Grown-ish (2018–…): Season 5, Episode 3 - No New Friends - full transcript
Zaara:
Where are my headphones?
I have to have them here
somewhere.
[♪]
Where are my earbuds?!
I just put them here!
One thing I wasn't prepared for
in college is having a roommate.
Earbuds don't have feet!
Earbuds don't wander off!
Junior: I mean,
yeah, I have siblings,
and I even lived
with a girlfriend once,
but this is different.
What are you looking at?!
And that's because zaara Ali
has always been a fighter.
She fought for her life
in the hospital.
[ Zaara crying ]
She fought to be respected.
She fought her way
through the boys
for her spot on the field.
[ Crowd cheering ]
She fought for her identity.
Nice butch boots, lez!
Thanks!
And ever since
we've become roommates...
I said,
what are you looking at?!
...She's been fighting with me.
Nothing.
Are those my earbuds,
klepto?
Uh, they're
definitely not.
My grandma got these for me
as a gift for easter.
Oh, grandma
got you earbuds?
My grandma got married off
to a man she didn't love
after her village flooded.
My grandma
blew up a boat once.
That's neither
here nor there.
[♪]
Okay.
If I find out
these are mine,
I'm gonna cut your ear off
in your sleep.
Van gogh style.
[ Ding! ]
♪ Watch out, world,
I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
♪ I earn something new
every day ♪
♪ I don't know,
so I'MMA feel my way ♪
♪ Got the weight
of the world on me ♪
♪ But no regrets,
this is what I say ♪
♪ Watch out, world,
I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
♪ You can tell me ♪
♪ My heart beating so loud ♪
♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
[ laughter ]
Yo!
Hey.
You guys like me, right?
[ laughs ]
hey, boo, I got this one.
Hey, you is kind,
you is smart,
you is important.
I am serious.
If there is one thing
that I have going for me,
aside from natural curls
and 6 feet of height,
it is that I am somebody
that everybody likes.
Everybody
except for zaara.
I mean, it sounds like
a hater to me.
And you gotta know,
haters is gonna hate.
Say, "later, hater."
And, you know, let that hater
be your motivator.
You know what I'm sayin'?
Bro, do you get all of your
advice from Lil Wayne lyrics?
Yeah.
Hey, I think it might be
just, like, a straight-dude,
lesbian thing.
What do you mean?
You know how, like,
super-straight dudes
and lesbians don't mix?
It's like potato salad
and raisins.
Like, you're not gonna
eat that.
But...
But we're friends, slick.
[ Scoffs ] nah.
Every time I turn around,
you just there, bam.
I gave you
half my fries.
Well, then she has got
the wrong idea about me.
I am for equal rights.
I have voted for gay causes.
Bro, do you even have
any gay friends?
My aunt's gay.
You're just not down, bro.
He's just not down.
Damn. Am I not down?
I've always thought there's
no question that I'm an ally.
If there's one thing
I'm good at,
it's appreciating a woman.
Did that sound sexual?
I did not mean for that
to be sexual.
Okay. You guys have given me
something to think about.
[♪]
Thank you.
Hi. Yes.
Can I get a americano?
Heavy cream, seven splendas,
a drop of caramel,
a dash of cinnamon,
just mix it all in there.
Don't judge me.
I like it sweet. Thank you.
So, dude, what are you doing here?
Do you have the day off or what?
I thought you had work.
I'm killing it so much
at work right now...
This is a big mistake.
You can get your final check
at the end of the week.
Ohh.
I'm ahead on all
my accounts, so...
Ohh.
Boss moves only, huh?
Only way I move.
That's what I like to hear.
So you got this then,
right, boss?
[ Register beeping ]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got us.
Thank you.
I got it next time.
I just...
I got that.
I just paid rent,
and the university
only hands out checks
biweekly,
so gotta keep the lights on,
even if that means
not having my razor
plugged in at the same time.
Yeah, I was gonna say,
your shit looks kind of patchy.
That's not a nice thing
to say to someone.
Sorry.
You know?
My bad.
What are you gonna do?
Yo, did you see this?
Look at this.
Global studies department.
"we've got them all."
We're not pokémon.
Why are diverse voices
only important
in the global
studies department?
Why doesn't the chemistry
department look like that?
Or economics?
Yeah, no, the economy's...
The economy crazy, bro.
But, anyway, things
are really fuego for me
right now
professionally.
That's some Spanish
I picked up
for one of our
Brazilian clients.
I thought they speak
Portuguese over there.
Yeah, that... that's the point
of the whole campaign.
It's to make Spanish the new
national language of Brazil.
It's a whole thing.
It's gonna be fire.
[ Cellphone rings and buzzes ]
I'MMA take this.
This is my frat brother ray.
Yeah. I gotta hook him
up with one of our clients.
Keep everything real.
Keep the synergy going.
Mm-hmm.
You know?
Do your thing, man.
Ray! Yeah, buddy.
So, we're, uh...
We're good for the interview
tomorrow at 2:00 P.M., yeah?
Great.
Aaron: Amongst Dr. Dubois'
strongest arguments
for viewing this time period
as a success
is the establishment
of public education in the south
for the very first time, yes?
And one of the most overlooked
aspects in du bois' critique
of the historical framing
of reconstruction
was how the negro thought
they'd be overlooked
when trying to sneak
into my class late.
That is the third time
this month.
Guys, come on.
This is a seminar, okay?
You can't get lost in the crowd.
I can literally see
every single one of you,
from Josiah,
who still pops his collar
for reasons we don't understand,
to Jonathan in the back,
who sleeps with his eyes open.
He thinks he's fooling us.
He's fooling no one.
And to Michelle
with the adult braces.
Yes, ma'am. [Lisping]
my name's Danielle.
That's what I said, Michelle.
Thank you so much.
Now, listen,
I don't tolerate lateness...
Not in my students
nor their assignments, okay?
My assignment's not late.
I just sent it to you.
[ Beeping ]
what do you...
Okay. Let's see.
[ Upbeat music playing ]
Annika: Oh, hello, there.
You're just in time for
my report on w.E.B. Du bois'
quintessential work,
"black reconstruction."
[ Jackhammer pounding,
wolf-whistles ]
Prior to its publishing
in 1935, it was widely felt
that reconstruction
had been a total fail.
This view was espoused in 1878
by James pike
in "the prostrate state."
[ Fart sound ]
gross.
That's offensive.
But it was propagated
by an overall
scholarly acceptance
of white supremacy
during a time of widespread
southern disenfranchisement
for most African-Americans
and a gang of caucasians.
[ Ding ]
rent is too damn high!
[ laughter ]
So good.
In 1929,
prominent black activist
and all-around bad bitch
Anna Julia Cooper asked...
♪ there's nothing wrong
with lovin' who you are ♪
♪ She said, "'cause
he made you perfect, babe" ♪
[ Door opens ]
Hey, roomie!
Welcome home
to your safe space.
[ Door closes ]
what the hell is this?
Well, I realized today
that I have never taken the time
to acknowledge you
for the strong,
Indian-American,
gay goddess that you are.
So I decided that, tonight,
we are gonna make it
room 212's first annual
ally appreciation night.
What's that smell?
Oh.
♪ Baby, I was born this way ♪
It's a vindaloo fondue.
I took all the curry spices
and mixed them
with a curated blend
of cheeses.
Why would you fill
a 200-square-foot room
with Indian food
and cheese?
Bro, don't worry!
We will crack a window
during the after-dinner movie.
I've got the 2016
glaad award-winning film "Carol"
ready for us to watch.
Bro, I don't want to watch
a lesbian love story
with you, ever.
And I'm not eating any of
your cheesy Indian hate crime.
Okay. I have tried.
I have really made an effort
to connect with you
and to make our dorm
a comfortable living space,
but you just don't
[bleep] with me, heavy!
You're right.
I don't [bleep] with you.
But everybody does!
Why are you so against
being my friend?
I don't want your lesbian love
fest or your anal organizing.
I don't want a bff,
and if I did, it wouldn't be
some silly-looking
straight dude like you. Sill...
I just want a roommate
that leaves me alone!
Fine! Okay!
You want me
to leave you alone.
Then I will just leave you
all the way alone.
We're done!
Good!
Great!
[♪]
Know what?
You don't deserve
this vindaloo.
[♪♪]
[ Door closes ]
[ ding! ]
- Come on, come on. Got 'im!
- Aaron: You saw that?
Yo, first the school
disrespects me,
then this freshman
disrespects me.
I'm beginning to not like this whole
adult-life thing. [ Shooting on screen ]
Yeah, I mean, it just
feels like it was easier
when we were in school,
kickin' it and playing
video games all day.
I mean, that's kind of
what we're doing right now.
With the crushing weight
of adulthood on our shoulders.
[ Door opens ]
Dudes, it is over for me
and zaara as friends...
[ door closes ]
...And maybe roommates.
But you know what?
I don't need her to like me.
How'd he get
in your apartment?
Well, Zoey made me
give him a key.
I even have to put a deadbolt on
the door when I'm taking a shower.
He has no respect
for boundaries.
What if I put in a request
for a room change?
What do you think
she'd think about that?
Nice.
Giving her what she wants.
That'll show her
who's boss.
Listen, freshman...
No, that's weird.
Junior. Listen, junior.
Having a crazy roommate is
a part of being in college.
Me and my freshman roommate,
we didn't even last a whole six months.
What happened?
I don't know.
Something about him not liking
my freestyle drumming,
which is ridiculous.
Yeah.
Anyway, the point is,
roommate drama's a part of it.
Just don't let it
throw you off your game.
You just need to
get with some people
who really
appreciate you.
Isn't... isn't the shirts
and skins party coming up?
Yeah.
Oh, uh, that naked party.
- Yeah.
- Is that a real thing?
Oh, it's real,
alright.
Absolutely.
And it's very ratchet.
Just ass and racks
on display for you.
Okay. I can get behind that.
Y'all going or...?
Oh, no.
Of course not, dude.
I'm a professor. Have
some respect. I'm grown.
[ Explosion ] whoa! Get the
bazooka! Get the bazooka!
Well, quit telling me how to
play the game and guard my six!
Okay. Good. Great.
I am going to a naked party.
Oh, that was close.
Hey, uh,
future brother-in-law,
is it cool if I crash
on this couch?
Seems like you guys
are pretty close
to wrapping
this game up, right?
Ahh.
Let me get the...
You need to change
the locks on your door.
You want to
get in on this?
I'm good, thank you.
Okay.
[♪]
♪ I'm sorry for... ♪
Yo, yo, yo.
Hey.
What's up?
What's going on, man?
Yo, I'm, uh...
I'm truly grateful for this job
opportunity, man, really.
Come on, bro. You know
we blood in and out the yard.
Yeah. And you've always
been a hard worker.
I can't knock your hustle.
Well, this is much appreciated.
And I've already been ruminating
on a couple ideas
for, you know,
your businesses.
You know, just some market
research and suggestions
for the next
three quarters,
guaranteed to
up your productivity
with minimal
investment, bro.
Listen. Uh, I think we got
our wires crossed, man.
I'm just looking for somebody
that's not afraid
to get they hands dirty.
That's all.
Oh, I'm ready to get
straight filthy.
I mean, you know...
As a bar back.
You really gonna slap me in the
face with a bar back position?
Well, it sounded like you
were in a real tight spot,
and it's all I got open
right now, so...
Alright.
Well, you can keep that open.
I didn't major in
scraping jalapeño poppers
off of party platters.
Later, man.
[♪]
Okay. Here we go.
I wish she would come in late.
Ooh, I wish she would. Come on.
Annika really about to come
into my office hours late?
[ Chuckles ] she does not know
who she's messing with. Mnh-mnh.
Good afternoon,
professor Jackson.
So nice of you
to carve out some time
in your busy schedule
to check in on me. What's up?
"What's up? What's up?"
have a seat, please.
I'll tell you what's up.
You made a mockery
of my assignment
and a mockery of the great
Dr. W.E.B. Du bois
by sending in
that bootleg tiktok
on some black
Reese Witherspoon ish.
I'm sorry...
My black reconstruction project
is anything but bootleg.
[♪]
These are what we
in the social-media world
like to call "analytics."
It tells us how many people
have seen our posts,
a.K.A. How many coins
we can snatch.
And this shows
how many views
my "bootleg" assignment has
right now.
That's the number right there?
100,988 views. Wow.
And counting. Since posted
less than 24 hours ago.
Not to mention
20,000-plus reposts
and 400,000-plus likes,
including one from cordae.
And that's not counting
the reposts of the reposts,
professor.
Okay. So, what?
Some rappers got behind it.
That's great and all.
You still dis...
No, no, no, no.
Not just rappers.
Real changemakers, like
Stacey Abrams, color of change,
and Rachel cargle
promoted it, too.
Rachel cargle?
Yep.
Now #black reconstruction
is trending,
right after #ririsfeet.
Okay. Alright.
You know what?
I'm gonna be honest.
When you came in here today,
I was ready to just...
Just humiliate you, really,
make an example out of you.
But you have given me
an idea.
Wait. I'm sorry.
Yeah.
You were gonna
humiliate me?
Oh, yeah.
It was gonna be bad.
Probably would've
gotten fired for it.
But we don't have to worry
about that.
Because you've inspired me.
Dismissed!
♪ Eh, yeah, we hot,
know how we do it ♪
♪ Comin' straight out
the fryin' pan ♪
♪ Top of the world, feelin'
just like I'm flyin', man, eh ♪
Junior: You know what?
Who cares if I have a roommate
who hates me?
I am a fun, likable guy,
and it is Wednesday night,
so I'm gonna have a fun time
at this shirts and skins party.
I mean, obviously,
it is still a school night,
so I will be leaving by 1:00,
but it's a hump day naked party!
So from now until... 12:59,
I'm gonna tear it up.
Bro.
What's going on?
Yo, I thought
this was a naked party.
It is, but it's split
into two areas...
Shirts...
[ dinging ]
...And inside, skins.
Ah.
This shirts section's
pretty packed, huh?
Yeah, very few
are brave enough
to venture
into the skins room.
I'll probably head in,
but I'm too sober right now.
Yo, do I need
to be oiled up?
I feel like a lot of people
are oiled up.
Chill, bro.
Let's get some
skins room courage.
Okay.
Together:
You've gotta be kidding me.
I specifically went out
the fire escape
to avoid running into you.
What are you
even doing here?
You just come to stand
in the corner and judge?
Um, I'm here to have fun
with my actual,
chosen friend, slick.
Ha! Your idea of fun
is studying for the sats.
[laughing] uh, I'm tripping
way too hard for this.
Trust me... you do not want
to air out dorm business
in these streets.
Mnh.
I do not have time for this.
Come on, Zeke.
Let's go into the skins room.
I know zaara doesn't have
the balls to go in.
Oh, my ovaries are bigger
than your "testicles"
will ever be.
You should get that
checked out.
[ Chuckles ]
yeah, sis.
Yeah!
What you about to do, bro?
Huh!
Shoot.
Ain't no thang.
Hold that for me.
[ Onlookers murmuring ]
[♪]
Unh-unh! No halfsies.
[♪]
[ Ding! ]
♪ let's go ♪
♪ let's go ♪
♪ You know what it is,
and you know what it isn't ♪
♪ Black sheep
don't need no Shepherd ♪
♪ Black sheep
don't need no Shepherd ♪
♪ Say it one time,
two times for the record ♪
♪ Black sheep
don't need no Shepherd ♪
♪ Black sheep
don't need no Shepherd ♪
Should we sit?
Um, do we put a towel
down first?
That guy didn't.
♪
Too comfy guy: You know, when
my parents split, I-I took it real hard.
I think that's why I have issues
opening up, ya know?
Oh!
No, thank you.
God, please, just
close back up. Oh, my...
Mnh.
[ chuckles ]
I don't know what I was
expecting a naked party to be,
but this is not it.
No.
You have beautiful eyes.
I keep getting lost in them.
Aw. Thanks. I... I keep getting
lost in... in yours, too.
Oh.
[ Crunch ]
[♪]
Ugh.
No.
Just leave it.
Bro, just let it go.
Oh.
Oh, that's so gross. That's
so gross. That's so gross.
Just get more guac.
♪
Ew. What kind of hair
do you think that is?
Could literally
be any kind.
[ Both laugh ]
Ohh...
Do you wanna bounce?
Yeah. Let's get the hell
out of here.
♪ Black sheep
don't need no Shepherd ♪
Yeah.
Boss moves only.
[ Cellphone rings and buzzes ]
Yo.
What's going on, pop?
Doug's dad: There he is! Too
busy to pick up your dad's calls, huh?
No, my bad. I've just had
so much stuff going on.
I told your moms you was
just loaded with work,
but you know she likes
to worry. Oh, I know.
We're both really proud
of you, son.
Your moms can't stop bragging
to the ladies at church.
It's...
It's really nothing.
But you know I'm always here
for you if you need anything.
Advice, money.
Anything.
Actually, I...
Nah, it's all good.
It's just nice to hear
your voice, pop.
If you think
you're proud of me now,
wait till you hear about this
new client I have in Brazil.
Zaara: No way!
Moist chip.
Junior: Yeah. Moist.
Soggy chip.
Oh, this one
broke apart.
You know what'd make
these nachos way better?
Mnh-mnh.
A dash of dude's
chest hairs.
Revolting.
If I wasn't gay already,
I definitely am now.
Mm. It was like
a butcher's shop in there.
Just meat swinging to and fro,
back and forth.
You know, honestly,
I did not peg you
for someone who would go
to a naked party.
I am full of surprises.
No, you're not.
No, I'm not.
But I'm also
not closed-minded.
Look, if I was roommates
with somebody who didn't have
any black friends, I think
I'd be a bit wary of them, too.
It bothers me that
I don't have gay friends
and that I've never
even thought about it.
So I get why
you don't like me.
It's not that.
Balancing school and
my internship at the hospital
has been a struggle.
My whole life has been running
towards becoming a doctor,
and I feel like I'm tripping
at the starting line.
But what if this isn't
just a rough start?
What if I'm just
not cut out for this?
Hey, as someone that
you've been pretty hard on,
I think I can say you're
being too hard on yourself.
I literally dropped out
of college on my first day,
so trust me...
I understand
what it means
to get off to a rough start.
You dropped out
one day into college?
This isn't about me!
I'm just saying,
I understand pressure,
and I know
what it can do to you.
So if something is bugging you,
just let me know,
and I'll do what I can.
Anything?
Anything.
Can I borrow
your earbuds?
I legit have no idea
where I put mine.
Oh, you know what?
Keep them.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
Thanks!
Want to listen to something
together on our walk back?
Great. Let me just type
"queer Indian doctor play list"
into my Spotify.
If I didn't know
you were joking,
I would punch your penis
back into your body.
Wow.
That is harsh.
You're really harsh
with the insults.
Come on, man.
You've got this. Alright?
You got nothing to lose.
If the school
isn't gonna listen to you,
you gotta make them
listen to you.
Gotta make this university live
up to its pledge of diversity,
and what you have to say
is more important
than any teen dance challenge.
Alright. Here we go.
What are you doing, though?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Y-you're a professor, damn it.
A professor!
You've worked your whole life
for this!
Got a 401(k).
You're gonna embarrass yourself.
[ Ding! ]
Just quit being a bitch
and do it.
Ohh. You calling me a bitch?
[ Chuckles ]
alright. Heard ya.
[ Breathes deeply ]
Wakanda forever.
[ Panther snarls ]
[ beep ]
Hey. How you guys doing?
Professor Aaron Jackson here,
and today I'm going to be rating
Cal u's faculty diversity
by department.
[ Ding! ]
Where are my headphones?
I have to have them here
somewhere.
[♪]
Where are my earbuds?!
I just put them here!
One thing I wasn't prepared for
in college is having a roommate.
Earbuds don't have feet!
Earbuds don't wander off!
Junior: I mean,
yeah, I have siblings,
and I even lived
with a girlfriend once,
but this is different.
What are you looking at?!
And that's because zaara Ali
has always been a fighter.
She fought for her life
in the hospital.
[ Zaara crying ]
She fought to be respected.
She fought her way
through the boys
for her spot on the field.
[ Crowd cheering ]
She fought for her identity.
Nice butch boots, lez!
Thanks!
And ever since
we've become roommates...
I said,
what are you looking at?!
...She's been fighting with me.
Nothing.
Are those my earbuds,
klepto?
Uh, they're
definitely not.
My grandma got these for me
as a gift for easter.
Oh, grandma
got you earbuds?
My grandma got married off
to a man she didn't love
after her village flooded.
My grandma
blew up a boat once.
That's neither
here nor there.
[♪]
Okay.
If I find out
these are mine,
I'm gonna cut your ear off
in your sleep.
Van gogh style.
[ Ding! ]
♪ Watch out, world,
I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
♪ I earn something new
every day ♪
♪ I don't know,
so I'MMA feel my way ♪
♪ Got the weight
of the world on me ♪
♪ But no regrets,
this is what I say ♪
♪ Watch out, world,
I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
♪ You can tell me ♪
♪ My heart beating so loud ♪
♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
[ laughter ]
Yo!
Hey.
You guys like me, right?
[ laughs ]
hey, boo, I got this one.
Hey, you is kind,
you is smart,
you is important.
I am serious.
If there is one thing
that I have going for me,
aside from natural curls
and 6 feet of height,
it is that I am somebody
that everybody likes.
Everybody
except for zaara.
I mean, it sounds like
a hater to me.
And you gotta know,
haters is gonna hate.
Say, "later, hater."
And, you know, let that hater
be your motivator.
You know what I'm sayin'?
Bro, do you get all of your
advice from Lil Wayne lyrics?
Yeah.
Hey, I think it might be
just, like, a straight-dude,
lesbian thing.
What do you mean?
You know how, like,
super-straight dudes
and lesbians don't mix?
It's like potato salad
and raisins.
Like, you're not gonna
eat that.
But...
But we're friends, slick.
[ Scoffs ] nah.
Every time I turn around,
you just there, bam.
I gave you
half my fries.
Well, then she has got
the wrong idea about me.
I am for equal rights.
I have voted for gay causes.
Bro, do you even have
any gay friends?
My aunt's gay.
You're just not down, bro.
He's just not down.
Damn. Am I not down?
I've always thought there's
no question that I'm an ally.
If there's one thing
I'm good at,
it's appreciating a woman.
Did that sound sexual?
I did not mean for that
to be sexual.
Okay. You guys have given me
something to think about.
[♪]
Thank you.
Hi. Yes.
Can I get a americano?
Heavy cream, seven splendas,
a drop of caramel,
a dash of cinnamon,
just mix it all in there.
Don't judge me.
I like it sweet. Thank you.
So, dude, what are you doing here?
Do you have the day off or what?
I thought you had work.
I'm killing it so much
at work right now...
This is a big mistake.
You can get your final check
at the end of the week.
Ohh.
I'm ahead on all
my accounts, so...
Ohh.
Boss moves only, huh?
Only way I move.
That's what I like to hear.
So you got this then,
right, boss?
[ Register beeping ]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got us.
Thank you.
I got it next time.
I just...
I got that.
I just paid rent,
and the university
only hands out checks
biweekly,
so gotta keep the lights on,
even if that means
not having my razor
plugged in at the same time.
Yeah, I was gonna say,
your shit looks kind of patchy.
That's not a nice thing
to say to someone.
Sorry.
You know?
My bad.
What are you gonna do?
Yo, did you see this?
Look at this.
Global studies department.
"we've got them all."
We're not pokémon.
Why are diverse voices
only important
in the global
studies department?
Why doesn't the chemistry
department look like that?
Or economics?
Yeah, no, the economy's...
The economy crazy, bro.
But, anyway, things
are really fuego for me
right now
professionally.
That's some Spanish
I picked up
for one of our
Brazilian clients.
I thought they speak
Portuguese over there.
Yeah, that... that's the point
of the whole campaign.
It's to make Spanish the new
national language of Brazil.
It's a whole thing.
It's gonna be fire.
[ Cellphone rings and buzzes ]
I'MMA take this.
This is my frat brother ray.
Yeah. I gotta hook him
up with one of our clients.
Keep everything real.
Keep the synergy going.
Mm-hmm.
You know?
Do your thing, man.
Ray! Yeah, buddy.
So, we're, uh...
We're good for the interview
tomorrow at 2:00 P.M., yeah?
Great.
Aaron: Amongst Dr. Dubois'
strongest arguments
for viewing this time period
as a success
is the establishment
of public education in the south
for the very first time, yes?
And one of the most overlooked
aspects in du bois' critique
of the historical framing
of reconstruction
was how the negro thought
they'd be overlooked
when trying to sneak
into my class late.
That is the third time
this month.
Guys, come on.
This is a seminar, okay?
You can't get lost in the crowd.
I can literally see
every single one of you,
from Josiah,
who still pops his collar
for reasons we don't understand,
to Jonathan in the back,
who sleeps with his eyes open.
He thinks he's fooling us.
He's fooling no one.
And to Michelle
with the adult braces.
Yes, ma'am. [Lisping]
my name's Danielle.
That's what I said, Michelle.
Thank you so much.
Now, listen,
I don't tolerate lateness...
Not in my students
nor their assignments, okay?
My assignment's not late.
I just sent it to you.
[ Beeping ]
what do you...
Okay. Let's see.
[ Upbeat music playing ]
Annika: Oh, hello, there.
You're just in time for
my report on w.E.B. Du bois'
quintessential work,
"black reconstruction."
[ Jackhammer pounding,
wolf-whistles ]
Prior to its publishing
in 1935, it was widely felt
that reconstruction
had been a total fail.
This view was espoused in 1878
by James pike
in "the prostrate state."
[ Fart sound ]
gross.
That's offensive.
But it was propagated
by an overall
scholarly acceptance
of white supremacy
during a time of widespread
southern disenfranchisement
for most African-Americans
and a gang of caucasians.
[ Ding ]
rent is too damn high!
[ laughter ]
So good.
In 1929,
prominent black activist
and all-around bad bitch
Anna Julia Cooper asked...
♪ there's nothing wrong
with lovin' who you are ♪
♪ She said, "'cause
he made you perfect, babe" ♪
[ Door opens ]
Hey, roomie!
Welcome home
to your safe space.
[ Door closes ]
what the hell is this?
Well, I realized today
that I have never taken the time
to acknowledge you
for the strong,
Indian-American,
gay goddess that you are.
So I decided that, tonight,
we are gonna make it
room 212's first annual
ally appreciation night.
What's that smell?
Oh.
♪ Baby, I was born this way ♪
It's a vindaloo fondue.
I took all the curry spices
and mixed them
with a curated blend
of cheeses.
Why would you fill
a 200-square-foot room
with Indian food
and cheese?
Bro, don't worry!
We will crack a window
during the after-dinner movie.
I've got the 2016
glaad award-winning film "Carol"
ready for us to watch.
Bro, I don't want to watch
a lesbian love story
with you, ever.
And I'm not eating any of
your cheesy Indian hate crime.
Okay. I have tried.
I have really made an effort
to connect with you
and to make our dorm
a comfortable living space,
but you just don't
[bleep] with me, heavy!
You're right.
I don't [bleep] with you.
But everybody does!
Why are you so against
being my friend?
I don't want your lesbian love
fest or your anal organizing.
I don't want a bff,
and if I did, it wouldn't be
some silly-looking
straight dude like you. Sill...
I just want a roommate
that leaves me alone!
Fine! Okay!
You want me
to leave you alone.
Then I will just leave you
all the way alone.
We're done!
Good!
Great!
[♪]
Know what?
You don't deserve
this vindaloo.
[♪♪]
[ Door closes ]
[ ding! ]
- Come on, come on. Got 'im!
- Aaron: You saw that?
Yo, first the school
disrespects me,
then this freshman
disrespects me.
I'm beginning to not like this whole
adult-life thing. [ Shooting on screen ]
Yeah, I mean, it just
feels like it was easier
when we were in school,
kickin' it and playing
video games all day.
I mean, that's kind of
what we're doing right now.
With the crushing weight
of adulthood on our shoulders.
[ Door opens ]
Dudes, it is over for me
and zaara as friends...
[ door closes ]
...And maybe roommates.
But you know what?
I don't need her to like me.
How'd he get
in your apartment?
Well, Zoey made me
give him a key.
I even have to put a deadbolt on
the door when I'm taking a shower.
He has no respect
for boundaries.
What if I put in a request
for a room change?
What do you think
she'd think about that?
Nice.
Giving her what she wants.
That'll show her
who's boss.
Listen, freshman...
No, that's weird.
Junior. Listen, junior.
Having a crazy roommate is
a part of being in college.
Me and my freshman roommate,
we didn't even last a whole six months.
What happened?
I don't know.
Something about him not liking
my freestyle drumming,
which is ridiculous.
Yeah.
Anyway, the point is,
roommate drama's a part of it.
Just don't let it
throw you off your game.
You just need to
get with some people
who really
appreciate you.
Isn't... isn't the shirts
and skins party coming up?
Yeah.
Oh, uh, that naked party.
- Yeah.
- Is that a real thing?
Oh, it's real,
alright.
Absolutely.
And it's very ratchet.
Just ass and racks
on display for you.
Okay. I can get behind that.
Y'all going or...?
Oh, no.
Of course not, dude.
I'm a professor. Have
some respect. I'm grown.
[ Explosion ] whoa! Get the
bazooka! Get the bazooka!
Well, quit telling me how to
play the game and guard my six!
Okay. Good. Great.
I am going to a naked party.
Oh, that was close.
Hey, uh,
future brother-in-law,
is it cool if I crash
on this couch?
Seems like you guys
are pretty close
to wrapping
this game up, right?
Ahh.
Let me get the...
You need to change
the locks on your door.
You want to
get in on this?
I'm good, thank you.
Okay.
[♪]
♪ I'm sorry for... ♪
Yo, yo, yo.
Hey.
What's up?
What's going on, man?
Yo, I'm, uh...
I'm truly grateful for this job
opportunity, man, really.
Come on, bro. You know
we blood in and out the yard.
Yeah. And you've always
been a hard worker.
I can't knock your hustle.
Well, this is much appreciated.
And I've already been ruminating
on a couple ideas
for, you know,
your businesses.
You know, just some market
research and suggestions
for the next
three quarters,
guaranteed to
up your productivity
with minimal
investment, bro.
Listen. Uh, I think we got
our wires crossed, man.
I'm just looking for somebody
that's not afraid
to get they hands dirty.
That's all.
Oh, I'm ready to get
straight filthy.
I mean, you know...
As a bar back.
You really gonna slap me in the
face with a bar back position?
Well, it sounded like you
were in a real tight spot,
and it's all I got open
right now, so...
Alright.
Well, you can keep that open.
I didn't major in
scraping jalapeño poppers
off of party platters.
Later, man.
[♪]
Okay. Here we go.
I wish she would come in late.
Ooh, I wish she would. Come on.
Annika really about to come
into my office hours late?
[ Chuckles ] she does not know
who she's messing with. Mnh-mnh.
Good afternoon,
professor Jackson.
So nice of you
to carve out some time
in your busy schedule
to check in on me. What's up?
"What's up? What's up?"
have a seat, please.
I'll tell you what's up.
You made a mockery
of my assignment
and a mockery of the great
Dr. W.E.B. Du bois
by sending in
that bootleg tiktok
on some black
Reese Witherspoon ish.
I'm sorry...
My black reconstruction project
is anything but bootleg.
[♪]
These are what we
in the social-media world
like to call "analytics."
It tells us how many people
have seen our posts,
a.K.A. How many coins
we can snatch.
And this shows
how many views
my "bootleg" assignment has
right now.
That's the number right there?
100,988 views. Wow.
And counting. Since posted
less than 24 hours ago.
Not to mention
20,000-plus reposts
and 400,000-plus likes,
including one from cordae.
And that's not counting
the reposts of the reposts,
professor.
Okay. So, what?
Some rappers got behind it.
That's great and all.
You still dis...
No, no, no, no.
Not just rappers.
Real changemakers, like
Stacey Abrams, color of change,
and Rachel cargle
promoted it, too.
Rachel cargle?
Yep.
Now #black reconstruction
is trending,
right after #ririsfeet.
Okay. Alright.
You know what?
I'm gonna be honest.
When you came in here today,
I was ready to just...
Just humiliate you, really,
make an example out of you.
But you have given me
an idea.
Wait. I'm sorry.
Yeah.
You were gonna
humiliate me?
Oh, yeah.
It was gonna be bad.
Probably would've
gotten fired for it.
But we don't have to worry
about that.
Because you've inspired me.
Dismissed!
♪ Eh, yeah, we hot,
know how we do it ♪
♪ Comin' straight out
the fryin' pan ♪
♪ Top of the world, feelin'
just like I'm flyin', man, eh ♪
Junior: You know what?
Who cares if I have a roommate
who hates me?
I am a fun, likable guy,
and it is Wednesday night,
so I'm gonna have a fun time
at this shirts and skins party.
I mean, obviously,
it is still a school night,
so I will be leaving by 1:00,
but it's a hump day naked party!
So from now until... 12:59,
I'm gonna tear it up.
Bro.
What's going on?
Yo, I thought
this was a naked party.
It is, but it's split
into two areas...
Shirts...
[ dinging ]
...And inside, skins.
Ah.
This shirts section's
pretty packed, huh?
Yeah, very few
are brave enough
to venture
into the skins room.
I'll probably head in,
but I'm too sober right now.
Yo, do I need
to be oiled up?
I feel like a lot of people
are oiled up.
Chill, bro.
Let's get some
skins room courage.
Okay.
Together:
You've gotta be kidding me.
I specifically went out
the fire escape
to avoid running into you.
What are you
even doing here?
You just come to stand
in the corner and judge?
Um, I'm here to have fun
with my actual,
chosen friend, slick.
Ha! Your idea of fun
is studying for the sats.
[laughing] uh, I'm tripping
way too hard for this.
Trust me... you do not want
to air out dorm business
in these streets.
Mnh.
I do not have time for this.
Come on, Zeke.
Let's go into the skins room.
I know zaara doesn't have
the balls to go in.
Oh, my ovaries are bigger
than your "testicles"
will ever be.
You should get that
checked out.
[ Chuckles ]
yeah, sis.
Yeah!
What you about to do, bro?
Huh!
Shoot.
Ain't no thang.
Hold that for me.
[ Onlookers murmuring ]
[♪]
Unh-unh! No halfsies.
[♪]
[ Ding! ]
♪ let's go ♪
♪ let's go ♪
♪ You know what it is,
and you know what it isn't ♪
♪ Black sheep
don't need no Shepherd ♪
♪ Black sheep
don't need no Shepherd ♪
♪ Say it one time,
two times for the record ♪
♪ Black sheep
don't need no Shepherd ♪
♪ Black sheep
don't need no Shepherd ♪
Should we sit?
Um, do we put a towel
down first?
That guy didn't.
♪
Too comfy guy: You know, when
my parents split, I-I took it real hard.
I think that's why I have issues
opening up, ya know?
Oh!
No, thank you.
God, please, just
close back up. Oh, my...
Mnh.
[ chuckles ]
I don't know what I was
expecting a naked party to be,
but this is not it.
No.
You have beautiful eyes.
I keep getting lost in them.
Aw. Thanks. I... I keep getting
lost in... in yours, too.
Oh.
[ Crunch ]
[♪]
Ugh.
No.
Just leave it.
Bro, just let it go.
Oh.
Oh, that's so gross. That's
so gross. That's so gross.
Just get more guac.
♪
Ew. What kind of hair
do you think that is?
Could literally
be any kind.
[ Both laugh ]
Ohh...
Do you wanna bounce?
Yeah. Let's get the hell
out of here.
♪ Black sheep
don't need no Shepherd ♪
Yeah.
Boss moves only.
[ Cellphone rings and buzzes ]
Yo.
What's going on, pop?
Doug's dad: There he is! Too
busy to pick up your dad's calls, huh?
No, my bad. I've just had
so much stuff going on.
I told your moms you was
just loaded with work,
but you know she likes
to worry. Oh, I know.
We're both really proud
of you, son.
Your moms can't stop bragging
to the ladies at church.
It's...
It's really nothing.
But you know I'm always here
for you if you need anything.
Advice, money.
Anything.
Actually, I...
Nah, it's all good.
It's just nice to hear
your voice, pop.
If you think
you're proud of me now,
wait till you hear about this
new client I have in Brazil.
Zaara: No way!
Moist chip.
Junior: Yeah. Moist.
Soggy chip.
Oh, this one
broke apart.
You know what'd make
these nachos way better?
Mnh-mnh.
A dash of dude's
chest hairs.
Revolting.
If I wasn't gay already,
I definitely am now.
Mm. It was like
a butcher's shop in there.
Just meat swinging to and fro,
back and forth.
You know, honestly,
I did not peg you
for someone who would go
to a naked party.
I am full of surprises.
No, you're not.
No, I'm not.
But I'm also
not closed-minded.
Look, if I was roommates
with somebody who didn't have
any black friends, I think
I'd be a bit wary of them, too.
It bothers me that
I don't have gay friends
and that I've never
even thought about it.
So I get why
you don't like me.
It's not that.
Balancing school and
my internship at the hospital
has been a struggle.
My whole life has been running
towards becoming a doctor,
and I feel like I'm tripping
at the starting line.
But what if this isn't
just a rough start?
What if I'm just
not cut out for this?
Hey, as someone that
you've been pretty hard on,
I think I can say you're
being too hard on yourself.
I literally dropped out
of college on my first day,
so trust me...
I understand
what it means
to get off to a rough start.
You dropped out
one day into college?
This isn't about me!
I'm just saying,
I understand pressure,
and I know
what it can do to you.
So if something is bugging you,
just let me know,
and I'll do what I can.
Anything?
Anything.
Can I borrow
your earbuds?
I legit have no idea
where I put mine.
Oh, you know what?
Keep them.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
Thanks!
Want to listen to something
together on our walk back?
Great. Let me just type
"queer Indian doctor play list"
into my Spotify.
If I didn't know
you were joking,
I would punch your penis
back into your body.
Wow.
That is harsh.
You're really harsh
with the insults.
Come on, man.
You've got this. Alright?
You got nothing to lose.
If the school
isn't gonna listen to you,
you gotta make them
listen to you.
Gotta make this university live
up to its pledge of diversity,
and what you have to say
is more important
than any teen dance challenge.
Alright. Here we go.
What are you doing, though?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Y-you're a professor, damn it.
A professor!
You've worked your whole life
for this!
Got a 401(k).
You're gonna embarrass yourself.
[ Ding! ]
Just quit being a bitch
and do it.
Ohh. You calling me a bitch?
[ Chuckles ]
alright. Heard ya.
[ Breathes deeply ]
Wakanda forever.
[ Panther snarls ]
[ beep ]
Hey. How you guys doing?
Professor Aaron Jackson here,
and today I'm going to be rating
Cal u's faculty diversity
by department.
[ Ding! ]