Gunsmoke (1955–1975): Season 15, Episode 18 - Doctor Herman Schultz, M.D. - full transcript

Dr. Herman Schultz, a longtime friend of Doc Adams comes to Dodge City to experiment with Mesmerization (hypnotism) as a medical procedure. However, his motives seem to be less noble.

Gunsmoke, starring
James Arness as Matt Dillon.

Morning, Festus.

Matthew.



Sure hope you're not gonna be
too busy for the next couple of days.

Onliest thing on my mind's
this here blamed tooth.

- Is that still bothering you?
- Oh.

Why don't you go see Doc?

Matthew, have you
ever saw that thingamajig

old Doc jobs down your goober?

Doesn't look to me like
you got much choice.

It's either that or live with
a toothache, you know.

I'm kind of affeared to ask
old Doc again, Matthew.

Four times he's had me in that chair
and four times I've squiggled out of it.

Well, do you think you can get
along with doing things here till Friday?

Oh, course. That
ain't no problem.



All right. Well, I'm gonna be
heading up to Garden City, you know.

They had a strange
robbery took place up there.

The safe and the freight
office were locked up tight,

and yet $3,000 wound up missing.

I'm going up there
and check on it.

You better get on over to
Doc's and have him fix that tooth.

All right, Matthew.

Doc.

Maybe you and me could talk
about this here tooth again. Do you...

Sorry. I kind of mistook you.

It's all right.

I'm just glad it wasn't old Doc.

I know just what that old scudder's
gonna say the minute I walk in there.

He'll say, "Well, I've tried
to pull it three or four times

and you wouldn't let me do it.

Now you can just go on
and scratch for yourself."

Oh, I can hear that old
scamp. Now, you get...

- Hello.
- Yes, sir.

I'd like to have a room, please.
Second floor. It looks on the street.

Street side...

All full except one, and
that's reserved for Mr. O'Leary.

This Mr. O'Leary, he would
be unhappy with another room?

Oh, very unhappy,
sir. He wired ahead.

He always likes this particular
room whenever he comes into Dodge.

I see. I see. Well,
that's too bad.

I do have a very nice
room facing the side.

Catches the night breezes.

That's an attractive watch, sir.

Oh, well, thank you. I'm
glad that you appreciate.

- Quite unusual.
- Yes.

Like little stars in the heaven,

they twinkle, twinkle... Sleepy.

Sleepy.

Sleep.

Mr. O'Leary, he will
like this other room.

He has a sudden
fondness for night breezes.

You will not remember my words.

You said you had a nice room
for me facing the street, please.

Yes, it was reserved
for Mr. O'Leary,

but I recall him saying
something about night breezes.

I'm sure he'd much
prefer the side.

All right. I thank
you very much.

Number four, sir. And I hope
you enjoy your stay in Dodge.

Oh, I certainly will. The people
in Dodge is most cooperative.

Whoa, whoa. Whoa, here.

- Doc, how you doing?
- Newly. What in thunder is that?

It looks like a lot of promising
to me, painless healing.

"Only a small charge made

to those willing to partake
in new medical experiments."

I'm getting sick and tired of these
fakers around... Where's Matt?

Well, sir, he left a while
ago. He's over in Garden City.

But Festus, he's
down the Long Branch.

Well, have you seen
this miracle worker?

I saw him headed over
to the Dodge House,

a little man carrying
a medical bag.

I'll straighten him out.

Doc can't blame me none
if my tooth quits hurtin'

every time he jobs that
who's-he-what's-it in my mouth.

Festus, you're just imagining
that Doc won't help you.

Now, when he gets back to
town, you just up and ask him.

I know better than
that, Miss Kitty.

He'll say I ain't got no more
sense than my mule's got

and that he ain't gonna mess
around with that tooth no more.

He'll twist and turn them words

and jabber away with everything
he can think of tryin' to hurrah me.

- I know him.
- Here, try some of that.

- See if it won't help the tooth.
- Much obliged, Miss Kitty.

He'll start off with mutton-head.
He'll call me a mutton-head.

And then he'll build up to
where I ain't got enough brains

to fill up a thimble with.

And then he'll start to
insult me. I can hear him.

Fine thing, deputy marshal here in
the saloon this early in the morning

drinking hard liquor.

All right, you
ornery old scudder.

Just never you mind a-callin' me
a mutton-head and stuff like that.

I haven't called
you anything yet.

The way it appears to me, a doctor is
supposed to be patient with his patients

expectin' him to have patience.

And you're just a-gonna wind up
to where you ain't got no patients

if you don't start to havin'
some patience, I'll tell you that.

- Can you translate that for me?
- I think he has a toothache.

Well, for heaven's sakes, all
you gotta do is go up in my office

and wait for me
like you always do.

But you know as well as I do that
your toothache'll completely disappear

the very second you hear
my footsteps on the stairs.

Now, I wanna talk to
you about something.

You're a deputy.
You got a badge.

Now, you know how Matt and I feel
about quacks coming into this town.

Well, right at this very minute

one of them's parked his
rig down at the livery stable

and he's registered
over in the Dodge House.

Now, why do you
allow a thing like that?

Well, why do you?

Well, maybe Dodge is gettin'
big enough for two quacks.

You... That's...

Don't you get smart with me.

Here, you take that bag and you get
up to my office and you wait for me.

- Where are you goin'?
- None of your business.

I don't know which tooth is
bothering you, but I know one thing,

it certainly is not
a... a wisdom tooth.

650.

1,500.

2,875.

Total... 8,625.

Dodge City is last.

If I could only get 2,000 more.

- It is?
- Dr. Adams. I wanna talk to you.

I don't hear so good,
please. Who is it?

My name's Dr. Adams, and I wanna
talk to you. Now, open the door.

I do not need a doctor
because I am a doctor.

Well, that's exactly what I wanna
talk to you about. Now, open up.

You may go away, but... but,
for heaven's sake, I'll open up.

What do you think, that I
am someone what you...?

I am the physi... Hey... Galen?

Galen Adams?

- Herman?
- Yes.

- Herman Schultz.
- Oh, for heaven's sake!

Well, you old son of a gun.

Galen Adams here in Dodge City.

How long? 30 years?

Oh, Herman, 35, must
be. 35 years at least.

Whatever the years, a
drink we must have, huh?

- You know...
- Oh, my Galen.

You have no idea seeing you, what
you... You're a sight for sore eyes.

- Yeah, where was we last together?
- Well, I don't remember that.

But the last I recall about you

was you were on your way to
Austria to do medical research.

- I went, I went.
- You did?

Mm-hm. And... Here's the drink.

- Herman?
- Yeah?

- What I came up here about.
- Yeah.

- That buggy, the painless healing.
- Oh, now.

Then the good town
doctor was coming up here

to throw the charlatan
out of this town.

Well, now, just a minute.

I'm confident that you would not
be involved in anything unethical.

But you have no idea how
many charlatans, as you say,

prey on these little
western Kansas towns.

- Now, you know how I feel about that.
- Yes.

I lecture and I give
demonstrations.

Well, then, you do
promise painless healing?

I lecture in little towns on my
way to a symposium in Denver.

I leave behind me a word of hope for
those who would not have the strength

to bear the pain
of an operation.

I don't think I understand you.

Mesmerizing, Galen. Mesmer...

Have you heard of
this, mesmerizing?

Well, yes, of course, but, well,
certainly not applied to surgery.

It is an entirely new field, new,
but it needs much research.

Well, now, let me understand.

You mean that you... you
can mesmerize a patient

so that he... he won't feel
any pain under surgery?

Unfortunately only one
out of twenty respond.

But those few, they will not
feel pain under suggestion.

To be successfully used
in medicine, of course,

the science of
mesmerizing must be exact.

Oh, we can do little things,
you know, for most people.

Like having a hotel
clerk give you a room

what was reserved
for somebody else.

- You worked it on Howie downstairs?
- Yeah.

Well, keep in practice.
I have a little fun.

- Well, I'll declare.
- Yeah.

Well, I can certainly understand

how it could be a great, great
boon to medicine, of course,

if... if you... if...

You say you need a special
type of patient for this to work on?

Generally they are most
unusual in their thinking processes.

I think I have exactly
the patient that you need

waiting for me in
my office right now.

Well, good.

He's waiting up there for
me to pull a tooth for him now.

This fella is not one
out of 20, as you say.

He's one in a million.

Howdy, Doc. You know
that toothache I had?

It just clean went
away all by its own self.

Ain't that good?

It don't hardly hurt
none at all no more.

Festus, I want you to meet Dr. Schultz,
an old and dear friend of mine.

Doctor, this is Festus Haggen.

- It is a pleasure.
- Mine too.

Doc, I got a whole heap
of business to be tended to,

so I'll see you all directly.

No, now, nonsense.
You just wait right here.

I've heard that song before.

You know as well as I do that
ten minutes after you leave here,

why, that tooth'll start rarin'
on you again and you'll start...

Just sit down.

Well, the thing is, Doc, I
don't wanna take up your time,

'cause you got a whole mess
of sick folks to be took care of.

Festus, you are absolutely
my sole concern at the moment.

Now, you just sit right down
there and talk to Dr. Schultz.

- Yeah, but...
- Mr. Festus, you are the Dodge lawman?

Just a deputy, mister... Doctor.

I just wish old Doc could
get it through his head

that this here tooth of mine ain't
worth all the trouble he's a-goin' to.

I give you my word of honor,

you will not feel any pain
when your tooth is pulled.

Fiddle! I ain't
worried about no pain.

Us Haggens, we can stand
all kinds of... What's that?

Well, never mind what this is.

- Just lean back and open your...
- Well, wait.

Now, just lean back
and open your mouth.

- Well, wait a minute, Doc.
- Oh, just...

I'm not gonna do
anything, I promise you.

Just... Now, hold... hold still.

Now, hold on here.

Well, I'll declare.

This is absolutely
incredible, Herman.

- What, Galen?
- Galen?

Oh, shut up and
keep your mouth open.

Hmm.

Medical phenomenon. You got 36
teeth, four more than a human being.

A good subject, I think.

- Why don't we start?
- Yes.

Mr. Haggen, please
look at my watch.

- That's a right nice watch.
- Well, just look at it.

- Well, I done saw it.
- Well, keep looking at his watch.

- He wants to...
- Mr. Haggen, look at my watch.

See how it swings to and fro.

Look at the little jewel lights.

They shine like stars.

Twinkle, twinkle.

Sleepy. Sleepy.

Sleepy.

Sleep.

Now, Mr. Haggen, while your tooth
is being pulled, you will feel no pain.

You will be so happy, you
will even want to pull it yourself.

No pain. Just a tickle.

When I snap my
fingers, you will be awake.

Absolutely amazing.

He's ready.

What was that you
was sayin', Doc?

Well, Festus, I just said that I
was gonna pull a tooth for you.

Oh, good. Right here, yeah.

Maybe I can help you, Doc. I can get
hold of the grabbers and help you pull.

Thank you. I think I'm gonna be able
to handle this all right all by myself.

All right, now,
just... just hold still.

- What's the matter?
- Tickles.

Just hold still. That's better.

I am absolutely amazed.

Ja, Galen, perhaps someday
the snap of a doctor's fingers,

and a patient will be able to endure
any pain necessary for any operation,

no matter how major.

All right, now.

I'm just almost finished here.
Now, here's what I want... Just...

Just right there. All right, now, I
want you to just bite down on that.

Not now. I'll tell
you... Don't you...

All right, now, just slow there.

Just keep your jaws tight on that
and... you just sit there and rest.

Herman, I never
thought I'd live to see that.

Thank you.

Well, I can certainly
see when you get this...

Here, let me help
you with this, please.

Thank you. Herman, you
wanna have some fun?

I always like to enjoy.

- He's a very good friend of mine.
- Oh, I saw that, yeah.

Now, I wouldn't want to miss this
opportunity for anything in the world.

Now, while you
got him like this,

is it possible for you to make him
think that he's an animal, a chicken or...?

I could make him a chicken,
a duck, a rooster, a cow...

- Rooster.
- All right. Very simple.

He doesn't even have
to be mesmerized.

Oh, yeah?

No, you see, there's something
we don't understand yet at all,

that when we put
someone to sleep

and tell them to do something
when they wake up, they do it.

Why, we don't know yet.

- Wouldn't harm him?
- Oh, no, no, no, no.

All right, I'm going
over to the Long Branch,

and you give me
a couple of minutes

and you make him a rooster
and bring him over there.

I'll see you.

Oh.

Doc leave, did he, Dr. Schultz?

Yes, he waits for us
at the Long Branch.

Festus, you can remove this.

Oh, yes, sir.

Festus, you and I are going
to become very good friends.

Yes, good friends, Dr. Schultz.

No, that's all right. When we are
alone, you could call me Herman.

Yes, sir. Herman, I mean.

Yeah. Now, listen
to me very carefully.

My Dodge House room faces
the street. It's a corner room.

Tonight when you are
walking on the street,

I want you to keep
your eye on the window.

When the shade is pulled down,

you will come to my room without
saying one word to anybody.

- Do you understand?
- You betcha, Herman.

Good. Now we will
go to the Long Branch

and you will walk in
like you were a rooster,

a very big rooster
who feels like crowing.

You will crow five times.
Do you understand?

Yes, sir, Doc. Herman, I mean.

Shall we go join Doc
in the Long Branch?

That's a real good idea,
Her... Doc... Herman, I mean.

No, no, no, it's all
right. We are friends.

Real good friends, Herman.

- What's gotten into him?
- You'll have to ask another chicken.

Festus, what in heaven's
name has gotten into you?

Well, Miss Kitty,
there's... there's times

when a fella just has to
do what he feels like doin'.

And I just kind of felt like
crowin'. What's so bad about that?

You're acting like a jackass.

All right, quiet.
Quiet, in here.

Please. Please, folks, quiet. Just...
Just a... Just a minute, if you please.

Now, what you have just
seen, well, it was a little joke,

but it does have its practical side,
and I'm gonna explain it to you.

Just a few minutes ago,
Festus was up in my office

and I pulled a tooth for him and he
did not experience one bit of pain.

Now, I'll tell you why.

It was because my
friend Dr. Schultz here,

through the power of suggestion,

was able to convince him

that it would be a pleasant
experience instead of a painful one.

Now, that's the truth. Now,
it's called mesmerization.

Now, I don't... I don't
profess to understand this,

but as a doctor, I can't tell
you how excited it makes me,

and it just makes me
so proud, I... well, let's...

I just want now you to meet
my friend, Dr. Herman Schultz.

Thank you very much.
But enough of me.

Do me the honor and let
me buy you a drink, please.

Look, you have
here a... a music man.

Mister, would you please make
me a oom-pa-pa, oom-pa-pa?

He crows better than he dances.

Doc, you ought to be
ashamed of yourself.

Why?

Having that friend of yours
make a fool out of Festus like this.

I wouldn't have missed
this for anything in the world.

You are incorrigible.

Quit that! I don't
dance none with fellas.

Doc, I just don't
like that fella.

Why not?

Well, because, for one
thing, he talks funny.

Talks funny? He talks
six different languages.

And he probably talks
funny in all of 'em too.

- You still got it in you.
- Thank you, Galen.

- Galen?
- Oh, Dr. Schultz.

Miss Kitty Russell, who
owns the Long Branch.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

What a beautiful necklace.

- Befitting a beautiful lady.
- Well, thank you very much.

Same old Herman.

To your health,
please, Miss Russell.

And to your place.

Come in!

Well, come in, Festus. Come
in, come in. I'm glad to see you.

I... didn't aim to bother
you none, Herman.

Now, you will come and
have a drink with me?

Yes?

I don't reckon it'd hurt none.

No, no. Now,
Festus, listen to me.

There is a special stage
coming through Dodge tomorrow.

Oh.

You're talking about the stage
that carries that money box

put up every week
at the freight office?

Yes, and we have to
protect that money box.

Oh, course, we always do.

You always do what?

Take good care of the money box.

But how? We must
be very careful.

Marshal Dillon has entrusted you
to be sure that that money is safe

and I'm here trying to help you.

Oh, I know that, Herman.

All right. What time will that
stage come through Dodge?

That there's a secret.

You're getting very sleepy,
Festus. Close your eyes.

Sleepy. Sleepy.

Sleep.

All right, now.

Everything that I tell you to do

you will do because your
Marshal Dillon will wish you to do it.

Do you understand?

- Yes.
- Good.

Very important we
guard that money box.

Most importantest
thing there is.

All right. What time does that
stage come through Dodge?

That there's a secret.

- Burke.
- Yes?

He's...

onliest one knows what time.

- Burke?
- Burke.

Fella works at
the freight office.

- How do you protect the gold?
- Well, there's no gold tonight, sir.

- Only the cash box.
- Yeah, of course, the cash box.

And you and I will
protect it, Mr. Burke.

- Yes, sir.
- What time does it arrive?

- At midnight.
- How do you protect it?

The shotgun and the driver make
sure the money's placed into the safe.

Then I lock the safe.

If you locked the safe,
you could unlock it.

When money's placed into the
safe, it takes more than a key.

The combination lock is turned
and only Mr. Smythe can open it.

- Mr. Smythe? Where is he?
- He'll be here tomorrow morning, sir.

Let me ask you, supposing
the money is not put in the safe.

Sir?

Supposing you are not around
here and the freight office is closed.

There must be somewhere
else where the money is safe.

Yes, sir. The marshal
guards it for the night.

The marshal? In this
case, the deputy marshal?

Yes, sir. Festus Haggen.

Yes, I see now.

- Sir?
- I tell you what.

The stage arrives at midnight
and you will leave at 11 o'clock.

Yes, sir.

You will close the freight
office and then go visiting.

Who would be someone
that you would visit?

My mother? She
likes for me to visit her.

Where does she live?

Across the street
from here, top floor.

- Sir?
- You will not go visiting tonight.

You will go riding.

You will ride out into the
night until you see the sunrise.

- Then you may come home.
- Yes, sir.

When I snap my fingers, you will
not remember this conversation.

Oh, before I do...

Dr. Adams told me
he has a lady patient

by the name Andrews,
Anderson, something?

- Mrs. Anders.
- Yeah, thank you.

Now, before you leave at 11
o'clock, you will inform Dr. Adams

that Mr. Anders wants the
doctor to come to his farm.

It will be very urgent.

Yes, sir. Doc Adams to come
to the Anders farm. Very urgent.

Oh, yes, Doctor,
as I was saying,

the wedding wagon would be your best
choice if you wanna save some money.

Thank you very much, but I'll
come back and tell you if I decide.

- Goodbye.
- Good day, Doctor.

- Want some more?
- No. No, thanks.

Well, it ain't that I don't
take to Dr. Schultz, Doc.

It's just, well, it's kind of...

I mean... Well, you
know what I mean.

Hmm.

The day I know what you
mean the first time around

is the day I'll run
the flag up the pole.

Doc, ain't you ever got yourself a
kind of a slippedy, wobbledy feelin'

like you're a-slippin'
and a-slidin'

and you can't understand
the way you feel

of havin' that
kind of a feelin'?

Those words ought
to be carved in granite.

Why?

Because a thousand
years from now

nobody's gonna
believe you ever existed.

All right, there you go again.

- Every day you start off the same way.
- Good morning.

Excuse me. Am I
interrupting something?

Of course not. Certainly not.

Would you believe it, I
never was before in a jail?

Well, now, that's certainly not a
bad complaint to have, Herman.

You know, I was on my way to
breakfast just now. Will you join me?

- No, thank you, Galen, no.
- Galen?

- Shut up.
- I had already breakfast.

I thought maybe I could visit with
Festus, he would show me the cells.

Well, that's fine. Just don't
let him lock you in one of 'em.

- Oh, he wouldn't do that.
- Well, don't be too sure.

He's already locked
himself in twice that I know of.

All right, you smart
aleck, you old scamp.

This here's where we keep all
the outlaws at, Doctor... Herman...

I don't know why it is I keep
a-callin' you Herman, Herman.

It's just kind of comes
natural to me somehow.

Well, that's all right,
Festus. We're friends.

Festus, listen to me.
We have a problem.

The money stage arrives tonight,
but the freight office will be closed,

so we have to find a
safe place for that money.

Safe place for the money?

What is safer than a jail?

Jail's a real safe place.

You will tell the stage driver

to bring the money box
here and put it in a cell.

Then tell him the marshal
gave you those orders.

Marshal give me the orders.

Then I will come back and
together we will guard the money.

You and me guard
the money together.

You're a good man, Festus.

Uh, like I was saying, Herman,

this here's the place where
we keep all the scallywags at.

Well, Dodge City is a nice
place. No scallywags today.

Good morning, my friend, Festus.

Why in the Sam Hill do I keep
callin' that old coot Herman for?

Oh, Herman, Dodge
City's become home to me.

I could have settled in any one
of a hundred towns, I suppose...

Mrs. Anders wants you to
come out to her place right away.

- What's the trouble?
- Well, I don't know.

I just ran into Mr. Anders and he
said to have you come right on out.

It's very...
It's... It's urgent.

Well, now, just hold on a
minute here. Just a minute.

I guess I'd better get
on out there, Herman.

Wait a minute. Burke,
you can do me a big favor.

If you'll go up to my
office, Mrs. Donniger...

Doc, I can't do anybody
any favors tonight.

Well, now, wait a
minute. Why can't you?

- Well, I gotta go riding.
- Riding?

It's somethin' I gotta do real
bad. It's a personal matter.

There's another
prime subject for you.

Well, I'm gonna try to get
back tomorrow morning,

and if I do, we'll have
breakfast together.

Nice, Galen.

Oh, excuse me. I forgot.

Well, it sure is a quiet night.

Sam, why don't you take an
early break? I can handle things.

Well, thank you, Miss Kitty.

- Miss Russell.
- Well, good evening, Doctor.

Could I treat you
to a night cap?

I think it's time somebody
else bought you a drink.

Well, thank you.
Thank you very much.

Excuse me. I was looking
at your beautiful necklace.

I'm attracted to such
exquisite jewelry.

May I examine it, please?

Of course.

Oh, thank you so much.

Oh, it is exquisite.

Look at the lights,
how they shine.

They twinkle like little stars.

Little stars that shine

and bring the
warmth of a caress.

A caress that makes for sleep.

Sleepy. Sleepy.

Sleep.

Miss Russell, I wish
to buy this necklace.

Name a moderate price.

Whatever gave you the idea I
wanted to sell it, Dr. Schultz?

You are not only a most beautiful
woman with excellent tastes,

but a most extraordinary person.

Well... thank you very much.

Good night, Miss Russell.

Good night, Dr. Schultz.

- Hold up there!
- Whoa!

There's a change
of plan, Stoney.

With the freight office done
locked up and Burke out of town,

I want you to bring your
money box to the jail.

- In the jail?
- Yeah, for safekeeping.

I'm gonna lock it up, so
just come on down yonder

and I'll lock her
up good and tight.

- If you say so, Festus.
- Hup!

Just tell me this. Is
the money box here?

Oh, course. It's right there
where you said we ought to put it.

Right here where
nobody can get at it. See?

But, Festus, tell me this. Are
you sure that it is safe in there?

Fact is I was just thinking about
that when you come in, Herman,

about the money not being safe.

And I got me a idea,

'cause I don't think that
money box ought to be in the cell

where some yahoo could maybe
get his hands on these here keys

and open up the cell
door, don't you see?

That's very good thinking. A
key could open up the door.

So I have my buggy outside.

That is the last place
anybody would think of looking.

So I figured out somethin'
that's gonna make you so proud.

We'll just fix it where nobody
ain't gonna get their hands

on these here keys.

Now we can both go get
ourselves a good night's sleep

and not worry about nobody
opening up this here cell door.

And I'll fix us a
pot of fresh coffee

and maybe you could tell me all
about the olden days, you know,

when you and
Doc was in school...

when you used to do

all that dancing and singing and
stuff, and when you and Doc would...

There must be other keys.

Festus. Never mind
that. Never mind that.

Where is the duplicate keys
what'll open that cell door?

Oh, them there's the
onliest keys we got.

See, I was figuring
on getting Newly,

he's our gunsmith here in town,

and he is the handiest fella
you have ever saw working with...

But could you get
him here tonight?

Oh, no, he ain't gonna
be back till tomorrow,

but I'll get him to
open it up then.

And you know one thing,
Matthew, he's the marshal here,

he's gonna be
a-shakin' your hand

for a-pitchin' in and helping me
to protect that there money box.

Festus, there must be another
way to open that cell door!

Herman, I'll guarantee you there ain't
no way nobody can get that money box.

It's old Doc a-gettin'
back in town.

I'll tell you something, he's gonna
be mighty proud of you too, Herman,

for helping us out with...

I'll get a new pot of coffee made
for when you fellas get back.

Kitty, have you seen Burke?

No, I haven't. You
look mighty put out.

Well, I am upset. He sent
me on a wild-goose chase.

If I hadn't have run into Bill Anders,
I'd have gone all the way out to his...

Well, that's Herman's rig.

Sure seems to be
leaving town in a hurry.

Well, he never
said a thing to...

That's kind of strange.

You know, speaking of
things that are strange,

I... I have a feeling

that he was trying to do that
mesmerizing thing to me tonight.

What?

Well, you know, this... this
necklace he was so crazy about,

he was trying to talk
me into selling it to him.

But he was talking funny, like.

I'd better see what
Festus knows about this.

Doc, wasn't that Herman's
buggy a-leavin' town?

Yeah, it was,
and I just can't...

Herman, you say?

Yeah, well, that there's
kind of a funny thing.

You know how a fella'll start to
call another fella by his first name.

Course, I ain't ever
aimed to be dis-receptacle.

Hold on a minute, here.
Festus, look me right in the eye.

I want to ask you a question.
Do you like Herman Schultz?

Course I do.

Have you always
liked Herman Schultz?

Ain't no reason why not to, Doc.

You wanna see what
me and Herman done?

- I think I do.
- Oh, we been...

We been protecting
the... the money box.

Here I've got her
locked up in the cell.

Of course, I've thrown the keys in
there now. That there was my idea.

But I don't think Herman
liked that too good.

Why not?

- Because he had a safer place for it.
- Where?

Well, he said it'd be
safer in his buggy.

You know, I feel kind
of bad about that, Doc,

'cause it appeared like he
got a little bit upset with me.

Where you goin', Doc?

I'll upset him.

One man in a million.

Where could you find
such a empty head?

Who would think to
throw a key in a cell?

Nobody.

Hah!

Come on!

- Hold up!
- Go away!

- Are you gonna stop or not?
- No!

Hold on there!

Stop! Now!

Get off me!

Get away from me, Galen!

- I'll Galen you!
- Stop it!

Look what you're doing!

Pull over, Herman!

Will you stop with your sparks?

Galen, no, no.

You was lucky
you didn't hurt me.

- You're gonna be hurt!
- No, no. No.

Galen, it is... It
is not dignified.

- Doctors do not fight.
- You are no... You're no doctor.

- You're a crook.
- You forget one thing.

When we was in college, who,
when we had a fight, who won?

I'll never forget it.

Galen. Galen, please.

We are getting a little
too old for this foolishness.

Please, can we
settle it another way?

I'll tell you how
we'll settle this.

You're going back
into Dodge with me

and you'll take Festus out of
that... that state you left him in.

I thought the state I left him
in was... was an improvement.

I liked him that way!

Galen, listen, listen.

I'll give you the money. I'll
give you all the... the money.

What money?

I give you all... all the money.

What I took from Garden City,

from Wichita and
from Three Forks.

$8,000.

Not... Not for me. For research.

If I had gotten lucky in Dodge
City, I would have had a beginning.

I don't know
anything about that.

- Herman...
- What?

I know this.

You are coming back into
Dodge with me right now,

or I'm gonna break every
bone in your carcass!

All right, I'll go with you.

And when I snap my fingers,
you will be yourself again.

One, two, three.

Doc.

- Matthew.
- Festus.

Festus, Dr. Herman
Schultz you know.

I met Dr. Schultz.

Well, his first name's
Herman, you know.

I know that.

I just call my friends
by their first name.

I'm satisfied,
Matt, he's all right.

Well, that's good enough for me.

I suppose now I
have to be locked up?

- I'm afraid so, Doctor.
- Let me do it, Matthew.

You know, maybe it
wouldn't be so bad.

We could find a judge who's sick

and will appreciate some
medical research, Galen.

Galen?

Herman.

I wish you the
best of everything.

- I mean it.
- Thank you.

From now on, just use that watch
the way it was intended, will you?

Mr. Festus.

- Thanks, Sam.
- Much obliged, Sam.

You're welcome.

- I'll just have some coffee, Sam.
- Yes, ma'am.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hm.

- Matthew.
- Hello, Matt.

- Matt, any news yet?
- No, not yet, Doc.

Judge Berger's still got
the case under advisement,

but, you know, the fact
that... of Doc Schultz' age

and there's, well, the fact that
he returned the money and all,

I don't think they're
gonna be too tough on him.

Well, I certainly hope not because,
well, no matter how Herman turned out,

he... he still is a fine,
fine medical man.

Now, there's something
I wanna say here.

Thank you.

I owe everybody here an apology,
and I guess a lot of other folks too.

- I really do.
- Oh, Doc, it's not your fault.

You meet an old friend and you
take him for what you knew him to be.

No, I do, Kitty. I...
I... I owe that apology.

Well, I owe... I owe you an
apology, Festus, most of all.

Oh, fiddle, Doc.

I do, I do, because
you, right from the start,

instinctively knew that there was
something wrong with Herman, and...

and... well, that's
more than I knew.

You were smarter
than I was about it.

Well, if you're gonna be
a-pattin' folks on the back,

I'll tell you, now,

the way that you whomped that old
coot and brung him back to Dodge,

well, maybe you ought
to be the Dodge deputy.

Don't you think so, Matthew?

Well, yeah, but then what
would you do for a living?

Well, maybe I could kind
of do the town doctorin'.

Course, you'd have to tell
me a couple of doctorin' things.

Well, I could fill you in on
that in a couple of hours.

There's one thing that's a-fuddlin'
me somethin' terrible, Doc.

What?

Well, now, when a doctor
doctors another doctor...

Yeah?

Well, does the doctor
that's a-doin' the doctorin'

doctor the doctor
that's a-gettin' doctored

the way that the doctor
that's a-doin' the doctorin'

wants to doctor the doctor
that's a-gettin' doctored?

Or does the doctor
that's a-gettin' doctored

tell the doctor that's
a-doin' the doctorin'

to doctor the doctor
that's gettin' doctored

the way that the
doctor that's...

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from next week's Gunsmoke.

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