Grown-ish (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 5 - Girls Like You - full transcript

When you're living with

your best friends for the first time,

it's everything you could've
hoped for and more.

Every night is like a stony,

snack-filled sleepover with your crew.

You also end up learning about

your friends'... domestic habits.

Will you look at this and tell
me if the color's too dark?!

_

Mm.

Ugh.



But things can get kind of awkward

when it comes to your
friend' bigger issues.

I knew Nomi was a player,
but this is next-level.

Is homegirl starting a cult?

We need to talk.

Is this about the Crispy Wheats?

How do you get nine cents per wheat?

Because it feels so high.

It's so worth it, though,
because it's like a combination

- of gluten and magic.
- Mm-hmm.

No, this is about the,
um, morning and nightly

and sometimes midafternoon slut walks

- happening in our apartment.
- Oh. Mm.

Whoa, there. Let's... Let's not
start calling each other sluts.



No, no, no, it's okay, Zoey.

Women are taking back "slut."

You're a slut, you're a slut, I'm
a slut. We can all be sluts.

I meant slut in the way you
would want me to take it back.

- Noted.
- Okay. Look, we're just having

a-a volume issue and a volume issue.

- Girl, you smash too loud.
- Just a little too loud.

Oh.

Look, we're not mad at you, right?

- I'm not mad at you.
- Okay.

It's just, having these bodies

roam the halls every night

is starting to throw off the vibe

and the energy of our apartment.

Yeah, but Luca's literally
here every day and night.

But, like, Luca doesn't
really inconvenience you.

He doesn't eat our food, he
doesn't use your shampoo,

and, plus, he's a very quiet lover.

And, Nomi, this week alone,
there's been like, what,

- eight different women in here?
- Eight.

- Was it eight?
- I mean, geez,

I thought lesbians, like,
eloped to Portland

after the first date.

Okay. You need to update
your lesbian stereotypes.

Also, reminder, I'm bisexual.

And those women weren't
even lesbians. They're straight.

- Huh.
- They're straight?

H-How... How does that even work?

I mean, pretty easily.

Women in college all want to explore,

and I provide a first-class
quality experience.

I'm discrete, I take the lead,
and they have an amazing time.

And the best part is,
I get to forget them

and they never, like, ever forget me.

You're a monster.

Well, I... I think that

the s-services you're
providing are great.

You're like the Ritz-Carlton
of the lesbian experience.

- I like that.
- But, you know,

if you could go over to their place

a few nights in the week,

that would be much appreciated.

Sure. Done.

- Thank you. Thank you.
- Yeah.

Starting tomorrow.

- Okay.
- Totally.

Making progress.

Yo, Torres.

What's up with that
petty-ass Venmo request

for pizza toppings from the other night?

Oh, I'd never put pineapple on pizza,

- so I'm not gonna pay for it.
- Oh.

So, not only are you cheap,
you have a deprived palate?

Oh, please do not do that
thing that people do

when you haven't tried
something and they overreact.

- I'm not gonna do that, okay?
- Thank you.

I was just gonna say
that I cannot believe

you've never had pineapple on pizza.

- It's like you've not lived yet.
- I'm living right now,

and my life is totally fine
without hot fruit in it.

Okay, well, I feel sad
for you, honestly.

You want a ride?

No, no. I don't do scooters.

They're the pineapple
pizza of transportation.

What? The...

Oh, man. Wow. Fix
your life, girl. Please.

- Okay.
- Whoa.

- Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
- It's not funny.

I'm gonna be late for class.

- Can I just...
- Fix your life!

♪ Yeah ♪

Twerk Burger. What that mouth do?

- Huh?
- Oh, my God.

Damn, I can go for a
Twerk Burger right now.

Mm. They got that Twerky sauce.

Look, it's hard to deny the goodness

that is the Double D
meal at Twerk Burger,

but as a civilized
society, we have to agree

that this commercial
is pandering trash...

But what that mouth do?

Aimed at the lowest
common denominator.

Sorry.

And with that, I will
see you all next class.

I don't know, guys.

Is it pandering?

Or is it a company knowing its audience?

Horny 19-year-olds, wildly
attractive young men

who, for whatever reason,
can't find love with a woman,

but can always find it between
the patties of a Twerk Burger.

- Ain't that right, ma?
- Bitch, I will slap you.

Okay, the point is that,
it's just patriarchal,

toxic, male fantasy crap.

Says the biggest misogynist in the room.

I'm a woman. I can't be a misogynist.

- Hey, Professor Hewson?
- Yeah?

Hi. Quick question.

Can a woman be a misogynist?

Well, I guess if she's actively
working against her own gender.

But, uh, I don't know, I'd
have to have context.

Well, how about a woman
that's running through ladies

like she's a fourth member of Migos?

Well, that wasn't me
looking for context.

Um, but I-I think that it has less to do

with the amount of women
and more about why

she's running through
them like the Migos.

But, you know, you have to
unpack the motivation a bit.

Anyway, you all know my office hours.

Don't feel like you have to use them.

I'm not a misogynist.

Yeah, of course you're
not, because a misogynist,

by definition, hates women,
and Nomi does nothing

but love women loudly and
repetitively in our apartment.

- Yes.
- Well, misogynist or not,

she's acting like a gross,

womanizing, yacht-riding Leo
DiCaprio in a wrap skirt.

Hey, I don't see what the big deal is.

Nobody gives guys crap for
running through girls.

That's because for dudes,

there's nothing really behind it.

- It is what it is.
- It's just fun busting nuts.

Exactly. Thank you. It's just fun.

All three of you are monsters.

Especially you.

Esp... Why? Because women aren't allowed

to enjoy busting nuts?

No, it's because you're a
woman who's exclusively

busting whatever with straight women.

Oh.

Is someone mad 'cause
they were too sloppy

to remember our drunken kiss last year?

- Huh?
- Wait. They kissed last year?

- Yep.
- Nomi, please.

- Wow.
- This is about you presenting yourself

as some enlightened feminist

when you're turning and burning
straight girls like a dude.

Or lovingly appreciating women.

And although they identify as straight,

we all know sexuality is a spectrum.

Yo, I hate to side with Ana on this,

I really do, but smashing
only one type of person

is like a dude targeting virgins.

It's low-key problematic.

Actually, it's high-key problematic.

- And predatory.
- And pre...

Okay, so now I'm a
misogynistic predator.

You know, screw this. I'm out of here.

What if we all just agreed to
love and respect women equally?

♪ YesAllWomen.

Remember we all went
to a march together,

wore our hats, made a sign.

It had a pun on it.

_

Guys, come on.

It's Korean hand mask and
weed brownie Thursday.

I'm up for a Korean hand mask.

- No.
- You're right.

So, my roommates are still fighting,

but I'm trying to get
back to glitter masks

and indica brownies,

because between all of the
exfoliation and great sleep,

I'm glowing.

But now it's time for me to hop
into other people's business

and fix this.

Well, you don't have to spend

your night out with a "predator."

About that... um, I know what Ana said

- was upsetting and rude...
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

And not to make any
sort of excuses for her,

but I feel like we should
take into consideration

the fact that she's never
really lived with anyone

- who's so radically different from her.
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah. You know what?

I actually didn't come
here to talk about this.

I just want to be mad right
now and get drunk enough

to maybe sucker punch a freshman.

Fair point. And, well,

t-that sounds like a great idea.

Why don't you grab a table,
I'll get some drinks,

look for an unsuspecting freshman?

Find a way home.

- Oh!
- Heck, yeah. Here we go.

- Thank you, sir.
- Really, Aaron?

- Really?
- Come on, look,

you've had a tough day. Let
me make your life better,

- please.
- Uh, you can make it better

by keeping that
contradiction away from me.

- Will you just try it?
- No.

Look, I know you like trying new stuff.

Like, uh, when you
sucked homegirl's face.

- Hey-o!
- Oh!

- Wow!
- Yeah. Wait, wait.

What was that about?

Are you out here Janelle
Monáe-ing in these streets?

- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my gosh, you guys.

It was one time, I was really drunk,

and I'd never done it before,
so I was like, "Why not?"

- Sure.
- Girl, your "Never Have I Ever" list

is long and sad:

never skinny-dipped,
never worn a turtleneck,

never seen a doctor who's
not your pediatrician.

- Never worn a turtleneck?
- What? You know what?

Don't sit here acting like

I'm the only one that hasn't done stuff.

This one over here has
never shotgunned a beer.

- That's true. That's weird.
- I've never...

You haven't done that yet.

And that's mostly embarrassing,
because you've actually

been in college a year
longer than all of us have.

- Right?
- That's so true! I forgot!

- Whatever.
- Ohh!

I've never gotten white-girl wasted.

- What?!
- What?!

- Really?
- No, you haven't.

I never let the haters get to me. Mm!

- All right.
- Well, maybe you should.

Yeah.

Okay, wait, wait. So, that's what
we're gonna do tonight, guys.

We are all gonna do something

we have never done before. Yeah?

- Okay.
- Yep. Cheers to that.

- Cheers to that!
- Cheers to that!

I'm in!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, get in!
- It'll be fun. It'll be fun.

All right, Torres, you're up first.

- No, that's not fun.
- What that mouth do?

- It'll be fun.
- Come on.

Ew.

- Yay!
- Delicious.

Oh, hey, Zoey? This is Angela.

She got stood up by
some dumb Tinder guy.

I should've known better.

His profile said he's
CEO of "Me Industries."

Oof. Well, dumb Tinder guy messed up,

because you are killing
it in that blue sweater.

Thank you. It's actually "cerulean."

And anytime I wear it, I feel like...

Anne Hathaway in "The
Devil Wears Prada"?

Yes! Oh, my God.

That is one of my favorite movies ever.

Yeah, because it's cinematic perfection.

I personally like "Princess Diaries"

as my favorite Anne Hathaway movie.

While I sat there sipping
my second Midori Sour,

feeling like the third wheel,
I watched Nomi in action.

Her small talk wasn't like the
small talk guys do with girl.

She connected with them in
a way only a woman could.

Oh, my God. I dated a
dude just like that.

Like, total gas-lighting dick.

- Thank you.
- Mnh-mnh.

- He made me feel like I was crazy.
- No.

She was insightful, practically psychic,

funny, and charismatic.

She had that thing that
makes you feel like

you're the only person
she wants to be with.

But I knew the truth.

This wasn't the only person
she wanted to be with,

which is what made Nomi's
superpower so dangerous.

- And I feel like... Oh.
- Hey, sorry to interrupt...

Um, but I think I'm gonna head out.

- You coming with?
- No, you're good, you're good.

Anyway, I was...

Sometimes when it feels like...

So, this is what she meant by
sucker punching a freshman.

Hmm.

3, 2, 1, go!

Oh, my God!

Mmm.

- Ew!
- Oh!

- Whoo!
- What'd it feel like?

♪ Baby, I might compare you ♪

♪ To a kiss from a rose on the gray ♪

♪ Ooh, the more I get of you,
the stranger it feels, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

As I struggle to eat my
Double Twerky with cheese

while wearing Korean hand masks,

anticipating an exciting evening

of experimenting with my
new Fenty highlighters,

I was trying not to be too judgmental

about Nomi's behavior.

But seeing her in action, I found myself

definitely drifting into
the judgy territory.

Hey, Nomi? Can we talk for a second?

- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- Thank you.

Just... I'll be right back.

What's up?

So, it seems like you and
Angela really hit it off.

Oh, yeah, we did. She's, um...

She's a Capricorn but
like a Scorpio rising,

so, uh, I'm in for a wild night.

Okay. But what about after that?

In for a wild tomorrow?

Dude, are you, like, on some
Ana bullshit or something?

No, it just feels like
you draw these women in,

because you obviously know
how they think and feel.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Well,
that's kind of the point.

Right. But... it feels unfair,

like you have some sort of
cheat codes or something.

So? What, are you... you faulting me

'cause I have, like, better
game than a dude, or...?

No, G... I'm for sure not
faulting you for that.

So, that girl's only in my room

'cause she wants to be in my room.

All right, great.

Well, then, if that's the case,
why don't you go in there

and tell her that you're
gonna ghost her tomorrow?

Dumb Tinder guy just texted me.

- Uh-huh.
- Apparently, his deejay class got out late.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, you know,
it could take a while

to learn how to push buttons and yell,

"You already know what it is!"

Um... I wanna be up front with you.

I'm not really looking
for anything serious.

And, uh, the chances of
me calling you tomorrow,

or ever, are slim.

Uh...

Sounds good to me.

It's not like I was
looking to take you home

to Mom and Dad or anything.

Yeah.

Right.

It's been the best night of my life.

I didn't know my voice had the ability

- to capture an audience like that.
- Yeah, man.

- I know.
- See?

Felt like I was being held captive.

That's funny.

- Good night!
- See you guys.

Night, dude.

Still haven't ridden
one of those things.

Well, then, our work here isn't done.

- Come on.
- Okay.

Okay, hold on.

All right.

It is not that fast, yo.

Safe and sound.

Thank you.

Thanks for the ride.

No prob.

Vivek wasn't wrong. This...

- This was a pretty great night.
- Yeah.

And I suppose the
pineapple was okay, too.

- Oh, just okay?
- Whatever, dude.

- You ate nine pieces.
- Okay, then,

I guess I'm not always
right about everything.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I, uh, better head out.

Okay.

I'm gonna Venmo request
you about this ride, too.

- Don't think I'm not.
- Hey, what's fair is fair.

- All right, good night.
- Good night.

What the hell?

Okay.

- Now, it's a perfect night.
- How did the thing just stop?

You probably just turned it on wrong.

- Oh, so now you're an expert?
- Yeah.

You know, there's one more
thing I haven't done before.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

What's that?

Come on in.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I took your advice. Yeah,
I was honest with her.

And?

She was still down to hook up.

Well, that... that's good.

Yeah, I guess.

I mean, until she said she had no plans

of taking me home to her mom and dad.

But that's what you wanted, right?

Yeah.

I think so. I don't know.

I did, until she said that,

and then it just, like...
it kind of messed me up.

So, you telling me you caught
real feelings for this girl,

- by any chance?
- No. No, I did not catch feeling for her.

I just... I think that,

it's, like, when she said to me

what I've been saying to
all these other girls...

suddenly, everything
felt really, um, wrong.

- Yeah.
- So, now what?

- As much as I wished I did...
- Um...

I didn't have any answers for Nomi,

so I just listened.

And the next day,

Nomi decided to sit down with someone

who could help her a little
better than I could.

Well, hooking up with a bunch of girls

doesn't sound like compulsive behavior.

Sounds like college.

Okay, but as a gender studies professor,

what would you say about a girl who...

only hooks up with straight girls?

Hmm.

I would say, let's cut
right through the bullshit

and talk gay woman to bi-woman.

- How did you know that?
- I have good bi-dar.

Now, look, I went through
a straight girl phase.

Mm-hmm.

And for me, it was about safety.

Mm-hmm.

'Cause there was no chance of
anything ever getting serious.

Yes. No, exactly.

It's like, there's no relationship,
so there's no feelings,

there's no bringing them
back home at Thanksgiving

and be like, "Hey, Mom and Dad,
here's my new girlfriend."

You know, and then they,
like, spit Manischewitz

all over the table and...

So, then I take it your parents

are not okay with you being bi?

Um... the truth is, they don't know.

That's, um... That's
the problem, isn't it?

- I'm not a therapist.
- Mm-hmm.

But it made my life easier

when I started living
openly and honestly.

Hmm.

So, maybe you start there

and just see how the rest of
the stuff falls into place.

Yeah.

Okay, here's your bravery test.

Well, maybe not too big today.

How about just a little
tree that lives right here?

Hey.

You look happier.

Yeah, it was cool. I mean, it was, like,

great to talk to somebody who
kind of gets it, you know?

- Yeah, you know, I'm so proud of you.
- Thank you.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna go
back and keep talking to her

- and make her, like, a Migos playlist.
- Hmm. Quality.

Hmm? Oh.

I'm sorry I judged your choices.

Apparently, I'm not always
right about everything.

So, while it was obvious
that there was work to do

to get through the bigger issue,

those bigger issues helped
put the smaller ones

into perspective.

Okay, be honest.

This dude, if he had corn
rows, would you hit it?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, right?

- The dude's soothing, so...
- Why? Do you know him?

Do I know Bob Ross? No, I mean...

I... No, I don't. Sorry.

♪ No, no, there's no way ♪

♪ No, no, no, no way ♪

♪ I'm living without you ♪

- ♪ I'm not living without you ♪
- What the...?

Did you guys know they could do this?

Dude, I don't even think
I've heard Sky speak before.

♪ I don't wanna be free ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I'm staying, I'm staying ♪

♪ And you and you and you ♪

Oh, my God. We can't.
It's so embarrassing.

Oh, God. Okay.

𝒯𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓉e 𝓊𝓃𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓉 E𝒩𝒢LI𝒮H