Halfway Across the Galaxy and Turn Left (1993–…): Season 1, Episode 21 - Illegal Aliens - full transcript
I was thinking about my mother's trip and didn't notice Qwrk and Dovis.
They wanted to go into show biz.
Find crazy things and people go home happy.
They'd come back in their worst clothes.
You're not going!
Come on, let's go!
The mega-team made an impression, so they got jobs right away.
They were on their way, but the contract was a sham.
I guess you're happy now, X.
I'm doing it for the family.
Then came the day my mother was going to Paris.
Lox dropped her off on her way to Zyrgon.
After all we'd been through, the family was getting a divorce.
It breaks my heart.
X, take it easy. It happened so fast, nobody noticed.
Lox's space rocket lit up the whole sky.
It didn't look like a plane.
You're worrying for nothing.
I bet nobody noticed.
Trust me.
It looked like a saucer!
With fire from underneath.
I've never seen anything like it.
That was awesome.
Can I owe you a million?
Charlotte, did you see that flying saucer yesterday?
-Did you say it in close quarters?
-No, I didn't.
No, we didn't see anything.
You must have imagined it.
Was I imagining this, too?
It's been ringing in.
Did you see the flying saucer?
I heard something about a strange light.
It was a UFO. Look at this!
It could be anything.
-No, it's a UFO.
-There's a logical explanation.
They were talking about a spaceship in Paris on TV and Charlotte's mother was?
What happened?
Miss Harrou said, "It could be anything."
-The blind men.
-We have to do something.
This used to be a respectable area. They didn't allow that sort of thing.
We'd run them out of town.
It's an outrage!
Now for the "Good Neighbours" project.
The Immigration Service is encouraging concerned residents...
...to report people they think are out of order.
You can protect the country from strangers.
Where the Good Neighbours line is open now, call 009 576.
So 009 576, our happy operators will take your call.
-Mr. Jackson?
-Good morning?
Dabney Digby; Immigration.
-Sit down.
-Thank you, sir.
-A croissant?
-No.
-Has the animal been quarantined?
-Quarantine?
You're new to the country?
Yes... so you might say.
I'd like to see your passports.
Do you have them available?
Passports?
Unfortunately, they've been lost...
...because they were bleached... in the wash.
I see. Do you have a personal or marriage certificate?
They were in the wash too.
Tenancy agreement?
Life insurance?
Tax records?
Yes! I think it starts with seven.
That's not much to go on.
When did you arrive in the country?
It was on the fourth day, in the fifth month, this year.
Excellent, that solves the problem.
I'll just type it into the mainframe and I'll get all the facts.
-X! I have the solution.
-What?
We put false data into the computer
They don't like 8-year-olds working on their computers.
With hacking and modems.
Where did you learn to talk like that?
It's using someone's computer without them knowing it.
I need the solar calculator, the computer and a screen.
-You're a genius.
-Isn't that good?
It's hopeless to catch them.
They're too smart.
Good thing you didn't refuse to kiss me because you were disgusted.
It was fear of microbiologically transmitted infection.
I'm glad you understand.
From now on, every relationship should be germ-free.
You're wonderful, David.
-Shall we compose sonnets later?
-Yes, we are.
I think the greatest beauty is hidden.
What we see is not always a reflection of our inner selves.
So it is with you.
We should seek love in a new kind of setting, perhaps Bellwood Lake.
What a wonderfully enriching idea, David.
When I hear a sublime sonnet, I feel like I'm walking on clouds.
It doesn't look very inspiring.
We poets must look beneath the surface.
Oh, Bellwood Lake
Your dirty, green surface
Where your true self rests
But the beauty does not drown
O, Bellwood Lake rise and shine
Free yourself from earthly scourge Stretch your wings to a rich...
Poor thing, we must save it.
Let me handle this.
Proof, at last!
Daddy! Daddy!
Look, I told you they were from Mars.
Yes! They're sick!
Sick! I knew they were sick.
Hi, guys. Dad's not home, Mr...
Digby. I checked your arrival date but nothing came up on the screen.
I hate to tell you this, but you don't seem to be a citizen.
-May I come in?
-Oh, yes, of course.
-X! Charlotte, I have to say something.
-Later!
-No, now.
-Later!
Please sit. What did you say now?
There's nothing about your family in the computer.
No, Dad's going to call you.
There's a natural explanation.
I'm more than willing to hear it.
-The thing is...
-Yes?
The date, yes!
The date I mentioned is wrong.
I said 4/5, but it was 5/4.
I see... Yes, dear.
I'll have to check you again.
-I've wasted a day.
-I'm sorry.
-Charlotte! It's important.
-Later.
Yeah, see kids.
Goodbye, thank you for coming.
-Can we talk now?
-You're only thinking of yourself.
-Qwrk, progress report?
-It won't be that sophisticated.
But with the Stone Age technology that's roiling here, we should be OK.
I wasn't expecting that. Dictionary!
Abbe... This could take a while.
-X!
-What's so important?
Forget it, I'd better take a rain check.
-Poor little Qwrk.
-Write a note to Miss Payne.
Qwrk father stay here and do some hacking.
Listen up, all you girls!
Charlotte and Astrella Jackson.
Come to my office immediately.
Come on in.
I have a photograph taken by Dallas Hohenhaus.
Is it? It could be anything.
A cloud, maybe.
Really?
Astrella, I want an explanation.
I really want to sort this out.
I will not tolerate talk of witches and U.F.Os.
-But let's get her on the water.
-Don't interrupt, Michelle Froggatt.
Astrella, do you have anything to say about this? No?
Everything has a natural explanation, of course, and I'll get it...
...when I meet you at the lake in 10 minutes. You can go.
-This is bad.
-It's very bad.
-What are we going to do?
-It's really bad.
-You can change things with your mind, can't you?
-Yes, I can.
Of course.
Nothing! I can't do it.
I guess your powers have gone down.
Yes, but now of all times.
What if I help?
-It can't hurt.
-Try it.
-Oh, dear!
-They're getting duskier.
And now the Rolands are too.
That's enough!
The game is over.
Charlotte, I'm here. Fa see now.
-What's the matter? Are you worried?
-Shut up.
I'll tell you.
-It's not black at all.
-But... how? How then?
There's a log under the surface.
Don't you know that?
-A log? Since when?
-Since it fell in, silly.
I knew there was an explanation.
Wait, of course she can.
She's from Mars too.
Michelle and Dallas, I'm not wasting any more time on maladjusted students.
Come to my office after school.
But it's a trick! It must be...
Come see for yourself.
Michelle, it's real.
A log!
-That's funny!
-That's fantastic!
Did you see Michelle's face when she fell?
I barely saw it.
Haja...Hacking!
Oh, my God, Qwrk's still on.
Haven't you figured out the code yet?
It's too late now.
Immigration will be here soon.
-Yeah, but I...
-X, come quick!
Look, I think we have to escape.
Refugees again, no home, always on the run...
-Frogatt, I'm very unhappy.
-Mr Dimby!
I've spent three days on your tip, which turned out to be a fake.
But, Mr Dabbly, it's wrong.
The mistake has been made by you.
I checked Jackson's arrival date and all the facts came up.
You've wasted my precious time.
Time that should have been spent chasing bad guys.
But my daughter told them to go to the water for the name.
And he washes his car with water!
I also came for another reason.
In the records, I found ambiguities concerning the Froggatts.
Certain details about your great-grandfather's immigration.
No official records of your citizenship and so on.
-It's been so long.
-The work never forgets, Mr Froggatt.
Hundreds of years are like minutes there.
I'll ask you to come to my office on Monday.
I can only say how very sorry I am.
-Don't think about it, Danby.
-Digby.
And may I say it's been an honour to meet the offspring of...
...the great genius Albert Einstein.
-A distant relative.
-Yes, but a relative.
I didn't know such a famous family lived here.
-Goodbye.
-Goodbye.
We did it!
The Jacksons and Rolands are challenging the world.
But it was close.
Easy, I got in in ten minutes.
You stayed home, didn't you?
Yeah, I'm going to my room.
What's he been up to?
If it only took half an hour, what have you been up to?
-I've been playing a lazy game.
-You did?
When I finished the details, I looked at the memory bank.
I found a computer game called Space Aliens.
Space Aliens? Let's see!
Look.
-May I try?
-No, you can't.
They wanted to go into show biz.
Find crazy things and people go home happy.
They'd come back in their worst clothes.
You're not going!
Come on, let's go!
The mega-team made an impression, so they got jobs right away.
They were on their way, but the contract was a sham.
I guess you're happy now, X.
I'm doing it for the family.
Then came the day my mother was going to Paris.
Lox dropped her off on her way to Zyrgon.
After all we'd been through, the family was getting a divorce.
It breaks my heart.
X, take it easy. It happened so fast, nobody noticed.
Lox's space rocket lit up the whole sky.
It didn't look like a plane.
You're worrying for nothing.
I bet nobody noticed.
Trust me.
It looked like a saucer!
With fire from underneath.
I've never seen anything like it.
That was awesome.
Can I owe you a million?
Charlotte, did you see that flying saucer yesterday?
-Did you say it in close quarters?
-No, I didn't.
No, we didn't see anything.
You must have imagined it.
Was I imagining this, too?
It's been ringing in.
Did you see the flying saucer?
I heard something about a strange light.
It was a UFO. Look at this!
It could be anything.
-No, it's a UFO.
-There's a logical explanation.
They were talking about a spaceship in Paris on TV and Charlotte's mother was?
What happened?
Miss Harrou said, "It could be anything."
-The blind men.
-We have to do something.
This used to be a respectable area. They didn't allow that sort of thing.
We'd run them out of town.
It's an outrage!
Now for the "Good Neighbours" project.
The Immigration Service is encouraging concerned residents...
...to report people they think are out of order.
You can protect the country from strangers.
Where the Good Neighbours line is open now, call 009 576.
So 009 576, our happy operators will take your call.
-Mr. Jackson?
-Good morning?
Dabney Digby; Immigration.
-Sit down.
-Thank you, sir.
-A croissant?
-No.
-Has the animal been quarantined?
-Quarantine?
You're new to the country?
Yes... so you might say.
I'd like to see your passports.
Do you have them available?
Passports?
Unfortunately, they've been lost...
...because they were bleached... in the wash.
I see. Do you have a personal or marriage certificate?
They were in the wash too.
Tenancy agreement?
Life insurance?
Tax records?
Yes! I think it starts with seven.
That's not much to go on.
When did you arrive in the country?
It was on the fourth day, in the fifth month, this year.
Excellent, that solves the problem.
I'll just type it into the mainframe and I'll get all the facts.
-X! I have the solution.
-What?
We put false data into the computer
They don't like 8-year-olds working on their computers.
With hacking and modems.
Where did you learn to talk like that?
It's using someone's computer without them knowing it.
I need the solar calculator, the computer and a screen.
-You're a genius.
-Isn't that good?
It's hopeless to catch them.
They're too smart.
Good thing you didn't refuse to kiss me because you were disgusted.
It was fear of microbiologically transmitted infection.
I'm glad you understand.
From now on, every relationship should be germ-free.
You're wonderful, David.
-Shall we compose sonnets later?
-Yes, we are.
I think the greatest beauty is hidden.
What we see is not always a reflection of our inner selves.
So it is with you.
We should seek love in a new kind of setting, perhaps Bellwood Lake.
What a wonderfully enriching idea, David.
When I hear a sublime sonnet, I feel like I'm walking on clouds.
It doesn't look very inspiring.
We poets must look beneath the surface.
Oh, Bellwood Lake
Your dirty, green surface
Where your true self rests
But the beauty does not drown
O, Bellwood Lake rise and shine
Free yourself from earthly scourge Stretch your wings to a rich...
Poor thing, we must save it.
Let me handle this.
Proof, at last!
Daddy! Daddy!
Look, I told you they were from Mars.
Yes! They're sick!
Sick! I knew they were sick.
Hi, guys. Dad's not home, Mr...
Digby. I checked your arrival date but nothing came up on the screen.
I hate to tell you this, but you don't seem to be a citizen.
-May I come in?
-Oh, yes, of course.
-X! Charlotte, I have to say something.
-Later!
-No, now.
-Later!
Please sit. What did you say now?
There's nothing about your family in the computer.
No, Dad's going to call you.
There's a natural explanation.
I'm more than willing to hear it.
-The thing is...
-Yes?
The date, yes!
The date I mentioned is wrong.
I said 4/5, but it was 5/4.
I see... Yes, dear.
I'll have to check you again.
-I've wasted a day.
-I'm sorry.
-Charlotte! It's important.
-Later.
Yeah, see kids.
Goodbye, thank you for coming.
-Can we talk now?
-You're only thinking of yourself.
-Qwrk, progress report?
-It won't be that sophisticated.
But with the Stone Age technology that's roiling here, we should be OK.
I wasn't expecting that. Dictionary!
Abbe... This could take a while.
-X!
-What's so important?
Forget it, I'd better take a rain check.
-Poor little Qwrk.
-Write a note to Miss Payne.
Qwrk father stay here and do some hacking.
Listen up, all you girls!
Charlotte and Astrella Jackson.
Come to my office immediately.
Come on in.
I have a photograph taken by Dallas Hohenhaus.
Is it? It could be anything.
A cloud, maybe.
Really?
Astrella, I want an explanation.
I really want to sort this out.
I will not tolerate talk of witches and U.F.Os.
-But let's get her on the water.
-Don't interrupt, Michelle Froggatt.
Astrella, do you have anything to say about this? No?
Everything has a natural explanation, of course, and I'll get it...
...when I meet you at the lake in 10 minutes. You can go.
-This is bad.
-It's very bad.
-What are we going to do?
-It's really bad.
-You can change things with your mind, can't you?
-Yes, I can.
Of course.
Nothing! I can't do it.
I guess your powers have gone down.
Yes, but now of all times.
What if I help?
-It can't hurt.
-Try it.
-Oh, dear!
-They're getting duskier.
And now the Rolands are too.
That's enough!
The game is over.
Charlotte, I'm here. Fa see now.
-What's the matter? Are you worried?
-Shut up.
I'll tell you.
-It's not black at all.
-But... how? How then?
There's a log under the surface.
Don't you know that?
-A log? Since when?
-Since it fell in, silly.
I knew there was an explanation.
Wait, of course she can.
She's from Mars too.
Michelle and Dallas, I'm not wasting any more time on maladjusted students.
Come to my office after school.
But it's a trick! It must be...
Come see for yourself.
Michelle, it's real.
A log!
-That's funny!
-That's fantastic!
Did you see Michelle's face when she fell?
I barely saw it.
Haja...Hacking!
Oh, my God, Qwrk's still on.
Haven't you figured out the code yet?
It's too late now.
Immigration will be here soon.
-Yeah, but I...
-X, come quick!
Look, I think we have to escape.
Refugees again, no home, always on the run...
-Frogatt, I'm very unhappy.
-Mr Dimby!
I've spent three days on your tip, which turned out to be a fake.
But, Mr Dabbly, it's wrong.
The mistake has been made by you.
I checked Jackson's arrival date and all the facts came up.
You've wasted my precious time.
Time that should have been spent chasing bad guys.
But my daughter told them to go to the water for the name.
And he washes his car with water!
I also came for another reason.
In the records, I found ambiguities concerning the Froggatts.
Certain details about your great-grandfather's immigration.
No official records of your citizenship and so on.
-It's been so long.
-The work never forgets, Mr Froggatt.
Hundreds of years are like minutes there.
I'll ask you to come to my office on Monday.
I can only say how very sorry I am.
-Don't think about it, Danby.
-Digby.
And may I say it's been an honour to meet the offspring of...
...the great genius Albert Einstein.
-A distant relative.
-Yes, but a relative.
I didn't know such a famous family lived here.
-Goodbye.
-Goodbye.
We did it!
The Jacksons and Rolands are challenging the world.
But it was close.
Easy, I got in in ten minutes.
You stayed home, didn't you?
Yeah, I'm going to my room.
What's he been up to?
If it only took half an hour, what have you been up to?
-I've been playing a lazy game.
-You did?
When I finished the details, I looked at the memory bank.
I found a computer game called Space Aliens.
Space Aliens? Let's see!
Look.
-May I try?
-No, you can't.