Gunsmoke (1955–1975): Season 11, Episode 31 - Parson Comes to Town - full transcript

A mysterious man rides into town and says he is after one of two men responsible for killing his brother. When he starts crowding a stranger in town, Matt must decide how to make sure he doesn't take the law into his own hands.

Starring James
Arness as Matt Dillon.

There we are!

We did it, folks! We did it!

We did it. Thanks.
And there it is!

Congratulations, everybody.

Congratulations. We did it, huh?

Great job. Thank you.

I thank you very much.

Bye-bye. Bye, folks.

See you next Sunday.

Thanks again, everybody.

Thanks again.

Bye-bye there.

Yeah, bye, now. Bye.

Thanks again.




The money.

- I'll get a doctor.
- It's too late.

He's dead.


Good afternoon, friend.

Howdy, Parson.

- Afternoon.
- Uh, afternoon, Reverend.

Young man, would
you be good enough

to hold this for me, please?

- Sure, mister.
- Thank you.

I mean... Parson.

Are you, uh, aiming to hold
a gospel meeting, Reverend?

Some folks in Dodge could
sure use a little straight talk.

Ma'am, I deeply regret
I must disappoint you,

but my mission here is not
concerned with eternal life.

Quite the opposite.

Young man, would you be
kind enough to stable my horse

after I'm finished here?

Yes, sir, Parson.

Well, good afternoon, Reverend.

- Good afternoon.
- Would you like a room?

I would, indeed.

I've come a long, weary way.

But I think I'm at the
end of my journey now.

Oh, well, uh, just sign
the register, please.

Just Asa?

That's all I'm ever called.

It's, uh, room four upstairs.

- It's one of our better rooms.
- Thank you.

You here in town on
business, are you, Reverend?

Well, yes, you
might call it business.

Well, now, I don't mean
to be unrespectable

or nothing like that,

but we done got us a
preacher here in town.

No preaching.

I heared Sarah Good
and old Dan Bromley's

fixing to get hitched.

Maybe you're...?

No wedding.

About all that
leaves is a funeral.

I ain't heared of
nobody dying here lately.

That awesome event
will take place shortly.

Very shortly.

Thank you.

How do you figure that's

- gonna take place?
- My friend,

will the sun blaze its path

across the heavens
tomorrow and tomorrow?

Will the blackness of the
night descend upon the plains,

and the stars shine
forth in all their glory?

This, too, will come to pass.

Can you tell me where
I can find the sheriff?

Well, we don't have
any sheriffs, Reverend,

but we got us a U.S. Marshal.

His office is up the street.

Splendid. And the doctor?

Well, the doc is
in the second story

of the general store building.


And the undertaker?

The undertaker?

He is one of the
functionaries involved,

I believe, when a man is killed.

You fixing to kill somebody,
are you, preacher?

I am not a man of violence.

I carry no weapons.

I am here only to
watch a man die.

Did you hear that, Festus?

Well, I haven't ever
saw no preacher like him.

Well, Festus, do you
think he's telling the truth?

I don't know, but
I'll tell you one thing.

Matthew and Doc ought to
know about this. Excuse me.

Afternoon, friend.

Something wrong, brother?

No. No, uh, nothing.

- All right. You! Hey, you!
- What is it?

That preacher... How
long is he staying?

Well, I don't know.
He didn't say.

When did he get here?!

- Just a few minutes ago.
- What is he here for?

Oh, I don't think
that's any of your bus...

Hey, he's come to pass judgment,

that's what, mister.

Judgment on some
of us poor souls here.

What are you talking about?

Oh, it sent the
chills skedaddling

up and down my spine,
I can tell you that, mister,

when that preacher...
stood over there.

Stood right here,

and he thundered out his message

like the voice of doom.

What message?

Somebody in this
town is gonna die.

Who's gonna die?

I don't know, mister.
He-he didn't say, but...

you could feel the truth of it.

You could purely
feel it, mister.

He's crazy.

You're all crazy.

Have you told Matt about it?

I ain't had no chance.
He ain't in town.

He's out at Herkimer's place.

Will you just move out
of the way from there?

I'm getting ready
to make this shot.

Well, do you have
to stand there? Just...

There, you see what you
went and made me do?

All right, your turn, go on.

When's he coming back?

- Who?
- Who?! Matt, that's who!

I don't know. Round
suppertime, I reckon.

Well, good heavens,
suppertime... That's two hours.

I don't think anybody is apt
to die between now and then.

Don't... don't want to get my
duodenum in an uproar over that.

A what?

Your d... Never
mind. Shoot, will you?

It probably don't
interest you none at all

to know that the three
fellas he's a-looking for

is Matthew and you and
the undertaker, does it?

Well, I'm not gonna
lose any sleep over that.

Now, shoot!

Yeah, but the undertaker, Doc!

Oh, for heaven sakes, Festus.

You don't even know
whether this reverend

is telling the truth or
not. You don't know that.

Well, now, that's a fine
thing to say about a preacher!

You don't even
know he's a preacher.

- Well, I do, too.
- How do you know that?

Well, because he's
got... He's-he's...

Well, he wear...

He carries this
book under his...

Well, I know, he
looks like a preacher.

That don't prove a thing,
because every so often,

you sort of resemble
a human being.

Now, are you gonna shoot
or forfeit this game to me?!


You going somewhere, mister?

Now, don't try anything.

This scattergun can
blow your head plumb off.

Well, I was only
going for a ride.

Yeah, sure, you was.

Only, you owe three
weeks' board on that horse,

and you ain't gonna
leave here till it's paid.

You'll get paid.

Well, if I don't, I got me
a new horse and saddle.

That horse is worth ten
times what I owe you.

I ain't gonna argue
that point with you.

He's yours soon as you pay up.

In the meantime,
drop them reins.

Drop 'em!

And kind of move on out of here.

You sure called it, preacher.

What made you think
he was gonna try to run?

Flight is the first
refuge of the guilty.

What's the second?


Matthew, you better
put that pencil down

and listen to me now.

If these here tall tales

that this preacher's
been a-blabberin' about

ain't enough to
curl a old sow's tail,

I'll throw in with you,

even if Doc does
pooh-pah the whole thing.

I never pooh-pahed anything.

I just said if a man's gonna
commit a murder, he don't...

shout it all over town.

Yeah, you're always just...

Did he say who it was
that's gonna be killed?

No, nary a word. He just...


As... Uh, Reverend Asa,

uh, this here is Marshal Dillon.

- How do you do, Marshal?
- How do you do?

- And this here's Doc Adams.
- Doctor. -How do?

I heard you wanted
to see me, Reverend.

I do, Marshal, but
you're mistaken.

I have never claimed
to be a man of the cloth.

You mean you ain't no preacher?

No, I'm not.

Well, excuse me, uh, sir,

but you seem to kind
of want to look like one.

There's nothing to prohibit a
man from wearing a frock coat

and carrying his
family Bible, I believe.

No, certainly isn't.

I understand, Reverend, that
you've been spreading the word

that a man is to be killed.

Your information
is correct, sir.

Well, now, who is it
that's gonna do the killing?

I haven't the slightest idea.

But you're quite sure
someone's gonna be killed?

Quite sure.

Where are you from?

Southern Illinois.
I'm a schoolteacher.

Well, does all the
schoolteachers in Illinois

- get duded up like... that?
- Shh.

They do not.

This coat and this

belonged to my brother in Texas.

He was the minister.


He was murdered.

You can see where
the bullets struck.

The reason I'm wearing this coat

is because my brother and I
were often mistaken for twins.

Emphasizing the
resemblance might be

somewhat disturbing
to his killers.

Then you know
who did the killing?

Two drifters were
seen entering the church

before my brother was shot.

They killed him.

Well, did anyone
actually see them

- commit the murder?
- There were no witnesses.

Well, then how can you be
sure they're the ones that did it?

I'm sure.

I have pursued them for
almost seven months now.

And you think they're
here in Dodge, do you?

One of them is.

Suppose you tell me his name
and the town where this happened.

I'm sorry. I can't.

I have no proof of his guilt.

Well, let me worry
about the proof.

If he's wanted in Texas, I
can arrest him as a suspect

and get the truth out of him.

That's a long and
uncertain road to justice.

I prefer a shortcut.

Now, you must
understand something,

in this town, we go by the law.

We don't kill a man just because
he's suspected of a crime.

Marshal, I am not
a man of violence.

I promise you I will not
lift a hand against him.

Now, I believe I have
fulfilled my moral obligation

by telling you gentlemen
what you may expect.

Good evening.

Just a minute.


You said there were two
men involved in this killing.

Where's the other one?

He was in Garden
City until last week.

Where is he now?

He's dead, Marshal.

Well, what'd I tell you?

Oh, all right.

You didn't exaggerate
once in your life.

You fixin' to throw him
in jail, are you, Matthew?

Well, I can't very
well arrest a man

for making predictions, Festus.

Don't even know if he's
telling the truth or not.

Well, I don't know about
you fellas, but I believe him.

I tell you what. Go on
over to the telegraph office,

have Herb send a wire to
the rangers down in Austin.

Have 'em find out if
they have any record

of a preacher being killed in
Texas in the past seven months.

I'll do it, Matthew.

Doc and I will be
over at Delmonico's.

Oh! Doc, order me one of
them cow waddy special plates

with a double
order of corn bread.

I'll order anything you
want, but can you pay for it?

Smart aleck.

Let's go, Matt.


Come on, Doc.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

- What's the matter?
- Oh, this happens all the time.

Now will you leave me alone?

Good evening.

Do you mind if I join you?

There's an empty
table over in the corner.

I ain't much for company.

I believe the good Lord
sent me to you, friend.

Look, I ain't your friend.

I got nothing to say to you.

Now, beat it!

As you wish.

But there'll be another time.


Did you see that,
did you, Matthew?

Yeah, I saw it.

You know, a fella could
just come to the idea

that he was one of the
fellas that killed Asa's brother.

You know anything about him?

No, I don't know
nothing about him.

He kind of stays to
hisself all the time.

Calls hisself Sipes.

Of course, he's only been
in town two or three weeks,

so I ain't had no
time to size him up.

I do know one thing
about him, though.

He rides a old Mexican
saddle with a horse

with a Texas
brand on his left hip.

Makes me think he comes
from down in the border country.

He had him a good deal
of money when he first

come to town, but I don't
think he's got none left.

H-He figures he's
quite a gambler, too, but,

shoot, I ain't saw him in
one of them poker games

at the Long Branch
for purt' near two weeks.

Ain't you fixing to
talk to him, Matthew?

I don't think he'd have
much left to tell me.

- Marshal, Marshal, I seen him, I seen him!
- Who?

Right out there on
the street, big as life!

Oh, he'll do it again.
He'll do it again.

- Same as he did in Garden City.
- What are you talking about?

The preacher. The preacher.
I'm talkin' about the preacher.

I saw him in Garden
City last week!

Oh, he has a terrible
way of stirrin' up a town.

- You wouldn't believe it.
- Now, Dougherty,

suppose you just tell me
what you're talking about.

Well, that's what
I'm trying to do.

He comes into town
and tells everybody

that a man is
going to get killed.

And it happens just
like he said it would.

You mean this preacher
has killed somebody?

Well, in one way, you
could say that he did, all right.

In another way, you
could say that he didn't.

Well, that doesn't
make much sense.

Well, it's the only
way I can put it!

He didn't have no gun,
but he killed that man!

He killed him as
sure as you're alive.

Uh-huh. Uh, Dougherty, sit down.

Well, he's out there
on the street right now.

You've got to stop him, Marshal.

Yes, I know, but
first you sit down.

Just calm yourself,
take it easy.

Start from the beginning and
tell me exactly what happened.

All right.

All right, the facts, the facts.

I'll give 'em to you, and you
can be a judge for yourself.

It seems when he
comes into town,

he lets everybody know that
somebody... he don't say who...

That somebody is
going to meet their maker.

It's not a threat, mind you,

just a simple statement of fact.

Now, did you see this killing?

I did, indeed.

I was sitting
there in the saloon

minding me own
business, of course,

and this saddle tramp, a
man called Crandall, came in,

started drinkin'
and playin' cards.

And all the time he was
playin', he had his eyes glued

on the front door,

as if he were
expecting something.

Expecting what?

The preacher, the
preacher! Who else?

All of a sudden,
the door flings open

and there he stands,
breathing hellfire and damnation.

And then like the remorseless
finger of the Almighty,

he strides across the room.

And Crandall jumps to
his feet and pulls his gun

and says, "Stay away from me!

Stay away from
me or I'll kill you!"

Somebody shouts, "You
can't kill an unarmed man!"

But Crandall don't hear

because the preacher
is comin' after him,

his eyes burnin' like
two red-hot coals!

And then Crandall
raises his gun.

But before he can fire, a
shot rings out from the left

and two from the right!

And Crandall is
down on the floor,

the blood runnin' out of him

and the light flowin'
out of his eyes.

All right, all right,
now, Dougherty.

Come on. Get up.

Now, suppose you tell me
who it was that fired these shots.

Why, the people in
the saloon. Who else?

I almost put a
bullet in him myself,

him trying to shoot
an unarmed man,

and he a man of the cloth.

Now, what'd this preacher do?

He didn't do nothin'.

He just opened his
Bible over the deceased

and read a few comforting lines,

and then he
disappeared into the night

and nobody ever saw him again

until I set eyes on
him this very night here

in the streets of Dodge City.

Now, the man that was killed,
you said his name was Crandall?

That's right.

Mr. Smoky Crandall,
God rest his soul.

Now, Dougherty, I-I thank
you. Appreciate your telling me.

It's only me duty,
Marshal, only me duty.

That man had a way
of stirrin' up things

that you wouldn't believe.

He could stand there,

his eyes blazin' and a...

and a Bible tucked
under his arm,

and right away the whole town

would fall into a
terrible state of hysteria.

If you'll excuse me, Marshal,
I think I'll go have a wee drop.

Mister, why don't
you get out of here.

What's that, friend?

You heard me.

Folks don't want you
hanging around here like this.

- Why?
- 'Cause you make 'em nervous, that's why.

Well, now, it's a free country.

It seems to me a man can stand

and enjoy the evening
wherever he wants.

Mister, I don't know who
you are or what you want,

but if you keep
hanging around here,

you're asking for trouble.

If it'll make you feel
any better, friend,

I'd gladly go inside with
you and buy you a drink.

I don't want nothin' from you!

Nothin' at all!

All I want you to do
is stay away from me.

You understand?!

Stay away!


This is a real fine
cedar coffin, Reverend.

It goes with a $50 funeral.

No, I don't need
anything that expensive.

Just a plain decent
burial will do.

Well, uh, I can give
you this pine box,

uh, transportation to Boot Hill

and filling the grave in after.

- How much?
- $17.

Oh, that'll be fine.

Now, if I could just have
the name of the deceased?

He isn't dead yet.


Well, I-I don't understand.

No, there's nothing
very peculiar about that.

I'm simply paying for
the funeral of a man

who is about to die.

But when will the
body be arriving?

The marshal will
bring him in in due time.

Uh, how will I know which
is the one you paid for?

Don't worry, Mr. Crump, I'll
be on hand to identify him.

- $17.
- Yeah.

- Good day.
- Good...

Mr. Longworth.

Good morning.

How did you know my name?

Well, I just got a telegram here

from the United States
Marshal down in Austin.

It confirms the fact that a
man named Aaron Longworth

was shot in the back in
Clarendon a few months ago.

Now, this man was your brother?

Yes, he was.

And you feel that, uh, Sipes

was one of the
men that killed him?

Mr. Longworth.

You know, I can
understand how you feel.

But you're not judge,
jury and executioner.

Under the law, a man
is presumed innocent

till he's proven guilty.

Marshal, suppose
I told you that Sipes

was one of the men
and you arrested him.

He'll deny he had anything
to do with the killing.

Without witnesses,
there is no proof.

Even if he were brought
to trial, he'd be acquitted.

But I know that he killed

- my brother.
- How do you know?

First time he saw
me in the hotel,

he thought he was
looking at a ghost.

Last night, he tried to run.

That doesn't prove him guilty.

Marshal, that man is
a cold-blooded killer.

Now, because there
isn't any proof of his guilt,

you may go on
presuming him innocent.

I have other plans.

Mr. Longworth, just
be sure that your plans

don't include taking the
law in your own hands.


I declare, Miss Kitty,
this here just beats all.


Why, this here place can't lose.

Well, if folks is feeling good

and feeling like kicking up
their heels and celebrating,

the first place they
come's right here.

And on the other hand,

if folks gets to
fretting and a-worrying,

the first place they come
is right here to talk about it.

See, either way, you
get all the business,

don't you see?

Yeah, well,

this kind of business
I can do without.

Seems like everybody's
getting a little too edgy.

That usually leads to trouble.

Take a look over there.

I don't care if he does say
a man's gonna get killed.

That don't make
it the gospel truth.

Even if he is a preacher.

Sure. He's loony.

We don't know nothing about
him, not even his last name.

You heard him at the hotel.

I tell you, I believe him.
He-he gives me the shivers.

Aw, you're crazy as a bedbug.

And anybody's crazy
that listens to him, too.

Why, look at him
standing out there.

They said he was
crazy in Garden City, too.

How do you know?

I just got back
from there last night.

And-and the preacher was there?

Big as life.

He called down on
an unfortunate creature

the wrath of mysterious forces

that are beyond the powers
of human understanding.

What do you mean by that?

He said a man was going to die.

And a man died.

Who? Who died?

A gentleman called Crandall.

Mr. Smoky Crandall, it was.

And the parson shot him?

Not him.

The preacher left the
execution to others.

There were three or four
bullets in the victim when he fell.

'Tis my belief the
late Mr. Crandall

went berserk with
fear and had to be shot

like a mad dog.

What is... What's your
little game, mister?

Now, did the parson pay you

to come in here
and stir up trouble?

Now, remove your
hands from me, my man.

Nobody is gonna sit around
here and listen to a pack of lies.

May the saints
preserve me if I'm lying.

If that preacher is
weaving another dark plan

to destroy somebody around
here, I wouldn't be surprised

if that person would
die like a mad dog, too.

You're a lying devil.


I'm just gonna give you

just three seconds.

Take that back
and tell the truth.

Whoa, now, mister,
you better back off.

There's gonna be
any shooting did,

it's fixing to be me,
do you understand?

Go get Matt.

I wasn't gonna do nothing.

Well, now, I'm plumb
glad to hear that.

See, Willie here, he
ain't wearing no gun.

If you was to have
drawed on him,

why, there's a
whole passel of folks

just a-waiting to
load you up with lead.

Much obliged.

Now, why don't you just
ease back over yonder

and finish drinking
your loud mouth?

If you want to stay on
top the ground, mister,

you'll not try that again.

Well, it ain't me.
It's that preacher.

Making everybody
jump at shadows.

Standing out there
like a man's conscience.

Sure, if he knows
somebody's gonna get killed,

he ought to say who it is.

Yeah, we got a
right to know, too.

- Maybe he don't know who it is.
- Well, let's find out.

- Let's go bring him in...
- Wait a minute...

Bring him in here!
Bring him in here!

That's right.

There's no need to bring him in.

Appears to me you've got a lot
of explaining to do, Reverend.

Oh, I don't know why he's...

I don't think it should
be done in here.

Let him talk, Miss Kitty.

Yeah, we could
use a lot of laughs.

I'd like to find out what
happened in Garden City.

- All right.
- What?

Ma'am, may I have your
permission to address these men?

I'd like to hear
what he has to say.

That's right.

All right.

But just don't start
anything in here.

- Gentlemen.
- That's us, boys. -Shut up.

- Gentlemen.
- Be quiet.

There is a man
in this room tonight

who is a murderer.

He shot a preacher in the back.

- In the back?
- A preacher?

If you look closely,

you can see the bullet holes
in the coat he was wearing

when he was killed.

- Oh. -Yeah.
- Right there, bullet holes.

What's his name,
preacher? Tell us his name.

- You can see it there.
- Come on, tell us who he is.

- Yeah. -Yeah.
- We want to know.

Yes, I can name him.

Come on. -Come on, name him.

Who is he? -Who is he?

But I won't,

until I tell you that
the man he killed

was my own brother.

You see the holes in this coat?

The bullets that
made those holes

took the life of a man of God.

A man with a wife and family.

A man who was carrying with
him money that was donated

by his own congregation for
the building of a new church.

The man who put
those bullet holes

in my brother's back
stole that money.

I followed him for seven months,

and I tell you, he is
in this room right now.

- His name is...
- Hold it.

- What's going on here?
- Marshal,

the parson said the
man who killed his brother

is in this room.

We got a right to
know who it is, Marshal.

Yeah, make him

- put up or shut up, Marshal.
- Spit it out, preacher.

Spit it out, would you?

Yeah, make him... -Come on.

- I am going to tell them, Marshal.
- You're not gonna

tell them anything. Come on,
let's get out of here right now.

- Now, wait a moment...
- Come on, Festus.

Get him over to
my office right now.

- Wait a minute, Marshal, wait...
- If the preacher

has something to say,
Marshal, why can't he say it?

If he's got something to say,
he'll say it to me in my office.

Now, you boys go on back
to your drinking. It's all over.

Kitty, if anybody starts
any more trouble here,

I want to know who it is.

- Evening.
- Howdy.



I'd like to talk to
you for just a minute.

What about?

Over here.

Did you ever know a man
named Smoky Crandall?

Never heard of him. Why?

Well, he's one of two men
that was wanted for the murder

of a preacher named
Aaron Longworth

down in Clarendon,
Texas, a few months back.

What about it?

Crandall was killed in
Garden City about a week ago.

And what's that
got to do with me?

Asa Longworth was
just about to accuse you

of being the other man
involved in the killing.

Oh, he's a loony.

You got no proof.

Well, that's true. But I just
sent a description of you

to the sheriff
down in Clarendon.

I should be getting
an answer soon.

In the meantime,
don't try to leave town.

All right, drop
that gun, Dillon.

Or I'll kill her.

Festus, hold it.

That's right, Marshal.

Keep your friends in line.

Where are you going?

Uh, somebody's
got to do something.

Do you want to see
that woman get killed?

Now, you hear me!
And you hear me good.

I want my horse up
here in ten minutes!

If it ain't here,

this woman is gonna be dead.

Now, you just
remember that, all of you!

'Cause I got nothin' to lose!

Thad, you hold on
to that, right there.

- I'll be back to you soon as I can.
- Right.

How bad is it, Doc?

Well, if he'd have been a
better shot by about an inch,

you wouldn't be
asking any questions.


Five minutes, Marshal!

Where's that horse?!

I'm comin' with him!

Keep your shirt on!

Let's don't have any tricks,

or this woman is dead!

Now, you better
stand still, sister.

Well, get a move on!

Marshal, are you gonna
let that man ride out of here?

There's nothing else I can do.

Marshal, that man is a murderer.

He killed my brother, and
he'll kill that woman, too.

Yes, I'm well
aware of that fact.

Well, I won't let
him get away with it.



Asa, come back here!

What do you think you're doing?

I'm gonna get a
shot at Sipes, Doc,

before that fella Asa
blows this thing wide open.


You're bleeding like a
stuck pig! Come back here!

All right, Thad, let's
have a look at this.

Come on. Where's the money?

Well, I'm trying to get it open.

You're not trying
hard enough, mister!


There, it's open.

All right, never mind that
other stuff... just the money.

Sure. Sure.

All right, out from
behind there. Move.

Wh-What for?

Out in the street.

- Unhitch the horses.
- What?

You heard me. Up
and down the street.

Let them horses loose.

And if you leave
one of 'em tied...


Now, stop right there.

Now, take out that gun.


Now, throw it up on that roof.

That's better.

Now, bring that horse
over here and tie it up good.

Now, is there any other little
favors I can do to help you out?


You can get back to that stable

and run them
horses out of there.

And if there's one
animal left in that place,

well, that'll be all
for the young lady.

Now, move.



All right, spook them horses!

Spook 'em!

- Hyah! Hyah!
- - Run 'em out of town!

Come on! Spook them horses!

All right, you two,

hold it right there.

Now, get on across
the street. Go on!

Now, move.


Come on out where I can see you!

Now, that's just fine.

He didn't tell me
what to do about this.

Marshal can't come out, Sipes!


Well, because you put a
bullet in him, that's why!

You'd better not
be lying to me, Doc.

Any tricks, and this
is a dead woman!

Well, if you don't believe
me, come down here

and take a look for yourself.

I'll take your word for it!

Now, that leaves
just one more thing.

You got that mealy-mouthed
preacher in there!

Well, send him out!

Him and me got
a score to settle.

All right. I'll send him out.

What are you gonna do?

I don't know, Thad.

I just don't know.



I don't want to have
to ask you again!

Get him out here!

I'm gonna count three!



You all right, Preacher?

Well, why don't you
just go on and shoot?

Will you just hold your taters?

I'm fixin' to make a shot here

that's a pearl
button bangle Billy.

Well, look here.
Well, Asa. Matt!

- Good afternoon, gentlemen.
- Howdy, Asa.

- How are you feeling?
- Oh, fine, thanks to you.

By golly, Asa, what
brings you back to Dodge?

Don't worry, Marshal,
I'm just passing through.

I'm on my way to Clarendon
to take over my brother's parish.


Yes, I was ordained last month.

Well, now, that's
fine. Congratulations.

Yeah, me, too.
That's mighty fine.

I, uh, wanted to
tell you all again

how sorry I am for the
trouble I caused here.

I had many a sleepless night

thinking about how close I
came to being responsible

for the loss of innocent lives.

Well, Asa, don't give
that any more thought.

That's water over the
dam. Congratulations.

I wish you a lot of good
luck in your new job.

Well, thank you, thank you.

And if any of you
are ever in Clarendon,

I'd be mighty glad to see you.

Well, thank you.
Thank you, Reverend.

Hey, w-wait a minute, Reverend.


Turn around.

I sure am glad to see you
got your coat patched up.

You know something?

He is the world's greatest
contortionist. You are.

What do you mean by that?

You're the only living
human being who can put both

of your feet into your
mouth at the same time.

Well, what did I say?

Well, you didn't have
to mention to-to...

Oh, never mind. Go
on and shoot. Shoot!

You ornery old scudder.

All you do is faunch and beller.

You make me so dang mad,

I could smoke a pickle.