Gunsmoke (1955–1975): Season 20, Episode 19 - Brides and Grooms - full transcript

In a hurried, all-comic sequel to "The Wiving," the sons of a loony farmer have all finally found women willing to marry them (the farmer makes a play for Hannah Cobb, in her second appearance, and is turned down again). But finding wives was easy by comparison to actually marrying them!

(theme music)


With Milburn Stone as Doc...

Ken Curtis as Festus...

Buck Taylor as Newly...

And starring James
Arness as Matt Dillon.

A marrying!

That's what we're gonna have!

(man) A marrying!

I want you boys settled in
with them women proper!

Work around this place
been falling off terrible

since you boys stoked them
womens up here from Dodge.

Wasn't what I
had in mind at all.

We've been working, Pa.
You know we've been working.

Yeah, Pa.

And I know what
you been working at

and it ain't been farming,
'cept in your spare time.

With them womens
living up to the house

and you boys down
here to the barn,

a marrying's the
only thing I can I figure

that'll halt the traffic
twixt here and there

from dusk till dawn!

I can't get no sleep!

You've been sneaking around
peeking, ain't you old buzzard?


I don't have to sneak when
the whole congregation's

out there tripping over
dogs and stepping on cats

and kicking milk buckets and...

Sound plum envious to me.

Sound like that you to, Ike?

Yeah, I believe
you're right, Shep.

I think the old man's covetous.

Boy, don't you start
nothing you can't handle

or it's gonna be
you and me head on!


I want grandkids!

And I don't want to have
to call 'em by seven letters!

Oh, Ike!

Ike, the stove up in the
kitchen won't draw right.

Would you mind coming
up and giving me a hand?

Why sure honey,
I'll be right out.

Boy, don't you put
down that pitchfork.

Now Pa, if you don't
want a cold dinner,

I'm gonna go up there
and fire up that stove!

Anyway, I won't
be gone very long.


Just long enough. Pa.

- (giggling)
- (door creaking)

(Jed) What are
you grinning at boy?

Oh Pa, I reckon Ike'll get
something cooking right away.

Your mouth is gonna
bring you to grief

one of these days, boy.

Pa, Emily sort of had
her set on a fall wedding.

Luke, ain't you tired of
sleeping in this here barn, yet?

Well, yeah.

Well then you change her mind!

Well, that ain't so easy, Pa.

You're letting that
woman dictate to ya.

And any man that'll start
like that will end the same!

She'll dictate when you
can lay down and die!

And everything in between.

Good morning, Pa!

How's the work coming?

I know you don't
mind me calling you Pa

since Luke and me
is almost married.

That's the truth,
if I ever heard it.

Well, I saw how you fancied
the berry pie I baked on Sunday,

even though I did have to go to
some much extra trouble to do it.

What're you after, girl?

Well, seeing as how
you fancied my berry pie,

I was wondering if you
would let me and Luke

go out and pick some more
blackberries this afternoon?

Blackberries? I know
what you're after, girl,

and I never heard it called
"picking blackberries" before.

What are you
suggesting Jed Hockett?

Why, I do believe you're casting
aspersions towards my virtue.

Why, I believe you
are as filthy-minded

as Sam Sanger was
when I was married before.

You come on, Luke.

And I ain't calling
you "Pa" anymore!

At least for a while.

Luke, come back here!

You hear me?

Come back here!

- (grunts)
- (chickens clucking)

What're you grinning at boy?

Well Pa, look at it this way,

you're gonna get yourself
a berry pie out of it.


You keep your trap shut
and you keep on working!

And stop that grinning,
you're always grinning!

You and them brothers of
yourn don't seem to understand.

This here's a working farm.

Winter. You boys think
about winter coming on.

You want to be outside
rump deep in snow,

pulling stump
and splitting wood?

Well, that's how
it'll be, I promise ya!

Because the works
gotta be done now!

All right, that clinches here.

Come Sunday week,
there's gonna be a marrying!

All three at the same time!

I'm tired of this night
crawling and day loafing.

We're gonna take
one day out for it!

You hear me?

Just one day!

(upbeat Western music)

Well, they've set the date.

They're gonna get
married next Sunday

and they want me to
come to the weddings.

You mean all of 'em are gonna
get married the same time?

That's what Fran's letter says.

They want me to be maid
of honor for all three of them.

Well, have you ever
been one of them there...

honorary maids
before, Miss Hannah?

Festus, I have been
an honorary maid

so many times, I have
memorized the ceremony.

Tell you the truth,
it's a little depressing.

I don't know Hannah,
from what I hear,

that old man up there is
trying to get you to the altar.

I'll never get that desperate.

Jed Hockett has
already buried three wives

and I imagine they were
glad to get away from him.

You've got to give the
old coot credit, though.

He can still work up
a full head of steam.

Oh, well fiddle, that ain't
so uncommon, Miss Hannah.

Now, you take my
uncle Lazarus Dinglefoot.

He was 73-year-old

when he took hisself
a youngin' for a bride.

Her name was Annie
Kruper, as I recollect,

and she couldn't a
been over 22 or 23!

And she wasn't the prettiest
gal in the county, neither.

But she was healthy, if
you know what I mean.

Course, Uncle
Lazarus, he passed on

after a couple of months.

Folks said that
his get-up-and-go

just kinda got up and went.

You mean he lost his stamina?

- Well.
- Yeah, well don't worry about it.

I promise you that Jed Hockett

will never lose his
stamina because of me.

Festus, did you say
Lazarus Dinglefoot?

(Festus) We kinda
figured he died happy.

(gentle music)

(Jed) A marrying, that's
what we're gonna have.

By the sound of things,

there's one person
around here hasn't changed.

Oh, Hannah!


(Emily) Hannah, I'm so
glad you could make it.

And I'm so glad
to see you, Emily,

and I am so pleased
about the wedding.

Well, I was all set
to hold off till fall

till Jed got a
bee in his bonnet.

But, I'm so happy.

And I am so glad.

Well now, I want to personally

welcome you back to
the Hockett Farm, woman.

These here girls has
missed you something terrible

and I can testify to that.

But you've come back
because you missed me.

Now tell me if
that ain't the truth!

Will you keep your hands
to yourself you old reprobate.

And you listen to
one thing first off.

I don't want to have to put up

with any foolishness from you.


I remember how you had spirit!

That's what I like in a woman.

Temperament and
a strong pair a legs.

From what I seen,
you got 'em both.

Well you just stop looking

if you want to keep your health.

Where's Sarah and Fran?

I want to see the
wedding dresses.

Oh inside, here I'll show you.


Problem was, the preacher only
gets through once a month or so.

Then he has services
and does the baptizing

and marrying all in one day.


So, all the families come
and there's a great big picnic

and a box-lunch
auction and games and...

And a couple of fist fights?


I've been to these
things before.

There better not be.

We've talked to
every one of the boys

and they've given us their
solemn promise not to fight.

(Hannah) They have?

Oh, yes ma'am.

Even Luke.

Not on our wedding day.

Course, it isn't a
church wedding.

But I've had one of those before

and it didn't seem to
work out a whole lot better.

Well, you do remember
me and Sam Sanger?

Anyway, I figured well,

why not try doing
it outside this time

and see if it happens
to change my luck.

(laughing) Oh honey,
outside or inside,

any wedding is better
than no wedding at all.

Ask one who knows.

(crickets chirping)

Do I smell anything
on the stove?

The stew!

Oh, I better see to it.

Oh Sarah, please set the table,

the boys are gonna be
coming up for super any minute!

If I was to judge by
looking at you, Fran,

I wouldn't be able to
tell if you were going

to your wedding or
your funeral tomorrow.

I'm sorry, Hannah.

I guess, I just got
the jitters again.

And did they start up just
about the time I got here?

Oh Hannah, please
don't take it that way.

You're the only
person in the world

I even care about
coming to my wedding.

But the last few weeks...

have been the
happiest time in my life.

It's like nothing ever
happened before

and Ike is the only
man I ever loved.

And then, I come along,
reminding you of how it was, huh?

Hannah, The Long
Branch is the finest saloon

I have ever worked in.

You respected me.

You never let
anyone get out of line.

But there were other saloons,
before The Long Branch,

where things weren't...

- (crying) Well, you know.
- Oh honey, I do, I do.

I know.

But I've told you before,

you have nothing
to be ashamed of.

We all do what we must
do in order to survive.

And you know, I
think the day will come,

when you'll accept
what happened to you.

Maybe you won't be proud of it,

but you'll learn
to live with it.

I hope... someday
I can be like you.

Well. (clearing throat)

Let's not get carried away, hm?


Will you come inside and help
me pick the ribbons for my hair?

I would be delighted.

(bright instrumental music)

Well, turned out to be a
lovely day for a wedding.

Now if you're lucky, you
may be able to get acquainted

with a widow woman
you can bring home.

Widow woman, ha!

What's wrong with that,

I thought you had the itch?

I don't want no
woman whose husband

has went and died on her.

It'd set me to wondering if
it was gonna happen again!

Hockett, you're beyond help.

I just hope nothing happens

to spoil this day
for those girls.

Quit worrying woman.

They'll be wedded, bedded,

and wearing silly grins
by sun-up tomorrow.

You've been awful
quiet this morning.

I've never been this close
to getting married before.

I guess maybe
I'm just... scared.

Of me?

Not that.

I know you.

I know there's nothing in
you for me to be scared of.

Maybe it's just that
something's gonna happen

to spoil how happy I am today.

(gentle music)

Nothin's gonna happen.

(gentle music)

I won't let nothin' happen.

(Jed) Where's Shep and Sarah?

Don't they know
we're ready to go?

(Luke) They're off
in the bushes, Pa.

(Jed) Again?

Uh, Sarah, what's the matter?

(birds chirping)

When I was a little girl,

I had ideas and dreams
about what I was gonna be.

I was gonna be a success.

An actress or a dancer maybe.

I was gonna have all the
things that fine ladies have.

Well, maybe if I did
go to San Francisco

I wouldn't be
able to do all that.

Maybe I'd wind up in a
saloon hustlin' drinks forever.

But I'd rather be doing that

than be stuck anywhere with
a man who didn't want me.

Sarah, I don't remember
ever telling you I didn't want ya.

Now did I say that?

I want ya, I really want ya.

Now, you come on.

(sighs happily)

A girl sure has to
go to a lot of trouble

to make you say it.

Shep, are you
coming or ain't ya?

We're waiting!

Wouldn't think it'd be asking
too much of them youngins

to wait till evening, seeing
as how we're so close now.

(Hannah) Hockett, shut up.


You look awful blue, Luke.

I thought you'd be happy.

Well, I'm happy all right.

It's just, I got
a funny feeling.

I ain't never had a
feeling like this 'fore.

Do you think you
still wanna do it?


I mean, are you scared that
I may not be the right one?


(breathing hard)

I guess it's just that I
ain't never done it before.

It's sort of like the time
Pa throwed me in the water

and told me to swim.

Well you swam all right!

(cheery gentle music)

I guess I did.

(cheery gentle music)

♪ Yes, we'll
gather at the river ♪

♪ The beautiful,
the beautiful river ♪

♪ Gather with the
saints at the river ♪

♪ That flows by
the throne of God ♪


You're about to be clasped with
the bosom of the true faith, boy!

Bout ready to become
a young soldier

in the army of Jesus
Christ, our Lord!

Sing out his name!


(crowd) Hallelujah!

Down you go boy, underneath
you go, way way down.

(crowd) Hallelujah!


Here's things
already got started.

Can you feel, you feel
the current of the good faith

flowing all around ya
and over ya, cleansing ya

and purifying ya, and
washing away the original sin.

Look son, can't you see
the gates of Heaven opening

and the angels are
signing your name!

Yes sir, Hallelujah,
Hallelujah boy!

(crowd) Hallelujah!

Sister Slade, send on
down another young cad.

(man in crowd)
Hey, come back here.

You better watch where
you're running boy.

I've bit bigger fish than
you in half with one snap.

Jinx Tobins' the name folks.

And these ugly looking
critters here, they're my cousins.

I just stepped
up here to tell you

that we done rode up in
here from Texas outta tornado.

And ate rattlesnake
heads for breakfast.

Jinx sure do lay it on thick.

The Tobin boys is here to say

that we'll take on
any man among ya.

Any six together and I
got five dollar in this pouch

that says we're the ones
that gonna do the whoopin'.

Now, do we got any takers?

Hey, what if them folks
wanna see that five dollar?

If they wanna see the money,

Jinx'll have to
hit 'em, I reckon.

Take their minds off it.

I'll wrestle you Texan.

Show me the color of your money.

Well, let me see yourn first.

- (punching)
- (grunting)

(crowd murmuring)

See that? What'd I tell you?

(man In crowd)
That's fighting dirty.

You wanted to
see my five dollar.

There's my five dollars.


(man) Give 'em a hand.

Help him outta there. Come on.

- Whoa.
- I've said it once, and I'll say it again.

Violence, I tell ya, is
the work of the Devil.

Excuse me ma'am.

There's no place
here for fist fighting,

rough housing, or gambling.

You, you there!

You that preacher
we hear'd about?

- I am.
- What stripe?

No particular stripe.

I minister to all and equally.

I heard the call and I answered.

Well that's fine,
I ain't choosy.

We got some marrying
needs to be done.

Think you can handle 'er?

Go forth and multiply, the
Good Book does instruct us.

Pleased to make
your acquaintance.

Reverend Sims is my name, sir.

Jed Hockett.

These here is my boys!

And that's their womens.

And that, I take
it, is Mrs. Hockett?

Well, that ain't
quite how it is.

Well at least you got
that part straight finally.

Come on girls, let's
find a place to clean up.

Well, more of the
family the better

on an auspicious
occasion like this.

Now, which one of your
sons will I be marrying?

All three!

All three!

Well that is multiplication.

Now I usually get 10
dollars for a wedding.

Ten dollars?

That's a token of appreciation
and to defray expenses,

but since you're herding
them up three at a time,

I'd say that five dollars
a coupling would be fair.

Sounds to me like you come forth

to do some multiplying
yourself, Preacher.

I guess if that's what
it takes to get it done,

I ain't got no choice!

That's about the poorest excuse
for a horse I seen in a while, boy.

Well, he suits me.

Yeah, I imagine it does.

Don't take much to suit a fella

that's still got plow
dirt on his boots

and smells of
chicken scratchings.

You know, mister, you ain't
a easy man to warm up to.

I got five dollars that
says I can whip you boy.

Hey I sure hope Jinx
don't lose that five dollars.

Shush up, Jinx
knows what he's doing.

And that one ain't no
bigger than a midget. (laughs)

Now look mister, I
didn't come here to fight.

What you're really saying, boy,

is you're scared to fight me.

Since you put it that way.

Howdy, fellers.

These boys being friendly?

- Shep.
- Not much, no.

You keep them other two off me.

Hey Jinx, who is that?
You let me go Luke!

- Kin I guess.
- Now calm down.

Oh, well I'd just as soon
we'd be moving on Jinx.

Now Shep, we promised
we wouldn't get in no fights.

Well that was this morning.

How am I gonna
explain it to Emily?

She gets awful upset.

And Sarah'll be real mad too.

Now you fellas move along.

Ain't gonna be
no fighting today.

Oh now, come on Jinx.

He probably don't have
five dollars to bet no how.

You're lucky boy, lucky.


All right.

(ominous music)

Well I'll be.

(ominous music)

Boys, I don't think we're
gonna be leaving right off.

(ominous music)

I just run across an old friend.

(ominous music)

(gentle music)

Hello, Franny.

Remember me?


You remember the Texas Saloon and
Gambling Emporium in Abilene, don't ya?

Well, I remember more
than your name, little girl.

And I'm here and ready
to make a few more

of them pleasant moments.

Look you, I'm
here to get married.


Well if that don't beat all?

(gentle music)

Fran, would you come and
help me with my fasteners?

Will you get outta here please?

I'll be back.

(gentle music)

Was that fella
bothering you, Fran?

Oh, he just thought
he saw a chance.

You know how it goes.

Well honey, it looks like
nothing can stop it now,

saw the old coot
pay the preacher.



I didn't figure on
having to wait till evening

to get them youngins married.

Just line 'em up
and collect the I do's.

Won't take more than 10 minutes.

Versing in the morning,

box social in the afternoon,

and weddings in the evening.

That's my style, Hockett!

No, I used to marry
'em in the morning,

I'd lose the whole
congregation before noon.

Bride and grooms,
they'd scatter up the crick.

Everybody'd get so drunk
there'd be no uplifting for me.

I tell ya I'm gonna wed
the youngins at dusk!

Then I'm gonna head my way!

Time! You're a costing
me time, preacher!

Preachers. I never did
have much use for preachers.

And that one
looks like he oughta

have gone into
another line of work.



This fella comes over to me.


He's about as ugly as they come.

And he's got these
two other guys with him.

They got the dumb
part taken care of.


And the first guy
wants to fight for money.

And he's getting about half
mean when Luke comes over.

Well what'd you tell him?

About what?

About the fight.

Oh, I told him I
wasn't in the mood.

Well that's a relief.

I wouldn't've let
you do it anyway.

(intense gentle music)

What was that you said?

I'm not about to let you run off

and fight some fool
on our wedding day.

That's what I thought you said.

Excuse me.


And, when the preacher
holds up this basket,

that is the one I want you
to call out your money on.

Oh how much money
did you bring with you?

Ah, oh, let me see here.

I've got.

87 cents!

That ain't hardly
enough to be safe.

Here's two dollars Luke.

I want you to bid
at least two dollars

so's that people think
how much it means to you.


Something I gotta take care of.

You come along
with me for a minute?


I'll be back in just a minute.

Now you know this
ain't gonna cause

nothing but trouble, Shep.

Well you ain't gonna
fight nobody anyway,

so stop worrying about it.

Anyway, it come to a question
of principle, so that's that.

I sure wish I know'd what
you was talkin' about, Shep.

Hey cowboy.

You still think you
can whoop me?

I know I can whip you farmer.

I just thought I might give
you a chance to prove it.

Well this whippin' gonna
cost you five dollar boy.

You got five dollar?

I got it.

You ready?

You mean, right now?

Well I figured I'd given
some of these pilgrims

a chance to lay money on it.

I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll meet you down by
the river about 20 minutes.

All right, that suits me fine.

Come on Luke.

Hey, boy!

You got a woman by
the name of Fran Carter

along with your bunch?

Ah, no, no, name
don't ring a bell to me.


I saw a woman over by your wagon

was mine for the winter.

Spent some time with
her down to Abilene.


She sure didn't know
which end was up, I tell you.


Yeah, well I reckon that's

just another one
of your mistakes.

Come on, Luke.

Ike ain't gonna like hearing
that feller talk about Fran, Shep.

I know.

That yahoo ain't one to
keep it to himself, either.

If Ike shows up at that fight,

the whole thing's gonna blow up.


what you gonna do?

Ah, it beats me.

Come on.




Luke, you gotta stay here and
keep Ike away from the fight.

Now what, boy?

Looks like there's
gonna be a fight.

Who, where?

Shep and that feller over there.

Well, he's a might
heftier then Shep,

but he don't look too bright.


Let's get a little wagering
going on around here.

I've been bored half to
crying up to now, anyway.

Pa, I kinda wished
you wouldn't do that.

Wish what?

You ain't afeared that jackass
is gonna whoop ya, are ya?

It ain't exactly that.

That's more like it.

You can whoop that yahoo
with one hand tied behind ya.

And I'm gonna lay
some money on ya boy,

get us some life in this party.

Now you come away
from here Luke Hockett.

You are not getting mixed up
in a fight on my wedding day.

But if I'm up here stopping Ike,

what if them other
fellas jump Shep?

That is his affair.

He shouldn't
have gotten into it.

I would've expected as
much from Sam Sanger,

but I thought you were a
more considerate person.

I'm extremely
disappointed in you Luke,

that's what I am.

(crowd murmuring)

I'd like to have a
word with you, Shep,

in private, please.

I gotta...

I've never been so
embarrassed in my life.

This is our wedding day.

You promised me
you wouldn't fight him.

No, that ain't
exactly how it was.

You promised me
I wouldn't fight him.

So, that's what it's all about.

Well, you better
understand right now

that I'm not a girl
you can walk on.

And if you fight him, you
might as well marry him,

because I won't be around!

Well, Sarah, what
started this time?

That fight.

I told him he couldn't, so he
went ahead and did it anyway.


Sarah honey, honey look,

I never lasted very
long with a man

I could give orders to.

Well honey, it doesn't
seem right somehow.

Now, the way it looks to me,
you backed him in a corner.

Now he feels he has to fight.

He doesn't have to do
anything he doesn't want to.

Would you love him if he
didn't have a mind of his own?

I guess not.

I don't see anything wrong
with your going over there

and showing him
whose side you're on.

- Mm hmm.
- Go on.

He's gonna think he
won again. You know?

Well, honey, let him.


- (crowd murmuring)
- (birds chirping)

What's going on
down there, Luke?

Oh, nothing you'd
be interested in, Ike.

Can you believe it?

Shep went off and got
himself mixed up in a fight.

And on his and
Sarah's wedding day.

I can imagine how
that poor girl feels.

Fight, huh?

Well, how come you're
not down there with him?


Come on, Fran, let's get
down there before it starts.

Ah, no.

You can't go down there, Ike.

Now what are you talking about?

No, I don't want us to get
involved in it Ike, please.

You don't want us to...

What's going on around here?

Nothing at all, Ike.

What's the matter
with you, Luke?

Here, let me help you with that.

Well, well what happened to you?

Change your mind?

Mm hmm.

Now, you watch him for kicking.

And his knees, if
he gets you down.

I'll bet he bites too.

Hold on a minute.

How come you to know
so much about fightin'?

I had to fight my brothers

once or twice a
month till I was 15.

Mostly won too.

(Ike) What's going on, Shep?


Yeah, now what's going on?

What are you doing here?

Come to back you up.

Well, where's Luke?

We don't need Luke for this.

We can handle this ourselves.

Well Ike, this ain't nothing.

This is just a little
tustle, you know I...

I can handle this myself.

Why don't you go on back and take
care of Fran, I'll be with you in a minute.

No, no, no, I ain't
leaving if you're fighting.

Now, you ready boy?

Ain't gonna be
no fighting mister.

Fight him!

No, I figure that you're
just too much for me.

Here, take your five dollars.

- Shep, fight him!
- (laughing)

This ain't gonna stand, Shep.

I ain't gonna let
you do this, Shep!

I'll fight him myself!

- Now, Ike.
- Hey you!

You the dumb farmer that's
gonna be marrying up with...


This here is my fight!

And if I want
to stop it, I will!

I want you to fight him, Shep.

You stay out of this!

Now you back off, Shep.

Ain't gonna stand one
of us backing down.

- Ike!
- You back off, Shep!


I told you.

If I don't want to
fight, I don't have to.


- (cheery music)
- (men shouting)


(Tobin Cousin) Hey,
now we got us ten dollars.

This here ain't what
I had in mind at all.

(shouting continues)

Now, let me explain how
this here social works.

Young ladies, they tote
their baskets up here

and you young fellas,

you shout out as much as
you're willing to pay for 'em.

Oh, incidentally, the
proceeds of this event

will go to the preacher, as
sort of a token of appreciation

and to defray any
necessary expenses.

I think that's fair enough.

Now, which is the first young
lady we're gonna have up here?

- Which one?
- I'll go first, Preacher!

All right, young lady.
That's a pretty young thing.

Now, which one is yours?

Now, what am I bid for this
pretty young lady's basket, huh?

What am I bid?

Thirty-five cents.

Two dollars.

And 87 cents.

Two dollars and 87 cents.

Gone, gone for two
dollars and 87 cents!

You come up here young fella.

Claim your basket
and your young lady.

And, mind you, no
hanky-panky in the woods.


Can't you get anything
straight, Luke? I swear.

Thank you, young fella.

Now, for our last basket!


Now, go on up there,
I got over six dollars.

Go on, go on.


Now, this little girl looks
like she has a pretty basket.

What am I offered?

Fifty cents.

(Reverend Sims)
Fifty cents, I have a bid!


(Reverend Sims)
Seventy-five. Any other bids?

- Seventy-five. Any other bids?
- One dollar.

Three dollars!

(Reverend Sims) Three
dollars! Any other bids?

Six dollars and 48 cents.

Seven dollars!

Well, that's all I got!

Hockett, bid eight.


I can eat super with that
girl every day of the week.

Why should I pay money for her?

Sold, sold, for seven dollars!

To that gentleman over there.

Come and collect your basket

and this pretty girl
that goes with it.

Congratulations cowboy,
and enjoy your lunch.

You come on with
me, Miss Carter.

We're gonna go have
ourselves a real good time.

(gentle music)

Mighty satisfactory
social, Hockett.

Bids ran uncommon high.

I heard, Preacher.

You know, throat gets raspy

when you work it that hard.

Come along, I
got most a jug left.

(groaning) Ah, yeah, all right.

Tell me Preacher, what do
you know about womens?

(birds chirping)

Well, that ain't half bad.

I didn't know that
you could cook, too.

Course, you was younger then.

But I like a woman
that's growed up some.

Learned all the tricks.

You just keep your hands off me.

I wouldn't be here if I coulda
told Ike without hurtin' him.

You eat your lunch, but
you keep your hands off.

Why sure I will, Franny.

Sure, I will.


Fran ain't back yet?


What got into you, Shep?

Fighting me like that.

I'm sorry about that, Ike.

It's got to do with something,

and I probably oughta
told you about before,

but I thought it'd
cause trouble.

Then I got to thinking
and I got worried.

Would you stop your mumbling,
Shep, and just speak it out.

Well, the thing is...

that Jinx, well, he knew Fran.

What's that?

He knew her.

He called her by
name and he even...

before that fightin'
business started,

and well, that's the reason I.

And where'd they go?

Up that way.

I'll go with you.

No, no, I'll take
care of this myself.

I knowed some saloon girls
before that tried to shake it,

get married, get respectable,

but it don't work, Franny.

You stay away from me.

Oh, I will.

Just as soon as I get what
I paid that seven dollars for.

(gentle music)

And if you ain't
real nice to me,

I'm gonna stop by
on my way out of here

and have a talk
with your boyfriend.

How do you think he'd
like knowing about Abilene?

I only went with
you because I had to.

Seems to me that you're in
the same situation right now.



Afternoon, farmer.

I was just recalling
an old acquaintance

with your intended.

Don't hang on me.

If dirt like him is what you
want, then you go to him!

And stay with him!

(ominous gentle music)

I'm leaving.

Will you please tell
everyone goodbye for me?

I can't face him.

Fran, girl, what's wrong?

Oh, it's no good, Hannah,

this getting married
and settling down.

I'm too far along, I've
left too many tracks.

Well, that's nonsense.

Now, tell me exactly
what happened.

The man who bought my basket,

I knew him from
when I was in Texas.

He tried to force me,
he said he'd tell Ike

about the time
we spent together.

And then Ike came along.

Hannah, it was like
some horrible nightmare.

I've just got to
get out of here.

All right.

But first, you get
over there to Ike

and you tell him exactly
what you just told me.

I can't do that.

There's no such
word as can't, girl.

You owe him that much.

I have something to say to you.

Well, say it.

I'm going away for good.

What you saw between
that man and me

wasn't what it looked like.

I knew him.

I knew him when I
was down in Texas.

I guess I knew him as well
as I know you in some ways.

But, I didn't want
to go with him then,

and I didn't want to go
with him this afternoon.

Only, I didn't know how
to talk to you about it.

And he wasn't the only one!

And maybe if we got married,

I'd open the front
door one morning

and there'd be another
one on the front porch.

And I don't want that to
happen any more than you do.

But it was...

fun... for a while...

pretending with you, Ike.

Maybe I'll see you sometime.


You can't go.

(gentle music)

I don't know
what I'd do if you...

if you did.


You just gotta, you
just gotta talk to me.

How am I gonna know
unless you talk to me?

Now, as far as
that, that other...

well, I thought about
that, long time ago.

It don't matter.

Now, I got something
I gotta tend to.

Ike, you don't have to.

I have to this time, Fran.

This time, this time I have to.

(bold upbeat music)


Wait here!

And tie down the furniture.

Come the old plow boy.

Must be coming
up here to thank me

for letting him know
what kinda wom...


That's Shep and Ike.

No matter who it is,

I don't want you brawling
on our wedding day.

That's exactly what
Sam Sanger woulda done,

jumped right into the middle of
the first fight he'd come across.

Emily, I gotta make this quick.

I want you to shut your
mouth about Sam Sanger

and everything
else till I come back

and say you can
open it up again.

I ain't Sam Sanger!

I'm Luke Hockett, and
I ain't gonna sit here

and watch my
brothers take a whoopin'

because a women said I had to.

You understand?

(cheery gentle music)

Oh, my goodness.

Uh, oh.

(upbeat music)

- (Hannah) Hockett! Hockett!
- (Hockett burps)

Oh, there you are.

Hockett, your
boys are in a brawl.

I want you to come up
here and straighten it out.


That's what you are woman,

sweeter than honeysuckle
blooming in the spring.

Mountain daisies, prettier
than mountain daisies too.

Oh, my lord.

Now, why don't you and
me take us a little walk

and I'll tell you that your eyes

are sparking brighter
than any star up in the sky.

Now, I'll tell you what Jed,

I have been feeling
a little that way lately.

I mean, with the
marrying and all

it does set a girl to thinkin'.

You can't fight it, woman.

It's in the air.

You can't fight it.

No, well why don't we just

take a little walk
down this way.

You first, so you can
guide me by the hand.

Smooth, feller wants to
be smooth to catch a lady.

And you stay there you
old coot until you sober up.


Someone must've
changed their mind there

at the last minute.

I can't figure out what it
might've been, though.

Hold on, hold on!

Hold it, there!

Violence is not the answer!

Violence solves no problem!

Hold it.


(speaking gibberish)

- Luke!
- (all laughing)

- We did it, Shep.
- Look at that.

Well, I guess you
can open 'er up now.

You were wonderful!

You, go get your
wedding dress on.

(gentle music)

Well now, how do we look?

Well, if I was a man, I'd...

I'd say you're
worth waiting for.

I'll go get the preacher.

(gentle music)

Ah, there you are, Preacher,

- we're all ready for the ceremony.
- All right, all right.

I didn't ask for this job.

- Oh, no.
- I didn't ask for any fight.

I didn't have any
idea it was gonna

turn into anything like this.

They're savages, I tell you.

And I wouldn't marry those savages
if they were the last fools on earth.

Do you have any idea how
much an upper plate costs?

(Emily) Here I
am, all dressed up,

where's he going,
why's he leaving?

(cheery gentle music)

(Emily) I swear, I have
never been so embarrassed.

Here I am, all decked
out in my wedding dress

and not even a bride.

(Sarah) Not like you're alone.

(Emily) Even Sam Sanger
wouldn't've let this happen to me.

- (Luke) Emily.
- (Emily) I'm sorry, Luke.

(Fran) There's no
sense in crying about it,

we'll just have to try again.

(Ike) Next time that
preacher comes through.

(Shep) Yeah, if he's got
himself a new upper plate.

(all laughing)

(Jed) Durn, that water was cold.

You sure you don't want to
slide under this blanket with me?

Be a sight warmer
for both of us.

(Hannah) Hockett, just shut up!

(cheery gentle music)

(upbeat music)

(announcer) Stay
tuned for exciting scenes

from out next Gunsmoke.

(theme music)