Growing Pains (1985–1992): Season 3, Episode 23 - The Obscure Objects of Our Desire: Part 2 - full transcript
The Seaver children clean up the house in order to make money from a garage sale, at Jason's suggestion. Various of the collected items reminisce about their past, introducing clips from previous shows.
Maggie: Previously on growing pains...
Jason: No, I just told all of them clean out their houses of the unwanted junk, then they could sell them on the garage sale.That way we get a clean house.and they get ......
Maggie: Then they get to keep all the money.
Jason: Half.That was my idea.
Ben: Wow, what's the beautiful ashtray I made to dad doing out here?Dad was freak.He said it was the best present he's ever got.
Mike: He was lying.
Ben: Don't you think ashtray has feelings, too?
Mike: I want to say I do, this puppet is in some pain.
Jason: It's the best present I've got from you.
Carol: Ben, put that down, we should have taken out all that junk in basement.
Ben: Sorry, ashtray.
Ashtray: You are sorry, pal.
Ben: Hello?Hello?Heard you, ashtray?
Carol: Ben, come on.
Ashtray: The kid wards me from lump of clay, breaks Mike and me and Ben a couple of years later on garbage.
Sneakers: That stinks.
Glasses: No, but you.
Sneakers: Let me guess, You are Carol's glasses.
Glasses: You are mike's sneaker.I can feel it in the air.
Mike: What can I say why I can do it?When you got it, you got it.
Carol: Hey, what are my old glasses doing out here?
Ben: Well, you'll never wear it any more?So I...
Carol: Your thinking is wrong.
Ben: Well, I do want to keep my ashtray.
Carol: Why?
Ben: Well, it's still good.It's new.
Carol: It sure is.
Ashtray: Thank you, Ben, thank you.
Mike: Ben, why don't you just toss that thing, get it out of its misery.
Ben: Mike, this goofy glue works miracles.Remember?
Lamp: Ha...
Mike: Who's that?
Ben: You heard it too.
Carol: Would you guys give me a hand?
Mike: Yeah.
Lamp: How are you feeling?
Ashtray: Oh, aside from a splitting head, I go ok.You know, just when you think life can get worse, it does.
Hat: Of course, it does.It's a cold, ugly, horrible world.Well...
Ashtray: You are ok?
Hat: I am an old hat; I live.
Mike: Hi.
Terry: Hi.
Terry: Are you new here too?
Mike: Yes, the first day.
Terry: It's my second.I don't know it's all so complex.
Mike: You are kidding?
Terry: Mr.Krasner Scooter says if I really apply myself, I can get to be an employee of the month, just like the Joey Scayuglio.
Mike: Dare to dream.
Girl buyer: Titanic Cheese Burger, considerable fries and a Woo beer, a diet quota.
Mike: Talk to me?
Girl buyer: Oh, brother.
Mike: No, I now swear on this, ok.
Girl buyer: That's a colossal.I said a Woo.
Mike: Oh, right, sorry.
Jason: I knew it was right...Look at him go.
Mike: Nine and ten.Thank you and as we say at WOB, don't get any onion.What a charming little family here.Welcome to the World of Burgers!How may I help you!
Jason: Well, we just came to look.
Mike: Well, you got to order something, Dad.
Bike: Ok.I'll take a meal on a stick...
Mike: Mom...
Maggie: We had a nice dinner already at home.I don't want him loading up on grease.
Carol: Double or nothing, he's out of here in 10 minutes.
Jason: Mike, we've just never have an employee of the month in our family.We just came down to see you work.
Maggie: I've always been a sucker for a man in uniform.
Jason: Yeah, you have?
Maggie: Mike, we have a little surprise for you.
Jason: Oh, a little surprise.
Maggie: Anyway.Be sure you come straight home after work.OK?
Mike: Ok.
Scooter: Hi!I'm the manager.Is there a problem here?Jason: No, none whatsoever.I was down here for breakfast this morning, and this young mangave me such incredible service.I just wanted to bring the whole family down to meet him in person.So kids, we'd better be going.But, I want you to remember this day, always.
Jason: No, none whatsoever.I was down here for breakfast this morning, and this young mangave me such incredible service.I just wanted to bring the whole family down to meet him in person.So kids, we'd better be going.But, I want you to remember this day, always.
Terry: Mike, I don't know what to do.This guy wants extra ketchup.I tried to talk him out of it.
Mike: Terry, Terry, would you just relax.
Terry: I can't relax.Mike, if I mess up again I'm out of here?
Mike: You're not gonna mess up, Ok?
Scooter: Terry!Your register draw is open!
Mike: Ah, look, Scooter.That's my fault.Since you just came back from a break and I was handling both registers while she was gone.
Scooter: Mike?I, I, I don't believe it!You're the employee of the month!
Mike: Yeah, look, I'm sorry.Scooter, look, I have learned my lesson, my heart is just beating a mile a minute here.
Terry: Huh, Mike.That was so nice of you.If there is ever anything I could ever do for you, don't hesitate to ask, Ok?
Mike: Well...
Scooter: Mike!
Mike: Oh, yes, Scooter!
Scooter: This cash register is 37 dollars short!
Mike: 37!
Scooter: I, I, I, I just don't know what to say.
Mike: Look, Scooter, I'm sorry.It will not happen again.
Scooter: I know.
Mike: Ah, fired!Mom, Dad?Dad something's happened today?
All: Surprise!
Maggie: A little something for our employee of the month.
Jason: Mike, we're so proud of you!
Mike: I, I didn't ask them to have faith in me, did I, right?Yes or no?
Ben: Um, no.
Mike: That's right.
Ben: Good.
Mike: They should know I'm gonna find a way to mess things up, right?What's the problem?
Ben: You messed up?
Mike: No!
Ben: Oh.
Ben: Sure.
Mike: No!
Ben: Ah, that's what I meant.
Mike: So, now I have to do what I have to do.
Ben: Right.
Mike: Look, Ben.If you want to save yourself a lot of grief, don't let mom and dad expect great things from you.Let them know your a real disappointment now.(music Mike try to find a new work)
Jason: Hello?
Terry: Hi!I'm Terry, is Mike home?
Maggie: No.
Terry: Is his burger uniform home?
Maggie: No, he's wearing it.
Terry: Oh, that is so sad.
Jason: Terry, I'm a psychiatrist.
Terry: Well, I, I'm the new assistant manager at World of Burgers, and I need his uniform.
Jason: Oh, well, Mike needs it.
Terry: For what?
Jason: For work.
Terry: That's great!I felt so bad when he got fired.Well,
Jason: Hold it!
Terry: Hold what?
Jason: Mike was fired?
Mike: Hey Dad!
Jason: Well, if it isn't my hard working son and his well deserved car?
Mike: Yeah, that's us, Dad.You know I'm really bushed today, Dad.
Jason: So how you go down at the World of Burgers?Looks like you got some onion.
Mike: Yeah, well, to tell you the truth, Dad.
Jason: Excuse me, the what?
Mike: Tell you the truth.Ah, I don't know, I'm getting a little bummed with WOB.
Jason: Oh, but you're the employee of the month.
Mike: Yeah, you know, there's a lot of pressure there, dad, and I don't know.They are talking about making me an assistant manager.That would mean I'd have to go to burger college and I just don't know if I'm university material.
Jason: So you're telling me that you're considering quitting this job?
Mike: Well, I've already got a better job to lined up, Dad.Yes, in the auto-motive industry.
Jason: Ah!Ford?General motors?Crysler?
Mike: Burney.
Jason: Burney?
Mike: Yeah, Burney's car wash.I want to be a rag man, Dad.Tips galore and a great future.Oh, I can't do this.I can't look you in the face and lie.What is it, some kind of magic power?
Jason: Mike, I have...
Mike: Dad, I got fired.Ok, it wasn't even my fault.Dad, I mean, I was covering for this girl named Terry who left her register draw open.Sorry, I wanted to tll you but I guess that was the day you gave me this car.What was I supposed to say then?
Jason: Oh, yes.You didn't want to risk losing the car.
Mike: Oh, dad.It wasn't because of the car.I mean, it was, but not the way you mean.It was justsuch a new experience, I mean, how could you be so proud of me?It confused me.
Jason: Well, it confused me, too.
Mike: So don't you see, dad?I mean, I just didn't want you to think I was some loser who couldn't be trust with any responsibility.Just when you started having faith in me.
Jason: Well, you've got to have a little faith in me, too.
Mike: Oh, come on, dad, no.If you had somehow found out that I was fired, you'd be out here pacing, telling mom how stupid you were to trust me.
Jason: Well, possibly we may...
Mike: Dad, don't you see, you know how hard it's been for me to keep the truth from you?
Jason: So you lied to me for me?
Jason: Well, I appreciate that.
Maggie: Michael?We've been waiting for you.
Jason: And Maggie, Mike just told me he lost his job at the Burger place last week.
Maggie: Oh he did.
Jason: I was shocked.
Maggie: You were?Jason, he's been lying to us for an entire week!
Jason: Yes.Is that a great kid or what?
Hat: Since that time I've been sitting on the hook, now you want to talk, pain ashtray?Try sittingtwo years on the hook.
Ashtray: I just want to go back on the Jason's desk.
Book: No swear not by the moon in constant moon in monthly changes in her circled orbit.
Hat: This is what I need.
Book: Just a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fruity and signifying nothing, no a fancy ashtray.
Ashtray: Why does everybody pick on me?
Book: Because you have not lived or loved.
Teacher: Seavor, I'm gonna say something to you that might shock you.But in this class, I consider you my equal.Well, what I mean is, if I had a question about Shakespeare, and I had a choice of either asking him or you; I'd ask you.
Carol: Well thank you.
Teacher: And it has nothing to do with the fact that they ran around in tights all the time.And the point is, is that I need your help.It's no big secret that I wouldn't even be teaching this class, if MrsOrbeaux hadn't gone a little bit flaky, if you know what I mean?But there's a kid who's flunking the class, who shouldn't be and I kind o' blame myself.So, I was wondering if, maybe you could tutor him.
Carol: Well, I've never really thought of myself as a ...teacher.
Teacher: Hey, who has?So what do you say?
Carol: Ok, I'll give it a shot.
Teacher: Ah, yeah.Hey, Bobby!
Carol: The jock?
Bobby: Yo, Coach!!
Bobby: Alright.
Teacher: Now, look!You do everything she says, because, if you don't pass, you don't play.And it aint gonna do you no good comin' crying your eyes out to me; like you did last year.
Bobby: I don't think we ever really met.I'm Bobby Winette.
Carol: I know.
Bobby: And you're Carol, "The Brain".
Carol: I know.You actually cried last year?
Bobby: Yeah.Groin pull.
Carol: Bobby, I don't know why Romeo didn't try CPR on Juliet before he killed himself.
Bobby: I mean, the guy doesn't even check the pulse, before he does himself in.
Carol: Bobby, the play is over four hundred years old.It's a Classic.
Bobby: If I was Romeo, and you were Juliet and I really had it bad for you, there's nothing nobody could say that would get in the way...not my family, not your family, not nobody.By the time those people turned around to look for you and me, we'd be in my pick-up, half way to Jersey!!I'm sorry I lost my temper.Sometimes my emotions get the best of me.I guess I'm too sensitive.
Carol: It's OK.I really didn't want it anymore, anyway.
Bobby: This tutoring stuff's a bad idea.My head's too thick.
Carol: No, no, no, no, no.Understanding Shakespeare is a very difficult thing to do.You know, when I first read his plays I was lost for months; it ruined my entire sixth grade year.
Bobby: You read this stuff in the sixth grade?
Carol: I'm weird, OK?
Bobby: No, no, no!!You're smart.Boy, spending this much time with me must really be boring for you, huh?
Carol: Not really.So where were we?
Bobby: Everybody was dead.
Friend 2: So, like what is this Bobby Winette situation?
Carol: There's no situation, I'm just tutoring him.
Friend: Oh, well what figures.
Carol: And what is that supposed to mean?
Friend: Well, I don't know.
Friend 2: Oh, come on Carol, don't have a cow!Everybody knows, you're immaculate.
Carol: Immaculate?
Friend: You know, wholesome.Well, there are worse things to be...errm...like fat.
Carol: Well, for your information, Bobby and I did our studying all evening in my bedroom.And the subject was "Romeo and Juliet", if you get my meaning.You know, maybe I don't have to ogle the boys' swim team and act like a little girl, when I can be a woman, at home.
Jason: Mike, you look like you've been in a fight!
Mike: Oh yeah!
Jason: Well, who with?
Mike: My sixth period speech class.
Jason: What, you fought the whole class?
Mike: Look, I don't know Dad, I was at the bottom of the pile.Look, my fight is not important right now, neither is my suspension.
Jason: You were suspended?
Mike: Yeah.Look, alright.At the start of the class, everybody comes up to me and asks if I've heard the news.I say, "what news?", "about Carol".Well, you know me, I'm always ready for a good Carol nerd story.Yeah, and then he starts saying this disgusting stuff about Carol.So, I keep smiling, you see, and waiting for the punch line; only he's not kidding.And I don't know what happened but the next thing I know, I was in there punching Eddie out.And then I was in there swinging and kicking, and I couldn't even figure out why I was so angry.I'm here I was, getting all busted up, protecting Carol!
Maggie: Carol, how could you start a rumor like that about...It is a rumor, isn't it?
Carol: Of course it is Mom.I mean, everybody knows that, decent, responsible, immaculate Carol wouldn't dare do a thing like that.
Maggie: Then, why?
Carol: I don't know.
Maggie: Carol, that's a Mike answer.I expect a little more from you.
Carol: What am I, a saint?Why do you always have to say, "Mike, why can't you be more like your sister?" Why does every teacher I've ever had put me in charge, when they leave the class room?Why is it that I'm the one, always to be elected a recording secretary?
Maggie: Oh, honey, those are all good things.
Carol: I just wish, that every once in a while, it would be nice to thought of as...dangerous.
Maggie: Provocative?
Carol: Yes.
Maggie: Sexy?
Carol: Yes.
Maggie: The kind o' girl that should never be allowed to study in her bedroom with a hunk?
Carol: Yes.
Book: We are but fool players who until the final curtain draws nigh.
Hat: That's just all face it.We are garbage.
Ashtray: I am not garbage.
Hat: No, you are ugly garbage.
Carol: Oh, my copy of Romeo and Juliet.
Mike: Yeah, we are not going to get very much for it, 'cause you have read it.
Carol: It a book brought Bob and me together.
Mike: Then the book do an offer than Bob did.
Carol: It is sentimental of my past.Then how can I expect you to understand sentiment?
Mike: Look, sentiment is for worms.Hey, my burger hat.What do you guys have in your minds?You know I let this stuff, pretty good cheap.
Carol: Mike, this way, we won't have anything left to sell.
Mike: Well, so?
Ben: Good, 'cause I like my all junk.
Carol: I don't think you two grasp the concept of garage sale... My prom dress does not leave this house.
Mike: You are right I think.Dad telling us about all the money we are going to make from the garage sale is just his way of tricking us in cleaning up the house.Next time, we ask for the money of front.
Ben: Just because a garbage pal kid doesn't mean they are garbage.
Jason: What is Mike and Carol ....they just say the garage sales off.
Ben: Yes, we don't want to sell anything.
Jason: Why?
Ben: Well Dad, this stuff is bringing back memories of my youth.
Jason: Yeah, losing something doesn't mean losing your memories.
Ben: But I want to keep my all junk.
Jason: Yeah, you get one or two attach all pieces of useless junk that you don't need.
Jason: Ben, what is this ashtray you gave me doing out here?
Ben: I didn't want to sell it.It was in a box.I think you just didn't want it any more.
Jason: Why?Just because I don't smoke, or ever used it.
Ben: Yeah.
Jason: Well, That doesn't mean that I don't need it.Well don't you see?
Ben: No.
Jason: Then maybe when you are older.This thing is going right back on my office desk right now.
Ben: Thanks, dad.
Jason: Nose-clothes.
Ashtray: You are controlling me.
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Jason: No, I just told all of them clean out their houses of the unwanted junk, then they could sell them on the garage sale.That way we get a clean house.and they get ......
Maggie: Then they get to keep all the money.
Jason: Half.That was my idea.
Ben: Wow, what's the beautiful ashtray I made to dad doing out here?Dad was freak.He said it was the best present he's ever got.
Mike: He was lying.
Ben: Don't you think ashtray has feelings, too?
Mike: I want to say I do, this puppet is in some pain.
Jason: It's the best present I've got from you.
Carol: Ben, put that down, we should have taken out all that junk in basement.
Ben: Sorry, ashtray.
Ashtray: You are sorry, pal.
Ben: Hello?Hello?Heard you, ashtray?
Carol: Ben, come on.
Ashtray: The kid wards me from lump of clay, breaks Mike and me and Ben a couple of years later on garbage.
Sneakers: That stinks.
Glasses: No, but you.
Sneakers: Let me guess, You are Carol's glasses.
Glasses: You are mike's sneaker.I can feel it in the air.
Mike: What can I say why I can do it?When you got it, you got it.
Carol: Hey, what are my old glasses doing out here?
Ben: Well, you'll never wear it any more?So I...
Carol: Your thinking is wrong.
Ben: Well, I do want to keep my ashtray.
Carol: Why?
Ben: Well, it's still good.It's new.
Carol: It sure is.
Ashtray: Thank you, Ben, thank you.
Mike: Ben, why don't you just toss that thing, get it out of its misery.
Ben: Mike, this goofy glue works miracles.Remember?
Lamp: Ha...
Mike: Who's that?
Ben: You heard it too.
Carol: Would you guys give me a hand?
Mike: Yeah.
Lamp: How are you feeling?
Ashtray: Oh, aside from a splitting head, I go ok.You know, just when you think life can get worse, it does.
Hat: Of course, it does.It's a cold, ugly, horrible world.Well...
Ashtray: You are ok?
Hat: I am an old hat; I live.
Mike: Hi.
Terry: Hi.
Terry: Are you new here too?
Mike: Yes, the first day.
Terry: It's my second.I don't know it's all so complex.
Mike: You are kidding?
Terry: Mr.Krasner Scooter says if I really apply myself, I can get to be an employee of the month, just like the Joey Scayuglio.
Mike: Dare to dream.
Girl buyer: Titanic Cheese Burger, considerable fries and a Woo beer, a diet quota.
Mike: Talk to me?
Girl buyer: Oh, brother.
Mike: No, I now swear on this, ok.
Girl buyer: That's a colossal.I said a Woo.
Mike: Oh, right, sorry.
Jason: I knew it was right...Look at him go.
Mike: Nine and ten.Thank you and as we say at WOB, don't get any onion.What a charming little family here.Welcome to the World of Burgers!How may I help you!
Jason: Well, we just came to look.
Mike: Well, you got to order something, Dad.
Bike: Ok.I'll take a meal on a stick...
Mike: Mom...
Maggie: We had a nice dinner already at home.I don't want him loading up on grease.
Carol: Double or nothing, he's out of here in 10 minutes.
Jason: Mike, we've just never have an employee of the month in our family.We just came down to see you work.
Maggie: I've always been a sucker for a man in uniform.
Jason: Yeah, you have?
Maggie: Mike, we have a little surprise for you.
Jason: Oh, a little surprise.
Maggie: Anyway.Be sure you come straight home after work.OK?
Mike: Ok.
Scooter: Hi!I'm the manager.Is there a problem here?Jason: No, none whatsoever.I was down here for breakfast this morning, and this young mangave me such incredible service.I just wanted to bring the whole family down to meet him in person.So kids, we'd better be going.But, I want you to remember this day, always.
Jason: No, none whatsoever.I was down here for breakfast this morning, and this young mangave me such incredible service.I just wanted to bring the whole family down to meet him in person.So kids, we'd better be going.But, I want you to remember this day, always.
Terry: Mike, I don't know what to do.This guy wants extra ketchup.I tried to talk him out of it.
Mike: Terry, Terry, would you just relax.
Terry: I can't relax.Mike, if I mess up again I'm out of here?
Mike: You're not gonna mess up, Ok?
Scooter: Terry!Your register draw is open!
Mike: Ah, look, Scooter.That's my fault.Since you just came back from a break and I was handling both registers while she was gone.
Scooter: Mike?I, I, I don't believe it!You're the employee of the month!
Mike: Yeah, look, I'm sorry.Scooter, look, I have learned my lesson, my heart is just beating a mile a minute here.
Terry: Huh, Mike.That was so nice of you.If there is ever anything I could ever do for you, don't hesitate to ask, Ok?
Mike: Well...
Scooter: Mike!
Mike: Oh, yes, Scooter!
Scooter: This cash register is 37 dollars short!
Mike: 37!
Scooter: I, I, I, I just don't know what to say.
Mike: Look, Scooter, I'm sorry.It will not happen again.
Scooter: I know.
Mike: Ah, fired!Mom, Dad?Dad something's happened today?
All: Surprise!
Maggie: A little something for our employee of the month.
Jason: Mike, we're so proud of you!
Mike: I, I didn't ask them to have faith in me, did I, right?Yes or no?
Ben: Um, no.
Mike: That's right.
Ben: Good.
Mike: They should know I'm gonna find a way to mess things up, right?What's the problem?
Ben: You messed up?
Mike: No!
Ben: Oh.
Ben: Sure.
Mike: No!
Ben: Ah, that's what I meant.
Mike: So, now I have to do what I have to do.
Ben: Right.
Mike: Look, Ben.If you want to save yourself a lot of grief, don't let mom and dad expect great things from you.Let them know your a real disappointment now.(music Mike try to find a new work)
Jason: Hello?
Terry: Hi!I'm Terry, is Mike home?
Maggie: No.
Terry: Is his burger uniform home?
Maggie: No, he's wearing it.
Terry: Oh, that is so sad.
Jason: Terry, I'm a psychiatrist.
Terry: Well, I, I'm the new assistant manager at World of Burgers, and I need his uniform.
Jason: Oh, well, Mike needs it.
Terry: For what?
Jason: For work.
Terry: That's great!I felt so bad when he got fired.Well,
Jason: Hold it!
Terry: Hold what?
Jason: Mike was fired?
Mike: Hey Dad!
Jason: Well, if it isn't my hard working son and his well deserved car?
Mike: Yeah, that's us, Dad.You know I'm really bushed today, Dad.
Jason: So how you go down at the World of Burgers?Looks like you got some onion.
Mike: Yeah, well, to tell you the truth, Dad.
Jason: Excuse me, the what?
Mike: Tell you the truth.Ah, I don't know, I'm getting a little bummed with WOB.
Jason: Oh, but you're the employee of the month.
Mike: Yeah, you know, there's a lot of pressure there, dad, and I don't know.They are talking about making me an assistant manager.That would mean I'd have to go to burger college and I just don't know if I'm university material.
Jason: So you're telling me that you're considering quitting this job?
Mike: Well, I've already got a better job to lined up, Dad.Yes, in the auto-motive industry.
Jason: Ah!Ford?General motors?Crysler?
Mike: Burney.
Jason: Burney?
Mike: Yeah, Burney's car wash.I want to be a rag man, Dad.Tips galore and a great future.Oh, I can't do this.I can't look you in the face and lie.What is it, some kind of magic power?
Jason: Mike, I have...
Mike: Dad, I got fired.Ok, it wasn't even my fault.Dad, I mean, I was covering for this girl named Terry who left her register draw open.Sorry, I wanted to tll you but I guess that was the day you gave me this car.What was I supposed to say then?
Jason: Oh, yes.You didn't want to risk losing the car.
Mike: Oh, dad.It wasn't because of the car.I mean, it was, but not the way you mean.It was justsuch a new experience, I mean, how could you be so proud of me?It confused me.
Jason: Well, it confused me, too.
Mike: So don't you see, dad?I mean, I just didn't want you to think I was some loser who couldn't be trust with any responsibility.Just when you started having faith in me.
Jason: Well, you've got to have a little faith in me, too.
Mike: Oh, come on, dad, no.If you had somehow found out that I was fired, you'd be out here pacing, telling mom how stupid you were to trust me.
Jason: Well, possibly we may...
Mike: Dad, don't you see, you know how hard it's been for me to keep the truth from you?
Jason: So you lied to me for me?
Jason: Well, I appreciate that.
Maggie: Michael?We've been waiting for you.
Jason: And Maggie, Mike just told me he lost his job at the Burger place last week.
Maggie: Oh he did.
Jason: I was shocked.
Maggie: You were?Jason, he's been lying to us for an entire week!
Jason: Yes.Is that a great kid or what?
Hat: Since that time I've been sitting on the hook, now you want to talk, pain ashtray?Try sittingtwo years on the hook.
Ashtray: I just want to go back on the Jason's desk.
Book: No swear not by the moon in constant moon in monthly changes in her circled orbit.
Hat: This is what I need.
Book: Just a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fruity and signifying nothing, no a fancy ashtray.
Ashtray: Why does everybody pick on me?
Book: Because you have not lived or loved.
Teacher: Seavor, I'm gonna say something to you that might shock you.But in this class, I consider you my equal.Well, what I mean is, if I had a question about Shakespeare, and I had a choice of either asking him or you; I'd ask you.
Carol: Well thank you.
Teacher: And it has nothing to do with the fact that they ran around in tights all the time.And the point is, is that I need your help.It's no big secret that I wouldn't even be teaching this class, if MrsOrbeaux hadn't gone a little bit flaky, if you know what I mean?But there's a kid who's flunking the class, who shouldn't be and I kind o' blame myself.So, I was wondering if, maybe you could tutor him.
Carol: Well, I've never really thought of myself as a ...teacher.
Teacher: Hey, who has?So what do you say?
Carol: Ok, I'll give it a shot.
Teacher: Ah, yeah.Hey, Bobby!
Carol: The jock?
Bobby: Yo, Coach!!
Bobby: Alright.
Teacher: Now, look!You do everything she says, because, if you don't pass, you don't play.And it aint gonna do you no good comin' crying your eyes out to me; like you did last year.
Bobby: I don't think we ever really met.I'm Bobby Winette.
Carol: I know.
Bobby: And you're Carol, "The Brain".
Carol: I know.You actually cried last year?
Bobby: Yeah.Groin pull.
Carol: Bobby, I don't know why Romeo didn't try CPR on Juliet before he killed himself.
Bobby: I mean, the guy doesn't even check the pulse, before he does himself in.
Carol: Bobby, the play is over four hundred years old.It's a Classic.
Bobby: If I was Romeo, and you were Juliet and I really had it bad for you, there's nothing nobody could say that would get in the way...not my family, not your family, not nobody.By the time those people turned around to look for you and me, we'd be in my pick-up, half way to Jersey!!I'm sorry I lost my temper.Sometimes my emotions get the best of me.I guess I'm too sensitive.
Carol: It's OK.I really didn't want it anymore, anyway.
Bobby: This tutoring stuff's a bad idea.My head's too thick.
Carol: No, no, no, no, no.Understanding Shakespeare is a very difficult thing to do.You know, when I first read his plays I was lost for months; it ruined my entire sixth grade year.
Bobby: You read this stuff in the sixth grade?
Carol: I'm weird, OK?
Bobby: No, no, no!!You're smart.Boy, spending this much time with me must really be boring for you, huh?
Carol: Not really.So where were we?
Bobby: Everybody was dead.
Friend 2: So, like what is this Bobby Winette situation?
Carol: There's no situation, I'm just tutoring him.
Friend: Oh, well what figures.
Carol: And what is that supposed to mean?
Friend: Well, I don't know.
Friend 2: Oh, come on Carol, don't have a cow!Everybody knows, you're immaculate.
Carol: Immaculate?
Friend: You know, wholesome.Well, there are worse things to be...errm...like fat.
Carol: Well, for your information, Bobby and I did our studying all evening in my bedroom.And the subject was "Romeo and Juliet", if you get my meaning.You know, maybe I don't have to ogle the boys' swim team and act like a little girl, when I can be a woman, at home.
Jason: Mike, you look like you've been in a fight!
Mike: Oh yeah!
Jason: Well, who with?
Mike: My sixth period speech class.
Jason: What, you fought the whole class?
Mike: Look, I don't know Dad, I was at the bottom of the pile.Look, my fight is not important right now, neither is my suspension.
Jason: You were suspended?
Mike: Yeah.Look, alright.At the start of the class, everybody comes up to me and asks if I've heard the news.I say, "what news?", "about Carol".Well, you know me, I'm always ready for a good Carol nerd story.Yeah, and then he starts saying this disgusting stuff about Carol.So, I keep smiling, you see, and waiting for the punch line; only he's not kidding.And I don't know what happened but the next thing I know, I was in there punching Eddie out.And then I was in there swinging and kicking, and I couldn't even figure out why I was so angry.I'm here I was, getting all busted up, protecting Carol!
Maggie: Carol, how could you start a rumor like that about...It is a rumor, isn't it?
Carol: Of course it is Mom.I mean, everybody knows that, decent, responsible, immaculate Carol wouldn't dare do a thing like that.
Maggie: Then, why?
Carol: I don't know.
Maggie: Carol, that's a Mike answer.I expect a little more from you.
Carol: What am I, a saint?Why do you always have to say, "Mike, why can't you be more like your sister?" Why does every teacher I've ever had put me in charge, when they leave the class room?Why is it that I'm the one, always to be elected a recording secretary?
Maggie: Oh, honey, those are all good things.
Carol: I just wish, that every once in a while, it would be nice to thought of as...dangerous.
Maggie: Provocative?
Carol: Yes.
Maggie: Sexy?
Carol: Yes.
Maggie: The kind o' girl that should never be allowed to study in her bedroom with a hunk?
Carol: Yes.
Book: We are but fool players who until the final curtain draws nigh.
Hat: That's just all face it.We are garbage.
Ashtray: I am not garbage.
Hat: No, you are ugly garbage.
Carol: Oh, my copy of Romeo and Juliet.
Mike: Yeah, we are not going to get very much for it, 'cause you have read it.
Carol: It a book brought Bob and me together.
Mike: Then the book do an offer than Bob did.
Carol: It is sentimental of my past.Then how can I expect you to understand sentiment?
Mike: Look, sentiment is for worms.Hey, my burger hat.What do you guys have in your minds?You know I let this stuff, pretty good cheap.
Carol: Mike, this way, we won't have anything left to sell.
Mike: Well, so?
Ben: Good, 'cause I like my all junk.
Carol: I don't think you two grasp the concept of garage sale... My prom dress does not leave this house.
Mike: You are right I think.Dad telling us about all the money we are going to make from the garage sale is just his way of tricking us in cleaning up the house.Next time, we ask for the money of front.
Ben: Just because a garbage pal kid doesn't mean they are garbage.
Jason: What is Mike and Carol ....they just say the garage sales off.
Ben: Yes, we don't want to sell anything.
Jason: Why?
Ben: Well Dad, this stuff is bringing back memories of my youth.
Jason: Yeah, losing something doesn't mean losing your memories.
Ben: But I want to keep my all junk.
Jason: Yeah, you get one or two attach all pieces of useless junk that you don't need.
Jason: Ben, what is this ashtray you gave me doing out here?
Ben: I didn't want to sell it.It was in a box.I think you just didn't want it any more.
Jason: Why?Just because I don't smoke, or ever used it.
Ben: Yeah.
Jason: Well, That doesn't mean that I don't need it.Well don't you see?
Ben: No.
Jason: Then maybe when you are older.This thing is going right back on my office desk right now.
Ben: Thanks, dad.
Jason: Nose-clothes.
Ashtray: You are controlling me.
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