Gunsmoke (1955–1975): Season 4, Episode 18 - Marshal Proudfoot - full transcript

Chester's Uncle Wesley comes to Dodge and thinks Chester is the marshal, and Matt goes along with the gag, playing the deputy.

starring
James Arness as Matt Dillon.

Well, why don't
you close the door?

Oh, well, I didn't
want to wake you up.



Ain't you in bed
a little early today?

I'm not in bed,
I'm just resting.

Oh. Do you feel
all right, do you?

Oh, yeah, sure, I feel fine.

I always lie around in
the middle of the day like this.

Mm, yeah, I notice you been
doing quite a bit of that.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

What's the matter now?

Well, it's cold,
cold as a winter moon.

Well, don't drink it, then.

It's no better hot.

What's this?



Jack Pargo,
for robbery and murder.

"Believed headed
for Kansas and Colorado.

Travels with partner,
name unknown."

Hey, he's mean looking, huh?

Yeah.

Well, I can... I can see
if he shows up around Dodge

he'll sure get his comeuppance.

Well, I'll take care of him
when he gets here.

Gives me a great feeling
of security.

Marshal in here?

Yeah, yeah, I'm the marshal.

I say, Marshal Goode...

hereabout, is he?

Marshal Goode?

Oh, thank you.

No,

neither one of you.

I say neither one of you's
the marshal.

I'm his uncle;
I'd know him anywhere.

Who's he talking about?

Well, I don't know.

Oh, th-there's no need
to get up there.

I... I just come by
to see my nephew,

Marshal Chester Goode.

You know, that boy made out
somehow, he did.

He wasn't one of
my brightest relatives.

11 nephews I had.

Nary a child of my own;
I didn't marry.

I ain't shook a hand here yet.

- What's your name, sonny?
- The name's Dillon, Matt Dillon.

- Diddle?
- Dillon.

Diddle? Funny name.

You know, I knew a feller
named Haregroove once.

But that was the funniest
up till now.

Uh, Doc, I think maybe
you better go find Chester.

Yeah,

I-I think so.

- Who's that fella?
- That's Doc Adams there.

Yeah, I'm glad to know you.

Is he talking?

I said I was glad to know you.

- Oh. My name's Wesley Goode.
- How do?

Uncle to a marshal,
it turns out.

11 nephews I had... Chester
was nowhere near the brightest.

Is that so?

- No, about number nine there.
- Hm.

No, Chester just borders
on being ignorant, I'd say.

- Mm-hmm.
- You know, my brother died,

and I took the boy in.

You know, I don't
know how Chester

ever come to be a marshal.

I never thought
he'd amount to nothin', no.

- What'd you say your name was?
- Adams.

Hm?

Dr. Adams's my name.

- Dr. Adams, huh?
- Yeah.

Horses or people?

What?

I say, you doctor horses
or people?

Well, I-I doctor people!

Too bad.

I'd never let
a people doctor work on me.

Well, I think I'd better get

a cup of that stuff.

Hey, I wonder where
that Chester is, anyway.

Well, he's down in the post
office picking up the mail.

- Hm?
- I say, he's down

at the post office
getting the mail.

Oh, good for him!

He's got spunk.
Probably out running down

some of them bad men
he always writes about.

He used to have an assistant
named... Dillon.

Whatever become of him?

Dillon?

That's him.
That's his assistant,

Dillon, right there.

Well, you do a pretty fair job,
according to Chester.

Says he can
usually depend on you.

That so?

Oh. Well, howdy, Doc.

Well, Mr. Dillon, there...
there wasn't too much mail.

Who's the skinny fella?

Chester, you, uh,
got company here.

- Uncle Wesley?
- Is that really you, Chester?

Well, well, of course it's me!

It's good to see ya!

You didn't forget me.

No, no, no, I didn't.

- l-I come to see you, in fact.
- Yeah, well.

By golly, it's just
awful good to see you.

Oh, Mr. Dillon, th-this fella...

Chester, you've grown
an awful good deal.

Your assistant here
looks better than you do.

Why is that?

Yeah, well...

Assistant?

Uh, I mean, you, uh...

Mr. Dillon, he... did he say
anything to you? Uh...

Yeah, Marshal, he did.

Oh, "Marshal." Well...

Uh...

Oh, uh, Uncle Wesley,
would you... maybe...

Are you tir...
Would you like to get a...

How about some beer?
Uh, uh, glass of beer...

Beer? Yeah, I could use
a glass of beer before dinner.

Good, fine.

That's... uh...

Uh...

My uncle, he's had a long trip.

He's thirsty, I know.

Look of things,
you run a clean town here, boy.

- It's good to look at.
- Well...

Like we say back home... Hey.

There's something
really worth looking at.

Hey, there, Chester.

Well, Miss Kitty.

O-Oh, uh, uh, Miss Kitty,
this here is my Uncle Wesley.

Uncle Wesley, this is

Miss Kitty Russell.

How do you do?

I, uh, I come to visit
my nephew, I did.

Well, I think
that's just wonderful.

How long are you gonna stay?

Am I proud of that boy!

He's hardly dry behind the ears,

and yet already
he's running this town.

As young as he is,
he's a United States...

Oh! W-Wait, uh...

I... We're gonna have to hurry

if we're not gonna be late.

Excuse us, Miss Kitty.
Uh, uh...

When you start moving, boy,
you do it in a hurry.

Yeah.

Mighty fine vittles
you bought me, Chester.

Well, I... I'm glad that
you like 'em, Uncle Wesley.

Long time since we sit down to
a meal together, ain't it, boy?

Oh, yeah, it's, uh...

Yeah, I kind of miss them days.

You was just awful good to me,
even as worthless as I was.

I admit, I never thought
you'd amount to nothin'.

No, sir, I didn't, but...

boy, I'm proud of you.

United States Marshal...
that's really something.

Wanna see you in action
once or twice,

and have to be on my way...
I just want to see you

handle a couple
of bad men first.

Well, there ain't
no bad men around.

- Ain't no bad men, huh?
- No.

- You run 'em all out, did ya?
- Yeah. Uh, no, uh...

How do you know
they won't be back?

- Tell me that.
Well...

Well, I don't know.

I just, uh, uh...

Uncle Wesley, you know,
I think that

we ought to just go
right over to the Dodge House

and get you fixed up
with a room.

- Room? What do you mean?
- Yeah. Well, a-a place

where you can sleep, now, 'cause
you just got to have a room.

Uh, we'll go over there
together, Uncle Wesley.

- I'll go. I'll go.
- I'll go right with you.

Uh, well good!

I'm proud to be seen
with you anyplace.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, I-I'll get that.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

- That, uh... that...
- Yeah.

Well... what are you
gonna do about it?

Do about what?

About Chester.

Well, what can I do, Doc?

What, you mean you're gonna...

you're gonna let him
get by with it?

Well, that's Chester's worry;
it's not doing me any harm.

Well, you better
let me buy, now, Matt.

You're an assistant marshal...
I don't think you can afford it.

All right, you just
talked yourself into it.

- Kitty, hi. - Hi, Kitty.
- Hi, Doc, Matt.

What's the matter with you?

You look strange.

Oh, well, uh, you tell her,
you tell her, Matt.

No, you tell her... you're
the one that's looking strange.

Well, uh... well, here,
let's have a drink first.

Uh, Sam, about
three whiskeys over here.

No, no, you can skip me...
I'm not feeling good, anyway.

Oh. Well, then just two.

And bring 'em over
to the table.

Uh, let's sit down here.
Come on.

Well, now will somebody
tell me what's the matter?

I just doubt if any of us'll
ever see Chester again.

What happened?

Well...

I bet you he's out
just trying to dig a hole

for himself someplace.

Will somebody please
tell me what happened?

Well, I-I'm sorry.

You see... Chester's
Uncle Wesley came to town.

Oh, I know that; I met him.

- I think he's nice.
- You met him, huh?

- Mm-hmm.
- Well, you see, uh,

Chester's uncle
thinks that Chester

is the United States
Marshal here.

What?

Thanks, Sam.
That's the truth, ain't it?

Yeah, I'm afraid so.

You know,
Chester's been writing letters

to his uncle,
and I guess he kind of

let his imagination
run away with him.

Well, now I can understand
why he was so fidgety today.

Oh, he's nervous.

- Where are they?
- I don't know, he took him out

to buy dinner and drinks
a while ago.

Well, they didn't come in here.

Oh, well,
I wouldn't expect him to.

He's probably trying
to hide him out somewhere.

Now, listen,
don't you be too hard on him.

Well, I'm not gonna
be hard on him.

Listen, if Chester
wants his uncle to think

he's the marshal around here,
it's all right with me,

I'll tell you.

You know, it would be real nice
if we could think of something

that would make Chester
look like a real big hero

while his uncle's here.

A hero?

Say, you could get somebody
to, um, to pretend a holdup,

and let Chester play the marshal
and bring 'em all in and...

Now, now, just wait
a minute, now, Kitty.

That's, uh...

that's carrying things
a little too far.

Well, there must be
something we can do

to make Chester look good.

Well, now, here, certainly...
Here, I've got it.

Now, listen.

You're sick.

- Huh?
- Yes.

And then I'll tell
everybody in town

that you've got
a rare blood disease, you see?

And I'll have
to keep you in bed

- for a few days, huh?
- In the first place,

what good would it do
for me to pretend I'm sick?

Well, for heaven's sakes, then
Chester won't depend on you.

He won't come running to you.

He'll just jump in there
and do it all

- himself.
- Oh, come on, Matt,

you just got to do it.

Oh, no, I don't.

Now, that... staging a robbery,
somebody could get hurt.

- Aw.
- Now, I don't mind

going along with a joke...
I mean, I'll take my badge off

or something for a few days...
but that's as far as I go.

- Well, where are you going?
- Well, I'm leaving.

I'm going back to the office.

I don't feel good, and you're
not helping matters any.

Go ahead, go on back
to the office, then.

Ruin an old man's last days,
if you want to.

You better get some rest;
you look like you need it.

Yeah, well, I aim to.

You owe me a drink.

I don't owe you anything.

Oh, yes, I do, too, don't I.

All right, anytime.

What do you think?

- Oh, Matt?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, he'll come around;
he always does, you know that.

What are we gonna do?

Well, let me see,
we got to... figure...

- Moss Grimmick.
- Hm?

We'll stage the whole holdup
at the livery stable, hah?

You think Moss'll agree?

I'll go see right now.

I'll ask him.

Right fancy place
you got here, Chester.

Well, 'tain't mine, it's...

Oh, my goodness.

That, uh...

I can't sleep
on nothin' that soft. I...

This must be a room
for ladies, Chester.

Oh, no, no, no.

The rooms is all alike,
Uncle...

Uh, uh, Uncle Wesley,
would-would you mind

if you put the rifle down?

Makes people nervous when...

Would you give me the rifle?

There.

Something going on?

You gonna shoot somebody?
Where they at?

Oh, no, no,
I ain't gonna shoot nobody.

- You ain't wearing a gun.
- Huh? Uh, oh.

- Chester, where's your gun?
- Oh. well,

uh, uh, thing-things
is-is quiet...

Where's your badge at?

- Well, uh... - Look, what
kind of a marshal are you?

Folks ain't gonna have
no respect for you.

Well, like I said, Uncle Wesley,

uh, there ain't
no bad men around,

and, uh, of course, there ain't
no need for that kind of stuff.

Can't you tell me
some stories about

some of them bad men you fought
and such like as that?

Well, I-I don't think
I could do that.

You can't?
You're too modest, huh?

What's the matter, you sick?

No, I'm just plumb wore out.

From what, boy?
You ain't done nothin' all day.

Hey, come on, get up,
let's have a little action.

Uncle Wesley, why don't you just
go over by the window there

and kindly keep a lookout.

Yeah.

Let you know
if something turns up, huh?

Yeah.

That's smart.

You save your strength;
I'll keep watch.

- Where are you going? - Well,
to keep an eye on the street.

Well, no, wait, Uncle Wesley.

I-I-I meant from the window,
Uncle Wesley.

Oh, I-I can't hear nothing
from there.

- I'll set on the porch.
- Well, no, no, y-you see,

you get talking
to people down there...

You-you save your strength...
and don't you worry.

I'll holler out
first thing I see going wrong.

Uh...

Oh, what am I gonna do?

Anybody here?

Is anybody in here?

Huh?

Oh.

There you are, Dillon.

Took to your bed
kind of early, ain't you?

Ain't but 6:00.

I'm sick, Mr. Goode;
I feel terrible.

That's too bad.

You know, Chester ain't feeling
up to snuff, neither.

He's been lollin'
around my bed all day.

Yeah.

Well, he's probably hiding.

Well, it-it's a good thing
you boys have got

such a dead town on your hands.

Boy, people would be up a creek

with both the marshal
and his assistant in bed.

Hooch over there.

Hm?

I said, hooch over there.

Your eyes.

Can tell exactly and everything
about how a man feels

by lookin' into his eyes.

Look at me, Dillon.

Well, I can't do anything

but look at you.

Yep. That's it.

Bad eyes.

Got a good voice but bad eyes.

You know, them eyes
remind me of my brother.

Chester's other uncle, Hector.

Last time he looked
slack-eyed like that,

he died next day.

You say somethin'?

No, no, no...

Forget it.

- Thought you talked.
- No.

Hector was
Chester's fightin' uncle.

Wasn't like me.

Guess that's where Chester
gets all his get-up-and-go.

Yeah.

Well, how are you, Mr. Goode?

- Oh, it's you, Adams.
- How are you?

Got a sick deputy there.

Better get a horse doctor,
get him straightened out.

Oh, in bed, huh?
What are you doing in bed?

I'm in bed 'cause I'm sick, Doc.

Did you ever hear
anything like that?

Well, say, sick, huh?

Well, that-that's just fine.

Yeah, that's what
I thought you'd say.

- But, Doc, uh...
- Hah?

Do me a favor, will you?

- Yeah.
- Get him out of here.

Take him to supper, anything,
but j-just get him out of here.

Oh, well, sure, sure.
Say, you know something?

Your eyes look
a little beady, all right.

If I didn't know better, I'd...
I'd say you really had a fever.

- Yes, sir, we got a sick boy
there, Adams. - Yeah.

- Go on...
- Yeah, well, I'll tell...

Mr. Goode, uh,
I'll take you to supper, huh?

Supper?
Too early for supper.

I'll, um... take a glass
of Dutch water with you, though.

Don't let on to Chester,
will you?

Oh, no, of course not.

Now, Matt,
you stay right in bed,

and... and I'll tell Kitty
you're right with us.

Good, just go.

Yes, sir, that-that boy
is sicker than a pig.

Stay in bed, you'll be fine.

Okay, now I'm with you?

Oh, no.

Darn fools.

Hi, Kitty.

Oh, you look terrible.

Ah, I feel terrible.

Have you seen Doc?
Has he been in here?

Well, he was
a little while ago. Why?

Well, I've been looking
all over town for him.

He's-he's with Chester's uncle.

- I got to find him.
- Why?

Well, I have to put a stop
to this fool idea

that you and he had.

Well, what do you mean
"fool idea"?

Doc said it was on and that
you were in bed playing sick.

Playing sick?
I was in bed because I was sick.

And I still am,
as a matter of fact.

What about this thing,
is it still on?

Well, certainly it's still on.

It's all set.

Moss Grimmick's gonna come
running into the Dodge House,

yelling and screaming about
a holdup at the livery stable,

and Doc's gonna make sure
that Chester hears about it

and that you're sick.

Now, what's wrong with that?

What's wrong with that?

Now, suppose
somebody comes along

and doesn't know it's a joke.

You know,
somebody could be killed.

Oh, Matt,
nobody's gonna get hurt.

And you know Chester...
he'll really fall for it.

Oh, yeah, I know Chester.

That's what I'm worried about.

Now, I'm going down
to Moss Grimmick's,

and I'm gonna put an end
to this once and for all.

Oh, you've got
no sense of humor.

Ain't much of a town, is it?

Well, you got
an awful empty belly

to be complainin'
about any town.

You're right.

I'm sure tired of being broke.

You know, you ought
to get yourself a job.

You're fooling.

No, I ain't.

You seen that bank we come by.

Yeah.

Oh. Oh, I get it.

Sure.

We'll go get ourselves
a job there.

Nah, the bank's closed.

Besides, I want to get
out of Dodge quick as I can.

They got a rough marshal here.

Then what are we gonna do?

We'll inquire over at the hotel.

They always have some cash
laying around.

Good enough.

You still abed?

Oh. Uncle Wesley.

Ain't you never gonna get up?

Well, yeah, yeah,
I'm gonna get up.

Well, it's about time.

We're eating
with that Adams fella.

With, uh, who?

Adams... that people doctor.

Hey, he-he's a real nice fella.

He bought me a couple of nips...
Never mind.

We... we had a little talk.

Wha... Wh-What?

What-what did you talk about?

Talk? I ain't talkin'
about nothing.

Oh, hey, I-I seen
your assistant, though.

Took to his bed...
sick boy, bad eyes.

Who? Mr. Dillon is sick?

Yeah. Looks real peaked
laying there.

Well, if you're gonna eat

with that Adams fella and me,
you better come on.

Oh, supper with Doc
at a time like this?

Well, he's waiting downstairs.

Well, uh...
well, you go ahead.

Uh, I'll be down just as
soon as I wash up, and...

- You gonna wash up, huh?
- Yeah.

That's a good idea.
I-I'll tell Adams.

Yeah. Yeah.

All right, just do as I say

and nobody will get hurt.

Your cash box...
open it and scoop it out.

We got no money.

You expect to live long
talking like that?

Come on, boy, they're here.

- Huh?
- They're here.

They're here, I tell you.

Mount up.
Time's come to fight.

Well, what are
you talking about?

Bad men...
they're holding up the hotel.

They're gonna rob money
and kill people.

You got to stop 'em.
Take that.

Well, don't just stand there.

Action.

A bloodbath's coming on.

The whole town's
depending on you.

I'll take this.

We'll stand 'em off together,
side by side, you and me.

Come on.

That safe... open it, fast.

Yes, sir.
W-Well, open it, Howard.

Oh, yes, sir.

I'm going down below.

There's a stairway
leading down the back.

We just got two bullets
between us.

Now, for goodness sakes,
don't waste yours.

Get the rest of it.

But... that's all there is.

I'll give you a third eye,
and maybe you can see better.

No, no. No.

Look.

See? It's empty.

And that's where
we keep all the money.

It's all there, I swear it.

Drop that gun.

Drop it!

Look out.
Look out, I'll kill you.

Get him, Chester!

That's it, Chester!

That's right.

That's it!

That's it!

That's it, boy!

You're doing fine! Yes!

Matt! Matt, here, come here.

You know what Chester did?

He got... by thunder,
he got 'em both.

- Look here.
- That's my boy, the marshal.

H-He got that other bandit, too,
and he got this, too.

Here, Chester, it's all right.

- Not a bad day's work, huh?
- Leave him alone, now.

They was robbing the place,
Mr. Dillon.

Yeah, I know.

Matt? Matt?

Huh?

By golly, he killed him.

He's dead.

- What?
- Yes, sir.

Well, I told you something
like this would happen, Doc.

Well... oh, no,
do you know who that man is?

That's-that's that Pargo,

that Jack Pargo
from the wanted posters.

What?

Well, sure, look...
Iook at him.

See?

Chester! Chester, hurry!

There's a holdup
over at the livery stable!

- Moss, Moss, forget it.
- What?

It's all over.
Go on back.

Yeah, but-but Doc told me...

It doesn't matter
what Doc told you.

Get back there and call off
that holdup right away.

- Go on.
- But, Doc...

Yes, uh, we...

Go on back. Forget it.

- Go on, get going, quick.
- Well, well, well, all right.

I don't know why I got mixed up
in this anyway.

- Notice something here, Dillon?
- Hm?

Chester was right on the spot.

That's why he took to hanging
around my hotel room.

He-He's got an instinct
for things like that.

Put him right on the spot
for the robbery.

Now, there's a reason
for everything, I always say.

Yeah.

Well, there's a reason,
all right.

- What'd you say?
- Uh, Mr. Dillon,

I-I think that I could explain
something to you here. Uh...

Chester, look, you don't have
to explain a thing.

Just-just do me a favor
if you can,

clean up this mess here
and do something with the body.

I'm awful sick...
I'm-I'm going back to bed.

Oh, no, no, no,
you don't, Dillon.

You can't count on me
for that kind of thing.

I'm... I'm leaving
on the morning stage

now that I've seen
Chester in action.

Well, all right, Mr. Goode, it
was very nice to know you and...

good luck to you.

Uh, Mr. Dillon?

Mr. Dillon, I got
to explain something to you.

No, Chester, you don't have
to explain a thing.

No, no, sir, I do, I do.

I-I-I just never been
so humiliated in my whole life.

I've just been a-laying,
a-thinking about it all day,

and... well, I never wrote
but two letters to Uncle Wesley,

and...

well, maybe I did...

stretch a thing
here or there and...

But good gravy, Mr. Dillon,

he put 'em together,
and he made me out all wrong.

But I'm gonna
set him straight, Mr. Dillon.

I'm gonna tell him the truth,
I'm gonna tell him the truth

right now.

Chester... you do,
and you're fired.

Now, you go on back in there
and help your uncle.

You know, he's, uh,
he's pretty proud of you.

Matter of fact, so am I.