Growing Pains (1985–1992): Season 1, Episode 11 - Standardized Test - full transcript

Jason (ALAN-THICKE) and Maggie (JOANNA KERNS) encounter a case of sibling rivalry between Carol (TRACEY GOLD) and Mike (KIRK CAMERON), who's upset over his sister's higher scholastic achievements.

♪ SHOW ME THAT SMILE AGAIN ♪

♪ DON'T WASTE ANOTHER
MINUTE ON YOUR CRYIN' ♪

♪ WE'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE END ♪

♪ THE BEST IS READY TO BEGIN ♪

♪ AS LONG AS WE GOT EACH OTHER ♪

♪ WE GOT THE WORLD
SPINNIN' RIGHT IN OUR HANDS ♪

♪ BABY YOU AND ME ♪

♪ WE GOTTA BE ♪

♪ THE LUCKIEST DREAMERS
WHO NEVER QUIT DREAMIN' ♪

♪ AS LONG AS WE KEEP ON GIVIN' ♪

♪ WE CAN TAKE ANYTHING
THAT COMES OUR WAY ♪



♪ BABY, RAIN OR SHINE ♪

♪ ALL THE TIME ♪

♪ WE GOT EACH OTHER ♪

♪ SHARIN' THE
LAUGHTER AND LOVE ♪

AND HE'S TEARING
UP THE BOARD, FOLKS.

THIS MAN CANNOT BE STOPPED.

ALL RIGHT, GIVE ME YOUR
BEST SHOT HERE, CAROL.

I FEEL HOT. I FEEL READY.

OK.

WHAT 1957 ROGER CORMAN FILM

STARRED PAMELA DUNCAN
AND RICHARD GARLAND?

WHAT, ARE THEY SERIOUS?

UH-HUH.

ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS.



COME ON, GIVE ME A
HARD QUESTION, CAROL.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

OH, WOW, CAROL,
REMEMBER THIS SONG?



♪ ...WHAT'S LEFT OF HIS WORLD ♪

OH, YEAH. MOM AND DAD
USED TO PLAY THIS TO US

ALL THE TIME WHEN
WE WERE LITTLE.

YEAH, YOU REMEMBER
WHAT WE USED TO DO?

♪ HE'S LEAVIN' ♪

♪ ON THAT MIDNIGHT TRAIN TO GEORGIA
♪ ♪ MIDNIGHT TRAIN TO GEORGIA ♪

♪ SAID HE'S GOIN' BACK ♪
♪ SAID HE'S GOIN' BACK ♪

♪ GOIN' BACK... ♪

♪ TO A SIMPLER PLACE AND TIME
♪ ♪ SIMPLER PLACE AND TIME ♪

♪ OH, YES, HE IS ♪
♪ OH, YES, HE IS ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE WITH HIM ♪
♪ AND I'LL BE WITH HIM ♪

♪ I KNOW YOU WILL ♪

♪ ON THAT MIDNIGHT
TRAIN TO GEORGIA ♪

♪ LEAVING ON A MIDNIGHT
TRAIN TO GEORGIA ♪

♪ I'D RATHER LIVE IN HIS WORLD ♪
♪ I'D RATHER LIVE IN HIS WORLD ♪

I HOPE THIS ISN'T HEREDITARY.

HEY, GUYS, REPORT CARDS CAME.

OH, YEAH? OUR REPORT CARDS CAME?

YEAH. THIS IS YOURS.

MAGGIE, WE HAVE A CHILD WHO
ACTUALLY LIKES GETTING REPORT CARDS.

WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?

I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M SO NERVOUS.

I MEAN, I ALREADY
KNOW WHAT I GOT.

YEP. "A," "A,"
"A," "A," "A," "A!"

THAT'S GREAT, SWEETIE. MIKE...

GOOD FOR YOU. THANKS.

"C," "C," "C," "C,"

"D," "B."

WELL, HE DID GET ONE "B."

PHYS ED.?

YOU GOT IT.

WHAT DRIVES ME CRAZY IS THAT...

I KNOW, HE'S NOT DUMB.

IN FIRST AND SECOND GRADE,
HE GOT "Bs" AND B-PLUSES.

WELL, THAT WAS BEFORE CAROL CAME
ALONG AND STARTED GETTING ALL "As."

THE NERVE. YEAH.

WELL, AT LEAST HE
HAD 2 GREAT YEARS.

THAT'S BETTER THAN THAT POOR
GUY A COUPLE OF POPES AGO.

JASON.

MAGGIE, MAYBE WE'RE BEING A
LITTLE TOO HARD ON HIM, YOU KNOW?

NOT ALL KIDS HAVE TO GET "As."

BUT FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF
YEARS IT'S BEEN GETTING WORSE.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT PUBERTY'S FOR.

YOU TAKE A DIFFICULT SITUATION
AND YOU MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE.

WHERE YOU BEEN, MIKE?

OH, I THOUGHT I'D
GO LOOK FOR DUKE.

MIKE, DUKE RAN
AWAY 6 MONTHS AGO.

SO? AND HE WASN'T OUR DOG.

WHAT DOES THAT REALLY
MEAN, DAD? "OUR DOG."

I MEAN, CAN ONE PERSON EVER
REALLY OWN ANOTHER LIVING THING?

MAYBE I SHOULD GO LOOK UPSTAIRS.

HEY, I GOT A GREAT IDEA.

WHY DON'T WE ALL TAKE A LOOK
AT WHAT'S IN THIS ENVELOPE?

OH, OK.

"IF YOUR NAME IS MIKE SEAVER, YOU
MAY HAVE ALREADY WON $2 MILLION."

HEY, LOOK, MOM, BEFORE
YOU GET TOO UPSET, UH,

YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT SOME
OF THESE GRADES MIGHT BE WRONG.

WHAT SCARES US IS SOME
OF THEM MIGHT BE RIGHT.

HEY, I GOT A "C" AVERAGE.

THAT'S NOT BAD, IT'S AVERAGE.

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT
TO BE, MIKE? AVERAGE?

WELL, IT'S A HIGH "C," SO ACTUALLY
IT'S A LITTLE ABOVE AVERAGE.

DON'T THEY HAVE
C-PLUSES FOR THAT?

WELL, IT'S NOT THAT HIGH.

YOU CAN DO BETTER
THAN THIS, CAN'T YOU?

IT'S NOT MY FAULT,
MOM, I JUST...

I HAVE A PERSONALITY
CONFLICT WITH MY TEACHER.

WELL, MIKE, YOU HAVE
ABOUT THE SAME GRADES,

IN 6 DIFFERENT SUBJECTS
WITH 6 DIFFERENT TEACHERS.

I KNOW.

THE PROFESSION JUST
SEEMS TO ATTRACT PEOPLE

WHO ARE DIFFICULT
TO GET ALONG WITH.

MIKE, HOW MANY TIMES DO
WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS?

I MEAN, YOU'RE JUST GOING TO
HAVE TO WORK A LITTLE HARDER.

I AM WORKING HARD.

THEN WHY IS IT EVERY
TIME I GO UP TO YOUR ROOM

WHEN YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE STUDYING,

YOU'RE EITHER NAPPING
OR THROWING DARTS?

THAT'S HOW I UNWIND.

MIKE.

LOOK, MIKE, ARE YOU SAYING THAT
YOU'RE TRYING AS HARD AS YOU CAN?

YEAH.

SO THESE "Cs" ARE HONESTLY
THE BEST YOU CAN DO?

NO, I CAN GET
BETTER THAN "Cs," DAD.

WELL, MIKE, WHAT ABOUT
THIS "D" IN GEOMETRY?

I DON'T KNOW.

ARE THE CLASSES
TOO HARD FOR YOU?

I MEAN, WOULD YOU
RATHER BE IN A MATH SECTION

THAT'S A LITTLE LESS DEMANDING?

DAD, I CAN DO IT. LOOK,
I'M PASSING, AREN'T I?

LIKE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO
PUTTING ME IN WITH THE REJECTS.

HEY, MIKE, WANT
TO FINISH OUR GAME?

UH, NO, I WOULDN'T WANT TO
KEEP YOU FROM ADMIRING YOUR "As."

PLEASE, GO AHEAD.
DON'T LET ME STOP YOU.

COME ON, MIKE.

OH, DON'T BE MODEST, CAROL. COME ON,
LET'S... LET'S SHARE THIS SPECIAL MOMENT.

OH, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, CAROL.

- "A!"
- "A!"

A+!

I'M NOT A NERD.

HEY, CAROL, THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH BEING A NERD.

I MEAN,

WITHOUT NERDS, WHO WOULD BUY
ALL THE BACK-TO-SCHOOL SUPPLIES?

WHO WOULD DATE THE
GUYS ON THE MATH TEAM?

AND WHO WOULD RAISE THEIR HAND IN
CLASS AND GO, "OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH"?

WELL, YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS
BECAUSE YOU NEVER GET GOOD GRADES.

LOOK, IF I STUDIED, I COULD
PROBABLY GET ALL "As."

YOU COULDN'T GET AN "A" IN
LUNCH AS A SECOND LANGUAGE.

OH, THAT'S FUNNY, CAROL. HAVE YOU
EVER CONSIDERED BEING A STANDUP?

MAYBE YOU COULD DO, LIKE,
CHEMISTRY COMEDY AND STUFF.

YOU ARE SUCH A JERK.

I MEAN, IF YOU COULD GET SUCH GOOD
GRADES, THEN WHY DON'T YOU STUDY?

BECAUSE I HAVE
BETTER THINGS TO DO.

LIKE WHAT? LIKE
GETTING LLOYD KREEGER

TO LAUGH MILK OUT OF HIS NOSE?

NO. LIKE HANGING
OUT WITH FRIENDS,

WHICH CERTAIN PEOPLE DON'T HAVE.

YEAH, WELL...

WE'LL JUST SEE HOW SMART
YOU ARE ON MONDAY, WON'T WE?

WHY, WHAT'S MONDAY?

IT'S THE DAY THE WHOLE SCHOOL
TAKES THE IDAHO STANDARDIZED TEST.

SO? IF I STUDY, I'LL PROBABLY
GET THE HIGHEST GRADE IN SCHOOL.

YOU CAN'T STUDY FOR
THIS TEST, BONEBRAIN.

IT'S AN APTITUDE TEST.

I KNOW.

WHAT'S AN APTITUDE TEST?

IT'S BASICALLY AN I.Q. TEST.

TO SEE HOW SMART YOU ARE.

OR, IN YOUR CASE,
HOW SMART YOU AREN'T.

ALL RIGHT, NOW, LISTEN UP.

THIS IS THE IDAHO
STANDARDIZED TEST.

GOD, I HATE THESE TESTS.

I HATE NUMBER 2 PENCILS.

I HATE THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE.

HEY, LOOK, CALM DOWN, WILL YOU?

THIS ISN'T SUCH A BIG DEAL.

NOT A BIG... NOT A BIG DEAL?

TELL THAT TO THE HIVES THAT
ARE BREAKING OUT ON MY THIGHS.

YOU GET HIVES ON YOUR THIGHS?

YOU WANT TO SEE 'EM? NO, NO.

I BELIEVE YOU.

OH, MY GOD.

THIS TEST DOESN'T EVEN
COUNT ON YOUR GRADES.

I MEAN, WHAT DIFFERENCE
DOES IT MAKE WHAT YOU GET?

ARE YOU KIDDING?
THIS IS AN I.Q. TEST.

THIS IS 10 TIMES MORE
IMPORTANT THAN YOUR GRADES.

WAIT. WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?

THIS TEST DECIDES ONCE AND
FOR ALL HOW SMART WE ARE.

I MEAN, AFTER TODAY, OUR PARENTS
WILL KNOW HOW STUPID WE ARE.

OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS
WILL KNOW HOW STUPID WE ARE.

I CAN ONLY ASSUME THE
WHOLE STATE OF IDAHO

WILL KNOW HOW STUPID WE ARE.

OUR PARENTS GET THESE RESULTS?

I'LL NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT.

"POOR RICHIE,

"HE'S JUST NOT AS SMART
AS HIS BROTHER DAVID.

"OUR DAVID IS PRE-LAW
AT PRINCETON THIS YEAR.

"OH, HI, RICHIE, COULD YOU
TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE, PLEASE?

WE'RE HOPING HE CAN DO IT
PROFESSIONALLY SOMEDAY."

HEY, LOOK, WHAT DO YOU
CARE ABOUT YOUR BROTHER?

I MEAN, SO HE'S A NERD.
EVERY FAMILY'S GOT A NERD.

HEY, YEAH, THAT'S
RIGHT. YOU GOT CAROL.

SHE'S A GENIUS.

YOU'RE GONNA LOOK LIKE
A TREE STUMP NEXT TO HER.

NO, I'M NOT.

BECAUSE FOR ONE THING, I
AM JUST AS SMART AS SHE IS.

AND FOR ANOTHER THING, I HAPPEN
NOT TO BELIEVE IN THESE TESTS.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT I DO?

I DON'T EVEN READ THE QUESTIONS.

I JUST FILL IN THESE
COMPUTER DOTS

IN A PRETTY PATTERN, LIKE THIS.

ALL RIGHT. YOU MAY BEGIN.

WHAT? YOU'RE CRAZY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, IT'S A SELF-PORTRAIT.

THEY'LL LOVE THIS IN IDAHO.

ALL RIGHT, MR. ELLIS,

IS THERE, UH, ANYTHING
ELSE YOU'D LIKE

TO TALK ABOUT BEFORE
WE STOP FOR TODAY?

NOPE. EVERYTHING'S JUST GREAT.

GOOD.

OK. WELL, UH, I
THINK WE'RE MAKING

SOME REAL PROGRESS
HERE WITH YOUR PROBLEM.

WHAT PROBLEM'S THAT?

WELL, MR. ELLIS, WE BOTH KNOW,
DON'T WE, THAT YOU'RE AN HABITUAL LIAR?

NO, I'M NOT.

MR. ELLIS... OK, OK.

DON'T PRESSURE ME LIKE THIS.

MY WHOLE LIFE IS
GOING DOWN THE DRAIN.

BUT, NOW, JUST A MINUTE AGO, YOU
SAID, "EVERYTHING IS JUST GREAT."

NO, I DIDN'T.

WELL, THEN, UH,

WE CERTAINLY DO HAVE A LOT TO
TALK ABOUT NEXT TIME, MR. ELLIS.

WHAT NEXT TIME? I'M NEVER
COMING BACK HERE AGAIN.

WHATEVER YOU SAY. FINE.

SEE YOU NEXT WEDNESDAY?

GOOD. YEAH.

ALL RIGHT, BEN. LET'S DO IT.

OH, DAD... WELL, COME ON, BEN.

I DON'T ASK YOU TO DO
TOO MUCH AROUND HERE.

WHEN I DO, I EXPECT
IT TO GET DONE.

BUT, DAD... WITHOUT AN ARGUMENT.

CAN'T I DO IT LATER?

BEN, YOU'RE TESTING ME, NOW.

ALL RIGHT.

THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.



♪ HE'S LEAVIN' ♪

♪ ON THE MIDNIGHT
TRAIN TO GEORGIA ♪

♪ LEAVING ON A MIDNIGHT
TRAIN TO GEORGIA ♪

♪ HE'S GOIN' BACK ♪

♪ TO A SIMPLER PLACE AND TIME ♪

AH, BEN, YOU'RE A BORN PIP.

WHAT'S A PIP?

A STATE OF MIND.

♪ ON THAT MIDNIGHT
TRAIN TO GEORGIA ♪

HELLO?

OK, WAIT ONE
SECOND. IT'S FOR YOU.

DON'T GO AWAY,
NOW. WE'RE NOT DONE.

HELLO.

WELL, NO, MY WIFE,
UH, IS AT WORK.

YES... UH, YES, OF
COURSE, IF IT'S IMPORTANT.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU THEN.

HEY, BEN, WILL YOU
TURN THAT OFF, PLEASE?

YEAH, MAGGIE?

UH, CAN YOU MEET ME DOWN AT THE
HIGH SCHOOL IN ABOUT A HALF AN HOUR?

WELL, IT'S THE
SCHOOL PSYCHOLOGIST.

UH, IT'S ABOUT MIKE.

DR. AND MRS. SEAVER, WE
HAVE SOME CONCERN OVER...

BREATH MINT? NO.

OVER THE RESULTS
OF MIKE'S I.Q. TEST.

WHY? WHAT DID HE GET?

NOW, MAGGIE, YOU KNOW,
THESE ARE HIGHLY SUBJECTIVE.

MANY DIAGNOSTICIANS, THEY DON'T
EVEN CONSIDER THESE TO MEAN...

WHAT DID HE GET?

HE GOT...

WELL, LET ME JUST PUT THIS IN
CONTEXT FOR YOU, MRS. SEAVER.

NOW, A SCORE OF 100 IS ABOUT
AVERAGE, 120 IS VERY BRIGHT.

140 IS CONSIDERED
A GENIUS, 160 IS...

WHAT DID MIKE GET?

A 27.

WHAT? THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

I MEAN, THIS IS
OBVIOUSLY A MISTAKE.

I'M SORRY, MRS. SEAVER. WE'VE
CHECKED AND DOUBLE-CHECKED.

ANTACID? NO.

27?

I'M GLAD THAT YOU'RE A
PSYCHIATRIST, DR. SEAVER.

YOU'LL UNDERSTAND
WHAT I'M SAYING HERE.

YEAH, YOU'RE SAYING
MY SON IS AN IDIOT.

NO, TECHNICALLY,
HE'S AN IMBECILE.

WHAT?

WELL, 0 TO 25 IS AN IDIOT.

25 TO 50 IS AN IMBECILE.

WELL, THAT'S CERTAINLY
A LOAD OFF MY MIND.

LET'S SEE, I BELIEVE
THAT 60 TO 70 IS A MORON.

NO, WAIT. WELL,
WHAT'S, UH, 50 TO 60?

I DON'T KNOW. A BOZO?

NO!

AH, NEVER MIND. THIS HAS
NOTHING TO DO WITH MIKE.

NO, NO. BECAUSE, UH,
ACCORDING TO THIS,

MIKE COULD NEVER EVEN
ASPIRE TO BECOME A BOZO.

OH, NOW, DR. AND MRS. SEAVER,
THE WORST THING WE CAN DO

IS TO OVERREACT TO THIS.

HAS MIKE TAKEN A SHARP
BLOW TO THE HEAD RECENTLY?

NO.

SUFFERED ANY PROLONGED
OXYGEN DEPRIVATION?

NO, DR. MARLENS, OUR
SON IS NOT BRAIN-DAMAGED.

OK. JUST CHECKING.

NOW LOOK, MIKE'S FILE
INDICATES HE'S ALWAYS HAD A...

WELL, HOW SHALL WE SAY,
UH, A PROBLEM WITH AUTHORITY.

FOR EXAMPLE, IT SAYS
HERE THAT LAST YEAR

HE PLACED A LITTER
OF BABY GERBILS

INTO, UH, MRS.
O'BRIEN'S KLEENEX BOX.

AND WHEN SHE WENT
TO BLOW HER NOSE...

THAT OLD BAG MUST HAVE JUST...

NO, EXCUSE ME.

THERE'S SO LITTLE JOY IN MY JOB,

AND HE'S GOT A LOT
OF GOOD STUFF IN HERE.

THANK YOU.

DR. MARLENS, WHAT
ARE YOU GETTING AT?

YOU SEE THIS?

THIS IS A NORMAL TEST
ANSWER SHEET. IT'S A MESS.

THE LITTLE DOTS ARE SCATTERED
RANDOMLY AROUND THE PAGE.

YOU SEE THIS?

THIS IS YOUR SON'S
TEST ANSWER SHEET.

THE DOTS MAKE UP LITTLE
PICTURES OF HOUSES, AIRPLANES.

LOOK HERE, THERE'S EVEN ONE OF
A YOUNG WOMAN'S BODY IN PROFILE.

NICE FIGURE.

SO, YOU'RE SAYING...
YOU'RE SAYING THAT

MIKE DID THIS INTENTIONALLY.

WELL, EITHER THAT, MRS. SEAVER,

OR HE'S A HIGHLY
ARTISTIC IMBECILE.



WHAT IS IT? THAT'S PRETTY.

NOTHIN'.

WELL, UM,

I HEARD YOU GOT CALLED DOWN TO
THE SCHOOL PSYCHOLOGIST TODAY.

OH, YEAH. MOM AND DAD
ARE DOWN THERE RIGHT NOW.

THEY ARE? WHY? WHAT'D YOU DO?

WELL, I GOT A 27
ON MY I.Q. TEST.

OH, WELL, YOU KNOW,

MOM AND DAD REALLY DON'T
CARE ABOUT THAT SORT OF THING,

SO, YOU KNOW, DON'T FEEL BAD.

YOU GOT A 27?

YEAH, I DID IT ON
PURPOSE, BONEHEAD.

I MEAN, I DIDN'T EVEN
READ THE QUESTIONS.

WHAT?

I MEAN, I KNOW I'M BRILLIANT, SO I
FIGURED, WHY WASTE MY VALUABLE TIME

ON PLAYIN' FILL-IN-THE-DOTS?

COME ON, YOU DIDN'T
REALLY DO THAT.

CAROL, CAROL, CAROL,
HOW SHOULD I PUT THIS?

YOU SEE BEFORE YOU WERE BORN,
MOM AND DAD CAME TO ME AND THEY SAID:

"MIKE, WE HOPE
THAT OUR NEXT CHILD

"ISN'T SOME
GOODY-GOODY NERDFACE.

BUT THAT HE'S A REAL INDEPENDENT,
FREE-THINKER, LIKE YOU."

YEAH.

LITTLE DID THEY KNOW, YOU
HAD PEAKED INTELLECTUALLY.

MIKE?

THEY'RE GONNA KILL YOU.

CAROL, MAYBE MOM AND DAD HAVE
REALIZED HOW STUPID THESE TESTS ARE.

MAYBE THEY'RE GONNA
ADMIRE ME FOR WHAT I DID.

MIKE. COULD WE SPEAK TO
YOU FOR A MOMENT, PLEASE?

MAYBE THEY'RE GONNA HAVE
YOU KILLED PROFESSIONALLY.

MIKE, CAN YOU EXPLAIN
TO US WHAT THIS IS?

OH, OK. UM,

THIS HERE IS A BOEING 747, AND THIS
IS A LARGEMOUTH BASS, AND THIS...

THIS IS A FULL-BODY
PROFILE OF RHONDA TISHKIN.

MIKE, WHY DID YOU DO THIS?

SHE'S GOT A GREAT BODY, MOM.

MIKE, THIS ISN'T A JOKE. COME
ON, WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

I DON'T KNOW. I
JUST FELT LIKE IT.

YOU JUST FELT LIKE IT.

WELL, GEE, I DIDN'T REALIZE

HOW IMPORTANT THESE
TESTS WERE TO YOU GUYS.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME

THAT YOU WERE ONLY INTERESTED
IN HAVING KIDS WITH HIGH I.Q. SCORES.

MIKE.

MIKE.

HEY, THAT'S OK. I MEAN, YOU
GUYS GOT ONE SMART KID.

MISS STRAIGHT "As" HERE CAN
GO AND BECOME AN ASTRONAUT.

AND MIKEY CAN ALWAYS
MIX THE TANG, NO PROBLEM.

WHY DON'T WE JUST
LET HIM COOL OFF?

OK. OK?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

NOTHING, REALLY,
I MEAN, I JUST...

THEN WHY DON'T YOU
JUST GET OUT OF HERE?

LOOK, MIKE. YOU'RE
NOT REALLY STUPID.

WELL, THANKS, CAROL.

I AM DEEPLY TOUCHED
BY YOUR SUPERIORITY.

I HOPE I DON'T MAKE
YOU FEEL STUPID, MIKE.

YOU DON'T MAKE ME FEEL
STUPID. JUST GET OUT OF HERE, OK?

NOBODY MAKES ME FEEL
STUPID, 'CAUSE I'M NOT STUPID.

I JUST SAID THAT.

WELL, MAYBE I WAS JUST
TOO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND.

MIKE, COME ON. I MEAN,

YOU'RE ALWAYS CALLING
ME A NERD AND STUFF,

AND I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS I WAS
JUST TRYING TO GET YOU BACK.

I GUESS 'CAUSE YOU'RE OLDER,
AND COOLER AND EVERYTHING.

AND... AND I JUST FIGURED THAT

I WAS THE ONLY ONE
WHO WAS GETTING HURT.

I MEAN, I AM SORT OF A NERD,

BUT YOU'RE NOT REALLY STUPID.

OH, SO, I GUESS IT'S
JUST COINCIDENCE

THAT YOU GET ALL THE
"As" AND I GET ALL THE "Cs"?

LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU
DON'T GET GOOD GRADES. I MEAN...

WELL, MAYBE IT HAS
SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE FACT

THAT YOU SLEEP AND PLAY DARTS
WHILE DOING YOUR HOMEWORK.

WHAT IS IT WITH THE DARTS?

I MEAN, AM I THE ONLY GUY AROUND
HERE THAT KNOWS HOW TO UNWIND?

OK, LISTEN.

WHAT YEAR DID MAX WEINBERG
START PLAYING DRUMS

FOR BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN?

HEY, DID WE JUST START
A NEW CONVERSATION?

WELL, COME ON,
COME ON, WHAT YEAR?

1973. SO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

WELL, ASIDE FROM BEING A HUGE
BOOST IN INCOME FOR MAX WEINBERG,

IT MEANS YOU'RE PRETTY SMART.

WHAT, 'CAUSE I KNOW
ONE USELESS FACT?

YOU KNOW MILLIONS
OF USELESS FACTS.

I MEAN, LIKE THE ATTACK
OF THE CRAB PEOPLE THING.

I MEAN, I COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT.

CRAB MONSTERS, CAROL.

ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS.

SEE, I MEAN, YOU DON'T
REMEMBER THINGS FOR TESTS.

YOU JUST REMEMBER THINGS
YOU WANT TO REMEMBER

FOR SOME STRANGE REASON.

SO I HAVE A GOOD
MEMORY. BIG DEAL.

IT'S MORE THAN JUST
THAT. I MEAN... OK.

REMEMBER LAST YEAR
WHEN YOU BORROWED

$20 FROM ME ON VALENTINE'S DAY?

YEAH. SO?

AND I MADE YOU SIGN AN I.O.U.?

WHICH I GLADLY DID.

MMM.

PROMISING TO PAY ME
BACK ON FEBRUARY 29TH.

HEY, COME 1988,
THAT $20 IS YOURS.

YOU SEE, THAT... THAT
WASN'T JUST INTELLIGENT.

THAT WAS ACTUALLY VERY CREATIVE.

NO, YOU WERE JUST A SUCKER.

YOU SEE, THAT'S
MY POINT. I MEAN,

I DO DUMB THINGS ALL THE TIME

AND... AND YOU DO SMART
THINGS WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE IT.

WELL... BUT, HEY.

WHY DO YOU THINK MOM'S ALWAYS
TELLING YOU TO SHUT YOUR SMART MOUTH?

I MEAN, IT TAKES
BRAINS AND HARD WORK

TO BE AS OBNOXIOUS AS YOU ARE.

YEAH, I GUESS IT DOES.

BUT WHEN YOU LOVE WHAT YOU DO,

IT REALLY DOESN'T
SEEM LIKE WORK.

I MEAN, HECK, FOR ALL WE KNOW,

YOU AND I MIGHT
HAVE THE SAME I.Q.

YEAH, WHO KNOWS? MINE
MIGHT EVEN BE HIGHER.

LET'S NOT GET HYSTERICAL, NOW.

HEY, CAROL? YEAH?

THANKS.

YOU JERK.

NERD.

I... I MEANT THAT IN A NICE WAY.

UH-HUH. OH, GOOD, THANK YOU.

YES, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

ALL RIGHT. BYE-BYE.

HEY, MIKE, DR. MARLENS SAYS YOU
CAN TAKE THAT IDAHO TEST OVER AGAIN,

SATURDAY MORNING, 10:00.

OH, THAT'S GREAT, DAD, BUT...

WELL, I'VE BEEN
THINKING ABOUT IT

AND I'M KIND OF
HAPPY WITH THE 27.

MIKE.

YES, DAD. OK, 10:00.

♪ OH, YEAH! ♪

♪ OH, YEAH! ♪