Gunsmoke (1955–1975): Season 7, Episode 15 - The Do-Badder - full transcript

Starring James
Arness as Matt Dillon.

You're getting
a late start, Slim.

I'll make up for it on the road.

You can tell them passengers
we're ready to go now.

Sure.

Everybody out. Ready to roll.

I'll be glad when
this ride's over.

Riding in that sure
ain't no pleasure.

There's an even a
poorer way of travelling.

Hey, I know that old boy.

That's Harvey Easter.



What is he, a prospector?

Yeah. I seen him
up north last week.

They say he's been out in
Colorado the last ten years.

Made a fair strike, too.

Well, if I was rich, I
wouldn't be walking.

Come on, let's get
this thing rolling.

Get aboard, will you, fellas?

All right, just a moment.

You hear that?

What about it?

It's right in our laps. Easiest
money we ever made.

Say, you're right.

Oh, we changed our minds.

We're gonna find
a couple of horses



and ride the rest of the way.

Oh, suit yourself, cowboy.

See you next week, Slim.

Yeah, and don't
you get lonely, hear?

Yeah, let's go, people. Come on.

Hyah!

Good luck.

Hello.

Can a man get breakfast here?

For a dollar, he can.

I'll pay it.

Come on.

Take that jackass out
behind the shed, huh?

Right you are. Come along, chum.

That's right. This way.

Hey, what about the station man?

We'll take care of him later.

Hey, you!

Hey, you, come
back with that horse!

Looks like he got away.

He wouldn't have done
if me rifle hadn't jammed.

Oh, Sam Smith.

I knew he was no good
when I first saw him.

Don't you worry.
I'm going after him.

Better hurry up.

What happened to his partner?

He's resting...
around the corner.

You shot him?

I did. The other bloke
killed my jackass.

Poor beast.

He wasn't even a man,
he had to get shot like one.

What were those
two after you for?

Mister, I've been in the
Rocky Mountains for ten years,

and what I've seen of men

since I come out is
something shocking.

The world is getting darker
and greedier every minute.

You mean you brought
some gold out with you?

I'll be ready for
breakfast in a few minutes

if you're willing to set it out.

All right, all right.

I could sure use a drink.

Yeah, well, Long Branch is
just right down the street there.

If you want to find yourself
back in jail, go ahead.

No, I'll never be
back in this jail.

Well, by golly, I just don't
understand you, Smith.

You hit town
yesterday afternoon.

Wasn't even hardly dark yet

until Mr. Dillon had
to throw you in jail

for getting drunk and
shooting up Front Street.

Now you want another drink.

He'll throw you in jail
again, you get out of line.

Oh. I'll shoot that
marshal of yours, first.

Huh. Yeah.

Oh.

Mr. Dillon, I just turned
the prisoner loose.

Oh, good.

Yeah, and the darn fool...

He headed straight
for the Long Branch.

Well, oh, so, goodness.
Look at that, would you?

Hold on, now, Mister.

You, uh... you looking for
somebody with that rifle?

I am, and I don't need
no help from the law.

What's your name?

The name's Easter Harvey Easter.

Well, Mr. Easter, it so happens

we have a law against
shooting people in this town.

A blighter called Sam
Smith killed my jackass

and stole a horse.

Sam Smith?

That's right.

Now, is your law
his side or mine?

Where did this happen?

At the Fly Creek Road Ranch.

Now if you'll kindly
move out of my way...

Now just hold on a minute.

I happen to know
where this Sam Smith is.

We'll just go down and
have a little talk with him.

But first, I'll take that rifle.

No, you won't.

I'd hate to have to argue
with you, Mr. Easter.

Come on.

Oh, well, take it.

All right. Right this way.

Wait here.

Take it, Chester.

Oh.

Smith?

Oh, now, leave me be, will you?

Now, look, I told
Chester I'd shoot you

you bothered me
anymore, and I'll do it.

- That so?
- Yeah.

Hey, now, come on, give
me that gun. Give it to me.

Let's go outside.

Ah, that's him. That's him.

He's gonna shoot me.

No, he's not armed.

Now that man...
He shot my partner.

He killed him dead,
then he took out after me,

so I-I jumped on a horse.
What else could I do?

Oh, what a ruddy liar!

Well, they come
after me to rob me.

And they would have done it if
I hadn't been waiting for them.

Anybody witness
this besides you two?

My partner, the man he murdered.

You might ask the man
who owns the place.

It's his horse he stole.

I'm going to have
to take you in, Smith.

Oh, Marshal, now
that won't do no good.

Take him over and
lock him up, Chester.

Yes, sir.

I'll talk to Slim Trent.

He taking the stage
by there tomorrow.

He'll find out what
this is all about.

All right. Uh,
here-here's your rifle.

Don't need it no more.

Well, it's-it's yours.
You might as well take it.

I was wrong, Marshal.

I should have come
to you in the first place.

You're doing the right thing.

Well, you might as
well take your rifle

if you're not gonna
shoot anybody with it.

No. My money's in
the bank. It's safe now.

Them guns is bad things.

They lead to killing
sooner or later.

With you, it sure does.

Not no more.

I was only looking
after what's mine.

Men are bad enough.

From now on, I intend
to do nothing but good.

You can bet your
sweet life on that.

What about your rifle?

You can have it... for keeps.

You men work around here?

- Huh?
- I said, do you men work around here?

No, sir. We're just
playing a game of pool.

I don't mean inside here.
I mean around Dodge.

No, sir. We're just a
couple of cattle drovers.

Drove a herd of Texas
longhorns up the trail last week.

And, uh, we're already broke.

Ain't that the truth.

Enough money for
supper tonight, and that's it.

It's a hard life you lead, eh?

Oh, it's the same every year.

Of course it's the same.
You want to know why?

Why?

- 'Cause you're lazy.
- Lazy?

Lazy as sin.

Now, look here, Mister.

Well, you're broke, ain't you?

You're playing this
stupid game, ain't you?

Wasting your time.

Or is somebody paying
you to stand around here

hitting them balls
with them sticks?

Well, no, sir, but, uh...

So you go back to Texas broke.

You spend a hard winter
there, and come back next spring

with another drove of
cattle and go broke again.

Like I said, it's the
same every year.

But that don't mean
that we're lazy.

Anybody can ride on top of
a horse day in and day out.

No wonder they
don't pay so good.

They don't need no brains.

No brains at all.

It don't need no
gumption, neither.

It don't need no get-up-and-go.

It's the laziest kind of a job.

I never thought
about it that way.

Mister, what do
you want us to do?

There ain't nothing
else that we can do.

We're-we're just
a couple cowboys.

Then be something else.

Be ranchers.

Ranchers?

Well, why not? This
country needs ranchers.

Mister, it takes
money to be a rancher.

You make money being a rancher.

Of course, you
got to start slow.

It ain't so easy.

Well...

but me and Kelly...
We ain't got no land.

In fact, we got nothing.

The government will give
you land if you prove it up.

We can't prove it up with
two saddles and two horses.

Now, look here, you two.

If you're willing to give up
this lazy, good-for-nothing life

and get to work, I'll help you.

Kelly?

Uh, uh, how-how do you do that?

I got money. I'll stake you.

I'll give you a wagon,
some equipment,

then you can get started.

Then you'll be on your own.

Bu-Bu... Bunch?

That's, uh, awful
good of you, Mister.

Name's Easter. Harvey Easter.

Uh, I'm Gene Bunch.

Uh, Chris. Uh,
Christopher Kelly.

How do you do, Mr. Kelly?

Now you come with
me to the general store,

we'll get started, eh?

We're gonna be rich, Kelly.

Gonna be big men.

Let's go, Mr. Easter.

Follow me.

Come on, Kelly.

Sorry, Miss Mary.

It's all right, Louie.

Give Louie another drink, Sam.

Certainly.

Good evening, Mary.

Hello, Kitty.

Hmm. Kind of slow tonight.

Oh, it's early yet.

Don't worry about it, Kitty.

If I started worrying
about this business,

I wouldn't last one night.

Good evening, ladies.

Well, you're making
the rounds early tonight.

Yeah, I'm looking
for Slim Trent.

I kinda figured I
might find him in here.

Well, I hope you
figured right, Marshal.

You know he did.

You and Slim don't miss
a night when he's in town.

Hmm. That's just it.

I wonder how often
he'd come around

if he wasn't out driving
that stage most of the time?

Well, a man's gotta
make a living, you know?

And some living.

Well, seems to me
like driving a stage

is a lot better than
some ways I know of.

Speaking of the devil.

- Hi, Mary.
- Hi, Slim.

- Hello, Slim.
- Marshal.

Say, you gonna be
driving north tomorrow?

Well, yeah. Why?

You'll probably be going
by Ed Greeley's then?

I'll be spending
the night there.

Well, there was a shooting
up there the other day

and a horse got stolen, to boot.

Well, I'll be doggoned.

Who was it, Marshal?

Well, I'd rather
you just find out

what Ed Greeley's
got to say about it.

Will you let me know?

Well, sure, sure, I
will. You bet, uh...

I'll be back on Thursday.

All right. Keep him
sober, Mary, huh?

Any way I can keep him.

Come on, Slim.
Let's go sit down.

Well, I guess I got
time for one beer.

Sam, bring the Marshal a beer

before he changes his mind.

Yes, ma'am.

Mister?

What's up?

I need help, Mister.

Please give me a dollar.

So you can buy yourself
some more whiskey?

I need a drink. I didn't
have much today.

A man needs a few
drinks every day.

- Where do you live?
- Just a dollar.

I said where do you live?

Out there, edge of
town. I got a little shack.

- That's where we're going.
- No.

- Come on.
- Not now.

- I don't want to go there.
- Come along.

No, I don't...

All right.

Now then, inside, you.

That's it.

Please, Mister.

Get in, will you? Get in.

Yeah, this will do.

Mister?

Don't do this, Mister.

Now he'll sober up.

Let me out. Somebody...

Go on, let me out,
Mister. Don't do this.

Just mind your own business.

Keep him out of here, will ya?

All right.

It can't be nothing
serious, Marshal.

Then why'd you send for the doc?

Oh, like I said, the
man had been drinking.

I'd just been trying
to sober him up.

What for? You
didn't even know him.

It's what men are coming
to. They ain't living right.

And you're gonna
take it upon yourself

to straighten them around, huh?

I've been ten years in the
Rocky Mountains, Marshal.

And since I come out,
I've seen nothing but bad.

How is he, Doc?

Well, I don't know yet.

I'm gonna have to stay with him.

You have any idea
what you've done?

What?

Louie Pheeters been
on a diet of whiskey,

day and night, for 20 years.

You had to try to change that.

Well, all I done was
try and help him.

And you helped him
have a heart attack.

No.

Matt, send Chester
out here, will ya?

Hey, Doc,

anything he needs,
I'll pay the bill.

Well...

I guess you've done
enough damage around here.

Let's go.

Evening, Miss.

Mind if I sit down?

Suit yourself.

Thank you.

I'm not a drinking
man myself, but, uh,

- I'll buy you one.
- Not right now, thanks.

Good. Drink'll age a woman.

It'll age her bad.

You think I look old?

Not if you're about 38 or 40.

38 or 40?

The name's Easter.
Harvey Easter.

I'm Mary Pickett and
I'm not 40 years old.

You aren't married
either, are you? Hmm?

Well, of course not. You
think I'd be working here?

Work?

You call this work?

I sure do.

Staying up all night
drinking whiskey?

Dancing with the trail hands?

Destroying your youth,
ruining your looks?

Are you a preacher or something?

Never been to church in my life.

I'm independent.

Not like you.

Oh, well,

I always thought I
was pretty independent.

Well, you ain't even
your own boss here.

You can't come and go
as you please, can you?

It all depends on Miss
Kitty, or the customers.

It's pure slavery.

It's a shame,

because you look
as if you've got

a real right amount
of spunk in ya.

Guess I never
thought of it that way.

But if I have to hear anymore...

you're going to have
to buy me a drink

no matter what it
does to my looks.

Let's go to the bar.

With pleasure, ma'am.

Allow me to help you.

Well...

Morning, Sam.

Morning, Miss Kitty.

Who left the office door open?

Oh, Mary Pickett's in there.
She's waiting to talk to you.

This early?

Hello, Kitty.

Good morning, Mary.

Well, don't you get enough
of this place at night?

I had to see you.

Is there something wrong?

Oh, no, not really.

What's the matter?

Did you and Slim
Trent have a spat?

No, I haven't seen
Slim in three days,

and he won't be
back for two weeks.

Well, what is it then?

Well, I...

I came to tell you
I'm quitting, Kitty.

Quitting?

Well, I...

I thought you
were satisfied here.

Oh, I was.

But, I... well, I want
to be independent.

What?

Independent.

My own boss.

Well, Mary, have I...

bossed you too much around here?

Oh, of course not.
It isn't that, Kitty.

It's just that, well,

it's time I did something
on my own for a change.

Besides, this life
isn't good for me.

Well... It's not
good for any of us.

I'm growing old here, Kitty.

I'm losing my looks.

Oh, now that's nonsense.

It's true.

Now, Mary, you listen to me.

No use arguing, Kitty,
my mind's made up.

Thanks to Harvey Easter.

Harvey Easter.

Oh! Hi, Miss Kitty.

Well, no wonder the
town is running wild.

I hope the, uh, street
fighting and the gunfire

doesn't disturb you
gentlemen too much.

Oh, how many people
getting killed out there?

Well, there's one
I'm gonna kill myself

if he doesn't stop
messing with people's lives.

Oh, don't tell me it's
Harvey Easter again.

What's he done this time?

He's talked Mary Pickett
into quitting her job.

I'll, I'll fix you a cup
of coffee, Miss Kitty.

Make you feel a
whole lot better.

It's not me I'm worried
about, Matt, it's Mary.

Now what's this girl gonna
do, starve in the streets?

What kind of job
is she gonna get?

Why doesn't she get married?

You men always say that.

Girls don't marry
themselves, you know.

What about Slim Trent?

He ain't asked her.

Oh. Well, Kitty, I'm afraid

I can't very well arrest
a man just for talking.

Mm. No, I don't suppose you can.

Well, I never could
move mountains.

Wonder who them
poor pilgrims is.

It looks like those two cowboys

Harvey Easter took
it to mind to help.

Could be. He bought
'em a wagon, didn't he?

Yeah. Let's go down
and see how they're doing.

Hi. You're Marshal
Dillon, ain't ya?

That's right.

Well, I'm pleased to meet ya.

This is Chester Goode here.

- Pleased to meet ya.
- How do?

I'm Gene Bunch and that
there my partner Chris Kelly.

Hey, Kelly! Whoo!

Get over here.

Well, how you men doing?

Well, we're proving up
a homestead, Marshal.

Proving up a homestead
and waiting for rain, huh?

Yeah. I got me some
corn planted over there.

It sure better rain.

How are you fixed
for water out here?

Oh, land, water's all
been took, Marshal.

About all we got is some
good ol' drinking water.

We gonna be drinking whisky
pretty soon, ain't we, Bunch?

- All we want of it.
- Right.

Figure to do pretty
well out here, huh?

Well, that's the idea, Marshal.

Hard work. It takes
a lot of hard work

to make a feller rich.

That's what
Mr. Harvey Easter said.

Ain't he a fine man, Marshal?

- Yeah.
- He's sure been a good friend of ours.

Uh-huh. How you doing for
food? Did you get enough to eat?

Well, we had...

That whole pot if full of gravy.

Gravy?

Yeah, I think that there's
"hor do" gravy, isn't it?

Mm-hmm.

Just a little bit of
shortening and flour.

Shortening and flour, right.

There's nothing wrong with that?

Oh, heavens, no. Heck,
I've eat a lot of that.

What do you put it on,
bread or-or potatoes?

Both.

Only right now
we're a little short.

We run out yesterday, or
we'd ask you to stay for a bite.

Oh, well, that's all right.

We go to get back
to town anyway.

Well, how is things
in Dodge, Marshal?

Oh, just the same.

Well, I hope you men
have a lot of luck out here.

We ain't quitting,
Marshal. Besides,

we'd owe Mr. Easter
a pile of money

if we don't make out here.

Why, next time, you see us,

it'll be a big
wagonload of corn.

Come here. I want to
show you something.

Come over here.
Right over here I got

the finest corn
seed money can buy.

Right here, look at that.

Uh-huh. Well, it's
still gonna take rain.

They'll get water.

Once he gets them
all planted, we'll dump

that whole barrel on it.

What are you gonna do
then, take it back down

to the river and fill it up?

Sure. It's only ten miles.

We better get started, Chester.

You know, it might be
just as well if it don't rain.

It's gonna take you quite awhile

to get a roof and some
walls on that house there.

Oh, oh, that. Well, I-I-I-I got
to cut a little more sod for it,

and I'm gonna haul
some timbers for it,

uh, next week or so.

Well, we're sure glad
you come by, Marshal.

Uh, you know something, Marshal?

Uh, before, in Dodge,

you never paid no
attention at all to us,

but now that we're doing
something, you know, important,

well, here you are!

Well, good luck to you.

So long!

Good-bye!

Good-bye, Chester!

♪ ... will get you,
run, rabbit, run ♪

♪ You better get... ♪

Oh. Where-where you going?

Gonna get my mail.

Oh, there ain't
no need for that.

What happened?

Well, I was just in there.

I checked, and you
don't have a thing.

I was gonna bring
it by your office.

Hmm.

No mail, huh?

No.

You know, uh...

you could go to jail for that.

For what?

Well, it's a
penitentiary offense

to tamper with the
United States mail.

Somebody else's.

Well, I-I-I-I-I just told you

that there-there
wasn't a thing in there.

You didn't have no mail.

I don't see how I could
be accused of-of tampering

with something that-that,
uh, wasn't even tamperable.

Well...

Whoa-ho!

- Slim.
- Hi, Chester.

Where's the marshal?

By golly, we just about
give up on you, Slim.

You was supposed to be back
two weeks ago last Thursday.

Well, they put me on
another run up north.

There was nothing
I could do about it.

Well, Mr. Dillon is gonna
be anxious to see you.

Well, I'll come by,

but in the meantime,
you can tell him

there was a shooting
up at Fly Creek.

Is that so?

Is that Mary?

Yep, Slim, that's Mary.

Mary.

Mary, what're you
doing looking like that?

Well, you don't even
look like yourself.

It's me, all right.

Those are dirty clothes,
Slim, and they're not mine.

What do you mean?

I don't work at the
Long Branch anymore.

I... take in wash instead.

You what?

That's right.

Why, I don't understand.

I'm my own boss now.

I'm independent.

I don't need the Long Branch

or you... or any other man.

Mary, what's got into you?

Nothing. I... I've
got to go now, Slim.

Listen, listen, I gotta go, too,

but I'll see you tonight and
we'll talk this all over, huh?

No, I won't see you
tonight. I go to bed early.

But it's gotta be tonight.

They're turning
the stage around.

I'll be going up
north again tomorrow.

I don't care.

I'm leading a different life
now. Can't you see that?

Now please leave me alone.

Evening.

Howdy.

What's your name?

Name's Obie. Harry Obie.

Ah.

Say, ain't you Harvey Easter?

I didn't hardly recognize you.

That's right. You're
the shotgun messenger.

Yeah, Charlie Fess.

I been wanting to talk to you.

That so? What about?

Oh, lots of things.

I'll buy you a drink first.

I can't complain about that.

I just lost a month's wages
over to the Long Branch.

You know, I never
was lucky at cards.

That why you're drinking beer?

I'll buy you a whiskey.

But mind you, I don't
approve of drinking.

This is the last
time I'll buy you any.

I never expected
there'd be a first time.

Mr. Obie, a whiskey, please.

Yes, sir.

There you are.

Here, Charlie boy.

Well, Slim, tell Ed Greeley

I'll have his horse back
to him sometime this week.

Okay, Marshal.

And that Sam Smith'll be up

for attempted robbery
and horse thieving.

Where's that Charlie
Fess this morning?

He ain't never been late before.

It was his only night
in town, wasn't it?

Probably got a hangover.

Well, I got one,
too, but I'm here.

And, Marshal, you
know something?

I never did get to talk to Mary.

I found where she's living,

but she locked the door and
pretended she wasn't there.

Huh. She'll come around, Slim.

I ain't so sure.

That Harvey Easter,
he oughta be strung up!

Now where is that Charlie?

Oh, there he comes now.

All right, folks, my
shotgun messenger's here!

Climb aboard, please!

Where you been, Charlie?

I told you what
time we was leaving!

I ain't going.

You what?

I ain't riding shotgun no more!

What's the matter with you?
Get up there where you belong!

No!

That's no kind of job for a man.

I'm through.

You're still drunk maybe?

No, I ain't.

Slim, I don't do nobody
no good riding shotgun,

me nor you.

How do you figure that?

Well, supposing we're held up.

If-if I'm there, them bandits
is gonna start shooting

'fore you even get
them horses stopped.

If-if I ain't there,

well, probably there
wouldn't be no shooting at all.

No, no, they'd just take off

with the strong box
like it was a Sunday.

Well, I ain't going.
That's all there is to it.

All right.

All right, but why didn't
you tell me this yesterday?

Why'd you have to
wait for the last minute?

I had to be sure.

You had to be sure. Yeah.

How am I gonna find a
shotgun man now, Marshal?

I don't know, Slim.

Maybe I can scout around
town for you a little bit.

No. No, I don't
have time to waste.

We're not carrying
anything valuable anyhow.

I'll find a man up north.

Well, have a good trip.

Yeah, I will, Marshal.

And Charlie, you better
go see Doc Adams.

Have your head wrapped
real good! It's leaking all over!

Yee-hoo! Let's go, boys.

We can see it real easy
when it gets right there.

That'll give us plenty of
time to ride out and stop 'em.

Well, it's gonna be comin'
around here anyway,

so why don't we do our
shooting from right here?

You don't know nothing about
holding up stages, do you?

Well, how many you held up?

None, but I was on
one got held up once.

You was?

What was it like?

Well, I was scared, I tell you.

Uh-huh.

Well, here we are and
it's the other way around

and I'm scared.

Fine bandit, you are.

Bunch?

What?

You think we ought
to be doin' this?

Oh, for the love of...

I... I'm dead serious!

When'd you last have
a square meal, Kelly?

Well, I...

You want to spend
the rest of your life

scratching holes in the
ground to plant corn seeds,

then wake up next
morning and find

that the crows have
pecked them all out?

Do you want to grow old
living in a danged house

that every time it
rains turns to mud?

Do you want to go on farming
dirt and being so hungry

that you can't hardly
sit a horse no more?

Harvey Easter.

We shouldn't never
listened to Harvey Easter

'cause we ain't no dirt farmers.

Well, we ain't.

Not no more, we ain't.

Bunch.

Now what?

Did you ever see a feller
all tore up with a shotgun?

No.

Well, I did, and
it was terrible.

I'll take care of the
shotgun messenger.

You... you shoot the driver.

I don't want to do it.

I ain't got no stomach
fer it, so I ain't gonna do it!

You mean that?

I mean every word of it.

I believe you do.

All right, I ain't
gonna do it alone.

There goes our
stagecoach robbery.

Where you going?

I ain't decided.

There it is!

Hey, look! There ain't
no shotgun messenger!

Come on, Kelly!

Kelly, Kelly, we can do it easy.

Come on, we'll do it
just like we planned.

There ain't nothing to
be scared of. Come on!

All right, all right.

Make tracks!

He ain't dead. Shoot him, Kelly.

N-N-No, I-I... Uh, you do it.

I-I can't!

Well-well, you got to.

No! I can't!

L-L-Let's get outta here!

Thanks.

How is he?

Oh, he's fine.

If driving a stage hasn't
killed him yet, nothing will.

Slim? By golly, y-you're
a pretty lucky feller.

I would have been a lot luckier

if that Charlie Fess
hadn't run out on me.

Well, now just don't go
squirming around like that.

You just lay
still, take it easy.

That fellah, the one that-that
I heard him call "Kelly,"

you know him?

I don't know any Kelly. You?

Well, golly, it almost
seems impossible,

but it might be that, um,
that Chris Kelly, you know,

that's got that
partner, Gene Bunch

that old Harvey Easter
got started homesteading.

More of his work, eh?

Well, I just... Oh, oh, Slim.

Mary, what you doin' here?

The marshal came for me.
He told me what happened.

Slim, are you all right?

Well, I ain't going dancing
tonight, but I reckon I'll live.

Oh, Slim, I should
never have listened

to that Harvey
Easter, the old devil.

He's the one who
got me all mixed up.

It was like he
cast a spell on me,

but it broke, Slim.

It broke just a
couple of minutes ago

when the marshal found me.

Well, that's one good
thing come out of it, anyhow.

Doc, is it all right if I stay
and take care of Slim?

Well, sure, it's fine,

but I think you ought
to make him pay for it.

Five dollars a day
would be about right.

Oh, he'll pay for
it. Don't worry.

Well, Mr. Dillon, what-what
do you think about the holdup?

Well, there are a
lot of Kellys around,

but it sounds to me like
our two farming cowboys.

Well, you know, I kinda
thought maybe, you know?

Well, they were pretty
desperate when we were out there.

It was just a matter of time
before they had to do something.

Well, if it was them,

they're probably
halfway to Texas by now.

Well, then we'll
have to go to Texas,

but I think we ought to stop out

and check that
campsite of theirs first.

It's a long ride.

Well, Doc, don't let Harvey
Easter talk you into anything.

Oh, by golly, if
he comes up here,

I think I'll chloroform him.

So long.

Looks to me like
they flew the coop.

Maybe.

Sure didn't have too much
to leave behind, did they?

Not much.

All right, you two.

What? Oh, hey.

Oh, hello, Marshal.

Uh, hey, wake
up, Kelly, wake up.

- Uh-huh.
- Uh, oh...

We's just having a
little siesta in there.

- You were, huh?
- Uh-huh.

W-What are you doing
out this way, Marshal?

Well, I came out to see you.

Oh, that's right
neighborly of you.

I didn't come out 30 miles
just to be neighborly, Bunch.

Well, you know
what I mean, Marshal.

Doesn't look to me
like you've improved

this place much around here.

- Oh.
- Oh, uh, well, uh,

we've been working
awful hard on it, Marshal.

We've been working
real hard, ain't we, Bunch?

Uh, sure, sure, we have.

I-It takes time, Marshal,
but we've been staying with it.

We're good, honest
workers, me and Kelly.

You are, huh?

Where's your horses?

Uh, horses?

Oh, horses... I-I
tethered 'em o-over there

on the other side of the hill.

There's a little bit of
grass growing over there.

Grass.

There's probably
more growing in Texas.

Why didn't you just
take 'em down there?

Huh?

Uh, the marshal is joking.

Uh, Marshal, we've
been here right along.

Now, we didn't have
nothing to do with it.

We didn't go shoot
no stagecoach driver.

Kelly.

W-Well, we didn't, doggone it.

It's hunger makes
him talk crazy, Marshal.

He ain't been eating regular.

All right, take off your guns.

Oh, well... you want my gun?

Go on, take 'em off.

Oh, there you are.

Here's mine, Marshal.

Do anything you want to with it.

Some pair you two are.

You're lucky, though.

It doesn't look like
Slim Trent's going to die.

Then, you ain't gonna
take us in, are you?

It'll be dark in an hour.

We'll stay here tonight and go
back first thing in the morning.

Doggone you, Bunch, we
should have done what I said.

I-I'll listen to you
next time, Kelly.

Well, you'd better 'cause
we're in trouble now.

There's, uh, one thing.

What's that?

They feed you regular in jail.

Oh.

Your deal.

- What'll it be?
- Nothing.

- What?
- I don't drink, Obie,

and if you weren't
such a blinking fool,

you wouldn't drink either.

What's the matter
with you, mister?

This whole country is going
to the dogs on account of drink.

Why, there ain't
hardly a sober man left

west of the Mississippi.

It's a crying shame
what's going on.

Are you drunk?

No, I'm not drunk,
but these blokes are.

Here, look at him, hey?

Look at those there.

Well, they couldn't hardly
stand up if they wanted to.

You men are a horrible disgrace.

What's eating him?

Oh, you're rotten, lazy,
good-for-nothing drunks.

You ought to be
boiled and scalped.

What are you doing,
hanging around here, eh?

Why aren't you home in bed, eh?

Hey, you trying to
ruin my business?

I wish I could.

The world would be better off
without you and all your kind.

It would be better off without
the whole of Dodge City

if you ask me.

He's ruining my drink.

Let's throw him out.

I'm with you.

Hey, what are you doing?

We're gonna toss you
out into the street, mister.

We come in here for
a little peace and quiet,

not to listen to you pop off.

It's a good idea... get him.

Ha, now let's see you get rough.

Hey, put that
down, you darn fool.

You want to set
fire to this place?

Stand back now, I'm warning you.

One little move and
I'll smash this lamp.

You lay hands on me
and I'll fix you proper.

I'll burn this place
down to the ground.

The whole of Dodge
City will go up with it.

It's gone.

Whole inside's gone, burned out.

We're lucky it didn't
burn the whole town up.

That's what he wanted.

That's what he said...
"burn the whole town up."

Ain't that so, boys?

- Yeah.
- Ask Red and Pete what he said.

It ain't what he said, it's what
he done, the crazy darn fool.

He said we were no-good,
lazy, and I don't know what all.

You mean it was Harvey Easter?

A-A skinny fella
with a tall, black hat?

That's him, that's who it was.

That's the man that talked
me into quitting my job,

riding the shotgun.

Where is he anyway?

He owes me for
burning my place out.

I know where he is.

I mean, I know generally
where he is at this time of day.

Where's that, Louie?

Down by the river.

He took out and rented

that little shack
down near the bridge.

That man's got to
be taught a lesson.

Right.

And I got a good
idea how to do it.

What?

Some of you men go
down there and find him

and meet me at
the loading chute.

Meanwhile, I got
some stuff to get.

- Come on, men, let's get him.
- Let's find him.

All righty, men,
bring him over here.

What you gonna do
with that rope, Charlie?

Maybe he's fixing to lynch him.

Ah, you're rotten
scum, all of you.

You don't scare me.

You ain't got the
guts to lynch a man.

It's your talk that
got you here, Easter.

Maybe you'd better
shut up for a while.

Step out here, Easter.

Go on.

You know, I should
have known about you.

You were no good to start with.

Then, I got a lot of company

'cause, according to
you, nobody's no good.

Now, if it's a
lynching, I'm agin it.

Just take it easy, Obie,
we ain't gonna hang him.

I wouldn't have no
part of that myself.

I've had enough of
this blinking nonsense.

Get back.

What are you going
to do with that, Charlie?

Well, I'll tell you.

I had a grandma from back
east, back in New England,

and she used to tell me
stories about witches and stuff

and how they treated
them back there.

I figure what we got
here is a kind of a witch,

even if it is a man.

Along with being no
good, you're crazy.

So we're gonna tie
him up in this sack,

haul him up there, and
give him a good dunking.

Good idea.

That's a good idea.

Won't hurt him none,

and it just might teach him
to mind his own business.

You gonna step in here,

or are we gonna have
to tie you up, first?

Gotcha.

- All right.
- Hey! Stop that!

What the devil do you
think you're up to, eh?

Come on, you bunch of half-wits!

You wait till I come down
again; I'll settle with you.

You men will suffer for this!

All right, some of
you men grab that...

Pull!

Come on, let me out of here!

You men will suffer for this!

Upsy-daisy, Harvey!

Let him go!

Let him go!

Haul him up.

Up you go, Harvey!

Oh, no!

I'll drown! I'll drown!

All right, let him go!

All right, bring him
up. That's enough.

Haul him up again.

Let me out! Let me out!

Hey!

Hey, we got to get
him out of there.

Help him!

Hurry up, haul him out of there.

Pretty heavy.

- Lift him up.
- Here, pull.

Here he comes.

You getting him?

- Go.
- Go easy, now.

Hey, you fellas
watch it down there.

Don't let him drop, now.

All right.

- Go ahead.
- You got him?

All right. Easy there.

Take it easy, now.

Easy. Rest him all light.

Stay here.

What's going on?

It was Harvey Easter, Marshal.

He was in the
water tank up there,

and we was dunking
him to teach him a lesson

when the pole broke.

Let me in.

Dead.

Drowned dead.

What's the matter
with you men, anyway?

Is this your idea of
fun or something?

Well, we didn't mean it.

We was only dunking
him to teach him a lesson.

The pole broke.

We sure didn't aim
for this to happen.

It was an accident.

Think that makes it
any better, do you?

Let me tell you something.

You men are going up in front of

the circuit judge
when he gets here.

Every one of you.

Take him out and get him buried.

By golly, that is just
awful, ain't it, Mr. Dillon?

He was a terrible meddler,

but that's a bad way for
anybody to have to go.

Yeah.

Well, I guess he thought
he was doing right, Chester,

with the things he did.

Everything sure turned
against him though, didn't it?

Let's go.