Halfway Across the Galaxy and Turn Left (1993–…): Season 1, Episode 14 - Qwrk Lands on His Feet - full transcript
What has flown in X?
We've had countless reports of a flying boat with three children in it.
That was me. I was just having a little fun.
She used her powers anyway.
Apparently it's contagious.
Hom was playing with the rubot like a toy.
Hey, look!
I made her hide it.
Then she did something no girl's done in 73 years.
She won the Esmeralda Cup and beat the boys. Everybody was talking about it.
She went to the sports clinic where she made a fool of herself.
You're an alien.
Your blood is different.
Why did I agree to this?
You're in love with X, so she can't be a guinea pig.
X traded her blood for Colin's.
I hope she calms down now.
I'm glad you're spending the night.
You can join us right now.
No, I have to make sure everything's okay at home.
Go on, I'll bring the stuff.
No, I have to give them all their instructions first.
Get out of the way!
Move it, redhead!
-You think you're on the road?
-Pedestrians have priority!
Don't mess with the Bellwood gang!
Nice hat, dork.
-You all right, Qwrk?
-Yeah, I'm all right.
George, I got a new piece of music for you!
-Now?
-Of course, it's wonderful.
I'll be seeing you. Bye!
-What is it, George?
-Oh, nothing.
Come on, if you don't take the bowl, you're out of the gang.
Bindy, it's your turn.
Come on, now!
You've got a week to go, then you're out of the Bellwood gang.
-You got it?
-All right, Pat.
-Check out the geek.
-Actually, my name is Qwrk.
Sounds like a seagull!
I wonder if you know you're not developing your tulla zenit potential?
You're in the wrong place. You should go home to your mother and play wrong.
It's too dangerous here for kids like you.
Go home to your mother and play foul!
-Dovis?
-Yes?
-Can I ask you something?
-Sure.
-You have a lot of friends, don't you?
-No, maybe ten.
Yeah, ten more than I have.
I haven't made a friend yet...
and I think it's because I'm weird.
You're not weird!
Come on, I'm an alien who also plays the violin.
You're a nice young man who's about to have hundreds of friends.
Yeah, when I'm too old to have fun.
Well, why don't you tell me how it's done?
I'm interested in people and what they do.
That's the trouble with me. I don't know anything!
I can't play football or...
How are the other guys doing?
Their dads teach them.
My dad tried to cook the football.
Qwrk, you're a professor at the Knowledge Bank.
Yeah, but I don't know anything about skateboards.
It doesn't matter. Be proud.
You know more than all the others in your own way.
In my way...
Thanks, Dovis.
Dad... do you think... No.
What, honey?
Yes, do you think we should have...
more to say?
-About what?
-Yes... about us.
Oh, terrible thought!
When X stopped being an organiser for a few days, we were fine.
But... who's gonna look after Dovis and Qwrk?
I guess we do.
We were going to be parents.
But who's going to do the housework?
Us, I suppose.
But...but we haven't had any organisational training, or anything!
No parents here do.
They take a day at a time.
That's absurd!
Mom, shouldn't we leave things as they are?
What would X say if she heard us now?
It's late, Qwrk.
-What are you doing?
-Teaching me to skateboard my way.
-Don't stay up too late.
-No, Dad.
I know how you can improve your lifting power.
You'll reach that height in no time. Hey, look!
-It's called optimal zenith potential.
-What did you say? Opt...
Optimal zenith potential.
I've based it on speed, momentum, lift and angle of attack.
And from critical planning.
Sounds like it'll hold.
Elementary thermodynamics.
For a dork, you're dirty.
I took a bath before I went to school.
No... dirty, so 'not true'?
"Idiot"? "All right, kid"?
Oh, 'dirty'.
-This isn't homework, George.
-I know, Miss Payne.
-Where is it?
-I did it instead.
-Why did you do it?
-The math homework is too easy.
-Nobody likes a show-off.
-I wasn't bragging!
-Did you do this yourself?
-Sure.
It's very good...
...but you could have gotten the lift factor easier with the cosine logarithm.
Mathematics is my special subject.
Cosine... Of course!
Miss Payne, what a dirty idea!
I've asked you to come and talk about one of your children.
-I want to talk about young George.
-What's happened to him?
This afternoon he said something very naughty to his teacher.
He accused her of having naughty ideas.
-That doesn't sound like Qwrk.
-Who does?
Qwrk... is a Peruvian nickname.
It means 'your little rascal violinist'.
-Miss Payne?
-George, this is detention.
You can't talk.
And when I said dirty, I meant...
I advise you not to make things worse.
You're very talented, aren't you?
But today you've been a plain, naughty little boy.
Please go on.
I think it's the skateboard gang he's with.
Him, in a gang?
Being with the Bellwood gang is only harmful.
Of course, Charlotte will have to talk to him.
-Charlotte?
-We'll talk to him.
-You and I?
-You're his parents.
The most important lessons in life he'll learn from you.
And as his headmaster, I ask you to be firm with him.
"Determined," that's right.
Thank you, Miss Hodges.
-Would you like some tea?
Miss Bloom, how would you handle this as a parent?
-I'm not a parent now.
-Of course not, but if you were...
First of all, I would forbid them to hang out with bad peers.
-"Forbid." Sounds good.
-Yes, it sounds very definite.
And?
If he continues, a punishment is of course in order.
-What kind of punishment?
-That's up to each parent.
Of course, but as an individual parent...
or rather non-parent?
Let them guess.
Tell them it's a surprise.
"Surprise"! Yeah, that'll work.
-Miss Bloom, we'll figure this out together.
-Yeah, well...
I surrender! You win.
You're the Zyrgon champion.
You cheated. You were watching!
The tie slips.
I was gonna say that.
Yeah, after you knocked me down.
Can't you stay another night?
I don't know, I've never left them before.
Dovis will be out of school soon, Qwrk...
-No, I mean Mom and Dad.
-Oh, yeah.
Dad's still disobedient and Mom says she shouldn't.
So how are they gonna learn to take care of themselves?
Besides, we have to have a rematch.
Let the muscles work.
-Should we ask X to help us with Qwrk?
-No, we'll do it ourselves.
Breeding is kind of scary, isn't it?
-Hey, Qwrk, we want to talk to you.
-Definitely.
Miss Blaom doesn't think you should be hanging out with those...
skateboard guys.
Neither do we.
We... forbid you to play with the Bellwood gang.
You can't do that. You're not X.
We're your parents, Qwrk...
and from us you will learn the most important things in life.
-I want to learn how to skateboard.
-We forbid it.
-What if I don't obey?
-Then there will be surprise punishment.
They're my only friends, and I'll see them whenever I want.
What do we do now?
I don't know.
Hey, guys!
What's on your mind?
I thought you might want some advice on your technique.
-You'd be the world's skier?
-No, I wouldn't.
Have you ever skated?
No, but the relationship between lift and speed is elementary mathematics.
How do you know all that stuff you said?
By your standards, I'm exceptionally intelligent, dude.
By my standards, you're a braggart.
Why don't you show us how good you are?
-I can't.
-He's scared.
-No, I can't.
-Just talk, like I said.
You can have my board.
-I won't break it.
-The blank, rather.
Mega speed, demon!
Slow down, idiot.
Oh, my God, George Jackson!
You're in for a surprise punishment.
How did he do that?
Get out of the way! Let me through.
-My dear boy, what's happened?
-I've just been punished.
Hands, dear! Hands!
It's all right, Mr. Hohenhaus.
I'll drive you.
-Here.
-Thank you very much.
Let's go to the nurse, you may have had a shock.
Thanks for the loan.
Yes, thank you for almost killing the greatest virtuoso of the century.
Hands, George!
Hands! Hands! Hands!
Oh, it's you, Qwrk.
I apologise for my behaviour and accept the punishment.
Though I'd like to know how it happened.
Yes, we'd like to talk about it, but it's kind of...
...professional secret that only parents know.
What a surprise, and I'll take your advice about the Bellwood gang.
Determination really works.
Although I do have to see them one more time and finish something.
-Okay, Qwrk. One last time.
-Thank you, Mother and Father.
It's not that hard being a parent.
All right, let's go!
One more week, then you're out of the gang.
I'll try to show you how it's done.
Bindy, you'd better watch out because this is your last chance.
It's your turn, Bindy.
Fail and you're out.
We don't like losers.
Yeah! You did it.
Let's go, boys.
Take it easy, buddy.
Just basic math.
We've had countless reports of a flying boat with three children in it.
That was me. I was just having a little fun.
She used her powers anyway.
Apparently it's contagious.
Hom was playing with the rubot like a toy.
Hey, look!
I made her hide it.
Then she did something no girl's done in 73 years.
She won the Esmeralda Cup and beat the boys. Everybody was talking about it.
She went to the sports clinic where she made a fool of herself.
You're an alien.
Your blood is different.
Why did I agree to this?
You're in love with X, so she can't be a guinea pig.
X traded her blood for Colin's.
I hope she calms down now.
I'm glad you're spending the night.
You can join us right now.
No, I have to make sure everything's okay at home.
Go on, I'll bring the stuff.
No, I have to give them all their instructions first.
Get out of the way!
Move it, redhead!
-You think you're on the road?
-Pedestrians have priority!
Don't mess with the Bellwood gang!
Nice hat, dork.
-You all right, Qwrk?
-Yeah, I'm all right.
George, I got a new piece of music for you!
-Now?
-Of course, it's wonderful.
I'll be seeing you. Bye!
-What is it, George?
-Oh, nothing.
Come on, if you don't take the bowl, you're out of the gang.
Bindy, it's your turn.
Come on, now!
You've got a week to go, then you're out of the Bellwood gang.
-You got it?
-All right, Pat.
-Check out the geek.
-Actually, my name is Qwrk.
Sounds like a seagull!
I wonder if you know you're not developing your tulla zenit potential?
You're in the wrong place. You should go home to your mother and play wrong.
It's too dangerous here for kids like you.
Go home to your mother and play foul!
-Dovis?
-Yes?
-Can I ask you something?
-Sure.
-You have a lot of friends, don't you?
-No, maybe ten.
Yeah, ten more than I have.
I haven't made a friend yet...
and I think it's because I'm weird.
You're not weird!
Come on, I'm an alien who also plays the violin.
You're a nice young man who's about to have hundreds of friends.
Yeah, when I'm too old to have fun.
Well, why don't you tell me how it's done?
I'm interested in people and what they do.
That's the trouble with me. I don't know anything!
I can't play football or...
How are the other guys doing?
Their dads teach them.
My dad tried to cook the football.
Qwrk, you're a professor at the Knowledge Bank.
Yeah, but I don't know anything about skateboards.
It doesn't matter. Be proud.
You know more than all the others in your own way.
In my way...
Thanks, Dovis.
Dad... do you think... No.
What, honey?
Yes, do you think we should have...
more to say?
-About what?
-Yes... about us.
Oh, terrible thought!
When X stopped being an organiser for a few days, we were fine.
But... who's gonna look after Dovis and Qwrk?
I guess we do.
We were going to be parents.
But who's going to do the housework?
Us, I suppose.
But...but we haven't had any organisational training, or anything!
No parents here do.
They take a day at a time.
That's absurd!
Mom, shouldn't we leave things as they are?
What would X say if she heard us now?
It's late, Qwrk.
-What are you doing?
-Teaching me to skateboard my way.
-Don't stay up too late.
-No, Dad.
I know how you can improve your lifting power.
You'll reach that height in no time. Hey, look!
-It's called optimal zenith potential.
-What did you say? Opt...
Optimal zenith potential.
I've based it on speed, momentum, lift and angle of attack.
And from critical planning.
Sounds like it'll hold.
Elementary thermodynamics.
For a dork, you're dirty.
I took a bath before I went to school.
No... dirty, so 'not true'?
"Idiot"? "All right, kid"?
Oh, 'dirty'.
-This isn't homework, George.
-I know, Miss Payne.
-Where is it?
-I did it instead.
-Why did you do it?
-The math homework is too easy.
-Nobody likes a show-off.
-I wasn't bragging!
-Did you do this yourself?
-Sure.
It's very good...
...but you could have gotten the lift factor easier with the cosine logarithm.
Mathematics is my special subject.
Cosine... Of course!
Miss Payne, what a dirty idea!
I've asked you to come and talk about one of your children.
-I want to talk about young George.
-What's happened to him?
This afternoon he said something very naughty to his teacher.
He accused her of having naughty ideas.
-That doesn't sound like Qwrk.
-Who does?
Qwrk... is a Peruvian nickname.
It means 'your little rascal violinist'.
-Miss Payne?
-George, this is detention.
You can't talk.
And when I said dirty, I meant...
I advise you not to make things worse.
You're very talented, aren't you?
But today you've been a plain, naughty little boy.
Please go on.
I think it's the skateboard gang he's with.
Him, in a gang?
Being with the Bellwood gang is only harmful.
Of course, Charlotte will have to talk to him.
-Charlotte?
-We'll talk to him.
-You and I?
-You're his parents.
The most important lessons in life he'll learn from you.
And as his headmaster, I ask you to be firm with him.
"Determined," that's right.
Thank you, Miss Hodges.
-Would you like some tea?
Miss Bloom, how would you handle this as a parent?
-I'm not a parent now.
-Of course not, but if you were...
First of all, I would forbid them to hang out with bad peers.
-"Forbid." Sounds good.
-Yes, it sounds very definite.
And?
If he continues, a punishment is of course in order.
-What kind of punishment?
-That's up to each parent.
Of course, but as an individual parent...
or rather non-parent?
Let them guess.
Tell them it's a surprise.
"Surprise"! Yeah, that'll work.
-Miss Bloom, we'll figure this out together.
-Yeah, well...
I surrender! You win.
You're the Zyrgon champion.
You cheated. You were watching!
The tie slips.
I was gonna say that.
Yeah, after you knocked me down.
Can't you stay another night?
I don't know, I've never left them before.
Dovis will be out of school soon, Qwrk...
-No, I mean Mom and Dad.
-Oh, yeah.
Dad's still disobedient and Mom says she shouldn't.
So how are they gonna learn to take care of themselves?
Besides, we have to have a rematch.
Let the muscles work.
-Should we ask X to help us with Qwrk?
-No, we'll do it ourselves.
Breeding is kind of scary, isn't it?
-Hey, Qwrk, we want to talk to you.
-Definitely.
Miss Blaom doesn't think you should be hanging out with those...
skateboard guys.
Neither do we.
We... forbid you to play with the Bellwood gang.
You can't do that. You're not X.
We're your parents, Qwrk...
and from us you will learn the most important things in life.
-I want to learn how to skateboard.
-We forbid it.
-What if I don't obey?
-Then there will be surprise punishment.
They're my only friends, and I'll see them whenever I want.
What do we do now?
I don't know.
Hey, guys!
What's on your mind?
I thought you might want some advice on your technique.
-You'd be the world's skier?
-No, I wouldn't.
Have you ever skated?
No, but the relationship between lift and speed is elementary mathematics.
How do you know all that stuff you said?
By your standards, I'm exceptionally intelligent, dude.
By my standards, you're a braggart.
Why don't you show us how good you are?
-I can't.
-He's scared.
-No, I can't.
-Just talk, like I said.
You can have my board.
-I won't break it.
-The blank, rather.
Mega speed, demon!
Slow down, idiot.
Oh, my God, George Jackson!
You're in for a surprise punishment.
How did he do that?
Get out of the way! Let me through.
-My dear boy, what's happened?
-I've just been punished.
Hands, dear! Hands!
It's all right, Mr. Hohenhaus.
I'll drive you.
-Here.
-Thank you very much.
Let's go to the nurse, you may have had a shock.
Thanks for the loan.
Yes, thank you for almost killing the greatest virtuoso of the century.
Hands, George!
Hands! Hands! Hands!
Oh, it's you, Qwrk.
I apologise for my behaviour and accept the punishment.
Though I'd like to know how it happened.
Yes, we'd like to talk about it, but it's kind of...
...professional secret that only parents know.
What a surprise, and I'll take your advice about the Bellwood gang.
Determination really works.
Although I do have to see them one more time and finish something.
-Okay, Qwrk. One last time.
-Thank you, Mother and Father.
It's not that hard being a parent.
All right, let's go!
One more week, then you're out of the gang.
I'll try to show you how it's done.
Bindy, you'd better watch out because this is your last chance.
It's your turn, Bindy.
Fail and you're out.
We don't like losers.
Yeah! You did it.
Let's go, boys.
Take it easy, buddy.
Just basic math.