Growing Pains (1985–1992): Season 3, Episode 18 - Great Expectations - full transcript

(Mike, Ben and Carol cleaning up snow at courtyard)

Ben: I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.

Mike: Bennie, just pretend the snow is your food and that shovel's your fork, you'll do fine.

Ben: I don't see why we don't just let it melt?

Carol: Melt?Ben, that could take days, weeks.

Mike: Yeah, then how am I supposed to take my car out to go to school, I don't see why we just don't let it melt?

Carol: I'm not lifting this shovel again until you start moving some snow.

Mike: Oh?I'll move some snow!

Ben: Hey, Carol.signal, see this.

Mike: Come on, eat this...[snow fight starts]

Mike: Hey...



Mailman: Excuse me?Hey, I am looking for Mike Seaver, I've got a special delivery package for him.sign here please.

Mike: Oh, something for me, I can't believe it.

Carol: Yeah, you don't know anyone that can write.

Mike: Wow, fruit?

Mailman: That's right, not just some gift certificate but the real thing, an 8 pounds bag of pineapples that somebody had to carry for 2 miles.

Carol: Well, it's from Mali, where we were on vacation last summer.

Mailman: La-di-da!

Mike: Well, it's from Meliya.

Ben: Meliya?Was she the one with the coconut bra?

Carol: Ha ha ha...Mike, show me that smile again.

Meliya: Dearest Mike, aloha from Hawaii.I had to let you know that I'm finally getting off the island.Next weekend, I'll be in Los Angeles for a tour guide convention, I am so excited.I am 'so' excited.

Mike: Me too.

Meliya: That's too bad, though, my first trip to the mainland is still three thousand miles away from you.Well, that's life.Anyway, I wanted you to know that someone far away remembers you, very fondly.Love, Meliya.

Meliya: It's been such a wonderful 10 days.I am going to miss you.When are you coming back to Mali?



Mike: I don't know, when are you coming to New York?Ah, you're never coming to New York, are you?

Mike: Well, forget New York, but if you ever make it to the Mainland, I am talking any place you just let me know, and I am there.

Meliya: Ha, Mike.

Mike: No, no, I'm serious.

Meliya: You will forget all about me in 20 years or so.

Mike: Ah, No way.

Meliya: Well, just to make sure, here,

Mike: Ah, wow!

Meliya: This is a good-luck charm.If you hold it tight and make a wish it'll come true.

Mike: Really?

Meliya: Next time I see you, I want this back.

Mike: Hush I am wishing here.It didn't come true.

Meliya: Yes, it did.

Mike: Yeah, I'd like to check your on flights to Los Angeles.Aw, hold yourself.

Jason: Evening, Carol?

Carol: Dad, Dad.I know I missed my curfew, but we, I, I am so sorry, Dad.I can't lie to you.

Mike: Carol, you disgust me.

Carol: Mike?

Mike: Look, you know you are my sister.you should be able to lie.

Carol: You won't tell Mom and Dad when I came in, will you?

Mike: Of course I will.

Carol: You will?

Mike: No, that was a lie, see?It's easy.

Carol: So you won't?

Mike: No.

Carol: Oh, thanks, Mike, You are so sweet.

Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah, here, I'd like to check on your flight to Los Angeles.Tomorrow.I'll need to come back on Sunday.And how much is that going to cost?No, seriously.Hello?

Carol: Mike, you're flying to California to see Meliya, aren't you?

Mike: No, I am not.

Carol: Now I know that's a lie.You wanted to buy a ticket.

Mike: Yeah, for you.One way.

Carol: No, you want to see Meliya!

Carol: What a wonderful thing to do.I mean forgetting everything, and flying all the way across the country all for the love of a lady.This is the kind of romantic things that you only read about, a rich powerful man, maybe a Duke, one day, he sees the simple peasant girl, not doing anything provocative, just pumping water,

Mike: Does Dad know you read this kind of stuff?

Carol: He cannot forget about her.And from that day on, he is willing to give up his power, his fortune, and his stable, mighty...

Mike: Carol, forget your duke, all right?

Carol: Mike Seavor, I am proud to be your sister.

Mike: Oh, come on, look, I don't mean that.

Carol: What's wrong?

Mike: Well, unlike your stupid duke, and I am little short of funds.

Carol: How short?

Mike: 279 dollars

Carol: How much is the ticket?

Mike: 279 dollars

Carol: I have more than that in my savings account.

Mike: Congratulations.

Carol: Mike, I can lend it to you.

Mike: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, You can?

Carol: It's for romance

Mike: Well, I'll pay you back real soon.

Carol: Don't ruin this moment with a lie.

Mike: Ok, ok, maybe weeks, maybe even months before I pay you back.

Carol: That's better.

Mike: If I ever do it all.

Carol: Don't push it.

Mike: Now, on this weekend, in California.More coffee, mother?

Maggie: OK

Jason: No

Mike: You got it.

Mike: You know, I mean USC, UCLA, the Ross ball.

Maggie: The Ross ball is not a college, Mike.

Mike: Ho, a good thing we had this talk before my trip.

Jason: My guess is it that this has something to do with all those pineapples Meliya sent you?

Mike: Ok, all right, I, I meant to mention it to guys.I just got so busy, taking out the trash, cleaning my room and pouring the coffee.

Jason: Mike, traveling by yourself on a trip like this is a very big step for somebody of your age.

Mike: But, Dad, I mean, when you were 17, didn't you bike right through Europe, a whole seperate country, I believe.

Mike: Why do they always remember these things in a time like this?

Maggie: But your father didn't go to Europe to meet a girl.

Mike: Oh, sure he did.I mean Beng Beng Na.that you told me all .

Jason: No, I told you nothing.

Jason: Mike, this trip is impractical for many reasons.For instance, the air fare to California is very expensive.

Mike: Yeah, yeah, but Carol's lending me the money

Jason: Get out of town.

Mike: Thanks, Dad.

Jason: Wait, hold on.

Jason: Carol is doing this of her own free will?

Mike: Yeah, yeah, that's right.She understands that sometimes the duke has to see his peasant girl pumping that water.

Mike: Well, carol explains a lot better than I do.

Maggie: Honey, you really like this girl?

Jason: Maggie?

Maggie: Jason, he really likes this girl.

Jason: Mike, we are sorry, but the answer is NO.

Mike: Ok, ok, I accept that, dad.Work on him, mom.

Jason: Maggie, there is part of me that wants him to go too.I mean you've got to admire a guy who's willing to go to any end, and travel any distance just to make a fool of themselves over a woman.Much as I just did it now.

Carol: Oh, mike, you get in trouble, big trouble, be logical, you cannot do this.But you've got to do this.You are so romantic.

Mike: That's me.hi, now fork over the bucks.

Carol: Well, sure, ok what's you plan?

Mike: Well, I get on the plane in New York and I get off in LA.

Carol: You call that a plan?

Mike: Then where do you expect me to get off?Denver?

Carol: I am just saying that you should work on your cover.I mean wait until it is real late, then you sneak out.

Carol: Have me make up a stories about your being at Boner's house for the day.I mean I can always say you are in another room if they ask.I can lie, I can lie.I can lie!

Ben: Agent Ben, Reporting for duty, ready to do my part in operation Coconuts.

Carol: Where is Mike's Suitcase?

Ben: I hid it in this garbage bag.Oh, no.

Carol: I can see this is all going to be left up to me.

Ben: Cop's clothes.

Carol: Give me that.

Ben: Requesting permission to go and watch for the yellow bird.

Carol: I don't care, just go.

Ben: Do you know what the yellow bird is?

Ben: It's the taxi.

Carol: Whatever, go.

Mike: Carol, Mom and Dad are upstairs.They don't suspect a thing.Everything can be just fine, and just calm down.

Carol: Ok all right.Mike.Here are all the flight times, ok?You take New York to Denver, and then a 5 hour layover and then into LA.

Mike: Five hour layover, that's crazy.

Carol: But it's cheaper.

Mike: But this is romance.

Carol: This is my money.

Mike: Self-hurt.

Carol: All right.Here it is.

Ben: Agent Ben reporting the yellow bird has landed.The cab is here.

Carol: OK.

Mike: All right, Carol, here I go.I haven't moved yet, have I?

Carol: Mike, Cab is waiting.

Mike: Ok Carol, maybe its not such a good idea I go.Jason Bateman's wholesome Friday night video is tonight.

Ben: Huckleberry at 8 o'clock.

Carol and Mike: What?

Ben: Dad is coming, Jee-whizz.

Carol: Hi, Dad.

Jason: Hi, Carol, Ben, I thought I told you to take this out.

Ben: I did.

Jason: Mike with you?

Ben: Not anymore.

Carol: No, no, he's in his room

Ben: Yeah, his car wouldn't be here if he wasn't in his room.And its here all right, see?

Jason: What's that?

Ben: What was what?

Jason: Oh, I'll see you inside.

Carol: Ben, you almost spilt the beans about the operation coconuts to papa bear before yellow bird flew the coop.

Carol: Mike?

Mike: I was in here first, dog breath.

Carol: Mike, don't call your sister names.

Mike: All right.

Carol: Mom, he is been in there all morning and says he is going to stay in through breakfast.

Maggie: Mike, you don't want breakfast?

Mike: No breakfast this morning, mom.

Maggie: What are you doing in there?

Mike: Whatever it is, it sure smells good.

Maggie: What?Mike, are you all right?Oh, well, we'll see you downstairs in a few minutes, ok?

Ben: Hum...

Carol: Ben, how we going go get Mike downstairs in a few minutes?

Ben: I don't know.

Carol: Sure smells good?

Jason: Another 8 inches out there.Going to be a lot of shoveling today.Where is Mike?

Maggie: Carol said he changed his mind, and doesn't feel like breakfast.

Jason: Still upset about not being able to go to Los Angeles?

Carol: No, he is over that.

Ben: Yes, I saw him too, he is fine.His deep talk, actually, I think he..., au?

Carol: What do you know?Ben, the telephone rings up 7:59 exactly.

Ben: Oh.

Maggie: Carol?

Carol: I got it.Hello?

Mike: Yeah, I am really enjoying my 5 hour here in Denver.Why am I whispering?

Carol: Mike, Telephone.

Mike: I'll take it upstairs.

Maggie: Carol, who is on the phone?

Carol: Mike, eh, eh, Boner.He's calling at Boner's house.

Jason: Wait a minute.Mike?

Mike: Dad?

Jason: You are not going anywhere, Mr.

Mike: I am not.

Ben: Who is dad talking to?

Carol: Mike.

Ben: Bye.

Jason: Don't worry; he is not taking off until he does his share of the shovelling.

Mike: Well, dad, that is going to be a little tough.

Mike: Good-bye, Doctor Seavor.

Airport speaker: Attention, Meliya's flight has now arrived.Go in for it, Mike.

Mike: Meliya?Meliya, It's me.

Meliya: Mike?Mike.

Mike: Oh, I dreamed this would happen.Old lady: Hi, I am from Texas.

Ben: The man is good.

Carol: Too good.Slow down, we want them to think you are Mike, remember?Hi, Boner?

Boner: Hush, I am Mike, remember?

Carol: Keep your face covered.

Boner: Ooops.

Carol: Just try in shovel like a normal person, ok?

Boner: Do what I can.

Maggie: Jason, Mike has been out there shoveling like a man possessed.

Jason: After all that nonsense on the phone about his trying to get out of it.

Maggie: Oh, that's funny.Just when you think you know your kids, they surprise you.Hot chocolate!

Ben: All right!

Boner: Wow.

Carol: Thanks, mom.

Maggie: Mike?Oh, come on, you especially deserve a break.

Boner: Not bad.A little fuzzy.

Airport speaker: Now arriving, Flight 122 from Honolulu, Hawaii, gate 24

Mike: Meliya?Meliya, It's me.

Meliya: Mike?Mike?Ha ha,

Mike: Hey, You look so different.

Meliya: What are you doing here?

Mike: Well, what do you think?

Meliya: Seriously, what are you doing here?

Mike: What I am doing?I am here to see you.

Meliya: Come on, you came all the way from New York just to see me?

Mike: Yeah, well, I just happened to be your neighborhood.

Meliya: Mike, you should tell me you are coming.

Mike: Well, I did.Remember?Our last night in Hawaii?

Meliya: But I got this convention business all weekend.

Mike: Ah...

Meliya: Mike, you've got to understand.It's not like I can just...

Mike: Just forget your whole convention and everything?

Meliya: exactly.Well, there is going to be a closing banquet tomorrow night.I can get an extra ticket.Would you want to go?

Mike: Er... tomorrow night?

Meliya: Oh, I feel so terrible.You flew all the way here just to see me.And booked.

Mike: Oh, no, I didn't.

Meliya: You didn't?

Mike: Oh, no.I don't know.Heck no.I was going to check out the colleges, you know the ULA.UC IC and Rose Bud.

Meliya: Rose Bud.

Mike: Yeah, it's a great interview.Well, anyway, I've to get back on my plane.It leaves about in 10 minutes.Oh, five minutes.Oh real soon.

Meliya: Oh, I see.

Mike: well, I just want to make sure that I got a chance to come out here and see you and say hello.And I did.Hello.And I said it again.

Meliya: Mike, I ...

Mike: No, no.I've got to go.My plane is going to leave here.Bye.

Meliya: Bye.

Jason: Ben, will you call Mike to dinner?

Ben: Mike Seavor?

Jason: Yeah, that's the one.

Ben: Well, do I look like I know where he is?

Jason: Ben, is something going on?

Ben: Carol might know.

Carol: Know what?

Ben: Where the heck Mike is.

Carol: Well, he told me he was going over to Boner's house for dinner.

Maggie: Jason, did you ask Mike to shovel the backyard?

Jason: The backyard - you mean the lawn?

Maggie: He hit the edge of the driveway, and keep right on going.We could play Croquet out there!

Jason: He has been shoveling all day.I'm worried about him.

Carol: Well, well, well.What do you know?It looks like Mike has got new hobby, eh Ben?

Ben: I don't know nothing on him, not saying a word.If you hit me again, I will bite you.

Boner: Is it clear?

Carol: Boner, What are you doing here?They'll find out!

Boner: I'm just returning Mike his clothes!

Jason: Mike?Is Mike in here?Mike Seavor?

Ben: No, he isn't, and that's the truth.

Ben: Let's hide!

Carol: God, Yeah!

Maggie: Mike?

Mike: Oh, hi, Mom.

Maggie: Mike, here you are.

Ben: Yeah, there he is, just like I've been saying all day.Why I think he...

Carol: Ben, Ben, Ben.There's no reason to go over all that.I mean everybody is hungry!I am hungry.Mike you are hungry, or did you eat on the plane?

Jason: Mike?

Mike: Yes, still here, Dad.Grounded, I am not going to any place.

Jason: Just want to check if it was Live or Memorex.

Mike: You don't feel very alive, Dad.This has been the worst day in my entire life.I mean I have been rejected by a girl.I got my car ticket away for a month.Plus I owe Carol 279 dollars, plus interest.She never even mentioned that interest here.I wish I hadn't gone on this stupid trip.

Jason: Remember what I told you about my trip to Europe, to meet Mindy what's her name?

Mike: Notman.

Jason: Notman.Yeah.But you know, after spending 407 dollars for the air fares.63 dollars on the ten speed, 84 dollars on assorted sundries.you know what she told me?

Mike: What?

Jason: She said I just hope we will always be good friends.

Mike: Oh.

Jason: Yeah.Evidently, she didn't take my sundries were that well assorted.

Mike: Why, Dad, why do we do it?

Jason: Want my professional opinion?

Mike: Yeah.

Jason: Men are nuts.Or maybe it really is true that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Mike: How well, you ought to write that down.

Jason: It's already been written down, Mike.Every guy I know at some point or another ends up making a chump of himself over a woman.Maybe you just got through it early.Good night, Mike.

Mike: Hey Dad?Was your trip to see Mellia worth it?

Jason: Not today's prices.But, erm, yeah.

Jason: What a night.I've grounded more kids tonight than the FAA has grounded planes.

Maggie: Yeah, well.It looks like everyone involved in this mess hass been caught and dealt with, and that is just fine with me, because I have had enough surprises.Hi, Boner.
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