Gunsmoke (1955–1975): Season 18, Episode 8 - Eleven Dollars - full transcript

Fetus heads to Abilene to bring a woman $11 left over from the sale of her things after her father's death, and finds time to teach 2 little boys a lesson along the way.

With...

And starring James
Arness as Matt Dillon.

Whoa, whoa there.

Afternoon, Dr. Adams.

Well, Charity, how are you?

I'm fine, I guess.

I was just on my
way back to town

and I thought I'd just drop
by and see your father.

How is he?

He's wasting away
more every day.

Is that so? Any pain?



You'd not likely know from him.

- Festus came by early this morning.
- Oh?

Him and Pa are out
clearing a new field.

Isn't that something
to fathom out?

Well, I don't know,
knowing your father.

I'm not at all surprised.

It's a sad waste of time.

Maybe not.

Charity, maybe at this point,

Festus can do more
for Jeb than I can.

All right.

All right, Jeb.

Let's give her another whirl.

Come on, boy, come
on, boy, come on, boy.



That's it.

No, no, ain't no good, Jeb.

She ain't coming out.

Whew.

Now that's what I call
being plain stubbornacious.

Well, we got her boogered

and battered but she ain't
fixing to give up just yet.

Well, there's some
that just don't know

when to say quit, Festus.

Give me that there ax.

You know, with enough
water, this here field's

gonna turn out some
fine crops come summer.

Have you wished for
your well yet, have ye?

Yeah, got the strong sign
over yonder as a matter of fact.

Come next week we'll
pick us a couple of days

and start the digging.

You ain't gonna
do no such thing.

Why not?

You know you
done plenty already.

Oh, foot.

You've been akeeping
track, have ye?

I sure have.

Festus, when time comes,
give a looksee to Charity for me,

will you, see she gets her foot

stepping the right direction?

Oh, Jeb, quit
talking that a way.

Well, it ain't so bad and
I ain't one bit scared of it.

Except for thinking about her.

It's sad what you do by loving
your young'uns too much,

holding 'em too
tight and too long.

Gets so you can't let 'em go.

Hand me that there ax.

All right, Jeb, you got my word.

Morning, Matthew, Doc.

Well, Festus.

Good heavens, I
shoulda known better.

What are you mumbling about?

Sit down, Festus.

Well, I'll sit down and
drink a cup of coffee

with you, Matthew,
I already done that.

Who paid for it?

Doc, you'd be might as well
smooth your old bristles back,

'cause you ain't
afixing to spoil my day

with one of your
blamed arguments.

Matthew, what I've
came by to tell you

is that I'm fixing to go
out to Jeb Spencer's place.

We're gonna start
digging the well.

Oh here we are, Matt.

My gosh am I ready for this.

Thank you, Hank.

Well now, you know, I have
saw me some palatsomelooking

eggs in my born days,
but I never seen no eggs

that is as palatsome as
them eggs is right there.

Festus, where in thunder
did you get a word like that?

Like what?

Palatable.

- I didn't say...
- I know what you said.

You said palatsome.

Well, you meant
to say palatable.

I never meant no such a thing.

Just a minute, I'm
trying to help you.

There's isn't any such a
word at all as palatsome.

Now, there isn't.

Doc, you're just abusting to
stir up scrap with me, ain't ya?

Stir up a fight with you?

That's the last...

Festus, all I wanted
this morning was for you

to sleep late enough
so I could get down here

and have a nice, quiet,
peaceful breakfast with Matt.

That's all I wanted.

Matthew, ain't he just
pure old dee amazing?

Here I come in with a
friendly howdy of a start

of a new day and before you
can say rat run over the roof

of the house a piece
of raw liver in his mouth,

he starts to ragging
me, six days to Sunday,

accusing me of mowing the cad,

just little old sunnysideup
eggs and I done told him,

I done eat.

I'll tell you what it is,

it's the getting old
that's adoing it to him.

He's just getting so
blamed old that the years

have just soured him up to
where he's like a old percinnamon.

He ain't even fit to
share a conservation with,

let alone a measly little
old 35 cent breakfast.

Festus, you shouldn't
do that to old Doc.

Do what, Matthew?

Pass the pepper, will ye?

Festus.

Oh howdy, Doc.

I wanna talk to you, Festus.

Charity just drove
Jeb into town.

Oh, is he up at
your office, is he?

He's at Percy Crump's.

He died last night in his sleep.

Oh, Doc.

Only a matter of time, Festus.

I reckon so.

Where's Charity at now?

Ma Smalley's.

Obliged, Doc.

Festus.

Charity.

Well, I reckon we all know
it was bound to happen.

It sure is bitter
medicine to swallow

when it actual does
happen, ain't it?

I can't cry, Festus.

Well, that there wouldn't
help nothing nohow.

It's terrible but all I can
think about is all those years

me wanting shed of
him and now I am and I...

Well, Jeb, he'd understand that.

He didn't make me stay.

He just never let me go.

Charity, that there is one thing

that sorried your
pa something fierce.

Now, he told me
that his own self.

Well, Mr. Crump said the
burying can be in two days.

I'll take care of everything.

Thank you, Festus.

Oh, there's some of
Pa's things in the wagon.

Some trapping gear, some
guns, some other things.

You figure I could sell them
and the horse and wagon?

Yes'm, I reckon you could.

But don't you fret
about that now.

I'll take care of it all.

Thank you.

I appreciate that.

After Pa's burying,
I'm going to Abilene.

You're going where?

I vowed myself
one day I'd do it.

Now's the time.

If I don't go now, I never will.

- Well, you can't just
up - I've got to, Festus,

before it's too late.

I know there's more
than what I've seen

and I'm gonna see it.

Look.

"Coberly Hotel for Genteel
Ladies, heart of Abilene.

Convenient to all
points of interest.

Reasonable rates,
day, week, or month."

See?

Charity, I gave your pa my
word that I'd look after you.

Look after me?

Festus, I'm 28 years old.

Oh, I've been looked
after all my life.

All I've ever known is the
farm, the farm the bank owns.

I've been brought to
Dodge to buy supplies

and taken to church
for Sunday service.

Why, the farthest
away I've ever been to

in my whole life
is Spivey, Spivey.

Well, that's past
now, that's done.

From now on, I'm
being looked after by me.

Well, Charity, you're the...

No, Festus, nothing
you can say, nothing.

After Pa's burying, I'm
going, and that's final.

I thought it was a
nice, dignified burying.

Sort of a puny gathering.

Anyway, Charity will be
on her way to Abilene soon

and you know something, Newly?

I think it'll do her good.

That your opinion is it, Burke?

Sure can't hurt her any.

I mean, look at her.

Keep your voice down, will you?

I just can't
understand why Festus

is so worked up
over her leaving.

Because he gave his word to Jeb

he'd look after her, that's why.

As far as he's moving to
Abilene, that's impossible.

You know what he oughta do?

He oughta get her things
together and sell 'em

and wipe his hands completely
clean of the whole thing.

Now, let's look at it logically.

She's young, she's full of life.

As far as Jeb's concerned,
he's dead and buried

and there ain't nothing he
could do about it anyway.

You got a way of cutting
it to the bone, Burke.

I'll say that for you.

I'm sorry, Festus, but I
don't think Mr. Lathorpe

would want me to
buy any old clothes.

Well, wait a minute now,
Halli, just wait a minute.

What about these
here varmint traps here?

Festus, I already told you...

They ought to be worth five
dollars if they're worth a penny.

But Mr. Lathorpe is sick
and I haven't got the authority

to buy anything, Festus.

- Good morning, Ms. Kitty.
- Hello, Charlie

I'll have the coffee you ordered
ground for you in just a minute.

All right, fine.

Morning, Ms. Kitty.

Hello, Festus.

I see you're still trying
to sell all these things

for Charity Spencer.

Yes'm. She's fixing
to leave tomorrow.

Nobody buying, huh?

Oh, some will buy all right,
or steal is more what it is.

See, I figured if I couldn't
do nothing else at all,

I could at least get her a
fair price for her belongings

'cause she's gonna
need all the cash she can

lay her hands on
to go into Abilene.

Yeah.

How much you
figure all this is worth?

Well, that there is a pretty
sorry excuse for a horse.

And with the rig and all
it oughta be worth $40.

But I'll be lucky if I
can get half that much.

You see, Ms. Charity, she
ain't letting me have no time

to do no dealing, don't you see?

Hm.

Festus, what would you say
if I just advanced you the $40

and then you could take
the time in order to get

the right price for
all these things?

Would you do that, Ms. Kitty?

You come on by the
Long Branch later,

I'll have the money
ready for you.

Say in about an hour.

Thank you for
everything, Festus.

Oh, you're mighty
welcome, Charity.

And you take care of
yourself, you hear me?

Oh, don't worry about me.

Well, I will be.

Stage is rolling, load 'em up.

Now, Charity, I wanna
tell you one thing

No, everything's gonna
be fine, Festus, really it is.

Oh, I can feel it.

Inside of me, I can feel it.

Be happy for me, Festus.

Like the man says, I'm
gonna see the elephant.

Well just so as you know,
the safest place to look

at an elephant is from
a couple yards back.

Stand clear,
Whiskers, I'm late now.

- Hep.
- Bye, Charity.

Well, this here's the last one
of Charity Spencer's things

that I got left and I been
saving it just special for you.

But I don't need
two lamps, Festus.

Well I know you don't,
but you buy this here

and then you can
throw that there'un away.

Well, why would I do that?

Well, you just got done saying
you don't need two lamps.

- Yes, but I don't...
- Well, just hold your bust

now till I get done telling
you about this here lamp.

Now, look here.

I swear, if that Burke
owned his self a whole herd

of Texas longhorn steers,
you could still sell him

a load of fertilizer.

Where you been
akeeping yourself, Doc?

Well, I've been busy.

How are things with you?

Oh, everything's fine now
that I've shed all them things

of Charity Spencer's.

Well, did you sell everything?

Got $19 for the lot.

$19?

You betcha, Doc.

And I wanna tell you something.

I square dealed with
everybody, except for Burke.

He don't count.

You know something
that's unbelievable to me?

What?

For someone who
can't read or write,

you're so doggone good
about counting money.

And you don't spend any.

All right, there you go.

You old scutter, we haven't
saw each other to palaver

for three blamed weeks,
and you don't get ten words

out of your mouth
and you gotta start in

with your blamed insultments.

It's been over three weeks.

Oh, you just been
acounting the days

till you get started on me, huh?

Just hold on a minute.

Just wait a minute.

Don't bust a gusset.

I got some good news for you.

What's that?

Well, Hank sold Charity's
horse and rig for you.

Thunder he did,
what'd he get for it?

More than you expected.

Well, glory.

Much obliged, Doc.

Festus, that's the fourth
time you've counted that.

Kitty, ever since I
taught him to count,

he just counts and
counts and counts.

Festus, you're getting to
be quite a business man.

Yeah, he's quite a
salesman all right.

Got me to give him
$2 for a kerosene lamp

with a cracked chimney in it.

All right, Ms. Kitty,
there it is, your $40 back.

And I sure am
much obliged to ye.

It was my pleasure, Festus.

What are you gonna
do with the rest of it?

Well, how much more is there?

I make $11.

Well say, that's fine.

Now you can stand for a
round of beers for all of us.

Oh now, Doc, I'd like to, but

No, that's just fine.

Go on and crawfish out of it.

Oh now, I ain't
exactly crawfishing.

Now, I

I think that Festus
probably has better places

for that money rather
than buying us all beers.

Isn't that right, Festus?

You betcha, Ms. Kitty.

The mainest
thing is I gotta get it

to Charity Spencer in Abilene.

Charity Spencer?

Really?

Well, this here is her money.

You know, Festus, it seems
like $11 is just a fair price

for what you did for her.

Burke, what I done for
her wasn't did for no price,

don't you see?

Festus, if you'd like
me to, I'll write you out

a bank draft for that $11.

Bank draft?

Well, it's safer
mailing it than cash.

Oh, I wasn't figuring
on mailing it, Matthew.

Wait a minute, you're not
gonna take it to her, are you?

Well, I figured old Jeb
would kinda like that

if I was to do it, Doc.

That's a long ride, Festus.

It'll take you quite awhile.

Well, Matthew, see
you got Newly here

in case you is to need somebody.

He can help you out.

Festus, you've already
spent two whole weeks

selling everything for her

and now you mean you're
gonna go all the way to Abilene

to deliver that money
to her personally?

Yes'm, that's what
I'm fixing to do.

Whoa, whoa.

Ruth, how in tarnation
did you throw a shoe?

Can I do some now, Chad?

You pulled them weeds
around the wheelhouse?

Yep.

Put those cow droppings
in Mama's flowerbed?

Brung up and spread.

All right, grab a stick,
start mixing some up.

Ain't but two batches left
and fitter to milk already.

No matter.

It's all we got, it's
gonna have to do.

How many more
days till the party?

Ain't a party, it's a
heap more than that.

I know it is, but there'll
be a party afterwards.

How many more days?

In two weeks yet.

Howdy, fellers.

Mama, Mama, he's here.

There he is, Mama, right yonder.

Howdy, ma'am.

Glory be, wasn't due
for a week or more.

Mama, is that him?

I don't know, I don't
know what he looks like.

Who else would be out here
in the middle of nowhere?

Chad, run quick, fetch
the scatter gun just in case.

Now, it ain't that I stepped
down without a-asking.

My mule pulled up
lame, throwed a shoe.

Put your hands up and
stay right there, mister.

What in tarnation is this?

Don't you move, mister.

You're not Mr. Schuldenhaus?

No, ma'am, I ain't.

Now, boy, you just
back off with that gun.

You mind saying what you want?

No, ma'am, I don't mind at all.

Like I told you, my
mule throwed a shoe.

What I'm awanting is to
set him with a new one.

Name is Haggen, Festus
Haggen from Dodge City.

- You're a ways from home.
- Yes'm.

Making for Abilene.

And, ma'am, if you'd
have that young'un of yours

put that gun down, it'd
be a heap easier talking.

For awhile there had me wishing

I was that Schuldenhaus feller.

- I sure ain't sorry you ain't.
- Clay.

Would you wanna
marry up with him?

Marry?

Mr. Schuldenhaus is
coming for our wedding.

We've been corresponding.

He ain't never send no pictures.

We don't know
what he looks like.

Then I'll tell you this, he's in

for a mighty nice surprise
when he gets here.

Now, I know I'm a
sight for you folks to see,

but with a little water for
washing and a little time

for whitewashing, so's I
can earn myself some vittles,

I'm gonna prove to you folks
that I'm crammed neck high

with personableness.

Well, sir, before you
know it, here's old Doc,

he's all humped up like a
madman and he's ahopping

out of Delmonico's and
I'm eating his breakfast.

Well you see, he ain't
never come on to my secret

of talking faster than what
he can keep up with thinking.

You see what I mean?

If you give a feller a
whole heap of things

to think about at once,

well then he ain't got time to
do no thinking about answers

for something that
you've done said.

Don't you see?

And you call him
your best friend?

Chad, I'd cut off my right arm

clean up to my left ear for him.

Hope nobody ever tells him that.

But just betwixt us three men,

I figure he done
already knows it.

Supper's on and
hot and getting cold.

My heavens, you've
done more in three hours

than we could've
done in a whole day.

Noon tomorrow,
she's gonna be all did.

Oh, I can't let you do that.

Well, noon tomorrow, wasn't
that when you was figuring on

going over to
Beckwith's Mercantile

for them supplies you wanted?

Yeah, but...

Well, that's when I'll pick up
the new shoe for Ruth, see?

I might as well be busy
doing something till then.

Besides that, you haven't
ever saw me put away vittles.

And from the smells that's
been a-coming from your kitchen,

I figure it'd take me a
week of whitewashing

to pay for these
vittles I'm fixing to eat.

Come on in.

Dear Lord, we thank
thee for the bounty

which fills our lives.

We thank thee for the
love that fills our hearts.

We thank thee for
all thy gracious gifts.

- Amen.
- Amen.

You forgot the other part.

Well, that's all
right this time, son.

But we always say it.

Never mind, Clay.

Dear Lord, we humbly ask
you to make Mr. Shuldenhaus

a sober man and a good
and kind husband and father.

Amen.

Oh, and Lord, if
you was to make him

a might more looksomer

than some feller that
ain't gonna get named,

you sure wouldn't
hear no fussing

from folks around
these here parts.

Amen.

Amen.

Chad, will you
pass this to Festus?

That sure smells
and looks lariping.

Oof, I believe I could eat

the whole blamed
bowlful my own self.

You know something, I sure
gotta hand it to you fellers.

Why, Festus?

Oh, for helping your mama
get shed of some of her chores.

Papa used to say a
woman needs time to herself.

Well, your daddy must've
been a mighty smart feller.

He said it was up to us to
see she had her quiet time.

I don't remember much
about him, just some things.

Mostly what Chad tells me.

He died a long time ago.

It was five years
ago he took sick.

And you've been the man of
the house ever since then, huh?

We both have.

Sure wish you could be
here for the wedding, Festus.

Oh, golly dill, I do too, Clay.

It's gonna be in Abilene

just as soon as
Mr. Schuldenhaus gets here.

Well, more than
likely I'll be on my way

back to Dodge by
then, don't you see?

We're gonna have
a party afterwards.

And Mama's gonna be the
prettiest one there 'cause...

Shh.

After you're done, hang
the towel so's it dries.

Mama?

Mama, can I take
the horse for awhile?

Again, Chad?

Yes'm, just for a couple hours.

It'll be dark in a
couple of hours.

I'll be back by bedtime.

I filled the wood box and
I'll milk the cow before I go.

All right.

Thanks, Mom.

Well, Ms. Elkins,
I reckon I'll go out

and try to work off some
of them good vittles.

I just got me a
little dab left to do

and then she'll be all did.

Oh, Festus, you've
done enough already.

Nah, tuh tuh tuh tuh tuh.

Festus, Festus.

That funny?

There's like old Chad
forgot to milk his cow.

Bring me a
bucket and I'll do it.

That's all right,
I'll do it myself.

- But...
- It's all right.

I'll do it myself.

Was it hard chores?

What do you think?

How much did you get?

40 cents.

How much does that
make all together?

I'm counting now.

You forgot to milk
the cow, you know?

That's right, I did.

Festus was gonna do it,

but I stopped him
from coming in.

Well, it ain't like
he'd have found it.

Well, I wasn't gonna chance it.

Clay.

If I'd known you was
coming out to the barn,

I'd have asked you to
water old Ruth for me.

Chad, I'm glad to
see you got back

for bedtime like
you said you would.

That's good.

You know, I've always figured
the most importantest thing

for a feller to be
is reliablesome.

Yes, siree.

Reliablesomeness does a
whole heap for a feller's character.

When a feller's got
character, he ain't gonna never

be nothing but a whole
heap of pure old dee joy

to his mama and daddy.

Well, I reckon I'll turn in.

- Goodnight, fellers.
- Goodnight, Festus.

Two pounds of coffee, what else?

A tin of soda crackers, please.

What else?

Ten pounds of salt, please.

Well, would you look
at them horehounds.

Peppermints is my favorite.

Peppermints are twofers.

Twofers?

Two for a penny.

Oh.

Well I'll tell you what
now, if certain young'uns

was to keep the fire
box going in the forge

in a particular barn
for a certain feller

that I know whilst he
was a-shoeing his mule,

them certain fellers just might

earn theirselves some
peppermint sticks.

I've got five yards of
muslin there, Mr. Beckwith,

and some thread.

Don't mind, I'll measure it.

Well when you
get done with that,

measure me a nickel's worth
of them peppermint sticks,

a full measure.

Got them crackers, Ma.

I could've sworn I saw
Mr. Beckwith put that tin

Well, I ain't never laid
eyes on that man but once

but I'd say Chad's
right in checking on him.

Here he comes.

He said he put it in
one of them boxes.

Here it is.

The flour sack was hiding it.

I sure wanna thank you
for helping us, Festus.

Well, that there just makes
everything even betwixt us, Chad.

We'd have been at it
better another week or more.

Well, see now, this a-way,
it gives you some extra time

so as that you can help your
mama do some other things.

Don't you see?

Where do you live
in Dodge, Festus?

- Live?
- Where's your house at?

I mean, if we was to write you.

Oh.

You figuring on
writing to me, are you?

Who knows?

Someday, we might
even get to Dodge.

We could come and look you up.

Well, I'll tell you you
could always get a letter

to me at care of the US Marshal.

Are you a friend
of a US Marshal?

Oh, you betcha.

Marshal Matthew Dillon.

Fact is the biggest part
of the time, I'm his deputy.

Chad, Clay, dinner.

Are you through, Festus?

Coming.

You know, it's just plum
shamefulness for a feller

to put away vittles
the way I just did.

Maybe so, but it
certainly is flattering.

But I, I'll tell you, I've
eat enough to carry me

clean to Abilene and then some.

Much obliged to you, Chad.

Safe trip, Festus.

And all our thanks.

You're mighty welcome, ma'am.

And I'm a-wishing you all

the pure old dee
happiness you can hold.

I know that Mr. Schuldenhaus
will be all you want.

And I can tell you
something else too.

You're gonna be the
looksomest bride in Kansas.

You two boys, I wanna
tell you something.

It's been a many and a many
a day since I've came across

young'uns the likes of you.

And you just keep abeing the joy

to your ma that you
done already are.

Don't you never do nothing
to take that pridesome look

outta her eyes, you hear me?

Well, Ruth, time
to kick some dust

and raise some gravel.

Bye, Festus.

- Adios.
- Bye, Festus.

Come on, Ruth.

You reckon he's got
any money on him?

Don't matter.

You see that blanket?

Yeah, I see it.

And I've sat here scrunched
up long as I'm gonna.

I'm going after
him and then get it.

Now, you put a bullet
through that blanket

and I'll put one through you.

I don't want no holes
through that blanket.

You'll get it without no holes.

He's asleep, I tell you.

There won't be no trouble.

All right, let's go.

Hey, if you have to shoot him,

shoot him through the head

so the blanket won't
be spoiled, huh?

Moze, hey, Moze.

I've been a-wondering
how many of you there was

and when you was a-coming in.

You caught us with our
hands in the honeypot, huh?

Mighty sticky, ain't it?

Why, there ain't no
money in this bag.

Just a handed note
and a bag full of washers.

Washers?

Get back here!

Now, what are
you two up to, huh?

A surprise, Mom.

A real one.

For me?

Oh my.

Oh.

It's the dress from
Mr. Beckwith's store.

Me and Chad's been
saving ever since you wrote

Mr. Schuldenhaus
that you'd marry him.

Near five months,
we earned a lot.

Festus, did you
ever see such a pair?

No, ma'am, don't reckon I have.

Oh, it's the most
beautiful dress

- in the whole world.
- Do you like it, Mom?

Like it?

Never in my whole life have
I had such a dress, never.

Festus, what am I
gonna do with these two?

Well, ma'am, I reckon
it'd be kinda hard to know

just how to give 'em
everything they got coming.

And on top of that, you just as
same as storied to your mama

when you let her think that
you earned all that money

to buy the dress with.

But we're gonna earn it all.

We're gonna pay you back.

You dang betcha you
are, every penny of it.

If she knew what we'd done,

she'd make us take the
dress back to Mr. Beckwith.

You gotta see why
we done it, Festus.

Well, I can see why you done it,

but what you done was wrong.

But we wrote you that note.

We said we'd mail you
the money to Dodge.

Didn't you read it?

Well, I can tell you
what happened there.

See, I rode down to Dodge

and clean forgot to
bring my spectacles.

I can't read no writing
at all without them.

Wrote notes, that don't
make no never mind, Chad.

Not when you've went
and took a man's money.

And you know'd it's wrong or
you'd have came right to me

and asked me for it to my face.

Yes, sir.

There was no way we'd
have earned enough to get it

in time for the wedding.

Mr. Beckwith
wanted all his money

before he'd give it to us.

I asked him for credit when
you went to the store with us,

but he said no.

We just had to have
ten more dollars, Festus.

I figured on taking
it, like it was a loan.

I was wrong.

We figured that them dollars
couldn't be as important to you

as they was to us.

We figured you
could always get more.

You know how to make money.

Keep it going in there.

Get that fire hotter, it
ain't rendering fast enough.

Keep the fires hotter, you hear?

You gotta keep that
fat feeding in there.

You out to work, ugly?

Well that there just depends.

How long would it take
me to make ten dollars?

Ten dollars, ten days.

With all the vittles
you could eat.

That is, if you can still
eat at the end of the day.

Watch what you're doing,
you blamed knucklehead.

Get back to work.

I ain't giving you no
dollar a day for playing.

Well, I wasn't playing.

- You were playing.
- Blamed idiot.

Six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Ten dollars for ten days.

Now you tell me,
when did you ever get

any quicker money any easier?

Now don't you spend it
all in one place, you hear?

If those cattle prices keep
going up and going down,

we gotta get a spur in here.

Why don't you go
over to the Gazette

and see if there's any change.

Excuse me, fellers.

Mister, could you tell me where

the Coberly's Hotel
for Genteel Ladies is?

You get much closer,
they'll come out and grab you.

Right behind you, fuzzy.

Mister, I'm alooking
for Charity Spencer.

Charity Spencer?

She told me she was
fixing to put up here.

At the Coberly Hotel
for Genteel Ladies?

To be near her
work you might say?

Where is she at, mister?

Well, her key's here
so she must be inside.

Then this newspaper
reporter, you know,

he's got his pad and
pencil all set, he says,

"When was that, madam?

"When the man jumped at
you from out of the bushes?"

And the woman said, "No.

"Just now when I went yeah!"

I'm alooking for Charity.

Charity's the last
thing you're gonna get

at the Coberly Hotel, mister.

Festus, what in the world?

Charity, I've been a
spell a-getting here.

Can I talk to you?

I guess so.

What did you want?

What can he afford?

Sit down.

This is surely a surprise.

Thank you, Charlie, I
don't think we need drinks.

- This is an old friend of mine.
- You know the rules, Charity.

No drinky, no talky.

Charity, what are you doing
at a place like this here?

Well, Festus, don't
you remember?

The newspaper ad.

Coberly Hotel for
Genteel Ladies?

Convenient to all
points of interest?

Well, this is the
major point of interest.

- You're getting outta here right now.
- No.

No, I'm not.

I like it here.

You like it?

Yes.

And for the first time in
my life, I'm having fun.

Why, I get a percentage
of every drink.

And I've made nearly $50.

Well, what's the matter?

Well, it's money that
I've came here about.

Oh.

You didn't get as much for
my things as you thought?

No, ma'am.

I got $11 more.

Well, I don't understand.

Well, I've brang it to you.

You came all the way to
Abilene to bring me $11?

Yes, ma'am.

Another glass, Ms. Charity?

No, no thank you, Charlie.

Whatever you say.

Hey, where are you
going with that money?

Now that's champagne,
bud, $10 a bottle.

$10?

You bet.

And I can't cork it back
up once it's opened.

Charlie.

Let it go, Festus.

Let it go.

Festus.

Hey, look here,
everybody, it's Festus.

Hello, Festus.

Clay.

- Hello, Festus.
- Hello, Festus.

Good luck, Ms. Schuldenhaus.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

- Bye, Festus.
- Goodbye, Festus.

- Be good boys.
- Festus.

I'm sorry.

- It's all right, Charity.
- Goodbye, Festus.

- Goodbye, Festus.
- Come and see us.

I reckon it was
worth it after all.

Stay tuned for exciting scenes

from our next Gunsmoke.

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