Growing Pains (1985–1992): Season 2, Episode 3 - Long Day's Journey Into Night - full transcript

Carol is excited when one of the most popular girls in school starts hanging around with her. However, it becomes evident that she is only after one thing- Mike.

"You can be sure the wok is
at the correct temperature...

by sprinkling water on the surface,
droplet should dance before evaporating."

Yes, ballet or rumba?

Perfecto.

Dad, look. We
got a deal for you.

If you'll just order a
pizza, we'll pay for it.

Two toppings.

Are you saying you have no
faith in your old dad's ability...

to cook a simple Chinese dinner?

Yep.

- Hi, honey. Hi, guys.
- Hi, Mom.



- What's burning?
- Me.

If anyone says one more
thing about my cooking...

I may forget the whole thing.

- Hey, Dad...
- No one's going to say a word.

- What are we having?
- Hacked beef.

Yum.

Sorry I'm late. I
was over at Annie's.

Oh, your new friend?

Oh, Carol, I don't
remember that sweater.

Oh, no, it's not mine. It's
Annie's, she loaned it to me.

Oh, no, call the nerd police.
She's out of uniform again.

Mike.

Are you wearing makeup?

Just a little base, powder, blush,
lipstick, mascara and eyeliner.



- Annie's?
- Yeah.

She says with the right color
and shading I have a beautiful face.

Hey, you know, she's right.

Mike, shut up. You don't see
me making fun of your friends.

Even the ones that drool.

You guys will be less hostile
after some crispy fried duck lips.

I'm just glad I won't be
around here with him tonight.

Oh?

Yeah, Annie and I are
going out, if that's okay.

Carol, usually we know your
friends before you go out with them.

What's to know?
She's a cheerleader.

She's on the drama club,
very funny and very popular.

So, what's she hanging
around with you for?

- Mike.
- Hey, I didn't say it, he did.

Sorry, it sounded like you.

So is it okay?

Where will you be going?

Shopping for earrings since
I just got my ears pierced.

Oh.

So is it okay?

Sure, just be careful
walking after dark.

Oh, don't worry,
we won't be walking.

Annie drives.

Annie drives.

I heard.

Hey, do you think she could pick up
some burgers for us on the way over?

I was going to take Carol
to get her ears pierced.

At least one ear.

Well, honey, if it makes
you feel any better,

you can take me to
get my ears pierced.

I'm serious, Jason.

Well, what I'm hearing is that
I think you're a little bothered...

by the fact that Carol is making a
friend who has some real influence on her.

Oh. How wrong you are, doctor. I
want Carol to have plenty of friends.

I just wish she'd pick
someone who wasn't a slut.

Come on, Maggie, you
haven't even met the little tramp.

You're defending a girl who makes
our daughter up to look like Prince?

Prince is very popular.

I know, I know. I'm just
worried about her, that's all.

I mean, Carol's never had
a friend who was so social.

Well, Carol's also at the age
where she's going to rebel a little.

And that may include picking some friends
her parents don't always approve of.

Think how the parents
of Mike's friends must feel.

- Mom, Dad, I'll see you in the morning.
- Okay.

Morning?

Whoa.

- Hold it, Mike.
- Where are you going?

Boner called, his parents don't
want him home alone tonight...

- I'm gonna spend the night at his place.
- You're babysitting Boner?

Hey, somebody's got to.

Shouldn't you tell
us these things first?

That's what I just did, Mom.

No, no. That's not how it works.

Are you guys actually
saying I can't go?

Very good.

Dad? Mom, can you talk to him?

You know the rules, Mike.
You have to ask in advance.

Please, oh, please, can
I go to Boner's house?

Maybe staying home tonight will teach
you how and when to ask for something.

I don't...

You guys have
gone too far this time.

You know what I'm gonna do?

All right, I'm gonna tell
you what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna stay like this until
you let me go to Boner's house.

How do you like that?

Well, maybe all that blood rushing
to your brain will do it some good.

What didn't they
let you do this time?

Spend the night at Boner's.

I can't believe this, Annie
Boyer is coming to my house...

and my stupid brother
is sitting on his head.

Yeah, and I'm gonna
stay just like this.

Mom, Mom.

What? What is it?

- It's him.
- I'm not doing a thing, Mom.

I don't know, maybe it's time we
wallpaper Carol's room in rubber.

Now if you'll excuse me,
I have to go call Boner...

and break my
best friend's heart.

Why does he have
to be related to me?

Why can't I have a normal brother
who's not a total embarrassment?

Hey, that's what I'm here for.

Boner, look, I'm sorry. I
just can't make it, all right?

My family needs me.

Yeah, all right, let
me ask. Hey, Dad?

You're busy. Yeah,
Bone, should be fine.

I'll call you if it's a
hassle. Okay, bye.

- Hmm. These are good, you want one?
- No, thanks.

- Dad, about tonight, I'd really...
- Yeah, about tonight.

Look, would you
please do me a favor...

and try not to tease
your sister tonight, okay?

- Carol?
- Yeah, that sister.

She's got a new friend. So
try to be a little sensitive, okay?

Hey, Dad, guys are supposed
to be tough, not sensitive.

Oh, really?

Well, then explain Alan Alda.

I can't.

Let me let you in on a little secret,
Mike. Women go crazy for sensitive guys.

Oh, come on, Dad.

Yeah, you remember those classic
movies I bought and I forced you to watch?

- Yeah.
- Remember Casablanca?

Yeah, with that old
guy with the lisp?

Bogie. Yes.

Well, do you remember how Carol
and your mom cried at the end?

Yeah.

They cried, as all women do, not because
Bogie's a tough guy, which he was...

but because he
was also sensitive.

- Sensitive, huh?
- Mm-hm.

Here's looking at you, kid.

Needs work.

Bye, Mom. Bye,
Dad. See you later.

Carol, wait. CAROL: Hi, Annie.

Annie, this is my mom.
Mom, this is Annie.

Nice to meet you, Annie.

- Jason.
- Thanks, you too.

And this is my
little brother, Ben.

Did you bring more
clothes for Carol?

- Ben.
- It's okay.

- I have a little brother too.
- And this is my father.

Hi, Annie. ANNIE: Hi.

Well, it's nice to meet the
artist who painted Carol's face.

- Dad.
- It's okay, I have a father too.

- Oh, and that's Mike.
- Hi.

See you later, Mike.

Oh, right. Yeah, I have
to go out and change.

I was just in the garage
fixing the Porsche. Heh-heh.

Mike, we don't have a Porsche.

Right, Porsche, Ferrari.
Who can keep them straight?

Come, I brought a couple of
hot sweaters I want you to try on.

Oh, great.

So you guys can just
hang around here tonight.

Mom.

This one makes you look so sexy.

Really?

- What do you wanna do tonight?
- I thought we were going to the mall.

- We did that this afternoon.
- We could see something at the Sixplex.

- Anything you wanna see?
- No.

I've seen them all.

- Me too.
- Where else?

- I don't know.
- I don't know either.

- We don't have to go out.
- You mean, stay here?

- We could.
- For the night?

- Hey, that would be fun.
- Yeah. Ha-ha.

Carol's gonna have
her own friends...

we shouldn't worry unless
there's something to worry about.

You sound so smart
when you agree with me.

Don't push your luck.

- Sweet and sour shrimp?
- Oh, let me.

It's good.

Oh, this can't be. I followed
that recipe to the letter.

I had water dancing
like Baryshnikov here.

Honey, I think you used
salt instead of sugar.

Oh, that's impossible.

Oh, it's okay. I mean, it
could happen to anybody.

I mean, it looks exactly
alike. It's an easy mistake.

So you've done it too, huh?

You've got to be kidding.

- This color would look good on you.
- Not as good as it looks on you.

- Not true.
- Let's face it.

All these look better on you.

Carol, your father and I
are getting Chinese takeout...

from Wok-Around-The-Clock.

- I thought Dad was...
- He was.

- Would you set the table for me, please?
- Sure.

Are you sure you don't
mind hanging out here?

No.

- Ladies.
- Hi.

What do you want?

Not a thing. I was just
out for a fresh of breath air.

- Vicious sweater, Annie.
- Thanks.

It's nice to have a
boy's point of view.

Yeah, well, that's me. Heh-heh.

All boy.

Some might even say a man.

Some might even
say a sensitive man.

Some might even say I'm
going to puke on my shoes.

I like your outfit too.

Ha-ha. This? Yeah, well...

Don Johnson sends me these test
clothes every month for my approval.

I guess I'll give
these a thumbs up.

Mike? There's something
hanging from your nose.

Carol, I get the distinct feeling
that you want me to leave.

Now, if you do, just say
the word and I'm gone.

I want you to know you
don't have to be nice to Mike...

just because he's my brother.

- Okay.
- I gotta go set the table.

- I'm gonna change, I'll be right down.
- Okay.

Shari, guess where I am.

The Seavers.

Yes, Mike's here.
Yeah, I think he likes me.

Well, he changed his
clothes and combed his hair.

No, Carol doesn't
suspect a thing.

- Come on, Maggie.
- I'll be there in a minute.

Mike, Mike, Mike, I was wrong.

You should spend the night
at Boner's. And leave now.

How am I ever going to learn that
darn lesson if I don't stay here tonight?

Well, I don't want you
learning any more this evening.

I think you should go.
Go and babysit your friend.

Yeah, but, M...

- Oh, thanks, Mrs. Seaver.
- Boner.

- Yo, Mikey.
- Bone.

- What are you doing here?
- My folks didn't want me to be alone...

so I asked Mikey
here if I could stay over.

He didn't ask?

- No, he didn't.
- No, no, I didn't ask.

And we all know what that
means. No asking, no getting.

I'm only gonna learn the hard way.
Boner, my friend, you'll have to go.

Oh, no. But we're
all human, Mike.

We all forget things.

I mean, why should your innocent
friend suffer on account of silly me?

- Hey, that's okay, Boner's tough.
- No, I'm not.

Mike, I insist.

Boner, please stay and
enjoy the Seaver hospitality.

Watch TV, play games.
Keep each other busy.

- Maggie, what's holding...?
- Let's go, Jason.

We don't have all night.

So I was crying and my
dad said, "What's wrong?"

- I was too embarrassed to tell him.
- Well, what was it?

Something on TV. I
don't wanna tell you.

- You'll think I'm a ditz.
- No, I won't.

- You promise you won't laugh?
- I promise.

Okay.

It was one of those
long-distance commercials.

Are you kidding?
They make me cry too.

- Are you kidding me? Which one?
- The father and the son.

That's the one I was
crying about. I felt so stupid.

And we have to tell Carol
because she has to know.

We can't tell Carol, it
would break her heart.

But if we know, she should
know, yes or no, you know?

Believe it or not, I do.

I was right about
Annie all along, see?

Oh, this is no time to talk
about who's right or wrong.

Why do you only say
that when I'm right?

After we pick up dinner, we'll come
back, we'll warn Mike about Annie.

Maybe we'll have figured
out a way to tell Carol.

- We can't go now.
- It's a minute there, a minute back.

Nothing will happen,
especially with Boner there.

Mikey, come on, let me in.

If you're really my friend,
you'll spend the night at Eddie's.

Eddie's got a date tonight.

Come on, Mikey, at least let
me in to get my sleeping bag.

All right, all right,
but just for a second.

This is so you can make
the moves on that chick?

Of course not.

You know, Mike, this is totally
uncool. She's your sister's friend and...

Oh, wow.

- You were saying?
- Mike, is Boner staying for dinner?

No, he's leaving right now to go
spend the night at Eddie's house.

Sure you can't get out of
it? Eddie gets disappointed.

But thanks for stopping over
and I'll see you in school Monday.

Carol, go ahead and try on
the peach blouse I brought.

- I forgot the chopsticks.
- Okay.

- Call us when Mom and Dad get back.
- Yeah, sure, fine, no problem.

These are the good chopsticks?

Uh... Best we have. Heh-heh-heh.

Annie, that blue thing you have on
there, that's nice, what do you call it?

A sweater.

Oh, good. Yeah, that's catchy.

I'm not sure this one goes
with my earrings, though.

- Earrings?
- Here.

Tell me what you think.

Uh... Yeah, yeah, those
are earrings all right.

But do they go with my sweater?

Oh, oh, definitely.

Are you sure?

Uh... Well, just to be
sure let me double check.

Wow.

I was hoping this night
would end up like this.

- Yeah, but Carol might come back.
- Forget Carol.

I like your style.

- Annie.
- Carol.

Hey, Carol?

- Oh, Mike, good, we have to talk.
- Yeah.

Now, I know this is shocking...

but Annie is using Carol
because she's interested in you.

No.

Yes, I heard her on the phone.

I wanted to warn you
before anything happened.

Because something like
this could devastate Carol.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah.

The best thing would be for me
to go over to Boner's right now.

Great.

- See you, Dad.
- Where are you going?

- Boner's house.
- What?

- Mom's idea.
- Don't give me that.

Carol, open the door. Please?

No. I'm never coming out, ever.

She's trying on a
skirt she doesn't like.

Okay.

Carol, I'm sorry.

Go away.

Carol, Chinese food.

Chinese food. Chinese food.

You expect me to
eat Chinese food?

Okay.

Dinner will be on
the table in a minute.

- Remember long distance...
- Oh.

When a friend really matters.

I gotta go talk to Carol.

Don't mention Chinese food.

I gotta go outside.

I'm surrounded by loons.

- Hey, Boner.
- Mikey, I won't bother nobody.

I'll just stay right here.

Boner, I kissed Annie.

Oh, man, that's fantastic.

What are you,
nuts? That's horrible.

But I thought that's
what you were after.

Boner, hitting on your sister's best
friend is totally uncool. Where you been?

- But I...
- Carol saw us and she ran upstairs crying.

Oh...

So how was it?

- How was what?
- Well, you know, the kiss.

Well, I'm not one to
kiss and tell, Boner...

but just between you
and me, it was pretty hot.

Wow.

Show me.

I was so stupid to think somebody
like you would want to be my friend.

I am your friend.

Annie, I'm not stupid.

I have a 4.0 grade average,
I'm a member of the Chess Club...

and president of the Future
Nuclear Physicists of America.

I know why you're here.

Okay, you're right.

But I really like
you too, I swear.

I never told anybody about those
long distance commercials before.

Carol, this is the worst
thing I've ever done.

If you hate me forever,
I don't blame you.

Fine. I will.

- Just one question, though.
- What?

Anything to make it up to you.

Why Mike?

Well, he's cute.

Yuck!

But he can't kiss worth doodly.

You're just saying that
to make me feel better.

Yeah, I am.

Somehow Carol must've
found out what Annie was up to.

Well, we better get up
there and check on them.

- That's what I've been saying all along.
- So you agree?

- Of course I agree, I said it.
- This is no time to be claiming credit.

Oh...

- Carol?
- Sweetheart, are you okay?

Oh, Jason, they're
both hysterical.

Carol. Annie.

I know, Dad. Chinese food.

I told you there was no
reason to come up here.

I didn't mean to hurt anybody.

Is it my fault that women
find me irresistible?

It's a curse.

Now, what would that
sensitive guy with the lisp say?

I guess he'd say, "I'm sorry."

I got it.

Hey, Carol, Annie, can I
talk to you both for a minute?

- Mm-hm.
- Yeah.

All right, a great many things
have happened to us tonight...

and I know that I have to
do the thinking for all of us.

What is it, Mike?

All right, look. I'm no
good at being noble, Carol.

But it doesn't take much
to see that the problems...

of three little people don't
amount to a hill of beans.

Yeah. Now, you guys
must remember this.

A kiss is just a kiss.

Mike, is this gonna take long?

All right, the point is...

Annie, I'm sorry, but
it can never be for us.

And, Carol, I'm really
sorry that I kissed Annie.

- Forget about it, Mike.
- Yeah, it was nothing.

It was nothing?

Forget about it?

Hey, what about the tears?

The heartbreak?

Hey, what about my kiss?

What about Alan Alda?

Here's looking at you, kid.

That guy with the lisp is good.

Would you look at
that? She's crying.

I don't get it. What
was I doing wrong?

Play it again, Ben.