Gunsmoke (1955–1975): Season 12, Episode 16 - Saturday Night - full transcript
A cattle-drive, led by Virgil Powell, help a sick Matt Dillon gets his prisoner to Dodge. But the prisoner has made a deal with a cowboy on the drive to avoid a certain hanging.
(dramatic theme music playing)
(both guns fire)
ANNOUNCER: starring
James Arness as Matt Dillon.
♪♪
(gunshot echoing)
Let's go.
♪♪
There it is.
Come on.
(sighing)
Before I hang, I'm
going to see you dead.
For killing my brother Billy.
Don't count on it, Craddock.
Let's go.
That way.
♪♪
(theme music playing)
♪♪
(canteen clatters on ground)
(groaning softly)
It don't matter now, Marshal.
(chuckling)
No, sir.
(breathing heavily)
It don't matter no more.
(groans)
That bad water...
is going to do what
me and Billy couldn't.
We bought...
two tickets.
(wheezing chuckle)
Y-You hear me, Dillon?
You're dead.
(men hollering and
whistling in distance)
(hoofbeats approaching)
(men whistling, hollering)
(cows mooing, men
continue hollering)
Whoa.
Marshal?
Got your insides cleaned out.
Got you looking a bit better.
(sighs)
I don't know how I could...
feel much worse
and still be alive.
Well, you ain't out of
the woods yet, Marshal.
Open up your mouth again.
(groans) What is that stuff?
This is chocolate milk.
That other was mustard and salt.
That's what made you sick.
You got to buck up, Marshal.
That's the kind of cooking we've
had all the way up from Texas.
(chuckling)
You look like you're
starving, don't you?
We got to get all of this
we can down you, Marshal.
We got rid of some
of that there poison.
That's a little lick dab,
gonna straighten you right out.
What about that other fella?
Well, we saw the irons on him.
We figured he was
a pretty bad one.
He still alive?
He's over there
moaning and groaning.
Oh, we ain't fooled with him.
We wasn't sure we'd
get you to come around.
Well, I...
I'd sure appreciate it if you'd
get some of that down him.
What?
Oh, sure.
Here, Cook'd give it a try here.
Houndog, Chick.
COOK: All right, Chick.
Come on over
here, boys, we got...
to get this guy in here.
We got to get him
to upchuck in here.
Come here.
Let's have that stuff.
I'm Virgil Powell,
Tarrant County, Texas.
Cross R. Ranch.
Oh, howdy.
Matt Dillon's my name,
out of Dodge City.
Dodge City?
- Yeah.
- Wow.
I guess that's probably where
you fellas are headed, isn't it?
- That's right.
- Yeah.
(Dillon groans)
Well, you ought to be
the first bunch in there.
You-you ought to get a
pretty good price for your beef.
I hope so. My boys
have been through a lot.
They could sure use
some... some bonus money.
Now, we took an awful
chance starting out...
COOK: Houndog, get over here.
Here, here, open his mouth up.
I'll make him upchuck.
Up! There he goes.
- Spin his head around again.
- (Craddock retching)
COOK: Here! One more time.
Come on, come on.
Starting out early like we done,
they sure deserve
to have it pay off.
Maybe I better
have a look at him.
No, no, Marshal, we'll
take care of your prisoner.
Now, you just lay back there
and you do as you're told.
There's only room for
one boss on this trail,
and you're looking at him.
Hey, hey, Chick?
He gonna live?
Beats me.
I don't see how either one
of them's made it this far.
Yeah, well, most wouldn't.
I ain't taking no bets
on the likes of them two.
No, sir, I'm with you.
Hey, Bert, give me
a plate, will you?
BERT: Yeah, coming up.
(men chuckling)
(men hollering, whistling)
(harmonica and jaw harp playing)
(harmonica and jaw
harp continue playing)
Oh, I declare, Matt,
if you ain't the
stubbornest man.
(chuckles) Stubborn?
I've been riding that
chuck wagon for three days.
You figure you're
ready to set a horse?
To get Craddock there
back to Dodge all by yourself?
I figure I'm gonna get back
there a whole lot quicker
than you fellas are gonna get
in with those cows, you know.
What's your hurry?
Don't you enjoy our company?
Oh, sure.
I think there's some mighty
fine boys on this drive.
I just think they got kind
of a hard-nosed trail boss.
(chuckles)
Well, Matt, I'll tell you what,
tomorrow, you get a horse.
You cost us some time, though,
and I figure that you owe
me about one good day's work
before you ride out of here.
You do, huh?
That's fact.
We'll just see how
much ginger you got
before we turn you loose.
All right, you're on.
It's your move.
Right there.
Mm-hmm.
(harmonica and jaw harp
playing "Camptown Races")
How's it going, Houndog?
I liked him better when
he was too sick to talk.
Watching a rattlesnake.
Spitting, fussing all the time.
Well, why don't you get
yourself a cup of coffee.
I'll sit with him for a spell.
Much obliged, partner.
Oh, make sure you get
yourself back in there a bit.
I got some gear to patch
up before we turn in.
I don't know if I
can be all that quick.
What do you mean?
I got a lot of fresh air
breathing to catch up on.
(both laugh)
Get me a cup, Bert, will you?
Been three, four years, Carl.
Looks like your luck's
just about run out.
Not yet, it ain't.
You been with this
bunch all the time?
Mm-hmm.
All the way from Texas.
I been keeping out of
your sight till I was sure
you knowed what you was doing.
I didn't want you yelling out
nothing wrong by mistake.
My name is Ross now.
C.K. Ross.
Okay... Ross.
When do you get me out of here?
With the marshal and all these
cowboys stomping around here?
That ain't very likely.
Maybe that marshal doesn't
know who C.K. Ross really is, hmm?
Oh, no.
No, I don't think so.
You know those, uh, three
years you didn't see me?
Me and the state of
Texas is all squared up.
Me and Billy got
$6,000 from the railroad.
When Dillon got close,
we stuck it away
in a safe place.
Now half it's yours.
And I can take you there.
Half?
What about Billy?
Dillon killed him.
I'll see him dead for
that, no matter what.
Killing him ain't no
part of the $3,000.
You just get me
loose, no matter how.
That's all you got
to do, Mr. Ross.
That money's yours.
I'll take care of Dillon.
Hey, Bert, how
about a fresh one?
You want some more?
(cowboys hollering
and whistling)
♪♪
Well, I don't know if I'm
going to let you go or not, Matt.
You think I might
develop into a fair drover?
Oh, maybe after
three or four trips.
(both chuckle)
You still feeling as
feisty as you was?
Oh, I'm still in the saddle.
That's about the best I can say.
(Virgil laughs)
Well, it's getting
close on to suppertime.
Let's get back to the herd.
Good.
(hollering and
whistling continue)
(indistinct,
overlapping chatter)
(overlapping chatter continues)
How's the prisoner?
Hmm, he ain't
changed none, Marshal,
if that's what you mean.
Still nastier than
a bear's breath.
Well, I'll be taking him off
your hands in the morning.
CRADDOCK: Hey, Dillon.
Long way yet 'tween
here and Dodge.
Yeah.
If I get any trouble out of you,
you'll be going in belly
down over a saddle.
How's the grub?
Ain't bad.
(overlapping chatter continues)
You like that stuff, don't you?
Marshal, would you
like a little of this here?
Yes, sir.
Okay, Marshal, it's
pretty good stuff here.
What about another
shot of that salt water?
(cackling)
(overlapping chatter continues)
(crickets chirping)
- Hey, Bert.
- Mm-hmm?
Bring me a cup
of coffee, will you?
COOK: You heard the man,
Bert. Get him some coffee.
BERT: I'll get it. I'll get it.
How about spelling
me for a while?
Well, fine.
If you want to wash
the dishes for me,
scrub the pots, go on
out and fetch some water,
chop a little wood
for breakfast,
and peel a bunch of
potatoes for about 25...
Never mind, never mind.
Yeah, never mind.
Well, let me tell you something.
There's going to be ice in Hades
the next time I hook up on
one of these cattle drives.
- Bert?
- What?
Take my plate back
for me, will you?
Uh, Bert?
What?
Thanks a lot.
(chuckles)
(dishes clattering)
Matt, you ever feel like
turning in that badge of yours,
I think you could make
a right good ramrod.
(Dillon chuckles)
Well, thanks, Virgil.
I think the work's
too hard around here.
I figured I was gonna miss
grub altogether out there
chasing those strays.
- That's what I'm talking about.
- (both chuckle)
You, uh, watch out
for yourself tomorrow.
Oh, I'm fine now, thanks
to you and your boys.
I get an early start
in the morning,
I might make Dodge
tomorrow night.
Yeah, well, you know, we'd
be obliged for your company
the rest of the trip,
now, you know that.
I'd like nothing better myself.
Shep, Lucky, this wind's
going to change directly.
You better get out
and start singing to 'em.
Yes, boss.
All righty, Virg.
Matt...
I can let you have Houndog.
You're short-handed as it is.
No, no, it makes good sense.
Why don't you take him
along? He's a good man.
Well, thanks, Virgil,
but I'll handle it alone.
With you two, it
ain't just like a...
lawman and a prisoner.
I ain't never seen
nobody like this Craddock.
When he was dying... you
know, from that poison water?
Yeah.
All he thought
about was killing you.
Yeah, I know it.
See, Virg, that's, uh...
that's why I want
to do it alone.
No point in getting
somebody else hurt.
It's a long ride tomorrow.
Oh, Cook, can you
get me some coffee?
I hear you talking, boss.
Matt, how about a
last game of checkers?
- By golly, sounds good.
- (Virgil chuckles)
Hey, Ross, take a couple of
boys and go out to the spring,
get us some fresh water.
- Come on, Chick, give me a hand.
- All right.
Yeah, I'll just set
her up right out here.
Houndog, we got to
get the water skins.
- CHICK: I got it.
- ROSS: I'll get them now.
CHICK: Oh, all right.
C.K., hold on.
- Oh, yeah.
- Whew.
Boy, it'd be good to
have a bath in a tub
instead of that water
bag, huh, Houndog?
Ooh man, come
Dodge, we'll have it.
We're pulling out tomorrow.
You don't need
$3,000 no more, huh?
It's tempting, no denying that.
He gets a rope around
my neck, that money rots.
Look, um,
it's going to be a time
before they hang you.
We're gonna follow you
to Dodge in a few days.
Maybe I can fix
something to happen then.
$3,000, Ross.
It's a lot of money.
Hey, you know, a fella told
me there's a place in Dodge
with a lot of pretty girls,
they'll sit down and
talk to a cowboy.
They'll do what?
Talk to a cowboy.
Hey, Ross, hurry
up with those bags.
Here you are, Chick.
There we go.
- Oh, he's a raunch, ain't he?
- (chuckling): Yeah.
Ross, wait till you
hear what's in Dodge.
What?
Houndog says there's
a place in Dodge
where a woman will sit down
and actually talk to a man.
(Chick and Ross laugh)
Hey, go on, get out of here.
Get, get!
That's what the man said.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
DILLON: Get up there.
DOC: You know,
you're pretty lucky, Matt.
This could have been
an awful lot worse.
I'm going to have to take
those stitches out in a few days,
and you're not gonna like
that much, I'll tell you that.
Oh, I believe that all right,
after the way you put 'em in.
Now, I'll tell you, though,
nothing could hurt me any worse
than that cow
outfit did out there.
You didn't finish
telling me about that.
What was it they give you?
Oh, chalk and
milk, salt, mustard,
anything else
they could think of.
They sure hit on all
the right things, all right.
No finer emetic than
mustard and warm water,
and then following it
with chalk and milk,
that was just fine.
Yeah, I want you to meet 'em
when they get to town, Doc.
Yeah, I'd like to,
especially that fella Virgil.
Anybody who can get you to
punch cows for a couple of days,
I'd like to shake his hand.
(chuckles)
I figured you'd have
something to say about that.
FESTUS: Doc?
I was just fixing
to go over to...
Well, that's just pure
oldie amazing, ain't it, Doc?
DOC: What's the matter with you?
How much this here feller
looks like old Matthew.
Say, feller, did
anybody ever tell you
that you got a great
family resemblance
to the marshal of our town?
I've had one or two
tell me that, yeah.
Ain't you noticed that, Doc?
Yeah.
Were you born in a barn?
Matthew, I ain't
saw no prettier sight
since my Aunt Tanzy's
fourth husband, Uncle Lutey,
come home after ten years
of being stolt by a band
of Picky Bar River pirates,
and I mean that.
(chuckles)
Festus, I'll tell you,
it's good to be back.
You'd ought to have waited
till I could have went with you.
I come in just the same
time as you left town.
Well, I know it. I
wish I could have,
but soon as I got word
from Leavenworth,
you know, I had to get right
out there to that Craddock.
Now, uh, what was all
this you were talking about?
These pirates and
your Uncle Lutey or...
- something like that?
- Oh, yeah.
Well, Uncle Lutey
had hisself a little farm
right down on the banks
of the Picky Bar River.
And he had hisself
a little pen of shoats.
And what he was doing,
see, he took some slop down,
and he was just pouring
this slop in the trough
for these here shoats and...
Oh, for heaven's sake.
♪ Oh, Susanna... ♪
(cowboys yelling and cheering)
♪ I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee ♪
♪ Goin' to Louisiana,
my true love for to see ♪
♪ I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee ♪
♪ Oh, Susanna ♪
♪ Oh, don't you cry for me ♪
♪ I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee ♪
♪ The sun so hot
I froze to death ♪
♪ Susanna, don't you cry ♪
Yee-haw! Yee-haw!
♪ Oh, Susanna ♪
♪ Oh, don't you cry for me ♪
♪ I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee ♪
♪ It rained so
hard the day I left ♪
♪ The weather it was dry ♪
♪ The sun so hot
I froze to death ♪
♪ Susanna, don't you cry ♪
♪ Oh, Susanna ♪
♪ Oh, don't you cry for me ♪
♪ I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee ♪
Yee-haw!
Yeah!
♪ I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee ♪
♪ Oh, Susanna, oh,
don't you cry for me ♪
♪ Goin' to Louisiana,
my true love for to see ♪
(cheering and whistling)
♪ Oh, Susanna, oh,
don't you cry for me ♪
♪ I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee... ♪
Yahoo!
Yee-haw!
Oh, that ought to hold
them sage brushes
till the middle of next winter.
You know, Festus, I haven't seen
anything like
that in a long time.
My foot, you haven't
never saw nothing like that!
Well, I don't want
to see any more of it,
with your spurs flailing
around out there like that.
You could kill people!
I haven't never hurt nobody yet.
That's mine.
All right, you
stingy old scudder.
- Get your own.
- I will.
- Beer.
- Golly, Matt.
FESTUS: Much obliged.
You know, it's a good thing
Kitty's not here to see this.
This place will likely be a
shambles in the morning.
Well, I held out half
pay on my boys, Doc.
See, Matt and I
are gonna tally up
all the damages all over
town, then I'll just settle up.
Well, that sounds fair
enough to me, don't it, Matt?
Well, it does, except they're
all liable to go home broke.
Well, they always have.
♪ I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee ♪
(in distance): ♪
Oh, Susanna... ♪
Hey!
Hey, pretty boy!
Deputy!
- THAD: All right.
- (door opens and closes)
What is it now?
Ain't had no food.
I'm sick.
You'll get your supper.
We drunk bad water.
The marshal told you that.
I ain't seen a doc.
My belly's on fire.
Well, the marshal will bring
your supper over pretty soon.
(in distance): ♪
Don't you cry for me ♪
♪ I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee ♪
♪ It rained so
hard the day I left ♪
♪ The weather it was dry ♪
♪ The sun so hot
I froze to death ♪
♪ Susanna, don't you cry ♪
♪ Oh, Susanna, oh,
don't you cry for me... ♪
Here.
(slurps, then gulps)
I could use another one.
♪ It rained so
hard the day I left ♪
♪ The weather it was dry ♪
♪ The sun so hot
I froze to death ♪
♪ Susanna, don't you cry ♪
♪ Oh, Susanna, oh,
don't you cry for me ♪
♪ I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee... ♪
(grunting)
(grunting)
- Keys.
- (stammers)
You're going to die, Deputy,
if I don't get those keys.
No!
Come on, boy.
(gasping)
Reach your foot
out. Give me the gun!
- No! No!
- Give me the gun!
They can only hang me once, boy.
I'll kill you, kid.
Right now, right now!
They can only hang me once, kid.
You're gonna die, boy.
Oh!
Oh!
Come on.
I'll kill you.
I'm gonna kill you, Dillon.
You better use
that gun right now.
I don't have to, mister.
You got a rope waiting for you.
Yeah? Well, you'll be
dead before Sunday, Dillon.
You'll be dead!
Kill me now! (spits)
(whooping, yelling)
(guns firing repeatedly)
Now, the marshal ain't
got time for this foolishness.
Virg, I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to take their guns.
Well, I was hoping you
wouldn't have to do that, Marshal.
The boys being a
long sight from Texas,
being stripped of their guns,
they ain't gonna
feel just right.
Well, I can understand that,
but I'm not gonna feel right
till I get rid of that hardware.
Well, you sure
got a point there.
I'll try and quiet
them down for you.
Hey! (whistles)
Quiet down!
(whooping and hollering stop)
Now... now, listen to me, you.
The marshal has an
announcement he wants to make.
Now, boys, I want you
all to have a good time,
but I don't want
anybody getting hurt.
I want to collect the guns.
- No way! -Now, listen here...
- (all clamoring)
I'm leading off!
Marshal, here's my gun.
I want you boys to do likewise.
- Ed, Cook, - (men protesting)
you get over here
and get them guns.
Come on, Virg.
(indistinct,
overlapping chatter)
We weren't harming nobody.
All right, boys.
Take 'em on over to the office.
Over in the office. This way.
- Go ahead.
- Right, Ed.
Well... thanks a lot, Virg.
Well, I wasn't figuring on
shooting nobody myself no ways.
(both laughing)
- Well, it quieted down, anyway.
- Yeah.
Oh, Marshal, Marshal,
you-you got to come
over to the store right away.
- What's the trouble?
- Them drovers, that's what.
Drunk, staggering
around, breaking things.
Matt, I'll, uh,
take care of this.
Uh, sir, you just
give me the bill,
I'll be glad to pay
for everything.
You got to do
something, Marshal.
Man can't have 'em crashing
around his place of business.
Well, I'll tell you, Mr. Titus, I
can put your place off limits,
if you want to.
Well...
if they come in to buy,
that's all right, but...
Uh-huh. In other words,
you want their business,
but you, uh, want 'em
to hand over their money
nice and quiet, huh?
You got to make 'em
behave themselves,
Marshal, that's all.
Well, I'll tell you, Mr. Titus,
I'm afraid it's not that easy.
These men have been
out on a long trail drive,
and they're in town
to have some fun.
I don't blame 'em.
Now, you're either gonna
have to go along with 'em
or else I'll just keep 'em away
from your place altogether.
Well, tomorrow...
They ought to be
sobered up tomorrow.
I'll just have to close
down for tonight.
I don't mind a man
having himself a good time.
It's just...
Not right to keep 'em out
altogether, I don't suppose.
Good night. Good night.
(men whooping)
♪ Buffalo gals, won't
you come out tonight ♪
♪ Come out
tonight, come out... ♪
(whoops)
♪ Sit by my side ♪
♪ If you love me ♪
♪ Do not hasten ♪
♪ To bid me adieu ♪
♪ Just remember ♪
♪ The Red River Valley ♪
♪ And the cowboy ♪
♪ Who loved you ♪
♪ So true ♪
(in distance): ♪
From this valley ♪
♪ They say you are leaving... ♪
Come on, come on.
Get it and get out of there.
- Oh...
- Oh!
(laughter)
- Come on, boy.
- It's dark. I can't see.
That's it.
Hey, let's go. On the table.
I got it! (whooping)
For the prettiest little
gal in the Long Branch.
(whooping)
Come on, let's get out of here!
What's going on there?
- Come on, Chick!
- Put your hands up, there!
(gunshot)
- (grunts)
- Ooh! Ooh, boy!
- Oh, my arm, my arm.
- What...?
You just stay right there, now.
Just hold on, mister.
You crazy or something?
We don't have no guns.
Give me that, here, Mr. Titus.
What in the tarnation you doing?
(indistinct chatter)
Marshal, they
broke into my store.
- We didn't break into no place.
- Virg, he shot Chick down
- in cold blood.
- Shut up, you two.
He killed Chick, Marshal...
Shot him down like a dog.
Did you break into his store?
Marshal, I was asleep.
They broke my front window
and near scared
me out of my mind.
Well, he's a liar.
He shot poor Chick.
He didn't mean no hurt.
Chick didn't even
have no gun, Marshal.
Look, they broke into my store.
He fell through the
window, Marshal.
Chick wanted that pretty
red bonnet for his gal.
And we didn't mean no harm.
Doc, how bad is he?
It's not too bad, Matt.
I want to see him
up in the office.
I didn't mean to shoot nobody.
All right, get him up.
- (laughing)
- Come on here, old...
- Come on, you.
- Hey, pretty!
Ain't that the prettiest
little red bonnet
you've ever seen?
Falling through
a store window...
You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
Come on.
Wait, hold on. I want
to talk to you two here.
Lucky, Houndog, you take
him over to the doc's office.
Come on, Lucky.
Festus, take those two over
and lock 'em up for the night.
- All right. Come on.
- We didn't do anything, Marshal.
- He fell... -Never mind.
- There's a couple of them
crazy cowboys over at
Boss Billiards trading punches
like Sunday'll never come.
I tried to stop 'em, but
they just kept on trading.
They're crazy, I tell you.
You know what, Marshal?
They ain't even mad.
All right.
♪♪
Hey, Virg.
Yeah?
It just don't seem right.
I mean, Shep and
Bert didn't do nothing.
Well, it won't hurt 'em
none to sleep it off in jail.
Now, before this
night's over, I just might
have you all locked up.
Come on, boys, let's get back.
And behave yourselves.
(Shep and Bert
chattering indistinctly)
FESTUS: Never mind, never mind.
- Just go on in, just go in.
- All right, take it easy,
- take it easy.
- Come on.
Now, do we look like
a couple of gentlemen
that belong in
a place like this?
Wait a minute, I don't
want to go in here.
- Just get in there.
- (chattering)
You flabberjaws just hush
up and go to sleep now.
Tell you this, Thad,
we ain't gonna get
- a lick of sleep tonight.
- That's what it looks like.
CRADDOCK: Hey, pretty boy.
How many lawmen
you got in this town?
You got more silver stars
than you got people, right?
Whoa!
Now, you just hush up
or I'll get on you
like stink on a skunk,
and I mean it.
Okay, pretty boy.
Don't "pretty boy" me. (scoffs)
(laughs)
(Shep and Bert continue
chattering indistinctly)
Honking and a-bellowing
and a-hoo-hawing around.
I'll just... Thad?
No, thanks, Festus.
Yeah, no, thanks.
I'd have had me a cup of coffee
if you hadn't have went
and let the pot go dry.
I mean, golly Bill, Thad,
a man's got to have...
Thad, Festus, Marshal
Dillon asked me to spell you.
Well, thank you, that's...
- Thank you very much.
- All I'm asking for
is a little cup of coffee.
Of all the times that I
have came to this jailhouse,
this is the first time I have
ever saw this pot go dry.
- Festus?
- Imagine a feller
just settin' here letting
the pot dry up like that.
Why, all anybody needs
is a tin of coffee grounds,
a squirt of water
and a little dab of...
I don't know what the young'uns
is coming to these days.
- Poor old Bert.
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Bet it's drier than a bone
over in that there prison.
Poor old Bert. Poor old Shep.
- Hey, poor old Chick, too.
- Yeah, that's right.
You know... know, we
ought to do something for 'em.
Now, you... now, old
Bert, he'd do it for us, right?
Yeah. -That's right.
Sure. -They'll be all right.
They're gonna let
'em out tomorrow.
Tomorrow? Yeah,
well, what about tonight?
Yeah. -Yeah.
All I mean... All
we ought to do...
all I mean is we ought to
take 'em a bucket of beer.
- That's all I mean.
- Yeah. -Yeah. -Right, right.
- That's a fact.
- Shh.
Now, listen, listen,
we'll-we'll do it ourselves.
- Right.
- Now, there ain't... there ain't no reason
- to get the marshal and Virg all riled up.
- That's right.
- Right. -Right.
- Barkeep.
Barkeep, bring us
a bucket of beer.
Many buckets. Many buckets.
(laughing)
Here... here we go, put her
in there, put her right in there.
♪ But remember ♪
♪ The Red River Valley ♪
♪ And the cowboy
who loved you so true. ♪
(men singing
indistinctly in distance)
(singing grows closer)
(men singing, whooping)
Hold up now, here,
just hold up now.
We've got some
beer for poor old Bert
- and poor old Shep.
- You can't take 'em any beer.
- They've had enough already.
- (whooping, chattering)
Oh, but they... we-we're
their buddies, right?
Set it right here. Set
it down right here.
I'll take it in to
'em after a while.
MEN: Oh, no.
(whooping)
(indistinct,
overlapping chatter)
Hello, boys!
Hey, now.
Now, you fellas
just gonna have to...
Now, you just cut
out that shouting...
Oh!
(indistinct, overlapping
chatter continues)
(whoops)
Hey, get us out of here!
Come hold this door.
- Come on out of there!
- (laughing)
I bet you's thought we
weren't a-coming to get you.
Yeah, well, I'm gonna
kiss me the prettiest little gal
- at the Long Branch.
- (whooping, hollering)
Shh, shh, wait a minute,
wait a... wait a minute, shh.
Now... now, I hear... I
hear that south of town
they got some real
women down there.
- They do! -Hey, real women!
- (whooping)
And I hear they're waiting
for some real men to come by.
- Well, that's me!
- (whooping, hollering)
Wait a minute, now.
Then let's go have us a look.
(whooping, hollering)
Come on, come on,
move it on out of here.
Come on, boys,
don't stop in here.
♪♪
Ross. Ross.
Open up. Good boy.
Come on, come on,
come on. Come on, old...
Now, look, Craddock,
I got the horses.
- How far to that money?
- You'll see.
Look, I want that
money, Craddock.
You'll get it. Two days.
Look, Craddock...
- What are you doing now?
- I'm after Dillon.
Look... Are you crazy?
You think I went
through all this
just so you could
go after Dillon?
Listen!
You want the money,
you stay with me.
Or else you can whistle on out.
Talk about too much talkin'.
- All right, where is he?
- Anybody seen Ross?
I'll bet them ladies is
at the north end of town.
(indistinct,
overlapping chatter)
There ain't nothing at the south
end of town but a bunch of...
Matt. Bert, Shep, come here.
How'd you men get out of jail?
- I-I don't know, Marshal.
- We're just looking for Ross.
Festus, keep an
eye on those two.
Come on. Come on.
- Come on.
- Whoa, whoa.
♪ Buffalo gals, won't
you come out tonight... ♪
There he is.
(man whooping)
Dillon!
♪♪
Hold it.
Hyah!
(gunfire continues)
Get Doc Adams quick.
Easy, now. Virg.
Who was it? Who was it?
Now, you just rest back easy.
Doc Adams is gonna
be here in a minute.
Who was it? Who let 'em out?
It was Ross.
C.K.?
My boys are good boys.
Matt...
I'm dying.
(men whooping and
hollering in distance)
(whooping and
hollering grow closer)
(whooping and hollering stop)
He's dead, ain't he, Marshal?
Yeah.
We... we didn't mean
nothing by it, Marshal.
We was... just funnin'.
We didn't mean nothing.
We just let our
buddies out of jail.
That's right.
He ain't dead.
You just can't kill old Virg.
♪♪
♪♪
ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned for
scenes from next week's Gunsmoke.
(both guns fire)
ANNOUNCER: starring
James Arness as Matt Dillon.
♪♪
(gunshot echoing)
Let's go.
♪♪
There it is.
Come on.
(sighing)
Before I hang, I'm
going to see you dead.
For killing my brother Billy.
Don't count on it, Craddock.
Let's go.
That way.
♪♪
(theme music playing)
♪♪
(canteen clatters on ground)
(groaning softly)
It don't matter now, Marshal.
(chuckling)
No, sir.
(breathing heavily)
It don't matter no more.
(groans)
That bad water...
is going to do what
me and Billy couldn't.
We bought...
two tickets.
(wheezing chuckle)
Y-You hear me, Dillon?
You're dead.
(men hollering and
whistling in distance)
(hoofbeats approaching)
(men whistling, hollering)
(cows mooing, men
continue hollering)
Whoa.
Marshal?
Got your insides cleaned out.
Got you looking a bit better.
(sighs)
I don't know how I could...
feel much worse
and still be alive.
Well, you ain't out of
the woods yet, Marshal.
Open up your mouth again.
(groans) What is that stuff?
This is chocolate milk.
That other was mustard and salt.
That's what made you sick.
You got to buck up, Marshal.
That's the kind of cooking we've
had all the way up from Texas.
(chuckling)
You look like you're
starving, don't you?
We got to get all of this
we can down you, Marshal.
We got rid of some
of that there poison.
That's a little lick dab,
gonna straighten you right out.
What about that other fella?
Well, we saw the irons on him.
We figured he was
a pretty bad one.
He still alive?
He's over there
moaning and groaning.
Oh, we ain't fooled with him.
We wasn't sure we'd
get you to come around.
Well, I...
I'd sure appreciate it if you'd
get some of that down him.
What?
Oh, sure.
Here, Cook'd give it a try here.
Houndog, Chick.
COOK: All right, Chick.
Come on over
here, boys, we got...
to get this guy in here.
We got to get him
to upchuck in here.
Come here.
Let's have that stuff.
I'm Virgil Powell,
Tarrant County, Texas.
Cross R. Ranch.
Oh, howdy.
Matt Dillon's my name,
out of Dodge City.
Dodge City?
- Yeah.
- Wow.
I guess that's probably where
you fellas are headed, isn't it?
- That's right.
- Yeah.
(Dillon groans)
Well, you ought to be
the first bunch in there.
You-you ought to get a
pretty good price for your beef.
I hope so. My boys
have been through a lot.
They could sure use
some... some bonus money.
Now, we took an awful
chance starting out...
COOK: Houndog, get over here.
Here, here, open his mouth up.
I'll make him upchuck.
Up! There he goes.
- Spin his head around again.
- (Craddock retching)
COOK: Here! One more time.
Come on, come on.
Starting out early like we done,
they sure deserve
to have it pay off.
Maybe I better
have a look at him.
No, no, Marshal, we'll
take care of your prisoner.
Now, you just lay back there
and you do as you're told.
There's only room for
one boss on this trail,
and you're looking at him.
Hey, hey, Chick?
He gonna live?
Beats me.
I don't see how either one
of them's made it this far.
Yeah, well, most wouldn't.
I ain't taking no bets
on the likes of them two.
No, sir, I'm with you.
Hey, Bert, give me
a plate, will you?
BERT: Yeah, coming up.
(men chuckling)
(men hollering, whistling)
(harmonica and jaw harp playing)
(harmonica and jaw
harp continue playing)
Oh, I declare, Matt,
if you ain't the
stubbornest man.
(chuckles) Stubborn?
I've been riding that
chuck wagon for three days.
You figure you're
ready to set a horse?
To get Craddock there
back to Dodge all by yourself?
I figure I'm gonna get back
there a whole lot quicker
than you fellas are gonna get
in with those cows, you know.
What's your hurry?
Don't you enjoy our company?
Oh, sure.
I think there's some mighty
fine boys on this drive.
I just think they got kind
of a hard-nosed trail boss.
(chuckles)
Well, Matt, I'll tell you what,
tomorrow, you get a horse.
You cost us some time, though,
and I figure that you owe
me about one good day's work
before you ride out of here.
You do, huh?
That's fact.
We'll just see how
much ginger you got
before we turn you loose.
All right, you're on.
It's your move.
Right there.
Mm-hmm.
(harmonica and jaw harp
playing "Camptown Races")
How's it going, Houndog?
I liked him better when
he was too sick to talk.
Watching a rattlesnake.
Spitting, fussing all the time.
Well, why don't you get
yourself a cup of coffee.
I'll sit with him for a spell.
Much obliged, partner.
Oh, make sure you get
yourself back in there a bit.
I got some gear to patch
up before we turn in.
I don't know if I
can be all that quick.
What do you mean?
I got a lot of fresh air
breathing to catch up on.
(both laugh)
Get me a cup, Bert, will you?
Been three, four years, Carl.
Looks like your luck's
just about run out.
Not yet, it ain't.
You been with this
bunch all the time?
Mm-hmm.
All the way from Texas.
I been keeping out of
your sight till I was sure
you knowed what you was doing.
I didn't want you yelling out
nothing wrong by mistake.
My name is Ross now.
C.K. Ross.
Okay... Ross.
When do you get me out of here?
With the marshal and all these
cowboys stomping around here?
That ain't very likely.
Maybe that marshal doesn't
know who C.K. Ross really is, hmm?
Oh, no.
No, I don't think so.
You know those, uh, three
years you didn't see me?
Me and the state of
Texas is all squared up.
Me and Billy got
$6,000 from the railroad.
When Dillon got close,
we stuck it away
in a safe place.
Now half it's yours.
And I can take you there.
Half?
What about Billy?
Dillon killed him.
I'll see him dead for
that, no matter what.
Killing him ain't no
part of the $3,000.
You just get me
loose, no matter how.
That's all you got
to do, Mr. Ross.
That money's yours.
I'll take care of Dillon.
Hey, Bert, how
about a fresh one?
You want some more?
(cowboys hollering
and whistling)
♪♪
Well, I don't know if I'm
going to let you go or not, Matt.
You think I might
develop into a fair drover?
Oh, maybe after
three or four trips.
(both chuckle)
You still feeling as
feisty as you was?
Oh, I'm still in the saddle.
That's about the best I can say.
(Virgil laughs)
Well, it's getting
close on to suppertime.
Let's get back to the herd.
Good.
(hollering and
whistling continue)
(indistinct,
overlapping chatter)
(overlapping chatter continues)
How's the prisoner?
Hmm, he ain't
changed none, Marshal,
if that's what you mean.
Still nastier than
a bear's breath.
Well, I'll be taking him off
your hands in the morning.
CRADDOCK: Hey, Dillon.
Long way yet 'tween
here and Dodge.
Yeah.
If I get any trouble out of you,
you'll be going in belly
down over a saddle.
How's the grub?
Ain't bad.
(overlapping chatter continues)
You like that stuff, don't you?
Marshal, would you
like a little of this here?
Yes, sir.
Okay, Marshal, it's
pretty good stuff here.
What about another
shot of that salt water?
(cackling)
(overlapping chatter continues)
(crickets chirping)
- Hey, Bert.
- Mm-hmm?
Bring me a cup
of coffee, will you?
COOK: You heard the man,
Bert. Get him some coffee.
BERT: I'll get it. I'll get it.
How about spelling
me for a while?
Well, fine.
If you want to wash
the dishes for me,
scrub the pots, go on
out and fetch some water,
chop a little wood
for breakfast,
and peel a bunch of
potatoes for about 25...
Never mind, never mind.
Yeah, never mind.
Well, let me tell you something.
There's going to be ice in Hades
the next time I hook up on
one of these cattle drives.
- Bert?
- What?
Take my plate back
for me, will you?
Uh, Bert?
What?
Thanks a lot.
(chuckles)
(dishes clattering)
Matt, you ever feel like
turning in that badge of yours,
I think you could make
a right good ramrod.
(Dillon chuckles)
Well, thanks, Virgil.
I think the work's
too hard around here.
I figured I was gonna miss
grub altogether out there
chasing those strays.
- That's what I'm talking about.
- (both chuckle)
You, uh, watch out
for yourself tomorrow.
Oh, I'm fine now, thanks
to you and your boys.
I get an early start
in the morning,
I might make Dodge
tomorrow night.
Yeah, well, you know, we'd
be obliged for your company
the rest of the trip,
now, you know that.
I'd like nothing better myself.
Shep, Lucky, this wind's
going to change directly.
You better get out
and start singing to 'em.
Yes, boss.
All righty, Virg.
Matt...
I can let you have Houndog.
You're short-handed as it is.
No, no, it makes good sense.
Why don't you take him
along? He's a good man.
Well, thanks, Virgil,
but I'll handle it alone.
With you two, it
ain't just like a...
lawman and a prisoner.
I ain't never seen
nobody like this Craddock.
When he was dying... you
know, from that poison water?
Yeah.
All he thought
about was killing you.
Yeah, I know it.
See, Virg, that's, uh...
that's why I want
to do it alone.
No point in getting
somebody else hurt.
It's a long ride tomorrow.
Oh, Cook, can you
get me some coffee?
I hear you talking, boss.
Matt, how about a
last game of checkers?
- By golly, sounds good.
- (Virgil chuckles)
Hey, Ross, take a couple of
boys and go out to the spring,
get us some fresh water.
- Come on, Chick, give me a hand.
- All right.
Yeah, I'll just set
her up right out here.
Houndog, we got to
get the water skins.
- CHICK: I got it.
- ROSS: I'll get them now.
CHICK: Oh, all right.
C.K., hold on.
- Oh, yeah.
- Whew.
Boy, it'd be good to
have a bath in a tub
instead of that water
bag, huh, Houndog?
Ooh man, come
Dodge, we'll have it.
We're pulling out tomorrow.
You don't need
$3,000 no more, huh?
It's tempting, no denying that.
He gets a rope around
my neck, that money rots.
Look, um,
it's going to be a time
before they hang you.
We're gonna follow you
to Dodge in a few days.
Maybe I can fix
something to happen then.
$3,000, Ross.
It's a lot of money.
Hey, you know, a fella told
me there's a place in Dodge
with a lot of pretty girls,
they'll sit down and
talk to a cowboy.
They'll do what?
Talk to a cowboy.
Hey, Ross, hurry
up with those bags.
Here you are, Chick.
There we go.
- Oh, he's a raunch, ain't he?
- (chuckling): Yeah.
Ross, wait till you
hear what's in Dodge.
What?
Houndog says there's
a place in Dodge
where a woman will sit down
and actually talk to a man.
(Chick and Ross laugh)
Hey, go on, get out of here.
Get, get!
That's what the man said.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
DILLON: Get up there.
DOC: You know,
you're pretty lucky, Matt.
This could have been
an awful lot worse.
I'm going to have to take
those stitches out in a few days,
and you're not gonna like
that much, I'll tell you that.
Oh, I believe that all right,
after the way you put 'em in.
Now, I'll tell you, though,
nothing could hurt me any worse
than that cow
outfit did out there.
You didn't finish
telling me about that.
What was it they give you?
Oh, chalk and
milk, salt, mustard,
anything else
they could think of.
They sure hit on all
the right things, all right.
No finer emetic than
mustard and warm water,
and then following it
with chalk and milk,
that was just fine.
Yeah, I want you to meet 'em
when they get to town, Doc.
Yeah, I'd like to,
especially that fella Virgil.
Anybody who can get you to
punch cows for a couple of days,
I'd like to shake his hand.
(chuckles)
I figured you'd have
something to say about that.
FESTUS: Doc?
I was just fixing
to go over to...
Well, that's just pure
oldie amazing, ain't it, Doc?
DOC: What's the matter with you?
How much this here feller
looks like old Matthew.
Say, feller, did
anybody ever tell you
that you got a great
family resemblance
to the marshal of our town?
I've had one or two
tell me that, yeah.
Ain't you noticed that, Doc?
Yeah.
Were you born in a barn?
Matthew, I ain't
saw no prettier sight
since my Aunt Tanzy's
fourth husband, Uncle Lutey,
come home after ten years
of being stolt by a band
of Picky Bar River pirates,
and I mean that.
(chuckles)
Festus, I'll tell you,
it's good to be back.
You'd ought to have waited
till I could have went with you.
I come in just the same
time as you left town.
Well, I know it. I
wish I could have,
but soon as I got word
from Leavenworth,
you know, I had to get right
out there to that Craddock.
Now, uh, what was all
this you were talking about?
These pirates and
your Uncle Lutey or...
- something like that?
- Oh, yeah.
Well, Uncle Lutey
had hisself a little farm
right down on the banks
of the Picky Bar River.
And he had hisself
a little pen of shoats.
And what he was doing,
see, he took some slop down,
and he was just pouring
this slop in the trough
for these here shoats and...
Oh, for heaven's sake.
♪ Oh, Susanna... ♪
(cowboys yelling and cheering)
♪ I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee ♪
♪ Goin' to Louisiana,
my true love for to see ♪
♪ I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee ♪
♪ Oh, Susanna ♪
♪ Oh, don't you cry for me ♪
♪ I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee ♪
♪ The sun so hot
I froze to death ♪
♪ Susanna, don't you cry ♪
Yee-haw! Yee-haw!
♪ Oh, Susanna ♪
♪ Oh, don't you cry for me ♪
♪ I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee ♪
♪ It rained so
hard the day I left ♪
♪ The weather it was dry ♪
♪ The sun so hot
I froze to death ♪
♪ Susanna, don't you cry ♪
♪ Oh, Susanna ♪
♪ Oh, don't you cry for me ♪
♪ I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee ♪
Yee-haw!
Yeah!
♪ I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee ♪
♪ Oh, Susanna, oh,
don't you cry for me ♪
♪ Goin' to Louisiana,
my true love for to see ♪
(cheering and whistling)
♪ Oh, Susanna, oh,
don't you cry for me ♪
♪ I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee... ♪
Yahoo!
Yee-haw!
Oh, that ought to hold
them sage brushes
till the middle of next winter.
You know, Festus, I haven't seen
anything like
that in a long time.
My foot, you haven't
never saw nothing like that!
Well, I don't want
to see any more of it,
with your spurs flailing
around out there like that.
You could kill people!
I haven't never hurt nobody yet.
That's mine.
All right, you
stingy old scudder.
- Get your own.
- I will.
- Beer.
- Golly, Matt.
FESTUS: Much obliged.
You know, it's a good thing
Kitty's not here to see this.
This place will likely be a
shambles in the morning.
Well, I held out half
pay on my boys, Doc.
See, Matt and I
are gonna tally up
all the damages all over
town, then I'll just settle up.
Well, that sounds fair
enough to me, don't it, Matt?
Well, it does, except they're
all liable to go home broke.
Well, they always have.
♪ I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee ♪
(in distance): ♪
Oh, Susanna... ♪
Hey!
Hey, pretty boy!
Deputy!
- THAD: All right.
- (door opens and closes)
What is it now?
Ain't had no food.
I'm sick.
You'll get your supper.
We drunk bad water.
The marshal told you that.
I ain't seen a doc.
My belly's on fire.
Well, the marshal will bring
your supper over pretty soon.
(in distance): ♪
Don't you cry for me ♪
♪ I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee ♪
♪ It rained so
hard the day I left ♪
♪ The weather it was dry ♪
♪ The sun so hot
I froze to death ♪
♪ Susanna, don't you cry ♪
♪ Oh, Susanna, oh,
don't you cry for me... ♪
Here.
(slurps, then gulps)
I could use another one.
♪ It rained so
hard the day I left ♪
♪ The weather it was dry ♪
♪ The sun so hot
I froze to death ♪
♪ Susanna, don't you cry ♪
♪ Oh, Susanna, oh,
don't you cry for me ♪
♪ I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee... ♪
(grunting)
(grunting)
- Keys.
- (stammers)
You're going to die, Deputy,
if I don't get those keys.
No!
Come on, boy.
(gasping)
Reach your foot
out. Give me the gun!
- No! No!
- Give me the gun!
They can only hang me once, boy.
I'll kill you, kid.
Right now, right now!
They can only hang me once, kid.
You're gonna die, boy.
Oh!
Oh!
Come on.
I'll kill you.
I'm gonna kill you, Dillon.
You better use
that gun right now.
I don't have to, mister.
You got a rope waiting for you.
Yeah? Well, you'll be
dead before Sunday, Dillon.
You'll be dead!
Kill me now! (spits)
(whooping, yelling)
(guns firing repeatedly)
Now, the marshal ain't
got time for this foolishness.
Virg, I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to take their guns.
Well, I was hoping you
wouldn't have to do that, Marshal.
The boys being a
long sight from Texas,
being stripped of their guns,
they ain't gonna
feel just right.
Well, I can understand that,
but I'm not gonna feel right
till I get rid of that hardware.
Well, you sure
got a point there.
I'll try and quiet
them down for you.
Hey! (whistles)
Quiet down!
(whooping and hollering stop)
Now... now, listen to me, you.
The marshal has an
announcement he wants to make.
Now, boys, I want you
all to have a good time,
but I don't want
anybody getting hurt.
I want to collect the guns.
- No way! -Now, listen here...
- (all clamoring)
I'm leading off!
Marshal, here's my gun.
I want you boys to do likewise.
- Ed, Cook, - (men protesting)
you get over here
and get them guns.
Come on, Virg.
(indistinct,
overlapping chatter)
We weren't harming nobody.
All right, boys.
Take 'em on over to the office.
Over in the office. This way.
- Go ahead.
- Right, Ed.
Well... thanks a lot, Virg.
Well, I wasn't figuring on
shooting nobody myself no ways.
(both laughing)
- Well, it quieted down, anyway.
- Yeah.
Oh, Marshal, Marshal,
you-you got to come
over to the store right away.
- What's the trouble?
- Them drovers, that's what.
Drunk, staggering
around, breaking things.
Matt, I'll, uh,
take care of this.
Uh, sir, you just
give me the bill,
I'll be glad to pay
for everything.
You got to do
something, Marshal.
Man can't have 'em crashing
around his place of business.
Well, I'll tell you, Mr. Titus, I
can put your place off limits,
if you want to.
Well...
if they come in to buy,
that's all right, but...
Uh-huh. In other words,
you want their business,
but you, uh, want 'em
to hand over their money
nice and quiet, huh?
You got to make 'em
behave themselves,
Marshal, that's all.
Well, I'll tell you, Mr. Titus,
I'm afraid it's not that easy.
These men have been
out on a long trail drive,
and they're in town
to have some fun.
I don't blame 'em.
Now, you're either gonna
have to go along with 'em
or else I'll just keep 'em away
from your place altogether.
Well, tomorrow...
They ought to be
sobered up tomorrow.
I'll just have to close
down for tonight.
I don't mind a man
having himself a good time.
It's just...
Not right to keep 'em out
altogether, I don't suppose.
Good night. Good night.
(men whooping)
♪ Buffalo gals, won't
you come out tonight ♪
♪ Come out
tonight, come out... ♪
(whoops)
♪ Sit by my side ♪
♪ If you love me ♪
♪ Do not hasten ♪
♪ To bid me adieu ♪
♪ Just remember ♪
♪ The Red River Valley ♪
♪ And the cowboy ♪
♪ Who loved you ♪
♪ So true ♪
(in distance): ♪
From this valley ♪
♪ They say you are leaving... ♪
Come on, come on.
Get it and get out of there.
- Oh...
- Oh!
(laughter)
- Come on, boy.
- It's dark. I can't see.
That's it.
Hey, let's go. On the table.
I got it! (whooping)
For the prettiest little
gal in the Long Branch.
(whooping)
Come on, let's get out of here!
What's going on there?
- Come on, Chick!
- Put your hands up, there!
(gunshot)
- (grunts)
- Ooh! Ooh, boy!
- Oh, my arm, my arm.
- What...?
You just stay right there, now.
Just hold on, mister.
You crazy or something?
We don't have no guns.
Give me that, here, Mr. Titus.
What in the tarnation you doing?
(indistinct chatter)
Marshal, they
broke into my store.
- We didn't break into no place.
- Virg, he shot Chick down
- in cold blood.
- Shut up, you two.
He killed Chick, Marshal...
Shot him down like a dog.
Did you break into his store?
Marshal, I was asleep.
They broke my front window
and near scared
me out of my mind.
Well, he's a liar.
He shot poor Chick.
He didn't mean no hurt.
Chick didn't even
have no gun, Marshal.
Look, they broke into my store.
He fell through the
window, Marshal.
Chick wanted that pretty
red bonnet for his gal.
And we didn't mean no harm.
Doc, how bad is he?
It's not too bad, Matt.
I want to see him
up in the office.
I didn't mean to shoot nobody.
All right, get him up.
- (laughing)
- Come on here, old...
- Come on, you.
- Hey, pretty!
Ain't that the prettiest
little red bonnet
you've ever seen?
Falling through
a store window...
You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
Come on.
Wait, hold on. I want
to talk to you two here.
Lucky, Houndog, you take
him over to the doc's office.
Come on, Lucky.
Festus, take those two over
and lock 'em up for the night.
- All right. Come on.
- We didn't do anything, Marshal.
- He fell... -Never mind.
- There's a couple of them
crazy cowboys over at
Boss Billiards trading punches
like Sunday'll never come.
I tried to stop 'em, but
they just kept on trading.
They're crazy, I tell you.
You know what, Marshal?
They ain't even mad.
All right.
♪♪
Hey, Virg.
Yeah?
It just don't seem right.
I mean, Shep and
Bert didn't do nothing.
Well, it won't hurt 'em
none to sleep it off in jail.
Now, before this
night's over, I just might
have you all locked up.
Come on, boys, let's get back.
And behave yourselves.
(Shep and Bert
chattering indistinctly)
FESTUS: Never mind, never mind.
- Just go on in, just go in.
- All right, take it easy,
- take it easy.
- Come on.
Now, do we look like
a couple of gentlemen
that belong in
a place like this?
Wait a minute, I don't
want to go in here.
- Just get in there.
- (chattering)
You flabberjaws just hush
up and go to sleep now.
Tell you this, Thad,
we ain't gonna get
- a lick of sleep tonight.
- That's what it looks like.
CRADDOCK: Hey, pretty boy.
How many lawmen
you got in this town?
You got more silver stars
than you got people, right?
Whoa!
Now, you just hush up
or I'll get on you
like stink on a skunk,
and I mean it.
Okay, pretty boy.
Don't "pretty boy" me. (scoffs)
(laughs)
(Shep and Bert continue
chattering indistinctly)
Honking and a-bellowing
and a-hoo-hawing around.
I'll just... Thad?
No, thanks, Festus.
Yeah, no, thanks.
I'd have had me a cup of coffee
if you hadn't have went
and let the pot go dry.
I mean, golly Bill, Thad,
a man's got to have...
Thad, Festus, Marshal
Dillon asked me to spell you.
Well, thank you, that's...
- Thank you very much.
- All I'm asking for
is a little cup of coffee.
Of all the times that I
have came to this jailhouse,
this is the first time I have
ever saw this pot go dry.
- Festus?
- Imagine a feller
just settin' here letting
the pot dry up like that.
Why, all anybody needs
is a tin of coffee grounds,
a squirt of water
and a little dab of...
I don't know what the young'uns
is coming to these days.
- Poor old Bert.
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Bet it's drier than a bone
over in that there prison.
Poor old Bert. Poor old Shep.
- Hey, poor old Chick, too.
- Yeah, that's right.
You know... know, we
ought to do something for 'em.
Now, you... now, old
Bert, he'd do it for us, right?
Yeah. -That's right.
Sure. -They'll be all right.
They're gonna let
'em out tomorrow.
Tomorrow? Yeah,
well, what about tonight?
Yeah. -Yeah.
All I mean... All
we ought to do...
all I mean is we ought to
take 'em a bucket of beer.
- That's all I mean.
- Yeah. -Yeah. -Right, right.
- That's a fact.
- Shh.
Now, listen, listen,
we'll-we'll do it ourselves.
- Right.
- Now, there ain't... there ain't no reason
- to get the marshal and Virg all riled up.
- That's right.
- Right. -Right.
- Barkeep.
Barkeep, bring us
a bucket of beer.
Many buckets. Many buckets.
(laughing)
Here... here we go, put her
in there, put her right in there.
♪ But remember ♪
♪ The Red River Valley ♪
♪ And the cowboy
who loved you so true. ♪
(men singing
indistinctly in distance)
(singing grows closer)
(men singing, whooping)
Hold up now, here,
just hold up now.
We've got some
beer for poor old Bert
- and poor old Shep.
- You can't take 'em any beer.
- They've had enough already.
- (whooping, chattering)
Oh, but they... we-we're
their buddies, right?
Set it right here. Set
it down right here.
I'll take it in to
'em after a while.
MEN: Oh, no.
(whooping)
(indistinct,
overlapping chatter)
Hello, boys!
Hey, now.
Now, you fellas
just gonna have to...
Now, you just cut
out that shouting...
Oh!
(indistinct, overlapping
chatter continues)
(whoops)
Hey, get us out of here!
Come hold this door.
- Come on out of there!
- (laughing)
I bet you's thought we
weren't a-coming to get you.
Yeah, well, I'm gonna
kiss me the prettiest little gal
- at the Long Branch.
- (whooping, hollering)
Shh, shh, wait a minute,
wait a... wait a minute, shh.
Now... now, I hear... I
hear that south of town
they got some real
women down there.
- They do! -Hey, real women!
- (whooping)
And I hear they're waiting
for some real men to come by.
- Well, that's me!
- (whooping, hollering)
Wait a minute, now.
Then let's go have us a look.
(whooping, hollering)
Come on, come on,
move it on out of here.
Come on, boys,
don't stop in here.
♪♪
Ross. Ross.
Open up. Good boy.
Come on, come on,
come on. Come on, old...
Now, look, Craddock,
I got the horses.
- How far to that money?
- You'll see.
Look, I want that
money, Craddock.
You'll get it. Two days.
Look, Craddock...
- What are you doing now?
- I'm after Dillon.
Look... Are you crazy?
You think I went
through all this
just so you could
go after Dillon?
Listen!
You want the money,
you stay with me.
Or else you can whistle on out.
Talk about too much talkin'.
- All right, where is he?
- Anybody seen Ross?
I'll bet them ladies is
at the north end of town.
(indistinct,
overlapping chatter)
There ain't nothing at the south
end of town but a bunch of...
Matt. Bert, Shep, come here.
How'd you men get out of jail?
- I-I don't know, Marshal.
- We're just looking for Ross.
Festus, keep an
eye on those two.
Come on. Come on.
- Come on.
- Whoa, whoa.
♪ Buffalo gals, won't
you come out tonight... ♪
There he is.
(man whooping)
Dillon!
♪♪
Hold it.
Hyah!
(gunfire continues)
Get Doc Adams quick.
Easy, now. Virg.
Who was it? Who was it?
Now, you just rest back easy.
Doc Adams is gonna
be here in a minute.
Who was it? Who let 'em out?
It was Ross.
C.K.?
My boys are good boys.
Matt...
I'm dying.
(men whooping and
hollering in distance)
(whooping and
hollering grow closer)
(whooping and hollering stop)
He's dead, ain't he, Marshal?
Yeah.
We... we didn't mean
nothing by it, Marshal.
We was... just funnin'.
We didn't mean nothing.
We just let our
buddies out of jail.
That's right.
He ain't dead.
You just can't kill old Virg.
♪♪
♪♪
ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned for
scenes from next week's Gunsmoke.