
We're hemorrhaging money.
ARPANET will be mothballed soon.
And NSFNET is the future.
That's the story you just told me.
No, Joe. Listen...
Just dig deeper on this.
Indulge me.
That's all for today.
Get some sleep, Ryan. You're
starting to miss things.
- What are you doing here?
- I need to talk to you.
- It's not a good time.
- Now.
Thank you for today.
# Halt & Catch Fire 3x05 #
Yerba Buena
Original Air Date on September 13, 2016
I'm just so excited to
see this little monkey,
I whizzed right past Sonny Bryan's.
Hey, when do babies start talking?
Um, three or four months?
His first words are gonna be barbecue
if I got anything to say about it.
Oh, hey, check this out.
Remember that stewardess,
the one with the legs?
She gave me that for Sam.
Every time I'd go on a
trip when James was young,
I'd get one of these,
pin it to his teddy bear
first thing in the morning
so he'd know I was home.
That's really sweet, Bos.
So what's the plan?
You gonna ship the bike
or are you gonna ride off into the sunset,
catch bugs in your teeth
on the way back to the Bay?
You know, I don't even know if it runs.
I'm kind of playing this all by ear.
Well, they know you're back, don't they?
No.
I'm not gonna give my mom time
to work up some stupid speech.
You'll be glad you did this.
You're doing all right, Cam.
I am so sorry. I thought
Linda would never leave.
She was supposed to pick up the
kids first thing in the morning.
For her, this is first thing.
She was telling me about
this creepy dad at school
that keeps asking her to go
boogie boarding in Capitola.
I think she wants me to be jealous.
Oh, I am not drinking out of that.
Hey, look at this.
Remember that bar we went to
in Independence on our
way to Onion Valley?
The bartender got us so drunk,
we had to sleep in the car.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, where are the propane canisters?
I forgot.
But we can go stop by
Orchard Supply on the way out.
Orchard Supply is not open on the Fourth.
You know, and this
stupid thing is useless.
Hey, I don't mind sleeping
out under the stars.
Yeah, that's what the
rattlesnakes want you to do.
You know, what's the point of even going?
You know, nothing's working.
Well, the kids are gone
and we haven't had one night
alone since we got to California.
We could always, you know,
have a vacation at home.
You know what?
We're staying here.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
I'm gonna defrost the porterhouses.
You can pull out that lacy thing
with the straps that I got you for Easter.
I am changing into sweatpants.
Or sweatpants.
Look at this. We got
the same hair. You see?
- You want to hold him?
- No, no, no, Bos.
- No, my taxi's coming.
- Hold the baby.
Hold the baby, Cameron.
Yeah.
Are you sure we can't
convince you to stay, Cameron?
I see the crib got here in one piece.
Uh, yeah, in a lot of pieces, actually.
Gonna put it together this weekend.
Sam's graduating out of his bassinet.
Already? Precocious little fella.
Look at him. Oh, I almost forgot.
Do you remember when I
used to get these for you?
Yeah, sure do.
Oh, that's me. Okay.
All right, see you first
thing bright and early.
Congratulations. Your baby's really cool.
I got to get going, too.
I can't believe they're
making you work on the Fourth.
Yeah, well, mouths to feed. Work's work.
Oh, I know that kind of work.
I'll be back soon. Just
got to kiss the ring.
All right.
Do you want to talk to
Grampy? Come talk to Grampy.
It's, uh... it's the Fourth of July.
Right. I mean, you didn't
say I had the day off, so...
Ryan, it's the Fourth of July.
So, do you want me to leave?
No.
No, come on in.
Coffee?
Sure.
Kill the computer.
You take it black, right?
Cream, lots of sugar, actually.
Oh, hi, it's me.
I'm here in Dallas.
Um...
yeah, I'm staying at the Motel 6 on...
I actually don't know where.
There's a Midas and a Whataburger.
But, uh, okay.
I'm here.
All right, steaks will be ready in a few.
Mmm.
God.
Unreal.
Do you hear that?
No.
Exactly.
No modems screeching like a dying hamster.
God, she can be so stubborn.
And, you know, you wouldn't
think somebody so punk
would be so conservative
when it comes to business.
Yeah, I was really just
talking about the modem.
But, sure, I get it. It's stressful.
But Cameron's been
great for the most part.
You know, the kids love her.
Of course, I guess that's a mixed bag.
I mean, she makes you better, right?
You know what? I really
don't want to talk about work.
I wasn't talking about work.
Oh, well, I really don't
want to talk about Cameron.
Oh.
Well, what do you want to talk about?
I don't really want to talk at all.
And then we acquired this
company, which was insane
because our payroll
doubled, like, overnight.
Which is fine because that's
what people say you have to do
to be competitive in Silicon
Valley, so that's what we did.
Uh, but, yeah, so the
thing that we acquired,
it's called SwapMeet and it started off...
I know about SwapMeet.
It's pretty hard to miss
'cause I'm still a subscriber.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I actually almost pulled
the trigger on a swap
for this "Centipede" cabinet,
but the shipping from
Winnipeg was ridiculous.
Can I refill for y'all?
I'm... I'm okay, but if you...
Just the check.
Hey, I'm really sorry
that I didn't reach out.
I wanted to write, but I'm...
I'm not very good with words
unless it's, like,
part of a chunk of code.
And honestly, I wasn't sure
if you wanted to hear from me.
- It was good to get your call.
- Yeah.
I mean, I didn't come just to see you.
I came to grab some stuff from my mom.
Well, you're gonna see her.
That's... that's great, right?
Yeah, I mean, she and Len are moving,
so just got to get what I came here for
and then get the hell out.
I don't know, she just...
If I had my way, I wouldn't
have to see her at all, but...
I'm really happy to see you.
Don't. Come on.
I mean, you...
here, why don't you get this
and start working off that
plane ticket that you never used.
I'm kidding. It's just a joke.
I'll get it. It's like
a $3 business expense.
I can write it off. It's fine.
Yeah, okay.
Thanks.
They quit for the holiday
before they finished the new one.
But what do you think?
What's replacing me?
Denture cream.
The lottery.
This city.
I can't decide if it's
beautiful or horrifying.
My mom came out here.
She died here.
Nothing lasts in this place.
The whole city burned down seven times
in the first couple
years of its existence.
Even its name has been reinvented.
You know what San
Francisco used to be called?
Yeah, Yerba Buena.
Look, that's what makes
this city so great.
You can screw up, you can fail,
and so what?
You get another chance.
- It's disposable.
- It's exciting.
'Cause you never know
what the hell's next.
Denture cream.
I'm not sure I've got another next in me.
You should know that.
Oh, my God. I haven't
heard this song in years.
Was that totally hot sex worth
burning the steaks or what?
Oh, God, a billion times yes.
To the best vacation ever.
I love you.
I love, too.
True fact... a banana peel will
shine your shoes like no other.
Saved me a mint in my 20s.
Yeah, I think I've read that somewhere.
Oh, you did, huh? Oh, there he is.
Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey, hi.
I got a little...
got ribs and hoecake for you.
Um, yeah.
And, oh, there's some...
you know, there's some fireworks going
on out there that are pretty incredible.
Shh, shh.
He's in the nursery.
Your dad built the crib.
He's been a huge help.
Even went out for some diapers.
No, no, no. I was gonna build that crib.
Sam will be up in a couple hours.
I'm going to bed.
Well, I think we could all use some sleep.
Yeah. Yeah, okay, Mr. Family Man.
Nobody's blaming you
for being gone, James.
Well, maybe I should have brought
home some pilot wings, huh?
Maybe that would make up for it.
You loved those when you were a kid.
Hell, you had a whole box of them.
Yeah, I had a whole box of them
because Mom was a stewardess.
I just tossed the ones you gave me on top.
You can rewrite history to
impress your 15-year-old boss,
but you don't fool me.
Hey, what's that place
we used to go eat at
down in the South Bay?
Oh, Los Gatos Cafe.
- Yeah.
- Those eggs Benedict.
I'm taking you there tomorrow for brunch.
One last hurrah before the crazies return.
Well, we definitely worked up an appetite.
God, twice in one day.
We should do that more often.
Twice in one week is above average.
We have not had sex
twice in one day since
Gerald Ford was in the office.
- No, that's not true.
- It's totally true.
Pre-kid. Do the math. Carry the one.
Ford.
Oh, my God. We really needed this.
I'm so glad we didn't go camping.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I'm so glad to hear you say that.
Yeah?
I mean, we're not as
young as we used to be.
Yeah.
But, you know, even then
popping a squat behind a tree
and your back kills when you wake up.
No, thank you.
Yeah, but...
you loved all those times at Mt. Tam.
Eh.
What?
Yosemite was freaking awesome.
You know what it is?
It's like that saying about what crazy is.
That you do the same thing a ton of times
and you're like, "This always sucks".
That's insanity.
It's doing the same thing over and
over and expecting a different result.
Yeah. Yes. Camping is insanity.
Oh, God. I am exhausted.
That was cool. Come on,
let's go light another one.
I got more back at my place.
Hey, how much for this jacket?
Look, if you're not gonna eat the
rest of the thing, then I want it.
You know how hard it is to get a halfway
decent breakfast burrito in the Bay Area?
It's a fool's errand. Thank you.
It's funny. It's not where
I pictured you growing up.
I didn't.
No?
Oh, that hombre's back.
He brought cash with him.
You gonna do what you
came here for or what?
Shh, don't.
Cameron, I know the
first 2,000 miles are easy
and the last 20 feet are hard,
but you've come all this
way and now here we are.
Okay.
You owe this to yourself.
And to them.
Come...
He's buying your dad's bike, Cameron.
Fine. Just stop talking, okay?
That's yours. Go get it. Go get it.
Stop it! What the hell are you doing?
People don't make mistakes because
they don't love you, Cameron.
They make mistakes because they do.
Oh, that is such a crock
of shit even from you.
You want me to pick up
the slack for you again?
Great, why should today
be any different, huh?
Would you stop?
Cameron, you didn't come
here just for the bike.
- Come on, now.
- Jesus Christ!
Listen, you might think you're
my father, but you're not, okay?
I know that, God damn it.
No, no, I don't think you do.
Oh, wow.
Oh, hey. Thought I'd get
a jump-start on the day.
Great.
So Los Gatos Cafe?
I'm really jonesing
for that eggs Benedict.
Yeah.
I don't know. The kids will be home soon.
Rain check?
Everything all right?
Yeah.
Everything's fantastic.
I'm gonna go work on the
ham if it's all the same.
Oh.
You know, get some good ham time in.
- Oh, sure.
- Yeah.
There's some leftover pizza
in the fridge if you want some.
Any word from the boss man?
She even coming in? It's already noon.
We're ready to move
ahead. Just say the word.
I have to talk to her first.
There's a petition up
right now on Community.
It's called 1986 BC.
It demands we let users
pay with actual money.
Hundreds of people have already signed.
- It was posted two hours ago.
- Okay, guys.
One user just emailed me
thanking Mutiny for reviving
the "efficiency and modernity
of the barter system".
He signed it Methuselah.
Just wait, okay?
My answer is the same
as it was an hour ago.
Take a knee or whatever.
How was Texas?
Still big. How was camp?
- Didn't go.
- Peaches.
Was the plane delayed?
Got into San Jo' 8:00 A.M. right on time.
I just needed a morning, so I took it.
Okay.
Look, I don't know where she is, Donna.
She didn't even get on the damn plane.
You left her in Texas?
I'm not her keeper, Donna.
And you have no idea where she is?
Kid was at a Motel 6 on I-30.
Beyond that, like I said,
it's one big-ass state.
"Night Princess".
"Spy Hunter".
- "Root Beer Tapper".
- What?
Gordo, ColecoVision games.
Hey, stupid Gordon, your stupid turn.
R to you.
Pass.
Gordo's in a mood.
Hey, Donna.
The guy at the Motel
6 said she checked out.
How long will it take?
We can start beta tests internally today.
Be live in under a week.
Okay, then do it.
And Cameron's okay with that?
Cameron's not here. She'll catch up.
Joe, check this out. Something
weird going on near Ithaca.
Found some code fragments
with the same fingerprint
as IBM, Kodak, Xerox.
Hey, Joe?
Yeah.
You okay?
Okay, I don't know exactly
what we're looking at here,
but the slapdicks have given
way to the big swinging variety
and they're working on something together
called NYSERNET.
That's interesting.
Interesting, yeah,
but it doesn't do much to fill the
money hole you're so worried about.
God, you're doing great work here.
Hello?
- May I speak with Joe MacMillan?
- This is he.
Mr. MacMillan, I'm calling from
the San Francisco City Clinic.
Is this a good time to
discuss your recent visit?
Hold on one second.
We're done for the day.
I'm ready.
Mr. MacMillan, I have the
results of your HIV antibody test.
Since you were in contact...
Hello.
New user sign-ups saw a welcome spike
after we integrated SwapMeet,
but we're fielding too many complaints
about the lack of support
for our monetary transactions.
So tonight we will go live
with the credit card code
that Doug and Craig have
been testing all week.
Look who it is.
It's Cameron. Cameron's back.
When users purchase something,
we charge them for the item and
we add a small transaction fee.
Mail checks to sellers
for the sales price...
What's this?
Well, first of all, welcome back.
I think I speak for all of us
when I say I'm glad you're okay.
I've been working.
We've all been working.
I can see that.
I have a solve for transactions.
We've been in beta on a
credit card interface all week.
Doug and Craig's code?
Yeah, it works great.
Okay, so you just went ahead
and did that without me.
Could you all excuse us?
Cameron and I need the room, please.
Hey, so let me see if I've got this.
So let's say I want to buy a,
I don't know, first
Superman comic for $100.
Mutiny charges my AmEx, adds five bucks.
As a transaction fee.
But AmEx takes three of those
dollars as their transaction fee,
so Mutiny is only making two bucks.
Meanwhile, I'm really
pissed because yesterday
I could have shelled out
100 DBs for that Superman
and today I'm shelling out an
extra five bucks for nothing.
It's not nothing. We're
providing a valuable service.
Oh, spoken like a true middleman.
Okay, so what's your solution?
Routing numbers.
It's how banks move money.
And our subscribers pay by checks, so their
account numbers are already on file.
Okay, you sell me Superman.
Mutiny pulls funds directly from my bank
and deposits them into your account
using our own ABA routing
number as a pipeline.
Oh, and it's basically free because
we don't incur a transaction fee
and we don't charge one either because
our expenses haven't skyrocketed.
But then with your way, we'd need, what,
three people handling
credit card transactions,
a few people to handle
check writing and mailing,
probably an accountant or two.
So that's, what, twelve new hires?
Yeah, that's about right.
Okay, my way adds one person.
One.
I can't believe you.
Right back at you.
We agreed to discuss this when I got back.
We agreed to discuss this on Monday.
It's Friday. Where have you been?
Who cares? I'm here now.
Since when do you make decisions
for my company without consulting me?
God damn it, I tried to consult
you and I couldn't find you.
Oh, my God, this is exactly
what I've been worried about.
What?
Every new person that
walks through that door,
another piece of Mutiny
gets cut away from me.
No, no, no, Donna. Mutiny isn't
just my job, it's who I am.
It's who I am, too.
I couldn't sleep all week.
I could ignore the mountain
of complaints in my in-box,
but I care too much.
I came up with a better solution.
Just because you think you
need to sprinkle your fairy dust
over everything around here before you
feel satisfied doesn't mean it's better.
No, it is better.
Oh, God.
Okay, but that's not the point.
We were in real trouble.
And when I'm in trouble and I look around,
I need to find you there.
We need to have each other's backs.
Sometimes I need to crawl
into a hole just find my head.
I know you're patient with
me even when I drag my feet.
I know I should find my own place to live
and stop imposing on you guys.
And I know that...
that dinner with Doug
and Craig that I missed
that you probably didn't
think we should fire them,
but you went to bat for
me anyways with Diane.
I know that.
I was with Tom, okay? That's where I was.
Yeah, I was wondering.
Still, you should have called.
He said that you're the best
thing that ever happened to me.
And it's true.
And not 'cause he said
it or anything, just...
you anchor me.
So I guess we're like a bank now.
That's pretty cool, huh?
It's a routing number.
We're not giving away
free toasters or anything.
I do have your back, Donna.
I have a weird way of showing it,
but I swear I do.
I have yours.
This and only this is what we focus on.
Okay, yeah, time-out. This is
super cool to me, but only NSFNET?
The yarn you just pulled,
those are the deep pockets.
Exactly.
It's virgin territory.
Wolff created a bottleneck, right?
Yeah, no support for regional
networks. The guy is insane.
The guy is brilliant.
He's sending a signal.
He's like our Gorbachev.
Do you know what Glasnost is?
I want to say either
a vodka or a satellite.
Wolff knows that the only
way his network will grow
is if private money gets in the game.
The problem is that's
against the law for now.
- But...
- But maybe one day it won't be.
And when the rules change,
people are going to flood in.
Average people at home on
their Apple IIe and Amiga
and it's gonna overload the system.
So who breaks the bottleneck?
We are going to create
a regional network right there.
The past... the past
is a bunch of fortresses
all closed off from the rest of the world.
We don't have to build a faster computer
or dream up the next killer application.
That's what you do in a fortress.
We are going to pave a road between them.
And you're going to ask the
board to go deeper in the hole
on something that may never turn a dime?
I don't care what the
board thinks anymore.
Money is just a side effect.
Glasnost.
It means openness.
And it's always a bad idea
to bet against openness.
- Are you hungry?
- I don't know, Joe.
You don't know if you're hungry?
I don't even know what to think anymore.
I try to decipher your sayings,
but then the phone rings and
you boot me to another zip code.
And we still haven't figured
out how to make any money
and I go home every day and I'm spinning
and I don't even know if you like me.
I feel crazy.
You're not going crazy, Ryan.
You're hungry.
Look, I've had a tough week.
Will you join me for dinner?
Okay.
Okay, I'll come to dinner with you.
Sounds nice.
Just take a good look.
That's what's next.
Diane Gould.
Diane, hi. It's Cameron Howe.
Cameron. What's going on?
I had a talk with Donna earlier today
and I wanted to call
and say I know I've been
a little eccentric lately.
Someone once told me that eccentric
is just a fancy word for asshole.
I'm a little eccentric myself.
And you have to be if you want to
make it as a woman in this business.
This routing number thing is really great.
Yeah, okay, I also just wanted to call
and say thanks for, you know,
seeing that Mutiny Exchange wasn't
something we could do on our own
and that it was smart to buy SwapMeet.
And, yes, I don't love Doug and Craig,
but I really totally respect your
decision to keep them at the company.
Like I told Donna,
I'd have paid for them to go
away. Cost of doing business.
But it shows strength that
you decided to make it work.
Look, this call is appreciated,
but it's unnecessary.
It's your company. You don't have
to apologize for any decision.
In the end, you decide.
Cameron?
Uh, yeah. Okay, thanks, Diane.
I've got to go. Bye.
I'm gonna go check on the kids real quick.