Growing Pains (1985–1992): Season 4, Episode 19 - Show Ninety: Who Knew? - full transcript

Carol: Wait, I can't hear you.

TV: Ok Paul.I understand about the Nazi thing, but why are you guys wearing red platted skirts?It's not a skirt, it's a jumper.

Carol: Ben, I can't hear a word Sandy's saying.

Ben: Shhh.

Carol: I'm just trying to carry on a simple conversation here.

TV: Why do you shave your head?I don't.Crusty does.

Mike: Hey dad.Would you please check out my homework assignment?What did I say?

Jason: What did you say?Mike in twelve years you've never asked me to check out your homework.I don't know what to say.

Mike: Well I just want you to check out the grade I got on this psychology assignment.

Jason: Sure.Yeah great.Hey this means a lot to me.You have no idea.For you to come to...a C minus!

Mike: Yeah.That's what I want to talk about.



Jason: I wait twelve years.I get a C minus.

Mike: Dad, look.I worked my butt off for that grade, you know.I mean I should havedeserved a B.I think the teacher just hates me.You're a psychiatrist.Would you just check my answers?

Jason: Wo.You even remember what I do for a living.I better sit down.

Mike: You know when Theo has a problem, Bill Cosby never jokes.

Mike: This is a psych class, not a spelling class.I mean the point is I put down the right answers.It's when a guy wants to date his mum.

Ben: Then you're in luck.It's guys who date their mums, we call the Donahue.

Mike: There's never any mustard around when you are in the mood for something oedipo.

Julie: Mike, dinners in the oven, so don't fill up on all of that.

Mike: Look.I'm just trying to get something to eat.Would that be ok with you?

Julie: Well excuse the holy heck out of me.

Mike: Hey.You cursed at me.Hey look Julie, come on.I didn't mean to snap at you.It's just that, I don't know, ever had one of those days when you just feel completely...

Julie: All the time.

Julie: and then I just think about you, and I feel better.

Mike: Really?



Julie: Really.

Mike: Ahh.Hey, how about that.I feel better.I'd love to feel great.

Julie: Mike.Your dad's in the living room.You don't want him to find out about us.

Mike: Right, right, right.But we're still going to study together tonight at your place, right?

Julie: You bet.

Mike: Right.

Julie: The key word is study.

Mike: The key word for me was together.Of course, the other key word was your place.Actually that is two key words; your and place, but uh...

Julie: I'll see you at seven.

Mike: Ok.

Julie: And this time, bring your books.

Jason: Hey Mike, look I know you are upset and...

Mike: About what?Oh, oh, right.You better believe I'm upset dad.You know this C minus really makes me miss the days when I never studied and got crummy grades.

Jason: Yeah.That was some great times.

Mike: You know back then, I would have paid big bucks for a C minus.A couple of times I did.

Jason: Pardon me.

Mike: Just an expression dad.

Jason: Hey Mike, I'm just pleased that you are now trying for good grades.I mean that alone is quite an accomplishment for somebody with your pitiful academic record.I mean that as a compliment.

Mike: Hey dad, Professor Rosenfeld is a complete bozo.

Mike: I have no idea what you just said.

Jason: Well let me be more precise.

Mike: Hey, it doesn't matter because I am dropping that class tomorrow.

Jason: You are going to drop Psychology?My first love.

Mike: I have been working hard all semester.Really working, but I just can't seem to please this guy.I mean he says I have to hand in all this make-up work tomorrow, just to bring my C minus up to a C.

Jason: Yeah, well I had a teacher like Rosenfold in college too.A real stickler for detail.His name was Doctor Hancock.I didn't even want to tell you what we used to call him.It took me years to figure out that he was just trying to get the best out of me.I think you'll realize that too.Just don't give up the class.

Mike: Well if you think that...

Jason: Hey for the rest of your life you're going to find people who are tough on you when you don't really deserve it.I mean first of all it's a teacher, then it's going to be a co working, then a boss and finally a wife.

Maggie: What about a wife?

Jason: I was just telling Mike that without a wife, life would be impossible.

Maggie: Well thank you honey.

Jason: You're welcome my darling.

Mike: Boy, and the wonder where I get it.

Maggie: Ok Jason, you looked at Mike's homework.Was it graded unfairly?

Jason: Mike's answers are imprecise.I told him that in college, especially psychology, it requires a certain clarity that he's not used to.Yes he needs to have an ability to communicate clearly, without the hyperbole, which while acceptable before is now clearly unclear.

Maggie: I have no idea what you just said.

Jason: It's like in kindergarten.Remember how mike used to complain that Mrs.Kling made him work with the hardest clay.Then I went down there and I pointed out "Mike, your little piles just as soft as the other kids".I've done it again.

Maggie: Pardon me.

Jason: Well I just told him that all through his life he's going to run into people that make it tough for him over ways he's doesn't even deserve.First of all it's going to be a teacher, then a boss, then a coworker, finally it's a wife-fool ourselves, life's tough!You had to be there.

Maggie: I was.

Jason: I told him about Dr Hancock.Remember?Remember how I hated that guy, then I grew to respect him, yea revere him.

Maggie: Revere him!Jason you still hate him and you wouldn't even shake his hand at the reunion.And ha ha ha you called him that awful nickname.

Jason: Maggie, I was parenting.Don't muddy things up with the way they really happened.

Maggie: Oh Jason, you still haven't really answered my question.Is he going to drop the class, or what?

Jason: Hey, right now he's up in his apartment, he doing his make up assignment and he's leaned a valuable lesson.

Maggie: You're sure about that?

Mike: Hey dad.

Jason: You're supposed to be studying for your psychology make up assignment.

Mike: Ah, yeah, yeah.I did it.Yeah it's right here dad.Just give me a minute.

Jason: Come on, Cut the drama.I know you've been out goofing around.

Mike: I have not been goofing around.I was studying with Juuuuuuwish people.

Jason: What?

Mike: Yeah.And some Christians and uh, some atheists and Muslims.Hey, education has no religion.

Jason: Obviously my little talk with you meant nothing Mike.

Mike: Ah ha.Here it is.I knew I didn't leave it at herrrrrrbies.

Jason: Who's Herbie?

Mike: Ah, he's ah, he's that Jewish guy that I was studying with.Weren't you listening?

Jason: Let me see that.

Jason: You actually finished your makeup assignment.

Mike: Yeah.

Jason: Want a cookie?

Mike: No thanks.I, urm, had a big meal over at, urm, it would be safer if I went to thebathroom.

Jason: So I'm not crazy.I'm getting to that boy after all.That's good, good, bad bad bad.Mike come on.You've got to double check your answers here before you turn them in.

Mike: Hey what's the point?Rosenfelds got it in for me.

Jason: He doesn't have it in for you Mike.He's got it in for sloppy work.Remember that clay in kindergarten?

Mike: Hey I still say Miss Kling stuck me with stiff clay.

Jason: How am I going to get you to understand?Well, let's show him what kind of grade precise answers get.Hu.Try that.Jason: Hey Ben.What's up?

Ben: Well I need some help with my math homework.

Jason: Sure.Just a second.Oh but I got to talk to Mike first.Just stand by.

Ben: As long as I can eat.

Jason: So, how did you do in that psychology makeup assignment?

Maggie: Not well, I cut class today.How you doing Ben?

Ben: Standing by.

Jason: I thought you were Mike.

Maggie: Well, you were pretty close.He was behind me at the stop light.Why what's going on?Hi Mike.

Jason: So how did that darn psychology make up go?

Mike: I ate it.He gave me a D.

Jason: Ah ha ha.And why do you suppose he gave you such a goo...a D!

Mike: Yeah I know.I should have deserved at least a B.

Jason: Well never mind a B, you should have gotten an A.

Maggie: Oh Jason, let's not get carried away here.

Jason: No, I tell you.All of these answers are correct.

Mike: You bet they are.

Jason: I know they are.I wrote them.

Mike and Maggie: What?

Jason: Mike Seaver didn't get a D here.Doctor Jason Seaver did.

Maggie: You wrote Mike's Psychology answers and got a D?

Jason: Well...

Mike: You don't know this stuff and you are charging people?

Jason: All of these answers are correct.I don't understand it.

Mike: Well I do.If my name is on that paper, right answers are marked wrong.

Maggie: Mike, you are getting carried away here.This is the clay thing all over again.

Mike: Hey look mum.You can argue with me, but you can't argue with this.Dad, I wasn't sure about dropping this course until today, but I can't thank you enough.

Jason: This should have worked Maggie.It was a great idea.

Maggie: How much do you charge your patients?

Jason: Ah ha.

Maggie: Jason, it's two o'clock in the morning.What are you doing?

Jason: Maggie, I just looked up every single one of the questions on Mike's assignment and every one of my answers is absolutely one hundred percent correct.

Maggie: So that means that Mike is right about this professor being unfair.

Jason: Well he could be.Or it could be something else, like maybe a teacher's assistant graded this paper.Well I was a TA, I graded undergraduate papers, and I didn't know what I was doing.

Maggie: You sure didn't.Jason, I want to go down and give this bozo professor a piece of my mind.

Jason: Maggie, come on.This is college.How is Mike going to feel if his mummy goes down to talk to the professor?

Maggie: He'd be embarrassed.

Jason: Embarrassed!Come on, he's still bitter about the scene I made over the clay.Talking to the teacher would be absolutely the wrong thing to do.

Jason: Excuse me.Hi I'm Jason Seaver.I would like to talk to you about my son.

Janitor: Ok.

Jason: Speaking colleague to colleague, I think it's important for him to be exposed at least to the excitement and the wonder of our field.

Janitor: I couldn't agree more.

Jason: Well I'm just afraid that he's going to drop out without giving it a fair shot.

Janitor: Ah, well that would be a shame.But colleague to colleague, if your kid don't want to be a janitor why push him.

Jason: A janitor.

Janitor: Yo doctor.

Jason: You are Dr Rosenfeld?

Rosenfeld: Yes.

Jason: I'm uh, I'm Jason Seaver.I'm Michael Seaver's dad.

Rosenfeld: Mike Seaver.Mike Seaver.

Jason: Yes.He's in your intro to psych class.Curly hair, funny kid.

Rosenfeld: Well I've got three hundred students in that lecture class.At least a hundred of them have curly hair.All of them think they are very funny.

Jason: I bet.Well I just came here to maybe clear up a little misunderstanding over his make up assignment.

Rosenfeld: Excuse me, but I always like to make a note when something bizarre happens.

Jason: Bizarre.

Rosenfeld: Preposterous, ludicrous, queer.

Jason: Yes, I know what it means.Yes.

Rosenfeld: In all my years as a college professor, I've never had a parent teacher conference.

Jason: Oh well don't think of me as a parent.

Rosenfeld: Oh, so you're not a parent?

Jason: No, no, yes I am a parent.But I would like to talk to you, if I may, colleague to colleague.

Rosenfeld: Colleague!

Jason: Equal, comrade, peer.

Rosenfeld: Associate, co-agiter, messmate.I could go on.

Jason: I wish I had a little book to write in.I am a psychiatrist.

Rosenfeld: Oh, well why didn't you say so?Please sit down sir.Sit down, that's wonderful.Are you an educational psych?

Jason: No, private practice.

Rosenfeld: Oh, that's great.I almost went that route myself.

Jason: Well, just invest in a leather couch here and you are half way there.

Rosenfeld: Pipe?

Jason: No, I don't smoke.Thank you.

Rosenfeld: Neither do I.So, doctor Seaver, what's on your mind?

Jason: Well, it's this darn makeup assignment in psych.It seems that you, more likely one of your teacher's assistance, may have misgraded it.

Rosenfeld: Misgraded?

Jason: Yeah, like right there.This one.

Rosenfeld: I don't use TA's and I don't misgrade papers.If there's a crimson check mark next to it, it's wrong.

Jason: Wrong, no believe me.This one's not wrong.I checked this one carefully.

Rosenfeld: So did I.

Jason: Ok, well let me show you here.For example; A) Freudian analysis B)Youngian analysis C)Transactional analysis D) A and B but not C E) A and C but not B F) B and C but not A G) All of the above.E is clearly the right answer, and yet it's marked wrong.

Rosenfeld: It's not as much wrong as it is imprecise.

Jason: Imprecise?

Rosenfeld: Ambiguous, unclear.

Jason: Yes, I know what it means.Yes, how is that imprecise?

Rosenfeld: Well the correct answer is D) A and B but not C.Of course if the study in Paris goes the other way, I will consider changing the answer, but we'll have to wait until spring of 94.

Jason: Uh hu.Ok, look at number five.The correct answer is checked B.Hyperkinesias is a physiological and psychological disorder.It's marked wrong.

Rosenfeld: Sure.Because it is wrong.

Jason: Since when?

Rosenfeld: Since Dr Kurtenbowers recent project with white rats.

Jason: Pardon me?

Rosenfeld: I'm sorry, I can see where your point of view might be considered correct, in some circles.

Jason: Ok, and so we are both right.

Rosenfeld: Yeah.But I'm teaching the class, which makes me more right.

Jason: What?

Rosenfeld: Dr Seaver, how can I say this?I suggest that you are looking at your son's work through a father's eyes and not through the eyes of a competent professional.Which of course I'm sure you are in your own little world.

Jason: I'm not looking at my sons work that way.

Rosenfeld: Yes you are.

Jason: Am not.

Rosenfeld: Yes you are.

Jason: AM not.

Rosenfeld: Are are are.

Jason: Am not, not, not.Look, this is not my sons work bob, pal, best mate.I wrote these answers myself.

Rosenfeld: Well then I definitely should re-evaluate this grade.

Jason: Thank you very much.I should hope so.You are using a red pen.

Rosenfeld: No.Crimson.

Julie: Just a minute.I'm coming.

Mike: Flowers for Julie Costello.

Julie: Who are they from?

Mike: Your secret boyfriend.

Julie: Maurice?

Mike: No, the other one.

Mike: How would you like to stand on the wind blown deck of the Stanton island ferry and watch the sun go down and the lights of Manhattan come up?

Julie: Uh.Would you be with me?

Mike: Of course I'd be with you.

Julie: Then I don't want to go.

Mike: What?

Julie: Mike, you can't keep ignoring your problems in psych class.

Mike: I'm not.I'm dropping the class.

Julie: You're what?But you...

Mike: Listen listen.Before you say another word, do you remember how I asked you to constantly remind me to study?

Julie: Yeah.

Mike: Well I no longer want you to do that anymore.

Julie: Why?

Mike: Because you constantly remind me to study.

Julie: But you said...

Julie: Ok, I'll get my coat.

Mike: Ok.I even made dinner reservations.

Julie: Well this will be fun.And it's good that we're spending time together now.

Mike: What do you mean now?

Julie: Well you'll have to make up this class, and that pretty much takes care of our summer plans, and...they were great plans.

Mike: Well maybe I was being a little over hasty.

Julie: Do you think so?

Mike: Yeah, yeah.I mean hey, I'm half way through the semester already ad if I can just hang in there a couple more weeks,

Julie: Well if that's what you want to do...

Mike: Oh yeah, Oh yeah.I should study.But uh, I left my books at home, so listen, we are going to have to go out another night.Ok.

Julie: And I was looking so forward to going out tonight.

Mike: Hey mum.

Maggie: Hey Mike.I thought you were eating out.

Mike: So did I.What's for dinner?

Maggie: That's what id like to know.Have you seen your father?

Mike: Many times.

Maggie: He didn't make anything for dinner.

Mike: Hey mum, between the two of us, I think the man's slipped a clog.

Maggie: No, no, no honey.He has always been that way.

Jason: Hello.I brought a hummus for everyone.

Maggie: You might be on to something.

Jason: Ok, why beat around the bush.

Mike: Bush?

Jason: Shrub, small tree, president of the United States.

Maggie: You're definitely on to something.

Jason: I'll be the first to concede that things didn't go exactly as I'd planned.

Maggie: What things?

Jason: Ok, I'll tell you.But keep in mind there is some good news.All the way at the end.

Maggie: Why don't we come right to the good news.

Jason: The good news is I believe in Mike.

Mike: Thank you.

Maggie: And the other news?

Jason: I met your psychology professor today.

Mike and Maggie: What?

Maggie: You went down there after telling me not to.

Mike: Dad, that is the worst thing you could possibly have done.

Jason: That's exactly what I told your mother.

Mike: I can't believe this.My daddy goes to see my college professor!How am I supposed to show my face there again?

Jason: Mike, come on.I didn't go down there as your father.I went down as a colleague.Alright, I see you are having trouble making the distinction here, right?

Mike: You didn't bring him hummus, did you?

Jason: No.

Mike: Well good, because I got to go face that guy in the morning.

Jason: I thought you gave up that class.

Mike: I changed my mind.

Jason: What did you do that for Mike?You were right about that guy.He's a bozo.You're never going to get a fair shake.

Maggie: Jason, what are you doing?

Jason: Trust me.

Maggie: Not a chance.

Mike: I was half way through the semester.I just have to make up that D I got on the make up assignment.

Jason: Yeah, well I told him that all the answers on that test were correct.And so, um, you don't exactly have a D on it anymore.

Maggie: Uh oh!What do you mean?

Mike: You mean you got him to change my grade?Alright dad.Wow.You can embarrass me any day.

Jason: Ok, I'll be frank.And I also, while I was there I mentioned that I'd, I said to him that, I, I myself wrote the answers, and so, uh, he changed your grade and you have an F.

Maggie: What?

Mike: What?

Jason: It wasn't part of the plan Maggie.

Maggie: Oh Jason, you shouldn't have even had a plan.

Mike: Oh, so now I've got to go and work off an F?

Jason: Oh what, like you've never had an F before.

Maggie: Jason!

Jason: I'm sorry.I'm upset.I've never had an F before.And may I remind you this is the proper place for that good news I mentioned earlier.

Maggie: What good news?

Jason: That I believe in Mike.Yes!

Mike: Dad, it will be another twelve years before I show you my homework.

Maggie: Works for me.
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