Gunsmoke (1955–1975): Season 5, Episode 23 - Moo Moo Raid - full transcript

Old man Onie has a great swimming cow that can lead herds across rivers, and when they both come up missing, one trail boss accuses another of killing them.

♪♪ [theme]

starring James
Arness as Matt Dillon.

Hi there, Doc! Hold up a minute.

- Whoa.
- Ha!

Hi, Onie.

What's the matter,
Onie? Something wrong?

Just a minute. Get
down and I'll tell you.

Well, I can't do that,
Onie. I'm in a hurry.

You look all right to
me. What's the matter?

Oh, please, Doc, I
can't talk to you up there.

Get down and I'll tell you.

For heaven's sake, I
haven't got much time.

- What is it?
- Well, it's over...

- Well, come on.
- Huh?

Come on.

No, Doc... Lucretia.

Now you listen to me, Onie
Hager, I'm not a cow doctor.

I know, but you've
got to help us

because Lucretia's getting
too thin and it ain't good for her.

And then her eye
started to water,

especially first
thing in the morning.

And I don't know... I'm
just kind of worried about it.

I don't see how she's
lived as long as she has.

Well, that's because
I'm good to her.

You know, she's the finest river
swimmer in the whole of Kansas.

I don't know anything about
that river-swimming business.

Well, I'll tell you. Now
you see, them trail-herds

hire Lucretia to take
them across the river, Doc.

- Yeah.
- Now they've got to have a good leader

and a fine swimmer, because
all the cattle follow her.

Now if you tried to
drive a herd into the river,

well, they're just as liable to panic
and half of them get drownded.

You'd think they'd have their
own river swimmers with them.

Well, some of them do
and some of them don't.

Them who don't... why
they take Lucretia and me.

I tell you, Onie, she just may
not be getting enough to eat.

I've just never seen it so
dry around here... no grazing.

Oh, this is one of the
driest springs we ever had.

I doubt if there's a blade of
green grass for miles around here.

Well, is she getting
plenty of salt?

Well, I keep a cake
handy for her all the time,

but I'll see now that she gets a
good lick every day from now on.

All right, Onie, you do that.
She'll be all right, I think.

Say, come in and set a spell
and I'll make you cup of hot coffee.

No no, can't do it, Onie.
I've got to be on my way.

Why, I just got the
place readied up

and it's just as neat
and clean as can be.

Well, thanks, but
some other time.

- Ah. Oh, Doc?
- Huh?

Next time you come
by, I'll have a little...

Well, that'll be different.

Yeah. [chuckles]


Say, who are you
looking for, Mr. Lee?

Gib Collins. He rode out to take a
look at that blasted Arkansas River.

We're almost there, ain't we?

We are, boy, as
well as them cattle.

Well then, what are
you so worried about?

That river. If it's high, we're
gonna need help leading the herd in.

Oh? What kind of help?

Onie Hager and his cow.

Look, boy, don't you know
Bert Downey's driving a big herd

not more than a day behind us?


Well, he crosses that river and gets
to them Dodge shipping pens first,

he gets the big price
for his cattle; not me.


I don't know as you'll ever
make a cowman or not, boy.

Here comes Gib now.

What'd you find, Gib?

That river is higher
than blazes, Tush.

I guarantee you that herd
won't do nothing but drink from it.

Then we'll have
to get Onie Hager.

They'll follow that
cow of his anywhere.

I wouldn't want
to try it without her.

Boy, you ride on
back. Tell Jim Okie

that Gibbs and me are riding over
to fetch Onie Hager and his cow.

Tell him to hold the herd a mile
south of the river till we get back.

Okay. Yes sir, Mr. Lee.

I'll sure do that.

No reason why we can't
cross tomorrow, Tush.

Yeah, but I should have sent
somebody on ahead yesterday.

Could have had the cow
waiting for us right now.

We won't never
cross it settin' here.

You're right. Let's go.


Onie Hager? It's me... Tush Lee.

Where do you suppose
he could have got to?

I don't know.

You don't suppose Bert Downey
got here ahead of us, do you?

He's a day's drive
behind us, ain't he?

You said yourself we should
have sent somebody on ahead.

You're right, Gib.

Better take a look inside.

What hit this place?

They sure had some fight.

Hey, Gib?


You thinking what I am?

- Bert Downey.
- Yeah.

Remember what I told
you coming up the trail?

I found out before we left,

Bert Downey's got two or three
good swimmers in that herd.

He can cross the river
without that cow of Onie's.

And leave us a'settin'
on the far side.

Yeah, that's what he done.

He come on ahead here and
took care of Onie and that poor cow.

Took real good care
of them, if you ask me.

He murdered 'em, Gib.

He murdered them in cold blood.

That's just what happened.
It's as plain as anything.

What kind of a man
would murder a cow, Gib?

This here's a case for the law.

It sure is.

We'll ride on into Dodge and
get that Bert Downey hung...

That's what we'll do.


I tell you, Mr. Dillon, if things
get much quieter around here,

this town is going
to lose its reputation.

Yeah, I don't think it
would hurt it a bit, Chester.

- Well, you could lose your job.
- Well, I guess it's not too late.

I might be able to find myself
some honest work somewhere.

Well now, I didn't
mean that at all.

- Marshal?
- Ah.

- Well.
- Tush.

Getting in early this year, huh?

Marshal, I'd like to ask
you just one question.

What's that?

Why don't you go out and hang the
man who murdered Onie Hager's cow?

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about 1400 head of
Circle-C cattle I gotta cross that river

and the buyer sitting
in the Dodge House

just waiting to pay
me any price I ask

for bringing in the first
trail herd of the season.

Yeah, you want Onie's cattle
to swim 'em across for you, huh?

Onie ain't there, Marshal.
Neither is his cow.

Well, maybe he went
visiting somewheres.

Wouldn't take the cow, would he?

Well, I don't know. He's
awful fond of that cow.

That's got nothing
to do with it.

Look, Marshal, Onie's
shack is all tore up

and there's blood
spattered all over anyplace.

Now him and the cow is gone.

They've been slaughtered and throwed
into the river, and we know who done it.

We just come from there. We
got all the evidence we need.

It was Bert Downey, Marshal.
He's just a day behind me on the trail

and he wouldn't stop at
nothing to get his herd in first.

He's just that low-down mean.

We figure they drove that cow down
to the river, shot her and sunk her.

Chester, you'd better
get the horses saddled up.

- Yes sir.
- You going after him, Marshal?

Well, first I'm gonna stop out to
Onie's shack and take a look around.

- Don't you believe us, Marshal?
- Yeah yeah, I believe you,

but I can't go and arrest Bert Downey
without some kind of evidence, you know.

We already gave
you the evidence.

I'm sorry, Tush, it just
doesn't work that easy.

Well, I'll go find that
cow-murdering thief myself

and I'll hang him high,
Marshal. I promise you that.

Tush, you know better than
to try something like that.

Oh, Matt?

I was by Onie Hager's just a
week ago. He was all right then.

See that cow of his
around anywhere?

Oh sure. That's
why he stopped me.

He had some fool notion
that she was losing weight

- and awful sick or something.
- That cow must be older than he is.

Well, she can still swim, Kitty.

Onie does right well with
her every season, you know.

You know, a funny thing:
Bert Downey was in here

- just before you and Chester came in.
- He was?

Say, he must have had
an awful good reason

to leave that herd and
come on into town, huh?

I'd better find him and have a
talk with him. I'll see you later.

- Bert wasn't there, huh?
- No. Nobody's seen him.

Well, maybe he left town,
rolled back out to his herd.

We'll try the Lady Gay. If he's
not there, we'll ride out to Onie's.

It's the last chance
we got anyway.

Mr. Dillon? Mr. Dillon?

Bert Downey.

Well, looks like Tush
found him before we did.

Man ain't ought to say nothing
about nobody unless he can prove it.

Everybody knows what kind
of people some people are.

With them, kind
provin' ain't needed.

Coming from a man nobody
ever trusted in his whole born days,

that's sure fine talk.

You're plain greedy.
That's what you are, Bert.

And this time it got the
best of you. That's what it did.

I still ain't heard you
name no names, Tush Lee.

You shut your face
long enough and you will.

Now I'm claiming that you done
away with Onie Hager and his cow.

That's a lie, Tush Lee.

You can draw that thing
any time you're ready.

[Dillon] Hold it.

[Lee] There's your man, Marshal.

- Now do your duty.
- What are you doing in Dodge, Bert?

I thought your herd was a
day's drive south of here.

- That was yesterday.
- I'll tell you what he was doing.

I come into town to see the cattle
buyer. That's what I was doing.

You came into town to kill Onie Hager
and his cow. That's what you done.

Why would I? I got three
good swimmers in my herd.

- I don't need that cow.
- But you knew I did.

That's why you done her in.

Now are you going to
arrest him, Marshal, or not?

No, I'm not. I can't arrest a
man just on your say-so, Tush.

I'm gonna have to take
matters into my own hands.

I gave you a chance, Marshal.
Now if you're not going to do your job,

I'm gonna bring my men
into town and do it for you.

'Cause he's gonna hang for sure.

Well, if a man's going to be bushwhacked,
he shouldn't ought to stand around

and do nothing to
protect himself, should he?

Bert, don't make things
any worse than they are.

He's out to hang me.

I'm going back and get
my men. Come on, boys.

I think that's all
just talk, Mr. Dillon.

Well, we'll go on out to Onie's place,
look around and see what we can find.

It don't look too
bad, Mr. Dillon,

but somebody
tore a door off there.

[Dillon] Let's
take a look inside.

Well, that Tush
Lee sure was right.

I'll tell you... for such a little
feller, that Onie really put up a fight.

Look at this... blood.

Well, that miserable
Bert Downey.

Can you imagine
anybody killing anyone

just so's they can get
more money for their cattle?

Chester, some men will do
anything for a little more money.

I guess you're right.

- Well, there's only one thing missing.
- What?

- Onie.
- Oh, you mean his body?

Let's go outside and take
a look around the grove.

[Man] Looks like they
come in ahead of us, boss.

Yeah, look at 'em.

Tush Lee's private
lynching party.

Ride down there shooting,
they'll scatter like...

- Put the rifle away.
- But boss...

I didn't bring you men
here to get you killed.

I'll face Tush Lee alone.

Them Circle-C riders
ain't gonna kill nobody.

We'll leave every one of
them bleeding in the dust.

I said no. I just
brought you men along

to make sure that Tush Lee
doesn't hang me, that's all.

Well, he ain't gonna do that.

All right. We're gonna ride down
there; I'm gonna call Tush Lee out.

But I don't want any
gunplay, you understand?

Not unless they start it.

They'll start it. That's
what they come for.

All right, let's ride.

Well, it's your play, Tush.

I'm gonna hang you, Bert.

I don't care how many men
you're trying to hide behind.

He ain't hiding behind nobody.

We just come along to
make sure you Circle-C men

- don't try none of your sneaky tricks.
- All right, Joe, be quiet.

Take it easy.

What are you trying to do,
turn this into a real slaughter?

Well now, a bloody awful
butcher like you shouldn't mind that.

He didn't say we weren't
ready and willing to fight.

I got my eye on that'un, Tush.

Want I should shoot him now?

[Lee] I'll give the
word when, Gib.

Well, give it. I'm
getting impatient.

All right, you men just sit
here and be quiet for a minute.

They make a lot of noise, that
little handful you brung, don't they?

All right, Tush Lee, what is this
coward's game you're playing?

Ha! That's fine talk

from someone who murdered
an old man and his cow.

Sneak up on him at night, did
you? Catch him in bed asleep?

You'd better shut that big mouth of
yours or I'll blow it shut with a bullet.

Well, I reckon you can try
that anytime you want, Bert.

I sure will.

As soon as you draw, I'm
gonna blow your head off.

Well, go ahead. What
are you waiting for?

- You afraid?
- I ain't gonna draw first.

You aim to get me hanged
any way you can, don't you?

After you.

All right.

We'll both draw together.

How we gonna do that?

I'll count. When I get
to three, we both draw.

All right. You sure
you can handle it?

Handle what?

Countin' that high.

Why you...

Hey, Tush, we got visitors.

All right, hold it.

Now get on your feet.

What's the matter? You trying to
start a range war or something here?

Just doing your job for
you, Marshal. That's all.

My job's to stop fights,
not start 'em, Tush.

He was trying to hang
me like I told you, Marshal.

- That's because you deserve to hang.
- Because you say so?

Look, the evidence
is against you, Bert.

It's as clear as day. Anybody
with a brain would know that.

Yeah, except for
one small item, Tush:

We couldn't find Onie
Hager's body anywhere.

- You ain't gonna find it either, Marshal.
- Of course not.

'Cause you threw him in the river,
didn't you? Him and the cow both.

Tush, I told you, I'm not
gonna take any more of this!

- All right, hold it, both of you.
- You're interfering, Marshal.

I aim to.

Don't you know one word from me
and my boys will blow you to pieces?

Will they?

- All right.
- Fine lawman, ain't you?

Do they pay you to
get in the way of justice?

You're protecting a murderer,
Marshal. That's what you're doing.

I'll take your gun, Tush.

- Only if you take his.
- I'm going to.

- It's all right with me, Marshal.
- [Dillon] All right.

Now till I get this thing
settled one way or another,

you're going to jail... both
of you. Get your horses.

All right, boys. The
show's over. Get mounted.

[cow bell clanging]

[cow moos]

- Onie?
- Hello, Marshal.

Mighty pleasant day, ain't it?

Or maybe you don't think so.

Onie, where have you been?

[laughs] Oh, Lucretia and me has
been up the Kayawa Meadows for a spell.

Kayawa Meadows?

My goodness, it's all
covered with green grass

and fresh clover up there.

Just the finest thing
in the world for Lucretia

after she been on
that dry food all winter.

Oh, tell me this, Marshal...

Has there been any excitement
in town since I've been gone away?

[laughs] Oh no,
not a bit of it, Onie.

Well, Tush, are you satisfied?
What do you say now?

What about all that
blood in his cabin?

Yeah, Onie, it looks like somebody
tore your place apart there.

Oh, well, that was
Lucretia who done that.

Now you see, she didn't
know where we were going.

She put up the doggonedest
ruckus you ever seen

until I calmed her down.
And you know what she done?


You see that big slash on there?

Well, she hit that on
the corner of my bunk.

But that's just gonna
heal up all right.

Well, how did she get
into the house anyway?

Into the house?

Where do you think
I keep her, outdoors?

Well... well, no
no, of course not.

Tush, I ought to...
you know, you...

Well, you sure made me look bad.

Well, how was I to know?

Look, Bert, when
we get into Dodge,

I might set up the drinks
for you and the boys...

That is if you're of mind to.

Yeah, that might be
a pretty good idea.

Onie, you have that cow down
at the river in a couple hours,

I got a job for her.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Lee,

but Lucretia can't
go swimming today.

She's been eating too
much green clover up there.

She ain't fit to go in
the water until, well...

after tomorrow.

[Lee] But that's too late.

[laughs] I'm awful
sorry, Mr. Lee.

Sorry? Look, Onie, you
have that cow down at the river

- or I'll stretch you both over a log.
- [Downey] Now wait a minute, Tush.

You're always so all-fire
ready to string somebody up.

Well, what else am I gonna do?

Well, you can throw
your herd in with mine.

I've got three good swimmers.

Then when we get to Dodge,
we can hold out for the same price.

Bert, would you really do that?

Sure. Come on, let's go to
Dodge and have those drinks.

- Uh, that is all right, isn't it, Marshal?
- You betcha.

Just leave enough of the town
standing so's we'll recognize it.

- I don't know as we can guarantee that.
- Well, I guess it doesn't matter.

This town could stand
to be rebuilt anyway.

All right, come
on, let's ride, men.

So long, Onie.

- [all hooting]
- So long, Marshal.

Lucretia, let's you
and me just go home.

[all calling out]